'Bigger' Star Tristen J. Winger On Self-Care & Being A True Believer In Black Love
I don't know about y'all, but I love having girl talk. Me and my girls can kiki about life, sip our wine, and hype each other up about what's coming up next in our lives. However, something that I love a tiny bit more than girl talk, is having guy talk. Don't kill me y'all but I just think it is so refreshing and important to get a guy's perspective on love/relationships. It also keeps me in check sometimes when I am overthinking a situation. In fact, I was talking to one of my guy friends a few weeks ago about the topic of black love.
We talked about the dynamic of black men and women and what may be the best way to show up for black women and vice versa. His thoughts were that it is challenging for him to show up for black women, if there are high expectations on how a black man should be. He also explained that while black men know how to be in relationships, the idea of how a relationship should be has been warped into so many different things. While I can understand my friend's point of view on this, I couldn't help but think about how I prioritize love in my daily life and if asked the question, "How would I want my future partner to show up for me?"
Recently, I had a great "guy talk" with actor Tristen J. Winger. Tristen is someone who knows exactly how he likes to show up for black women. Tristen J. Winger, 35, plays the character Vince on the BET+'s Bigger series.
Courtesy of Carlos Nunez
Executive produced by Will Packer, Bigger is a comedy series that takes a deeper look at the stagnant lives of Layne Roberts and her circle of friends as they strive for something bigger and better in all aspects of life. While chatting with Tristen, who plays he was able to give me the truth about his thoughts on black love.
He is a true advocate for uplifting and supporting black women in all spaces and is a believer in keeping the idea of black love in a positive light. Here's what the star had to say.
xoNecole: Do you feel that your character Vince on the series 'Bigger' relates to who you are in real life?
Tristen J. Winger: I believe he does in many ways. Especially, when we find out more about Vince in the second season. Being pushed to pursue one career, but having a passion to be a creative resonates with me. I graduated from high school early and I went to college for Mechanical Engineering. I really love science. My mom would put me in science camps when I was younger and I really enjoyed it.
However, the creative side of me overpowered that. Throughout high school, I was in Performance Arts and I played music. So, when I got to college I was introduced to this music software by a good friend of mine. I was excited that I was able to make music and not do math all day in my other courses (laughs). I knew my mom wanted me to go down this one path, but I chose to follow my passion in being a creative.
xoNecole: Because you relate to Vince's journey in following his passion in music, what advice do you have for other people who want to follow their passion instead of what is expected of them?
Tristen: Always go with your gut. Every time. At the end of the day, we are living this life for us. That's not to say to forget about everyone else. But ultimately, we are the ones who have to live with our decisions. So make decisions that make you happy in the end. Instead of living with regret or having the "what if" in the back of your mind.
xoNecole: What has your professional acting career taught you about dating/romantic relationships?
Tristen: I will say that since acting is about listening and reading between the lines, you have to do the same thing in romantic relationships. You can't just listen to the other person to respond. You have to listen to understand where the other person is coming from and learn from them. We can live this life on our own if we choose to, but if we choose to live a life with a partner, there must be understanding and togetherness.
"We can live this life on our own if we choose to, but if we choose to live a life with a partner, there must be understanding and togetherness."
Courtesy of Carlos Nunez
xoNecole: In today's society, do you feel that there is a misconception between black men and black women when it comes to the #relationshipgoals?
Tristen: Looking at social media really confuses me sometimes (laughs). Like why are y'all complaining about $100 dinner dates? (Laughs) That should not be the basis of a relationship. It does seem like nowadays black men and black women are at odds when it comes to relationships. But every day I still see examples of beautiful relationships. I know what black love looks like and while social media may make it seem like it is difficult to achieve true black love, I am not going to believe it.
xoNecole: What do you think are the two key things for a successful relationship?
Tristen: I think empathy but more so, being able to support one another. If you and your partner are a team, the goal should be to win together. In order to win, we have to challenge each other too. You can have a lot of moments that are comfortable and full of ease. But the question is, how are we going to take each other to the next level? So being supportive is key.
"If you and your partner are a team, the goal should be to win together. In order to win, we have to challenge each other too."
xoNecole: You show that you are a huge advocate for black women on social media, how do you like to show up and support black women in romantic relationships?
Tristen: It honestly looks different for different women. Showing up could literally mean showing up and supporting her. Showing up can look like giving gifts or writing poetry. Showing up could even look like listening to her as she vents. You have to find out what her love language is. All of the languages mean something, but each one has a different weight to them.
xoNecole: I am so glad you touched on love languages, because you are absolutely right! So, inquiring minds would like to know.. What is your love language?
Tristen: My top love language is words of affirmation. I think that comes from my childhood. Recognition feels good to me. I remember when I was in elementary school, I would always get perfect attendance awards. Or when I would get A's on my spelling test, it was the recognition from the teacher's that I sought out for. There are times even now, where I wonder if I am doing a good job. So in dating, those words of affirmation are important to me.
Courtesy of Carlos Nunez
xoNecole: Do you think self-care is important in a relationship? If so, how do you practice self-care for yourself?
Tristen: There are times where I just want to be alone. I don't have to be doing anything specific. I just need that time to myself. I won't and shouldn't feel bad for wanting to spend time with myself (laughs). I am willing to do whatever it takes to recenter myself and ground myself, whether I am in a relationship or not. We give so much to the world, so we have to remember to give back to ourselves.
xoNecole: What is an important lesson you have learned from previous relationships that you will apply in your next relationship?
Tristen: An important lesson for me is how to show up for myself while I am in a relationship. Being raised by a single mom, I used to pour everything I had into my relationships. With doing that, I ended up forgetting what Tristen wanted. So now, I will always speak up for myself in how I like my partner to show up for me.
xoNecole: What are some relationship green flags that you look for when it comes to dating?
Tristen: The first thing that comes to mind is a sense of humor. I love to laugh. If a woman can quote Back to the Future or The Nutty Professor line by line, I'm sold (laughs). I also like a woman who is adventurous and likes music too. Someone who isn't judgemental and is a free-spirit [and] open-minded. These are all great qualities I look for.
xoNecole: If you could curate a love playlist for your future partner, what would be the top 3 songs and why?
Tristen: The first song would be "Can We Talk" by Tevin Campbell. The next song would be "Take It From Here" by Justin Timberlake, produced by The Neptunes. The third song would be "At Your Best" by The Isley Brothers. For "At Your Best," it sounds like he is talking to someone specifically. So when you are creating a playlist for someone, you need that specificity. So I chose all these songs because when I hear the words and I listen to the music, I feel all of it.
I remember in Justin's "Take It From Here" he says, "I wanna be your lake or your bay. And any problems that you have, I want to wash them away." I just want to wash away your problems girl! (Laughs) I just want to wash them away (smiles).
For more of Tristen, follow him on Instagram.
Featured image by Carlos Nunez
'K' is a multi-hyphenated free spirit from Chicago. She is a lover of stories and the people who tell them. As a writer, 9-5er, and Safe Space Curator, she values creating the life she wants and enjoying the journey along the way. You can follow her on Instagram @theletter__k_.
The Reality Of Living With Severe Asthma – As Told by 2 Women On Their Disease Journey
This post is in partnership with Amgen.
The seemingly simple task of taking a breath is something most of us don’t think twice about. But for people who live with severe asthma, breathing does not always come easily. Asthma, a chronic respiratory condition that inflames and narrows the airways in the lungs, affects millions of people worldwide – 5-10% of which live with severe asthma. Severe asthma is a chronic and lifelong condition that is unpredictable and can be difficult to manage. Though often invisible to the rest of the world, severe asthma is a not-so-silent companion for those who live with it, often interrupting schedules and impacting day-to-day life.
Among the many individuals who battle severe asthma, Black women face a unique set of challenges. It's not uncommon for us to go years without a proper diagnosis, and finding the right treatment often requires some trial and error. Thankfully, all hope is not lost for those who may be fighting to get their severe asthma under control. We spoke with Juanita Brown Ingram, Esq. and Jania Watson, two inspiring Black women who have been living with severe asthma and have found strength, resilience, and a sense of purpose in their journeys.
Juanita Brown Ingram, Esq.
Juanita Ingram has a resume that would make anyone’s jaw drop. On top of being recently crowned Mrs. Universe, she’s also an accomplished attorney, filmmaker, and philanthropist. From the outside, it seems there’s nothing this talented woman won’t try, and likely succeed at. In her everyday life, however, Juanita exercises a lot more caution. From a young age, Juanita has struggled with severe asthma. Her symptoms were always exacerbated by common illnesses like a cold or flu. “I've heard these stories of my breathing struggles, but I remember distinctly when I was younger not being able to breathe every time I got a virus,” says Ingram. “I remember missing a lot of school and crying a lot because asthma is painful. I [was taken] to see my doctor often if I got sick with anything so I was hypervigilant as a child, and I still am.”
Today, Juanita says her symptoms are best managed when she’s working closely with her care team, avoiding getting sick and staying ahead of any symptoms. Ingram said she’s been blessed with skilled doctors who are just as vigilant of her symptoms as she is. While competing in the Mrs. Universe competition, Juanita took extra care to stay clear of other competitors to ensure she didn’t catch a cold or virus that would trigger her severe asthma. “I would stand off to the side and sometimes that could be taken as ‘oh, she thinks she's better than everybody else.’ But if I get sick during a pageant, I'm done. I had to compete with that in mind because my sickness doesn't look like everybody else's sickness.”
Even when her symptoms are under control, living with severe asthma still presents challenges. Juanita relies on her strong support system to overcome the hurdles caused by a lack of understanding from the public, “I think that there's a lot of lack of awareness about how serious severe asthma is. I would [also] tell women to advocate and to trust their intuition and not to allow someone to dismiss what you're experiencing.”
Jania Watson
Jania, a content creator from Atlanta, Georgia, has been living with severe asthma for many years. Thanks to early testing by asthma specialists, Jania was diagnosed with severe asthma as a child after experiencing frequent flare-ups and challenges in her day-to-day life. “I specifically remember, I was starting school, and we were moving into a new house. One of the triggers for me and my younger sister at the time were certain types of carpets. We had just moved into this new house and within weeks of us being there, my parents literally had to pay for all new carpet in the house.”
As Jania grew older, she was suffering from fewer flare-ups and thought her asthma was well under control. However, a trip back to her doctor during high school revealed that her severe asthma was affecting her more than she realized. “That was the first time in a long time I had to do a breathing test,” she describes. “The doctor had me take a deep breath in and blow into a machine to test my breathing. They told me to blow as hard as I could. And I was doing it. I was giving everything I got. [My dad and the doctor] were looking at me like ‘girl, stop playing.’ And at that point [it confirmed] I still have severe asthma because I've given it all I got. It doesn't really go away, but I just learned how to help manage it better.”
Jania recognizes that people who aren’t living with asthma, may not understand the disease and mistake it for something less serious. Or there could be others who think their symptoms are minor, and not worth bringing up. So, for Jania, communicating with others about her diagnosis is key. “Having severe asthma [flare-ups] in some cases looks very similar to being out of shape,” she said. “But this is a chronic illness that I was born with. This is just something that I live with that I've been dealing with. And I think it's important for people to know because that determines the next steps. [They might ask] ‘Do you need a bottle of water, or do you need an inhaler? Do you need to take a break, or do we need to take you to the hospital?’ So, I think letting the people around you know what's going on, just in case anything were to happen plays a lot into it as well.”
Like Juanita, Jania’s journey has been marked by ups and downs, but she remains an unwavering advocate for asthma awareness and support within the Black community. She hopes that her story can be an inspiration to other women with asthma who may not yet have their symptoms under control. “There's still life to be lived outside of having severe asthma. It is always going to be there, but it's not meant to stop you from living your life. That’s why learning how to manage it and also having that support system around you, is so important.”
By sharing their journeys, Juanita and Jania hope to encourage others to embrace their conditions, obtain a proper management plan from a doctor or asthma specialist like a pulmonologist or allergist, and contribute to the improvement of asthma awareness and support, not only within the Black community, but for all individuals living with severe asthma.
Read more stories from others like Juanita and Jania on Amgen.com, or visit Uncontrolled Asthma In Black Women | BREAK THE CYCLE to find support and resources.
In a time where the term “relationship goal” has seemed to have lost its spark, there’s one couple that we continue to root for whether they’re together or apart and that’s Ryan Destiny and Keith Powers.
Powers, 30, and Destiny, 27, first met in 2015 while attending a Teen Vogue party in 2015 but it wasn’t until 2019 that confirmation of their relationship surfaced in the digital cover of WeTheUrban digital cover in July of the same year.
While there was an immediate attraction, the now-exes said sparks really flew once they connected over Instagram. "For a minute we tried to hide it for numerous reasons, but as human beings sometimes you want to just shout to the world 'I love this person and I'm happy!'” Destiny expressed in the interview. "We try to find a balance. I'm already a private person and very career driven so reminding people that I am my own person is important."
With “are they, aren’t they” rumors swirling about the two’s aspirational relationship, it is clear that they both hold their privacy in high regard, while not keeping their love for each other a secret.
During the same interview, Powers shared how maintaining happiness in a relationship involves keeping aspects of one's life private. Especially considering the challenges of having a public relationship while navigating external perceptions that can lead to misinformation.
"The more you keep private the happier you'll be,” he shared. “It's not easy being in a public relationship, so you try to keep as much as you can private. Control your own narrative, don't give people too much because they make up stuff from the outside looking in."
In 2022, PEOPLE reported that the starlet couple had separated after a four-year relationship. And while a source confirmed that the two were, “taking time to focus on themselves and their emerging careers but are remaining close friends,” the LA-based actors have continued to be spotted together on red carpets, social functions, and public outings.
Although it hasn’t been confirmed whether the two are officially together again, us girls can dream, right? Let’s take a scroll through their relationship timeline together.
2015 — Ryan Destiny and Keith Powers Meet
Destiny and Powers met in 2015 at a Teen Vogue party. From there, the two grew as friends and Powers quickly knew there was something special between them. "I realized I was in love when I knew my life would be extremely affected in a negative way if Ryan wasn't in it," he detailed for the digital cover of WeTheUrban in 2019. "I also felt myself growing as a person when Ryan came into my life, especially mentally. And I realized that I'm ready to deal with anything I have to deal with alongside Ryan. Once I felt that, I knew."
2017 — Ryan Destiny and Keith Powers Attend LudaDay Weekend Topgolf Takeover
(L-R) Keith Powers, Ryan Destiny, Algee Smith, Luke James and Woody McClain.
Paras Griffin/Getty Images
Alongside Powers' New Edition castmates at the time, Powers and Destiny showed support at the LudaDay Weekend Topgolf Takeover in Midtown Atlanta.
2019 — Ryan Destiny and Keith Powers Confirm Relationship
Bennett Raglin/Getty Images for BET
Keith Powers and Ryan Destiny made their red carpet debut as a couple in 2018 at the BET Awards. In doing so, they also seemingly confirmed their romantic relationship.
2019 — Ryan Destiny and Keith Powers Go Public With Their Relationship
It’s safe to say that the couple has embraced privacy over the years, but in 2019, the two began to appear as a package deal in magazine shoots and advertising campaigns together.
The couple starred in a sultry Calvin Klein campaign, dished the details of the relationship to WeTheUrban, and even appeared on-screen in Big Sean’s "Single Again” which highlighted the ramifications of being in a public breakup.
January 2022 — Ryan Destiny and Keith Powers Spilt
After four years of dating, Powers and Destiny end their relationship, but still “remain friends.”
August 2022 — Ryan Destiny and Keith Powers Spend Time With His Family
If spotting the former couple here and there together shortly after their public split didn't create speculation of a possible rekindling, fans seeing the two together with his family for his birthday put romance rumors into overdrive.
October 2022 — Ryan Destiny and Keith Powers Spotted Together All Smiles
Destiny and Powers were photographed together and shared in a mutual friend's Instagram Story.
March 2023 — Ryan Destiny and Keith Powers’ First Public Outing Since Breakup
Ryan Destiny and Keith Powers posing together at the 2023 ESSENCE Black Women In Hollywood Awards.
Arnold Turner/Getty Images for ESSENCE
The actors were spotted together while attending the Essence Black Women In Hollywood Awards.
April 2023 — Ryan Destiny and Keith Powers Pose At Coachella
In April, the two were seen at the Revolve Festival during this year’s Coachella Festival at the Empire Polo Club in Indio, California.
June 2023 — Ryan Destiny and Keith Powers At “The Perfect Find” Premiere
(L-R) Ryan Destiny and Keith Powers attend 'The Perfect Find' world premiere.
Noam Galai/Getty Images for Netflix
Powers owned his leading role alongside Gabrielle Union in the Netflix rom-com, The Perfect Find. And in June, Destiny was his red carpet date at the movie’s premiere during the 2023 Tribeca Film Festival.
Related: xoMan: Keith Powers On His Growth As An Actor & What Qualifies As His 'Perfect Find'
August 2023 — Ryan Destiny and Keith Powers Show Support
Jerritt Clark/Getty Images for FWRD
Destiny and Powers were dressed to the nines at the Hall Of Fame Induction Celebration for Dwyane Wade hosted by FWRD at Chateau Marmont's Bar in Hollywood.
August 2023 — Ryan Destiny and Keith Powers Take a Getaway
In an August Instagram posting, Destiny and Powers shared nearly identical selfies and photos showcasing that they both took a cruise with Virgin Voyages across the Adriatic Sea around the actor's birthday. Coincidence? One user commented on Powers' post, "You and my girl Ry Ry think y’all slick! I love it tho."
August 2023 — Ryan Destiny and Keith Powers Dance The Night Away
The two attend the star-studded release party for Victoria Monét’s JAGUAR II album release party.
October 2023 — Ryan Destiny and Keith Powers Celebrate Halloween
Destiny and Powers got in on the Halloween fun and hit the town in coordinating hamburger and hot dog costumes at a party in LA.
December 2023 — Ryan Destiny and Keith Powers On a Dinner Date
The stylish duo was seen together at the ‘Imaginary Dinner’ hosted by clothing brand Off-White and FARFETCH. Find more pictures of the couple here.
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for daily love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
Featured image by Jerritt Clark/Getty Images for FWRD