

There's been a lot going on in the world over the past year. From group chats to social media to the constant news cycle, there's a million issues being discussed on a daily basis. It's overwhelming. In particular, there are so many issues being discussed within the Black community; yet, we're not talking enough about our finances. We should be.
Earlier this year, I celebrated a major milestone. I paid off $40,000 in 18 months. There were so many sacrifices I made within those 18 months to achieve this goal. I made being debt-free a priority. Our biggest tool to building wealth is our income. When your income is being divided and sent to multiple banks, companies, etc. with debt payments, you're preventing yourself from building wealth. In fact, studies show that most self-made millionaires (not Kylie Jenner), the real ones, live a debt-free lifestyle.
We live in a system of oppression that has hindered us from accumulating generational wealth. Everyone wants to "get money;" yet, so many of us are living paycheck to paycheck. While, there are many factors that impact our finances, there are certainly habits and mindsets that we've embraced that do us a disservice.
I knew when I graduated from Spelman in 2013 that I wanted to save money and build generational wealth. My parents grew up poor in the South Bronx and worked really hard to make sure my circumstances were different, but I knew that I was different from many of those women at Spelman. My family wasn't upper-class, and it was clear in the conversations of how people spent their summers, where they travelled, college funds, etc. I was well-aware of the sacrifices my family made to send me to Spelman and I wanted to use my education and network to achieve financial freedom.
At 27 years old, I am proud to say that I have achieved that financial freedom. I am debt-free! I paid off $40,000 in 18 months following Dave Ramsey's Seven Baby Steps, which I strongly recommend. The baby steps are free to access. No excuses. Here's the key things I learned while following Ramsey's plan.
How I Paid Off $40,000 In Debt In Less Than Two Years
1.Income Is Key When Paying Off Debt.
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When I first graduated college, I was working for a large PR agency and was largely underpaid. I chose not to defer my student loans. I was living paycheck to paycheck and struggling with a $500 lease payment for a brand-new Mercedes-Benz. I transferred from Atlanta to Los Angeles and received a raise. However, I was still underpaid. I was struggling to make minimum payments and using credit cards for everything. The debt started rising. Here's a rough estimate of my debt breakdown at that time:
- $35,000 (Mercedes Benz Lease)
- $10,000 (Credit Cards)
- $15,000 (Student Loans)
I knew that income was the issue. I simply did not make enough money for the lifestyle that I lived. I was driving a $35,000 car making $45,000 a year. AND I didn't even own the car. I needed to increase my income and get rid of the car ASAP.
Luckily, the lease was up for the vehicle. I turned it in and purchased a USED Honda Accord for $19,000. Vehicles are NOT an investment. They depreciate in value. It does not make sense to drive an expensive car unless you can afford it. Leasing vehicles are irresponsible, especially when in debt and end up costing way more than the vehicle. The total costs of your vehicle/s should not be more than half your income.
Next, I needed to find a new job and increase my additional income. I knew that going to work for a company/brand would pay more than an agency. I was recruited by a major beverage brand and negotiated a $20,000 raise off that transition alone. I busted my behind the first six months, proved my value and received another raise. THIS started my debt-free journey. I began the journey 18 months ago making $80,000 with the following debt breakdown of $40,000:
- $19,000 (Honda Accord)
- $11,000 (Student Loans)
- $10,000 (Credit Cards)
Income is KEY to paying off your debt. At some point, we have to take accountability for the many loans, credit cards, etc. we sign up for. Education is an investment, and you should have a return on your investment. Taking out $100,000 in student loans does not make sense when your trajectory for your career is only going to deliver at max $60,000 in the first five years. We must make smarter decisions when it comes to taking out student loans.
I see the jokes about student loans being with you forever. I do not accept that.
For every monthly student payment I made, that could've been going into an investment account. I refused to be 40 years old, paying off student loan debt.
In addition to the raise that I received, I stepped my side hustle up or as I like to call it, my second career. I am passionate about both. In addition to serving as a consultant/analyst, I am an entertainment journalist and correspondent.
I started booking more hosting gigs, brand ambassador gigs and increased my writing opportunities. I increased my additional income significantly. I even went as far as to work mall shifts at a local mall near my day job. I worked 9am – 5pm, then headed to the mall for part-time shifts from 6pm-11pm, and then I would write articles and host red carpets on the weekends. ALL of that extra income went to my debt payments. I was EXHAUSTED, but I had my eyes on the prize. I knew that it was a short-term sacrifice that would pay off.
2.Pay Your Debt FIRST.
You can ease your way into debt, but you can't ease your way out of it. While beginning my aggressive debt-free plan I treated those major payments (as much as $2,000 a month) as a "necessity." Rent, Food, Utilities, Transportation, Debt Payment. That was my order. I didn't even give myself an opportunity to spend the money on anything else. As soon as I was paid, I went in that order. NO exceptions.
3.Use The Snowball Effect To Pay Off Your Debt.
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A key differentiator from Dave Ramsey's plans and other financial experts is that he encourages people to pay off the smallest balance first, as opposed to the debt with the lowest interest rate. Paying off debt is not just about math. It's psychological. When you get aggressive and start seeing those debts disappear, it sparks something in you. I listed my debts from smallest to largest and tackled them that way. My credit cards were first. Student loans were second, and then the car.
4.Live Within Your Means To Pay Off Debt.
I made a lot of sacrifices. I did not get my nails done at all. I painted them myself and saved money. Getting your nails, hair done very week, eyelashes etc. all add up. I cut down on brunch and eating out. I didn't even shop. I work red carpets for major awards shows and film releases. I reached out to friends and other correspondents to borrow outfits. I reached out to stylists. I had no shame. If I had to purchase something, I would go to Goodwill. My wardrobe struggled, and I definitely didn't purchase anything designer.
Your net worth is your total assets minus your debt payments.
The reality is that most people are BROKE, but we aren't living as such. Those purses and designer shoes. They aren't helping you achieve wealth. I didn't pay for ANY travel. I had several trips that were the luxury of my entertainment gigs. Those trips were paid in full. I used my airline miles to pay for a flight to Bermuda for a weekend trip with my girls. I budgeted for the weekend and didn't use any credit cards. I was also able to use airline miles to cut down the costs of my holiday travel.
5.Stick To Your Budget To Pay Off Debt Quickly.
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Making a budget and sticking to it is ESSENTIAL to paying off debt. Have the discipline and hold yourself accountable. Personally, I am old school. I created an Excel template that I used, because manually looking at my bank account and monitoring my transactions really helped.
Dave Ramsey also offers a free app "Every Dollar" that helps with budgeting. The easiest way to mismanage your money is to not budget for every dollar and to not monitor your behaviors. EVERY DOLLAR that I made had a designation.
Dave Ramsey's plan has helped millions of people become debt-free. As a next step, I'll be building an emergency fund ($15,000) and then saving for an investment. This is no promo. Dave Ramsey is a free resource that I found extremely helpful and wanted to share my journey.
If it's easy to obtain, it will not make you wealthy. Credit cards. Car notes, etc. are all easy to obtain. They will not make you wealthy. Also, while I understand that there are people who have way more debt. Understand this. If I paid off $40,000 in 18 months that means that I could pay off $80,000 in 36 months. I strongly encourage you to not make excuses. To feel motivated. To listen to a few debt-free screams on Dave Ramsey's YouTube channel and be inspired. It's worth it.
Many believe that when you start to show God and the universe that you know how to manage your money, you begin to get rewarded with more of it. I am walking proof of that. This year, after paying off ALL my debt, I am slated to earn more than $110K.
I have an 800+ credit score and have made a vow that I will NOT take out any debt except for a mortgage. I will not have credit card debt. I will not buy a brand-new car. I will save and invest and live the lifestyle that I deserve.
Click here to view Dave Ramsey's Baby Steps. Good luck on your journey!
Originally published on March 15, 2019
Featured image by Shutterstock
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'Sistas' Star Skyh Black On The Power Of Hypnotherapy & Emotional Vulnerability For Men
In this insightful episode of the xoMAN podcast, host Kiara Walker talked with Sistas star Skyh Black, as he opened up about his journey of emotional growth, resilience, and self-discovery. The episode touches on emotional availability, self-worth, masculinity, and the importance of therapy in overcoming personal struggles.
Skyh Black on Emotional Availability & Love
On Emotional Availability & Vulnerability
“My wife and I wouldn't be where we are today if both of us weren't emotionally available,” he shared about his wife and Sistas co-star KJ Smith, highlighting the value of vulnerability and emotional openness in a relationship. His approach to masculinity stands in contrast to the traditional, stoic ideals. Skyh is not afraid to embrace softness as part of his emotional expression.
On Overcoming Self-Doubt & Worthiness Issues
Skyh reflected on the self-doubt and worthiness issues that he struggled with, especially early in his career. He opens up about his time in Los Angeles, living what he calls the “LA struggle story”—in a one-bedroom with three roommates—and being homeless three times over the span of 16 years. “I always had this self-sabotaging thought process,” Skyh said. “For me, I feel therapy is essential, period. I have a regular therapist and I go to a hypnotherapist.”
How Therapy Helped Him Heal From Self-Doubt
On Hypnotherapy & Empowering Self-Acceptance
Skyh’s journey is a testament to the power of tapping into self-development despite life’s struggles and being open to growth. “I had to submit to the fact that God was doing good in my life, and that I'm worthy of it. I had a worthiness issue and I did not realize that. So, that’s what the hypnotherapy did. It brought me back to the core. What is wrong so that I can fix it?”
Watch the full podcast episode below:
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Women Are (Still) Spelling 'Coconut' With Their Hips. And Guys Are Losing Their Damn Minds.
While prepping for a podcast interview a while back, because I received the questions beforehand, I did a bit of research into one of the inquiries: what are men’s current favorite sex positions? I doubt any of you are shocked by the fact that what continued to pop up (like here, here, and here) was doggy style and the cowgirl position (i.e., when a woman is on top).
When it comes to ridin’, specifically, that got me to thinking about something that was all over the internet a few years ago: women who were advising that you spell “coconut” with your hips, during sex, in order for you and your partner to receive maximum pleasure and satisfaction.
When I asked a few women I know if they ever tried that before, I was surprised to discover that not only had they, but many didn’t treat it as some random social media fad — they actually still do it to this day. Partly, because it’s fun to them and partly because their partner(s) seem to go crazy for it.
Listen, any time something sexual works like a charm, I’m going to shout it out — (late) trend or not. And so, if you’ve never heard of the whole coconut thing, you tried it and forgot all about it, or you just want to try something new/different/else tonight — here’s a reminder, in article form, that coconut-ting is still alive and well, y’all. And the men are all about it!
But First, The Grapefruit Technique
Video Credit: Myem/YouTube (Funny part starts at 2:40)
If this woman is not familiar to you on sight, you ain’t a real one. LOL. Although I know that a lot of people think that the concept of grapefruiting came from the movie Girls Trip (you can see the clip from the film here) that absolutely is not the case. Auntie Angel (whose real name is reportedly Denise Walker) is the creator of the Grapefruit Technique and although I thought that this video came out way earlier, apparently it made its way onto the YouTube streets sometime back in 2014.
If for some reason, you’re not familiar with grapefruiting on any level, I will tell you right now that I had to download this video because it is absolutely NSFW — so you should probably watch it on your lunch break (on your phone with the volume as low as possible) or at home…because chile, the sound effects? Whew, the sound effects. LOL. However, when I sat down to pen this piece, I thought it was hilarious that this video is what immediately came to mind because it seems like, when it comes to “blow his mind sex hacks,” fruit is constantly on the menu.
When it comes to oral sex, it’s grapefruit.
When it comes to ride ‘em cowgirl, it’s a coconut.
What Is the “Coconut” Sex Trend?
@windy_moraba #duet with @mysteri0us.gir1 spell coconut with your waist 😂😂😂
Okay, so what in the world does a coconut have to do with intercourse? Well, for starters, if you and your partner are looking for an all-natural lubricant, coconut oil works well. HOWEVER, do keep in mind that the disclaimer on this is you shouldn’t use it if condoms are in the mix because they can actually cause rubbers to be less effective (silicone lube is a solid bet for condoms, by the way).
There is another way that coconuts are kinda-sorta incorporated when it comes to making sex more pleasurable — and it actually became pretty popular right after COVID lockdown (2021): spelling C-O-C-O-N-U-T with your hips while you’re on top of your partner.
It’s wild how I forgot all about this until a client of mine was telling me how much her husband liked her on top while it wasn’t her favorite thing to do because it felt awkward to her. When I said, “Have you ever heard of spelling ‘coconut’ with your hips before?” — at first, she looked at me like I was crazy and then she busted out laughing: “Girl, no” was her reply.
Hmph. Don’t knock it until you’ve tried it because, as wild as it might sound on the surface, the word isn’t the point so much as the movements that come with spelling it out are.
When you’re moving your pelvis around to make a “c,” “o” or U-turn, not only does it intensify the level of sensation that both you and your partner feel during intercourse, it can also increase the level of blood circulation to both of your genitalia which can make your orgasms more satisfying too.
At the end of the day, spelling “coconut” is simply reminding you that there are more options to riding than simply sitting there while your partner pumps for all he’s worth or you humping up and down like you’re on a pogo stick.
Spelling “coconut” is an easy hack to bring some variety into cowgirling. However…
Honestly, the “Fruit” Isn’t the Point. THIS IS.
From grapefruiting and spelling “coconut” to reading articles that I’ve penned for the platform like “How To Improve The Taste Of Sperm” — fruit and sex are always going to be a winning combination, one way or another. However, the main point of this article isn’t about making sure that you are a master speller so much as providing you with tips that will make the cowgirl position something that you are confident about and you find a ton of fulfillment in doing.
You can make both of these things happen by incorporating the following things:
Stretch beforehand. A charley horse during sex is the worst thing ever — and chile, don’t let it be right before you’re about to climax. SMDH. Yeah, if you want to feel more comfortable when you’re on top, make sure that you stretch beforehand and that you are well-hydrated. That will reduce the chances of experiencing a totally-out-of-nowhere muscle spasm — whether you decide to “spell” during sex or…not.
Bring pillows into the mix. Sometimes riding is a challenge because your partner feels farther away from your body than you would like. Putting a pillow underneath him can help to elevate his pelvis, so that you don’t feel like you’re stretching and straining. Speaking of pillows, a longer one can really come in handy because it can give your knees some additional support as well.
Also, ask him to put his knees up. Speaking of making the “grind” easier for you, ask your partner to put his knees up. That way, your back can recline on his legs as you’re moving your hips around. You’d be amazed how much this one hack can do for you. Straight up.
Add lube. When you get a chance, check out “The Wetter, The Better: 10 Creative Ways To Use Lubricant” and you will automatically see why bringing lubrication into a cowgirl session is an absolute must. It reduces friction. It makes your movements glide with ease. And it’s just more fun. Promise you that.
Lean in. If your partner happens to be on the larger side of life, one way that you can control his depth is by leaning forward into him. That way, your hips can better control how much or little he is inside of you, so that you can get into a position that gives you the sensation that you are looking for.
Get him to multitask. Again, whether you are spelling “coconut” or not and whether you are riding cowgirl or reverse cowgirl — something that is awesome about being on top is it frees your partner’s hands to do, umm, other things. And since it is so much easier to have an orgasm while your clitoris is being stimulated, get your partner to put some of the lube that we discussed earlier on his fingertips, so that he can gently rub on your clitoris while you are riding him. It doesn’t get much better than that!
Don’t wanna spell? Hula Hoop then. What if you try the whole coconut thing and it’s not a favorite for you (or him)? No problem — when’s the last time that you hula hooped? Pretend that you have one of those around your hips and move around that way. I’d be shocked if you ended up feeling “meh” about that option.
5 Guys Tell Me What They Love When Their Partner Is on Top
A part of the reason why I am “team cowgirl” is because it provides a lot of benefits to the woman: she has more control, it tends to be more comfortable for her, it’s a great position for a quickie and the orgasms tend to be that much more — wonderful. However, as I was thinking about spelling coconut, in general, I couldn’t help but wonder what guys thought about it and the cowgirl position overall.
If you’re curious, here’s what five of ‘em said.
1. Braxford. Engaged. 35. “Y’all be spelling up there? Who knew? My favorite thing about when my fiancée is on top is what I think every man likes: the view. It’s a chance to see her entire body and experience it at the same time. Not even doggy style accomplishes that. Damn, where’s my lady at?”
2. Denez. Single. 42. “Do you know how many ‘spots’ you have access to when y’all are on top? Breasts are in my mouth. Hickeys are on her neck. Prop my head up on a pillow and her tummy is getting licked. When a woman is riding you, it’s sensory overload! It’s crazy how each one looks amazing in that position too.”
3. Omar. In a Serious Relationship. 29. “[He said her name yet I’m not going to share it] isn’t a very vocal lover. Her body and technique are insane, so even though I love dirty talk, I’ve learned to compromise — except when she’s on top. She’s not saying much but those moans? And yeah, we tried the coconut thing. ‘Cs’ and ‘Os,’ hell yeah. ‘Ns’ and “Ts’? Nah.”
4. Nolen. Single. 45. “45 isn’t old but it’s old enough for your back to show out on you when you least expect it. My experience has been that women don’t want a lot of thrusting when they are on top, so it’s like having some of the best sex without having to do much at all. Well, aside from trying not to bust too quickly. I take that back: riding is easy on the body; it’s work on the brain.”
5. Ivan. Married. 37. “I like the spelling sh-t because it switches things up. We make a game out of it by her picking a word and spelling out while I try and guess what it is. We also try to see how many words that we can get to before one of us cums. 12 words is pushing it unless it’s like ‘dog’ or ‘cat’ or something. I’ve guessed ‘coconut’ a few times and I get what the excitement is all about. Spelling bee sex: try it.”
Yep. I concur.
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