October is a month of dreams coming to fruition, finding gratitude, and gaining new ground. The month begins with a New Moon Solar Eclipse in Libra on October 2, and relationship matters are experiencing a renewal. This Eclipse is significant because it is the final Libra Eclipse on the Aries/Libra axis, which has been going on since 2023 and will conclude in March 2025 with Aries.
This New Moon isn’t about setting new intentions or manifesting; it’s about embracing what has come to fruition for you today and focusing on where love strengthens in your life.
Jupiter has been in Gemini since May 25, expanding our perspectives and building new bridges of connection, and will be in this curious air sign until June 9, 2025. This month, on Oct. 9, however, Jupiter goes retrograde until Feb. 4, 2025, and will be highlighting the importance of introspection, spiritual guidance, and clear communication. When Jupiter is in retrograde, luck is what you make it, and it’s all about perspective right now and seeing things with a more open-minded and positive outlook when you can.
On Oct. 11, Pluto goes direct in Capricorn after being retrograde since May, and this is good news for feeling empowered, resilient, and confident in the life changes you are moving through right now. Pluto direct lifts previous restrictions and enhances a sense of greater freedom and strength. Mercury enters Scorpio a few days later, on Oct. 13, and Mercury in Scorpio has a distinct intensity to matters of the mind.
Mercury will be in this water sign until Nov. 2, and communication should be handled with more care and consideration rather than emotional impulsivity right now. Overall, with the Sun in romantic Libra and Mercury in emotional Scorpio, intimate and vulnerable conversations are taking place this month, creating a more solid ground for relationships to grow.
What October 2024 Has In Store For Your Zodiac Sign
In October, we have a Supermoon in Aries occurring on Oct. 17, and this is the Hunter’s Moon of the year. This Full Moon is about embracing who you are and where your life is today and finding gratitude in what surrounds you. Emotions are running high in mid-October, and this is the time to let go of previous limitations, find your ground, and get settled into where you want to be right now and where you feel empowered in your life.
Venus also enters Sagittarius on the day of the Supermoon until Nov. 11, and a certain excitement and freedom are being enhanced. It’s all about being yourself and allowing that energy to be a magnet for the type of love and connection you are looking for. Scorpio Season officially begins on Oct. 22, and we end the month with things getting even more exciting in love, dreams coming to fruition, and the full picture in clear view.
Read for your sun and rising sign below to see what the month has in store.
AriesKyra Jay for xoNecoleARIES
October is about prioritizing your peace and finding balance, Aries. This is the month where you will need to be flexible and flow with the currents of change rather than fight them. The month begins with a New Moon Solar Eclipse in your 7th house of love, and you are seeing breakthroughs in romance. One-on-one partnerships are a key theme for you this month, as you find your balance between your needs and those of others.
Jupiter in Gemini goes retrograde on Oct. 9, and what this means for you is a change of perspective. Jupiter is currently guiding you toward reconnection and alignment in communication matters and reminding you that you deserve to have a voice and to be heard. On Oct. 17, we have a Supermoon in your sign, and you are turning the heat up as the month ends. This is your time to let go of what is not serving you, your goals, or your health, and to seek resolution of the heart.
TaurusKyra Jay for xoNecoleTAURUS
This is a hopeful month for you, Taurus. You are focused on manifesting your desires and feeling excited about what is possible for you ahead. You have overcome a lot this year, and right now you are feeling like a lot of that is finally behind you. With Jupiter officially retrograde from Oct. 9 until Feb. 4, 2025, you are overall thinking about your plans for the future, especially financially, and how you want to implement a new strategy or greater growth here.
On Oct. 17, a Supermoon in Libra is occurring, and this Moon will be flowing through your 12th house of closure. You are doing a lot of emotional processing right now and are seeing your life with a little more clarity. There is a lot to grasp at this time as you see a chapter close in your life. On the same day of the Supermoon, Venus moves into your 8th house of intimacy and transformation and you are going to be seeing a lot of changes and healing in love over the next few weeks.
GeminiKyra Jay for xoNecoleGEMINI
October is all about feeling content and at peace with where you are in the present, Gemini. This is a fruitful month for you, and you are overall feeling in tune with yourself and the energy in your life right now. The month begins with a Solar Eclipse in your 5th house of romance, and a lot of love is grabbing your attention. You are feeling confident and self-expressive, and you are being met with joy. Emotional receptivity is flowing through your world, and what you have intended for is blooming around you.
This month is also a reminder to nurture your seeds of intention. Jupiter going retrograde in your sign from Oct. 9 until Feb. 4, 2025, is your sign to slow it down, enjoy the present, and renew. If you can find peace within patience, this time will be therapeutic and enlightening. The Supermoon happening at the end of the month will show you some new insight into your friendships, community, hopes, and dreams, and there is a lot of gratitude to be felt this month.
CancerKyra Jay for xoNecoleCANCER
You are shining this month, Cancer. This is a month of claiming your success and being met with recognition, support, and new opportunities. At the beginning of the month, we have a New Moon Solar Eclipse in an area of your life dealing with your home, family, foundations, and emotional stability. You could be moving during this time, experiencing a major change or breakthrough within family matters, or seeing new ways you want to build your close relationships and support systems.
With the Sun also moving through your 4th house of home and family for most of this month, you are focused on your stability and internal happiness in October. Before the month ends, we have a Supermoon in Aries, and this Supermoon for you is all about achievement, success, and feeling supported in your life. Past work or accomplishments are coming full circle for you, and you have a good balance between your personal and professional life and are seeing growth in both areas this month.
LeoKyra Jay for xoNecoleLEO
October is about settling into the happiness you have created for yourself, Leo. A sense of empowerment and self-confidence is what you are feeling this month, and you are moving forward boldly. The month begins with Jupiter going retrograde in an area of your life that has to do with your hopes, dreams, purpose, and community, and you are getting a chance to see how some of your past intentions are coming to fruition for you now. You are getting a big break this month and feeling an overall immense growth in your life.
The Supermoon on Oct. 17 is happening in a fellow fire sign, and you are feeling adventurous right now. This isn’t the time to be impulsive, but you could experience a big relief by letting go a little more and not taking things too seriously. Venus will also be moving into your 5th house of love, happiness, and romance on the same day and you are entering a new journey in love as the month ends. The love you have discovered and rediscovered for yourself is a magnet for the success you are experiencing in October.
VirgoKyra Jay for xoNecoleVIRGO
It’s all coming together for you this month, Virgo. You are experiencing a sense of nostalgia as past dreams and intentions come into reality for you, and you get to enjoy not only how far you have come but, most importantly, where you are now. With a New Moon Solar Eclipse happening in your 2nd house of abundance right as the month begins, you could be experiencing a breakthrough in financial matters in October and are overall moving through a new beginning here, which will continue to be felt over the next six months.
Mercury, your planetary ruler, enters your house of communication in mid-October, and this is a blessing for your connections, communication channels, networking, and creative ideas. You are having some good conversations this month and are discovering new inspirations. Before the month ends, there is a Supermoon in Aries, which will give you time for reflection, healing, and emotional rejuvenation. You are ending October with a renewed vitality for life and an appreciation for all that was because it’s led you to where you are now.
LibraKyra Jay for xoNecoleLIBRA
October is a significant month for you, Libra. Not only is it officially Libra Season, but we also have a New Moon Solar Eclipse happening in your sign. On Oct. 2, the Solar Eclipse in Libra will bring a major shift into your life, how you see yourself and your destiny. You are experiencing an inner awakening and are aligning with what feels powerful, authentic, and right for you. This is your month to be a little more selfish and to ask yourself what you need right now.
On Oct. 9, Jupiter in Gemini moves into retrograde motion and will be retrograde in an area of your chart aligned with travel, higher education, spirituality, and adventure. You could be tempted to take more risks now, but all actions should be thought out intentionally. Emotions are overall higher for you this month with an Eclipse happening in your sign so make sure you are thinking things through. Before the month ends, Venus enters your 3rd house of the mind, and your heart is looking for mental connection, harmony, and excitement moving into November.
ScorpioKyra Jay for xoNecoleSCORPIO
This month is about never losing sight of what is possible for you, Scorpio. You have come a long way and are experiencing a deep sense of accomplishment in October. The month begins with a New Moon Solar Eclipse happening in an area of your life dealing with closure, healing, endings, and what’s hidden. You are gaining the lessons needed to move forward, and new gifts and opportunities are coming into your life through what you have let go of.
Jupiter goes retrograde the following week in your 8th house of transformation, and October is a big shake-up month for you, however, the things you have been wanting to experience are the energy you are entering now.
Mercury moves into your sign from Oct. 13 until Nov. 2, and you are moving through the rest of the month feeling clear-headed, inspired, and communicative. This is a good time to get your message or idea across to someone or to build bridges of connection. Scorpio Season officially begins on Oct. 22, and it’s your time to shine. This Scorpio Season, all eyes are on you, and you are a force to be reckoned with.
SagittariusKyra Jay for xoNecoleSAGITTARIUS
October is a month for communication and gaining inner clarity, Sagittarius. You are seeing the bigger picture right now and have confidence in what you know and believe in. The New Moon Solar Eclipse happening on Oct. 2 will be in your 11th house, meaning this is a powerful time for seeing your intentions come to fruition and a massive shift occurring in your life. This is about embracing new opportunities, trusting your instincts, and aligning with your truth.
On Oct. 17, we have a Supermoon in fellow fire sign Aries, and this Supermoon is guiding you towards love. You are experiencing a letting go of miscommunication or restriction in love and are moving into greater freedom, happiness, and connection in your romantic relationships. With Venus also moving into your sign on the same day until Nov. 11, the second half of the month focuses on compassion, love, and partnership, and you are feeling more confident in this area of your life right now.
CapricornKyra Jay for xoNecoleCAPRICORN
October is a new beginning in love, Capricorn. Even though there are a lot of responsibilities on your plate, as usual, you are still creating time for your relationships, and romance is taking on a new tone for you. The most significant astrological transit of the month is Pluto going direct in your sign after being in retrograde since May. What this means for you is a sense of feeling stronger, more confident, and more in tune with your inner power after feeling like that was taken away from you or more hidden.
In October, we have another Supermoon, which will be moving through your 4th house of home, foundations, stability, and family. This is bringing some renewal and change within the home, and a letting go of old ways of relating. You have been rebuilding a lot this year, and at the end of the month, this energy is coming full circle for you. Before October ends, Venus, the planet of love, enters your 12th house of closure, and you are ready for healing and reflection as you take some time to process all the changes you have been moving through and where your heart is now.
AquariusKyra Jay for xoNecoleAQUARIUS
This is a fun month for you, Aquarius. You feel light-hearted and at ease with the energy flowing through the world, and your heart is open to new opportunities. On Oct. 9, Jupiter will be going retrograde in Gemini, and you are getting some space to reflect on your heart’s desires, and where you want to go from here in love and in terms of what makes you happy and passionate. Pluto goes direct a few days later on Oct. 11, and this will be encouraging and beneficial for your financial world over the next month as you embrace the abundance you deserve in life
On Oct. 17, we have a Supermoon in Aries occurring, and some of your past intentions and ideas are being recognized and supported now. This is a good time to receive the answers you have been looking for. Venus also moves into your 11th house on the same day, and you are experiencing a lot of emotional growth and happiness within your friendships and community. Look at who is around you at the end of the month, and how much some of your soul connections have really been there for you as of late.
PiscesKyra Jay for xoNecolePISCES
October is all about getting more rest, Pisces. Patience is necessary this month, as you need time to grasp all that has been and all that you want for yourself moving forward. The month starts intensely with a New Moon Solar Eclipse happening in your 8th house of transformation, and you are experiencing a lot of emotional changes right now. There is a sense of needing to find your way through all of the different energy that is presenting itself, and taking your emotional and physical well-being more seriously is necessary.
Jupiter goes retrograde in Gemini on Oct. 2, and this will be a journey of gaining new ground and finding healthy ways to emotionally regulate. You are on a journey of self-discovery and will be learning a lot through your relationships with the people closest to you. Venus enters your 10th house on Oct. 17, and this is when you will begin to see things pick up for you. You will leave October wanting to be more social as you have taken the time to rest and reflect at the beginning of the month.
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Featured image by Kyra Jay for xoNecole
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October 2025 Astrology: An Overview
Mercury enters Scorpio on October 6, and Mercury in Scorpio only knows depth. The conversations being had this month are inspiring, transformative, and a little more blunt than usual. This energy is good for the power of persuasion and for asking for what you want, especially within business and financial matters. On the same day, we have a Supermoon in Aries, and this is a powerful Full Moon for reflection, owning your power, and letting go of the insecurities that don’t resonate with what you want for yourself and your future.
Venus, the planet of love, moves into Libra on October 13 after being in Virgo for the past month, and after some time of healing and clarity in love, Libra is here to bring in the romance. Venus loves being in Libra, and this energy creates new beginnings within relationships and provides a little extra magic in this area of life. With Pluto going direct in Aquarius on the same day after being retrograde since May, life and love move forward mid-October, helping provide more stable and nurturing foundations in your personal life and community as well.
The New Moon of the month occurs in Libra on October 21, making it a beautiful time for manifesting romance, balance, and harmony in your world.
This New Moon aligns with the Sun in Libra, and it’s all about letting a new beginning transform your world and the love in your life for the better. Scorpio Season officially begins on October 22, and Neptune retrograde enters Pisces on the same day, bringing in some water sign energy into the mix. As we close out the month, it’s time to renew, honor the transformations occurring, and know that your dreams aren’t as far out of reach as they may seem at times.
Read for your sun and rising sign below to see what October 2025 has in store for you.
What October 2025 Has In Store For Your Zodiac Sign
ARIES
AriesKyra Jay for xoNecoleOctober is all about perspective, Aries. This is the month to trust the divine timing of your life, and not let the what-ifs overwhelm you. With the Sun in Libra, your sister sign, for most of the month, October is about building connections, finding your balance in love, and knowing that you are worthy of what your heart is seeking right now. We have a Supermoon in your sign on October 6, and emotions are a little heavier this month, but also healing. Give yourself grace, and let go of what isn’t working for you.
Venus is in your house of love from October 13 until November 6, and there is a lot to look forward to when it comes to romance and the relationship dynamics in your life as you move through the month. It’s about being confident in your power of attraction and letting love come to you right now. Before October comes to an end, we have a New Moon in your 7th house of love as well, and with all this energy in your relationship zone, life changes for you in love for the better in October.
TAURUS
TaurusKyra Jay for xoNecoleOctober is a spiritual month for you, Taurus. You are thinking a lot about your next steps ahead, and are getting organized, focused, and aligned. The Supermoon on October 6 is a time of reflection for you, and you are entering the month ready to let go of the past, heal, and create space for something new in your life. This month is all about trusting your intuition and letting your wisdom guide you in your personal growth and evolution.
You are more than where you have been, and this month is a reminder of that.
With Mars in Scorpio and in your 7th house of love all month, you are motivated by the partnerships in your life right now. Your love life and relationships are where the action is for you this month, and you are honoring your passion and direction here. Venus, your planetary ruler, moves into your house of health mid-month and into November, and you are leaving October seeking healthier habits, daily routines, and relationships. Overall, this month is helping you align with your vision.
GEMINI
GeminiKyra Jay for xoNecoleThis month is a fresh start for you, Gemini. Your heart is free, love is beaming, and you are feeling larger than life. This month is about taking a leap of faith in yourself, honoring your confidence in life, and being your biggest advocate. With the Sun in your 5th house of self-expression, romance, and happiness, and with Venus entering this same area of your chart mid-October, there is a lot to look forward to right now, and things are looking up for you.
On October 21, we have a New Moon in a fellow air sign, and this is a good time to set your intentions for creative projects, hobbies, romance, and your overall happiness in life. There are a lot of little moments of magic unfolding for you this month, and this New Moon is one of them. Before October comes to an end, Mercury, your ruling planet, enters Sagittarius, and this brings open communication into your relationships, and you are having lively conversations and insights.
CANCER
CancerKyra Jay for xoNecoleThis is a transformative month for you, Cancer. You are moving through closure, healing, and depth as you navigate the opportunities that are coming into your life, with the stability you are seeking. With the Sun in your 4th house of home and family in October, this is the month to spend more time in your safe spaces, connect with your loved ones, and get grounded. You are also more focused on your financial world right now, and this is a good time for building new foundations for yourself and looking at the bigger picture when it comes to your career and life goals.
Mars is in your house of romance and happiness for the entire month, and this is one of the highlights of your life right now. You are passionate about your joy and all the things that light you up inside, and you are protecting your peace and giving more of your energy to your pleasure. Before the month ends, we have a New Moon in Libra, highlighting your home life, and some Cancers may be moving at the end of the month or getting the opportunity to turn a page here. Overall, this is your month to reflect, go within, and make sense of what has been restricting you from feeling stable.
LEO
LeoKyra Jay for xoNecoleOctober is about taking things one day at a time and being patient with what is presenting itself to you, Leo. This month, you are getting your ducks in a row and gaining the clarity needed to create a new beginning in your life. The month begins with a Supermoon in a fellow fire sign on October 6, aligning in harmony with you and fueling your need for adventure. You are going over the wisdom you have gained as of late and how it has shifted the way you navigate your life and see the world around you.
On October 13, Pluto goes direct in your 7th house of love, after being retrograde here since May. This is bringing in more balance, empowerment, and passion into your love life, and this is a positive change of energy for you after a time of some power struggles within your relationships. Before the month comes to an end, we have a New Moon in Libra, and this New Moon is the best time to set intentions for clarity, communication, and connection. October is about taking your time with things and knowing that everything is working out in your favor at the end of the day.
VIRGO
VirgoKyra Jay for xoNecoleThis October is about finding your balance, Virgo. There is a lot of energy when it comes to your finances this month, but you may be overworking or overcommitting yourself in the process. Honor the opportunities and responsibilities in your life, but make sure you are equally taking care of your health and prioritizing your time and energy so that you don’t burn out. Venus, the planet of love, is in your sign until October 13; use this energy to your benefit and let things come to you.
You are a magnet for abundance, romance, and support if you allow yourself to receive it.
On October 13, Venus moves into your 2nd house of income, and your relationships are a supportive place for you to lean on right now. Your love life and partnerships are where your financial world is evolving this month, and this is a good time to ask for what you want; you never know what may happen. At the end of the month, Neptune goes retrograde in your sister sign, Pisces, and you are taking a step back and reassessing what love means for you right now. Overall, October is about remembering that you don’t have to do it all alone, Virgo.
LIBRA
LibraKyra Jay for xoNecoleLibra Season is here, and it’s your time to shine and thrive! This Libra Season changes everything for you, and October is when you really begin to feel this shift in your life. The Sun is in your sign until October 22, and it’s time to put yourself first. With a Supermoon in Aries as we begin the month as well, you are letting go of any unhealthy attachments or relationship dynamics that take you away from yourself, and are moving into deeper clarity.
On October 13, Venus, your planetary ruler, enters your sign, where it loves to be the most. With Venus in your sign for the rest of the month, love takes on a new tone, and you are feeling more love for yourself and where life is taking you right now. To end the month, we have a New Moon in Libra, and it’s time to set your intentions for where you want life to grow for you over the next year. This is a month of embarking on a new journey of self, and allowing what is inspiring you right now to build your confidence in yourself and your relationships.
SCORPIO
ScorpioKyra Jay for xoNecoleOctober is about honoring your freedom and your power to decide, Scorpio. A lot is going on for you this month, and you have the passion and energy to see things through. Mercury, the planet of communication, moves into your sign at the beginning of the month on October 6, and this is going to help you get your ideas across, making it a good month for business matters, networking, and getting inspired. With Mars also in your sign for the entire month, life moves forward for you in transformative ways in October, and you are a force to be reckoned with.
On October 13, Venus moves into your house of closure, healing, and endings, and you are ready to close one chapter of love and create space for a new one. You are in a contemplative space when it comes to matters of the heart, and you are ready to let go of any heaviness you have been feeling here. Scorpio Season officially begins on October 22, and you are ready to begin again. This Scorpio Season is about owning your confidence in life while letting go of insecurities or self-doubts that have been getting in the way of that.
SAGITTARIUS
SagittariusKyra Jay for xoNecoleEverything unfolds for you in a beautiful way this month, Sagittarius. You are flowing well with the energy of October, and life opens up to you. With the Sun in your 11th house of aspirations, dreams, manifestations, and community, you are feeling in balance with your desires and your reality, and are bridging the gap here. This is a month of friendship, believing in your dreams, and creating space for love. With Juno also entering your sign at the beginning of the month until the end of the year, you are attracting soulmates into your life.
On October 6, we have a Supermoon in a fellow fire sign, allowing you some closure in love and a chance at healing. Your heart is feeling renewed, and you are owning your power in creating happiness in your life. Before the month ends, Mercury moves into Sagittarius, where it will be until mid-November, and inspiration is heightened. Pay attention to the guidance you are receiving this month, the conversations you are having, and the light bulb moments that are going off for you right now.
CAPRICORN
CapricornKyra Jay for xoNecoleOctober is about going within and connecting with the guidance of your soul, Capricorn. You are taking more time for yourself this month, and rightly so, as you need time to fully process what has happened so far this year. Pluto goes direct in your 2nd house of income, and this moves things forward when it comes to your earning potential, abundance, and values.
The key this month is in valuing yourself, your perspective, and what you are building in your life right now.
On October 21, we have a New Moon happening in your career zone, and this is a good time to manifest your goals within your professional world. Put yourself out there, show up, and know that you are worthy of success and that your dreams aren’t too big for you. As we close out the month, Mercury moves into your house of closure, even further facilitating your desire for contemplation and alone time this month. Overall, October is about taking care of your mental health, owning your successes, and finding your peace.
AQUARIUS
AquariusKyra Jay for xoNecoleOctober is a new beginning for you in love and in life, Aquarius. Your heart is feeling inspired, and there is a lot to look forward to right now. The Supermoon at the beginning of the month will be occurring in your 3rd house of communication, giving you the answers you have been looking for and helping you close the door on a chapter in your life that left you feeling misunderstood or misdirected. You are ready for a change of pace this month, and you are receiving that as we begin October.
Mid-October, Pluto goes direct in your sign after being retrograde since May, and this is a huge breath of fresh air for you and your path ahead. You may have been a little harder on yourself while Pluto was retrograde this year, and now you feel ready to forgive, move on, and own your power. Before the month comes to an end, we have a New Moon in Libra, and you are embarking on a new adventure. The end of the month is a good time for traveling, exploring, and gaining a new perspective.
PISCES
PiscesKyra Jay for xoNecoleThis month is giving you the guidance, perspective, and passion to see yourself with clear, loving eyes, Pisces. There is a sense of feeling more overwhelmed with life lately, and October is allowing you to gain the insight needed to move on from this energy, or at least see more of the gifts of what has occurred. On October 6, we have a Supermoon in an area of your chart having to do with self-worth, values, and income, and it’s time to see the gifts of what you have been investing in and valuing in your life, including yourself.
Let go of the need to play it small or count yourself out of important conversations, and know that you deserve a seat at the table.
With Pluto going direct in your 12th house of healing as we end the month, you are finally getting the answers you have been looking for emotionally, and it’s changing your perspective on your commitments in life and making you feel empowered. Before the month ends, Neptune goes retrograde in Pisces, and you are going to be moving through a personal revolution as we close out the year. You are inspired by change right now, and this month is what kicks starts this metamorphosis within you.
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Featured image by Kyra Jay for xoNecole
People rarely ask men why they don't have children. In fact, they're seen as unicorns if they've made it to their 40s without procreating. But women, we're held to a different standard. We were gifted with the superpower of nesting and nurturing a soul within our bodies. For nine months, women sacrifice their anatomy, enduring life-altering changes, to bring a human into the world.
It's an honor to be a mother, and at one point in life, that's all I wanted. So, when my partner of seven years wasn't ready to explore marriage and building a family together, we went our separate ways. I dedicated 2019 to getting pregnant, from medical turkey basters to Intrauterine Insemination, to no avail. It was mentally, physically, and emotionally exhausting, so at 35, I decided to wait until I was in a loving relationship. I had lots of time—or so I thought.
Five years later, I was no closer to motherhood.
I was in a relationship, but I knew she wasn't my person. I developed fibroids, which hijacked my body with irregular bleeding for a year and a half. The hard truth was, no matter how much I wanted this for myself, I had no control over when it would happen. So, after a couple of therapy sessions, I was encouraged to redefine how motherhood looks for me. Adoption or fostering a child still allowed me to explore my maternal instincts, without the pressure of a timeframe.
It was then that I removed the bricks that were weighing me down.
Redefining Motherhood On My Own Terms
That reframe prompted me to examine my life and identify the root of the pressure I felt. A huge part of me knew that I tied my worth to becoming a mother.
Carrying and birthing a child is a sacred experience gifted to a majority of people with a uterus. I had to realize that I'm worthy, period. Women were created to be more than the canal to life.
I also acknowledged that my desire to become a mother stemmed from wanting to love a child the way I needed to be loved growing up. We spend our adult lives identifying the source of the wounds that were created during our adolescent years so we can heal them.
I had a seemingly normal upbringing with a mother who loved me and tried her best, but there were moments in my adult life when I had to re-parent myself. I knew motherhood would be a healing experience for me, but I also understood that was a selfish reason to have a child.
Writer Marsha Badger, 41
Photo credit: Jonathan PearsonFinding Peace In A Childfree Life
Now, at 41, I've made peace with my decision not to have children, which allows me to finally experience life without the pressures of finding love and having a child before it's "too late." I am whole as I am, so I stopped looking for motherhood to complete me.
Society treats childless women like lepers, insinuating that something must be wrong with them if they haven't had children. And because we're the only vessel to bring life into this world, it became an expectation. But the truth is, motherhood isn't in the cards for everyone, and that decision isn't up for negotiation. When I decentered finding love and becoming a mom, I experienced a sense of peace and freedom.
There's a community of women struggling with the idea of motherhood and whether there's room for it in this chapter of their lives, and you're not alone. I asked 8 women over 40 six questions. The responses were honest, refreshing, and rooted in their truth. Here's what they had to say.
8 Women Over 40 Share Their Truths About Living Childfree
Lisa Smith, 50+
Courtesy
“I realized motherhood wasn’t in the cards for me in my 20s, but I have pursued motherhood in the past. Very briefly and for someone else and not me...a part of the problem was I didn't enjoy trying... ew. I didn’t feel pressured by society, but I did get asked why (I didn’t have children) a lot. That never made me want one though. I find people don’t like that answer. I'm so great with my decision."
“I have never really had a regret. I almost feel guilty saying it because it defines womanhood in some people's eyes. I'm really a woman with no kids and very happy about it."
"I have been around plenty of children all my life. I was a dance teacher, a Sunday school teacher, a girl scout troop assistant, and I've hosted numerous events for the children in my life. With all of that, nothing in me had that desire to be a mother. I don't hate children and I'm not selfish. However, my biological clock never ticked. I never got that instinctual thing that said, 'Have a baby.' I just didn't want one and it's okay, right? Well, at least it is to me, and my life is great!”
Cheresse Rogers, 41
Courtesy
“Honestly, I can't say there was an exact time that I realized motherhood wasn’t in the cards for me. I have sickle cell so I've battled back and forth for many years about it. That was my main reason why. But if I really had to put a time down when I first had a serious thought about it. I would say my early 20s. At one point in my life I did start looking into what it would take to adopt a child."
"But I never tried to get pregnant myself. Being a lesbian plays a part in my decision making. I will say even though personally my stance hasn't changed on carrying my own child, I am open to either adopting or my partner carrying. That is fine by me.”
“I wouldn’t say I felt pressured by society to have children. I will say at times it can be bothersome to have people keep asking. I've learned that my womanhood is not defined by whether I'm a mother or not. I believe I've lived and I'm living a life of meaningful and loving connections."
"That's what life is about. How we show up on this world. When I go to bed at night, do I sleep well knowing I made a positive impact on others, or did I do something that made me happy that day? That’s something to be proud of. That's what I think of when defining fulfillment.”
“I would say, to any other woman living with a chronic health issue or even to women who are not, do what feels right for you. Research your options. Talk to your doctors. I think at times we put our eggs in one basket. There are so many ways these days to become a mother. I know so many people want to experience the joys of carrying a child. But if you can not for whatever reason. Consider adopting or a surrogate if that's in your means. Do what makes you happy.”
Cam, 62 (asked to be anonymous)
"I have never pursued motherhood. I realized motherhood was not in the cards for me the very moment my mother explained that my ovaries produce eggs that might be fertilized by sperm and grow into a baby. I wasn't full of fear, hate or disgust. My thoughts just crystallized, and I asked my mother if I could have my ovaries removed because 'I knew I didn't want to have babies.' She told me no doctor would do that to me."
"I was thinking how silly it would be to spend a lot of time and money on tending to my ‘periods’ when I knew I was not going to make use of this ‘wonderful function.’ For the record, ten-year-old me genuinely knew myself. I am proud I never abandon my truth."
"I can’t have it all, all the time. Maybe that’s why momma wouldn’t let me get my ovaries removed. I had a lifetime of learning about cycles! I lived with them, through them, and accepted them. I guess that’s the secret of life.”
“Fulfillment on my terms is growing and pruning, living an examined life. I like learning and challenging myself. I like deciding how to spend precious time. I love laughter and laughing at myself. I love keeping folks around me who really accept me warts and all. And when I have the recipe just right…I get wonderful batches of fulfillment that balances the unpleasant elements of living.”
Sabrina Servance, 41
Photo credit: Teri Hofford
"I haven't pursued motherhood. If anything, I avoided it like the plague! When I was in my late twenties, I was still single and at that point, had never had a partner. It was always drilled into my head that the older you got, the harder it would be to have a baby. I reflected on the things I went through: I was severely bullied growing up and also suffer from mental illness, I couldn't imagine my own child going through the same things."
"The longer I thought about it, the more I knew motherhood was not for me. I was far too anxious to handle it and frankly, just didn't want to. Looking at how society is, I am glad that I stuck with my decision not to have children. I love being an aunt! But being a mom is not for me. I feel that the decision was the right thing for me."
"When I was single, I definitely felt it as the majority of my friends were getting married and having children. People kept asking me when I was going to have children, 'Why hadn't I tried?' And when I got married, forget it. The societal pressure is even worse. Eventually, I felt comfortable telling people that I had no desire to be a mother, which people HATED hearing."
"I think that so often, as women, we spend too much time doing what we think we're supposed to do rather than what we want to do. Motherhood is a huge step, and it's okay not to be sure if you want children. It's also okay to say you want children and then change your mind."
"All those people questioning your life choices aren't going home with you to raise your baby, so do what's best for you. I define fulfillment by being able to live life the way I have always dreamed of and pursuing things that weren't possible when I was younger."
Chanel Banks, 44
Courtesy
“I realized motherhood might not be in the cards for me when I started to tap into myself. When I started to become more aware of myself and understand the sacrifice of what motherhood would look like for me. I have pursued motherhood in the past. But as times have changed and I’ve gotten older, I see my life and society through a different lens."
"I didn’t feel pressured by society. Being a mother is a personal choice. If anything, society has allowed me to view motherhood from a bigger point than just myself."
"I feel good about that decision today. Sometimes we have to ask ourselves why we really want something and answer honestly. Do you want it for you? Or for the idea? Do what is best for you and no one else.”
“I define fulfillment on my own terms as living authentically, with freedom and purpose. For me, that means creating a life I love. Nurturing my passions, traveling, and growing as a woman and wife. My joy comes from designing a life that reflects who I truly am.”
Krystle H, 41
Courtesy
"I realized motherhood was not in the cards for me because I haven't been blessed to have a man who is a loving, humorous, fun, outgoing, generous, king and provider. I never pursued motherhood or felt pressured by society. I am happy I never attempted to pursue motherhood with any of the men I dated on a long-term basis because I have no intentions of being a single parent."
"As I approached my 40s, currently at age 41, I have reflected heavily on my past experiences. In looking at these experiences in retrospect, none of these men were providers."
"Although relationships are not guaranteed to be eternal, it is very important to select your partner wisely and carefully. If we aren't meant to continue our relationship, I need to know that he has the ability and mindset to coparent and/or financially provide for his children."
"To me, fulfillment is great health (physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual), financial stability, happiness, good family members and good friends, a stable, solid dwelling, and self-sufficiency. If motherhood is meant for you, it will be for you. Do not allow society to pressure you into motherhood if you are not financially, mentally, and emotionally prepared to be a parent."
Ashia, 40
Courtesy
"I learned that motherhood might not be in the cards for me at 37, when I had my second miscarriage. For the second time, my body was rejecting what seemed to be 'natural.' I got pregnant a month after getting married (not planned, but loved), and it only lasted 11 weeks. I have an autoimmune disease, and although I stopped taking the medicine to suppress/help a year before getting pregnant, my body rejected the fetus. Three years later, I got pregnant again, this time with twins, and my body rejected it for the second time."
"I don't feel pressured by society at all. For a long time, I was afraid to get pregnant, or rather, because of trauma. I used to always say, 'I never want to be my mom to my children, and why would I choose to bring a child into this world that could be born with the same disease as me, and go through the same health issues I've gone through?'"
"And then, on the other hand, I'm the only child who can have children, and I sometimes wonder--although they never say--if my parents feel any emotion about not having grandchildren. I don't let it affect my decision in any way. Because I'm the one who has to keep choosing this life, for the rest of my life. And I don't know if I've reached that level of adulting yet."
"I'm fulfilled because I am here. I am taking the trips, reading the books, going to the events, and still being present for myself and my friends/family. I can choose to show up when I'm whole and can love you from a good place, or lock myself in the bedroom for days on end and not feel obligated to 'perform' because a little is dependent on me."
"There are days when I want to have a baby, and there are days when I am grateful I don't have a child to depend on me. Because some days I don't have the mental capacity to deal with myself, let alone a child. I really commend women who choose to be parents. For anyone who is on the fence, I say just be. Give yourself grace and patience to do whatever YOU want. Not society, or your family, or even FOMO (this is a terrible reason by the way), decides FOR YOU. You're the only one who has to live this life."
Christina L., 42
Courtesy
"I am on a journey of self-discovery, and motherhood is my calling, but I remain open to redefining what that means. After 10 years of navigating fertility challenges and undergoing three procedures to enhance my chances of conceiving, I have faced setbacks. However, my spirit remains unyielding. I am wholeheartedly embracing the possibilities of adoption or the use of donated eggs as we forge ahead."
"When I decided I was ready, I was referred to a fertility clinic to address my low egg count and advised to start the IVF journey immediately for a chance at motherhood. While my partner wasn't ready at the time, I believed they were my person, so I chose to wait. A year later, I opted for UFE, the less invasive approach, to preserve my opportunity for a vaginal birth."
"Eight months later, I underwent a procedure to clear the debris left by dead fibroid tissue in hopes of improving my chances, but still, I faced challenges, and my periods began to lessen. The following year, I completed a gastric sleeve surgery, transforming my health and shedding 100 lbs."
"Despite not yet achieving my dream of having children, I began to reimagine motherhood, embracing the resilience and strength that come from my journey, knowing there are still many ways to nurture and love in this world."
"For a long time, I hesitated to pursue motherhood, but I realized waiting held me back from making my dreams a reality. I found the courage to prioritize my own journey over my fears of failure as a mother and worries about a partner's shortcomings. Embracing my path became my true expectation. I feel guilty because I should have addressed this more practically a long time ago, saving my eggs. My procrastination may have robbed me of the chance of having a child biologically."
Featured image courtesy of Christina L.