
I've got a few friends in my space who are documentary-aholics. Lately, they have been goin' in when it comes to watching ones that have to do with why people should totally nix meat and commit to a life of veganism for the rest of their lives. One of my friends, in particular, makes this formal proclamation every time she watches a vegan food doc. Then, about three months later, she has a steak.
I'm so used to the pattern that I tend to tease her and say, "Girl, just say that you're the ficklest 'vegan' on the planet and go." But then there are those who are so impassioned with the world of veganism that they impress me with how much time and effort they devote to researching the topic. I'm so impressed that they actually inspired me to pen this piece.
Whether you're someone who is a new vegan convert or you're simply considering going on a plant-based diet in order to detox your system, I first recommend that you check out the really insightful article "15 Ingredients That Are NOT Vegan | Non-Vegan Ingredients To Avoid" (whey, beeswax, and oleic acid are just some of the things that aren't vegan). Then, take a moment to go down the list of things you should and absolutely should not be eating while you're on your plant-based diet—or lifestyle. Because, if you're gonna do the whole meat-free thing, you might as well do it right…right?
What To Eat On & What Not To Eat A Plant-Based Diet
On a Plant-Based Diet, DO Eat: Tubers

Potatoes are plants. So, if you're someone who loves homemade sweet potato fries or white potato soup, you can indulge in either or both without too much stress. After all, potatoes are considered to be a "high healthy carb food" which means that they can provide you with the energy that you need to get through a long workday or an extensive workout.
Potatoes, in general, have lots of fiber. Also, thanks to the vitamin B6 that's in them, they are good for your heart. Sweet potatoes, specifically, contain potassium, calcium, and antioxidants. Yams (which are not the same thing as a sweet potato; you can read more about that here), contain copper and manganese, are able to ease menopause-related symptoms (which is why some menopausal women choose to apply wild yam cream) and bodily inflammation as well. So again, if you think that a plant-based diet means you have to kiss your potatoes goodbye, nothing could be further from the truth. Just watch how you prepare them; baked instead of fried is always better.
On a Plant-Based Diet, DON’T: Sugary Foods

Just because you might be foregoing meat, that doesn't mean that you should go crazy on the sugar content. Too much sugar consumption can do everything from throwing off your blood sugar levels and putting you at risk for diabetes and heart disease to damaging your immune system, promoting tooth decay, and even accelerating the aging process.
If you just read all of that and thought to yourself, "No problem. I'm not big on desserts, anyway", that's great. Just remember that juices and yogurts contain a good amount of sugar as well. If you're curious about how much sugar you should have on a daily basis, the average woman is good if it's six teaspoons or less.
A good thing to keep in mind while you're making your morning plant-based smoothie or you're putting some sugar into your hot cup of herbal tea.
On a Plant-Based Diet, DO Eat: Whole Grains

Whole oats. Whole wheat. Buckwheat. Millet. Spelt. Quinoa. These are some foods that are considered to be whole grains. The reason why they are great for a plant-based diet is because they're grass-like plants that are high in fiber, B vitamins, antioxidants, proteins and disease-preventing plant compounds like polyphenols, stanols, and sterols. Some other health benefits of whole grains are they're able to lower your risk of heart disease, stroke and type 2 diabetes. Whole grains are also able to reduce chronic inflammation and assist with healthy digestion. So, if you like having oatmeal for breakfast or snacking on popcorn, enjoy—both of those foods are totally good for you.
On a Plant-Based Diet, DON’T Eat: “Fake Meat”

I grew up Seventh-Day Adventist. There are a lot of vegetarians in that denomination. It didn't mean that a lot of folks battled less with their weight, high cholesterol, or high blood pressure, though. That's because a lot of the meat substitutes that they thought were so much better than real meat contained so much sodium, additives, and preservatives that it still put their health at risk.
I just read that Wendy's has joined in with the un-meat burger craze. Before you head over there for lunch, you might wanna read articles like "Vegan and Vegetarian Meat Substitutes Could Pose Health Risks, Researchers Warn". The things that I just said about my religious diet experience while growing up? More and more content co-signs on it.
On a Plant-Based Diet, DO Eat: Plant-Based Oils

Some people think that if they decide to go on a plant-based diet, they need to not cook with oil anymore. That's not true. The key is to go with an oil that is plant-based because it contains mono and/or polyunsaturated fats that can help to keep your heart in good condition. And just what qualifies as a plant-based oil? Olive oil. Sesame oil. Avocado oil. Almond oil. Coconut oil. Flaxseed oil. Walnut oil. Pumpkin seed oil. Peanut oil. Cocoa butter—that's just a few of 'em. All of these are oils that you can prepare your meals with. The key is to make sure to buy the kinds that are virgin or extra-virgin cold-pressed. Oil that is in that state is less refined which means you're able to get more nutrients from it which is always beneficial.
On a Plant-Based Diet, DON’T Eat: Vegan Dairy

Some say that dairy is the devil. I mean, if you make the time to do your own research on it, it's hard to find credible enough information to debate them. Dairy contains hormones, microorganisms, and pesticides. The main protein in milk known as casein can increase your cancer risk. And, while most of us were raised to believe that dairy is good for our bones and teeth, there's research that indicates that it can actually put our bones at risk too.
So, what about vegan dairy substitutes like vegan eggs and vegan cheese? While they certainly can help you bypass all of the dairy drama, most of them still fall under the category of "processed foods" which are oftentimes loaded with fat.
Still, if there is no way on this earth that you are totally going to go without a slice of pizza or some mac 'n cheese, opt to make it yourself. Also, make sure to use one of the healthier kinds of vegan cheeses. You can check out a list of some of them here.
On a Plant-Based Diet, DO Eat: Fresh Fruits

One of the best things about going on a plant-based diet is all of the fresh fruit that you can consume. Fruits are full of water and antioxidants and are oftentimes low in calories too. If you're wondering which fruits make "the healthiest list", some of those include—grapefruit, blueberries, mangoes, pomegranates, watermelon, oranges, pineapples, bing cherries, and bananas. Oh, and due to all of the vitamin E that's in them, olives are on the list too (yep, olives are a fruit!). Just make sure to get the most out of any fruit you choose by consuming them while they are actually in season.
On a Plant-Based Diet, DON’T Eat: Anything Soy-Based

When I'm not coaching couples or sitting in front of my laptop, sometimes I'm helping someone to birth a baby. As a doula, whenever a woman tells me that she would prefer to not breastfeed (if you're currently pregnant and you're on the fence, check out "101 Reasons to Breastfeed Your Child"), I make sure to say, "Then please make sure to avoid formula that contains soy."
Soy is a phytoestrogen which means that it's a plant-based kind of estrogen. Eating estrogen all of the time isn't good for children (especially male children) because it can cause their bodies to mature faster. High levels of soy can prove to be toxic in adults as well.
So yeah, please don't be out here thinking that, just because you are drinking soy milk or having a soy burger, you're dodging potential health issues up the road. This includes when it comes to soy sauce (to get a list of some healthy soy sauce substitutes, click here).
On a Plant-Based Diet, DO Eat: Fresh Veggies

It would sound real crazy for someone to say that they are going on a plant-based diet, but they had no intention of eating any veggies. Vegetables are low in fat and calories while being high in vitamins and minerals like fiber, folate, potassium, and vitamins A and C. As far as the vegetables that will do your body the most good, some of those include—spinach, broccoli, Brussels sprouts, carrots, cauliflower, peas, red cabbage, bell peppers, garlic, and collard greens. Veggies have peak seasons too. Refer to that link in the "fresh fruits" section to see which ones you should get right now.
On a Plant-Based Diet, DON’T Eat: Anything “White”

Here's the thing—foods like white pasta and white rice definitely qualify as being refined grains; this, in turn, makes them plant-based foods. But the reason why "white grains" get an aggressive thumbs down on the plant-based diet tip is because the production of them strips the grains of the nutrients and fiber that your body needs. As a result, they tend to fill you up less, resulting in you eating more—eating more calories and more empty carbs as well. That's why white bread, white flour, or even white tortillas aren't a good look. No processed food really is.
BONUS

On a Plant-Based Diet, DO Eat: Seeds
If you're someone who likes to snack throughout the day, seeds are a good option. Pumpkin seeds and sunflower seeds are great because they are full of protein and fiber. Or, if you like to cook with seeds, add some hemp, sesame, or chia seeds to your meals.
On a Plant-Based Diet, DO Eat: Spices
I don't care what kind of diet or lifestyle change that you are on, food would suck if you didn't season it well. As far as plant-based spices go, the ones you should definitely have on your rack include onion powder, garlic powder, Italian seasoning, cayenne pepper, cumin, paprika, turmeric, and pure vanilla. All delicious, all healthy, and all a big "do" when it comes to plant-based cooking. Enjoy!
Feature image by Shutterstock
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- 4. Eggplant - xoNecole: Women's Interest, Love, Wellness, Beauty ›
- Plant based diet: A guide for health and nutrition ›
- Whole Food, Plant-Based Diet Guide - Center for Nutrition Studies ›
- What is a plant-based diet? | BBC Good Food ›
- The right plant-based diet for you - Harvard Health ›
- 55 Plant-Based Recipes Worth Trying (Even if You Eat Meat!) | Taste ... ›
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- Beginner's Guide to a Plant-Based Diet: Food List, Meal Plan ... ›
- Whole-Foods, Plant-Based Diet: A Detailed Beginner's Guide ›
- Beginner's Guide to a Plant-Based Diet | Forks Over Knives ›
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This Is How To Keep 'Holiday Season Stress' From Infecting Your Relationship
Hmph. Maybe it’s just me, but it seems like there is something really weird happening in the fall season air (because winter doesn’t officially begin until December 21) that cuddle season is in full swing while break-up season is as well. In fact, did you know that break-ups are so popular during the holiday season that December 11 is deemed Break-Up Day?
The reasons why relationships shift around this time vary; however, I did both roll my eyes and chuckle when I read that a very popular one is because it’s an easy way to get out of getting one’s significant other a Christmas present. SMDH.
Anyway, I personally think that the less shallow folks out here may contemplate calling things “quits” or they at least distance themselves a bit from their partner (and what I’m referring to is serious relationships) due to all of the stress and strain that oftentimes comes with the holidays whether it be financial, familial, due to their tight schedules or something else.
Listen, I would hate for you and your man to miss the fun and happiness of experiencing this time of year, all because you are so overwhelmed or irritated that you can’t really enjoy it. That’s why I have a few practical tips for how to avoid allowing the typical holiday season stress from INFECTING your relationship.
Manage Your Expectations
GiphyUnmanaged expectations. If there is a main reason why the holiday season tends to be so stress-filled for so many people, I’d bet good money that this is the cause. And when you’re in a long-term relationship, expectations can manifest themselves in all sorts of cryptic and/or unexpected ways. You might have relatives who assume that you are going to be with them for Thanksgiving or Christmas when you have other plans in mind. You might be thinking that you are going to spend one amount for presents while your man is thinking something totally different. When it comes to scheduling, your signals may be crossed.
And you know what? To all of these scenarios, this is where clear and consistent communication come in. Don’t assume anything. Don’t dictate anything either. From now until New Year’s, mutually decide to check in once a week, just to make sure that you are both on the same page as it relates to the holidays and what you both are thinking will come along with it. The less blindsided you both feel, the less stressed out you will be. Trust me on this.
Set (and Keep) a Budget
GiphyOkay, so I read that last year, 36 percent of Americans incurred some type of holiday-related debt. Hmph. Last year, there was still some sense of normalcy in this country, chile, so I can only imagine what finances are gonna look like over the next several weeks. That said, since I don’t know a lot of people who don’t find being broke stressful, make sure that you and your bae set a budget and then stick to it this year — no ifs, ands or buts.
Because really, y’all — it doesn’t make sense to deplete savings and/or max out credit cards for a few days of giggles only to be damn near losing your mind because you don’t know how to make ends meet come Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. Day.
And by the way, this tip doesn’t just speak to things like food and gifts; I also mean travel. If it doesn’t make a ton of sense (or cents) to be all over the place this year — DON’T BE.
Keep Matthew 5:37 at the Forefront
GiphyIf off the top of your head, you don’t know what Matthew 5:37 says, no worries, here ya go: “But let your ‘Yes’ be ‘Yes,’ and your ‘No,’ ‘No.’ For whatever is more than these is from the evil one.” That verse right there? Oh, it’s a boundaries lifesaver! I say that because do you see “maybe” or “I’ll think about it” in there? Nope. LOL. It says that you should tell people “yes” or “no” and leave it at that — and that complements Anne Lamott’s quote, “’No’ is a complete sentence” impeccably well. Yeah, you’ve got to remember that anything beyond a yes or no to a request is privileged information; you don’t owe anyone details or an explanation.
Besides, if you are really honest with yourself, when someone asks you something and you give a “Umm, let me think about it” kind of reply, more times than not, you already know what your answer is going to be — so why not let you both off of the hook? Give your response. Commit to that. And let everyone (including yourself) get on with their lives and schedules.
I promise you that when it comes to those holiday parties, you are pissing more folks off by not RSVP’ing or doing so and not showing up than just saying, “Thank you but not this year” off the rip.
Remember That Your Personal Space Is Privilege Not a Right
GiphyA friend of mine recently bought a new house and invited me over to come see it. He’s a single man with no children, so as I was taking in all of the space that he had, especially as I walked through his finished basement, I joked about relatives coming to live with him. “Hell no” and “absolutely not” were pretty much his immediate responses as he went on to say that some folks even had the nerve to be offended when he told them that he had no intentions on taking DNA in.
Ain’t it wild how people think that your stuff is their right? And yes, that brings me to my next point. Your home is your sanctuary space. If you want to host folks this year — cool. If not, ALSO COOL. Please don’t let folks (family included) guilt you into how they want you to act or even into what they would do if the shoe was on the other foot. You are not them — and as one of my favorite quotes states, “If two people were exactly alike, one of them would be unnecessary.” (A man by the name Larry Dixon said that.)
Hell, my friends? They know that I am good for sending them random things that they need or even want all throughout the year. Coming over to hang out at my pace, though. Uh-uh. Chalk it up to being a card-carrying member of the ambivert club yet I like keeping my living space personal — and I sleep like a baby, each and every night, for feeling that way.
Always remember that your space, your time, your resources, your energy and shoot, yourself period (including your relationship), are all things that are your own. You get to choose how, when and why you want to share them. The holiday season is certainly no exception.
Cultivate Some “You Two Only” Traditions
GiphyIt’s not uncommon for some couples to hit me up after the holiday season to “detox.” Sometimes it’s due to the financial drama (and sometimes trauma) that they experienced. Sometimes it’s because they allowed their relatives (especially in-laws) to get more into their personal business than they should’ve. More than anything, though, it tends to be because they didn’t get enough quality time together and so ended up feeling “disconnected.”
Please don’t let that happen. Listen, I’m not even a holidays kind of woman and yet, I will absolutely sit myself down with some hot chocolate and chocolate chip cookies to enjoy a Hallmark holiday film or two. Aside from the fact that most of them are lighthearted and sweet, I also like that they usually focus on couples loving on each other amidst all of the holiday beauty and ambiance — which is something that all couples should set aside some time to do.
Maybe it’s a vacation. Maybe it’s a staycation. Or maybe it’s my personal favorite, A SEXCATION. Whether it’s for a few days, the weekend or even overnight — don’t you let the holidays go by without setting aside time for you and your man to celebrate one another. Don’t you dare (check out “Are You Ready To Have Some Very Merry 'Christmas Sex'?”).
GET. SOME. REST.
GiphyI once read that 8 out of 10 people get stressed out over the holidays and 3 out of 10 lose sleep during to it — and when you’re stress-filled and sleep-deprived, that can absolutely lead to hypersensitivity, making mountains out of molehills and even not being in the mood for sex.
Your relationship can’t afford to go through any of this, so definitely make sure to prioritize rest. I don’t care how unrealistic it might seem during this time, sleep should never be seen as a luxury; it will always and forever be a great necessity.
That said, try to get no less than six hours of shut-eye in (check out “6 Fascinating Ways Sex And Sleep Definitely Go Hand In Hand”) and even ask your bae to take a nap with you sometimes (check out “Wanna Have Some Next-Level Sex? Take A Nap, Sis.”). Not only will sleep help to restore your mind, body and spirit but, when it’s with your partner, it’s an act of intimacy that can make you both feel super connected, even in the midst of what might feel like chaos.
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Holiday season stress is real. Still, never give it the permission or power to throw your relationship off. Put you and your man first and let the holidays be what they are gonna be, chile.
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“Late” is an interesting word. I say that because, based on the situation, being late can actually be subjective.
For instance, if you agree to show up somewhere at 11:30 a.m. and you pop in at 11:45 a.m., you are absolutely late. No wiggle room there. Yet when it comes to something like an apology? I mean, when you factor in a definition for late like “occurring, coming, or being after the usual or proper time” — how do you determine when the proper time should be? Is it supposed to be when you want to hear it, or when someone is ready to offer it and actually means the words behind it?
And that is why I decided to put emphasis on the word “late” for today’s topic. Because if you and someone break up and they approach you, well after the fact, with an “I’m sorry,” if you struggle with whether or not to accept it due to the timing of it all, you should definitely ponder that a bit.
And as you’re doing so, it might help to read a bit deeper into what an apology should look and live like, even from an ex, regardless of when it shows up.
Your “late.” Or his right on time.
Three Things That a True Apology Consists Of
GiphyIt’s kind of wild that when you work as a therapist/counselor/coach, a lot of people never really see you as human — and this can include your close relationships. What I mean by that is, it’s almost like they expect you to be free on-call therapy to the point where they “forget” to actually check on you sometimes.
Such is the case with one of my longest-running friendships. Even during the weeks between losing my mother and losing $4K (SMDH), she would just keep calling me to vent about her marriage. I finally got so fed up that I brought it to her attention that for the past couple of years, that is exactly what our friendship has been like: her venting, me listening without her being very invested in my life at all. In response, she texted me an apology — and boy, was it beautiful.
I’m not going to share the details of what she said; however, I am going to tell you three things that it consisted of because it’s what I believe ALL APOLOGIES should entail.
1. She took full ownership for what she believed that she did. I framed this point in this way because, something that everyone needs to forever keep in mind is the fact that two people start and, to a large extent, end relationships — and what I mean by that is, it’s never like one person was perfect and the other was the villain. That said, though, when someone is making an apology to another individual, they are going to own their part and articulate what that part is. It’s not gonna be a simple “My bad.”
It’s going to be “I am really sorry that I wasn’t there for you when you needed me” or “I apologize for taking you for granted” — something that sounds like they get the “offense” that transpired. By doing this, they recognize their missteps — and that is what puts people on the road to not repeating them.
2. She did not deflect or gaslight me. You know what one of the worst apologies are: It’s when someone says they are sorry and then follows it up with, “But you do it too” or “If you hadn’t done ‘A’, I wouldn’t have done ‘B.'” Justifying your actions is a surefire way to make someone believe that you don’t really think that you did something wrong (or that bad) in the first place. And really, how can they trust you (again) if that is how you feel? Oh, and don’t get me on gaslighting.
Ugh, ain’t nothing like someone claiming that they want to set things right with you, only to act like they don’t really get where you are coming from with the issues y’all were having in the first place. A good gaslight line in an apology: “If that is what you think happened, I apologize.” Yeah, you can keep that, jack. Never accept this kind of apology — because it isn’t one.
3. She addressed why she needed to make the apology in the first place. Wanna know one of the main reasons why I don’t trust people who don’t believe in having regrets (check out “Why Regret Might Not Always Be A Bad Thing”)? Did you know that apology means “a written or spoken expression of one's regret, remorse, or sorrow for having insulted, failed, injured, or wronged another.” How, as a human, do you think that you are out here not making any mistakes or poor decisions that you sometimes need to APOLOGIZE for? That is just…insane.
And one of the reasons why apologies are important is because if you feel bad about “failing” someone, it’s usually because you value them enough to want to keep them around. And yes, in my friend’s apology, she also explained why she didn’t want me to feel hurt in the way that she had hurt my feelings and what she would do to prevent that from happening in the first place.
So y’all, with all of this out of the way, before getting deeper into this topic? If an ex is hitting you up to apologize to you for something, please make sure that he hits all three marks of a true apology.
Now let’s keep going.
A Genuine Apology Should Also Include an Amends
GiphyA few years ago, I wrote an article for the platform entitled, “Heads Up: It's NOT An Apology If An Amends Isn't Made.” You know how I mentioned a second ago that a solid apology has no gaslighting in it? Hmph. Ain’t it wild how someone can do something that hurts or harms you and yet, they want you to just “hurry up and get over it”? GASLIGHTING.
Someone in my family, after unpacking years of abuse that I experienced at their hand, they had the nerve to say, “I’m not going to keep apologizing to you for this.” Hmm…Okay. So, how about you let me give you a consistent three months’ worth of the years of mistreatment that I experienced from you and then flippantly throw an apology your way. Let’s see how you feel about it. How much you believe that I am being genuine and sincere.
Listen — and please hear me GOOD on this: when someone really gets the magnitude of the pain or discomfort and inconvenience that they caused, they aren’t going to be fine with just saying that they are sorry for it; they are going to ask you what they can do to set things right.
It’s actually a part of the reason why I named the four children who I aborted (check out “Why I Named The Children I Aborted”) because I do have some real remorse for those decisions. Each of their names have an intentional meaning and I strive to leave out their purpose, through those names, on a daily basis. It’s a small way of making amends.
You know, back when my first book came out, my first love reached out, via email, to send me an apology. The apology hit most of the points that I mentioned earlier. Looking back, there wasn’t an offer to make an amends, though, and trust me, there was A LOT to make up for.
At the end of the day, amends means “reparation or compensation for a loss, damage, or injury of any kind; recompense” and while none of us should use bitterness, resentment or emotional stagnation as the “bar” for which we should expect amends to be made, if you’re trying to figure out just how sincere an ex is with their apology, if they want to do something to make things better, that’s a good sign.
There is a caveat, though.
Discern the Motives. Always.
GiphyEarlier this summer, I wrote an article for the platform entitled, “What's Your Motive For Sex? (It Reveals A Lot. Trust Me.)” Then, a few weeks ago, I wrote another article entitled, “As Cuffing Season Steadily Approaches, What The Heck Is 'Winter Coating'?” and boy, when I tell you that both of these complement this point really well? Goodness.
If you’ve never heard of the dating trend known as winter coating before, it’s basically when an ex creeps back up around cuffing season — and if you know what cuffing season is all about, you can absolutely connect the very probable motives behind those dots.
Now can there be exceptions? There are ALWAYS exceptions. Still, if you haven’t heard from your ex in years and here he comes a couple of weeks before Christmas, unless the two of you got together or broke up around the holidays, stay on potential “winter coating alert,” because it might not be about “building bridges” so much as getting into your bedroom.
That said, if it’s been a minute (six months or more) since you’ve heard from an ex and he suddenly reaches out to apologize, absolutely take out a moment to discern the motive — and shoot, feel fine with even asking what is causing him to make the move…now. If it’s in the spirit of the holidays and wanting to go into a new year with a clean slate, got it. If it’s because he’s been in therapy and realizes that he didn’t end certain things in his past very well, understood. If it’s because he didn’t like how the two of you broke up and he wants to try and make peace, that’s fair.
On the other hand, if you sense that he wants to rekindle something (check out “Nelly And Ashanti Are Giving It Another Shot? Here's What You Should Know About 'Ex Reconciliation'” and “I'm Thrilled That Ryan Destiny & Keith Powers Are Back Together. 5 Things Before Reuniting With Your Ex, Tho.” and “What Happens When 'The One Who Got Away'...Comes Back?”) — although that’s kind of another article for another time, do check that motive.
When someone apologizes, you should really be the only focus for them; not what they can get out of it on the back end. Listen, even if he hopes to get back with you (or back in bed with you), that shouldn’t be something that is discussed during the apology. If it is said or even implied, something about HIS MOTIVE is disingenuous. And if that is indeed the case, to a valid extent, so is he.
We All Should Give the Grace and Mercy That We Desire
GiphySooner than later, I’m going to write an article about forgiveness (beyond what I already have here). For now I’ll just say that if you are someone who thinks that other people don’t deserve forgiveness? That is either your pain or your ego talking and, either way, you can’t trust “their” judgment.
All of us mess up sometimes and if you are a karma (or you reap what you sow) believer, then you absolutely should want to extend others grace and mercy so that you can receive it in your own time of need (and you are absolutely delusional if you think a time won’t come, sooner than you probably think, that you will need it).
Besides, do you know all of the self-inflicted drama and trauma that comes from NOT forgiving others: higher blood pressure, insomnia, stress, anxiety, the higher risk of a heart attack, a weakened immunity, a greater risk for depression and anxiety — whatever he did, is it really worth all of this? Yeah, while a lot of people think that weaponizing forgiveness is empowering, really all it’s doing is putting themselves in harm’s way. Physically. Emotionally. SPIRITUALLY: “For if you forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses." (Matthew 6:14-15 — NKJV)
By the way, no one is saying that forgiving that man means that you have to allow him back into your life. After all, access is a privilege. Yet if he comes to you and acknowledges that he feels sorry for some things, for the sake of your own sanity, why not let him express it? Don’t wanna meet up or talk on the phone? Understood. Email and/or text are there for the taking. Don’t want to go back and forth? Who said that it needs to be a discussion or a debate?
All I know is, the more time you spend on this planet, the more you want to put out the energy that you want to come back. Forgiving others tends to make life easier. Not forgiving? Oh, the way that it boomerangs, sometimes in ways you never saw coming, chile. Dodge that kind of experience (and typically hard life lesson) if you can.
Yes, Better Late than Never
GiphyToo late to apologize. Yeah, I don’t really know if there is such a thing (because forgiving and reconciling are not one in the same and some of y’all will catch that later). I’ll wrap this up with a story to prove my point.
Once upon a time, I knew a woman who was in a serious relationship and yet, whenever her boyfriend would bring up the possibility of marriage, she would stall him out. When I finally asked her what her deal was, she explained that she still harbored so much pain from the man before him that she didn’t fully trust that he was the real deal. About five months later, here came her ex with a thorough explanation for why he made some of the decisions that he did while they were together. Now that she had the full story, she was able to heal. She got married to her boyfriend that following year.
You see where I am going with this? Although your ex’s apology might be “late” as far as y’all’s relationship timeline, the timing may be BRILLIANT when it comes to true when and why you actually need it. Yeah, a Scripture that I adore is “Timing is the Father’s business” (Acts 1:7 — Message) and sometimes those apologies, in the grand scheme of things, are more on time than you could ever imagine; they’re when God deems you need them not when you want to have them.
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It is Oprah Winfrey who once said, “True forgiveness is when you can say, "Thank you for that experience” and sis, if you remove the bitterness and anger and look deeper, there were valuable lessons, even in and from the most challenging relationships. And that is worth appreciating through forgiveness and, if need be, full and complete release.
Bottom line, should you accept an ex’s late apology? Absolutely.
What better way to illuminate your present on a whole ‘nother level.
Just as forgiveness always does.
TRUST ME.
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