How Deon Libra Co-Founder Devin McGhee Is Bringing 'Stress Care To Every Hood'
For decades, the beauty industry has maintained a culture that prioritizes correcting and concealing our outward blemishes while overlooking our inward needs. As brands sell products with the promise of flawless skin, Devin McGhee, co-founder of the adaptogenic brand, Deon Libra, suggests that the key to one’s wellness starts by getting to the root of their stress.
After losing her father to a stress-induced heart attack in 2018, McGhee began to have difficulties sleeping. “A lot of people were like, ‘just take Xanax,’ because there were days where I was up anywhere from 48 to 72 hours with no sleep. Meaning no nap, nothing,” she recalls. Armed with firsthand experience of the effects that long-term stress can have on the body through the loss of her father, she began researching natural stress solutions to cope with her grief.
“I didn't want that to be my fate,” says McGhee.
Through her research, McGhee found out about a profound natural remedy that gradually put her mind and body at ease. “Adaptogens are essentially a specific group of herbs and non-psychedelic mushrooms that help your body regulate your cortisol levels,” she explains.
“I came across a sleep study that studied Black people sleeping versus white people sleeping. They monitored their heart rate and blood pressure and what they realized was that when Black people are sleeping, they're not truly at rest because their blood pressure and heart rates do not drop to the normal level of a sleeping human,” she says. “When I realized that, everything in my world and what happened to my dad clicked.”
Deon Libra CEO/co-founder Devin McGhee
Courtesy of Devin McGhee
It wasn’t long before she began seeing changes in her mood and after just two weeks of taking adaptogens, McGhee was finally sleeping again.
“I looked at Brit, our co-founder, and I was like, this works. Why isn't anybody teaching Black people about this?” she says. “There were no brands marketing this to Black people and teaching Black people." She decided to create her own.
Deon Libra, named in tribute to McGhee’s father’s middle name and his astrological sign, is an adaptogenic brand fostering beauty and wellness from the inside out. In November, the brand launched its ingestible adaptogenic powder, Unbothered, along with Big Up, a luxe, adaptogenic full-body oil serum that aims to make Black folks feel and look good.
Deon Libra COO/co-founder Brit Kirkland
Courtesy of Devin McGhee
McGhee and her co-founder/fiancée, Brit Kirkland, aim to supply “stress care to every hood.” Through their bold, luxurious, and educational products, the duo strives to challenge the “white, skinny, and feminine” standard within the wellness industry that often treats Black folks as an afterthought.
“In the wellness industry, we've been excluding so many people by trying to make it this cookie-cutter thing,” she shares. “I think what keeps a lot of people away from wellness is that it's so intimidating, and nothing looks fun,” McGhee continues. “Wellness can be fun; not everything has to be a meditation or yoga pose.”
xoNecole: Being a new founder, are there any obstacles or challenges that you've encountered along the way? If so, what have you learned from them?
Devin McGhee: As a founder, it feels like every day is an obstacle. Outside looking in, it just seems like everybody wants to be ‘the perfect founder,’ and everybody wants to have their shit together. But I've learned that that's impossible. If you're a founder, most times, it's your first time doing this. At one point in your life, it was your first time taking a physical step and you had to learn how to walk. I look at my founderhood the same way: every day, I'm going to do something and learn something. If I've never done it before, and I don't understand it, that’s okay.
I think a lot of times, the lack of knowledge and the lack of access to certain knowledge on your founder's journey scares a lot of people. The difference for me, and my co-founder—who's also my fiancée—is that we never let not knowing scare us. Just because you don't know something about a certain area doesn't mean that you can't learn it. And that doesn't mean that you can't find somebody to help you learn it or help guide you through that process.
"Outside looking in, it just seems like everybody wants to be ‘the perfect founder,’ and everybody wants to have their shit together. But I've learned that that's impossible.”
xoN: The wellness industry is a traditionally white space that can often feel exclusionary to Black people. How do you hope to shift this with your brand?
DM: I always like to emphasize that the wellness industry is very white, feminine, and skinny. When we were doing all those polls and surveys while trying to initially build the brand, one thing that stood out to me was how whenever I mentioned something with wellness and color, it came down to very muted, light things. And so for me, I had to first define what wellness looked like to me. And for me, it was balance.
If practicing yoga once a week or meditating is your thing, that's a form of wellness and it looks different for everybody. I really wanted to create a brand that allowed our people to create space for themselves during the day.
"For me, I had to first define what wellness looked like to me. And for me, it was balance. If practicing yoga once a week or meditating is your thing, that's a form of wellness and it looks different for everybody. I really wanted to create a brand that allowed our people to create space for themselves during the day."
Deon Libra
Courtesy of Devin McGhee
xoN: As someone who has battled with stress and seen the impact that long-term stress can have on the body, how has your relationship with wellness evolved since first starting Deon Libra?
DM: I think I'm very much a ‘do as I say, not as I do’ type of person right now, and it's not 100% intentional, but I am a founder, and there are sacrifices you make. I tell people it's really important to get sleep and take your adaptogens daily, and I try my hardest to practice that. But we run a whole company with just two people and I'm very straightforward about that. Like on Instagram, if I'm having a bad day, I have no problem saying that this journey is really, really hard right now. I think we talk a lot about founders making entrepreneurship look really glamorous, online and it's not, this shit is ghetto. I tell anybody who wants to do this that it’s worth it, but it's very ghetto.
Although I know how to take care of myself, I don't do the best and that's because I'm trying to make sure other people do it. There's a line on the Kendrick Lamar song, "Mr. Morale" where he says, "I'm sacrificing myself to start the healing," and that’s literally my mantra. I'm not gonna let this company kill me, but somebody has to make the sacrifice for Black people to understand how detrimental stress is to our life and that it can kill you. It killed my daddy and he was 54.
I think there are a lot of things that are challenging as a founder, especially as a Black, female LGBT founder. There are a lot of things you have to take and tolerate, so I think the hardest part about my wellness for me is balancing what I'm going to tolerate, what I want to change for other founders and entrepreneurs, and what I can deal with.
"There are a lot of things that are challenging as a founder, especially as a Black, female LGBT founder. There are a lot of things you have to take and tolerate, so I think the hardest part about my wellness for me is balancing what I'm going to tolerate, what I want to change for other founders and entrepreneurs, and what I can deal with."
Deon Libra
Courtesy of Devin McGhee
xoN: Overall, how do you hope Black people will feel and take away from their experience with Deon Libra?
DM: I hope that our people know that they are worthy of anything and everything good, to them and for them. Down to our branding, Brit was like we really need a little monogram that looks like luxury; like the LV of Louis Vuitton, because as Black people, we deserve to have luxury.
Luxury doesn’t have to equate to a dollar sign. Luxury for me is things that make you feel good and that make you proud to be exactly who you are and where you are at any given point in your life. I just want Black people to know that they are worthy of feeling good. I think everything cool and everything innovative comes from Black culture, I will stand by that until I die.
For more of Devin and Deon Libra, follow her on Instagram @devinkielle and @deonlibra_.
Featured image courtesy of Devin McGhee
Aley Arion is a writer and digital storyteller from the South, currently living in sunny Los Angeles. Her site, yagirlaley.com, serves as a digital diary to document personal essays, cultural commentary, and her insights into the Black Millennial experience. Follow her at @yagirlaley on all platforms!
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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Not too long ago, while in an interview, someone asked me for a top complaint that I hear husbands say (first) and then wives state (second) as it relates to what goes down (or doesn’t go down) in the bedroom.
Ladies first: when it comes to women, I think what comes up more than anything might surprise some: it’s boredom. A lot of wives want there to be more spontaneity instead of taking the “If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it” approach from their partner. As for men? I mean, would anyone be shocked to hear that they wished their wife would initiate sex more often?
I’m telling you, over frequency, technique, and even dressing up more for bed (and yes, those things also come up quite a bit), hands down, what I hear that more men want is for their partner to show them that they are desired by taking the initial steps to make copulation happen…more often.
And so, since I’m all about doing whatever I can to reduce dissatisfaction and frustration in the bedroom department, let’s explore this very topic today — from a few angles. For starters, what it truly means to be a sexual initiator; two, why it’s so vitally important to be a sexual initiator, and three, why it could literally change the entire tone, energy, and outcome of your sex life with your partner — if you’d simply be open to initiating sex more often than you (probably already) do.
What It Means to Initiate Something. LITERALLY.
Giphy
I’m word-literal — there’s no secret about that. So, when it comes to the topic of initiating sex, let’s start with what the word means. To initiate is “to begin, set going, or originate” and “to introduce into the knowledge of some art or subject.” Some synonyms for initiate include begin, open, set up, trigger, admit, introduce, and invest. And when it comes to all of the meanings of these words, between men and women, when it comes to sex specifically, guess who does it more? Men. BY A LONG SHOT TOO: a whopping 60 percent.
When it comes to why a lot of women are so comfortable with men initiating intimacy, many think that, just like men should pursue them for a relationship, it is also “the man’s role” to pursue sex in the bedroom; they literally think that it makes them look desperate or needy for them to be the initiator — yes, even as a wife. What in the world?
Listen, when two people sign up to be each other’s exclusive sex partner until death parts them, it means they are both saying that they desire each other so much that they are willing to make that kind of commitment — and so, there should be no “I don’t want to appear this way or that” when it comes to sexual activity.
So, with all of that ridiculous overthinking out of the way, that should make you want to “set up” some sex plans, “admit” to some sexual fantasies that you may have, and “introduce” some new ideas to your partner; especially since that’s exactly what so many men wish that their lady would do, to begin with.
So, with all of this said, if you’re someone who is hung up on not initiating, first spend some time really processing what the word means. Because when two people are eager to begin sex and invest in each other sexually, that is the recipe for a truly satisfying experience…over and over and over again.
C’mon. Who Doesn’t Want to Feel Wanted?
GiphyI remember once reading an article that said our brain processes rejection the same way that it does physical pain, and y’all, I don’t know about you, but if something is physically hurting me, my natural inclination is to get away from it. Along these lines, when it comes to relationships since research has proven that rejection can lead to things like jealousy, shame, anxiety, loneliness, and guilt — yes, it makes all of the common sense in the world that you would want to do all that you can to make your partner feel wanted…both in and outside of the bedroom because, just like no one wants to deal with physical pain, no one wants to keep dealing with rejection and all of the fallout that comes with it…either.
Actually, when it comes to this particular point, I think that an article that I once read on Psychology Today’s site said it best: “Not only does being needed help define your role in a relationship, but being needed can also influence how satisfied you feel in a relationship.” And before some of you say that “sex is not a need” — the hell you say? I mean, the only purpose of your clitoris is to provide sexual stimulation, so that alone should make us all deem sex (and sexual fulfillment) as pretty damn important.
Plus, by definition, a need is something that is deemed as being essential while also being something that is extremely necessary, and anyone who thinks that a romantic relationship doesn’t need physical intimacy? That’s someone who really needs to remain single because one of the top things that makes a relationship more than a friendship is there is intimacy that’s involved.
Besides, who doesn’t want to feel wanted by their partner — and I do mean, in every way? And when you make the decision to be in an exclusive relationship with someone else, you are declaring that they are someone who pleases you to the point where you don’t need to look for anyone else to do it; and, if that is indeed what you are saying, it doesn’t make sense that you wouldn’t initiate sex with them sometimes (and I do mean more than on their birthday).
One, because you choose them to “fill that role.” Two, because they are the source of your fulfillment in that area. Three, because it’s completely unfair (not to mention totally hypocritical) to expect them to make you feel wanted when you’re not being intentional about making them feel the same way in return. Not to mention the fact that initiating also helps to safeguard your relationship on a lot of levels too.
Since sex is important and rejection is detrimental on so many levels, it’s crucial to make your partner feel sexually wanted and desired by you. One way to definitely do that is to initiate sex.
What Initiating Sex Does for You
GiphySo, what does initiating sex do for the initiator? Something that I tell a lot of my women clients is it helps them to create an atmosphere that puts them in the mood. What I mean by that is, if their husband is perfectly content having sex on the couch during commercials (I’m kind of exaggerating to make a point…kind of…LOL) while they would like some candles, mood music, and rose petals — they can control that if they are the one who initiates.
Another perk that comes with being the initiator is you have more “control” over how the sex goes. The kind of foreplay you want, how fast or slow things go, how intercourse begins — all of this, you have more of a say so in if you’re the one who is initiating intimacy. Why? Well, think about when your bae initiates — doesn’t it seem like you tend to follow his lead more when he’s the one who is first to get the ball rolling?
Oftentimes, when a couple comes to me about being sexually dissatisfied, and I recommend that the one who doesn’t initiate takes more initiative, the one on the receiving end likes the fact that their partner is “running the show” — and the initiator likes “being in charge” more than they thought that they would. As a result, both end up experiencing far more pleasure.
The initiator shows what they want more of while the receiver feels desired in the process. A win/win for everyone.
What Initiating Sex Does for Him
sexy black and white GIFGiphyA couple of weeks ago, while in a session with a client, he was joking about how much he has “too much of a good thing” when it comes to his wife’s libido. Although science says that the fact that men have a higher amount of testosterone in their system, and it is the reason why they typically have a higher sex drive, don’t sleep on a lot of women out there who want to get it in more than their husband does. His wife is one of them. Since she’s a client of mine too (oftentimes, we do our sessions separately), it’s interesting that he’s fine with having sex a couple of times a month while she would like to a couple of times a week.
So, is he denying her when she wants it more often? Nope. The reason why they’re not having more sex is that even though her drive is higher, she still waits for him to initiate. Why? Because she thinks that’s what “the man should do”; not only that but “being wooed” turns her on more.
As I’ve been working on helping them to find a middle ground (because if marriage ain’t about compromise, I don’t know what is), he says that he feels like because he plans a lot of the dates, he wishes that she would initiate more: “I don’t think a lot of women get how hard it is to be a Black man out here. Nothing feels better than knowing that if no one else is thrilled by your presence, your woman is. For us, initiating isn’t just about sex. It’s about feeling wanted as a whole. And when we feel like our woman adores us, there is no greater turn-on.”
I’m not sure what y’all heard, but what it sounds like to me is when we, as women, initiate sex, men feel holistically special and cherished. That makes sense, too, because if we were to put our feet in their shoes, we would probably say the same thing. That’s just one more reason to pull the “gender roles” out of this topic; men and women both want to feel like they are the best thing on the planet by their sex partners. And again, initiating helps us all to feel that way.
What Initiating Ultimately Does for Your Relationship As a Whole
Issa Rae Love GIF by Insecure on HBOGiphyPersonally, I can only imagine how much better sex would be for everyone (who is in a sexual relationship) if people simply initiated copulation whenever they wanted to have it. That way, everyone would feel desired — and what could possibly be wrong with that? Especially if both individuals factored in some of the definitions for initiated that I already shared. Just think about if you rushed home tonight because you read about something that you want to introduce to your man or there’s a fantasy that you have that you want to admit.
The mere conversations alone will help to bring the two of you closer together because, after all, deep intimacy is about minds, bodies, and spirits getting as close as possible…right? And so, yes, by initiating sex, it can bring more closeness and stability to the relationship as a whole.
And what if you initiate and your partner isn’t interested at the time? Or what if you’re shy about initiating due to having a fear of rejection? That’s a fair and legitimate concern. One day, I’ll need to pen an article on how couples should handle situations like that with grace (on both ends) while applying the golden rule of “doing unto others as you would have them do unto you.” For now, I’ll just say that if this is your greatest point of concern, share that with your partner as well.
After all, it’s pretty unrealistic to expect them to always want it when you do (although it’s been my experience and observation that men are almost always far easier to convince…LOL); just know that not wanting sex at the exact moment that you do doesn’t mean that they don’t want you altogether. Besides, oftentimes, a nap or a night of sleep can rectify that issue. Trust me.
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Rihanna was actually once quoted as saying, “To me, sex is power. It’s empowering to do it because you want to do it.” I personally think that’s a great way to bring this to a close. Make your partner feel wonderful, empower yourself, and strengthen your relationship by initiating sex more often. I can’t think of one reason why it’s not a wise move. Can you?
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Featured image by Jacob Wackerhausen/Getty Images