12 Traditional Christmas Items That Are Low-Key Aphrodisiacs Too
Now y'all already know, if I could find a way to make sex have a fall theme, that in the spirit of peace and goodwill, a sista had to tie in one of the most popular holidays of the year to coitus too. To tell you the truth, it really wasn't all that hard. All I did was think about some of the things that traditionally go with Christmas and, based on what I already know about aphrodisiacs, see how they lined up with encouraging sexual desire. Hmph. You might be surprised.
As far as how to make Christmas itself the kind of sex-inspired gift that keeps on giving, be on the lookout for a few tips sooner than later (I got you). For now, as you're out 'n about doing some of your holiday shopping, I'd advise that you pick up doubles when it comes to some of the items on this list—one you can use for traditional purposes; the other, you can take into your bedroom so that you can bring a whole new meaning to yuletide cheer.
1. Eggnog
Although eggnog is not my favorite drink in the world, I can be compelled to partake of a sip or two around the holidays. Almost every time I have it, there is a part of me that wonders how it became a part of Christmas cuisine. From what I've researched, it started out in early medieval Britain (they used to drink something similar called "posset"). The combo of milk, eggs and sherry symbolized good health and prosperity. Then monks began to consume it and eventually, around the 1700s, it made its way over to us.
The reason why it qualifies as being an aphrodisiac is because the ingredients that are in it—especially the eggs, honey, vanilla and nutmeg—are things that can help to boost your libido. Eggs are a fertility symbol. Honey contains boron which regulates hormone levels and nitric oxide which intensifies arousal. The smell of vanilla causes a lot of men to have faster erections, and apparently the 50 percent ethanolic extract of nutmeg increases the sex drive; mostly the sex drive of men.
So, if you've never had or liked eggnog, maybe all of this info will inspire you to give it another shot. In the spirit of Christmas—and good sex.
2. Candy Canes
I recently read a couple of articles that said the cooling sensation of peppermint soap or diluted peppermint oil (make sure to dilute the oil; it is really strong) provides the kind of cooling effect that enhances stimulation in women and can even trigger multiple orgasms. That got me to thinking that sucking on a candy cane and then performing oral sex on your partner must be the total bomb. That's why this signature Christmastime candy made the list.
Just make sure that you use peppermint more as a topical thing than anything else. Studies reveal that the menthol in mint, when it's digested by men, can lower their testosterone, not raise it. And who wants that?
3. Gingerbread Houses
How in the world is a gingerbread house an aphrodisiac? It's due to the ginger that it's made from. Aside from the fact that the calcium, magnesium, phosphorus and potassium in ginger is great for treating motion and morning sickness, menstrual cramps and migraines, on the sexual tip, ginger significantly increases blood circulation in both men and women. The more blood that's moving around in our genital regions, the hornier we tend to be. The better our orgasms end up being too. So, spend quality time making a gingerbread house with the kids and a different kind of quality time with your partner eating it once you're done.
4. Mistletoe
This one should be obvious. I mean, "Kissing under the mistletoe"—duh. But if you've ever wondered why so many of us do that, basically it's this. Mistletoe is an evergreen plant that is a symbol of peace. People started kissing underneath it during the Greek festival of Saturnalia, believing that mistletoe protected them from misfortune, along with granting them long life as well as fertility. If that's got you sold, Home Depot, Lowe's and local nurseries typically sell it.
5. Hot Chocolate
You've probably heard somewhere before that chocolate—preferably dark chocolate—is an aphrodisiac. The reason why is because the chemicals phenylethylamine and serotonin that are in it will not only improve your mood, they are considered to be sexual stimulants as well. Some health experts say that you'll get the most sexual benefits out of chocolate if you eat four ounces, on a daily basis, that is made out of 70 percent cocoa. A fun way to get some of those ounces in is to drink some hot chocolate—or to make some chocolate body paint. Or…do both.
6. Figgy Pudding
I don't think I've ever had figgy pudding before (if any of y'all have, let me know in the comments how it tastes). But I have heard a few Christmas songs that mentions it, so yeah, it makes this list too. The main reason is because figs are considered to be an aphrodisiac fruit. A lot of people think this because they like the smell and texture of fresh figs. Also, the antioxidants, flavonoids, fiber, antioxidants and potassium that are in figs are surefire libido booster. And, since figs are a symbol of love and fertility, it can't hurt to at least have a slice of some homemade figgy pudding cake, right?
7. Pine
Back when I was a Christmas-observer, something that I adored was the smell of a live Christmas tree in my home. Well, believe it or not, pine pollen is a proven aphrodisiac. Aside from the 200 nutrients that it contains, the fact that it has DHEA in it, that means that pine pollen also levels out testosterone and estrogen in our bodies. Since it can also help with muscle pain, headaches and nausea, why not keep some of it in your house?
8. Ribbons
A woman had me cracking up when she told me that while she loves to be tied up during sex, what will turn her off instantly is if a man pulls out a pair of handcuffs. "How woke can a ninja be if he thinks that with all of this police brutality going on that I want to reenact that bulls—it?" I mean and I'm sayin'.
To me, the alternative would be satin ribbons. They are definitely a Christmas tradition, they are softer and sexier than cuffs and, if you use them instead of cuffs, you won't have to worry about you or your partner being triggered. #MerryChristmas
9. Sleighs
I've been sledding before; it's fun. I've never actually been on a sleigh ride before (you know, when a horse or some reindeer are actually pull the sled), but I will definitely put it on my bucket list. Know what else is going to go on there? The sleigh ride sex position. What the heck is that? From what I've seen and read, it's a spin on reverse cowgirl. The twist is, rather than the woman doing most of the work, her partner (who is lying on his back with his knees slightly bent) helps her out by lightly lifting her pelvis up and meeting her halfway with each thrust. A sleigh ride indeed!
10. Stockings
As far as the Christmas tradition of stockings goes, from what I've read, St. Nicolas once heard about a man who was too poor to pay for his daughters' dowries so that they could marry. The man was also too proud to accept handouts, so one night, St. Nick climbed down the man's chimney and put gold coins in his daughter's stockings (hmm…).
Fast forward to 2019 and, as a male friend and I were discussing what can make a sex life go stale, something that he said was, "When women stop dressing up. It can be just as fun to take off sexy clothes as it is to have sex." When I asked him if there was a particular article of clothing that turned him on especially, he paused for a minute, smiled and then said, "Stockings."
That's cute because I once read another man describe stockings as being "jewelry for women's legs".
That's why stockings are on this list. Extra points are definitely given if they are thigh-highs (like these). Based on the tradition and what the guy shared with me, when stockings are around, all sorts of nice surprises end up…popping up.
11. Toys
Toys ain't just for children. In fact, this is how much the xoTribe is a fan of sex toys. There's the article "8 Crème De La Crème Sex Toys You Can Buy On A Budget". There's "5 Discreet Vibrators That Will Fit Into Your Carry-On". There are also "A $2K Sex Toy Gave Me The Ride (& The Orgasm) Of My Life" and "Yoni Investments: 4 Standards Your Sex Toys Should Meet". So, if you'd like to gift yourself with a toy of your own, those articles should help you out. Or, you can get ahead of the 2020 sex toy trends and treat yourself to a tongue vibrator. (Have mercy!)
12. Color Red
Red is definitely a signature hue for Christmas. As far as color psychology goes, red symbolizes love, passion, energy, sex and intensity. So, if you're trying to figure out what to get your partner, you can never go wrong with some new red lingerie or even some red satin sheets—even if they're just for Christmas Eve or Christmas night. Make it a very Merry Christmas—and to ALL a good night!
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Featured image by Shutterstock
Originally published on December 12, 2019
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Different puzzle pieces are creating bigger pictures these days. 2024 will mark a milestone on a few different levels, including the release of my third book next June (yay!).
I am also a Professional Certified Coach. My main mission for attaining that particular goal is to use my formal credentials to help people navigate through the sometimes tumultuous waters, both on and offline, when it comes to information about marriage, sex and relationships that is oftentimes misinformation (because "coach" is a word that gets thrown around a lot, oftentimes quite poorly).
I am also still super devoted to helping to bring life into this world as a doula, marriage life coaching will always be my first love (next to writing, of course), a platform that advocates for good Black men is currently in the works and my keystrokes continue to be devoted to HEALTHY over HAPPY in the areas of holistic intimacy, spiritual evolution, purpose manifestation and self-love...because maturity teaches that it's impossible to be happy all of the time when it comes to reaching goals yet healthy is a choice that can be made on a daily basis (amen?).
If you have any PERSONAL QUESTIONS (please do not contact me with any story pitches; that is an *editorial* need), feel free to reach out at missnosipho@gmail.com. A sistah will certainly do what she can. ;)
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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Do You Want To Be A Wife? Or Do You Just Want To Have A Wedding?
Even though it’s my life, sometimes I look at it and totally trip out over certain things.
For instance, even though I am aware that both Hebrew and African cultures put a lot of stock in the name of a child (because they believe it speaks to their purpose; so do I) and I know that my name is pretty much Hebrew for divine covenant, it’s still wild that in a couple of years, I will have been working with married couples for a whopping two decades — and boy, is it an honor when they will say something like, “Shellie, we’ve seen [professionally] multiple people and no one has been nearly as effective as you have been.”
Yep, me. Little ole’ never-been-married-before me. Yeah, y’all better quit letting people tell you what you’re called to do in this world. That is between you and the One who made you.
Okay, but let me stay on track. When it comes to the engaged couples specifically, who have crossed my path, something that I believe I’ve said to each and every one of them (especially the bride-to-be) is — “You better enjoy every single minute of your wedding day because you deserve a big ‘ole party for all of the work that you’re about to do.” And then I look at the woman as intensely as I can and say, “And you? Remember, you are a bride for a day. You are a wife for the rest of your life.”
Why do I emphasize that point so much? It’s because those two things are not one and the same. Hmph. Let me tell it, a huge reason why 70 percent of divorces are initiated by women, however, is because a lot of them think that it is. And so, in the effort to do my part to help make marriages last longer and cause the divorce rate to go down, I think it’s important for more women to ponder if they really want to be a wife — or if they just want to throw a big party (a wedding), go on a trip (a honeymoon) and not much more than that.
Buckle in. This one might be a bit of a ride (for some, at least).
It’s Time to Stop “Living for the Fairy Tale”
GiphyIf you’ve been reading my content for a while (and if so, thank you), it will not shock you in the least that I’ve spent many years studying the origins of things as they directly relate to marriage. I know that the engagement ring is not about love but about a jewelry company that was about to go bust. So, they came up with the slogan “A diamond is forever” and then made some serious bank from it (you can read about that here).
I know that white wedding dresses have nothing to do with purity and virtue; in fact, women in the Bible often wore lots of bright colors during their more-than-one-day wedding celebrations. Actually, white comes from Queen Victoria making it famous back in the 1840s. I also know that a lot of people were pretty obsessed with evil spirits back in the day because things like wearing a wedding veil and bridesmaids wearing the same dresses were all about hiding from said spirits. Another pretty popular wedding day tradition? Well, I’ll just let you read Insider’s “Here's the horrifying truth about why grooms carry brides across the threshold,” if you’re interested.
And as far as marriage goes, don’t even get me started on the whole “I’m living for the fairy tale” narrative that gets pushed incessantly. I’ve said in other articles before that "fairy tale" literally means “a story, usually for children, about elves, hobgoblins, dragons, fairies, or other magical creatures” and “an incredible or misleading statement, account, or belief.” Who wants to live for childish stories that are incredibly misleading? And the ones that have a character like Prince Charming in it? The Bible literally says that “charm is deceitful” (Proverbs 31:30).
Know what else the Bible says? It states that death and life are in the power of the tongue (Proverbs 18:21). So, what’s up with all of this wedding/marriage rhetoric that’s so popular and also, so… “silly” is the first word that comes to mind, “unrealistic” is the second and “unnecessary” is the third?
Why are there so many expectations, especially when it comes to the wedding day, that push folks to the point where a whopping 49 percent of couples end up going into debt right after jumping the broom — all because they wanted to live for the fairy tale and throw a big party that they basically couldn’t afford? SMDH.
It really is wild, just how much human nature tends to do things without even really knowing WHY it does it — even when it comes to marriage. And so, if you are someone who desires this type of union, be honest with yourself: what is your “why”?
When it comes to becoming a wife someday, WHY do you want to do that?
A man needing to spend three times his salary on an engagement ring, WHY?
When it comes to having a big traditional wedding, WHY is it necessary?
Marriage is a goal for you (and don’t get me wrong, marriage is a beautiful thing) — WHY is that the case?
When it comes to being married, WHY do you think it will better serve you than your single state?
Motivational speaker Eric Thomas once said, “When you find your ‘why’, you will find a way to make it happen.” And when it comes to something as big (and supposed to be lifetime lasting) as marriage, perhaps a big part of the reason WHY so many of them do not go the distance is because there aren’t enough “why” questions, on the front end, that are asked (which is why you should partake in premarital counseling before your wedding day). Oh, but there should be.
Because saying “why” you want a huge wedding is nothing more than “because I want to” or “why” you chose the man that you did is simply “I love him” — I’ve been doing this couples work thing long enough to assure you that those answers simply aren’t good enough. You need to know what it means to be a wife and why a marriage and a wedding are not the same thing…not by the longest country mile that you can imagine.
What It Means to Be a Wife
GiphyIf you’ve been reading my content for a while now, you know that I’m good for throwing some Scripture in; it’s a part of my foundation and I make no apologies for it. And so, when it comes to what it means to be a wife, the first word that’s used to define it in the Bible is “helpmate” (Genesis 2:18). A helpmate is a companion, a helper and someone who assists another individual — in this case, a husband.
While we’re here, a helper is not helping unless the help is actually needed and it’s good. Lawd, I can’t tell you how many wife clients I’ve had who have totally missed that part. So, what does “good help” look like?
- A good helper ASKS the person they are assisting what they need.
- A good helper does not try to control another person or make them do what they want.
- A good helper gets that needs can shift based on what is transpiring at any given time.
- A good helper makes things easier and less stressful.
- A good helper learns how to master good listening, effective communication, and wise timing.
And yes, in many ways, this is what it means to be a good wife. So, if you are someone who desires marriage, when it comes to what is required to be not just a wife but a GOOD WIFE, how much have you factored helping your man into the dynamic?
Not mothering him. Not bossing him around. Not trying to manipulate him into being a version of a husband that you would prefer. No, how much thought have you put into “Am I equipped to help another person be their best self? Am I ready to be supportive, encouraging, and nurturing? Was it even modeled to me, while growing up, to know what a proper helpmate looks like? Have I realized how much sacrifice goes into that type of role? Am I even selfless enough to be a consistent helper?”
I know this is probably gonna ruffle some feathers yet, you know something that I’m not big on? Women saying that their man should give them the “princess treatment.” Every time I hear that, the first thought that comes to my mind is “Fathers make their daughters princesses while men make their wives a queen” — and little girls are treated differently than grown women. And to that, Proverbs 12:4(NKJV) says, “An excellent wife is the crown of her husband, but she who causes shame is like rottenness in his bones.”
My point? There is a MATURITY that is to come from going from princess to queen. A queen does have more privileges, yet, at the same time, she also has way more responsibility. It’s not about sitting around and being catered to all day long. Queens have work to do — and it’s not always comfortable or pretty. Same thing goes for being a wife.
Y’all, I could go on and on (and on and on and on) about what it means to be a wife in a marriage. For now, I’ll just end this part of the article with, “If you’re not ready to help, each and every day of your relationship, you’re not ready to be a wife.” Plain and simple.
Weddings Are Not Marriages (and Vice Versa)
GiphySo, why do so many people jump brooms (I’m writing this with Black folks in mind first; jumping brooms is for us only), only to turn around and get divorced a few years later? Oh, I could go on and on as well about how a lot of people don’t have much integrity when it comes to the promises that they make. Listen singles, when you’re dating someone, pay very close attention to whether the person you’re seeing keeps their word — and if you do the same.
It makes absolutely no sense to keep letting someone slide when it comes to reneging now, only to act shocked when they do the same thing after saying “I do.” And while we’re here, being a man or woman of your word is a character issue. Maybe folks are not strong in character when it comes to this.
Yet another reason why folks will get all dolled up, stand before God, family, and friends, look someone straight in the eye, and promise to never leave, only to do just that, is because many people honestly don’t see past their wedding (and maybe their newlywed years). That is why you will hear so many people describe their perfect wedding day, down to the last detail, and yet, if you ask what their five-year plan for their marriage is, they have absolutely not one clue.
I mean, I get it — to a certain extent. A wedding is a big party where you get to dress to the nines, have people come to celebrate you and you get to have everything go your way — down to the font on the programs and reception napkins. Oh, but what a “trick” that can be if you think that your marriage is going to move like that, all of the time, moving forward. I liken it to The Bachelor franchise. Who wouldn’t feel like they are falling for someone when they’re able to live in a mansion with no bills, have fantasy dates that cost thousands of dollars, and a big ole’ rock that a famed jeweler donates?
Meanwhile, folks should watchUnREAL (the television series from several years back where some former producers of the franchise talk about what really happens behind the scenes) to get a reality check. To a certain extent, the same thing goes for marriage: while weddings produce this belief that marriage will be one big party where everyone focuses on you and everything goes your way, that isn’t even close to being the reality of being married.
Honestly, the real deal is 1) if you don’t want to learn how to love on a supernatural level; 2) if you don’t want your strengths to be refined and your weaknesses to be challenged; 3) if you don’t want to be held accountable in ways that you would never be if you remained single; 4) if you don’t want to compromise on a daily basis and, 5) if you don’t want to be challenged to become a truly selfless individual — marriage isn’t for you.
You’d be far better off just throwing a big ass party for yourself, just because (and no, I don’t mean marry yourself; you are already “one” with you; no need for that), and call it a day. Spare yourself and another person the heartache of divorce because…divorce is A LOT to go through.
Lawd, I can only imagine how much drama could be spared if folks simply took into their spirit that weddings ARE NOT marriages and marriages ARE NOT weddings. Weddings are a party to celebrate your union — yet your union? That requires daily energy, effort, and time. It’s not a party. It’s a relationship. BIG DIFFERENCE.
Please Don’t Get Married Until You’re Sure That You Want…BOTH
GiphyAnd this is why, whenever someone tells me that they are going to get married, I don’t immediately respond with, “Congrats! That’s awesome.” NOPE. The very first thing that comes out of my mouth is something along the lines of, “For real. Why?” WHY? Because, it never fails that, about 7.5 times outta 10, folks will be caught off guard and say, “What do you mean ‘why’?” and then follow that up with, “Because I’m in love” or…they don’t really know what to say at all.
Is being in love a good answer? I mean, it explains why you picked the person that you did; it doesn’t really explain why you are choosing to commit to them for the rest of your life, on a marital level, though. Are you getting married because you know that the two of you will make each other better people? Are you getting married because you want to raise your children in a two-parent dynamic? Are you getting married for biblical reasons like wanting to love like Christ loves his bride (the Church and the Church sent him through A LOT — Ephesians 5)?
Are you getting married because you think you’ve gone as far as you can in your evolution as an individual without the assistance of another? Are you getting married because you want to serve another person as they do the same for you (perhaps not in the same ways because you’re both different people)?
Is that asking the most? Chile, that’s not asking enough. I don’t care how much people mock marriage in the media by changing partners like they change cars or homes. I don’t care how much divorce has been normalized. I don’t care how much folks like to act like a husband is a 2.0 boyfriend (it’s not) and having a wife is a 2.0 girlfriend (it’s not) — marriage is special, sacred, and needs to be honored as such. A wedding should be seen as a happy occasion where two people publicly acknowledge what I just said…not simply a time to get a lot of attention and presents only to come home and go from heaven to hell in six months.
And honestly, that’s a bit part of the reason why I do what I do: it’s because I actually think the covenant of marriage is SO MAGNIFICENT that I want to make sure that people know, as much as possible, what they are signing up for — not an endless wedding; a very real relationship that will challenge them and mature them like nothing else ever will in this lifetime.
____
This was a lot. I already know. Still, it beats spending thousands of dollars on a wedding to stand before a chaplain only to spend thousands of more dollars several years later on a divorce lawyer and therapy while standing before a judge.
Weddings are awesome; you’ll get no argument from me there. Still, I think if I was to narrow all of this down into one statement, it would simply be this: “When it comes to marriage, if the thought of being a wife doesn’t excite you more than being a bride — wait. You’re not ready yet.”
Thank me later, sis. YOU WILL.
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