October is a month of dreams coming to fruition, finding gratitude, and gaining new ground. The month begins with a New Moon Solar Eclipse in Libra on October 2, and relationship matters are experiencing a renewal. This Eclipse is significant because it is the final Libra Eclipse on the Aries/Libra axis, which has been going on since 2023 and will conclude in March 2025 with Aries.
This New Moon isn’t about setting new intentions or manifesting; it’s about embracing what has come to fruition for you today and focusing on where love strengthens in your life.
Jupiter has been in Gemini since May 25, expanding our perspectives and building new bridges of connection, and will be in this curious air sign until June 9, 2025. This month, on Oct. 9, however, Jupiter goes retrograde until Feb. 4, 2025, and will be highlighting the importance of introspection, spiritual guidance, and clear communication. When Jupiter is in retrograde, luck is what you make it, and it’s all about perspective right now and seeing things with a more open-minded and positive outlook when you can.
On Oct. 11, Pluto goes direct in Capricorn after being retrograde since May, and this is good news for feeling empowered, resilient, and confident in the life changes you are moving through right now. Pluto direct lifts previous restrictions and enhances a sense of greater freedom and strength. Mercury enters Scorpio a few days later, on Oct. 13, and Mercury in Scorpio has a distinct intensity to matters of the mind.
Mercury will be in this water sign until Nov. 2, and communication should be handled with more care and consideration rather than emotional impulsivity right now. Overall, with the Sun in romantic Libra and Mercury in emotional Scorpio, intimate and vulnerable conversations are taking place this month, creating a more solid ground for relationships to grow.
What October 2024 Has In Store For Your Zodiac Sign
In October, we have a Supermoon in Aries occurring on Oct. 17, and this is the Hunter’s Moon of the year. This Full Moon is about embracing who you are and where your life is today and finding gratitude in what surrounds you. Emotions are running high in mid-October, and this is the time to let go of previous limitations, find your ground, and get settled into where you want to be right now and where you feel empowered in your life.
Venus also enters Sagittarius on the day of the Supermoon until Nov. 11, and a certain excitement and freedom are being enhanced. It’s all about being yourself and allowing that energy to be a magnet for the type of love and connection you are looking for. Scorpio Season officially begins on Oct. 22, and we end the month with things getting even more exciting in love, dreams coming to fruition, and the full picture in clear view.
Read for your sun and rising sign below to see what the month has in store.
AriesKyra Jay for xoNecoleARIES
October is about prioritizing your peace and finding balance, Aries. This is the month where you will need to be flexible and flow with the currents of change rather than fight them. The month begins with a New Moon Solar Eclipse in your 7th house of love, and you are seeing breakthroughs in romance. One-on-one partnerships are a key theme for you this month, as you find your balance between your needs and those of others.
Jupiter in Gemini goes retrograde on Oct. 9, and what this means for you is a change of perspective. Jupiter is currently guiding you toward reconnection and alignment in communication matters and reminding you that you deserve to have a voice and to be heard. On Oct. 17, we have a Supermoon in your sign, and you are turning the heat up as the month ends. This is your time to let go of what is not serving you, your goals, or your health, and to seek resolution of the heart.
TaurusKyra Jay for xoNecoleTAURUS
This is a hopeful month for you, Taurus. You are focused on manifesting your desires and feeling excited about what is possible for you ahead. You have overcome a lot this year, and right now you are feeling like a lot of that is finally behind you. With Jupiter officially retrograde from Oct. 9 until Feb. 4, 2025, you are overall thinking about your plans for the future, especially financially, and how you want to implement a new strategy or greater growth here.
On Oct. 17, a Supermoon in Libra is occurring, and this Moon will be flowing through your 12th house of closure. You are doing a lot of emotional processing right now and are seeing your life with a little more clarity. There is a lot to grasp at this time as you see a chapter close in your life. On the same day of the Supermoon, Venus moves into your 8th house of intimacy and transformation and you are going to be seeing a lot of changes and healing in love over the next few weeks.
GeminiKyra Jay for xoNecoleGEMINI
October is all about feeling content and at peace with where you are in the present, Gemini. This is a fruitful month for you, and you are overall feeling in tune with yourself and the energy in your life right now. The month begins with a Solar Eclipse in your 5th house of romance, and a lot of love is grabbing your attention. You are feeling confident and self-expressive, and you are being met with joy. Emotional receptivity is flowing through your world, and what you have intended for is blooming around you.
This month is also a reminder to nurture your seeds of intention. Jupiter going retrograde in your sign from Oct. 9 until Feb. 4, 2025, is your sign to slow it down, enjoy the present, and renew. If you can find peace within patience, this time will be therapeutic and enlightening. The Supermoon happening at the end of the month will show you some new insight into your friendships, community, hopes, and dreams, and there is a lot of gratitude to be felt this month.
CancerKyra Jay for xoNecoleCANCER
You are shining this month, Cancer. This is a month of claiming your success and being met with recognition, support, and new opportunities. At the beginning of the month, we have a New Moon Solar Eclipse in an area of your life dealing with your home, family, foundations, and emotional stability. You could be moving during this time, experiencing a major change or breakthrough within family matters, or seeing new ways you want to build your close relationships and support systems.
With the Sun also moving through your 4th house of home and family for most of this month, you are focused on your stability and internal happiness in October. Before the month ends, we have a Supermoon in Aries, and this Supermoon for you is all about achievement, success, and feeling supported in your life. Past work or accomplishments are coming full circle for you, and you have a good balance between your personal and professional life and are seeing growth in both areas this month.
LeoKyra Jay for xoNecoleLEO
October is about settling into the happiness you have created for yourself, Leo. A sense of empowerment and self-confidence is what you are feeling this month, and you are moving forward boldly. The month begins with Jupiter going retrograde in an area of your life that has to do with your hopes, dreams, purpose, and community, and you are getting a chance to see how some of your past intentions are coming to fruition for you now. You are getting a big break this month and feeling an overall immense growth in your life.
The Supermoon on Oct. 17 is happening in a fellow fire sign, and you are feeling adventurous right now. This isn’t the time to be impulsive, but you could experience a big relief by letting go a little more and not taking things too seriously. Venus will also be moving into your 5th house of love, happiness, and romance on the same day and you are entering a new journey in love as the month ends. The love you have discovered and rediscovered for yourself is a magnet for the success you are experiencing in October.
VirgoKyra Jay for xoNecoleVIRGO
It’s all coming together for you this month, Virgo. You are experiencing a sense of nostalgia as past dreams and intentions come into reality for you, and you get to enjoy not only how far you have come but, most importantly, where you are now. With a New Moon Solar Eclipse happening in your 2nd house of abundance right as the month begins, you could be experiencing a breakthrough in financial matters in October and are overall moving through a new beginning here, which will continue to be felt over the next six months.
Mercury, your planetary ruler, enters your house of communication in mid-October, and this is a blessing for your connections, communication channels, networking, and creative ideas. You are having some good conversations this month and are discovering new inspirations. Before the month ends, there is a Supermoon in Aries, which will give you time for reflection, healing, and emotional rejuvenation. You are ending October with a renewed vitality for life and an appreciation for all that was because it’s led you to where you are now.
LibraKyra Jay for xoNecoleLIBRA
October is a significant month for you, Libra. Not only is it officially Libra Season, but we also have a New Moon Solar Eclipse happening in your sign. On Oct. 2, the Solar Eclipse in Libra will bring a major shift into your life, how you see yourself and your destiny. You are experiencing an inner awakening and are aligning with what feels powerful, authentic, and right for you. This is your month to be a little more selfish and to ask yourself what you need right now.
On Oct. 9, Jupiter in Gemini moves into retrograde motion and will be retrograde in an area of your chart aligned with travel, higher education, spirituality, and adventure. You could be tempted to take more risks now, but all actions should be thought out intentionally. Emotions are overall higher for you this month with an Eclipse happening in your sign so make sure you are thinking things through. Before the month ends, Venus enters your 3rd house of the mind, and your heart is looking for mental connection, harmony, and excitement moving into November.
ScorpioKyra Jay for xoNecoleSCORPIO
This month is about never losing sight of what is possible for you, Scorpio. You have come a long way and are experiencing a deep sense of accomplishment in October. The month begins with a New Moon Solar Eclipse happening in an area of your life dealing with closure, healing, endings, and what’s hidden. You are gaining the lessons needed to move forward, and new gifts and opportunities are coming into your life through what you have let go of.
Jupiter goes retrograde the following week in your 8th house of transformation, and October is a big shake-up month for you, however, the things you have been wanting to experience are the energy you are entering now.
Mercury moves into your sign from Oct. 13 until Nov. 2, and you are moving through the rest of the month feeling clear-headed, inspired, and communicative. This is a good time to get your message or idea across to someone or to build bridges of connection. Scorpio Season officially begins on Oct. 22, and it’s your time to shine. This Scorpio Season, all eyes are on you, and you are a force to be reckoned with.
SagittariusKyra Jay for xoNecoleSAGITTARIUS
October is a month for communication and gaining inner clarity, Sagittarius. You are seeing the bigger picture right now and have confidence in what you know and believe in. The New Moon Solar Eclipse happening on Oct. 2 will be in your 11th house, meaning this is a powerful time for seeing your intentions come to fruition and a massive shift occurring in your life. This is about embracing new opportunities, trusting your instincts, and aligning with your truth.
On Oct. 17, we have a Supermoon in fellow fire sign Aries, and this Supermoon is guiding you towards love. You are experiencing a letting go of miscommunication or restriction in love and are moving into greater freedom, happiness, and connection in your romantic relationships. With Venus also moving into your sign on the same day until Nov. 11, the second half of the month focuses on compassion, love, and partnership, and you are feeling more confident in this area of your life right now.
CapricornKyra Jay for xoNecoleCAPRICORN
October is a new beginning in love, Capricorn. Even though there are a lot of responsibilities on your plate, as usual, you are still creating time for your relationships, and romance is taking on a new tone for you. The most significant astrological transit of the month is Pluto going direct in your sign after being in retrograde since May. What this means for you is a sense of feeling stronger, more confident, and more in tune with your inner power after feeling like that was taken away from you or more hidden.
In October, we have another Supermoon, which will be moving through your 4th house of home, foundations, stability, and family. This is bringing some renewal and change within the home, and a letting go of old ways of relating. You have been rebuilding a lot this year, and at the end of the month, this energy is coming full circle for you. Before October ends, Venus, the planet of love, enters your 12th house of closure, and you are ready for healing and reflection as you take some time to process all the changes you have been moving through and where your heart is now.
AquariusKyra Jay for xoNecoleAQUARIUS
This is a fun month for you, Aquarius. You feel light-hearted and at ease with the energy flowing through the world, and your heart is open to new opportunities. On Oct. 9, Jupiter will be going retrograde in Gemini, and you are getting some space to reflect on your heart’s desires, and where you want to go from here in love and in terms of what makes you happy and passionate. Pluto goes direct a few days later on Oct. 11, and this will be encouraging and beneficial for your financial world over the next month as you embrace the abundance you deserve in life
On Oct. 17, we have a Supermoon in Aries occurring, and some of your past intentions and ideas are being recognized and supported now. This is a good time to receive the answers you have been looking for. Venus also moves into your 11th house on the same day, and you are experiencing a lot of emotional growth and happiness within your friendships and community. Look at who is around you at the end of the month, and how much some of your soul connections have really been there for you as of late.
PiscesKyra Jay for xoNecolePISCES
October is all about getting more rest, Pisces. Patience is necessary this month, as you need time to grasp all that has been and all that you want for yourself moving forward. The month starts intensely with a New Moon Solar Eclipse happening in your 8th house of transformation, and you are experiencing a lot of emotional changes right now. There is a sense of needing to find your way through all of the different energy that is presenting itself, and taking your emotional and physical well-being more seriously is necessary.
Jupiter goes retrograde in Gemini on Oct. 2, and this will be a journey of gaining new ground and finding healthy ways to emotionally regulate. You are on a journey of self-discovery and will be learning a lot through your relationships with the people closest to you. Venus enters your 10th house on Oct. 17, and this is when you will begin to see things pick up for you. You will leave October wanting to be more social as you have taken the time to rest and reflect at the beginning of the month.
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Featured image by Kyra Jay for xoNecole
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A big part of the clarity that is coming through this month is due to Neptune going direct in Pisces on December 10, after being retrograde here since July. With Neptune now direct, we are able to see our inspiration and creativity a little more clearly, providing the perfect energy for dreams and manifestation to be built upon. The smoke is clearing, and it’s up to you to decide what you want to do with this newfound clarity that this transit is bringing. Mercury also moves back into Sagittarius on December 11, which is great for communication and clarity, and the adventures you were trying to see through at the beginning of November come around for you again with greater purpose and support.
On December 15, Mars enters Capricorn until the end of January 2026, and this is the extra push we need to make important changes and to be on the path towards greater abundance, stability, and prosperity. Mars in Capricorn takes care of business, and we have extra energy at our disposal during this time to do so. This transit is an ideal time to focus on your career or financial goals for next year and to start putting some of these plans into motion now. A few days later, we have the New Moon of the month, which will be in Sagittarius on December 19, and this is the perfect New Moon to manifest.
The energy is high, magic is in the air, and it’s all about moving forward with the new beginnings that are inspiring you and bringing you joy to think about right now.
Capricorn Season officially begins on December 21, and this earth sign energy is how we heal, gain closure, and build new foundations in our world. With Venus also moving into a Capricorn a few days later, there is something about peace, prosperity, and security that we are gaining in life and in love as we close out the year, and this is what we need right now. This month is about reflecting on what was, letting go of old hurt, and renewing. December is an ending and a new beginning in one, and there is magic in this space to be created.
Read for your sun and rising sign below to see what December 2025 has in store for you.
AriesKyra Jay for xoNecoleARIES
December is a full-circle moment for you, Aries. You are seeing the gifts in your world and have a lot of gratitude for the way things have come about for you as of late. There are culminations in your world that are providing you with more abundance, stability, and community, and you are exactly where you are meant to be this month. With the Sun in a fellow fire sign and in your 9th house of travel for most of the month, December is a good time to get out of your comfort zone, explore the world around you, and get your body moving.
Mars, your ruling planet, also makes a change and moves into Capricorn on December 15, which will fuel your inspiration and power in your career space. You are making a lot of professional progress as we close out the year; however, make sure to be more mindful of your competitive drive right now. The New Moon on December 19 is the perfect opportunity for you to create some new plans and goals when it comes to traveling, education, and where you want to gain some new inspiration in your world. Overall, this is a month of things coming together for you serendipitously.
TaurusKyra Jay for xoNecoleTAURUS
December is about trusting your intuition, Taurus. You have a lot on your mind this month, and it’s best to delegate, communicate, and allow yourself some relief by opening up to someone and not feeling like you have to hold everything in. As we begin the month, we have a Supermoon in Gemini happening in your house of income, and the plans and projects you have been building here come to fruition for you now. This is the time to gain clarity on your financial world and to take a look at what spending habits you want to let go of here as well.
With Venus in your 8th house of shared resources for most of the month, you are doing a cleanse on your commitments, partnerships, and business ventures. You are taking a look at what you want to dedicate yourself to in the future, and what commitments you may need to let go of now in order to be in the space you truly want to be, both financially and within some of your relationship dynamics. Before we end the month, we have a New Moon in this same area of your chart, and it’s time to look at the opportunities that are presenting themselves and to trust your internal guidance system to lead you forward.
GeminiKyra Jay for xoNecoleGEMINI
You are moving forward fearlessly this month, Gemini. December is your month of love, passion, and dignity, and you are owning the light that you shine. We begin the month with the last Supermoon of the year, happening in your sign, and you are stepping up to the plate. You are showing up, owning how much you have grown this year, and allowing yourself to heal while also acknowledging that you have done your best and you deserve to have fun in the midst of the changes you are creating.
Mercury, your ruling planet, is officially out of retrograde, and you can use this energy to the fullest potential now. With Mercury in your 7th house of love, it’s time to speak from the heart and to talk about the things that matter and that are inspiring you right now to your loved ones. You never know what kind of epiphanies you may have when you open up the conversation to others. Before the month ends, you have a New Moon in this same love area of your chart, and this New Moon is all about manifesting romance, commitment, and abundance in your world.
CancerKyra Jay for xoNecoleCANCER
December is an opening for more love, more joy, and more freedom in your life, Cancer. You have come to a place where you hold so much gratitude in your heart for where you are today and where your heart is shining, and things come together for you with more ease right now. With the Sun in your 6th house of health, work, and daily routines for most of the month, you are getting your ducks in a row while also putting more energy and effort into taking care of yourself, your priorities, and your well-being. This month surprises you in many ways, and it’s because you are showing up.
Mars and Venus both move into your house of love, relationships, marriage, and abundance this month, and you are making strides in your love life. You have both of these opposing forces on your side and are being recognized for the love you are while also receiving the love you want. This month, overall, is about focusing more on the positives in your world and letting your heart have its joy. Before December comes to an end, there is a New Moon in Sagittarius, and this is the perfect opportunity to create the plans you want to see through next year, especially when it comes to your work life, colleagues, business ventures, and health.
LeoKyra Jay for xoNecoleLEO
The scales of karma are balancing, and they are balancing in your favor this month, Leo. December is your month of truth, and of seeing it clearly in your world. The Sun is in your house of romance, pleasure, and happiness for most of the month, and it’s time to relax, be in the present moment, and allow what is meant to be, to be. With a Supermoon in your 11th house of manifestation as December begins, this is a powerful month for seeing your dreams come to fruition, and for feeling like the intentions you have set this year are finally here for you now.
Mars also moves into your 6th house mid-month, and this is the perfect energy to have to move into the new year. You have extra energy at your disposal right now and are feeling fearless with what is possible for you and your daily routine. Before the month ends, we also have a New Moon in a fellow fire sign, Sagittarius, and this is a breakthrough moment for you and your heart. December, overall, wants to show you how loved and supported you are and will be doing so in magical, unexpected, and concrete ways.
VirgoKyra Jay for xoNecoleVIRGO
December is a month of victory, Virgo. You are showing up and experiencing some new successes in your world that move you forward on your path in life. With a Supermoon in your 10th house of career as we begin the month, the effort and intentions you have made this year come into full bloom, and you are being recognized for who you are and the good work you have done. This month is all about showing up and allowing yourself to be seen and loved, knowing that you deserve the support and opportunities you are receiving.
Mars moves into Capricorn on December 15, which brings the passion and excitement into your love life, hobbies, and little pleasures in life that light you up. You want to have fun this month and are going to be walking into the new year with this fearless, happy, and spontaneous energy within you. Before the month ends, Venus also enters Capricorn, and in this same area of your chart, you have a lot to look forward to and believe in right now. Overall, December wants you to be happy and will be doing everything possible to make that happen for you. This is your month to shine, Virgo.
LibraKyra Jay for xoNecoleLIBRA
December is a month of opportunity for you, Libra. New doors open, and you are financially making breakthroughs this month because of it. December begins with a Supermoon in your 9th house, and you are getting a clearer view of where you have been making strides in your life and how it has all brought you here to this present moment of freedom. This month is showing you what happens when you are fearless with your purpose and when you believe in yourself and what you are worthy of.
Moving further into December, Mars moves into your 4th house of home and family mid-month, and you are closing out the year in your safe spaces. You are spending more time with your loved ones and taking the time to quiet your mind and listen to what your heart has been telling you. Before the month ends, we have a New Moon in Sagittarius, happening in an area of your life that deals with communication. This is a great time for getting the answers you have been looking for and for feeling more clear-headed and confident about the decisions you are making as you move into the new year.
ScorpioKyra Jay for xoNecoleSCORPIO
Patience is a virtue this month, Scorpio. December is all about remaining patient and vigilant with what you are creating in your world, and knowing that the universe has your back. It’s time to be reminded of the power of hope, and this month is an opening to greater clarity in your life. There is a lot of energy in your financial zones right now, and this is providing you with new opportunities and new insight; however, the speed at which things come about for you may feel daunting. Keep your head up and eyes focused on what you want and know that you are more than worthy of receiving it.
With Mercury in your 2nd house of income this month, December is a good time to plant new seeds and to think about where you want to be financially a month from now or even a year. This month is asking you to think bigger and to think more long-term so that you can set the appropriate plans into motion now. We also have a New Moon in your house of income before the month ends, and this is when you will see more of your dreams come to fruition in this area of your life, and have more opportunities to build. Overall, December will be teaching you a lot, Scorpio.
SagittariusKyra Jay for xoNecoleSAGITTARIUS
Sagittarius Season is here, and there is a lot in store for you this month, Sag. December is all about what you are dedicating yourself to. It’s about setting your intentions and putting the work in to back up your dreams, and about getting things in order so that when the new beginnings come, you are ready for them. The Sun and Venus are in your sign for most of this month, and there are a lot of eyes on you right now. You have the potential to create a new beginning for yourself, and it’s time to invest in yourself, your love life, and your dreams.
Mercury moves into Sagittarius on December 11, and this is giving you another opportunity to see through some of the plans that you had initiated in November. Mercury was retrograde in your sign last month, and there may have been some disruptions to your vision and plans for the future, and now this energy is turning around for you. Before the month ends, we also have a New Moon in Sagittarius, and you are walking through new doors fearlessly. You are catching others by surprise by your growth this month, and you are thinking a lot about your purpose, future, and plans for the new year.
CapricornKyra Jay for xoNecoleCAPRICORN
December is all about the vision, Capricorn. You are moving through a lot of changes and transformations this month, yet they are giving you a chance at a new beginning in the process. You are focused more on the future and what goals you want to manifest for yourself right now, and are ready to let go of what hasn’t been working for you. With the Sun in your 12th house of closure for most of December, this is your time for healing, but remember, healing doesn’t have to be isolating or boring; you can thrive while you renew, and you are this month.
Mid-month, the excitement picks up for you, and you are feeling more energized than you have in a while. Mars moves into Capricorn until the end of January 2026, and you are being proactive with your goals, intentions, and passions. You are a force to be reckoned with this month, and you are making things happen for yourself with confidence. Capricorn Season officially begins on December 21 this year, and this is definitely speeding up your healing process. You are breaking free from what was, and with Venus also moving into Capricorn before the month ends, you are leaving this year in high spirits and with love opening a new door for you.
AquariusKyra Jay for xoNecoleAQUARIUS
December is all about community, creativity, and manifestation, Aquarius. This is the month to work together with others to help bring your dreams to life. You are in a space of inspiration, empowerment, and beauty, and are creating more of this energy around you and in your world. Look out for what support comes your way this month and know that you don’t have to do everything alone to succeed. With the Sun in your 11th house of manifestation and friendship, your intentions are coming to fruition, and it’s time to celebrate with the people you love and to own how far you have come this year.
On December 19, we have a New Moon in Sagittarius, lighting up your life in all of the best ways possible. This is your New Moon of freedom, victory, and magic, and you are seeing new beginnings appear that you were once just hoping for. Before the month comes to an end, Venus moves into your 12th house of closure, and after an active and successful month, you are ready to relax, heal, and give your heart some of the attention it has been asking for. You are moving into the new year with the need to release and renew what hasn’t been working in your relationships, and you are finally ready to.
PiscesKyra Jay for xoNecolePISCES
December is a big month for you, Pisces. You are making some huge accomplishments this month, and are feeling like everything you have been through this year has been worth it for these moments that are coming to fruition for you now. The Sun is in your 10th house of career and reputation for most of the month, and this is where a lot of your focus is right now. You are claiming your successes and putting yourself out there in ways that not only serve you, but that inspire others as well.
Neptune officially goes direct on December 10, after being retrograde in your sign since July, and you are finally seeing things a little more clearly. You are feeling renewed inspiration and passion in your life, and your intuition is your strongest asset right now. Before December comes to an end, we also have a New Moon in your 10th house of career, and what happens now not only changes things for you in the present, but it also opens new doors and what is possible for you in the new year as well. Overall, you are on top of your game this month and are owning the joy and empowerment you feel.
Featured image by Kyra Jay for xoNecole
Things like what exactly? So glad that you asked.
How Serious Is the Relationship?
GiphyOkay, so if you’ve never heard of the “10-date rule” before, it’s basically the belief that after 10 consecutive dates with someone, it’s time to come to the conclusion that you are officially in a relationship with them. Personally, I have lived, observed and counseled enough people to say that when it comes to knowing where you stand with another person, you shouldn’t assume one damn thing — you should 1000 percent communicate your thoughts and listen to theirs in return.
That said, it is a bit different (wouldn’t you say?) if you’ve been out on a couple of dates with someone vs. if you’ve been with them for almost a year. So yeah, the first thing to ponder is how serious the dynamic is. Because honestly, if things are new and fairly casual, I don’t see how ending things, whether it’s the holiday season or not, is going to matter much — one way or another.
Remember, the holidays tend to be a very emotional time; however, if there isn’t a huge emotional investment going on, I don’t think anyone in a casual situation is going to look back and think that you are a villain (or Grinch), just because you’d prefer not to go on a third date with them. Good lord.
Next point.
Do You Want to Slow Down or End Things Entirely?
GiphyAre you totally over him or is it more like there are some things about the situation that you want to step back and ponder before making any major decisions about the future? If the answer is “B,” I recommend talking it over ASAP; especially if the two of you have been seeing each other for a while at this point. I say this because, whether you all are at the “meet the family” (or have already met the family) stage or not, when people are in a relationship, they tend to factor one another into their holiday plans — and it’s hella inconsiderate to not take this into account when it comes to the guy who you are seeing.
That said, I will say this: It’s mighty interesting that you are choosing this time of the year for this type of relational self-reflection — so, while you’re on this break, think about what it symbolizes.
For instance, are you slowing things down right now because you’re not sure if you want to go into a new year with him or are you doing it because spending the holidays together tends to represent that a relationship is far deeper than you want yours to be right now? Because really, you could’ve gone with the summertime (for example) not the holiday season to make this type of move…so, if your “pump the brakes” time is now, chances are, there is some subconscious subtext going on that you really should get to the root of.
Actual Holidays Are a DEFINITE No-No
GiphyYou would think that this wouldn’t need to be said yet since I once experienced a guy who decided to be a complete a*shole on my birthday some years back — yeah, let’s address it. Isn’t it interesting that one study revealed that during the first week of December, searches for how to break-up with someone go up by a whopping 60 percent? Then, if you add to that the fact that the holidays can sometimes be pretty stressful — well, while most folks with a heart and a conscience wouldn’t dream of breaking up with someone on an actual holiday, sometimes the pressure of everything can create the perfect storm for it to happen anyway.
That said, a super-duper throwback song by Neil Sedaka entitled, “Breaking Up Is Hard to Do” — and it absolutely is. Know what makes it worse: It happening on a holiday, so that every time the day rolls around, it’s bittersweet because you remember that someone broke up with you then.
Listen, just because you may not love or even like someone (in that way) anymore, that doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t treat them with some common decency and respect. Besides, don’t you also want your own Thanksgiving, Christmas Eve, Christmas Day, New Year’s Eve and New Year’s Day to be as unscathed and drama-less as possible?
Whatever you’re gonna do, you’re grown, chile. If you want my advice, though — put good energy into your future holiday seasons and avoid breaking up (or even having deep decisions) on actual holidays.
Definitely Keep the Golden Rule in Mind
GiphyProbably, until the end of time, there are going to be debates about whether karma is real (in the sense of it being scientifically proven). While quite a bit of data says that it isn’t and that it tends to be adapted and promoted by certain faiths more than anything — if you do believe that you reap what you sow (Galatians 6:7-8), at the end of the day, that is pretty much what karma is all about and, as I oftentimes say, karma (or sowing and reaping) don’t have expiration dates. In other words, what you have said and done can manifest in ways and at times that you never saw coming. A cautionary tale, indeed.
So yeah — even if you’ve been with ole’ boy for a while now, you’ve tried to make it work and you just don’t see a future for the two of you anymore, however you decide to end it, definitely keep the golden rule of doing unto others as you would want them to do unto you in mind.
Be as kind as you are honest. Be as empathetic (putting yourself in his shoes) as much as you possibly can. Avoid gaslighting him about how he feels about your decision. Be clear about how you’d like things to be moving forward (for instance, if you actually DON’T want to be friends afterwards, there’s no need to say it). And try not to do anything that will make him feel used — like waiting until after receiving a Christmas gift to end it (you’d be amazed by how many people do exactly that. SMDH).
The thing about break-ups is, live long enough, and you’re probably going to be on the giving and receiving end of one. So, even if you’re not really emotionally invested in your relationship anymore, be kind to your future self and be as respectful as possible throughout your…relational transition. Because even if you don’t feel like he deserves it, your feelings up the road, with someone else who may do the same thing to you…absolutely do.
Timing Is Everything
GiphyA bishop by the name of Fulton J. Sheen once said, “Patience is power. Patience is not an absence of action; rather it is ‘timing’ it waits on the right time to act, for the right principles and in the right way.” And while it might seem really challenging to figure out when the RIGHT time to break up with someone is — “right” is about using good judgment, right is about conforming to certain principles (like integrity and fairness), right is about doing things in order. Now with that in mind, is the RIGHT TIMING now or should it be later?
Only you can really answer that yet what I will say is if your mind, body and spirit aren’t on the same page — figure out why before making any moves. Oh, and if it’s simply about fear — girl, whether it’s November 30, December 9 or January 14…break-ups are always going to be uncomfortable. It’s about knowing what’s best for you and then ending things in a way that is as respectful, timing-wise, as possible (again, due to the whole karma thing).
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‘Tis the season and sometimes “out with the old” means leaving a relationship behind. Just make sure that you move with wisdom and discernment and not hypersensitivity and knee-jerking.
That way, you can look back on every holiday season with as little regret as possible.
Due to how you handled things. Including a (potential) break-up.
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