Ready for the New Moon in Sagittarius on Saturday, December 4? Ready or not, it’s coming for you. Fortunately, it promises to bring good tidings and positive blessings just in time for the holidays! This month’s New Moon features a total solar eclipse. Solar eclipses are extremely significant events that usher in new beginnings and bright new opportunities.
Inevitably, when something new begins, something old comes to an end. Whatever is outdated or that no longer holds a relevant place in your life is likely to be eclipsed out of it during this time. Whatever leaves your life now wasn’t intended to remain with you on the next stage of your journey. Let it go with grace, gratitude, and peace of mind.
The energy of an eclipse doesn’t exist only on the actual day of it. Instead look at the five days preceding and five days following the date of this eclipse for any significant messages, occurrences, or epiphanies. You may experience something as significant as moving to a new place, or something as small as a casual remark from a family member or friend that delivers a startling wake-up call to you.
As significant or as insignificant as these experiences may seem, they are likely to have a long-standing impact on the way you approach your life moving forward.
Examples of experiences that eclipses often bring are:
- News of a birth
- Marriage
- A proposal
- A new job opportunity
- The establishing of a business
- A home purchase
- A breakup
- The loss of a friend, family member, or pet
- Graduation
- Divorce
- Surgery
- Sudden epiphanies
Eclipses mark a major turning point in your life and this one is no different. The Sagittarius energy of this eclipse amplifies and expands this energy even further, providing you with the courage and boldness to go after what you need in your life at this time and the bravery and decisiveness to let go of what’s no longer relevant, despite how painful and reluctant you would normally be.
Eclipses provide the energy, drive, and reassurance for you to accomplish things you normally would avoid or be too timid to pursue. They also bring experiences that speed up decisions that the universe knows are inevitable for you - whether you choose to remain in denial about that or not!
Eclipses often bring the blatant and inescapable truth about a person, place, or situation right to your doorstep and psyche. Trust any hunches or gut feelings that you receive during this time, even if they come in the form of something as insignificant as gossip or social media posts, the messages that you receive and that resonate with you on or near an eclipse are extremely significant.
Lean into them.
The energy of the New Moon in Sagittarius is optimistic and positive. Because it features a solar eclipse, this energy will feel especially strong and hopeful. Carry or meditate with an empowering sacral chakra crystal, like Carnelian, or an intuition-strengthening crystal, like Amethyst, in order to make the most of this powerful energy.
If you are a Sagittarius or Gemini, you will be particularly affected by this eclipse. This is especially true for those born between November 30 and December 9, and between May 31 and June 9.
Here’s what you can expect for your sign amid the Total Solar Eclipse in Sagittarius:
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1. Aries
Expect new beginnings and gut instincts as it relates to the way you approach child-rearing, dating, flirtation, sexual and/or creative expression. You are likely to receive insights about your kids and potential lovers, Aries.
2. Taurus
Don’t be surprised if you receive revelations about your health or your job during this time, Taurus. Picking up a new lifestyle habit, exercise routine, or diet is favored by this eclipse.
3. Gemini
Are you looking to take things to the next level in your relationship, Gemini? You may find yourself falling in love. Expect to begin a significant new chapter in your relationships and with those closest to you.
4. Cancer
Your intuition will be at its height during this Moon phase, Cancer. Lean into any hunches or gut instincts that you experience during this time. Sexual experiences are likely to be deeply transformative under this influence. You may unexpectedly receive money and/or find yourself reflecting on mortality a bit more than usual. Take time with yourself and allow yourself to experience the full range of emotions that you are inevitably going to experience.
5. Leo
It’s time to expand those horizons, Leo! Lean into your natural-born courage and boldness. Whether you’re contemplating a trip to an exotic locale, registering for college courses, or exploring a discipline you don’t know much about, don’t be surprised if you decide to finally check something off of that bucket list this week!
6. Virgo
New job opportunities are highlighted for you during this period, Virgo! You may finally receive that job offer or promotion, otherwise, you’ll decide that the career you’re in actually isn’t the one for you after all. Check-in on a father figure of your life during this time.
7. Libra
Any revelation that you receive about a friend should be taken seriously now, Libra. If you’ve wanted to know who, when all is said and done, will have your back until the very end, you are likely to find out for sure now.
8. Scorpio
The time you spend alone, in contemplation or in meditation, will be especially valuable to you during this time, Scorpio. Take time to journal, introspect, or enjoy a spiritual bath. The insights you receive now, while alone, will be significant and potentially life-altering.
9. Sagittarius
You are in the spotlight during this eclipse, Sagittarius! You are likely to make a significant decision or to experience a strong epiphany ushering you in a brand new direction regarding the way you approach and experience your life. Any conservatism that may have hindered you from pursuing your truest dreams and deepest desires will be unveiled and released now.
10. Capricorn
Your focus will be on fine-tuning the elements of your life that make you feel valued and secure - or the complete opposite of that! Whatever is getting in the way of you being your best self at work or in relationships are likely to feel intolerable to you right now, Capricorn. This eclipse will give you the decisiveness and drive to go after what builds your confidence or to remove the aspects of your life that tear down your self-esteem.
11. Aquarius
Expect significant news and messages via text, social media, or from siblings and neighbors. Take whatever information you receive now seriously, Aquarius.
12. Pisces
Your family arrangement or living space is likely to be spruced up or changed altogether, Pisces. Home purchases, signing a new lease, a new roommate, or a new addition to your family are highlighted during this eclipse.
Here’s to bold moves and fresh new beginnings this December!
Featured image by Getty Images
RELATED
Let me start this off by saying that of course, to a certain extent, the answer is subjective because it’s mostly opinion-rather-than-fact driven. However, I personally think that sex is hella impactful, which is why I hope that my personal breakdown will at least cause you to want to think about what you do, who you do it with, and why, more than you may have in the past.
Because although, at the end of the day, the physical aspects of making love, having sex, and f-cking are very similar, you’d be amazed by how drastically different they are in other ways…at the very same time.
Making Love
GiphyBack when I wrote my first book, I wasn’t even 30 at the time and still, one of the things that I said in it is, I pretty much can’t stand the term “make love.” Way back then, I stated that sex between two people who truly love each other and are committed for the long haul, when it comes to what they do in the bedroom, it’s so much more about CELEBRATING love than MAKING it. To make means “to produce” or “to bring into existence;” to celebrate means “to commemorate,” “to perform” or “to have or participate in a party, drinking spree, or uninhibited good time.”
The act of sex, standing alone? It can’t make love happen and honestly, believing otherwise is how a lot of people find themselves getting…got.
What do I mean? Tell me how in the world, you meet a guy, talk to him for a few weeks, don’t even know his middle name or where he was born and yet somehow, you choose to call the first time you have sex with him (under those conditions) “making love.” You don’t love him. You don’t know him well enough to love him. He doesn’t love you either (for the same reason). And yet you’re making love? How sway? Oh, but let that sex be bomb and those oxytocin highs might have you tempted to think that’s what’s happening — and that is emotionally dangerous. And yes, I mean, literally.
If I’ve said it once, I’ve said it a thousand times before, that one of the reasons why I like that the Bible defines sex between a husband and his wife is by using the word “know” (Genesis 4:1) is because, well, I think that is what celebrating love is all about — we know each other well enough to know that we love each other, we know each other well enough to know that we aren’t going anywhere, and that knowing is what makes us want to celebrate that union by getting as close to one another and bringing as much physical pleasure to each other as we possibly can…as often as absolutely possible.
To me, that is what the peak of physical intimacy is all about — and the people who choose to use the term “make love,” it should be seen through this type of lens. When this type of mental and emotional bond comes together via each other’s bodies, they are amplifying love, enjoying love, embracing love.
Making it, though? Chile, the love has already been made. Sex is just the icing on the cake.
Having Sex
GiphyA few nights ago, I found myself rewatching this movie called Four of Hearts (which you can currently view on yep, you guessed it: Tubi). It’s about two married couples — one that is in an open marriage and another that isn’t although they somehow thought that sharing a night with the other couple would be a good idea (chile). Anyway, as one of the partners found themselves getting low-key sprung, the one they fell for said in one of the scenes, “It wasn’t a connection. It was just sex.” JUST. SEX.
Listen, when you decide to let a man put an entire part of his body inside of you at the risk of potentially getting an STI/STD or pregnant (because no form of birth control is 100 percent except for abstinence), it can never be “just sex” (somebody really needed to hear that too). At the same time, though, I got the character’s point because, if one or both people do not love each other or even deeply care for one another and/or sex is treated as an activity more than an act to establish a worthwhile connection and/or you and the person you are sleeping with have not really discussed what you are expecting from sex besides the act itself — you’re definitely not making/celebrating love.
Not by a long shot. What can make things get a bit complicated, though, is you’re doing the same act that “love makers” do without the same mental and emotional ties…or (sometimes) expectations.
You know, back when I decided to put all of my business out there via the piece “14 Lessons I've Learned From 14 Sex Partners,” now more than ever, I am quite clear that most of those guys fell into the “having sex” category. I wasn’t in the type of relationship with them where “making love” even made sense; however, because I was friends with most of them, we weren’t exactly f-cking (which I will get to in just a moment) either. We had a connection of some sort for the bedroom yet not enough to be together in the other rooms of the house.
We were really attracted and curious, so we decided to act on that. Oftentimes, the sex was good and so we rationalized that “having sex” was enough because if the friendship was, eh, “sound enough”, that we could justify the physical pleasure.
And y’all, that’s kind of what having sex is — it’s the limbo (or purgatory, depending on your situation) between making love and f-cking. The thing about limbo ish is it’s a lot like something being lukewarm: it’s not really one thing or another which means that it can completely blindside you, if you’re not careful (and totally honest with yourself as well as your partner(s)).
So, if you are contemplating having sex, I really — REALLY — recommend that you figure out how you feel, what you want (outside of the act itself) and if you are prepared for what “not quites” can bring. My mother used to say that the consequences of sex don’t change just because the circumstances do — and there is some solid “wow” to that, if you really stop to think about it.
GiphyAnd finally, f-ck. Although most experts on the word (and yes, there are some) agree that its origin is rooted somewhere within the German language (although some say that it might’ve come from Middle English words like fyke or fike which mean “to move about restlessly” or the Norwegian word fukka which means “to copulate”), you might have also heard that it is an acronym that once stood for “Fornication Under Consent of the King”; and there is actually some data that is connected to that as well.
Legend has it that way back in the day, in order to keep reproduction rates where a particular king wanted them to be, he would instruct his residents to have sex with each other — whether they were married or not (hence, the word “fornication” being in the acronym). However, because sex outside of marriage was taken far more seriously at the time, residents had to apply for a permit to participate so that the king could determine if things like their occupation and lineage would prove to be beneficial for the kingdom overall. F-ck: no love; just necessity. And although some believe this to be more myth than fact, what is certain is it was only over time that f-ck was seen as a profane/swear/cuss word — a word that was perceived to be so offensive, in fact, that between the years 1795-1965, it didn’t even appear in dictionaries.
Personally, when I think of this four-letter word, the first thing that actually comes to my mind is animals. Take a dog being in heat, for instance. That’s basically when a female dog is ovulating and wants to have sex the most. It’s not because they are “in love” with another dog; they are simply doing what instinctively comes to them — and since animals do not reason or feel at the same capacity that humans do, although they science says that many of them do experience pleasure when they engage in their version of sexual activity, it’s not nearly as layered or even profound as what we experience.
Let’s keep going. Another reason why f-cking makes me think of animals is due to the doggy style position. Hear me out. Ain’t it wild how, most of us pretty much know that the term comes from how dogs have sex, even though most animals have sex that same way — and think about it: Doggy style doesn’t consist of making eye contact or kissing while having intercourse. It’s “hitting from behind” without much emotional energy or effort at all. Just how animals do it. And so, yeah, f-cking does seem to be more about pure animal — or in our case, mammal — instinct. I don’t need to feel anything for someone, so long as the sexual desire is there. Hmph.
Something else that I find to be interesting about f-cking is how dictionaries choose to define it. Many of them are going to provide you with two definitions: “to have sexual intercourse with” and “to treat unfairly or harshly (usually followed by over)” and that definitely makes me think of another term — casual sex and words that define casual like apathetic, careless and without serious or definite intention. So, the dictionary says that while f-cking is about having sexual intercourse — just like making love and having sex is — it goes a step further and says that it can include being treated unfairly or harshly.
And although that can make you think of assault on the surface, for sure — sometimes being treated unfairly or harshly is simply feeling like someone had sex AT you and not really WITH you; instinct (i.e., getting off) and that’s about it. Yeah, the way this puzzle is coming together, f-cking seems to be more about lust and self and not much else.
Now That You Know the Difference, What to Keep in Mind
Y’all, this is definitely the kind of topic that I could expound on until each and every cow comes home. That said, here’s hoping that I provided enough perspective on each act to close this out by encouraging you to keep the following three things to keep in mind:
1. Before you engage in copulation, be honest with yourself about what you’re ACTUALLY doing — and that your partner agrees with you. You know, they say that our brain is our biggest sex organ and honestly, breaking down the differences between making love, having sex and f-cking helps to prove that fact. I say that because, although the sex act itself is pretty much the same across the board, you and your partner’s mindset can make the experience completely different. That said, if you think that you are making love and they think y’all are just having sex — stuff can get pretty dicey. Bottom line: communicate in the bedroom before attempting to connect outside of it. It’s always worth it when you do.
2. Yes, you can feel one way and do something else. I can just about guess what some of y’all are on: Shellie, we can love our partner and still just want to f-ck. If what you are saying is you can emotionally love someone and physically lust them and want to act sometimes on the lust without really factoring in the love — yes, I agree. Doggy style continues to be a favorite sex position for people, in general, and I’m more than confident that many of the participants polled are in a serious relationship. However, having lust-filled sex with someone who you know loves you is vastly different than doing it with someone who you have no clue what they think about you or you barely know at all. Y’all, please just make sure that you know…what you should know. Sex is too amazing to have a lot of regret after it.
3. Have realistic expectations about sex. Listen, so much of my life consists of writing and talking about sex that I will be the first one to say that it deserves a ton of props for what it is able to do, in a wonderful way, for people mentally, emotionally and physically. Yet again, I’m not a fan of “make love” because something that feels really good doesn’t always mean that it is good for you. Meaning, you’ve got to be real about what sex with someone will do to your mind and spirit — not just what it will do for your body. An author by the name of Gabriel García Márquez once said, “Sex is the consolation you have when you can't have love.” For no one, should this be a constant norm. Feel me? I hope you do.
____
One act. Three very different experiences.
It’s kind of wild that sex has the ability to create that — and yet, clearly, it does.
Please just make sure that you know which experience you’re signing up for.
So that you’re having sex (you know, in general) instead of sex having you. Real talk.
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