Victoria Monét Says There’s Power In Changing Your Mind: ‘It Starts With Your Mind.’
When talent and hard work meet preparation, you get a star like Victoria Monét. With years of songwriting for artists like Ariana Grande and Chloe x Halle under her belt, the release of her debut studio album: Jaguar II marks a time for Monét to step into her moment.
On a recent episode of The Scottie and Sylvia Show, the Grammy-nominated artist joined the podcast to discuss embracing the new chapter of life she’s in and not compromising her true self to make others comfortable.
“You're born so powerful as a Black woman, and I think sometimes we kind of, or maybe society has kind of taught us to shy away from showing that fully,” she shared on the podcast. “We're almost humbling ourselves and dimming our light to make other people comfortable, and we shouldn’t.”
As a full-range singer, dancer, and songwriter, Monét understands the power of not dimming your light or shrinking in order to fit the mold of the music industry that can often pressure female artists to fit into a box.
In fact, it’s important for the 7 Rings writer to not compromise on showcasing her gifts in the pursuit of fame and outward validation. “Actually, make them uncomfortable, and maybe they’ll be so uncomfortable that they’ll grow themselves,” she says. “It’s not our job to make people comfortable, it’s to make the world a better place and just be truly and infinitely ourselves.”
The power of positive thinking has served along her journey to manifest her current career trajectory. Becoming a mother during the pandemic, navigating label changes, and stepping into the spotlight as a multi-fascinate artist has been a lesson in patience and being present in every opportunity given to her. This is why Monét believes that changing one's mindset, affirming your path, and not ruminating on the “predictable past” are the keys to shaping one’s highest reality.
“If you don't like what you have, you have to change the way you think — it starts with your mind and how you speak,” she explains. “So just starting every morning with positive affirmations because when you say ‘I am’ anything, it directly tells all of the cells in your body to start being that thing.”
“‘I am beautiful, I am smart, I am abundant, I am free.’ All of those things really actually change the way you feel and the way you operate throughout your day,” she adds.
With social media buzzing following the release of her breakout single, "On My Mama" and its music video that pays homage to the Southern hip-hop scene of the early 2000s, Monét ensures that new and day-one fans will be able to connect with the timeless nature of her album.
“Whatever phase you are at in your life, you can find something on this album that you can relate to today,” she says. “I feel like this is what this album is meant to do. It's like in 50 years from now, when you put it on the vinyl player, and you're like, ‘Oh my God, I remember how I felt when I heard this,” because that's exactly how I felt at that moment.”
From stepping into the spotlight to sharing her light through her music, it’s clear that life is imitating art for Victoria Monét's next act. “I would call this chapter ‘the light’ because a lot of it has been shady, dark — some things have happened, but I guess that’s just any industry where a lot of people want to be successful.”
Allow Me To Reintroduce Myself ft. Victoria Monét | The Scottie & Sylvia Show Ep. 8
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Featured image by Paras Griffin/Getty Images for BET
Aley Arion is a writer and digital storyteller from the South, currently living in sunny Los Angeles. Her site, yagirlaley.com, serves as a digital diary to document personal essays, cultural commentary, and her insights into the Black Millennial experience. Follow her at @yagirlaley on all platforms!
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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How To Tell If You're Disciplining Your Child Or Seeking Revenge
When discussing the topic of raising children, discipline is often the first thing that comes to mind. Children need discipline. Full stop. But what is discipline? And how do we draw the line between discipline and revenge?
The origin of the word "discipline" can be traced back to the Latin word "disciplina," which means "instruction" or "teaching." Over time, however, discipline has come to be synonymous with punishment, with parents relying on shame, fear, and/or physical pain to curb undesirable behavior.
Teaching takes time, so nipping it in the bud in whatever fashion parents deem necessary (within reason) has become the norm. But is this what’s best for children? And when does it become less about curbing undesirable behavior and more about getting our licks back for offenses we feel our children should know better to do?
In my work as a parenting coach, I’ve often heard parents say, “I asked him nicely three times before spanking him. He didn’t stop doing it until I did, so clearly talking doesn’t work.”
And the parent isn’t wrong. Talking often doesn’t work the first, the third, or the even the 10th time. And the reason is directly tied to brain development.
Children cannot and do not process information the way an adult can. Auditory processing is not fully developed until a child is 14 or 15 years old. And even then, if a child has auditory processing delays or Auditory Processing Disorder (APD), they may always struggle with processing auditory commands. According to Susie S. Loraine, MA, CCC-SLP, the term auditory processing refers to how the brain perceives and interprets sound information. Several skills determine auditory processing ability—or listening success. They develop in a general four-step hierarchy, but all work together and are essential for daily listening.
Without this understanding, discipline can easily become revenge because parents will then view their child’s misdeeds as a personal slight. Instead of teaching them to do better, parents now want to show them the consequences of not doing better. This is why it's imperative for parents to discern between discipline and revenge to maintain healthy relationships with their children.
5 WAYS TO DISTINGUISH BETWEEN PARENTAL GUIDANCE AND RETALIATION:
Understanding The Intent
Discipline is rooted in love and concern for the child's well-being. It focuses on teaching lessons and helping children understand the consequences of their actions. Conversely, revenge-driven actions stem from a desire to inflict pain or punishment as payback for perceived slights or disobedience. Parents should reflect on their motives before taking disciplinary actions. Ask yourself whether your intention is to help your child learn or to make them suffer for upsetting you.
Example: If a child accidentally breaks a valuable item, a disciplinary response would involve discussing the importance of being careful and working with the child to come up with a way to replace or fix what they’ve broken. On the other hand, a vengeful reaction might involve yelling, harsh punishment, or bringing up past mistakes to intensify guilt.
Maintaining Emotional Regulation
Effective discipline requires parents to remain calm and composed, even in challenging situations. It's natural to feel upset or frustrated when children misbehave, but responding with anger or resentment can escalate the situation and blur the line between discipline and revenge. Before addressing the issue, take a moment to breathe and collect your thoughts.
Example: If a child cannot follow instructions, a disciplined response would involve calmly explaining why their cooperation is necessary in working with the child to accomplish the goal. Conversely, a retaliatory response might involve shouting, name-calling, or resorting to physical punishment out of anger.
Promoting Growth and Learning
Discipline should always aim to promote growth and learning. It involves guiding children toward making better choices and understanding the impact of their actions on themselves and others. Effective discipline strategies include positive reinforcement, setting clear expectations, and providing opportunities for reflection and growth.
Example: If a child repeatedly forgets to complete their chores, a disciplinary approach would involve discussing the importance of responsibility and finding solutions together, such as creating a chore chart or setting reminders with Siri or Alexa. In contrast, a revenge-driven response might involve imposing overly harsh punishments or belittling the child, which can undermine their self-esteem and hinder their ability to learn from their mistakes.
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Building Trust and Communication
Trust and open communication are essential components of a healthy parent-child relationship. Discipline should strengthen this bond by fostering trust and encouraging children to confide in their parents without fear of judgment or retaliation. When children feel safe and supported, they're more likely to accept discipline as a form of guidance rather than punishment.
Example: If a child admits to breaking a rule or making a mistake, a disciplined response would involve listening to their perspective, discussing the consequences of their actions, and working together to find a solution. Conversely, a retaliatory response might involve accusations, blame, or shutting down communication, which can erode trust and damage the parent-child relationship.
Seeking Professional Guidance
Parenting is a learning journey, and, disciplining children is a delicate balance between guiding them toward responsible behavior and nurturing their growth. By understanding the intent behind our actions, maintaining emotional regulation, promoting growth and learning, building trust and communication, and seeking professional guidance when needed, as parents we can help our children built on love, respect, and understanding.
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Featured image by Courtney Hale/Getty Images