
Smart Women Finish Rich: Here's How To Break The Generational Curse Of Being Bad With Finances

I think we can all agree that your 20's are a pretty weird time in life.
Sure, your 20's can be described as beautiful, exhilarating, eye-opening time, but another adjective you could add to the equation would still be, “weird". To make things even more complicated, we're asked to take adulting to the next level by having to actually manage our money. For the majority of our lives, all money matters were handled for us and sometimes that's not a good thing.
Believe it or not, generational curses can be passed down through many different avenues, one of them being our finances. As a child, your first role models are your parents. Their ways are your ways and their thoughts are your thoughts. Parents and legal guardians have a responsibility of teaching us how to do many things…how to properly manage finances doesn't always make the cut, though.
I can't recall a time where saving, budgeting, investing, or the importance of great credit was ever talked about in my household. Not because my parents didn't want to talk about it…but because they simply did not know.
According to a 2014 Wells Fargo study, only 50% of millennial women have started saving for retirement versus 61% of millennial men.
Also, only 18% of millennial women feel satisfied with their savings level, compared with 58% of millennial men. We can do better, ladies! You see, it's pretty hard to teach what you don't know. So, I made it my mission to teach other #GIRLBOSSES how to live the financial life of their dreams. Thus, the Smart Women Finish Rich Seminar was born.
If simple conversations about saving and budgeting were never talked about in my household, I could only imagine that other women my age were never taught these basic fundamentals as well. In collaboration with my financial advisor and my credit repair specialist, we teamed up to help break the generational curse of finances within the millennial community.
On September 17th, I made it my mission to enlighten and empower a few women on what it takes to be a #GIRLBOSS living the financial life of her dreams. Mary Hayes (Investment Specialist and my Financial Advisor) kicked off the seminar by outlining the seven steps to living and (most importantly) finishing rich.
Here are four of the seven #MAJORKEYS that smart women who want to finish rich can take away from this seminar:
Learn To EARN
When is the last time you took a class, attended a seminar, or just read a new book on something that you were totally clueless about? According to Forbes, those who invest in their personal development are much more successful than those who don't. It's as simple as attending a webinar or even teaching a class. In addition to that, you must make sure that you're investing in you physical and mental health as well. Self-care is SO important and vital to your success. Take that class you've been procrastinating about or go on that retreat. Learn more to earn more!
Put Your Money Where Your Values Are
What are the intangibles in your life that don't carry a price tag? Is that making a difference in your community? Financial freedom and security? If you don't know what those values are just yet, make a list of what is important to you and why it's important! While you're at it, jot down those goals that you've wanted to accomplish for years (I enjoy vision boards) and make sure that they're ACHIEVABLE. How does one do that? Take action on your goals within 48 hours and be realistic with yourself about what challenges you'll face in pursuit of achieving those goals and how you'll overcome any challenges. Next, share these goals with someone you trust that can help keep you focused! #accountabilityonfleek
Build Your Retirement Basket
I'm declaring that I'll be retired by the time I'm 40. Yep, you read that right, 40! Through saving and investing, I'm determined to meet that goal and work only if I choose too. Now, let's talk about saving, any amount of money saved a month is awesome, but you should be saving at least 15% of your income every month! While we're on the subject, if you begin saving at least $4 a day at the age of 20, by the time you're 65, you would have saved one million dollars! (Just put your Starbucks money aside for a couple of days and watch how it piles up).
If you haven't started saving for that million-dollar nest egg yet, it's never too late to begin. Even if you begin by putting away $10 a day into an investment account at age 50, that will give you a hypothetical growth rate of 10% and you'll have more than $700,000 saved in 25 years. If you don't have the option of investment account (like a 401k) through your employer, you have an option of investing in a SEP IRA (for all of my entrepreneurs out there) or a tax deductible IRA or Roth IRA.
Always, always, ALWAYS make sure that you keep a “Money Airbag" that means at least 3-24 months worth of income for emergencies. Studies show that the average person is only four paychecks away from losing their home. Don't be that person!
Credit, Credit And More Credit
If you're not familiar with your credit score, you should be! Credit is borrowed money that allows you to purchase things and the likelihood that you will pay back those loans to purchase more things. In other words, your credit score is your adult report card. Credit scores range from 300-850. Four different factors make up you credit score: payment history, length of credit history, debt-to-credit ratio, new credit inquiries and diversity of credit. If you do not know your credit score, you can pull your FREE (yes, free!) credit report from mycreditreport.com. Some free credit check sites that I frequent are Credit Karma, Credit.com, and my personal favorite: creditscorecard.com.
Whether you're a pro with your finances or in the beginning stages, it's never too late to educate yourself on the importance of having your financial house in order to break the generational curse of bad finances and create a legacy through building wealth. With all of the resources out here, there's no excuse for repeating past mistakes.
Now, let's get this money #GIRLBOSS!
Danielle D. Hughes is a social entrepreneur, journalist and youth advocate. When she's not writing or covering news, you'll find her at church, spending time with loved ones, or enjoying a great read! Keep up with her: @danielledhughes or hughesdanielled@gmail.com.
Originally published October 20, 2016
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Devale Ellis On Being A Provider, Marriage Growth & Redefining Fatherhood
In this candid episode of the xoMAN podcast, host Kiara Walker talked with Devale Ellis, actor, social media personality, and star of Zatima, about modern masculinity, learning to be a better husband, emotional presence in marriage, fatherhood for Black men, and leading by example.
“I Wasn’t Present Emotionally”: Devale Ellis on Marriage Growth
Devale Ellis On Learning He Was a ‘Bad Husband’
Ellis grew up believing that a man should prioritize providing for his family. “I know this may come off as misogynistic, but I feel like it’s my responsibility as a man to pay for everything,” he said, emphasizing the wise guidance passed down by his father. However, five years into his marriage to long-time partner Khadeen Ellis, he realized provision wasn’t just financial.
“I was a bad husband because I wasn’t present emotionally… I wasn’t concerned about what she needed outside of the resources.”
Once he shifted his mindset, his marriage improved. “In me trying to be of service to her, I learned that me being of service created a woman who is now willing to be of service to me.”
On Redefining Masculinity and Fatherhood
For Ellis, “being a man is about being consistent.” As a father of four, he sees parenthood as a chance to reshape the future.
“Children give you another chance at life. I have four different opportunities right now to do my life all over again.”
He also works to uplift young Black men, reinforcing their worth in a world that often undermines them. His values extend to his career—Ellis refuses to play roles that involve domestic violence or sexual assault.
On Marriage, Family Planning, and Writing His Story
After his wife’s postpartum preeclampsia, Ellis chose a vasectomy over her taking hormonal birth control, further proving his commitment to their partnership. He and Khadeen share their journey in We Over Me, and his next book, Raising Kings: How Fatherhood Saved Me From Myself, is on the way.
Through honesty and growth, Devale Ellis challenges traditional ideas of masculinity, making his story one that resonates deeply with millennial women.
For the xoMAN podcast, host Kiara Walker peels back the layers of masculinity with candid conversations that challenge stereotypes and celebrate vulnerability. Real men. Real stories. Real talk.
Want more real talk from xoMAN? Catch the full audio episodes every Tuesday on Spotify and Apple Podcasts, and don’t miss the full video drops every Wednesday on YouTube. Hit follow, subscribe, and stay tapped in.
Featured image by YouTube/xoNecole
My personal relationship with birth control pills is a bit of an odd one. Back when I first became sexually active (I started having sex with my first boyfriend a couple of months shy of 19), I took them for a couple of months, didn’t like how they made me feel, and so I quit using them altogether (and got pregnant almost immediately after). The rest of my adult life, I stayed off of the pill and pretty much only used condoms (and even then, not consistently — SMDH).
And yet here I am, now, all these years later, back on them again: surprise, surprise.
These days, it's for a completely different purpose, though. Now that I am in the hopefully latter stages of perimenopause (I’m not sure because my mother had a full hysterectomy at 29, her mother died at 53 and I don’t deal with my paternal grandmother because…chile… ) — although I have always had relatively easy cycles and I could definitely set my watch to them, about two years ago, my periods started to show up whenever they felt like it and it was damn near a crime scene once they did.
It was driving me crazy, and so, my nurse practitioner recommended that I take progestin-only pills to shorten, if not completely stop, my cycle: “After a year or so, we can wean off and see if you are entering into menopause on your own.” (Whew, perimenopause, chile.)
Although the first five months of being on this particular pill made me wonder if it was worth it to take this approach, I actually re-upped for another 12-month cycle because the extra progestin (a synthetic form of progesterone) has benefitted me in other areas as well because I am sleeping more soundly and my weight is more stabilized (by the way, when these things are “off,” they are signs of low progesterone levels). However, I did ask my nurse practitioner if, once I do decide to wean off of the pill, would there be any issues.
Her response is what inspired me to write this article because, until she said “post-birth control syndrome” to me, I had no idea there was such a thing. Anyway, if you give me a sec, I’ll explain to you what it is and why you should care if hormone-related birth control is currently a part of your life.
Yes, Post-Birth Control Syndrome Is a Very Real Thing
Okay, so it’s important to always remember that the way that birth control works is it “manipulates” your hormones so that you can significantly reduce your chances of conceiving. This means that taking them could result in some side effects including nausea; weight gain; headaches; irregular periods and/or spotting; increased stress; depression; blurry vision; breast tenderness, and/or a lowered libido.
That said, even though birth control pills are basically 99 percent effective (when taken correctly and consistently), if the side effects that you are experiencing are making you close to miserable, you should absolutely share that with your healthcare provider because…what’s the sense in preventing pregnancy when you don’t even feel up to having sex because you don’t feel good or your sex drive is shot? More times than not, your provider can find you another pill brand or option that will help you to feel more like yourself.
With that out of the way, think about it — if going on the pill can produce side effects, why would going off of it…not? And this is where post-birth control syndrome comes in.
For the most part, it’s what can happen to your body once you decide to come off of birth control. Typically, the symptoms will last anywhere between 4-6 months and, although the symptoms seem to present themselves most intensely as it relates to going off of the pill, any hormone-related birth control (like IUDs, injections, patches, the ring or implants) could produce similar outcomes.
Outcomes like what?
- Irregular cycles
- Breakouts
- Excessive gas and/or bloating
- Weight gain
- Anxiety and/or depression
- Fertility issues
- Migraines and/or headaches
- Shifts in your libido
- Sleeplessness/restlessness
- Hair loss
Whoa, right? And if a part of you is wondering, “Okay, if this is indeed the case, why have I not heard of this syndrome before?” It’s because it’s not a term that conventional method uses nearly as much as alternative medicine does. Still, it makes all of the sense in the world that if your body has to adjust to an uptick in hormonal intake, it would also need to adjust to removing those extra doses of hormones from your system as well. COMMON. DAMN. SENSE.
Anyway, if you were thinking about taking a break from birth control and taking all of this in has you feeling a bit…let’s go with the word “trepidatious” about doing so, I totally get it. There are some things that you can do to make experiencing post-birth control syndrome either a non-issue or a far more bearable one, though.
7 Home Remedies That Can Make Coping with Post-Birth Control Syndrome Easier
1. Take a multivitamin.Something that’s fascinating about what going off of birth control can do is it sometimes has the ability to lower your nutrition levels as it relates to certain vitamins and minerals; this is especially the case when it comes to vitamins B, C, E and minerals like magnesium, selenium and zinc. So, if you don’t currently take a multivitamin, now would be the time to start (along with consuming foods that are particularly high in those nutrients as well).
2. Up your vitamin D intake. Speaking of nutrient levels, a vitamin level that commonly drops after going off of birth control isvitamin D. This is hella critical to keep in mind as a Black woman since many of us tend to be naturally deficient in the vitamin as-is and vitamin D is important when it comes to fighting off diseases, regulating weight and keeping your moods stabilized (for starters). So, make sure that your multivitamin has vitamin D in it. Also make sure to consume vitamin D-enriched foods like fatty fish, eggs, mushrooms, yogurt and fortified orange juice.
3. Drink herbal teas. Since going off of birth control will cause your hormones to be all over the place for a season, consider drinking some herbal teas that will help to stabilize them. Black cohosh contains phytoestrogen properties, Chasteberry can help to level out your prolactin levels and green tea can help your hormones out by helping to balance out your insulin (which can sometimes directly affect them).
4. Keep some ibuprofen nearby. The headaches and migraines? Until those subside, you and ibuprofen are probably going to become really good friends; although I will add that ginger tea and inhaling essential oils like chamomile and lavender can help to ease migraine-related symptoms too.
5. Do some meditating. Waiting for your hormones to get back on track can be stressful as all get out. That said, something that can get your cortisol (stress hormone) levels to chill out is to meditate. If meditation is new for you, check out “7 Meditation Hacks (For People Who Can't Seem To Do It).”
6. Get massages. As if you needed an excuse to get a massage, right (check out “12 Different Massage Types. How To Know Which Is Right For You.”)? However, there is some evidence to back the fact that regular massages (somewhere around once a month) can help to lower your stress, boost your dopamine, increase blood flow and drain your lymphatic system so that you will have more energy.
7. Sleep/rest more. There is plenty of scientific research out here which says that sleep deprivation can throw your hormones out of whack — and since your hormones are already trying to stabilize themselves, you definitely need to get 6-8 hours of sleep and not feel the least bit guilty about taking naps sometimes too.
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Post-birth control syndrome may not be the most pleasant thing about getting off of birth control yet it is manageable. So, now that you know all about it, you can feel more confident about taking a birth control break (or getting off altogether) — without the surprises that can come with doing it. Give thanks.
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