Just like clockwork, I’m starting to see social media posts and television commercials about the fact that summer is almost over. I guess it’s because school is about to be back in session; however, the actual summer season couldn’t care less about that. What I mean is, no matter what year it is, summer technically does not roll into fall until sometime between September 21st-24th of every year. This year, it’s on the 23rd, which means we have several more weeks to learn more about what we can do to preserve our God-given beauty while the sun is still blazin’ and the days are still extra long.
And since a lot of us tend to lean into protective styles (especially with the kind of heat that this summer has been completely showing out with!), I thought it would be a smart move to offer up some tips on things that you can do to get the most out of your preferred protective style look until it gets into my favorite time of the year — autumn.
Personally, I think this is the ideal time to share these 15 suggestions…being that you’ve got about as long as a set of box braids should be in your hair before cooler weather comes around (some of y’all will catch that later). Timing is indeed everything, chile.
1. Cleanse Your Scalp
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Please, when you get a chance, check out “Treat Your Scalp To A Little Bit Of Detoxing This Weekend.” Between product build-up, sweat, and dead skin cells that are forever dropping, it’s amazing that a lot of us don’t experience more scalp itchiness and irritation than we already do. Not to mention the fact that many of us also don’t nourish our scalp enough, so we mistake dandruff for what is actually a dry scalp (also check out “Stop Scratching: The Differences Between Dandruff And Dry Scalp”).
Thanks to protective styles like box braids and hair twists, all of those parts in our hair tend to expose our scalp to the sun a lot more than usual. Thoroughly cleansing your scalp with a scalp scrub on wash day, carrying a spritz to treat the scalp in between wash times (more on that in a bit), and also adding some plum oil to pamper your scalp (plum oil is everything, y’all — great for soothing the scalp after chemically processing it and restoring dry and brittle ends) will make all of the difference in the world.
2. Use a Clarifying Shampoo
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Speaking of sweat and build-up, although you shouldn’t apply this tip every time that you shampoo your hair, definitely use a clarifying shampoo after taking a protective style down (especially if it’s been up for 6-8 weeks straight). A lot of gunk can collect in your hair when you haven’t been doing much (to your hair) other than getting up and heading out for weeks on end. A clarifying shampoo is specifically designed to remove all of the stuff that isn’t good for your strands long-term. As far as shampoo brands go, Cosmopolitan did you a solid by offering some great suggestions: "23 Best Clarifying Shampoos for Curly Hair (Sulfate *and* Sulfate-Free).”
P.S. If you don’t want to try a clarifying shampoo, at least go with an apple cider rinse; it clarifies and conditions your hair basically at the same time. You can watch YouTube videos on the topic here, here, and here. Again, don’t use it ALL of the time (and definitely dilute it first) — just when you need to get your hair “extra clean.”
3. Apply Hair Products That Contain Sunscreen
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BLACK. PEOPLE. NEED. SUNSCREEN. HAIR. IS. INCLUDED. IN. THAT. Y’all, it can’t be said enough that having more melanin doesn’t mean that UV rays give a damn. In fact, the reason why a lot of us end up with hyperpigmentation and age spots is because we ignored this particular point. Besides, let’s not act like our scalp isn’t also made up of skin, so…there’s that. Also, even though the hair that hasn’t grown out of our head doesn’t have any living cells in it (which is why it doesn’t hurt whenever we cut it or use heat styling tools), UV rays do have the ability to damage your hair follicles, if you’re not careful. That’s why you should definitely be intentional about using hair products that have some sort of sunscreen in them around this time of the year. You can check out a list of some here, here, and here.
4. Wear “Light” Braiding/Twisting Hair
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Not all braiding and twisting hair are the same. Some brands are itchy as hell (YouTuber Seun Okimi has a bomb video on the backstory on that), while others are too heavy — and that can be annoying if you plan on doing some more swimming before the summer season is up. So, definitely ask your braider to go with a lightweight kind of hair. If s/he doesn’t know what that means, that’s your first sign to go with someone else. And what if you plan on going the DIY route? Another Black beauty influencer who goes by the name EBONYJAY has a video entitled, “What is the best braiding hair to use? Tips for new braiders” that has some gems for ya.
5. Give Your Edge Control a Bit of a Break
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Once upon a time, someone (a Black woman) asked me in an interview about why I personally thought that we were so obsessed with baby hair: “Sometimes I wonder if it’s still a low-key obsession with wanting to come off like it’s a form of having what society deems as being ‘good hair’” was my response. Because while I do like realistic-looking baby hair as much as the next fly chick, at the same time, I do think that doing anything in excess, to where it can damage your edges and/or your nape, should be rethought — and when you’re using edge control that has a lot of alcohol in it (read those labels, y’all), that is exactly what is happening.
6. Add Color Via Extensions Only
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Here’s the deal: the tighter your curls are, the more challenging it’s gonna be for the natural oils that come from your scalp to coat all of your hair strands. In a nutshell, that’s why our hair tends to be so much drier than other ethnicities. And that’s why, whenever we choose to color-treat our hair (especially with the box brand stuff), it can wreak total havoc on our tresses as far as hair health goes.
Listen, I know this is the time of year when going big and bold is tempting; just try and go with colored hair extensions or, at the very least, demipermanent or semipermanent hair color options. Or hell, even color wax. No, they don’t last as long, yet they also don’t do the kind of drying-out damage that permanent color does; they’re specifically designed not to.
7. Go No More than Three Weeks Tops for Styles Without Extensions
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Halo braids (this hack here is dope). Bantu knots. Cornrows. Space buns. Flat twists. All of these are protective style looks that many of us can do with or without the help of extensions. And while they all are super cute/low manipulation styles, try not to get too comfortable in them by letting them sit in your hair for weeks at a time. It’s pretty standard for hairstylists to recommend that naturalistas wash their hair once a week or once every two weeks at the most; otherwise, build-up can occur. Plus, when you’ve got a protective style, going over three weeks could lead to hair matting when you’ve got scalp and hair sweat to contend with.
8. Wrap It Up Sometimes
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No one can rock a head/hair wrap quite like we can, and we all know it. So, on the days when you don’t feel like spending a lot of time on your hair or you’ve got an old wash ‘n go that you don’t have time to refresh, pull out a scarf (or pre-tied turban; Etsy sells quite a bit of those; just go to the site and put “pre-tied turban” in the search field) and wrap your hair up. Not only will you look beautiful, but a scarf or turban will also give your hair a break from the sun beating down on it and ultimately drying it out in the process.
9. Keep a DIY Spritz Handy
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Something that our hair always needs is moisture — especially in the hot summer sun. A spritz that I’ve come to be a big fan of is De La Cruz’s Lavender Water Body Mist. Because it has some glycerin in it, it acts as a humectant (something that naturally pulls moisture from the air), even on my hair. This is great when I have a protective style like braids or twists because it hydrates my scalp and adds moisture to my hair, even when it’s “tied up”; that way, I don’t have to work overtime while deep conditioning my locks (after taking out my protective style) due to how dry my strands are.
If you’d prefer to make your own hair spritz, that’s pretty easy to do as well. Some easy-to-make recipes are located here, here, and here.
10. Try a Lil' Bit of Swim Spray
Something that will definitely strip away some of the natural oils in your hair is chlorine. And since we’ve already touched on the fact that a lot of us have hair that is already dry, you don’t want to help chlorine out in any way. That’s why it can never hurt to have some of AquaGuard’s products (here) in your hair arsenal. They have a pre-swim product that is specifically designed to keep harsh chemicals from damaging your locks. And you know what they say — an ounce of prevention is always better than a pound of cure.
11. Moisturize and Oil Your Ends
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Depending on who you talk to, different people are gonna have different feelings about whether or not applying oil to Black hair is needed. Personally, I’m all about it because, so long as YouTube channels like the one by EfikZaraexist (check out “Looking For Hair Growth? It Might Be Time To Bring 'Blue Magic' Back”), I’m sold! The key is to use oil to lock in a hydrating conditioner that has been applied with the help of some water.
So, when it comes to making sure that the oldest parts of your hair remain in good condition (so that you’re able to retain length), a couple of times a week, dampen your ends, apply a leave-in conditioner and then apply a carrier oil like grapeseed (it has lots of vitamin E), jojoba (it contains properties that repair heat damage) or avocado (it is a natural sunscreen) to them. Doing this will strengthen your ends over time and help to prevent split ends and breakage.
12. Enjoy Lemonade and French Braids
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If you’re curious about what the biggest braid trends are for 2023, you can’t go wrong with lemonade braids — you know, the look that is braided in such a way to where your hair swoops over to one side. As someone who oftentimes will get some medium-sized box braids at some point during the summer season, I’ll tell you, off top, that one of the best things about lemonade braids is they will definitely reduce your time in a braider’s chair (which automatically makes them a win!). Matter of fact, if you’re daring (and patient) enough (and you already know how to braid), you can probably even install them yourself (check and see by watching this video, this video, and this video).
Or you can put a part down the middle and do a couple of French braids, which is one of my favorite go-to's. A look that I like a lot is having two braids going back on the sides with a big braid in the middle. I start the middle braid back far enough to where I can create a bit of a poof in the front so that it stands taller. It takes like 30 minutes to do (after creating the three parts) and can look casual or sophisticated, depending on what I decide to wear. Easy peasy, chile.
13. Don’t Keep “Extension Styles” in for More than Six Weeks Tops
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Listen, when I get my box braids, I’m in the chair for about six hours, paying around $200. Although the end results are always worth it, the process of taking those bad boys out alone is enough to make me want to keep them in for as long as possible. And while I’ve seen hair hacks featuring women who “double knot” their braids at the root — I’ll pass. I don’t want to run the risk of making it so difficult to take my braids down at some point that I damage my locks in the process. Besides, after six weeks (eight tops), the weight of the braids (or twists) can put a real strain on your edges, nape, and hair follicles overall. So yeah, a couple of months should be the absolute max. Also, give your hair a 2-3 week (or so) break before adding more extensions. Anything in excess can be counterproductive. Always remember that.
14. Trim Those Ends
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Although I’m not personally a believer that you need to trim your hair, without fail, every 4-6 weeks, what I do think is, around that time, you should (re)evaluate your ends to see if they are in good condition. For instance, I was revisiting what different kinds of split ends look like, and while I rarely end up with the “traditional ones” that split from the bottom, sometimes I do end up with fairy knots or the feather or incomplete split whenever I am too rough on my tresses (you can learn about the various ones here). However, instead of cutting off a couple of inches, I’ll switch up my styling routine or do a bit of dusting (only cutting the strands that appear to be in real trouble).
15. Sleep with a Humidifier
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I’m forever gonna recommend that people have a humidifier in their bedroom. For health reasons, check out “10 Really Good Reasons To Get Yourself A Humidifier This Fall.” As far as your hair goes, the 6-8 hours when you’re asleep, your strands still need moisture.
Having a humidifier can get them the hydration that they need. Not to mention the fact that if you’re someone who can’t seem to keep your scarf (or bonnet) on your head or your satin pillow on your bed as you’re tossing and turning throughout the night, a humidifier can help to keep your hair from drying out. Plus, if your hair is in a protected style that has extensions, it can keep those from drying your hair out as well.
So, if you don’t already own a humidifier, there’s no time like the present to invest in one. Your health will thank you. Your hair will too! Enjoy the rest of the summer, y’all.
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It's kinda wild that, in 2025, my byline will have appeared on this platform for (what?!) seven years. And yeah, when I'm not waxing poetic on here about sex, relationships and then...more sex and relationships, I am working as a certified marriage life coach, helping to birth babies (as a doula) or penning for other places (oftentimes under pen names).
As some of you know, something that I've been "threatening" to do for a few years now is write another book. Welp, October 2024 was the month that I "gave birth" to my third one: 'Inside of Me 2.0: My Story. With a 20-Year Lens'. It's fitting considering I hit a milestone during the same year.
Beyond that, Pumas and lip gloss are still my faves along with sweatshirts and tees that have a pro-Black message on them. I've also started really getting into big ass unique handbags and I'm always gonna have a signature scent that ain't nobody's business but my own.
As far as where to find me, I continue to be MIA on the social media front and I honestly don't know if that will ever change. Still, if you need to hit me up about something *that has nothing to do with pitching on the site (I'm gonna start ignoring those emails because...boundaries)*, hit me up at missnosipho@gmail.com. I'll do what I can. ;)
We have less than 40 days left in 2024, and while I'm not one to rush goals just because it's the end of the year, it can be fun to challenge yourself to think about ways you'll close out this year big.
Whether you're planning to meet a certain financial or fitness goal, or you're simply trying to maintain and build on the progress you made this year, having something to look forward to is always a good look. Setting actual goals, according to research, actually leads to more success than just playing things by ear. So here are a few to get you started, sis:
(Disclaimer: Not everything is for everyone, so do like my Granny always says: "Eat the meat. Spit out the bone." Take on five out of the 40 and focus on that for the remainder of the year, or do them all. Either way, this is just to get you started.)
40 Ways To End The Year Strong and Inspired
Money Moves
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1. Increase your retirement (or other savings/investment) contributions by 1%.
Experts have found that you could be leaving money on the table by not upping your contributions when you can.
2. Cancel two to five subscriptions.
You could be missing hundreds, even thousands, of dollars a year due to sneaky price hikes and "updates."
3. Create a "fun" in a high-yield savings account.
This is especially important if you struggle with the dreaded b-word (budget) and will make next year's efforts a lot less intimidating. Even if it's $10 a month, do it.
4. Put on your big-girl panties, and set up automatic transfers and payments for at least one bill.
It reduces the stress of managing bills, lessens the chance of a missed payment---and the fees that come with that---and there can be cost savings for doing so.
5. Invest in a cleaner or housekeeping service.
Bosses who value their time (and mental health) invest their dollars into areas where the time they'd spend doing those tasks themselves could be better used to focus on other money-making projects. (And yes, rest is part of that.) Get a housekeeper, sis, or drop off that laundry, even if it's once per month.
6. Donate to a charity.
Beyond the tax benefits, it's a win-win for the greater good of communities you care about.
7. Review your insurance policies and negotiate a better rate (or move on) before their end dates.
Experts often agree this is a small but mighty step to take each year, especially since insurance rates are competitive, you could be spending more money than you need to (or not enough) and your insurance rates can affect your mortgage payments.
8. Call your loan provider and refinance.
As interest rates fall, “millions of borrowers may be able to refinance and get more affordable payments. As interest rates eased down to 6.5%, about 2.5 million borrowers could already refinance and save at least 75 basis points (0.75%) on their interest rate,” the Consumer Financial Protection Bureau reports. You can also refinance student and other types of loans.
9. Stop buying individual items and stock up via going bulk.
Research has found that, among 30 common products, buying in bulk could save you 27% compared with buying in lower quantities. Water, paper products, and baby products like diapers, toiletries, and garbage bags are the top items where people see the most cost-effectiveness. (This has been a lifesaver for me—children, large family, or not—especially when it comes to toothpaste, deodorant, toilet paper, and feminine hygiene products, saving stress, time, and money.)
10. Go cash-only for the holidays.
If you set smart goals and stick to limits on things like gifts, going out to eat, or groceries, you'll see the benefits of this. Cash-stuffing is one method recommended, but something as simple as taking a $10 bill out for lunch, disabling that card for an hour, and leaving your card in a safe place at the office can give you that mindset jump start to see how far you can take your money without the need to splurge.
Love And Romance
11. Say "no."
There are clear mental and physical health benefits to saying no including the setting of healthy boundaries, creating time and energy for other self-care activities, and protecting yourself from physically harmful situations (i.e. unprotected sex or abuse). Just say it, clearly and simply, when you need to.
12. Set a fun, free, adults-only date night for once a week or twice a month with your spouse.
If busy, high-profile folk have touted the success of this, even you can make the time for quality time with your partner. And it's even better when it costs nothing. The best connections are made doing something chill, challenging, or outside the usual dinner-and-a-movie date. Play a game that allows you to reconnect, take a walk in your neighborhood to chat and laugh, or try a little erotic chocolate/edible liquid/paint episode a la Mea Culpa.
13. Go out with Mr. or Ms. "Not My Type."
I love my man, but if I were waiting out for my "type" at the time, we wouldn't be celebrating seven (going on eight) years together. Sometimes having strict, unrealistic expectations for a spouse (especially related to things like height, physical features, or career path) is what's keeping you alone and lonely.
Take the pressure off and explore all your options. I'm not telling you to stop popping the balloon on the guy who earns $20,000 less than you if that's a hard no that Jesus himself told you to skip. I'm asking you to explore other options and see what else God might have out there for your love journey.
14. Immediately apologize and pray together.
I've learned that always being "right" isn't always ideal when you truly care about someone and you're in a relationship for the long haul. Defaulting to an apology when necessary, even when things aren't 100% resolved, is a good way to prioritize peace and save your energy for more worthwhile battles. Research has even supported the benefits of apologies in relationships, and how couples married for five or more years do it often.
15. Get a Rose and discover true self-love.
Do I really have to explain this? You've gotta know what satisfies you, and how better to figure that out than to practice self-love in the bed by yourself? You can also try this with a partner, but as a woman who got on this train very much later in my sexual activity journey. I have a lot more learning to do on my own, and even in a satisfying relationship, I like to find out new things about myself, by myself.
Figure out what you're into, watch what you want to watch, and read what you want to read to define pleasure for yourself. There's a freedom and empowering element there especially if you're used to prioritizing pleasing your partner.
16. Be direct and have the "money talk" with bae.
Money issues are one of the leading causes of divorce, so you need to have those conversations before you even think about marrying someone. And true, nobody can predict the future so you won't be able to avoid some challenges altogether, however, talking with your potential spouse about how they view money, their spending habits, and the pain points in terms of their approach to money management can at least give you a glimpse into what's in store if you do walk down the aisle, move in with them, or decide to share a bank account/business/child with them.
17. Invest in the "paid" version of that dating app.
I know plenty of successful, married folk who did this and met "the one" as a result. Let's be honest: The free version is for playing around. I had a lot of fun with my "free" profile back in the day, trust me. Upgrade that photo, profile, and package, and see if the quality of your dating adventures changes when you're serious about finding a true partner. Dating coaches and matchmakers cosign this.
18. Solo travel to meet that long-distance connection.
Sometimes, your perfect match isn't within 100 miles of you, and that's okay. Make it an adventure, enjoy the memories, and book that ticket. I met my man this way and it's been a whirlwind escape ever since. If you're not comfortable traveling solo, travel or (network to plan travel) with a group via Facebook.
Career And Business
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19. Schedule coffee or virtual meetups with smart people from your graduating class, previous employer, or current employer.
I have gotten many freelance opportunities by doing this. It's as simple as connecting and offering value (or simply learning how you can better equip yourself to do so.) It's also a great way to expand your network, spark new friendships, or find out about new job opportunities.
20. Invest in a well-made suit.
I don't care what industry you're in, a suit says "power," and it's not as old-school or out-of-style as you'd think. Plus the whole experience of looking for a new one (or getting one tailored) is fun and affirming. Try these options. I swear, anytime I wear a blazer, I'm treated like a celebrity or boss, especially when traveling. I was once upgraded to first-class wearing a yellow blazer outfit, and the airline professional literally said, "You look like somebody important. Here you go."
21. Volunteer for a worthwhile project or cause that's important to your company.
If you're overworked and underappreciated, skip this one, but if you truly have the time, love what you do, and want to advance, this move is clutch. Volunteering for extra projects got me where I am today in media because I had foresight, and knew that was the only way at the time to leverage relationships, and I was able to challenge myself to learn skills that 20 years later are still bankable. That VP you can't get a meeting with will be at that gala your company is planning, so join that committee, sis.
22. Write down why you deserve a raise and ask for it in your next one-on-one.
Gather those receipts (ie sales increase numbers, KPIs met, deals closed, people acquired via recruitment, the impact of systems updates, or other tangible success metrics) and ask for that raise before the first or second-quarter budgets are being finalized.
23. Instead of quitting, write down your exit plan.
While revenge quitting is set to be a thing next year (and maybe you're among those who will be leading the trend), try the better boss move and quit with a real plan.
24. Start automatically separating that estimated self-employed quarterly tax estimate.
If you have side hustles (or you're collecting 1099 income,) baby, you do not want to neglect those quarter tax payments. Talk to a professional, do your research, and set up automatic transfers to an account specifically for paying these at the appropriate due dates.
25. Sign up for a free one- to 11-week course related to your industry—or the industry you want to be in next year.
Institutions like Harvard University and platforms like Coursera offer free courses that can enhance your skills. You can also invest in certificate courses with accredited colleges as well as tech training.
26. Hit "Easy Apply" for 10 dream jobs listed on LinkedIn.
While you shouldn't solely rely on this when actively job-seeking, using this convenient LinkedIn option is a great way to get into the habit of applying for positions. And if you're already employed, you should still be "dating" other employers if you're looking to make a move in the next six months. Keep your interview skills sharp, practice toughening up for the "nos," and get a bit of an ego boost in the process.
Self-Care And Wellness
27. Pre-schedule three month's worth of massages.
Oftentimes this is cost-effective since some spas offer deals for multiple bookings. Also, it makes an act of self-care deliberate and important, not an option. When you get that reminder call, you'll know it's real.
28. Fire that therapist and try another one.
Cultural competency in mental health support is one major problem that can hinder Black women from even bothering with therapy. And who wants the added stress of spending multiple, paid sessions explaining why something is a microaggression? Cut the cord and move on to try someone else, either via a Black women therapists channel or recommendations from others.
29. Join a small group at church.
Bedside service ain't gonna cut it and neither is going to the usual Sunday service. Join a smaller group and upgrade your efforts to connect, network, and elevate spiritually. Even if virtually, take a step to dig a bit deeper with more targeted Bible study and discussions.
30. Say no, even to loved ones.
This is on here twice, for a reason. Saying no is the simplest, most powerful micro-action you can take today to make 2025 better. No explanations. No guilt. Say no.
31. Choose one "luxury" beauty product for skincare and stick to it.
This was trending big on social, especially for millennials hitting their 40s. There's just something so freeing about not giving in to every trend and sticking to the basics that work, especially when there are quality, healthy ingredients involved. Put those orders on auto-renew.
32. Sign up for a new sport or fitness class just for fun, not for results.
It's great to be on a weight-loss or weight-lifting journey, but try something just for the fun of it. Switch things up with a couple of these fitness activities.
33. Book a staycation.
Leave the passport at home and explore a nearby community or another town in your state. There's so much enrichment in your own backyard right here in the U.S., and you don't even have to break the bank.
34. Pre-schedule your mammograms, Pap smear, and peri-menopause checkups for next year.
Take control of your health by pre-scheduling essential appointments like mammograms, Pap smears, and peri-menopause check-ups for 2025. Prioritizing these screenings early ensures you stay on top of your wellness and make time for self-care in the new year.
35. Cut off support of beauty and wellness professionals whose customer service is below standard.
This is another one that many Black women have been vocal about—from unrealistic pre-appointment requirements, to booking fees, to long waits, to unsavory in-salon experiences. Spot the red flags early, and just stop accommodating foolishness. Support salons or experienced stylists who are kind, have proper systems in place and value your time.
36. Schedule five to 10-minute moments of silence on your calendar.
Again, wellness is not optional, and if it's not on my calendar, it's not official. Sit quietly. Pray. Meditate. Or do nothing. The benefits of silent moments are almost endless.
37. Download a meditation app.
If you've found that meditation is difficult to schedule or to even start, an app can help. Try this, this, or this one, and take that step to embrace something new to enhance your wellness routine. If you're tired of downloading apps, create a playlist for meditation via Amazon Music or Spotify and schedule a reminder to do it once a day or week.
38. Invest in a healthy meal prep or delivery service.
Time is emotionally expensive, so save as much of it as possible. Getting into meal prep to keep to your goals is a great way to save time, stress, and effort. The health benefits of meal prepping have also been proven via research.
39. Create a positive playlist on Spotify, Amazon Music, YouTube, or other streaming platform.
It can be podcasts, music, affirmations, or somatic sounds. It's a game-changer. You can even set an alarm to wake you up to start your day with the positive playlist. Not into creating your own? There are plenty to choose from with a quick search.
40. Set up reminders for Alexa (Siri or other AI) to remind you, "You are loved," and "You are okay."
This simple effort can boost your endorphins and remind you that you're indeed, not alone, and you will be okay, regardless. To set mine up, I simply commanded, "Alexa, remind me everyday 'Jesus loves me,'" and like clockwork she does. She almost scared the ish out of me one day when I'd forgotten the reminder was active, but it was the reminder I needed when anxiety had gotten the best of me that week.
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10 Unforgettable Black Film & TV Sex Scenes That Brought The Heat
What makes a sex scene great? Personally, I think it comes down to a combination of things. It’s in the details - the close-ups of skin, eye contact, touch. It’s in the sounds, the dialogue, the chemistry, the location, the context, the taboo, and everything in between.
While the movies and shows on this list vary in genre and style, they all have toe-curling elements that make them truly mind-blowing.
1. Love & Basketball
Now, Love & Basketballis a universally memorable movie in the Black community in its own right, but that sex scene was almost revolutionary. The raw, realistic portrayal of Monica’s first time as she loses her virginity to her childhood soulmate Quincy was an important moment for young Black women everywhere. For a scene that had no on-screen nudity, the chemistry between the characters was enough to have us all feeling a little hot under the collar!
2. Set It Off
This 1996 sex scene between Blair Underwood and Jada Pinkett-Smith’s characters Keith and Stony had all the elements that take a sex scene from good to great. And let’s not let the fact that Jada used a body double take away from how iconic this scene is. Attractive actors, focused foreplay, close-ups, tension-building music (shout out En Vogue!), and chemistry for days. When I rewatched this movie recently and noticed the way Keith moved his chain out of the way (IYKYK), I yelled! Those little details set this sex scene apart.
3. Out of Time
Denzel Washington has been fine his whole life. He’s intergenerational fine. And when this movie came out he was in his PRIME, okay?! The chemistry between Denzel and Sanaa Lathan in Out of Time is undeniable. So much so that when the movie came out, rumors began to circulate that the actors were romantically involved. And if you’ve seen the movie, I’m sure you’re not surprised.
The icing on the cake for me was that roleplay scene (peep the video above). You know, the one where Matthias pretends to be investigating a crime and Ann talks him through what the “intruder” did to her and he reenacts it? Turns out WE were the ones intruding on a crime - assault with a deadly weapon, if you will.
4. Scandal
Thursdays haven’t been the same since ABC’s TGIT. Shonda Rhimes was in her bag when she gave us back-to-back episodes of Grey’s Anatomy, Scandal, AND How To Get Away With Murder. Lives were changed. Aside from nail-biting drama and salacious storylines, Shonda also consistently gave us an array of dangerously attractive characters and sexual tension so thick you could cut it with a knife.
I’ll forever be team #Olitz. Their steamy sex sessions were made even hotter because their relationship was taboo, scandalous, even.
Adultery aside, Olivia and Fitz’s sexy time scenes never left anything to be desired. Interestingly, my favorite Olitz sex scene is their very first time. After six episodes of build-up, they finally did the deed and alleviated all the sexual tension we’d all been feeling. I think we all developed a new level of respect for Fitz when he ordered Olivia to take her clothes off, and she did not disappoint because she served bawdy in that white lingerie (I see what you did there, Shonda). Olivia served at the pleasure of the President, and so did we. For all 6 seasons.
5. Bridgerton
Dearest Gentle Reader, this couple certainly set the Ton abuzz in Bridgerton season one. For a Duke who was once lost for words, the cat’s certainly no longer in possession of his tongue. And luckily, it seems the Duchess is more physical touch than words of affirmation.
The Hastings basked in newlywed bliss all over their new abode and that library ladder scene - you know the one - took the couple’s sex life to new heights. What made this scene with Simon going down on Daphne while she’s suspended on a ladder so incredibly hot is how it centered *female* pleasure. He a good man, Savannah!
6. Insecure
One thing we could always expect from Issa Rae and Larry Wilmore’s hit series - a jaw-dropping sex scene. What I loved about Insecure’s sex scenes is that they’re not only seriously hot, but alsoVERY relatable. From that incident with Daniel, to Issa and Lawrence’s freshly-broken-up-unfinished-business ex-sex.
The one that tops my list has got to be when Issa and Nathan joined their own version of the Mile High Club on the Ferris wheel at Coachella. Cinematically, the scene was gorgeous but it also felt truly organic, like it was the perfect first time for them. I feel like we all collectively exhaled because she finally chose a man we could actually root for. You know what that is? Growth.
Honorable mention: the we’ve-finally-reunited couch sex Lawrence and Issa have when they finally get back together.
7. Power
From gunplay to foreplay, Power held nothing back. Every sex scene was spicy in its own way from Tate and his staffer, to the pilot episode Ghost and Tasha, to Tommy and Keisha. So many to choose from! The one that stands out in my mind is when Ghost and Angela get it on against the window of his hotel room overlooking the New York cityscape. Their chemistry was undeniable and the yearning was palpable in every single one of their sex scenes. Now, that’s acting!
8. Love Jones
WhenLove Jones premiered in 1997, a Black romance about a couple of creatives living and loving in the city was unprecedented. Between the novelty of the story and the charming dynamic between Darius and Nina, Love Jones quickly became a cultural classic. And even with the plethora of Black stories that have since graced our screens, Love Jones is a movie the conversation always comes back to. I mean, with bars like “I’m the blues in your left thigh trying to become the funk in your right”? Yeah, I would’ve folded.
Nina and Darius having sex on the first date felt bold and spontaneous, but that’s only part of why that scene was so steamy. Music can make or break a moment on-screen - sex or otherwise - and Maxwell’s "Sumthin’ Sumthin’" playing in the background made it feel like they were truly making love. Romance is sexy too, right?
9. Queen & Slim
Finally, on-screen car sex that actually looks enjoyable! It’s a beautifully shot scene with long, slow closeups of the characters making intense eye contact (IYKYK!). And the passion between the two actors is so realistic that some people even questioned if the scene was real! The buildup that led to this spontaneous daylight, on-the-run hookup made it even sexier. 10/10, no notes.
For so long, we’ve been starved of seeing positive Black female sexuality on screen and the She’s Gotta Have It remake helped to change that. DeWanda Wise absolutely killed it in the Spike Lee remake as Nola Darling, a polyamorous pansexual woman living her best sexually liberated life, boldly approaching relationships in a way we usually see as taboo. Men, women…one, two, three on rotation, Nola’s pleasure was Nola’s priority (IKDR!).
While her sexual appetite meant her loving bed saw many visitors, I think her best sex scene came when she finally decided to give monogamy a try with her girlfriend Opal. While the scene was pretty graphic, just like the others, this one was different because it was special. It felt like Nola and Opal were two women passionately in love. And what’s sexier than sex with someone you love?
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Featured image via Netflix