Your October 2024 Horoscopes Are About Dreams Coming To Fruition & Finding Gratitude
October is a month of dreams coming to fruition, finding gratitude, and gaining new ground. The month begins with a New Moon Solar Eclipse in Libra on October 2, and relationship matters are experiencing a renewal. This Eclipse is significant because it is the final Libra Eclipse on the Aries/Libra axis, which has been going on since 2023 and will conclude in March 2025 with Aries.
This New Moon isn’t about setting new intentions or manifesting; it’s about embracing what has come to fruition for you today and focusing on where love strengthens in your life.
Jupiter has been in Gemini since May 25, expanding our perspectives and building new bridges of connection, and will be in this curious air sign until June 9, 2025. This month, on Oct. 9, however, Jupiter goes retrograde until Feb. 4, 2025, and will be highlighting the importance of introspection, spiritual guidance, and clear communication. When Jupiter is in retrograde, luck is what you make it, and it’s all about perspective right now and seeing things with a more open-minded and positive outlook when you can.
On Oct. 11, Pluto goes direct in Capricorn after being retrograde since May, and this is good news for feeling empowered, resilient, and confident in the life changes you are moving through right now. Pluto direct lifts previous restrictions and enhances a sense of greater freedom and strength. Mercury enters Scorpio a few days later, on Oct. 13, and Mercury in Scorpio has a distinct intensity to matters of the mind.
Mercury will be in this water sign until Nov. 2, and communication should be handled with more care and consideration rather than emotional impulsivity right now. Overall, with the Sun in romantic Libra and Mercury in emotional Scorpio, intimate and vulnerable conversations are taking place this month, creating a more solid ground for relationships to grow.
What October 2024 Has In Store For Your Zodiac Sign
In October, we have a Supermoon in Aries occurring on Oct. 17, and this is the Hunter’s Moon of the year. This Full Moon is about embracing who you are and where your life is today and finding gratitude in what surrounds you. Emotions are running high in mid-October, and this is the time to let go of previous limitations, find your ground, and get settled into where you want to be right now and where you feel empowered in your life.
Venus also enters Sagittarius on the day of the Supermoon until Nov. 11, and a certain excitement and freedom are being enhanced. It’s all about being yourself and allowing that energy to be a magnet for the type of love and connection you are looking for. Scorpio Season officially begins on Oct. 22, and we end the month with things getting even more exciting in love, dreams coming to fruition, and the full picture in clear view.
Read for your sun and rising sign below to see what the month has in store.
ARIES
October is about prioritizing your peace and finding balance, Aries. This is the month where you will need to be flexible and flow with the currents of change rather than fight them. The month begins with a New Moon Solar Eclipse in your 7th house of love, and you are seeing breakthroughs in romance. One-on-one partnerships are a key theme for you this month, as you find your balance between your needs and those of others.
Jupiter in Gemini goes retrograde on Oct. 9, and what this means for you is a change of perspective. Jupiter is currently guiding you toward reconnection and alignment in communication matters and reminding you that you deserve to have a voice and to be heard. On Oct. 17, we have a Supermoon in your sign, and you are turning the heat up as the month ends. This is your time to let go of what is not serving you, your goals, or your health, and to seek resolution of the heart.
TAURUS
This is a hopeful month for you, Taurus. You are focused on manifesting your desires and feeling excited about what is possible for you ahead. You have overcome a lot this year, and right now you are feeling like a lot of that is finally behind you. With Jupiter officially retrograde from Oct. 9 until Feb. 4, 2025, you are overall thinking about your plans for the future, especially financially, and how you want to implement a new strategy or greater growth here.
On Oct. 17, a Supermoon in Libra is occurring, and this Moon will be flowing through your 12th house of closure. You are doing a lot of emotional processing right now and are seeing your life with a little more clarity. There is a lot to grasp at this time as you see a chapter close in your life. On the same day of the Supermoon, Venus moves into your 8th house of intimacy and transformation and you are going to be seeing a lot of changes and healing in love over the next few weeks.
GEMINI
October is all about feeling content and at peace with where you are in the present, Gemini. This is a fruitful month for you, and you are overall feeling in tune with yourself and the energy in your life right now. The month begins with a Solar Eclipse in your 5th house of romance, and a lot of love is grabbing your attention. You are feeling confident and self-expressive, and you are being met with joy. Emotional receptivity is flowing through your world, and what you have intended for is blooming around you.
This month is also a reminder to nurture your seeds of intention. Jupiter going retrograde in your sign from Oct. 9 until Feb. 4, 2025, is your sign to slow it down, enjoy the present, and renew. If you can find peace within patience, this time will be therapeutic and enlightening. The Supermoon happening at the end of the month will show you some new insight into your friendships, community, hopes, and dreams, and there is a lot of gratitude to be felt this month.
CANCER
You are shining this month, Cancer. This is a month of claiming your success and being met with recognition, support, and new opportunities. At the beginning of the month, we have a New Moon Solar Eclipse in an area of your life dealing with your home, family, foundations, and emotional stability. You could be moving during this time, experiencing a major change or breakthrough within family matters, or seeing new ways you want to build your close relationships and support systems.
With the Sun also moving through your 4th house of home and family for most of this month, you are focused on your stability and internal happiness in October. Before the month ends, we have a Supermoon in Aries, and this Supermoon for you is all about achievement, success, and feeling supported in your life. Past work or accomplishments are coming full circle for you, and you have a good balance between your personal and professional life and are seeing growth in both areas this month.
LEO
October is about settling into the happiness you have created for yourself, Leo. A sense of empowerment and self-confidence is what you are feeling this month, and you are moving forward boldly. The month begins with Jupiter going retrograde in an area of your life that has to do with your hopes, dreams, purpose, and community, and you are getting a chance to see how some of your past intentions are coming to fruition for you now. You are getting a big break this month and feeling an overall immense growth in your life.
The Supermoon on Oct. 17 is happening in a fellow fire sign, and you are feeling adventurous right now. This isn’t the time to be impulsive, but you could experience a big relief by letting go a little more and not taking things too seriously. Venus will also be moving into your 5th house of love, happiness, and romance on the same day and you are entering a new journey in love as the month ends. The love you have discovered and rediscovered for yourself is a magnet for the success you are experiencing in October.
VIRGO
It’s all coming together for you this month, Virgo. You are experiencing a sense of nostalgia as past dreams and intentions come into reality for you, and you get to enjoy not only how far you have come but, most importantly, where you are now. With a New Moon Solar Eclipse happening in your 2nd house of abundance right as the month begins, you could be experiencing a breakthrough in financial matters in October and are overall moving through a new beginning here, which will continue to be felt over the next six months.
Mercury, your planetary ruler, enters your house of communication in mid-October, and this is a blessing for your connections, communication channels, networking, and creative ideas. You are having some good conversations this month and are discovering new inspirations. Before the month ends, there is a Supermoon in Aries, which will give you time for reflection, healing, and emotional rejuvenation. You are ending October with a renewed vitality for life and an appreciation for all that was because it’s led you to where you are now.
LIBRA
October is a significant month for you, Libra. Not only is it officially Libra Season, but we also have a New Moon Solar Eclipse happening in your sign. On Oct. 2, the Solar Eclipse in Libra will bring a major shift into your life, how you see yourself and your destiny. You are experiencing an inner awakening and are aligning with what feels powerful, authentic, and right for you. This is your month to be a little more selfish and to ask yourself what you need right now.
On Oct. 9, Jupiter in Gemini moves into retrograde motion and will be retrograde in an area of your chart aligned with travel, higher education, spirituality, and adventure. You could be tempted to take more risks now, but all actions should be thought out intentionally. Emotions are overall higher for you this month with an Eclipse happening in your sign so make sure you are thinking things through. Before the month ends, Venus enters your 3rd house of the mind, and your heart is looking for mental connection, harmony, and excitement moving into November.
SCORPIO
This month is about never losing sight of what is possible for you, Scorpio. You have come a long way and are experiencing a deep sense of accomplishment in October. The month begins with a New Moon Solar Eclipse happening in an area of your life dealing with closure, healing, endings, and what’s hidden. You are gaining the lessons needed to move forward, and new gifts and opportunities are coming into your life through what you have let go of.
Jupiter goes retrograde the following week in your 8th house of transformation, and October is a big shake-up month for you, however, the things you have been wanting to experience are the energy you are entering now.
Mercury moves into your sign from Oct. 13 until Nov. 2, and you are moving through the rest of the month feeling clear-headed, inspired, and communicative. This is a good time to get your message or idea across to someone or to build bridges of connection. Scorpio Season officially begins on Oct. 22, and it’s your time to shine. This Scorpio Season, all eyes are on you, and you are a force to be reckoned with.
SAGITTARIUS
October is a month for communication and gaining inner clarity, Sagittarius. You are seeing the bigger picture right now and have confidence in what you know and believe in. The New Moon Solar Eclipse happening on Oct. 2 will be in your 11th house, meaning this is a powerful time for seeing your intentions come to fruition and a massive shift occurring in your life. This is about embracing new opportunities, trusting your instincts, and aligning with your truth.
On Oct. 17, we have a Supermoon in fellow fire sign Aries, and this Supermoon is guiding you towards love. You are experiencing a letting go of miscommunication or restriction in love and are moving into greater freedom, happiness, and connection in your romantic relationships. With Venus also moving into your sign on the same day until Nov. 11, the second half of the month focuses on compassion, love, and partnership, and you are feeling more confident in this area of your life right now.
CAPRICORN
October is a new beginning in love, Capricorn. Even though there are a lot of responsibilities on your plate, as usual, you are still creating time for your relationships, and romance is taking on a new tone for you. The most significant astrological transit of the month is Pluto going direct in your sign after being in retrograde since May. What this means for you is a sense of feeling stronger, more confident, and more in tune with your inner power after feeling like that was taken away from you or more hidden.
In October, we have another Supermoon, which will be moving through your 4th house of home, foundations, stability, and family. This is bringing some renewal and change within the home, and a letting go of old ways of relating. You have been rebuilding a lot this year, and at the end of the month, this energy is coming full circle for you. Before October ends, Venus, the planet of love, enters your 12th house of closure, and you are ready for healing and reflection as you take some time to process all the changes you have been moving through and where your heart is now.
AQUARIUS
This is a fun month for you, Aquarius. You feel light-hearted and at ease with the energy flowing through the world, and your heart is open to new opportunities. On Oct. 9, Jupiter will be going retrograde in Gemini, and you are getting some space to reflect on your heart’s desires, and where you want to go from here in love and in terms of what makes you happy and passionate. Pluto goes direct a few days later on Oct. 11, and this will be encouraging and beneficial for your financial world over the next month as you embrace the abundance you deserve in life
On Oct. 17, we have a Supermoon in Aries occurring, and some of your past intentions and ideas are being recognized and supported now. This is a good time to receive the answers you have been looking for. Venus also moves into your 11th house on the same day, and you are experiencing a lot of emotional growth and happiness within your friendships and community. Look at who is around you at the end of the month, and how much some of your soul connections have really been there for you as of late.
PISCES
October is all about getting more rest, Pisces. Patience is necessary this month, as you need time to grasp all that has been and all that you want for yourself moving forward. The month starts intensely with a New Moon Solar Eclipse happening in your 8th house of transformation, and you are experiencing a lot of emotional changes right now. There is a sense of needing to find your way through all of the different energy that is presenting itself, and taking your emotional and physical well-being more seriously is necessary.
Jupiter goes retrograde in Gemini on Oct. 2, and this will be a journey of gaining new ground and finding healthy ways to emotionally regulate. You are on a journey of self-discovery and will be learning a lot through your relationships with the people closest to you. Venus enters your 10th house on Oct. 17, and this is when you will begin to see things pick up for you. You will leave October wanting to be more social as you have taken the time to rest and reflect at the beginning of the month.
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Tayler Barakat is a Mystic who has studied Astrology for over a decade. She does intuitive astrology and tarot readings for people all over the world, and her work focuses on healing and empowering individuals. Follow her on Instagram @taylerbarakat_ and check out her website www.listentothevirgo.com.
For Us, By Us: How HBCU Alumni Are Building Legacies Through Entrepreneurship
Homecoming season is here, and alumni are returning to the yard to celebrate with their friends and family at the historically Black colleges and universities (HBCUs) that have changed their lives forever.
No matter where their life journeys have taken them, for HBCU students from near and far, returning to where it all started can invoke feelings of nostalgia, appreciation for the past, and inspiration for the future.
The seeds for these entrepreneurs were planted during their time as students at schools like Spelman, North Carolina A&T, and more, which is why xoNecole caught up with Look Good Live Well’s Ariane Turner, HBCU Buzz’s Luke Lawal and Morehouse Senior Director of Marketing and Comms and Press Secretary Jasmine Gurley to highlight the role their HBCU roots play in their work as entrepreneurs, the legacy they aim to leave behind through the work that they do, and more as a part of Hyundai’s Best In Class initiative.
On Honoring HBCU Roots To Create Something That Is For Us, By Us
Ariane Turner
Courtesy
When Ariane Turner launched Look Good, Live Well, she created it with Black and brown people in mind, especially those with sensitive skin more prone to dryness and skin conditions like acne and eczema.
The Florida A&M University graduate launched her business to create something that addressed topical skin care needs and was intentional about its approach without negative terminology.
Turner shared that it is important to steer clear of language often adopted by more prominent brands, such as “banishing breakouts” or “correcting the skin,” because, in reality, Turner says there is nothing wrong with the way that our skin and bodies react to various life changes.
“I think what I have taken with me regarding my HBCU experience and translated to my entrepreneurial experience is the importance of not just networking,” Turner, the founder and CEO of Look Good, Live Well, tellls xoNecole.
“We hear that in business all the time, your network is your net worth, but family, there’s a thing at FAMU that we call FAMU-lee instead of family, and it’s very much a thing. What that taught me is the importance of not just making relationships and not just making that connection, but truly working on deepening them, and so being intentional about connecting with people initially, but staying connected and building and deepening those relationships, and that has served me tremendously in business, whether it’s being able to reach back to other classmates who I went to school with, or just networking in general.”
She adds, “I don’t come from a business background. As soon as I finished school, I continued with my entrepreneurial journey, and so there’s a lot of that traditional business act and the networking, those soft skills that I just don’t have, but I will say that just understanding how to leverage and network community and to build intentional relationships is something that has taken me far and I definitely got those roots while attending FAMU.”
On Solving A Very Specific Need For The Community
Luke Lawal Jr.
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When Luke Lawal Jr. launched HBCU Buzz, his main focus was to represent his community, using the platform to lift as they climbed by creating an outlet dedicated to celebrating the achievements and positive news affecting the 107 historically HBCUs nationwide.
By spotlighting the wonderful things that come from the HBCU community and coupling it with what he learned during his time at Bowie State University, Lawal used that knowledge to propel himself as an entrepreneur while also providing his people with accurate representation across the internet.
“The specific problem in 2011 when I started HBCU Buzz was more so around the fact that mainstream media always depict HBCUs as negative,” Lawal says. “You would only see HBCUs in the mainstream media when someone died, or the university president or someone was stepping down. It was always bad news, but they never shed light on all the wonderful things from our community."
So, I started HBCU Buzz to ensure the world saw the good things that come from our space. And they knew that HBCUs grew some of the brightest people in the world, and just trying to figure out ways to make sure our platform was a pedestal for all the students that come through our institutions.”
“The biggest goal is to continue to solve problems, continue to create brands that solve the problems of our communities, and make sure that our products, our brands, our companies, and institutions are of value and they’re helping our community,” he continues. “That they’re solving problems that propel our space forward.”
On How Being An HBCU Alum Impacts The Way One Shows Up In The World
Jasmine Gurley
Courtesy
Jasmine Gurley is a proud North Carolina Agricultural and Technical State University alum. She is even more delighted with her current role, which enables her to give back to current HBCU students as the Senior Director of Brand Marketing and Communications and official press secretary at Morehouse College.
“It was a formative experience where I really was able to come into my own and say yes to all the opportunities that were presented to me, and because of that, it’s been able to open the doors later in life too,” says Gurley of her experience at North Carolina A&T. “One thing I love about many HBCUs is that we are required to learn way more about African American history than you do in your typical K through 12 or even at the higher ed level."
She adds, “It allowed us to have a better understanding of where we came from, and so for me, because I’m a storyteller, I’m a history person, I’m very sensitive to life in general, being able to listen to the stories and the trials that our ancestors overcame, put the battery pack in my back to say, ‘Oh nothing can stop me. Absolutely nothing can stop me. I know where I came from, so I can overcome something and try anything. And I have an obligation to be my ancestors’ wildest dreams. Simultaneously, I also have a responsibility to help others realize that greatness.
Gurley does not take her position at an HBCU, now as a leader, lightly.
“People think I’m joking when I say I’m living the dream, but I really am,” she notes. “So I wake up every day and know that the work that I do matters, no matter how hard it might be, how frustrating it may be, and challenging it. I know the ripple effect of my work, my team, and what this institution does also matter. The trajectory of Black male experiences, community, history, and then just American advancement just in general.”
On the other hand, through her business, Sankofa Public Relations, Gurley is also on a mission to uplift brands in their quest to help their respective communities. Since its inception in 2017, Sankofa PR has been on a mission to “reach back and reclaim local, national, and global communities by helping those actively working to move” various areas of the world, focusing on pushing things forward for the better.
“Through Sankofa, we’ve worked with all different types of organizational brands and individuals in several different industries, but I would think of them as mission-based,” says Gurley.
“So with that, it’s an opportunity to help people who are trying to do good in the world, and they are passionate about what they’re doing. They just need help with marketing issues, storytelling, and branding, and that’s when my expertise can come into play. Help them get to that moment where they can tell their story through me or another platform, and that’s been super fulfilling.”
Join us in celebrating HBCU excellence! Check out our Best In Class hub for inspiring stories, empowering resources, and everything you need to embrace the HBCU experience.
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Is Your Man 'Quiet Quitting' You (And You Don't Even Know It)?
A few months ago, I read an article on Gallup’s site about a term that is known as “quiet quitting.” Seeing that reportedly 50 percent of people who go to work on a daily basis are apparently in the process of being a quiet quitter, I decided to do some beyond-the-surface research on it. If you’re not exactly sure what it means to quiet quit while on the job, probably the best way to explain it is it’s what happens whenever someone shows up to work on time and daily (at least for the most part); however, while they’re on the clock all they do is the bare minimum.
Now, the interesting thing about quiet quitting is, while some employees do it because they are lazy (I mean, let’s be real), there are other things that can lead to this approach/tactic, too. They may not put in extra effort because their employer’s expectations aren’t clear (or they are ever-changing; bookmark that, please); they feel like they are doing most of the work without very little reward or even appreciation; they might see the job as having no opportunity for real growth, and/or, it could be that, if they feel as if their employee is basically “running everything,” they may do as little as possible as a bit of a power play — as a way to earn some self-respect until/unless they decide to move on.
On some levels, y’all, quiet quitters are quite the strategists. Kind of in a passive-aggressive type of way.
You know, when I first told someone that I was going to be comparing quiet quitting in the workplace to a man who quiet quits in a relationship, they thought that I was going to be coming from the angle of a guy who low-key ghosts his partner. NOPE. Today, we’re gonna tackle what happens when a man feels a lot like these undervalued employees out here, and so he takes a simple, quiet quitting approach.
That way, you will know what to do if you happen to notice some low-key quiet quitting happening in your own relationship — or, umm, situation.
First, Why Would a Person “Quiet Quit” in a Relationship to Begin With?
GiphyI can just about guess what some of you are already wondering: if a guy is going to go through all of the trouble of doing what a quiet quitter does, why doesn’t he simply end the relationship? Well, sometimes, it’s not that simple. Think about jobs. Even though it’s been reported that over 60 percent of people say that they are emotionally detached at work, while 19 percent go as far as to say that they are completely miserable at their office, what they don’t do is quit. Why? Because jobs provide money for their services, money pays bills, and bills are something that all grown people have to deal with.
In other words, no matter how unhappy some individuals may be, they will find a way to make it work because there is still some sort of “payoff” going on. Sometimes, a relationship is no different.
And, if you pause and ponder long enough, I bet that you can either recall a relationship you’ve been in or you know of someone who’s in a relationship where they are emotionally detached (or sexually unfulfilled or mentally bored or…or…or) and yet they remain because 1) there’s a lot of history between them and their partner; and/or 2) they love their partner yet they’re not sure if they’re “in love” anymore, and/or 3) they are telling themselves, year after year, that what they are going through is seasonal and eventually things will change for the better.
And so, in the meantime, what do they do? THEY QUIET QUIT because, even though they aren’t exactly thrilled with the current state of their relationship right now, they are still getting something (or things) that they need out of it — yes, there is still a payoff.
Now remember, when it comes to professional quiet quitting, it oftentimes happens when folks feel like they are doing most of the work, and/or they don’t feel appreciated and/or they feel disrespected, and/or they feel like their partner is trying to run things all of the time. Lawd…LAWD.
Now, when a guy feels this way in his relationship, how might quiet quitting manifest itself?
6 Ways a Man May Quiet Quit in His Relationship
Giphy1. The two of you spend less time together. Say that you really like someone, yet it seems like every time you’re around them, some sort of argument goes down, or you don’t feel like you can fully be yourself. The good times are good enough that you don’t want to end things, however, at the same time, the bad times are annoying enough that you can’t be around them constantly. So, what do you do? You spend less time in their presence. In a dating dynamic, dates are fewer, conversations are shorter, and less and less future plans are made. This is one way a person who is quiet quitting a relationship may choose to handle things.
2. He’s not as readily accessible as he used to be. My male circle? I’m hella proud of them. One reason is that they all are pretty successful in their prospective fields; so much, in fact, that one of them just told me while we were on a lunch date a few days ago that he almost always answers my calls as opposed to so many people who get pushed straight to voicemail: “You rarely want anything. You just want to know how I am, so I enjoy talking to you.”
That said, I have some clients who nitpick and nag their spouses incessantly. Then they complain about them not immediately answering their calls or replying to their texts. The reason is obvious: who wants to choose to be berated 24/7? Yeah, if your partner used to be readily accessible and that seems to be shifting for some reason, before complaining about it, ask yourself why that might be the case — what you may be doing that has resulted in that type of reaction (or lack of reaction).
3. He’s far more REACTIVE than PROACTIVE. People do what they wanna do. That is so true. And although some folks need to accept that it’s no one’s job to be at their beck and call (entitlement ruins so many relationships), when someone is truly into another person, a clear indication of that is they tend to be far more proactive (doing things without being asked or prompted) than reactive (doing things because they were asked or prompted to do it). When it comes to what’s transpiring in your relationship right now…which is it?
4. The intimacy is lagging. Whenever a physically capable married person tries to tell me that sex isn’t a big deal in their relationship, all I see is one huge human red flag. At least when it comes to the traditional type of marriage, one of the main things that makes it different from any other type of relationship IS that there is a committed-to-one-partner type of physical intimacy between two people. So, if a husband and wife are each other’s only sexual “outlet” — hell yeah, sex needs to be prioritized.
That said, when sex isn’t (as) present in a long-term dynamic, 8 times outta 10, without question, it’s revealing issues within the relationship — and oftentimes, no matter how attractive a person is or even how good the sex may have been with them in the past, when a person doesn’t feel seen or esteemed, they can/will start losing interest. This can also happen when they feel disrespected by their partner, and so they start to put up walls — including in the bedroom.
5. When you bring up the future, he deflects. Relationships are designed to move forward. If they remain stagnant, more times than not, they will eventually come to an end. And so, if it seems like your relationship is currently in a rut or you can’t remember the last time that any real future plans were discussed and/or made, this also could be an indication that your man is a quiet quitter.
The relationship may be cool enough to not end it (for now) — at the same time, though, he may be kinda sorta keeping his eyes open for other “opportunities”…if you know what I mean. And that’s why he doesn’t want to commit to anything more than what he is already in.
6. At the end of the day, he basically does what he “has” to do. The bare minimum. Who wants to be in a relationship where that is transpiring, and yet a lot of people are right there? And why would someone take a bare minimum approach? They might prefer to dodge confrontation. They might not be sure how to please their partner (because their partner keeps changing their mind about what their wants and needs are). They might be running on fumes. They might no longer feel enthusiasm in the dynamic.
To them, there might not be enough of a reason to feel inspired or motivated to do more — and so, they do just enough to keep the relationship going and not much more than that.
How to Address a Relational Quiet Quitter
GiphyThe interesting thing about all six of those potential quiet quitting scenarios is many folks are right in them, and yet, they think that the way to handle the matter is to gripe, criticize, and/or toss out ultimatums left and right when really, there are far more effective ways to get things back on track.
Figure out what you really want. Remember how I already said that some employees quiet quit because their employers either don’t have clear expectations or they are constantly changing them? Geeze, who wouldn’t be frustrated in that type of environment? In fact, I was recently talking to a client who said that they have been on their job for well over two decades with no official title. SMDH. Talk about corporate gaslighting.
Anyway, if your guy isn’t giving you what you want, it might be because you’re putting more pressure on him to read your mind or figure out what those things are when really…you need to find clarity within yourself and then articulate your expectations — not as demands either. Grandma used to say that you can always catch more flies with honey than vinegar.
Same thing goes for getting your needs met. If you feel like some low-key quiet quitting is going on, ask yourself what you want and then make your requests clearly known. Clarity fixes a lot of relationship issues. Trust me.
Address the issue head-on. I don’t know why people think that hinting around is effective — especially with men. Chile, I can’t tell you how many times a woman has said to me that her man has asked if she’s okay, she has responded with an abrupt “I’m fine,” and then she thought he was being “insensitive” by then dropping the subject and going on about his business. If things aren’t fine, it’s up TO YOU to say it, not up to him to ask you 20 questions before you finally state what is really going on. SMDH.
That said, now that you know how quiet quitting can play out in relationships, if you sense that it is happening between you and your guy, bring it up. Not in an accusatory way but in an “I’ve noticed lately that this and this have [or haven’t] been happening. Am I right? Is there something that you want to talk about?” Even guys who don’t like confrontation tend to open up more when they feel like their partner genuinely cares about what they think and how they feel.
Come to an agreement on how both needs can be met. If someone leaves a job, it’s oftentimes because their needs aren’t being met, they found an opportunity that will help them to grow better/faster, or they have been offered more elsewhere. On the other hand, when someone is released from a position, they weren’t meeting their employer’s expectations, they aren’t sticking to the arrangements that were made at the time that they were hired for the position, they “false advertised” when they took the job (meaning, they said that they could fulfill the requirements and then reneged in some way) and/or they are so out-of-pocket with their actions, that their employer simply can’t rationalize keeping them around any longer.
In other words, an employer/employee situation has to be a give-and-take — relationships are no different. So, if after talking to your partner about what is going on, the next step is not for both of you to go back and forth about whose needs or expectations aren’t being met more — no, the next step is to see if you both care about and value one another enough to “meet in the middle,” so that both people feel valued and appreciated.
Mutually agree to be patient with the adjustments that need to be made. When someone is a quiet quitter, it also usually means that trust has been fractionated on some level. And so, if you both decide to try and make things, not just “work” but work for the better, you need to extend a grace period between the two of you. It takes time to break old habits, execute new approaches, and see things (more) from your partner’s perspective. Care enough about each other to be patient with one another.
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A lot of relationships have quiet quitters in them (both directions). A lot of relationships can also be saved if people realized that quiet quitting is the root problem. If you see your situation in all of this, hopefully, you can now approach it in a way that will breathe new life into your dynamic.
After all, life is too short to be out here quiet quitting. Make it work, or move on.
(If you see some real good, try to make it work first, though. We are too grown to be “quick quitting” too.)
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