

Paradise + Vibe Founders Talk The Power Of Black Women Tapping Into Enjoyment And Play
It's so interesting how many essential aspects of our self-care, wellness, and personal development as adults are linked to our childhood. And as much as I sometimes hate the whole cliche of tapping into an inner child (a concept of which I've struggled with because, after a few years of therapy, I've wished that metaphoric version of me would actually grow up and stop constantly instigating battles with old triggers), there are so many positives to embracing the positive aspects of child-like wonder, creativity, and fun as a very grown-ass woman.
That's where play comes in, especially in reference to the importance of enjoying life. Research has shown that adults who explore their favorite activities or hobbies from childhood and deliberately seek activities of joy can increase feelings of happiness, support, comfort, and creativity. And it's no secret that those feelings are the key to success behind many of the successful, fly Black women in business we all admire or want to emulate.
Two enterprising acquaintances-turned-friendpreneurs know just how empowering the pursuit of enjoyment can be, and they've seen the benefits —in their careers, friendships, and within the community of Black women they've built via their platform Paradise + Vibe.
Founders Iana Edwards, CEO, and Kasondra McConnell, CFO, launched the platform in 2020, offering retreats, pop-up events, and other ways for women to connect, relax, release, and, of course, have fun. Friends since 2014, they'd been on the pulse of the intersection between wellness and play in their own respective lives before teaming up for Paradise + Vibe.
"In 2019, Iana became a yoga instructor, and her career just took off in the yoga space to the point where hotels were asking her to teach," Kasondra said. "Later, we went to Jamaica for her birthday, and the last day we were there, we were just in the ocean, talking, and I said, ‘I really think you could do something where you bring people together—because you’re the attraction for the yoga—so why not use your own platform to better yourself?' From there, we came up with a name and launched with the intention to provide a space for wellness for people of color to feel safe and connected and in tune with all of the things that make you feel well and whole."
"With our retreats, we are bringing people together where they can connect in a place where they can play, be present, and get back to what they need at their core—just to feel good."
Even outside of the retreats and other events they host, Iana and Kasondra make sure they infuse play into their everyday lives, and reiterate that the activities don't have to be super-strenuous or structured. Many of the things they love to do for enjoyment in adulthood tie directly into fond memories of their childhood. Kasondra loved watching Legends of the Hidden Temple, a '90s action-adventure game show and used to create backyard obstacle courses in the backyard with her family. Today, she still loves being out in nature, enjoying the mental clarity of walking or hiking. "I oftentimes have to use my brain a lot, but with hiking, you don't. You're just putting one foot in front of the other. I live near a trail, and so I'll go walk there. And anytime I'm engulfed in water, I love it," she said.
One of Iana's favorite childhood memories of fun is going with her schoolmates to a dinosaur exhibit at Fernbank Museum in Atlanta. "We had peanut butter sandwiches, and I was just enamored with the surroundings, getting out of the classroom setting and being with my classmates. It was then that I realized joy is simple, and it's sometimes just a choice."
Iana and Kasondra pride themselves on embodying a different take on wellness, especially for Black women. "We bonded over that before I went to yoga training, and we just saw, inadvertently, a need for something that wasn't there," Iana said. "We have always been very rogue when it comes to wellness. We've given pushback on the whole [idea that] you have to eat a certain way, you have to be a vegan, you have to eat raw foods, [or] you can't eat this, you can't eat that— this trope of, to be a yogi, you have to look and identify as a certain type."
"We love to dance. We love to go out. We love to listen to ratchet music. We do yoga. We do move our bodies. But we're also people, human, and women, and we are a little bit of everything. We approached it like, 'You know what? We're going to take a true holistic approach to wellness and encompass it all and not leave out the turn-up aspect.'"
Iana, who has been practicing yoga for almost a decade (and has been trained by the best to teach it), and Kasondra, a serial entrepreneur who has worked in real estate, retail, and events, merged their talents, skills, and experiences in order to provide something to the market they felt was missing.
Courtesy of Paradise + Vibe
Both agree that wellness is all about intention and energy, not just what you put into your body. And when Black women are able to truly enjoy the things that lead to laughter, comradery, amusement, and pleasure, innovative, life-changing, and culture-shifting things happen. "One day, Kasondra said, 'Friend, wellness is about connection. It's not about whether we're eating a salad. It's so much deeper than that,'" Iana recalled.
"When you think about [when we were] children, in our most pure form as humans, we were a little more connected then," Kasondra added. "When you were playing, you were outside, taking in Vitamin D from the sun, energy from the Earth. You were connecting with other people. Play takes you out of being so heady and into the present moment. You're not so worried and anxious about what you have going on and more so connected to being present."
With Paradise + Vibe retreats, women are supported in participating in group activities and yoga, with the backdrop of paradise in global locales—including South Africa, Brazil, Mexico, and Indonesia—that truly facilitate freedom, leisure, and bliss. "There's proof that, if you look at what depression is, it's essentially being stuck in the past, and anxiety is being occupied with the future and what's to come," Kasondra said.
"So if you can do things like Bikram yoga, which Iana teaches, it's so hot and so intense but so rewarding. It gets you into the present moment. [With] play [it's] the exact same thing, so we took these ideas, and we injected it into our retreats. We select activities that allow people to do things that will take them out of their comfort zones, especially for our audience, which is predominantly Black women. We're talking about in Costa Rica, where we're white-water rafting. In Jamaica, we hiked Mayfield Falls. There's parts of the water where you have to swim, and [that took] people out of their head and got them into the present moment."
Changing the narrative on wellness, enjoyment, and self-care for Black women is vital, especially when choosing a holistic approach that's both considerate of one's personal experience and passions and pushes them to break boundaries. That's what connected Kasondra and Iana in the first place. "We love a hot spring, a body of water. Let’s get on an ATV. Let’s go to an elephant sanctuary—any kind of activity that breaks our adult avatar," Kasondra said. "When you are engaged in some sort of play, you’re the closest you’ve ever been to your childhood version of yourself."
For more on Kasondra, Iana, and Paradise + Vibe events, visit them on Instagram or their website.
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Featured image courtesy of Paradise + Vibe
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From Monogamy To Polyamory: 'I'm In An Asexual Poly Marriage With My Husband Of 7 Years'
Have you ever wondered what it's like to be asexual and in an open marriage? Relationship Coach Mikki Bey shared her first-hand experience with us as well as answered some of our burning questions.
Like a lot of people, Mikki met her now husband, Raheem Ali, online. As soon as they met, they instantly fell in love and got engaged on their first date. Just 90 days after they met, the couple tied the knot and have now been married for seven years. Raheem and Mikki aren’t your typical married couple, and despite being married for almost a decade, their marriage is anything but traditional. Mikki and Raheem have what she calls an "asexual polyamorous marriage."
Defining Her Sexuality
It wasn't until last summer that Mikki found the language to define her sexuality. "I didn't have the language for it until last summer," she explained to xoNecole. "Looking back, I just thought sex wasn't my thing. It was never enjoyable for me, and I'd go years without even noticing.”
Mikki always thought she was broken because she had no interest in sex. Mikki noticed after her friends came to visit and started discussing their sexual fantasies that she realized something was different about her. “At that point, I knew something was definitely different about me since I do not have sexual fantasies at all. It was truly news to me that people are at work thinking about sex! That was not my experience.” This led to Mikki researching asexuality, which she soon realized fit her to a T. “It felt like breathing new air when I was able to call it by name," said Mikki.
"Looking back, I just thought sex wasn't my thing. It was never enjoyable for me, and I'd go years without even noticing it."
Asexuality refers to people who experience little or no sexual attraction, experience attraction without acting on it sexually, or experience sexual attraction differently based on other factors. Like most things, asexuality falls on a spectrum and encompasses many other identities. It's important to remember, however, that attraction and action are not always synonymous: some asexuals may reject the idea of sexual contact, but others may be sex-neutral and engage in sexual activity.
It's possible that some asexuals will have sex with someone else despite not having a libido or masturbating, but others will have sex with a partner because it brings a sense of connection.
From a Traditional Marriage to Kitchen Table Polyamory
Although Mikki never really had a high sex drive, it wasn’t until after the birth of her son, that she noticed her sex drive took a real nosedive. “I never had a high sex drive, but about a year after my son was born, I realized I had zero desire. My husband has a high sex drive, and I knew that it would not be sustainable to not have sex in our marriage at that time.”
She was determined to find an alternative to divorce and stumbled upon a polyamory conversation on Clubhouse. Upon doing her own research, she brought up the idea to their husband, who was receptive. “It’s so interesting to me that people weigh sex so heavily in relationships when even if you are having a ton of sex, it’s still a very small percentage of the relationship activity," Mikki shared.
They chose polyamory because Mikki still wanted to be married, but she also wanted to make sure that Raheem was getting his individual needs and desires met, even if that meant meeting them with someone else. “I think that we have been programmed to think that our spouses need to be our 'everything.' We do not operate like that. There is no one way that fits all when it comes to relationships, despite what society may try to tell you. Their path to doing this thing called life together may be different from yours, but they found what works for them. We have chosen to design a marriage that works for us,” Mikki explained.
"We have chosen to design a marriage that works for us. We both consent to each of us having everything from casual sex partners to lifetime partners if it should go there. We believe love is abundant and do not limit ourselves or each other on how we express it."
She continued, “We both consent to each of us having everything from casual sexual partners to lifetime partners if it should get there. We believe love is abundant and do not limit ourselves or each other on how we express it. Our dynamic is parallel with kitchen table poly aspirations.”
Kitchen table polyamory (KTP) is a polyamorous relationship in which all participants are on friendly terms enough to share a meal at the kitchen table. Basically, it means you have some form of relationship with your partner’s other partner, whether as a group or individually. A lot of times, KTP relationships are highly personal and rooted in mutual respect, communication, and friendship.
Intimacy in an Asexual Polyamorous Marriage
Mikki says she and her husband, Raheem, still share intimate moments despite being in a polyamorous marriage. “Our intimacy is emotional, intellectual, spiritual, and physical, although non-sexual. We are intentional about date nights weekly, surprising and delighting each other daily, and most of all, we communicate our needs regularly. In my opinion, our intimacy is top-tier! I give my husband full-body massages, mani-pedis and make sure I am giving him small physical touches/kisses throughout the day. He is also very intentional about showing me his love and affection.”
Raheem and Mikki now use their lives as examples for others. On their website, thepolycouplenextdoor.com, they coach people interested in learning how to be consensually non-monogamous. “We are both relationship coaches. I specialized in emotional regulation, and Raheem specializes in communication and conflict resolution. The same tools we use in our marriage help our clients succeed in polyamory."
Mikki advises people who may be asexual or seeking non-monogamy to communicate their needs openly and to consider seeking sex therapy or intimacy coaching. Building a strong relationship with a non-sexual partner requires both empathy and compassion.
For more of Mikki, follow her on Instagram @getmikkibey. Follow the couple's platform on Instagram @thepolycouplenextdoor.
Featured image by skynesher/Getty Images