Anyone who's ever had a dream knows that success hits different when you prioritize self-love. Doubt is a helluva drug, but knowing your worth is priceless. This mentality shift helps Ryan Destiny stay booked, busy, and unbothered year-round.
As a Black creative in the digital age, you know that your insecurities have the potential to finesse you out of your check (and your peace of mind), but in her recent interview with Teen Vogue, Ryan broke down the secret to how she finally stopped letting self-doubt block her bag. She told the publication:
"I grew up feeling like that [insecurity] should have been gone, but it wasn't. And I didn't realize [I still had] a problem, [up until] maybe around 18, 19 I think it was just me really starting to understand and love myself, and understand the void that was in the industry, and that something needed to be done about it. I just realized I had a responsibility, and then knowing that and feeling I had a purpose gave me a bit more confidence in what I was doing."
After the cancellation of Star last May, the Internet was in shambles and Ryan was understandably shook, but despite her initial disappointment in the show's ending, the 25-year-old later found that every loss is an opportunity to level up your mentality. She told the publication:
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"I think that that show taught me that I can [do] and I'm worth a lot more than I thought. And it's okay to say that. Just because other people may not see it doesn't mean it's not true. I knew my power way more, and I was past the point where I was letting people, no matter what they've done in the industry, control me. I think it's easy to let people control you and step over you, and I was just really over that by the time the show ended."
In her interview, Ryan also touched on external areas of her life where the love is heavy, including her uber-hot relationship with fellow entertainer Keith Powers and the pressure they have to keep what's personal, private:
"We're definitely more strategic than people think we are. When we first started dating, we were in the private stage, but still wanting to share that we were together. As time has gone on, we've moved back from [posting about each other] because we saw that the more that you put out, the more that people feel like they can be in your business."
Ryan also said that while she appreciates our support when it comes to her young romance, she and her boo are intentional about the fact that their relationship is none of our damn business:
"I try to appreciate the fans that are kind of just supportive versus the ones that are just kind of too aggressive. We didn't post each other for, like, two months after we started dating because we were just kind of nervous about making it a public thing — we knew the risks. We just try to make sure that we stay our own person but still be a couple and show that I love this person, this person loves me, that's still fine and natural too. But, of course, we love our careers as well and want to keep doing that and building that separately and together."
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Featured Image by Dominik Bindl/Getty Images
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The origin of the word "discipline" can be traced back to the Latin word "disciplina," which means "instruction" or "teaching." Over time, however, discipline has come to be synonymous with punishment, with parents relying on shame, fear, and/or physical pain to curb undesirable behavior.
Teaching takes time, so nipping it in the bud in whatever fashion parents deem necessary (within reason) has become the norm. But is this what’s best for children? And when does it become less about curbing undesirable behavior and more about getting our licks back for offenses we feel our children should know better to do?
In my work as a parenting coach, I’ve often heard parents say, “I asked him nicely three times before spanking him. He didn’t stop doing it until I did, so clearly talking doesn’t work.”
And the parent isn’t wrong. Talking often doesn’t work the first, the third, or the even the 10th time. And the reason is directly tied to brain development.
Children cannot and do not process information the way an adult can. Auditory processing is not fully developed until a child is 14 or 15 years old. And even then, if a child has auditory processing delays or Auditory Processing Disorder (APD), they may always struggle with processing auditory commands. According to Susie S. Loraine, MA, CCC-SLP, the term auditory processing refers to how the brain perceives and interprets sound information. Several skills determine auditory processing ability—or listening success. They develop in a general four-step hierarchy, but all work together and are essential for daily listening.
Without this understanding, discipline can easily become revenge because parents will then view their child’s misdeeds as a personal slight. Instead of teaching them to do better, parents now want to show them the consequences of not doing better. This is why it's imperative for parents to discern between discipline and revenge to maintain healthy relationships with their children.
5 WAYS TO DISTINGUISH BETWEEN PARENTAL GUIDANCE AND RETALIATION:
Understanding The Intent
Discipline is rooted in love and concern for the child's well-being. It focuses on teaching lessons and helping children understand the consequences of their actions. Conversely, revenge-driven actions stem from a desire to inflict pain or punishment as payback for perceived slights or disobedience. Parents should reflect on their motives before taking disciplinary actions. Ask yourself whether your intention is to help your child learn or to make them suffer for upsetting you.
Example: If a child accidentally breaks a valuable item, a disciplinary response would involve discussing the importance of being careful and working with the child to come up with a way to replace or fix what they’ve broken. On the other hand, a vengeful reaction might involve yelling, harsh punishment, or bringing up past mistakes to intensify guilt.
Maintaining Emotional Regulation
Effective discipline requires parents to remain calm and composed, even in challenging situations. It's natural to feel upset or frustrated when children misbehave, but responding with anger or resentment can escalate the situation and blur the line between discipline and revenge. Before addressing the issue, take a moment to breathe and collect your thoughts.
Example: If a child cannot follow instructions, a disciplined response would involve calmly explaining why their cooperation is necessary in working with the child to accomplish the goal. Conversely, a retaliatory response might involve shouting, name-calling, or resorting to physical punishment out of anger.
Promoting Growth and Learning
Discipline should always aim to promote growth and learning. It involves guiding children toward making better choices and understanding the impact of their actions on themselves and others. Effective discipline strategies include positive reinforcement, setting clear expectations, and providing opportunities for reflection and growth.
Example: If a child repeatedly forgets to complete their chores, a disciplinary approach would involve discussing the importance of responsibility and finding solutions together, such as creating a chore chart or setting reminders with Siri or Alexa. In contrast, a revenge-driven response might involve imposing overly harsh punishments or belittling the child, which can undermine their self-esteem and hinder their ability to learn from their mistakes.
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Building Trust and Communication
Trust and open communication are essential components of a healthy parent-child relationship. Discipline should strengthen this bond by fostering trust and encouraging children to confide in their parents without fear of judgment or retaliation. When children feel safe and supported, they're more likely to accept discipline as a form of guidance rather than punishment.
Example: If a child admits to breaking a rule or making a mistake, a disciplined response would involve listening to their perspective, discussing the consequences of their actions, and working together to find a solution. Conversely, a retaliatory response might involve accusations, blame, or shutting down communication, which can erode trust and damage the parent-child relationship.
Seeking Professional Guidance
Parenting is a learning journey, and, disciplining children is a delicate balance between guiding them toward responsible behavior and nurturing their growth. By understanding the intent behind our actions, maintaining emotional regulation, promoting growth and learning, building trust and communication, and seeking professional guidance when needed, as parents we can help our children built on love, respect, and understanding.
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