You And Your Partner Should Definitely Be Giving Each Other 'Sex Massages'

You And Your Partner Should Definitely Be Giving Each Other 'Sex Massages'

A few weeks ago, while in a session with some clients, the wife asked me if I had any tips on how she and her husband could make foreplay more exciting. The first thing that came out of my mouth was that she and her man should get into giving each other massages more often.

After she looked at me like, “No, I mean something sexy that we can do,” I proceeded to explain to her that, when done with a specific intention and goal in mind, sex massages can be something that will lead to some of the most intense and pleasurable sex two people have ever had.

Yeah, I know a lot of times that, when the topic of massages comes up, it’s from a more “functional” space, such as relieving pain or reducing anxiety; however, as you’re about to see, if you and your man added sex massages into your sex life more often, “boring” is probably the last thing that you will ever use to describe what happens up in your bedroom ever again.

Here’s why I believe that to absolutely be the case…

First, Let’s Recap (Some of) the Benefits of a Massage

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A few years ago, I wrote an article entitled, “12 Different Massage Types. How To Know Which Is Right For You.” for the platform. When you get a second, check it out because not only can it help you to figure out what specific type of massage you should get the next time that you schedule one, but it can also provide some proven health benefits that come with each one.

As far as massages overall, according to the American Massage Therapy Association, massages can do everything from reducing stress and anxiety to soothing lower back pain, releasing muscle tension, and improving your quality of sleep — and that really is just the tip of the iceberg! And since those things alone can play a direct role in not just how much sex you have but how great the sex will be while you’re having it, automatically, massages should become a part of your self-care regimen if you’re serious about getting the absolute most, in the best way possible, when it comes to your sex life (along with the quality of your health overall but we’re talking about sex right now…#wink).

Now, Let’s Talk About the Power of Physical Touch

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Back when I was a teen mom director for the local chapter of a national nonprofit, once I developed a certain level of trust with my “daughters,” they would oftentimes bring their boyfriends (or, umm, situations) in for me to low-key vet them. Even though, these days, you have to be extra careful when it comes to extending any kind of physical contact with folks, does it surprise y’all that I am totally unconventional? I would hug my girls and their guys. Why? Because I get that a big part of the reason why so many young people are so hypersexed is that they don’t really get much physical affection at home (you can always tell); so, sex is what they resort to in order to get some sort of touch from another human being. They’re not alone either; I’ve actually read that the United States tops the places in the world where people are extremely “touch deprived.”

That said, at this point, who doesn’t know about the five love languages (check out “Are You Ready To Apply Your Love Language To Your Sex Life?”)? At the very least, everyone is aware that they are words of affirmation, acts of service, quality time, gifts, and, yes, physical touch. Yet even if physical touch isn’t the top way that you’d prefer to receive love, it’s still a foundational need for you, whether you realize it or not. There are studies to support the fact that when teachers pat their students on the back, those individuals are three times more likely to engage in class, that children with autism (who oftentimes prefer no touch at all) feel soothed whenever they are massaged by a parent or their therapist; that massage therapy is quite effective with moms who are going through postpartum depression, and that touch can make those with Alzheimer’s disease feel less stressed out.

When it comes to touch on a romantic level, there’s also research that cites that physical touch helps to activate the part of our brains that helps us to make wiser decisions. And, when it comes to kissing, we as women choose our partners, in part, by “messages” that we receive through a man’s saliva (no joke!). Plus, if you want to feel supported and empathized with, physical touch can convey that message, too. Not to mention good ole’ oxytocin and the role that it plays in bonding us to other people whenever we’re holding their hand, cuddling up with them, or engaging in sex with them.

I really could go on and on, yet I’m hoping what you’re getting is revelation, understanding, and/or confirmation that physical touch is extremely important and, when it comes to interacting with your partner, it goes well beyond what goes down in the bedroom. Physical touch is literally life-altering.

Okay, So What Makes a ‘Sex Massage’ Different?

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So, what makes a sex (or sexual) massage different from any other kind of one? That’s a good question. A sex massage is pretty much what it sounds like: a massage that has the ultimate intention of sexually exciting or arousing one’s partner.

If the first thing that comes to your mind is a “happy ending,” I won’t lie — there is some merit to that. In fact, full disclosure, a part of what inspired me to even pen this was rewatching the Lifetime seriesThe Client List (Jennifer Love Hewitt) on Tubi (did you know that they’ve gotDegrassi High: The Next Generation [yep with Drake] on there now? Dammit man! LOL). If you’ve never seen it or the movie that resulted in the spinoff, long story short, a spa was giving happy endings on the low. The women there would dress up in sexy outfits, start off with a “regular” massage, and between personal requests for certain fetishes, touching “those” spots, and umm, doing some other things — I’m pretty sure that you get the drift. So yes, all of that would technically qualify as a sex massage.

However, when it comes to its core definition, the objective of a sex massage is to use massage to bring some peace, serenity, and stimulation to the mind, body, and spirit.

When you do this for men, it can help to treat erectile dysfunction and help them to last longer in bed. When you do this for women, it can reduce stress levels and make it easier to climax. For both, it can lead to intensified orgasms, which is always a good thing. And that’s why incorporating sex massages into your foreplay activities can always be a super wise move.

What Are the Different Types of Sexual Massages?

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Okay, so now that you know a little bit more about sex massages, you might be wondering if you should just put a lace teddy on, pull out some massage oil, and get to rubbing (or rubbing one out). I mean, that’s one approach — and I’m pretty sure that your partner won’t mind one bit. LOL. Technically, though, there are some specific types of sex massages that you can do.

Tantric Massage. This is a massage that incorporates the principles of tantra. You can read more about tantric sex principles here. As far as the massage itself goes, you pretty much start by massaging the entire body (preferably while your partner is on their back) as you slowly move towards their various erogenous zones. Peep that I didn’t say genitalia only; erogenous zones are various places throughout the body that sexually stimulate a person (check out “7 Erogenous Zones You and Your Partner Should Explore During Sex,” “Feelin' On These Pressure Points Will Give You The Best Sex Of Your Life” and “So, What If ‘Typical Erogenous Zones’ Annoy TF Outta You?”). Anyway, you can read more about how to give a stellar tantric massage here.

Tantric Breast Massage. Aside from the fact that breast massages can help to remove toxins from your body, if they happen to be an erogenous zone for you, they can feel pretty damn amazing, too, especially since nipple orgasms are definitely a thing and starting your night off with one could make for a super wild evening (in the best way possible, of course). Learn more about breast massages here.

Lingam Massage. Still, a part of the “tantric family,” lingam massages focus on the penis solely. I would go into more depth here, but there’s no need. A few years back, I wrote all about it. Check out “Blow Your Man's Mind By Giving Him This Tantalizing Massage.”

Yoni Massage. Pretty sure you can guess what this one is all about, right? Yes, a yoni massage is when your partner hones in on your vaginal region — first on your vulva (the outer part of your vagina) and then on your vagina (the inner tube). If you’d like to experience one, shoot your man the article that Men’s Health wrote on how to give one; it’s right here.

Nuru Massage. I’m someone who likes to read up on the origin of things. From what I’ve discovered about this type of massage, “nuru” is Japanese for slippery. What takes place here is you and your partner are both naked and (massage) oiled up. Then one of you lays on top of the other and rubs against the other person. How you can do this and it not immediately lead to sex? Your guess is as good as mine, chile. Read more up on it here.


If reading about all of this doesn’t get you all hot ‘n bothered, just at the mere thought of giving and receiving a sex massage, I don’t know what to tell you, sis. Hell, I wrote it and I feel a bit of a tingle! All I can say is that a sex massage is something that you shouldn’t knock until you’ve tried (all five, in my opinion). And once you have, report back if all of that rubbing doesn’t cause a spark! Straight up.

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