
There is no denying that a new norm of inclusiveness and diversity within the beauty business has emerged over the past few years. As a result, several businesses have been making an effort to differentiate from the competition by asserting that they are the best for both customers and the environment. However, it has been shown that many are lying about their sustainability initiatives, the ingredients in their products, and the care they take in manufacturing their items.
So, to ensure you pick the clean beauty brands that are ideal for you, here are 10 Black-owned clean beauty companies that you should be aware of. That way, you can be confident that your beauty brand of choice was developed with you and your world in mind.
Skincare: hanahana beauty
For ladies who are concerned about how they treat their skin and the origins of the ingredients in their skincare products, hanahana beauty is a clean beauty line for you. Hanahana Beauty (stylized as hanahana beauty) was established by Abena Boamah-Acheampong with the intention of upending the international beauty industry, which is notorious for using substances that are oftentimes difficult to understand, to create products that are accessible, sustainable, transparent, and more humane.
This clean beauty company creates products that give women, especially women of color, a smooth and confident feeling in their own skin using raw shea butter and natural oils that are directly imported from Ghana. Over the last six years, the brand has dedicated itself to improving the economic, environmental, and self-sustainability of women who work in the Shea trade in ways that prioritize the health of our skin and the environment by using products that are clean, ethically sourced, fairly created, and never tested on animals.
Unquestionably beneficial for the body, mind, and spirit, hanahana beauty is a wellness brand worth every cent.
Top Products: Amber Vanilla Shea Body Butter, Lavender Vanilla Shea Body Butter, Shea Lip Balm, and more.
Cosmetics: Plain Jane Beauty
Everyone should have access to secure, efficient skincare and body care products, according to the founders of the eco-friendly color cosmetics business Plain Jane Beauty. With products free of synthetic fragrances, artificial colors, and dangerous preservatives, Plain Jane Beauty employs tried-and-true ingredients and fully discloses them. Why? Well, simple: the brand believes that fresh ingredients feel better and uses this belief as its brand's guiding principle.
PBJ, which takes inspiration from the vibrant colors of nature, mixes sustainability and beauty with ethical and aesthetic ideals to provide people the tools they need to look well and do well without sacrificing their feelings of well-being or attractiveness. Plain Jane Beauty is committed to making luxurious, high-performing cosmetics with nutritious, vegan-based formulae, which will inevitably make you feel appreciated and cared for.
Top Products: Creme Minerals Natural and Organic Foundation, Creme Minerals Foundation Stick, and more.
Skincare: 54 Thrones
You might recognize 54 Thrones from a Season 13 episode of Shark Tank. During the episode, founder Christina Tegbeis presented a compelling argument and fantastic branding, and after showing why they were a brand worth investing in, ultimately landed two sharks for a deal of $250K. For the past eight years, Tegbeis has partnered with passionate craftsmen who handcraft the rich components that make up the brand in an effort to showcase the beauty and authenticity of an Africa that is often overlooked. The brand 54 Thrones, which is an acronym for the 54 nations that make up Africa, collaborates with local cooperatives to develop natural cosmetics while supporting “trade over aid.”
In order to create clean yet opulent skincare products that sustainably honor the rich natural resources of Africa and the genuine beauty rituals that have been passed down from generation to generation, 54 Thrones offers award-winning African Beauty Butters, Glow Body Oil, and Moroccan Body Masks that are just right for any consumer.
Top Products: African Beauty Butters, Barrier Repair Cloud Cream, Alata Samina: Black Soap Detox Bar, and more.
Wellness and Supplements: Peak and Valley
The brand Peak and Valley was established in 2015 as a result of creator and neuroscience researcher Nadine Joseph's search for natural remedies to relieve her chronic stress. After months of looking for a remedy, Joseph finally found the botanicals she needed to maintain her skin, mental and emotional wellness. However, in the process of obtaining the proper herbs, Joseph also learned that the herbal trade wasn't as dependable as she originally believed. Like the other creators on this list, Joseph demanded to know where the materials originated from and if they were manufactured with sustainability in mind. When her questions could not be answered, she traveled worldwide to source the herbs herself. Thus, Peak and Valley was born.
Peak and Valley believe that supplement production should safeguard the well-being of all individuals who consume and produce their products. Therefore, Peak and Valley manufactures products with the intention of developing a better herbal trade, one with transparent sourcing, undeniably high-quality ingredients, and science-backed knowledge. It offers herbal supplements designed to improve sleep, reduce stress, care for the skin, and nourish the brain. As a clean wellness brand, Peak and Valley’s mission is to foster relationships directly with the growers of the herbs and the customer who consumes them.
Top Products: Restore My Sleep Adaptogen Capsules, Nourish My Brain Adaptogen Capsules, Balance My Stress Adaptogen Capsules, and more.
Hair Care: Donna's Recipe
Oh, Tabitha, Tabitha, Tabitha. I’d buy anything she’d make, especially if she mentioned it over a 30-second Instagram post, with her Southern drawl, and with little to no information provided. Why? Cause that’s my business. But just in case you want to make her business your business, too, let me explain why you should. Donna's Recipe, established by Tabitha Brown and Gina Woods and titled after Tabitha's Hair, became live in January 2021. Together, they set out with the goal of providing only pure, vegan, premium products for a reliable hair care regimen. The entire product line is made up of nutrient-rich, pure, vegan components that perform well for all hair types to create and maintain natural, healthy hair.
This product, which has only been available for two years, has been hailed for its sustainability, accessibility, and affordability in several reviews and was voted the Black-Owned Beauty Brand of the Year by Ulta Beauty. It has been credited for promoting the growth of healthier hair, hydrating the driest hair, and fortifying the weakest root systems. The mixture created by Ms. Tabitha and Woods could be just what you're looking for, especially if you're looking for a clean haircare line that at last takes your demands into consideration.
Top Products: Strength Hair Oil, Sweet Potato Pie Extra Creamy Moisturizing Shampoo, Sweet Potato Pie Extra Creamy Moisturizing Conditioner, and more.
Cosmetics: The Lip Bar
CEO Melissa Butler, a self-proclaimed Shark Tank reject, channeled her ire at the intrusive one-size-fits-all beauty industry into action by abandoning the lucrative but dreary corporate ladder and turning to her Brooklyn kitchen to make vibrant vegan lipstick. Melissa's unwavering will was further fueled by her Shark Tank rejection, which motivated her to regain control of her own aspirations. She extended The Lip Bar beyond lipstick to become TLB: a top-selling, universally useful beauty necessity. The Lip Bar is entirely vegan, cruelty-free, and made with non-toxic products for non-toxic people with a focus on sustainability.
Top Products: Nonstop Liquid Matte, Just A Tint 3-In-1 Tinted Skin Moisturizer, Fresh Glow 2-In-1 Powder Bronzer + Blush Duo, and more.
Hair Care: Melanin Haircare
Whitney White can be found on Instagram with the alias Naptural85. But you must spend some time watching her YouTube channel to properly understand where she has come from. White was one of the original content producers on YouTube who spent her time making videos that expressed her enthusiasm for natural and helpful hair products. She also shared the recipes and routines she used on her own luscious, natural hair. Years later, Whitney White and her sister Taffeta White have developed Melanin Haircare, a range of natural, non-toxic hair products. Melanin Haircare was established in 2015 with a love for providing the community it serves with high-quality products, distinctive lifestyle options, and natural, non-toxic ingredients for healthy hair and scalp care.
High-quality, all-natural, and non-toxic ingredients are the main emphasis of Melanin Haircare, which is carefully chosen to ensure shelf life and performance improvement. To ensure that they continue to be non-toxic, all of their constituents have been assessed by the Environmental Working Group (EWG) of the United States, which makes this a clean brand worth trying. For the greater part of four years, I have used this product, and I have enjoyed seeing my hair go from a dry, brittle mess to a moisturized masterpiece. This cosmetic brand has never let me down, whether my hair was soaring in its fro or loc'd like it is now.
Top Products: African Black Soap Reviving Shampoo, Multi-Use Softening Leave In Conditioner, Multi-Use Pure Oil Blend, and more.Body Care: OUI the People
Do you ever wonder: Where do all the plastic razors go? Well, it is estimated that two billion plastic razors end up in landfills every year, and the personal care industry is one of the largest waste producers. Eh, right? Right. Well, to guarantee that recycling is unavoidable, OUI the People's goal is to deliberately design the packaging for all of their products. Their single-blade razor provides a robust and environmentally friendly alternative to disposable plastic razors since it is made from stainless steel, which is the most recyclable substance on Earth.
Not only that, but several of their other goods, like their body gloss, are created with glass bottles, which are generally made from harmless basic materials and can be recycled or "upcycled." They never settle for anything less than the finest, and each product is designed with the needs of the customer in mind. Their products are devoid of the typical suspects (parabens, synthetic perfumes, phthalates, and animal testing), and their ingredients have been selected for their effectiveness. This beauty brand can be for you if you want body care that is eco-friendly and can get rid of dry skin, hyperpigmentation, hair, and landfill debris.
Top Products: Resurfacing Body Serum, Shave Starter Set, Hydrating Body Gloss, and more.
Skincare: Hyper Skin
Because Desiree Verdejo loved skincare but believed that women of color were underrepresented in the skincare industry, she founded Hyper Skin. As a result, the beauty product line Hyper Skin was created to finally include people with dark skin in conversations about beauty. Hyper Skin recognizes that real skin has texture and dark spots and uses solutions that are highly suited to their needs while still being effective on all skin tones.
The discontent with today's skincare products led to the creation of Hyper Skin formulas, a modern clinical brand with clean, efficient clinical ingredients and strong natural botanicals. With Hyper Skin, give your dark spots the boot and appreciate your new shine.
Top Products: Hyper Even Brightening Dark Spot Vitamin C Serum, Hyper Even Fade and Glow AHA Mask, and more.
Skincare: ROSEN Skincare
Jamika Martin made the decision to revolutionize the acne treatment market after having skin issues and using inferior skincare products. ROSEN Skincare, her business, creates affordable, healthy solutions that effectively treat acne. From cleansers to masks, ROSEN Skincare has a wide selection of cutting-edge and fun products to enhance your routine. In order to concentrate on the prevention and restoration of hyperpigmentation and breakouts in the acne industry, according to Rosen, their regimens use clean ingredients.
Rosen argues that traditional acne treatments have frequently disregarded the issues and skin types of people with varied skin types, and their out to ensure that doesn't happen, again.
Top Products: Earth Cleanser, Super Smoothie Cleanser, Tropics Toner, and more.
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Your December 2025 Monthly Horoscopes Are All About Surrender & Alignment
December is about letting go. We end the year with the need for more peace, reflection, and rejuvenation, and that is exactly what December is providing for us. The Sun is in Sagittarius, and anything is possible. This is the month to believe in that and to know that the universe is supporting you. With a Supermoon in Gemini as we begin the month as well, we have an opportunity to gain the closure we have been looking for this year and to wrap up old projects, ideas, and communication breakthroughs.
This is the month to make your peace the priority and let go of trying to control the way the tides are turning. Trust in your new beginning, and give yourself time to prepare for it this month.
A big part of the clarity that is coming through this month is due to Neptune going direct in Pisces on December 10, after being retrograde here since July. With Neptune now direct, we are able to see our inspiration and creativity a little more clearly, providing the perfect energy for dreams and manifestation to be built upon. The smoke is clearing, and it’s up to you to decide what you want to do with this newfound clarity that this transit is bringing. Mercury also moves back into Sagittarius on December 11, which is great for communication and clarity, and the adventures you were trying to see through at the beginning of November come around for you again with greater purpose and support.
On December 15, Mars enters Capricorn until the end of January 2026, and this is the extra push we need to make important changes and to be on the path towards greater abundance, stability, and prosperity. Mars in Capricorn takes care of business, and we have extra energy at our disposal during this time to do so. This transit is an ideal time to focus on your career or financial goals for next year and to start putting some of these plans into motion now. A few days later, we have the New Moon of the month, which will be in Sagittarius on December 19, and this is the perfect New Moon to manifest.
The energy is high, magic is in the air, and it’s all about moving forward with the new beginnings that are inspiring you and bringing you joy to think about right now.
Capricorn Season officially begins on December 21, and this earth sign energy is how we heal, gain closure, and build new foundations in our world. With Venus also moving into a Capricorn a few days later, there is something about peace, prosperity, and security that we are gaining in life and in love as we close out the year, and this is what we need right now. This month is about reflecting on what was, letting go of old hurt, and renewing. December is an ending and a new beginning in one, and there is magic in this space to be created.
Read for your sun and rising sign below to see what December 2025 has in store for you.
AriesKyra Jay for xoNecoleARIES
December is a full-circle moment for you, Aries. You are seeing the gifts in your world and have a lot of gratitude for the way things have come about for you as of late. There are culminations in your world that are providing you with more abundance, stability, and community, and you are exactly where you are meant to be this month. With the Sun in a fellow fire sign and in your 9th house of travel for most of the month, December is a good time to get out of your comfort zone, explore the world around you, and get your body moving.
Mars, your ruling planet, also makes a change and moves into Capricorn on December 15, which will fuel your inspiration and power in your career space. You are making a lot of professional progress as we close out the year; however, make sure to be more mindful of your competitive drive right now. The New Moon on December 19 is the perfect opportunity for you to create some new plans and goals when it comes to traveling, education, and where you want to gain some new inspiration in your world. Overall, this is a month of things coming together for you serendipitously.
TaurusKyra Jay for xoNecoleTAURUS
December is about trusting your intuition, Taurus. You have a lot on your mind this month, and it’s best to delegate, communicate, and allow yourself some relief by opening up to someone and not feeling like you have to hold everything in. As we begin the month, we have a Supermoon in Gemini happening in your house of income, and the plans and projects you have been building here come to fruition for you now. This is the time to gain clarity on your financial world and to take a look at what spending habits you want to let go of here as well.
With Venus in your 8th house of shared resources for most of the month, you are doing a cleanse on your commitments, partnerships, and business ventures. You are taking a look at what you want to dedicate yourself to in the future, and what commitments you may need to let go of now in order to be in the space you truly want to be, both financially and within some of your relationship dynamics. Before we end the month, we have a New Moon in this same area of your chart, and it’s time to look at the opportunities that are presenting themselves and to trust your internal guidance system to lead you forward.
GeminiKyra Jay for xoNecoleGEMINI
You are moving forward fearlessly this month, Gemini. December is your month of love, passion, and dignity, and you are owning the light that you shine. We begin the month with the last Supermoon of the year, happening in your sign, and you are stepping up to the plate. You are showing up, owning how much you have grown this year, and allowing yourself to heal while also acknowledging that you have done your best and you deserve to have fun in the midst of the changes you are creating.
Mercury, your ruling planet, is officially out of retrograde, and you can use this energy to the fullest potential now. With Mercury in your 7th house of love, it’s time to speak from the heart and to talk about the things that matter and that are inspiring you right now to your loved ones. You never know what kind of epiphanies you may have when you open up the conversation to others. Before the month ends, you have a New Moon in this same love area of your chart, and this New Moon is all about manifesting romance, commitment, and abundance in your world.
CancerKyra Jay for xoNecoleCANCER
December is an opening for more love, more joy, and more freedom in your life, Cancer. You have come to a place where you hold so much gratitude in your heart for where you are today and where your heart is shining, and things come together for you with more ease right now. With the Sun in your 6th house of health, work, and daily routines for most of the month, you are getting your ducks in a row while also putting more energy and effort into taking care of yourself, your priorities, and your well-being. This month surprises you in many ways, and it’s because you are showing up.
Mars and Venus both move into your house of love, relationships, marriage, and abundance this month, and you are making strides in your love life. You have both of these opposing forces on your side and are being recognized for the love you are while also receiving the love you want. This month, overall, is about focusing more on the positives in your world and letting your heart have its joy. Before December comes to an end, there is a New Moon in Sagittarius, and this is the perfect opportunity to create the plans you want to see through next year, especially when it comes to your work life, colleagues, business ventures, and health.
LeoKyra Jay for xoNecoleLEO
The scales of karma are balancing, and they are balancing in your favor this month, Leo. December is your month of truth, and of seeing it clearly in your world. The Sun is in your house of romance, pleasure, and happiness for most of the month, and it’s time to relax, be in the present moment, and allow what is meant to be, to be. With a Supermoon in your 11th house of manifestation as December begins, this is a powerful month for seeing your dreams come to fruition, and for feeling like the intentions you have set this year are finally here for you now.
Mars also moves into your 6th house mid-month, and this is the perfect energy to have to move into the new year. You have extra energy at your disposal right now and are feeling fearless with what is possible for you and your daily routine. Before the month ends, we also have a New Moon in a fellow fire sign, Sagittarius, and this is a breakthrough moment for you and your heart. December, overall, wants to show you how loved and supported you are and will be doing so in magical, unexpected, and concrete ways.
VirgoKyra Jay for xoNecoleVIRGO
December is a month of victory, Virgo. You are showing up and experiencing some new successes in your world that move you forward on your path in life. With a Supermoon in your 10th house of career as we begin the month, the effort and intentions you have made this year come into full bloom, and you are being recognized for who you are and the good work you have done. This month is all about showing up and allowing yourself to be seen and loved, knowing that you deserve the support and opportunities you are receiving.
Mars moves into Capricorn on December 15, which brings the passion and excitement into your love life, hobbies, and little pleasures in life that light you up. You want to have fun this month and are going to be walking into the new year with this fearless, happy, and spontaneous energy within you. Before the month ends, Venus also enters Capricorn, and in this same area of your chart, you have a lot to look forward to and believe in right now. Overall, December wants you to be happy and will be doing everything possible to make that happen for you. This is your month to shine, Virgo.
LibraKyra Jay for xoNecoleLIBRA
December is a month of opportunity for you, Libra. New doors open, and you are financially making breakthroughs this month because of it. December begins with a Supermoon in your 9th house, and you are getting a clearer view of where you have been making strides in your life and how it has all brought you here to this present moment of freedom. This month is showing you what happens when you are fearless with your purpose and when you believe in yourself and what you are worthy of.
Moving further into December, Mars moves into your 4th house of home and family mid-month, and you are closing out the year in your safe spaces. You are spending more time with your loved ones and taking the time to quiet your mind and listen to what your heart has been telling you. Before the month ends, we have a New Moon in Sagittarius, happening in an area of your life that deals with communication. This is a great time for getting the answers you have been looking for and for feeling more clear-headed and confident about the decisions you are making as you move into the new year.
ScorpioKyra Jay for xoNecoleSCORPIO
Patience is a virtue this month, Scorpio. December is all about remaining patient and vigilant with what you are creating in your world, and knowing that the universe has your back. It’s time to be reminded of the power of hope, and this month is an opening to greater clarity in your life. There is a lot of energy in your financial zones right now, and this is providing you with new opportunities and new insight; however, the speed at which things come about for you may feel daunting. Keep your head up and eyes focused on what you want and know that you are more than worthy of receiving it.
With Mercury in your 2nd house of income this month, December is a good time to plant new seeds and to think about where you want to be financially a month from now or even a year. This month is asking you to think bigger and to think more long-term so that you can set the appropriate plans into motion now. We also have a New Moon in your house of income before the month ends, and this is when you will see more of your dreams come to fruition in this area of your life, and have more opportunities to build. Overall, December will be teaching you a lot, Scorpio.
SagittariusKyra Jay for xoNecoleSAGITTARIUS
Sagittarius Season is here, and there is a lot in store for you this month, Sag. December is all about what you are dedicating yourself to. It’s about setting your intentions and putting the work in to back up your dreams, and about getting things in order so that when the new beginnings come, you are ready for them. The Sun and Venus are in your sign for most of this month, and there are a lot of eyes on you right now. You have the potential to create a new beginning for yourself, and it’s time to invest in yourself, your love life, and your dreams.
Mercury moves into Sagittarius on December 11, and this is giving you another opportunity to see through some of the plans that you had initiated in November. Mercury was retrograde in your sign last month, and there may have been some disruptions to your vision and plans for the future, and now this energy is turning around for you. Before the month ends, we also have a New Moon in Sagittarius, and you are walking through new doors fearlessly. You are catching others by surprise by your growth this month, and you are thinking a lot about your purpose, future, and plans for the new year.
CapricornKyra Jay for xoNecoleCAPRICORN
December is all about the vision, Capricorn. You are moving through a lot of changes and transformations this month, yet they are giving you a chance at a new beginning in the process. You are focused more on the future and what goals you want to manifest for yourself right now, and are ready to let go of what hasn’t been working for you. With the Sun in your 12th house of closure for most of December, this is your time for healing, but remember, healing doesn’t have to be isolating or boring; you can thrive while you renew, and you are this month.
Mid-month, the excitement picks up for you, and you are feeling more energized than you have in a while. Mars moves into Capricorn until the end of January 2026, and you are being proactive with your goals, intentions, and passions. You are a force to be reckoned with this month, and you are making things happen for yourself with confidence. Capricorn Season officially begins on December 21 this year, and this is definitely speeding up your healing process. You are breaking free from what was, and with Venus also moving into Capricorn before the month ends, you are leaving this year in high spirits and with love opening a new door for you.
AquariusKyra Jay for xoNecoleAQUARIUS
December is all about community, creativity, and manifestation, Aquarius. This is the month to work together with others to help bring your dreams to life. You are in a space of inspiration, empowerment, and beauty, and are creating more of this energy around you and in your world. Look out for what support comes your way this month and know that you don’t have to do everything alone to succeed. With the Sun in your 11th house of manifestation and friendship, your intentions are coming to fruition, and it’s time to celebrate with the people you love and to own how far you have come this year.
On December 19, we have a New Moon in Sagittarius, lighting up your life in all of the best ways possible. This is your New Moon of freedom, victory, and magic, and you are seeing new beginnings appear that you were once just hoping for. Before the month comes to an end, Venus moves into your 12th house of closure, and after an active and successful month, you are ready to relax, heal, and give your heart some of the attention it has been asking for. You are moving into the new year with the need to release and renew what hasn’t been working in your relationships, and you are finally ready to.
PiscesKyra Jay for xoNecolePISCES
December is a big month for you, Pisces. You are making some huge accomplishments this month, and are feeling like everything you have been through this year has been worth it for these moments that are coming to fruition for you now. The Sun is in your 10th house of career and reputation for most of the month, and this is where a lot of your focus is right now. You are claiming your successes and putting yourself out there in ways that not only serve you, but that inspire others as well.
Neptune officially goes direct on December 10, after being retrograde in your sign since July, and you are finally seeing things a little more clearly. You are feeling renewed inspiration and passion in your life, and your intuition is your strongest asset right now. Before December comes to an end, we also have a New Moon in your 10th house of career, and what happens now not only changes things for you in the present, but it also opens new doors and what is possible for you in the new year as well. Overall, you are on top of your game this month and are owning the joy and empowerment you feel.
Featured image by Kyra Jay for xoNecole
Do You Expect Others To Read Your Mind? Here's The Problem With That.
Omniscience. If someone were to offer you $100 right this second for the definition of that word, could you immediately provide it? If you’re not sure, basically omniscience is about being able to know everything — and to those who believe in God, only he is given that honor. For those who believe in Satan? Not even he is omniscient (as much as he would like people to think otherwise).
Sometimes, it might feel that otherwise because some beings and even people are truly masterful when it comes to reading body language, observing patterns, and picking up on cues. Still, no matter how much it might seem like someone can read someone else’s mind, they can’t. It is literally impossible — and I will briefly expound on that in just a moment.
Oh, but there are plenty of people whose egos have them thinking that they can read someone else’s mind. Then there are others who have fantasies, which create unrealistic expectations that others in their lives actually should read their mind. And you know what — both of these things can cause unnecessary stress, drama, and trauma, if folks aren’t careful.
And that’s why I think it’s important that we unpack this a bit more. Because if you’re someone who thinks that if another person truly cares for you, they should be able to read your mind, it’s time to let that ridiculous yet semi-popular notion absolutely and completely go.
Here’s why.
It’s Scientifically Impossible for Someone to Read Your Mind
There are a couple of reasons why I am starting this off with R&B singer Avant. For one thing, I don’t think that he gets nearly enough flowers and secondly, clearly, this is a more-than-fitting song for today’s topic, wouldn’t you say? Because, lawd, there really is something that makes some of us feel all warm ‘n fuzzy about the mere thought of a man telling us that he is so in tuned with us that he can basically read our mind.
Hmph. Problem with that is, as I said in the intro, it is scientifically impossible (for us and for AI to do, praise the Lord!). And yet the fact that so many individuals think that they defy scientific data and research is oftentimes why there are so many breakdowns in communication — because if you run on assumption (that you can read someone’s mind) without clarification and confirmation, you can create issues that didn’t exist before you decided to fall for your own mind-reading theories.
Now to be fair, while science is still trying to figure out why we can’t read minds, what is sure is that we do have the capability to perceive the thoughts and actions of others if we’re willing to pay really close attention. However, do keep in mind that reading and perceiving are different. Reading? It’s about being able "to apprehend or interpret the meaning of" and "to anticipate, expect, or calculate by observation." Perceiving? It’s all about “to become aware of, know, or identify by means of the senses” and “to recognize, discern, envision, or understand.”
And already, do you see the differences? So much certainty comes with reading while perceiving is about humbling oneself (bookmark that) to not try to know everything but instead to try and understand what is transpiring. And since no one person (or their mind) is ever truly static, that is a huge part of the reason why believing that you can read someone’s mind — no matter how close you may be to them — is futile. You can change your mind on a dime. Others can do the same. Learning to perceive what is going on instead of assuming that you can “read” folks is far more beneficial.
Besides, you might be surprised by a particular demo who thinks that if you are truly who they need you to be, you will read their minds — and boy, once you know who they are, that may cure you of the whole “read your mind” ish…quick, fast and in a hurry.
The Expectation Is Oftentimes Rooted in Egomania
GiphyWhile doing a bit of research on this topic, I thought it was interesting that a particular type of person kept coming up. Can you guess which one? A NARCISSIST. What I kept noticing is a telling sign of a narcissistic individual is they expect others to read their mind.
I must admit that I was caught off guard by that at first because narcissists and their damn egos are so out of control (bookmark that) that it would seem like they would be more focused on acting like they know the thoughts of other people. Here’s the thing, though — the reason why narcissists want others to read their mind is because they want you to do things like guess what they want and need before they ask — and they want that to happen because they believe that they are so damn special that you should put in the extra blood, sweat and tears to figure it all out. Hmph. Now that tracks.
Another reason why narcissists want you to be able to read their mind is so they can manipulate and deflect. Meaning, if you say and do things based on what you thought they wanted you to, should everything crash and burn, they can dodge accountability and blame you for it. Hmm, does reading someone’s mind seem romantic and beautiful now? SMDH.
And again, all of this is tied to ego because, at the end of the day, mind-reading is a form of control and narcissists are definitely very controlling people. And honestly, mind-reading is as well because why do you even want to know someone’s private thoughts before they share them and, at the same time, why would you want someone to have that kind of power in your life either? “Eww” is what immediately comes to my mind. “Yuck” is what follows.
So, why is it that so many people think that it’s a good thing to have someone read their mind — I mean, the ones who don’t show narcissistic tendencies, that is? Good question.
5 Reasons Why Some People Wish Someone Would/Could Read Their Mind
GiphyOkay, so ego and pridefulness aside, what would be some other reasons why people think that it’s such a wonderful thing if someone who they are in some sort of intimate relationship with can read their mind.
1. They are caught up in Disney and rom-coms. One day, I am going to do an article on all of the ways that Disney and rom-coms have destroyed the reality of relationships. For now, I’ll just say that the scripted tales of both have caused a lot of people to think that if someone loves them, they should be able to read their mind. Nooo…if someone loves you, they should care to know what is on your mind. And that brings me to the second point.
2. They aren’t as good at communicating as they think. Are you a good communicator? One way to know if you are is you’re able to clearly articulate your wants and needs — because really, if you are able to do that, why should anyone even need to read your mind? Feel me? Let’s move on.
3. They want someone else to work harder at their relationships than they do. I say it in my sessions often — it’s beyond crazy to think that someone should work harder at figuring out what your wants, needs and expectations are than you are willing to express them. Hmph. It makes me think of a friend of mine who says that “should” is a dangerous word. What she means by that is saying that someone should do or not do something simply because YOU THINK that’s how it “should” go is a surefire way to stay disappointed and even be disillusioned. No, your man shouldn’t just know what you want every year for your birthday. Did you state it? If not, why aren’t you playing fair? Who has time for all of the guessing games and then getting penalized if they guess wrong? Stop it.
4. They think it’s the sign of a healthy relationship (it isn’t). Anyone who knows me knows that I am always and forever going to be Team Healthy over Team Happy and my reason why never changes. Only children expect to live in a world where they are happy all of the time — and yes, there are a lot of childish people out here. People who want their mind read? They tend to live in happy land. Meanwhile, a healthy relationship knows that clear communication, mutual respect, keen listening, patience and understanding that humans make mistakes are foundational to its success.
5. They are lazy. And yes y’all, some people want others to read their mind because they are lazy and it really is just as simple as that. Thing is, while they are being passive aggressive, dropping hints or giving the silent treatment so that you can figure out whatever it is that they…want you to figure out, that tends to take more effort than simply speaking up. Ridiculous, chile.
How to Let the Myth Go
GiphyGee, after reading all of this, suddenly reading minds just seems like a lot of silliness with a sprinkle of drama and potential trauma, doesn’t it? And it’s all because some people choose to treat something that is a myth like it’s a bona fide fact. SMDH.
And what if you happen to be one of those individuals? How do you break free? COMMUNICATE. Openly, clearly and maturely share what’s on your mind and heart because, the true tell of a solid relationship isn’t that someone can read your mind; it’s that they can retain what you’ve already stated.
Less reading. More perceiving. That’s the secret sauce.
And when you accept this for what it is, you will realize that it’s far better for you, your partner and your relationship to stop expecting the impossible and to accept what is actual: that learning your partner, as they strive to do the same thing with you, is better than you both assuming that you know what…maybe you do, maybe you don’t.
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Author Frank Sonnenberg once said, “People can’t hear what you don’t say. Thinking isn’t communicating” — and I think this is a perfect place to bring all of this to a close.
Find the kind of relationship(s) where intention is so strong that mind-reading isn’t even desired.
At the end of the day, it really is as simple as that.
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