There's a true solace and awakening in silence, especially for ambitious women who are constantly tasked with leading households, teams, and companies. When I was recently given the opportunity to experience stillness and tranquility at Tingalay's Retreat, a Caribbean oasis in the West End region of Negril, Jamaica, I was outwardly excited but could feel the twinge of fear and skepticism rising from my gut.
See, I've never been a fan of total silence. It has been an enemy to me for many years now.
I'd always been afraid of total quiet, especially into my early years, because it meant that either I was alone (something I hated to be) or that something treacherous was brewing in our household that hadn't quite yet erupted. I'd developed a habit of always having the TV on or music playing, even when sleeping, and I'd always try to fill up awkward silences in conversations with laughter or a joke.
So, I decided to challenge myself, welcoming silence as a friend and facing my fears of realization and conviction that could come of doing so, with this trip to Tingalaya's. Here's all I learned about the healing power of silence and the importance of taking time to be totally alone and quiet:
Janell Hazelwood/xoNecole
1. It's super freeing to sit in silence in an environment that truly accommodates it.
The whole vibe of the 4.5-acre property embraces you like a hug from your favorite person in the world. The expansive grounds feature rich, beautiful plant life and trees, from palms to willows. The cabins are filled with warm tones of oranges, red, greens, and blues---all hues that have been proven to evoke feelings of calm, peace, and safety.
There are thoughtful touches within each space, like antiques made from organic materials, African, Middle Eastern and Jamaican art, a private patio with a hammock, and the absence of TVs, so you actually have no choice but to delight in the energy of it all. The landscaping enveloping each structure offers a bit of privacy perfect for simply enjoying your own company.
After being greeted by the host, Sophia (who welcomes all guests and cooks both American and Jamaican staples for breakfast), and spending just one hour in my cabin, I really didn't miss the sound of some reality TV rerun or a classic film. And I didn't feel the need to take out my laptop to stream Netflix, either. (Yes, there's WIFI, which, for some, compensates for the exclusion of TVs in each space.)
I found that just enjoying the island breeze while listening to the birds and property's dogs conversing to be super freeing and a welcome start to my silent stay. I swung on my private patio swing, did a bit of journaling, and then took a walk, passing by the on-site kitchen (where I was told guests could cook and share their own meals).
Janell Hazelwood/xoNecole
2. Silence can facilitate the best damn sleep of my life.
Typically I only sleep well when I've done something physically or mentally grueling (i.e. working out, finishing up a super busy day, or decompressing after a super stressful experience.) Before the trip, I'd also been experiencing insomnia due to the rigors of balancing multiple client deliverables at once while trying to lose a few pounds and meet a fitness goal by a certain date. The worry and anxiety had gotten the best of me, affecting my sleep.
During my stay at Tingalaya's Retreat, I got the best sleep of my life. By the time evening hit, the calming atmosphere I'd enjoyed throughout the day was literally like taking a sleeping pill.
After taking a steamy shower in my ensuite bathroom, which also had antique touches, included lemongrass-scented toiletries, and featured a somewhat open-air vibe, I allowed myself to fully enjoy the massive bed, enveloped in soft cotton sheets and an embroidered quilt. At night, it was eerily quiet (and dark) which added a bit more allure to the experience. I found that if I challenged myself to become one with my surroundings and trusted God in placing and protecting me at that moment, I'd find better peace to sleep, and it worked.
I am no stranger to Negril's West End, having stayed at Airbnbs and hotels there on many occasions. The area is oftentimes filled with the noise of parties and cliff-diving at Rick's Cafe, motorcycles and cars taking tourists to and from Seven Mile Beach, and the everyday sounds of hardworking people just trying to survive and thrive, but this retreat seemed to insulate me from hearing any of it, providing comfort in true stillness and tranquility.
3. Enjoying extensive quiet moments can tremendously boost my confidence in self.
After having a breakfast of callaloo, plantain, fruit, and Blue Mountain coffee (Jamaica's world-renowned brand) alone in their open-air dining room, I decided to take a walk to their man-made beach and cliff area to enjoy the salt-water pool.
I walked around a bit, admiring the pastel-colored cottages (which guests can also book to have a seaside view from their rooms), touring the chic white bar and lounge area (which made me fantasize about the day when my long-distance bae and I finally tie the knot), checking out more of the landscaping filled with the lushness of local flora. I then ventured to the pool, which I had all to myself, to take in the breeze and think about what I'm thankful for.
The whole view of the sea and the rhythmic way it filled up the pool for my enjoyment just reminded me of the wonders of the Earth, the endless possibilities of man, and how important it is to appreciate the good in life through reflection.
Janell Hazelwood/xoNecole
4. Silence helps strengthen my ability to think creatively and without limits.
I spent several days going from the quiet of my room to the beach and pool area, and in those times, I brainstormed ideas centered on self-improvement and impact. Those were key things I wanted to focus on in the new year and I'd made a point to be strategic and more deliberate in reaching my goals in those regards.
One particular thing I wanted to do is finally upgrade my social media presence, particularly on Instagram, and since I'd brought my tripod for the trip, I decided to take a few shots of myself, in a bikini---something I'd been avoiding since gaining weight. I thought, 'Janell, the best way to better engage with people is to be yourself, unapologetically, no matter what transitions or changes you're going through. People can relate to that when it's real.' I got a chance to capture true moments of solace and confidence, and I was super-proud walking back to my cabin later that afternoon.
I was also able to come up with the prototype for a special project that I'm excited to finish and release in the next year---a dream that I'd sat on for more than a decade but could no longer do so once I had the time to truly enjoy the benefits of silence for an extended period of time.
My stay at Tingalaya's Retreat did my body and soul an extreme amount of good, and it reaffirmed why others have deemed it the perfect spot to host yoga groups, small family reunions, and solo sabbaticals. It offered me the chance to truly connect with the best parts of myself, unapologetically and uninterrupted---a peaceful place of enlightenment that I plan to revisit for years to come.
For more on Tingalaya's Retreat, visit their website or follow them on Instagram @TingalayasRetreat.
Featured image by Janell Hazelwood/xoNecole
In a xoNecoleexclusive, the iconic actress opens up about embracing this season of her life, new projects, and overall being a “bad motherfucker.” Gabrielle reveals that she was 37 years old when she was diagnosed with perimenopause and is still going through it at 51 years old. Mayo Clinic says perimenopause “refers to the time during which your body makes the natural transition to menopause, marking the end of the reproductive years.”
“I haven't crossed over the next phase just yet, but I think part of it is when you hear any form of menopause, you automatically think of your mother or grandmother. It feels like an old-person thing, but for me, I was 37 and like not understanding what that really meant for me. And I don't think we focus so much on the word menopause without understanding that perimenopause is just the time before menopause,” she tells us.
Gabrielle Union
Photo by Brian Thomas
"But you can experience a lot of the same things during that period that people talk about, that they experienced during menopause. So you could get a hot flash, you could get the weight gain, the hair loss, depression, anxiety, like all of it, mental health challenges, all of that can come, you know, at any stage of the menopausal journey and like for me, I've been in perimenopause like 13, 14 years. When you know, most doctors are like, ‘Oh, but it's usually about ten years, and I'm like, ‘Uhh, I’m still going (laughs).’”
Conversations about perimenopause, fibroids, and all the things that are associated with women’s bodies have often been considered taboo and thus not discussed publicly. However, times are changing, and thanks to the Gabrielle’s and the Tia Mowry’s, more women are having an authentic discourse about women’s health. These open discussions lead to the creation of more safe spaces and support for one another.
“I want to be in community with folks. I don't ever want to feel like I'm on an island about anything. So, if I can help create community where we are lacking, I want to be a part of that,” she says. “So, it's like there's no harm in talking about it. You know what I mean? Like, I was a bad motherfucker before perimenopause. I’m a bad motherfucker now, and I'll be a bad motherfucker after menopause. Know what I’m saying? None of that has to change. How I’m a bad motherfucker, I welcome that part of the change. I'm just getting better and stronger and more intelligent, more wise, more patient, more compassionate, more empathetic. All of that is very, very welcomed, and none of it should be scary.”
The Being Mary Jane star hasn’t been shy about her stance on therapy. If you don’t know, here’s a hint: she’s all for it, and she encourages others to try it as well. She likens therapy to dating by suggesting that you keep looking for the right therapist to match your needs. Two other essential keys to her growth are radical transparency and radical acceptance (though she admits she is still working on the latter).
"I was a bad motherfucker before perimenopause. I’m a bad motherfucker now, and I'll be a bad motherfucker after menopause. Know what I’m saying? None of that has to change. How I’m a bad motherfucker, I welcome that part of the change."
Gabrielle Union and Kaavia Union-Wade
Photo by Monica Schipper/Getty Images
“I hope that a.) you recognize that you're not alone. Seek out help and know that it's okay to be honest about what the hell is happening in your life. That's the only way that you know you can get help, and that's also the only other way that people know that you are in need if there's something going on,” she says, “because we have all these big, very wild, high expectations of people, but if they don't know what they're actually dealing with, they're always going to be failing, and you will always be disappointed. So how about just tell the truth, be transparent, and let people know where you are. So they can be of service, they can be compassionate.”
Gabrielle’s transparency is what makes her so relatable, and has so many people root for her. Whether through her TV and film projects, her memoirs, or her social media, the actress has a knack for making you feel like she’s your homegirl. Scrolling through her Instagram, you see the special moments with her family, exciting new business ventures, and jaw-dropping fashion moments. Throughout her life and career, we’ve seen her evolve in a multitude of ways. From producing films to starting a haircare line to marriage and motherhood, her journey is a story of courage and triumph. And right now, in this season, she’s asking, “What’s next?”
“This is a season of discovery and change. In a billion ways,” says the NAACP Image Award winner. “The notion of like, ‘Oh, so and so changed. They got brand new.’ I want you to be brand new. I want me to be brand new. I want us to be always constantly growing, evolving. Having more clarity, moving with different purpose, like, and all of that is for me very, very welcomed."
"I want you to be brand new. I want me to be brand new. I want us to be always constantly growing, evolving. Having more clarity, moving with different purpose, like, and all of that is for me very, very welcomed."
She continues, “So I'm just trying to figure out what's next. You know what I mean? I'm jumping into what's next. I'm excited going into what's next and new. I'm just sort of embracing all of what life has to offer.”
Look out for Gabrielle in the upcoming indie film Riff Raff, which is a crime comedy starring her and Jennifer Coolidge, and she will also produce The Idea of You, which stars Anne Hathaway.
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Feature image by Mike Lawrie/Getty Images
