Although I’m personally not a holiday kind of gal, because I am all for people getting the most out of their sexual experiences, I do look forward to special occasions when I can pen pieces like this. Why? While so many people are stressing themselves completely out as they plan to celebrate the Christmas season, I like to recommend ways that they can incorporate this time of year with an activity that can bring their anxiety levels down and truly bring some peace and goodwill — to their own man.
That said, it really is crazy to take in that Christmas is just a few days away. However, while you’re out here hustlin’ and bustlin’ to get your last-minute items together, here are 15 things that you can do to make the nights leading into Christmas and, possibly the night of, one that will even give Black Santa a run for his money.
1. Text Him Your Sex Wish List
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Sometimes, wives will ask me for a subtle way to convey to their husbands that sex has fallen into a bit of a rut without bruising their ego (wise call). This time of the year is a perfect opportunity to get certain, umm, requests in because, since this is the season of giving, you can share some (new) desires that you have without it coming off like you’re complaining. So, why not put together your own sex wish list and share it with him? You can do it by sexting. After all, there are reports that say that sexting has the ability to boost your partner’s self-esteem and build trust with them as well. How can all of that not work in your favor this Christmas — and beyond?
2. Get Some Velvet Handcuffs
While some of y’all may have thought that bondage is no more than a fetish or kink, there are actually some proven benefits to participating on some level in this type of sexual activity. One in particular that I once read is it can cause “sensory deprivation,” and while, on the onset, that might seem like a bad thing, what that actually can do is cause your anticipation levels to spike, which can intensify your sexual experience overall.
And so, since velvet is winter’s “signature fabric,” why not cop (pun not intended) some velvet handcuffs while you’re doing your holiday shopping?
3. Invest in a Portable Fireplace and Faux Fur Rug
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Listen, Brian McKnight gets all sorts of side-eye from me these days (if ya know, ya know), yet we’d all be in some serious denial if, when the topic of top Christmas songs (especially in the Black community) comes up, “Let It Snow” (Boyz II Men featuring Brian McKnight) doesn’t almost immediately come to mind. In the visual, we get what I oftentimes think of when I reflect on the quintessential Christmas scene: a log cabin, a fireplace, and I’m pretty sure there’s a fur rug on the floor somewhere up in there. It’s romantic. It’s cozy. And it’s hella sensual.
And guess what? Even if you don’t have a fireplace, there are portable ones that you can purchase. There are compact ones (like this one here) or electric stoves that look like fireplaces (like this one here) that you can buy, or there are even little tabletop fire pits (like this one here) that are pretty adorable. As far as the rugs go, these days, they’ve got some faux fur ones that feel amazing and won’t break your budget. My suggestion would be to go to Amazon and put “faux fur rugs” in the search field; especially if you want to try and get one by Christmas.
4. Send Your Man a “Naughty” Christmas Card
You would think that with as attached to our phones that we are these days and with the rising costs of stamps (don’t get me to cussin’), the greeting card industry would be struggling. Nope. I actually recently read that a whopping one billion cards go out in this country alone on an annual basis. So, in order to help get your partner even more in the mood, why not send him a naughty rather than nice Christmas card? Etsy is my jam, and I recently saw a card on the site that had two ginger people on it with the message “taste my cookie” on it (you can cop it here). Or you can get damn near filthy and make one from scratch.
5. Light Some Clove-Scented Candles
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When it comes to scents that are associated with Christmas, cloves are definitely one of them. And guess what? They are also considered to be an aphrodisiac. Both the scent and consumption of them help to reduce stress, and, when you cook with them, they can help you to feel all warm ‘n fuzzy down below. And since candlelight not only creates a sensual atmosphere, it can also be ideal if you’re into wax play (you can read more about that here)…why not get some soy (they burn longer and cleaner) clove-scented candles? These alone will help to get you and your partner instantly in the mood.
6. Fill a Garter Stocking with Some Sexy Surprises
Hanging stockings from a fireplace or mantel is pretty common during Christmas. Well, since this is about sex-themed Christmas ideas, why not fill a sexy garter with little sexy surprises? Maybe some Santa Condom Pops. Some tiny truth-or-dare cards. A cock ring. Some sex position cards. A handwritten love/sex letter. A hotel room reservation for Christmas or New Year’s. Some sex dice. A nipple and clitoris chain (that you both can enjoy). A couple of sex tokens. A sexy scent.
The possibilities are truly endless.
7. Bake Some (Sex Position) Ginger Christmas Cookies
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It’s pretty common to see a gingerbread house, some ginger snaps, or some other ginger-based dessert during the holidays. Okay, but did you know that ginger is actually considered to be another solid aphrodisiac? I’m dead serious. Science says that it “triggers” a sexual stimuli in both men and women in a way that intensifies sexual arousal. Not only that, but it can increase blood flow to your genitalia as well as increase fertility (whew, chile!). And now that you see some bona fide reasons to make some ginger cookies, why not send a few hints by having your ginger cookie people participate in a few sex positions? Etsy has several merchants who sell Kama Sutra cookie cutters. A few of them can be found here, here and here.
8. Create Some “Naughty or Nice” Coupons
Has your man been naughty or nice this year? With any luck, he’s actually been a bit of both. If you want to reward him for balancing things so well, make him some naughty or nice coupons. The naughty ones can feature sexual things that he can “redeem” from you throughout the upcoming year, while the nice ones can feature things like taking him out to his favorite spot or cooking him his favorite meal on a random weeknight. If you need some help as far as how to literally design the coupons, The Dating Divas published an article entitled, “24 DIY Love Coupons for Him” that can point you in the right direction.
9. Hang Some Christmas-Themed LED Lights
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One of the best things about Christmas is driving around at night and looking at all of the pretty lights. Some that I saw online, that I found to be pretty stunning, were LED lights that were designed to mimic meteor showers (you can see and buy them here). And that gave me even more sexy Christmas inspiration. Whether you string some lights from your bed, you bring a mini Christmas tree into your bedroom, or you’ve got a tree out back that you can hang some lights from to look at during afterplay, hang some lights somewhere. They can be very sensual — plus, can it really feel like Christmas without ‘em?
10. Use Some Hot Chocolate Lubricant
nfortunately, a lot of the time, whenever the topic of lubrication comes up, people think that it’s only for women who may have trouble getting wet (or wetter) — and that couldn’t be further from the truth. That’s actually why I once wrote, “The Wetter, The Better: 10 Creative Ways To Use Lubricant,” because there are all kinds of ways to incorporate it into your sexual plans. Not only does more lube create less friction (which means that you can go longer…both of you), the sensation of wetness is pretty damn erotic too.
And since I’d be floored if you went an entire holiday season without at least one cup of hot chocolate, in the spirit of how delicious hot chocolate is, why not invest in some hot chocolate-flavored lube? One place that I found some is located here.
11. How About Some Cannabis Chocolate Caramel Candy?
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What’s Christmas without candy, and what’s sex without weed? Okay, I know that might’ve been a bit of a wild segue, yet you really can combine Christmas, candy, and cannabis if you truly want to. For instance, there are sweet treats like Sensi Chew Amoré Chocolate Caramel Aphrodisiac that can help to get you and your partner totally right as far as getting (and staying) in the mood is concerned. And why would you even want to give this a shot? Because if anything can help to make you more uninhibited, it’s weed. If you don’t believe me, check out “7 Proven Ways Weed Makes Sex So Much Better” and “Why Cannabis Lube Is The Best Thing To Get Yourself For V-Day” at your leisure.
12. Explore with Some Peppermint Frosting
A couple of years ago, I penned an article for the platform entitled, “12 'Sex Condiments' That Can Make Coitus Even More...Delicious”. One of the things that got a shout-out was frosting. It’s super sweet. It’s easier to clean up than, say, syrup or honey. And since you’ll probably have some frosting lying around anyway, why not bring some into your bedroom? And while we’re on the topic, why not, in the spirit of Christmas, have it be peppermint-flavored? While there are some mixed reviews on the consumption of mint being able to lower a man’s testosterone levels, adding a few drops of peppermint oil to some frosting isn’t going to cause any harm. If anything, the menthol sensation will make for him receiving fellatio a truly mind-blowing experience — umm, so I’ve heard. #wink
13. “Deck Your Halls” with Some Edible Glitter
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Glitter is something we see a lot around this time of year. With that being said, it’s almost impossible to imagine what life was like before YouTube. Lawd. And won’t it help you in a pinch when you want to learn something real quick? For instance, I was recently looking for how to make edible glitter (I forgot) and stumbled upon a channel called My Lockdown Rasoi. It featured a way to make edible glitter with just two ingredients (you can watch it here). If I’ve gotta explain this tip…I don’t know what to tell you, sis.
14. Swap Out Your Safe Word with a Jingle Bell
So, what if some of the things on that wish list of yours have you a little nervous when it comes time to actually execute them? I hear you. To keep along with the whole Christmas theme, instead of using a safe word over the next couple of weeks, why not get yourself a jingle bell instead?
It’s a festive way to slow things down and pretty easy to find at a local arts and crafts store during this time of the year.
15. Wear Some Mistletoe Around Your Waist
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Anyone who knows me knows that I am big on discovering the origin stories of things (which is why engagement ring pressure irks me to no end; you can read about it here). So, since mistletoe comes up, A LOT, during Christmastime, I definitely looked it up to see what all of the hype was about. Well, aside from the fact that it is actually a parasitic plant that provides nourishment to birds, butterflies, and various mammals, the reason why we hold the tradition of kissing underneath them is because, way back in the day, to Celtic Druids, they were a symbol of fertility while to Norse mythology, they were a symbol of peace and love. Also, apparently, a goddess by the name of Figg lost her son to an arrow that was made out of mistletoe, and so she declared that anyone who walked underneath mistletoe should kiss instead of using it as a weapon.
And since kissing is definitely what still holds true as far as mistletoe goes today, why stop at the mouth? Wear some mistletoe anywhere on your body where you want to be deeply kissed. Around this time of year, you should be able to find some at your local nursery or online at sites like Amazon. If you pin a piece of it to some sexy red lingerie or on your garter belt, how could your partner not get the hint? Talk about “and to all a good night”, chile. Enjoy, sis! ENJOY.
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RELATED
Camesha created the organization after her struggles with mental health and the lack of community she experienced. The Chicago native explains how she created Sista Afya to be rooted in “culturally grounded care.”
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“So at my organization, Sista Afya Community Care, we focus on providing mental health care through a cultural and gender lens,” she tells xoNecole. “So when we think about the term intersectionality, coined by Kimberlé Crenshaw, we think about the multiple identities that lead to certain experiences and outcomes as it relates to Black women.
“So in the context of culturally grounded care, being aware of the cultural history, the cultural values, and then also the current issues that impact mental health outcomes.”
Words like “strong” and “independent” have long been associated with Black women for some time and many of us have begun to embrace the soft life and are using rest as a form of resistance. However, some of us still struggle with putting ourselves first and overall shedding the tainted image of the “strong, Black woman” that had been forced on us.
Camesha shares that while there’s more and more communities being created around empowerment and shared interests like running, she still questions, “are Black women really comfortable with being vulnerable about sharing their experiences?”
Being vulnerable with ourselves and others play an important role in healing the instinctive nature of always being “on” for everyone. “I'm currently facilitating a group on high functioning depression, and yesterday, we talked about how when Black women may be struggling or have shared their concerns with other people. They may be minimized, or they're told to just be strong, or it's not so bad, or I went through something worse back in Jim Crow era, so you should be thankful,” she explains.
“So I think there's a challenge with Black women being able to be honest, to be vulnerable and to receive the support that they need in the same capacity as how much they give support to other people. So that is probably a very common theme. I think we've made a lot of progress when we talk about the superwoman syndrome, the mammy stereotype, the working hard stereotype, the nurturing stereotype. I think we're beginning to unpack those things, but I still see that we have definitely a long way to go in that area.”
I think there's a challenge with Black women being able to be honest, to be vulnerable and to receive the support that they need in the same capacity as how much they give support to other people.
Roman Samborskyi/ Shutterstock
While we’re unpacking those things, we know that we’re still women at the end of the day. So as we continue to serve in various roles like mothers, daughters, sisters, and caretakers, we have to make caring for ourselves a priority. Camesha reveals four ways we can still care for others without abandoning ourselves.
Trust
First things first, trust. Camesha explains, “Some of the burdens that Black women have can be linked to not feeling like you can trust people to carry the load with you.
“It's hard because people experience trauma or being let down or different experiences, but one of the things that I found personally is the more that I'm able to practice trust, the more I'm able to get my needs met. Then, to also show up as my best to care for other Black women.”
Know Your Limitations
Another thing Camesha highlighted is Black women knowing their limitations. “The other thing that I would like to bring up in terms of a way to care for yourself is to really know your limitations, or know how much you can give and what you need to receive,” she says.
“So often, what I see with Black women is giving, giving, giving, giving, giving to the point that you're not feeling well, and then not receiving what you need in return to be able to feel well and whole individually. So I really think it's important to know your limitations and know your capacity and to identify what it is that you need to be well.”
Don’t Take On A Lot Of Responsibilities
Next on the list is not taking on so many responsibilities, sharing herself as an example. “The other thing is taking on too much responsibility, especially in a time of vulnerability.
“One thing that I personally struggled with was being so passionate about community mental health for Black women, and saying yes to everything and taking on so much responsibility,” she reveals. “That affected me to do well in serving Black women and then also impacting my own well being.”
Practice Self-Care
Lastly, she notes the importance of practicing self-care. “The last thing is really practicing regular self care, regular community care, so that it's embedded into your daily life. So for me, having prepared meals, going to the gym, getting eight hours of sleep, spending time with friends and family, all of those things are part of my self care that keep me at my best,” she explains.
“Then community care, leaning into social networks or social groups, or spending time with other interests or hobbies. That's a part of my community care that keeps me going, so that I can take care of my needs, but also to be able to show up best in care for others.”
Find out more about Camesha and Sista Afya Community Care at communitycare.sistaafya.com.
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