Yeah. I'm not sure if this is gonna be your favorite read of all time, but what I can assure you is it can help to elevate your health if you take what I'm about to share to heart. The reality is, a lot of us spend a ton of time consuming foods that, while they may not top of the list of the worst foods on the planet, they aren't really the best things for our systems either.
Today, I'm going to share 15 'of em. Even if you decide to keep adding them to your grocery list, my hope is that you'll at least do so a little less. You ready?
1. Bottled Smoothies
Canned fruit. Cantaloupe. Watermelon. Nectarines. Fruit that doesn't have any pulp in them. Guess what all of these fruits have in common—they are low in fiber and oftentimes are "filler fruits" when it comes to the bottled smoothies that you often see at your local grocery store. Aside from that, ready-made bottles smoothies are oftentimes also packed with sugar (that raises your blood sugar) and preservatives (which can weaken heart tissues and oftentimes contain cancer-causing additives). So, if you're a fan of smoothies in the morning, your best bet would be to wake up 20 minutes earlier and make one yourself. That way, you'll know exactly what is going into them.
2. Energy Drinks
I know a guy who is a body builder and a most-of-the-time vegetarian. But man, pretty much every time that I see him, he's got an energy drink in his hand. That's so not good because they contain a ton of caffeine and sugar. That makes them the ultimate stimulant, yes, but they can also significantly increase your heart rate, trigger feelings of anxiety and make it really hard to either go to sleep or stay asleep at night. If energy is something that you struggle with, adding Vitamin B12 to your daily regimen and eating foods like bananas, apples, sweet potatoes, salmon and brown rice are much healthier ways to get what you're looking for.
3. Wheat Bread
Bread is a carb and it's pretty common for carbs to consist of sugar and refined white flour. If you eat too much of them, you have the potential of triggering heart disease, diabetes and definitely obesity. Does this mean you can never enjoy a sandwich? No. Moderation is key. But do make sure that if wheat bread is your thing that you settle for nothing less than the brands that list 100 percent whole wheat bread as the first ingredient on its label. That way, you'll know you're not consuming empty calories only.
4. Fettuccine Alfredo
I already know that some of y'all are rolling your eyes at this one. The thing to keep in mind is that alfredo sauce has tons of cream and butter in it. Then when you throw the "fun carb" known as pasta into the mix—well, you're almost begging to have cholesterol issues at some point.
An alternative is to make your own sauce (you can check out a recipe that doesn't have cream cheese in it here) or you can swap out pasta noodles for zucchini ones. I've done it before and zucchini noodles are absolutely delicious (you can check out a recipe here)!
5. Cheesecake
Definitely one of my favorite desserts to make and eat is cheesecake. Not that non-bake kind either. I'm talking about the kind where the ingredients have to go into a springform pan and bake in the oven for a while (whew!). Yeah, cheesecake is great. It still makes this list, though. Between the cream cheese and sugar, there is plenty of sodium and fat to go around which can easily equate to somewhere between 400-800 calories a slice. If you've got a random taste for one, maybe just crumble up a graham cracker and put some cheesecake-flavored yogurt on top. It's nowhere near the real thing, but it should take a bit of the edge off.
6. Splenda (and Other Artificial Sweeteners)
Yes, artificial sweeteners contain less calories than sugar, but it can be at a pretty high price. Things like aspartame, saccharin, sucralose (which Splenda has a good amount of) and sugar alcohol can trigger headaches, digestive problems and food cravings. Unfortunately, long-term use of artificial sweeteners is linked to cancer too. So, if you want to sweeten your food without the use of sugar, some alternatives to consider include honey, coconut sugar, monk fruit extracts, date paste and molasses.
7. Chinese Food
Who doesn't like Chinese food? I mean, really. The main issue with it is that the sodium levels of most signature dishes is totally off of the charts! For instance, I once read that a plate of stir-fried greens has a whopping 900 calories and well over 2,000 grams of sodium (geeze). Too much sodium can lead to hypertension, and since heart disease, strokes and hypertension are some of the top 10 leading causes of death for us, well…you can see why ordering Chinese needs to be done more sparingly than most of us typically do it (and why you might want to purchase a wok and make some stir fry at home).
8. Refried Beans
Ain't nothin' like some refried beans and rice, right? While beans are pretty good for you (they are loaded with protein, iron, potassium, magnesium and fiber), when you bring lard into the mix, that makes a lot of that close to being irrelevant. Lard is loaded with saturated fat and too much of that can lead to heart disease, high cholesterol and diabetes. If you must, make your own refried beans (there's a delicious black bean recipe here) or look for the low-sodium vegetarian kind. It's better for you and, when you season it right, it almost tastes the same.
9. Meatloaf
Homemade meatloaf is a staple in a lot of homes, but between the beef, breadcrumbs and salt, it's another kind of food that can wreak absolute havoc if you don't eat it in moderation. Beef is high in saturated and trans fat. Breadcrumbs contain off-the-chart levels of corn syrup and sodium. And salt is loaded with sodium.
One way to get around all of this (at least a little bit) is to substitute the beef for turkey. Turkey is significantly learner than beef is. Oh, and crushed oats or crackers is a cool alternative for breadcrumbs (the oats more than the crackers, by the way).
10. Mayonnaise
Personally, I'm not the biggest fan of mayonnaise, so it's no hair off of my back here. But if you adore it with every fiber of your being, there are a few things you should know. One, mayonnaise is chock-full of sugar, sodium and preservatives. Two, a lot of nutritionists consider it to be the unhealthiest condiment there is. Three, have you ever wondered why, even though mayonnaise has eggs in it, the eggs never separate in its container? Eww. You'd be much better off making some of your own with the help of Greek yogurt, Dijon mustard and white vinegar. If you want to learn how, check out this recipe here.
11. Protein Bars
Are you in a rush and you want to grab something to snack on real quick? Got it. Just make sure that it's not a protein bar. Why is a protein bar not the best solution? Let me count the ways. It's got sugar. It's got preservatives. Many of them have the artificial color of caramel. It's pretty common for protein bars to have polysorbate 60 (an emulsifier that can produce all kinds of toxic compounds in your system) too. Not to mention that brands like the Nutramino Coconut Protein Bar is equal to the caloric count of a freakin' Big Mac (what in the world?!). So, are all protein bars created equal? Eh. Not totally. The key is to make sure that sugar isn't the first ingredient on the label, there are more than 10 grams of protein listed and, there are no sugar alcohols in them like xylitol, sorbitol, isomalt and glycerol; all of those are considered to be artificial sweeteners, and we already discussed why those are absolute no-nos when it comes to your health.
12. Applesauce
This one probably seems blasphemous, right? Here's the deal—a lot of applesauce has high fructose corn syrup in it. If you don't know why that's not a good thing, high fructose corn syrup is an artificial sweetener, made from corn syrup that 1) puts way too much sugar into your system, 2) increases your risk of being diagnosed with fatty liver disease, and 3) is linked to diabetes, heart disease and cancer.
So, are there any healthy applesauce brands out in the world? A few. Epicurious did us all a solid and published "The Best Applesauce You Can Buy at the Store" that features 28 different kinds for your perusing pleasure. Or again, you can always go the DIY route (there's a recipe for that here).
13. Taco Bowl
Meat. Rice. Sour cream. A fried tortilla. Other stuff. All of this explains why taco bowls (no matter how delicious they may be) are loaded with calories, sodium and fat. If you want to take the health risks down a notch, either have the meat without the fried tortilla (consider an unfried one instead) or go without the meat. Either way, this is something that you definitely shouldn't have 2-3 days a week on your lunch break. So, when you order (or make) one, just remember to act like it's a treat rather than a staple.
14. Instant Oatmeal
If you first looked at this one and said to yourself, "I thought that oatmeal was good for me", you'd be right. Oatmeal is a gluten-free grain that has all kinds of vitamins, minerals and fiber in it. Oatmeal is also dope because it can lower your cholesterol levels and help to keep heart disease at bay. The problem with instant oatmeal is 1) it's got preservatives in it and 2) it usually contains hydrogenated soybean oil too. What's wrong with that type of oil? For one thing, it has trans fatty acids that can increase your risk of atherosclerosis and coronary heart disease. Also, soybeans contain phytoestrogens (a plant-based form of estrogen). Too much of that can throw your hormone levels all the way off. Yeah, make your own oatmeal instead.
15. Bottled Water
Thankfully, bottled water is more regulated by the FDA than it used to be. Still, something that many bottled water brands contain is BPA (Bisphenol-A). The problem with BPA is it can disrupt your hormones in a way that can cause all sorts of drama. It can alter your hormones, increase the risk of cancer and have possible effects on the brain, especially when it comes to young children. In order to avoid all of this, it's probably best to put a filter on your faucet and purchase a BPA-free bottle to put the water in. That way, you can drink up with absolutely no worries. Enjoy!
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While speaking to xoNecole, Eva shares that she’s a lot like the beloved 1994 character in many ways. “Lyric is so me. She's the odd flower. A flower nonetheless, but definitely not a peony,” she tells us.
“She's not the average flower you see presented, and so she reminds me of myself. I'm a sunflower, beautiful, but different. And what I loved about her character then, and even more so now, is that she was very sure of herself.
"Sure of what she wanted in life and okay to sacrifice her moments right now, to get what she knew she deserved later. And that is me. I'm not an instant gratification kind of a person. I am a long game. I'm not a sprinter, I'm a marathon.
America first fell in love with Eva when she graced our screens on cycle 3 of America’s Next Top Model in 2004, which she emerged as the winner. Since then, she's ventured into different avenues, from acting on various TV series like House of Payne to starring on Real Housewives of Atlanta.
Je-Caryous Johnson Entertainment
Eva praises her castmates and the play’s producer, Je’Caryous for her positive experience. “You know what? Je’Caryous fuels my audacity car daily, ‘cause I consider myself an extremely audacious woman, and I believe in what I know, even if no one else knows it, because God gave it to me. So I know what I know. That is who Je’Caryous is.”
But the mom of three isn’t the only one in the family who enjoys acting. Eva reveals her daughter Marley has also caught the acting bug.
“It is the most adorable thing you can ever see. She’s got a part in her school play. She's in her chorus, and she loves it,” she says. “I don't know if she loves it, because it's like, mommy does it, so maybe I should do it, but there is something about her.”
Overall, Eva hopes that her contribution to the role and the play as a whole serves as motivation for others to reach for the stars.
“I want them to walk out with hope. I want them to re-vision their dreams. Whatever they were. Whatever they are. To re-see them and then have that thing inside of them say, ‘You know what? I'm going to do that. Whatever dream you put on the back burner, go pick it up.
"Whatever dream you've accomplished, make a new dream, but continue to reach for the stars. Continue to reach for what is beyond what people say we can do, especially as [a] Black collective but especially as Black women. When it comes to us and who we are and what we accept and what we're worth, it's not about having seen it before. It's about knowing that I deserve it.”
This interview has been edited for length and clarity.
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Thinking about them kinda-sorta inspired this piece because they caused me to reflect on the times when some of my clients have come to me, semi-freaking out, and it was because their thoughts about someone had gone beyond “Hey, she’s pretty” or “Hey, he looks good.” Instead, they were starting to fantasize about certain folks, and they weren’t sure what to do about it, especially when some of those fantasies were transpiring while they were engaging in sex with someone else.
You know, it’s been reported that somewhere around 50 percent of people do indeed have fantasies about other people while having sex with another person. And that is definitely a high enough number to tackle some things about the topic here.
If you’re someone who fantasizes about other individuals, especially sexually, here’s some intel into why that could be the case, along with when it gets to the point and place where you might want to consider actually doing something about it.
What’s a Fantasy and What Exactly Causes Them?
GiphyWhenever you think of the word “fantasy,” what immediately comes to your mind?
Personally, what I find to be interesting is the fact that the dictionary says that there are actually a lot of things that can be considered a fantasy: your imagination, hallucinations, visions, ingenious inventions, illusions — I mean, there is even a genre of fiction that falls into the fantasy category. However, when it comes to what we’re going to discuss today, a psychological term for fantasy is “an imagined or conjured up sequence fulfilling a psychological need; daydream.”
And yes, before we get to the end of all of this, that definition is going to answer quite a few questions as it pertains to the topic of this particular piece. But first, more about the origin story of fantasies.
Apparently famed neurologist, Sigmund Freud spent some time analyzing fantasies and came to the conclusion that, more than anything else, a fantasy represents something that is either a suppressed urge or desire and when you stop to think about what you imagine, what your visions are, what you may long to invent — that certainly tracks. However, something that you should also keep in mind about fantasies is that, oftentimes, they are rooted in few boundaries and can even go well beyond what is considered to be reality (which is something that is based on facts and truth).
Oh, something else that needs to be kept in mind about fantasies is that they are typically relied on as a mental form of escape from something or someone (bookmark that).
And now that fantasies are more clearly defined, if your immediate question is, “Is it wrong to fantasize?” — no, I certainly don’t think that. What I do believe, based on what a fantasy is, though, is if you are fantasizing a lot about a particular person, place, thing or idea, it would be a good idea to ponder why that is the case — why is that a suppressed desire for you, why are you using that as a mental escape and perhaps, the most important question of all, does your fantasy come with any limits?
Now let’s build on top of this…
Now What Causes Folks to Fantasize About Other People?
GiphyAs I was doing more research on the topic of fantasies, I came across an article entitled, “What Happens In Our Brains When We Fantasize About Someone.” The author of it started the piece out by talking about a cool connection that she made with someone on a plane, only for her to find herself fantasizing about him once they parted ways. As she went deeper into her story, she mentioned a word that definitely needs to be shared here: heuristics.
If you’re not familiar with it, heuristics is simply a mental shortcut. For instance, if you find yourself needing to make a quick decision (check out “Before You Make A Life-Altering Decision, Read This.”), you may rely on heuristics to do it (even if it’s subconsciously). The challenge with that is oftentimes heuristics will only provide you with a limited amount of data and information, and relying only on that could cause you to not make the best choice, if you’re not careful. And boy, when heuristics jump into your fantasy space — well, something that immediately comes to my mind is celebrity culture.
Ain’t it wild how people will be on social media, speaking so confidently, about someone—or someone’s relationship—as if they personally know them (when they absolutely don’t)? I mean, just because someone is attractive or you’ve seen them carry themselves well in an interview or two, that doesn’t automatically mean that they are the ideal person or that they are someone to set your own dating standards by. If you’re not careful, though, heuristics and fantasies may encourage you to think otherwise.
That’s because the combo will try and get your brain to jump to all sorts of conclusions and, if you don’t keep that in check, it could result in you making premature, counterproductive, or even straight-up reckless decisions — because remember, a fantasy tends to be about suppressing an urge or desire.
Honestly, whether you are in a relationship or not, if you are fantasizing about a particular individual, understanding why you are doing that should definitely be explored.
However, if you are with someone and you’re fantasizing about someone else, you really shouldn’t ignore what is transpiring because, although by definition, there’s a good chance that whatever and whomever you are fantasizing about will never come to pass, the fact that it’s taking up some of your mental and emotional space, that needs to be acknowledged. Because if there is something that you want or need, and you seem to believe that your fantasies are better at supplying that for you than the reality of your relationship, why is that?
Let’s keep going…
What Does (or Could) It Mean If You Fantasize About Someone Else During Sex?
GiphyIt’s pretty common that a random song will come to mind whenever I’m writing an article. Today? It was Guy’s “My Fantasy.” Then a sitcom did — King of Queens, and the episode when Doug and Carrie were talking about his sexual fantasies. The song is about images that the fellas randomly have about beautiful women. The episode was about Carrie wanting to dictate to Doug what and whom he could fantasize about because some of his sexual fantasies made her feel uncomfortable or intimidated.
And both of these are a pretty solid intro into whether there is something wrong with sexually fantasizing about someone, especially while having sex with someone else. Well, before getting into all of that, I think another article that I read on the topic brings up a pretty good point — that it’s important to think about where your fantasies are coming from: your imagination, things you see on social media, porn that you may have watched, people who you actually know…and if it’s the latter, is it someone from your past or someone from your present?
Yeah, knowing the source of your fantasies can definitely help you to understand how “deep” into your fantasies you might be.
What I mean by that is, seeing a beautiful man one time and randomly thinking about what it would be like to have sex with him on some beach vacation is quite different than constantly thinking about your ex, the sex you used to have with him and then fantasizing about it For one thing, the beautiful guy, you will probably never have access to. That ex, though? Well, at the very least, that is a bit more realistic, right?
Then there’s the fact that, again, a fantasy is a suppressed urge or desire. When it comes to the beautiful man, is it his looks that you long for, or is it something deeper? And that ex of yours? Lawd, now why, when you have your own man in your own bed, is your ex “scratching some sort of itch”? Because we all know what they say — “he’s your ex for a reason,” so why is he creeping up into your intimacy space now that the relationship is over? Is something unresolved?
Are there sexual needs that he met that your current partner isn’t (check out “You Love Him. You Prefer Sex With Your Ex. What Should You Do?”)? Is something currently transpiring in your current relationship that you are using fantasies about your ex to escape from?
You see, although when it comes to the topic of fantasizing about others when you’re having sex with someone else might seem like the a cut-and-dried, “Don’t do it, end of discussion” — as someone who works with couples for a living, I think the bigger concern isn’t if another guy comes into your mind during sex with your partner…it’s more about WHY is that happening to begin with. Because if you need to escape from where you are, if you can’t be present with your partner, something is definitely up.
When Should You Be Concerned About the Fantasies You Are Having?
GiphyDuring the last several months of breaking up (because we all know that sometimes breaking up is a process) with the last boyfriend whom I will have in this lifetime, I recall fantasizing about other people while having sex with him. It’s because I really wasn’t attracted to or interested in him, sexually, anymore — but I was a bit fearful of what it would mean to let the entire relationship go.
And boy, is that a huge red flag because I wasn’t fantasizing about some random famous person one time during sex — I was relying on images, my imagination, and previous experiences with other people to literally get me through the act. NOT. GOOD.
Y’all, one of the greatest and most profound forms of communication and connection between two people is sexual intimacy, and so, when it transpires, it really should only be about the two of them. That said, should you freak out over a thought about someone who creeps up into your mind every once in a while? Chile, more people have that happen than they will ever admit out loud.
On the other hand, should you worry if you’re like I was? I’ll put it this way — you should definitely be concerned because the last thing that you should be feeling during sex with someone is like you are suppressing what you need and/or that you want to escape from the moments that you are experiencing with them.
And yet, if that is indeed the case, though, what should you do?
Start with doing some sex journaling. Write down your fantasies, the sources of them, and why you are leaning on them in this season (check out “The Art Of Sex Journaling (And Why You Should Do It)”). If they are tied to unrealistic situations, be real with yourself about that. If they are rooted in potential possibilities, do some journaling about how much you are “feeding into” that reality and what you think would be the wisest way to move forward, both for your sake as well as your relationship.
Talk to your partner. Each relationship is different, and so, while I’m not going to recommend that everyone just blurt out that they’ve been thinking about having sex with their co-worker or college sweetheart while having sex with their partner, I do think that the suppressed urges and desires (in general) should be mentioned. Sometimes, fantasies are birthed out of boredom (check out “If You're Not Having Great Sex, This Is (Probably) Why” and “Common Sex Problems Couples Have (& How To Fix 'Em)”) and doing something like creating a sex bucket list (check out “This Is How To Create The Best Kind Of ‘Sex Bucket List’”) can breathe new life into your bedroom.
Plus, sharing some of your deepest thoughts, feelings, and needs (in a kind, thoughtful, and mature way) can cultivate more emotional intimacy with your partner, and that can definitely be a good thing.
Consider seeing a sex therapist. If, after doing both of these things, the fantasies seem to be getting stronger and louder, you might need to make an appointment with a reputable sex therapist (check out “Have You Ever Wondered If You Should See A Sex Therapist?”). They may be able to help you to “connect some dots” about what’s going on that you wouldn’t have considered without their help, because sex therapists are trained in helping individuals sort out the mental and emotional sides of intimacy, not just the physical ones.
____
Are fantasies bad? They aren’t. However, when it comes to sexual ones, a quote by Benjamin Franklin absolutely comes to mind: “If passion drives you, let reason hold the reins.”
And that, right there, should be a guiding message for how you should process the fantasies that you do have.
Amen? Sho’ you right.
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