Actor Neil Brown Jr. Gives Us The 411 On His Successful 25-Year Relationship With His Wife
Neil Brown Jr. gets to play pretend for the rest of his life. His words, not mine. But if you really sit back and think about it, he's absolutely right.
Fans of Insecure and most recently SEAL Team might also be able to attest to this statement as well, as they watch him so effortlessly portray DJ Yella, Chad and Ray respectively. And whether that's due to his on-point comedic timing or striking ability to connect with his character and viewers, it's obvious that pretend or not: Brown was indeed made for these roles.
What's also obvious about the Florida native is that he's madly in love with his craft, his life, and most importantly his wife. He emphatically gushes about her as we chat over the phone in the early hours of the day. He tells xoNecole that not only does his wife Catrina play a pivotal role in his professional evolution, but his personal one as well.
"Her love abounds," he explains. "You know, it turned me into a man, a father, a good friend, a faithful husband, and a faithful Christian in a certain way. She's a cold piece of work. That's my soulmate. I knew we were always going to be together, but we had to learn to be together and how to interpret the dream that was our marriage."
We got the chance to talk to Neil about his new role, why compromise is central to maintaining a long relationship, and why having the capacity to love and endure is so important.
xoNecole: You and your wife have been very open about the formative years of you all's relationship as we saw on ‘Black Love’ doc and various interviews. What made you decide to share that part of your lives?
Neil Brown Jr: With the Black Love doc, we never knew that it was going to be as big as it was. At that point, we had been together for about 18, 20 years and we just saw so many couples with this false sense of what it takes to make a relationship or a marriage work. And no matter what they said, as soon as it got a little rough, they're like, 'Well I don't have to stand for this.'
Throughout our walk in faith, in God and with each other, no matter how rough it got--we had to go back to the core value which was that we wanted to make it work. Outside of someone being abusive towards you, if you made a commitment to each other, then you made a commitment to work things out, not just to be cool when things are all good.
Love is nothing but hard work, compromise, and a lot of laughs in between. We were hoping that when we did that documentary that we would be open and honest, although I am a very private person. We knew we had a responsibility to be honest with [their audience] and let them know that you don't marry [someone] because of how nice and beautiful they are--you marry them because no one can piss you off the way that person can and you still want to be with them.
Photo by Leslie Alejandro
"Throughout our walk in faith, in God and with each other, no matter how rough it got--we had to go back to the core value which was that we wanted to make it work... Love is nothing but hard work, compromise, and a lot of laughs in between."
You two also recently renewed your vows in a beautiful ceremony back in May. What was that experience like and why was that important?
It was a beautiful. But to be honest, I don't remember. From the moment she walked down the aisle--I was done. I was stuck the whole time. I just remember a lot of flowers, a lot of people. It was the most beautiful thing ever, it was everything we had thought of from when I first asked her to marry me when I was 15. The wedding colors and everything we came up, we decided on at 16-17 years old. It took 19 years of marriage [and] 25 years of being together to finally get it done through God's good grace.
Planning it took a whole village. It was so much work. It took 10 years to get the proposal right. Then, it took another year of planning. It just kept getting bigger and bigger. But it was magical. She was a goddess. She walked down the aisle and I'm not going to lie--I couldn't hold it together. Everything was just perfect, she was the belle of the ball. This and the honeymoon have been the greatest experiences thus far, besides the first day that I met her.
What are some of the biggest things you've learned about yourself in your marriage?
Ultimately, that I'm a good person. I never really knew that. I kept wondering what was wrong with me and why it was that I kept messing up. But I realized I'm not a horrible person, I'm just a human being. And when you can accept that and you know that you're human and that you will fall--it's all good as long as you get back up. I also learned that the things that I wanted out of life, I had the willpower to get them done. I learned that I loved her more than I even knew. But I realized that all of the things I wished [for] and dreamed and hoped--I could make those things happen if I had enough faith and that my faith was strong. And that more times than not, I would make the right decision for us.
What's the biggest difference you've found between the Neil at the beginning of your relationship and the Neil you are now?
Patience. I have a lot more patience and I'm slow to anger. Early on I was quick to anger, always ready and looking for a fight, never wanted to lose. I was always trying to win the argument, sometimes at the expense of hurting those I love. But I learned it's okay to lose an argument. As I got older, I became more apt to compromise and with that, I also feel I have a greater capacity for love and what it takes to love.
Speaking of love, how has hers affected you?
Her capacity to love me taught me how to grow up and stop being a little boy and selfish. She taught me to be unselfish and how to compromise. It's funny because my family is the touchy-feely family whereas hers isn't. But they knew how to do things that I didn't--like sharing! I didn't know how to share. My sister is nine years older than me so I was basically home alone. My wife taught me the other side of what I thought love was: how to share, compromise, and give.
I had the touchy-feely stuff down but I didn't know the other part. And my love taught her how to voice it and say it. Her endless capacity to love has taught me more about myself than what I ever knew I could learn. She saw this me in me before I saw it in myself and before I knew he even existed. You know, we're not without our faults but as long as you and your partner have open ears to listen and learn: your love will wither and bloom. But it's always new, it's constantly growing and evolving.
Photo by Leslie Alejandro
"My wife taught me the other side of what I thought love was: how to share, compromise, and give. I had the touchy-feely stuff down but I didn't know the other part. And my love taught her how to voice it and say it.
I’m sure you’ve seen the growing conversation here lately about the importance of love languages. You know, learning how to effectively communicate with your partner. What has that journey been like for you and your wife?
First of all, it's been so much fun. I love to learn, me and my wife both love to learn. And it's interesting that you ask me about love languages because I've actually never read that book. But I always pray to speak to my wife in the love language that she understands and for her to speak to me in a language that we understand.That journey has been so magical because you get little breakthroughs.
Especially when you realize you two just had a debate over something and you realize it wasn't an argument anymore but more like, "I need you to understand me about this." And you both get it and understand. You get to learn new things about your partner and after 25 years, I'm still excited to just wake up and talk to her every morning.
You've been able to successfully maintain a beautiful relationship. What would you say are the major do's and don'ts for someone looking to do the same?
I'd say don't bring other people into your relationship. And that's not to say you can't learn things from other people, but don't judge your relationship based off somebody else's relationship. Just because people are smiling doesn't mean they're happy and just because people are frowning doesn't mean they're necessarily sad. Just because people aren't arguing, it doesn't mean things are great and just because people are arguing, it doesn't mean their relationship is bad. So you really can't look to others or what you need to learn about each other. Because a lot of times the only taste of happiness and joy that some people will ever get in a relationship is when they take a bite out of yours. So you don't want other people influencing your process of loving the one you're with.
Do not shut off, always talk, always be willing to compromise. And don't let your ego write a check that your butt can't cash. You don't want to get to a point in your relationship where you don't have the character to sustain it.
Keeping people out of your relationship, [and checking] your ego and pride are three of the things that I would say would help a couple learn how to love. You have to be willing and wanting to be happy and learn things from each other and listen. Talk to each other, never shut off because that's the quickest way to build resentment and anger. You have to take a step back and be in sight of: do you guys want this to work?
Photo by Leslie Alejandro
"Do not shut off, always talk, always be willing to compromise. And don't let your ego write a check that your butt can't cash. You don't want to get to a point in your relationship where you don't have the character to sustain it."
Before you go, let’s switch gears and talk 'SEAL Team.' It's been renewed for season 3 and you're a fan favorite on that show as Ray, congratulations.
Thank you, thank you.
What has that experience been like?
I am increasingly humbled each and every day by the love that's thrown at all of us. My Dad used to fight in Vietnam so I'm essentially playing my Dad on this show. He's my hero. But I grew up with two forces in my house: my mom was Martin Luther King and my Dad was Malcom X. So I put both of them into portraying Ray. But the fans are so engaged and then I keep running into military personnel from all branches and they really feel it. You know, we're trying to portray the pain and the pitfalls of not just the Special Operators, but their families as well.
But they all dig the show and that's the most heartwarming thing. I actually wanted to be a Navy Seal when I was a kid but I just didn't want to join the Navy (laughs). But now I get to play one on TV which is far more lucrative and way less dangerous. The cast is awesome, our writers are awesome, most of the crew and stuntmen are veterans. It's just humbling all around.
If I’m honest, I feel like you have a track record of being a fan fave on whatever show you’re on. ‘Insecure’ being another example.
You know what? People love to hate Chad and I don't know why! He's just an honest dude, but Prentice Penny and Issa [Rae] and Melina [Matsoukas]--they've been so great. The writers on that show are crazy. People think I'm ad-libbing a lot but I'm not.
You’re not?
I AM NOT. I only ad-lib like 10-15%, but they write Chad that way. Fast-talking, all of that. But the funny thing is, I think everybody at some point in their life knows a person like Chad. But I'm humbled by it, the love is real, it's another dream come true. I couldn't thank HBO and Issa enough. Plus I get to play off Jay Ellis, we have a good time. I wish you guys could see what doesn't make the show. But when we start back up again, I hope I get to do something even more crazy.
We hope you do too. And what's next on the horizon for you?
Fortunately, my hilarious wife is also a writer. She has scripts that I want to go produce, like tomorrow. But it's all about timing. Me and my boy Cory Hardrict have a buddy cop film we're working on. Of course more SEAL Team, more Insecure. And I'm still waiting for Marvel to call. I'll play whoever whenever whatever (laughs). But all in all, I'm trying to continue to work and grow as an actor and just put great things out there.
For more of Neil, follow him on Instagram. Catch him starring in SEAL Team when it returns this fall.
For more of Neil, follow him on Instagram. Catch him starring in SEAL Team when it returns this fall.
*Some answers have been edited and condensed for clarity.
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Writer. Empath. Escapist. Young, gifted, and Black. Shanelle Genai is a proud Southern girl in a serious relationship with celebrity interviews, The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air, and long walks down Sephora aisles. Keep up with her on IG @shanellegenai.
The Reality Of Living With Severe Asthma – As Told by 2 Women On Their Disease Journey
This post is in partnership with Amgen.
The seemingly simple task of taking a breath is something most of us don’t think twice about. But for people who live with severe asthma, breathing does not always come easily. Asthma, a chronic respiratory condition that inflames and narrows the airways in the lungs, affects millions of people worldwide – 5-10% of which live with severe asthma. Severe asthma is a chronic and lifelong condition that is unpredictable and can be difficult to manage. Though often invisible to the rest of the world, severe asthma is a not-so-silent companion for those who live with it, often interrupting schedules and impacting day-to-day life.
Among the many individuals who battle severe asthma, Black women face a unique set of challenges. It's not uncommon for us to go years without a proper diagnosis, and finding the right treatment often requires some trial and error. Thankfully, all hope is not lost for those who may be fighting to get their severe asthma under control. We spoke with Juanita Brown Ingram, Esq. and Jania Watson, two inspiring Black women who have been living with severe asthma and have found strength, resilience, and a sense of purpose in their journeys.
Juanita Brown Ingram, Esq.
Juanita Ingram has a resume that would make anyone’s jaw drop. On top of being recently crowned Mrs. Universe, she’s also an accomplished attorney, filmmaker, and philanthropist. From the outside, it seems there’s nothing this talented woman won’t try, and likely succeed at. In her everyday life, however, Juanita exercises a lot more caution. From a young age, Juanita has struggled with severe asthma. Her symptoms were always exacerbated by common illnesses like a cold or flu. “I've heard these stories of my breathing struggles, but I remember distinctly when I was younger not being able to breathe every time I got a virus,” says Ingram. “I remember missing a lot of school and crying a lot because asthma is painful. I [was taken] to see my doctor often if I got sick with anything so I was hypervigilant as a child, and I still am.”
Today, Juanita says her symptoms are best managed when she’s working closely with her care team, avoiding getting sick and staying ahead of any symptoms. Ingram said she’s been blessed with skilled doctors who are just as vigilant of her symptoms as she is. While competing in the Mrs. Universe competition, Juanita took extra care to stay clear of other competitors to ensure she didn’t catch a cold or virus that would trigger her severe asthma. “I would stand off to the side and sometimes that could be taken as ‘oh, she thinks she's better than everybody else.’ But if I get sick during a pageant, I'm done. I had to compete with that in mind because my sickness doesn't look like everybody else's sickness.”
Even when her symptoms are under control, living with severe asthma still presents challenges. Juanita relies on her strong support system to overcome the hurdles caused by a lack of understanding from the public, “I think that there's a lot of lack of awareness about how serious severe asthma is. I would [also] tell women to advocate and to trust their intuition and not to allow someone to dismiss what you're experiencing.”
Jania Watson
Jania, a content creator from Atlanta, Georgia, has been living with severe asthma for many years. Thanks to early testing by asthma specialists, Jania was diagnosed with severe asthma as a child after experiencing frequent flare-ups and challenges in her day-to-day life. “I specifically remember, I was starting school, and we were moving into a new house. One of the triggers for me and my younger sister at the time were certain types of carpets. We had just moved into this new house and within weeks of us being there, my parents literally had to pay for all new carpet in the house.”
As Jania grew older, she was suffering from fewer flare-ups and thought her asthma was well under control. However, a trip back to her doctor during high school revealed that her severe asthma was affecting her more than she realized. “That was the first time in a long time I had to do a breathing test,” she describes. “The doctor had me take a deep breath in and blow into a machine to test my breathing. They told me to blow as hard as I could. And I was doing it. I was giving everything I got. [My dad and the doctor] were looking at me like ‘girl, stop playing.’ And at that point [it confirmed] I still have severe asthma because I've given it all I got. It doesn't really go away, but I just learned how to help manage it better.”
Jania recognizes that people who aren’t living with asthma, may not understand the disease and mistake it for something less serious. Or there could be others who think their symptoms are minor, and not worth bringing up. So, for Jania, communicating with others about her diagnosis is key. “Having severe asthma [flare-ups] in some cases looks very similar to being out of shape,” she said. “But this is a chronic illness that I was born with. This is just something that I live with that I've been dealing with. And I think it's important for people to know because that determines the next steps. [They might ask] ‘do you need a bottle of water, or do you need an inhaler? Do you need to take a break, or do we need to take you to the hospital?’ So, I think letting the people around you know what's going on, just in case anything were to happen plays a lot into it as well.”
Like Juanita, Jania’s journey has been marked by ups and downs, but she remains an unwavering advocate for asthma awareness and support within the Black community. She hopes that her story can be an inspiration to other women with asthma who may not yet have their symptoms under control. “There's still life to be lived outside of having severe asthma. It is always going to be there, but it's not meant to stop you from living your life. That’s why learning how to manage it and also having that support system around you, is so important.”
By sharing their journeys, Juanita and Jania hope to encourage others to embrace their conditions, obtain a proper management plan from a doctor or asthma specialist like a pulmonologist or allergist, and contribute to the improvement of asthma awareness and support, not only within the Black community, but for all individuals living with severe asthma.
Read more stories from others like Juanita and Jania on Amgen.com, or visit Uncontrolled Asthma In Black Women | BREAK THE CYCLE to find support and resources.
How The Co-Founders Of Melanated Campout Are Changing The Narrative On Black Camping Culture
Exploring the so-called “great outdoors” might not be at the top of your bucket list, but it might need to be. Black women have been finding peace, sisterhood, and adventure through exploration in nature for centuries. Communing with the outdoors has been found to have health benefits such as reducing stress, supporting a healthy lifestyle, increasing focus, and boosting emotional wellness.
And while there have been ongoing challenges and travesties related to racism and sexism related to land and the outdoors, today, there’s a growing trend of groups cultivating a love of the outdoors among Black women that are bringing culturally inclusive activities to the forefront, particularly when it comes to camping.
In fact, research has shown that the number of Black campers is growing to be more reflective of U.S. demographics. In 2020, Kampgrounds of America (KOA), the dominating company with a massive system of campgrounds across North America, found Black people represented 12% of campers, and 60% of first-timers were “non-white.” (For context, that percentage was once in the single digits).
Friends Shunte' McClellan, Cayela Wimberly White, and Jocelyn McCants are taking things to another level with the Melanated Campout Experience, bringing “culture to the woods,” and facilitating a transformative and inclusive journey to enjoy the beauty of nature and the connection of community.
Hosted by Melated Cares, a nonprofit "created to curate culturally conscious events to encourage BIPOC to embrace the outdoors," their most recent event brought hundreds of diverse campers together to enjoy golfing, restaurant meals, yoga, guided fishing, lip sync battles, and more with the backdrop of scenic lake views in Georgia.
We caught up with two of the co-founders, McClellan and White, to talk about what sparked the venture, how camping has enriched their lives and friendship, and why more Black women should embrace experiences in nature:
Michael Rhea's Photography
xoNecole: What sparked the idea for the Melanated Campout Experience?
Cayela Wimberly White: I’ve always liked to go camping. When I was in college, I’d take people camping. We would go to the woods.
I was [also] in 4H, and I’d go camping with them. … And even my grandparents, going to the country in south Georgia, as a matter of fact, and being outside. My grandparents actually had an RV, and we’d just go out and play in the RV. It just happened naturally over the course of life. And a lot of times, you would go out and you wouldn’t see people who looked like you, so [when I saw] others who looked like me, I’d get excited. And so it just went from there.
Shunte' McClellan: One weekend [Cayela] tricked me into coming. She was like, 'Oh, yeah, come on out. We’re going to have a good time. It’s going to be an intimate experience, and I don’t think you’ve given it a fair chance.' I am a pretty adventurous person anyway, so I took her up on it, and it rained. It was a little chilly. It was football season. We were still able to go to the grounds. I still got to know Cayela and some of the other people in the group intimately because we were not distracted.
I got to sleep in a hammock for the first time and just the whole experience— didn’t know it could be like that. My fear was that we [were going to be] outside. There’s going to be bugs. It’s going to be hot-—this or that—and I had already previously put roadblocks up. It was Cayela’s interference that said, ‘Hey, you should try it. Instead of saying no, at least go one time so you can experience.'
It only took one time in the rain, and I still felt like this is the best—best sleep I’d had in a long time. I thought I knew Cayela, and just getting to know a different side of her personality—it was just amazing.
"I got to sleep in a hammock for the first time and just the whole experience— didn’t know it could be like that. My fear was that we [were going to be] outside. There’s going to be bugs. It’s going to be hot-—this or that—and I had already previously put roadblocks up. It was Cayela’s interference that said, ‘Hey, you should try it. Instead of saying no, at least go one time so you can experience.'"
CW: We were in the North Georgia mountains at a private campground—a rather small campground with about 30 sites or so. We rented out the loop at the end …and we were the only people who looked like us. And with us having that time together, even though we were the only ones looking like us—we still had a good time.
SM: [We thought] we have to share this experience with as many people as we know. So, our first intro into this was going to be our friends and family. We were just going to rent out a campground and just introduce everybody to the great outdoors…
We brought things we were excited about. We like to play games. … We had kickball and volleyball. We like to dance, so we had DJs. I didn’t know I liked to fish until that intimate time with Cayela, so we said, ‘Let’s show people how to fish.’ So it was like, we’re going to do some traditional camping stuff but put our own flair on it.
During that time, we knew what we wanted to do. We had [our] experience [as friends], and we had Cayela. She does event planning, and we tapped into that side of her talents as well. The first year [of the Melanated Campout Experience], was it perfect? It wasn’t. It rained that year— the same like that year Cayela tricked me into going—and guess what? Those same people in year one fell in love, too.
We’d rented a huge event tent…so we made sure our core activities didn’t get interrupted. We had people under the tent, and we fellowshiped the whole weekend and had an awesome time.
xoN: How were you all able to expand Melanated Campout to a successful venture in terms of growth of attendance and in business?
SM: One, just to talk generally about viability, this is year five for us. Our first experience was a little over 100 campers in 2019, to over 400 today per event. I think how it’s been viable is that we all, in our own right, have a certain skill set. We have a project manager from IT, and Cayela and I are both engineers. She’s a director on the corporate level. I’ve done Lean Six Sigma process improvement stuff.
The best thing we could do is what I pride Cayela and Jocelyn in nurturing me in this skill: customer service. At the end of the day, people bought into what we were doing because of how friendly we were, we were very accessible in the beginning, and we made sure that we provided excellent customer service.
What ended up happening is that each year, when [a participant] had a good experience, the best gift we could have for growth is word of mouth. So, yes, we spent money for marketing in year one and year two… but the biggest, when we started tracing and tracking where we got the most bang for our buck, was word of mouth. We actually tracked that in our sales, [asking participants] "How did you hear about us?"
Moving on to today, people hear about you, companies hear about you, and [they] want to be part of the movement—getting their brand in front. That’s how we’ve been able to scale up and be profitable.
"We spent money for marketing in year one and year two… but the biggest, when we started tracing and tracking where we got the most bang for our buck, was word of mouth. We actually tracked that in our sales, [asking participants] ‘How did you hear about us?’"
xoN: What are benefits you’ve seen in your life from enjoying multiple camping experiences?
CW: For me, it allows me to take a step back and decompress and just disconnect from the hustle and bustle.
SM: For me, once I started getting more involved in camping, it propagated in other areas. I need to be present. I need to enjoy this. I remember my first time fishing, and I [said] ‘I ain’t touching no worm!’ And it’s like, ‘Well, how are you going to eat?’ And the sense of accomplishment of catching your first fish. Just knowing that, I’m shero now. I just caught this fish. The joy that I get is hearing other people’s [good] experiences.
xoN: What would you say to Black women who might be apprehensive about camping?
CW: That’s a great question because we hear that so much from our Black sistas. It’s ‘You do everything else.’ [Laughs]. The first thing when you say [something] to somebody about camping, it’s like, ‘Black people don’t camp.’ … You run corporations. You run a business. You run a family. You might be a single mom. You might be a caregiver. You do everything else, so this is something you can do, and you’re doing this for you.
For more information on Melanated Campout and future events, visit their website, or follow them on Instagram.
Featured image by Michael Rhea's Photography