December is about creating magic in your life. Things are coming full circle as we close out the year, and there is a lot of love to tend to, priorities to maintain, and success to obtain. We have a few planets going direct this month signaling a moving forward and an overcoming of obstacles. December is typically the month to wind down and prepare for the new year, but there is work to do this month and intentions to manifest.
On the first day of the month, we have a New Moon in Sagittarius, and hope is high right now. This is a great time to think of your future, and to plant the seeds for the successes you want to see this month. Sagittarius is all about taking risks, owning what is authentic to them, and creating abundance in their lives through their open-minded perspectives. Mercury is currently retrograde in Sagittarius until mid-month, and this New Moon is a good opportunity and opening for some more clarity and grace during challenging times within communication.
December 2024 Monthly Horoscope Insights
Mars goes retrograde on Dec. 6, a transit that only occurs every few years. Mars will be retrograde in Leo until Jan. 6, 2024, and then will be retrograde in Cancer from then until going direct on Feb. 23, 2024. This retrograde transit is a time of redirecting your passion, and energy and taking more time for intentional actions rather than rushed or impulsive ones. Mars retrograde in Leo heightens the ego, and some power struggles could play out.
Venus going direct in Leo opposite sign the following day until Jan. 2, will help balance this energy out a lot, and the key over the next few months is to consider other’s heart and perspective as well as your own.
We have a Full Moon in Gemini on Dec. 15 and Mercury goes direct the same day, and this is when things start to get interesting this month. Breakthroughs are occurring, old chapters are disappearing, and gratitude is strong. Capricorn Season officially begins on Dec. 21, and we are able to ground the energy we have been developing this month. Capricorn Season highlights your ambitions, successes, and sense of abundance and tradition. This is a beautiful time to work on the things that matter to you and to feel some more support in your life.
Chiron goes direct in Aries on Dec. 29 after being retrograde here since the end of July, and old wounds are healing. With Chiron now direct in this fire sign, something is empowering about the lessons we have learned this year and a sense of personal growth that is heartening. Before December ends, we have another New Moon, highlighting the new paths we are walking into right now.
The New Moon in Capricorn is on Dec. 30, and it is the second Capricorn New Moon of the year, and dreams are becoming a reality. Think back to January of this year and what you were intending for yourself and your life, as these same themes are manifesting for you again, but this time, you have more wisdom, support, and stability to receive them.
Read for your sun and rising sign below to see what December has in store for you.
AriesKyra Jay for xoNecoleARIES
December is an adventurous month for you, and you are feeling the self-empowerment in your life, Aries. Things are moving forward for you right now and with the Sun in your 9th house of adventure for most of December and a New Moon here on the first day of the month, you are seeking more freedom and personal development right now. You are expanding your world, having fun, and doing what makes sense for you.
Your ruling planet Mars goes retrograde on Dec. 6 for the next couple of months, and you are learning more about your passions, direction, and where you want to put more energy into your life. This is the time to be more patient with creative and romantic experiences and to trust the process more. Chiron goes direct in your sign before the month ends on Dec. 29, and your heart is healing. With Chiron now direct you are feeling emotionally enlivened and transformed as you end the year.
TaurusKyra Jay for xoNecoleTAURUS
This month is a coming together in love, and a new beginning for you within your close relationships, Taurus. Venus enters your 10th house of success, recognition, and reputation on Dec. 7, and you are feeling the connection and support in your life. Your efforts are being encouraged, and you are being well-received exactly as you are showing up today. With the Sun also in an area of your life that has to do with love, intimacy, and resources, you are gaining a lot of clarity on the different relationship dynamics in your life, and feeling a lot of growth here.
Before the month ends, we have a New Moon in fellow earth sign, Capricorn, and you are ending the year on a high note. This New Moon is a great time to set your intentions and manifest your dreams for the next year and you are feeling especially hopeful as you end 2024. Don’t be afraid to take calculated risks during this time, as it’s about thinking big right now and expanding your horizons.
GeminiKyra Jay for xoNecoleGEMINI
We enter the month we have a New Moon in your opposite sign, meaning love is being activated for you this month. This is a good time to think about the new paths your heart is walking on right now, and to know that your perspective on it all is going to determine how things play out for you. Gratitude is the attitude this month, and it’s all about focusing on the things you can control, rather than what you can’t.
Mid-December is an important time for you, Gemini. There is a Full Moon in Gemini happening on this day, and Mercury goes direct. You are feeling more in tune and balanced with what is happening in your life and around you, and are feeling a new sense of security between your personal goals and your relationship needs. You are getting the closure you have needed and it’s helping you let go of what has not been serving you or your heart.
CancerKyra Jay for xoNecoleCANCER
Things are picking up for you this month, Cancer. You are moving forward freely, taking new opportunities into your hands, and feeling courageous. With the Sun in your 6th house of health, work life, lifestyle, and daily routine, and a New Moon here on the first day of the month, your responsibilities may be heightened this month but you have the energy and passion within you to get things done right now. You are feeling encouraged to succeed, and are moving into a time of success in December.
Mercury goes direct on Dec. 15, and this will bring more ease and communication within your work life, and you will feel more heard and seen than you may have been these past few weeks while Mercury was in retrograde. On Dec. 30, a New Moon in Capricorn is happening, and you are leaving the year feeling a breakthrough occur for you in love. A lot of this month and this year you have needed to focus more on yourself and your dreams, but as you close out 2024, you are ready to let some more people into your world.
LeoKyra Jay for xoNecoleLEO
This month is all about balancing your priorities, Leo. Only take on what you feel you can handle right now, and don’t burn yourself out before your dreams come to fruition. Mars goes retrograde in your sign from Dec. 6 until Jan. 6, and there is a lot to process emotionally and personally right now. You may be feeling some power struggles in your life during this time, and it’s about owning your power without trying to force or control outcomes.
With Venus entering your house of love on Dec. 7 until 2025, don’t forget that you have support in your life, and lean on people when you need to. It’s okay to ask for help, and this month, you may need to reach out. The Full Moon in Gemini on Dec. 15, is a great time to be with friends, and your community, and to take note of the dreams that have come to fruition for you this year. There is a lot to be grateful for as the year ends, remember to focus on the gifts of that.
VirgoKyra Jay for xoNecoleVIRGO
December is a new beginning for you, Virgo. You have found your stability, and are feeling confident on the ground you are walking on right now. New beginnings, experiences, and opportunities are more likely for you in the home, and there is a lot of excitement in your world right now. The New Moon on the 1st is a great time to set your intentions for your home life, foundations, family, and inner well-being.
Neptune goes direct in your 7th house of love after being retrograde here since the summer, and your relationships are receiving more understanding, clarity, and hope. You are experiencing a coming together in your life that is making you feel more self-secure and stable as you walk into the new year. Your ruling planet Mercury goes direct on Dec. 15 as well after being in retrograde these past few weeks, and the seeds you have planted are ready to bloom. The feeling of uneasiness or uncertainty is leaving your life this month, as things clear up for you in your private and personal life.
LibraKyra Jay for xoNecoleLIBRA
You are feeling all the feels this month, Libra. Emotions are heightened, but so is your intuition, and you are seeking truths. This is a great month for communication matters, for figuring things out, and for connecting through the heart. On Dec. 7, Venus enters your 5th house of romance, and you are ready for some more fun in love. Your love life is an area of your life where you feel more confident and emotionally in tune as you end the year, and there is a lot to look forward to here this month.
On Dec. 15, we have a Full Moon in fellow air sign, Gemini, and culminations are occurring and helping you see things in a new light. This Full Moon is bringing things full circle within the mind, and this is a good time to gain some guidance, renew, and mentally heal. The New Moon before the month ends on Dec. 30 is about creating breakthroughs in the home and with your close loved ones, and your focus should be on what you want to manifest in this area of your life for the next year.
ScorpioKyra Jay for xoNecoleSCORPIO
December is all about patience, Scorpio. This is the time of the year when you should focus on rest, letting things come to you, and trusting the divine timing of your life. With the Sun in your 2nd house of income for most of the month, and a New Moon here on the 1st, new developments are happening for you financially, but you may need some time to fully accept, grasp, and understand them. It’s about nurturing your dreams, and not doubting them right now.
Mars, one of your ruling planets, goes retrograde mid-month, and this is bringing things to a head within career matters. This is your time to refocus your ambitions, redefine how you want to show up and what you want to be known for, and let opportunities come to you. Mercury goes direct a week later, and this is even further clearing things up for you when it comes to your security in life, and you can attain more success, wealth, and assets moving forward. Overall, December is a big month for you financially, and a key moment in understanding the importance of patience and trust.
SagittariusKyra Jay for xoNecoleSAGITTARIUS
Trust your intuition this month. It’s your season, beautiful, Sag, and you are feeling the synergy and fulfillment in your life. You have grown in so many ways this year and your wisdom and knowledge are inspiring others. This month is all about standing in your empowerment, owning what you know, and moving yourself forward. The light is shining on you, and you are manifesting success and beauty in your world.
Mercury has been retrograde in your sign since Nov. 25, and will finally go direct on the 15th. This is doing wonders for your soul, your goals, and the new beginnings you are seeking, and you are mentally feeling a lot more clear-headed now. A Full Moon in Gemini is happening on the same day, activating your heart space, and it’s all about balancing what you know with what you feel. Trust that what is blooming in your life is meant for you and that what isn’t meant for you, won’t become.
CapricornKyra Jay for xoNecoleCAPRICORN
Things are getting exciting for you in December, Capricorn. You are one of the stars of the show this month, and you are overcoming the past in major ways. Venus enters Aquarius on Dec. 7, and this is bringing love and protection into your finances, values, and self-confidence in life. This is a great time for seeing manifestations bloom for you in love as well, and also for investing in yourself more. Mercury goes direct in your 7th house of romance and partnership mid-month, and this is even further helping you feel a lot more supported and in harmony than you have been feeling recently.
Capricorn Season officially begins on Dec. 21, and it’s your time to shine and move forward, beautiful! You have fewer restrictions and obstacles towards your new beginnings and are entering 2025 at full speed. Before we close out the year the second New Moon in Capricorn occurs on Dec. 30, and you are proving to yourself the power of your mind and what you have created for yourself. This is a great month for feeling empowered, independent, and successful overall.
AquariusKyra Jay for xoNecoleAQUARIUS
Life is coming to fruition for you in magnificent ways this month, Aquarius. You are feeling fulfilled, loved, and accomplished and you have risen above the mess. The Sun is in your 11th house of friendship for most of this month, and this is a good time to connect with the people who understand and support you and to take the time to feel gratitude for this area of your life. Mars goes retrograde in your 7th house of love on Dec. 6, and dynamics will be changing for you within your relationships over the next few months, so having balance here and trying to focus more on what does work rather than what doesn’t, is needed.
Venus enters Aquarius on the 7th, and this is when you are going to feel a lot more of the sweetness that this month is bringing into your life. Support is coming in, and you are being reminded how loved you are. On Dec. 15, there is a Full Moon in your house of romance happening as well, and your heart is the focus. The closures and conclusions you have been seeking are coming to the forefront, and you can see the light at the end of the tunnel. Remember that you deserve good love, Aquarius.
PiscesKyra Jay for xoNecolePISCES
December is all about being hopeful, Pisces. Gifts and opportunities come to you when you need them, and finding your stability and self-assurance amid change is needed right now. Right as the month begins, there is a New Moon in your 10th house of career and aspirations, and there is a lot to look forward to. This is a good time to set your intentions for your professional world and social life and to seek new opportunities and connections here.
Neptune, one of your ruling planets, goes direct on the 7th after being retrograde in Pisces since this summer, and your heart can breathe a little better now. Any confusion you have been feeling regarding what you want for yourself and your life is clearing up for you now, and your hope for it all is healing. On Dec. 15, a Full Moon in your 4th house of stability occurs, and this is going to help you feel more grounded through the midst of change that you are currently in in your life.
Remind yourself often this month, that all is well, and everything is working in your favor.
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Featured image by Kyra Jay for xoNecole
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At the beginning of the year, we are being shown how significant 2025 will be for love. From March 1, 2025, until April 12, 2025, Venus, the planet of love and relationships, will be retrograde. Venus goes retrograde approximately every 18 months and hasn’t been retrograde since the Summer of 2023. With love taking a step back at the beginning of the year, we move through a time of understanding the emotional world better and letting go of trying to control outcomes here.
What Does 2025 Have in Store for Love?
It’s time to refocus your relationship priorities overall, and with this retrograde happening in both Aries and Pisces, Aries being the first sign of the zodiac and Pisces being the last; there is a chapter we are closing and a new one we are walking into.
Another significant factor that is influencing relationships this year, is Jupiter’s entry into Cancer. Jupiter brings blessings, abundance, luck, and expansion, and in water sign Cancer, brings these gifts to your emotions. Cancer rules emotional safety, foundations, close loved ones, family, support, and emotional well-being, and with Jupiter in this sign from June 9, 2025, until June 30, 2026, we experience blessings in stability within love. This is a good year for building stronger foundations in love, aligning with those who are loyal and supportive, knowing what you need emotionally, and being a lot clearer on it.
Letting Go of the Past: The Astrological Theme of 2025
Overall, the guideline for the year when it comes to love is to focus on the bigger picture and let things work themselves out without forcing them to. Magic will come in for you this year when you can assess your needs and wants, let go of illusions or smoke and mirrors, and focus on the things you want for yourself rather than what you don’t. Your focus and beliefs on love are the priority right now, and things will be coming full circle for the better.
Read below to see your personal 2025 love forecast. Read for your sun, moon, and rising signs.
ARIES
2025 is one of the more significant years for you, Aries. A lot of the major transits are happening in your sign, which includes Venus retrograde in Aries at the beginning of the year, Neptune in Aries from March 2025 until 2039, and Saturn in Aries from May 2025 until 2028. Not to mention, Chiron, the wounded healer is currently in your sign until 2027.
What this means for you when it comes to love, is that you have learned a lot about where you want to be here, and it’s the year to implement more of these tools and knowledge of the heart.
This year for love is about honoring your integrity and what you need personally to thrive in life and creating that space to let it in. You need someone who will be there for you through whatever you are experiencing in life and not someone who adds to these challenges. This year is a time of rising above, and choosing better for yourself.
TAURUS
2025 for you when it comes to love, is all about perspective and taking better care of your heart, Taurus. Uranus, the planet of change, rebellion, progress, and upheaval, has been in your sign since 2019, and this year you get a break from all of the surprises. From Jul. 7, 2025, until Nov. 7, 2025, Uranus leaves your sign and enters Gemini, giving your mind and your heart some time to breathe.
This year you are being given the opportunity to see things for what they are, rather than what you fear them to be. You are able to see your relationship dynamics clearer, allowing you to feel more confident in what you are building and creating for yourself in this area of your life. What you are working on this year is letting go of overthinking, and allowing things to play out the way they are meant to in love.
GEMINI
This year you are feeling in balance when it comes to love, Gemini. Relationships are important to you in life overall, as you are a relationship-oriented sign, but it can be difficult at times to keep the balance and perspective here. This year, with lucky Jupiter in your sign until June, you have the opportunity to be blessed with some fortunate circumstances personally and within romance.
You are feeling yourself this year, and this is attracting you success and new opportunities within love.
Uranus will also be in your sign this year from Jul. 7 until Nov. 7, and some surprises are in store for you. Pay attention to what happens in your love life during this period, as similar themes will be coming back around for you when Uranus officially enters its Gemini transit from 2026 - 2032. Overall, this year is about balancing what’s coming and going in love, and finding your peace within your inner confidence for it all.
CANCER
2025 for you, Cancer, is about stability in love. You are growing emotionally from the ground up, and are feeling a sense of support, confidence, romance, and receptivity in your love life this year. You are one of the lucky signs of 2025, and this is due to Jupiter, the planet of blessings, entering your sign from June 9, 2025, until June 30, 2026. While Jupiter is in your sign, your life expands and you are able to see the gifts of your world that may have been harder to come by previously.
This is a year of spending more time with your loved ones and feeling more heard and supported emotionally. Safety and security are especially important to you this year, and you are only entertaining the people who feel that way about you and provide that. Many Cancers will be expanding their families this year or developing a long-term relationship, and overall this is a year of feeling stronger when it comes to love.
LEO
When it comes to love this year for you, Leo, it’s about trusting your intuition and listening more to what your heart is telling you. There are not many major transits happening in Leo in 2025, which means there is a lot of room to grow, but you may be feeling a lack of support or encouragement to do so. A lot of Leos are taking a step back to look at where they are currently in love, and yearning for some change and a new direction here.
Neptune will be in your 9th house of adventure for most of this year, and you are being asked to get inspired and do things differently, but don’t take unnecessary risks in love that may not serve you in the long run.
It can be easy to get lost in the fantasy of love rather than the actual reality you’ll live in here, and taking more time to understand yourself, your relationships, and the dynamics in your love life will be necessary. Overall, your heart is healing this year and you are moving away from the past and creating your new future.
VIRGO
This year when it comes to love, you are going through changes that are aligning you closer to your goals and dreams here, Virgo. You are focused on making things work that you want to see bloom, and also letting go of putting effort into people that aren’t reciprocating the same energy. With the North Node entering your sister sign Pisces and the South Node moving into your sign from Jan. 11, 2025, until Jul. 26, 2026, you are doing a lot of letting go over the next year.
However, with the North Node being in your 7th house of love, new doors and gifts are also opening up for you and your partnerships. The more you can let go of perfection and overworking your mind and your heart, the more blessings you will experience when it comes to love this year. In 2025, you also have two Eclipses in your sign, and there are overall a lot of changes Virgos are moving through this year. Your main guidance for love is to stand by the things that serve your heart and release yourself from what burdens it.
LIBRA
Love is coming to fruition for you this year, Libra. You have been through a lot in your personal life these past few years, and walking into 2025, you are ready for some positive change. This is a year of feeling in balance with your personal goals and dreams, and what you are experiencing romantically and financially as well. Relationship dynamics are serving you and your sense of abundance, and many gifts are coming your way in love this year.
With Neptune, Chiron, and Saturn all being in your 7th house of love, your love life and partnerships are the main focus for you in 2025.
You are moving through changes, overcoming previous obstacles, and bringing back the dreamy energy here. With Chiron in the 7th, you are still doing some healing of the heart, but with Neptune now entering, it all feels a little more romantic and spiritual at the same time. This year is about believing in the impossible in love, taking care of yourself, and allowing someone else to take care of you as well.
SCORPIO
This year is all about opportunity when it comes to love, Scorpio. You have your eyes on the prize and are focused on what you want for yourself, but also how you want to show up for love as well. You have goals and intentions that you are setting for your love life this year, and a lot of them reflect the passion and strength you are feeling as you enter the year. Vesta is in your sign this year until September, and you have a spark within you that is a magnet for success and love. You are walking forward confidently and are feeling inspired, sexy, and magical this year.
This is a very sensual and powerful year for you, and this energy is being reflected in the relationship experiences you are having. Jupiter also enters your 9th house of adventure halfway through the year, and there is something special about the trips you are taking and the risks you are taking in love. Overall, this is a year of doing things your way and attracting love to you through your inner confidence and charisma.
SAGITTARIUS
This is a beautiful year of feeling balanced and abundant in love, Sagittarius. There is a lot of energy coming in and you are giving a lot of love as well. This sense of synergy you are feeling within your love life this year has a lot to do with Juno, the asteroid of soulmates, in your sign from Feb. 19 - Apr. 15. Your people are coming in and you have options this year, Sag.
This is a year of feeling loved for the inspiring, outgoing, and unique being you are, and meeting more people who match your energy.
Saturn also enters your 5th house of romance this year, and you are learning a lot through your experiences with others. You are learning how to be more confident in who you are and what you want for yourself and also recognizing the importance of making more time for fun and playful experiences. This is the year to see love as a more light-hearted experience and to not take yourself too seriously.
CAPRICORN
You are letting things come to you when it comes to love this year, Capricorn. You are feeling beautiful, capable, and worthy, and you are receiving the gifts that come from this sense of confidence and patience. This past year, you were setting a lot of new goals for yourself and your relationships, and in 2025, you are experiencing the results of these efforts.
Jupiter moves into your sister sign Cancer from June 9, 2025, until June 30, 2026, and enters your 7th house of love, partnerships, romance, marriage, and harmony. Your love life and experience of it all are expanding this year, and benevolent Jupiter is sending blessings to this area of your life. This is a year of things coming full circle for you in love, and you feel less confused about it all and more sure of yourself and what is becoming for you here.
AQUARIUS
Love is a highlight for you this year, Aquarius. You are coming together with another, and many Aquarius’ will be forming new relationships or growing within a strong relationship. You are experiencing the fruition of your dreams in love, and are also able to heal and let go of past emotional experiences that have been overwhelming for you in the past.
The North Node enters your 12th house of closure this year, and you are motivated towards change, cleaning house, and releasing the cobwebs of the past.
You are walking into new emotional experiences with less baggage and self-doubt, and are experiencing a fresh start in love. This is a year of asking for what you need emotionally and receiving it. Love is coming in for you in harmonious and magical ways, and you are rewriting your story in love in 2025.
PISCES
You are moving through a lot of changes when it comes to love in 2025, Pisces. This is a year of closure, healing, and giving yourself a fresh start, and the way you enter the year will be a lot different than the way you end it. The North Node of Destiny enters your sign this year, and the South Node of Karma enters your 7th house of love. So, a lot of your focus this year is on your personal goals and path, and there may be some neglect or lack of focus on your relationships.
This can create some discord with those close to you, and your guidance for this year is to try to balance the personal successes and wins you are experiencing, with the love changes that also need your attention right now. Know that what leaves your life this year is being replaced by something better, and also know that your healing doesn’t need to have a timeline and you can take as much time as you need to grow. Overall, you are turning a new page in love in 2025.
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Take partner, for example. People who are engaged in the same activity are considered to be partners. Those who dance and/or play together are considered to be partners. Individuals who are engaged in a romantic relationship are considered to be partners. Folks who are on the same side are considered to be partners. And yes, another word for spouse is — wait for it — partner. So, what in the world is wrong with the word “partner” as it relates to marriage? According to the dictionary, absolutely nothing — and I’ll go with that resource over some bitter TikToker any day of the week.
Thankfully, not all of social media is lost when it comes to knowing the meaning and origin of words. Take one of my favorite platforms, Beleaf in Fatherhood, for instance. Although I have watched this Black family-friendly platform for a few years now, Glen’s post last month that was entitled, “Why I Left YouTube and Moved To A Farm,” reminded me that one of the things I enjoy so much about the channel is how “word intentional” everyone on there tends (or at least tries) to be.
This definitely includes when Glen also recently posted a video entitled, “She Has to Make Home Cooked Meals in the Hotel Room” — one that pretty much praised his wife for close to 12 minutes straight. In it, he said something that let me know that he knew exactly what he was saying — and why.
And y’all, if you’re someone who happens to be married, I think the same word could really breathe new life (and perspective) into your marriage as well. That is, if you allow it to.
Married Couples Aren’t Always Gonna Agree…And That Is Okay. Beneficial, Even.
GiphyAt the end of this article, I will post the second video that I just referred to, mostly because I think it’s a beautiful thing to watch for yourself. However, the main thing that Glen said that inspired this post is, as he was paying attention to all of the steps that his wife was taking to make not-just-any-ole’ pancakes for the family vs. what his method would probably be, he said, “Although we don’t agree, we are aligned.”
Listen. LISTEN. As someone who’s been working with married couples for two decades at this point, that got me right in the gut. Lawd, how I wish that more people would get that a healthy marriage doesn’t mean that you always have to AGREE (have the same views or emotions about things)…the goal should be to make sure that you always remain ALIGNED, though.
And why shouldn’t agreement be the main priority? To me, I look at agreement in a marriage a lot like I look at perfectionism for individuals — it’s simply unrealistic. Just because you selected someone to “do life with” or, as Scripture calls it (Genesis 2:24-25), “become one” with, that doesn’t mean that you and your spouse are identical — and that alone means that the two of you will not agree all of the time.
In fact, there is plenty of science out here that says that disagreements and conflict can be good for your personal and relational development because they can do the following things:
- Conflict can help you see things from another perspective
- Conflict can teach you how to become a better listener
- Conflict can show you where you need to brush up on your communication skills
- Conflict can help you to master controlling your emotions (and your tongue)
- Conflict can show you how to set and respect boundaries
- Conflict can reveal where you need to show humility (like when to apologize, for example)
- Conflict can help you to become a better problem solver
- Conflict can teach you the art of negotiation and compromise
- Conflict can show you how to see the bigger picture
- Conflict can reveal where you need to mature and evolve as a person
Yeah, anyone who thinks that a relationship should be conflict-free is not only someone who is living in a dream world; they also tend to be a great example of where I am coming from when I say, “Many people are not looking for a PARTNER; they are looking for an AUDIENCE.” Meaning, that they don’t want someone who is going to help them, sometimes through conflicts and disagreements, to become a better individual; they simply want a “yes” person who is going to go along with what they say all of the time. SMDH.
Okay, but what about another Scripture that asks, “Can two walk together, unless they are agreed?” (Amos 3:3 — NKJV)
Good question, and to that, I will say, if you’re in a serious relationship and you’re considering getting married soon, you mostly definitely need to be in agreement when it comes to some core things like your value systems; how you see family; if you have similar goals and insights when it comes to finances; if you esteem marriage in the same way; boundaries that need to be set with each other and other people (including and sometimes especially family); how a household should be ran; if you see the future in a similar way and honestly, if you’re on similar pages about religion/faith (or at least can you live in harmony if your belief systems are different — check out “6 Things To Consider Before Getting Into An Interfaith Relationship”).
By ignoring how important it is to have similar views on matters as big as these, you can end up being in unnecessary conflict — and yes, as much as a home can start off in peace and with a sense of harmony, the better. After all, “until death parts us” is a really (REALLY) long time.
Beyond that, though, again, it’s okay to not always agree. The goal, instead, should be alignment.
Let’s explore the difference for a bit.
You Can Disagree in a Productive Way…When Your Ultimate Goal Is to Be ALIGNED
GiphyI wouldn’t be surprised at all if the only time when you actually hear about alignment is when folks are talking about the universe or planets (which basically means that they appear to bein a straight line). However, when it comes to what we are discussing today, when two people are aligned, alignment means “to bring into cooperation or agreement with a particular group, party, cause, etc.” In other words, being aligned doesn’t “just happen” — mutual effort is required.
That’s actually why I like the word so much because, literally, cooperate means “to work or act together or jointly for a common purpose or benefit.”
Yep, when married folks want a peaceful dynamic, they strive to cooperate with one another for the sake of a common purpose or benefit…even if there are some disagreements along the way. And, in order to do that, they have to remember how important it is to be aligned with one another — and then be willing to put in the necessary effort.
And how does that transpire? Well, here are some synonyms for align that particularly stand out to me:
1. Ally:
Allies “unite formally,” and boy, are there times when I wonder if my clients are allies or enemies. SMDH. When two individuals have both decided that, no matter what, they are going to stand as a united front, they really can get through just about anything. Period.
2. Troubleshoot:
How cool is it that “troubleshoot” is a synonym for align? I adore that because troubleshooting is all about discovering ways to eliminate problems or malfunctions — yes, even in a relationship. And here’s the thing about troubleshooting: oftentimes, you have to be willing to try several different approaches and methods, all the while BEING PATIENT until you find what works for the both of you or for the problem overall…even if that means following your spouse when you would prefer to do your own thing (follow is another synonym, by the way).
3. Adjust:
People who can make adjustments are people who are flexible; they are not so rigid in their way of thinking that they aren’t willing to shift in order to reach a common goal. So many people can’t make their marriage work or last due to this one necessary skill alone.
4. Accommodate:
One of my favorite definitions of accommodate is “to make suitable.” When you watch the video of Yvette making the pancakes for her family, because they are in a hotel in Mexico, she has to make some accommodations, i.e., make some adjustments, in order to get the job done. Would it be easier at home? Yes, yet the objective is to do her best with what she has. Mature individuals get that this should be the ultimate objective of marriage too. Be willing to make accommodations. Again, mutually so.
5. Sympathize:
“Sharing in the feelings” of your partner is what sympathizing is all about. Hmph. You’d be amazed by how much peace can come to a stressful situation if both people are simply willing to understand how the other individual feels about it — and then validate that emotion.
6. Mend:
“Mend” is such a bomb word for marriage. That’s because mending is about making things whole, repairing what’s been damaged, removing defects, making progress, and setting things right. I know far too many people who married conflict-makers instead of menders. Singles, if you are tiptoeing in on this, if you are not with someone who displays very clear “mending” characteristics — you need to totally reconsider the relationship. TRUST ME.
7. Improve:
I adore this word as well because Glen said that although he and Yvette may not always have the same views or emotions on things (agree) because they are aligned, they seek out how to improve matters and each other — and improve means “to bring into a more desirable or excellent condition.” You know what this means? Sometimes, a disagreement, when done well, can actually make things better than before.
When mutual respect, patience, and a desire to make things even “more excellent” is what the husband and wife want, that is exactly what can happen.
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And all of this is why I say that if married couples are willing to apply the word “align” to their relationship, there can be so much more understanding, growth, and even love that can take place — because when you get that you don’t have to be the same, you just have to ultimately desire similar things for the relationship…you can be so much more effective in your approach.
So, if you’re ready for a healthier dynamic: GET INTO ALIGNMENT.
A game-changer, for the better, indeed.
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