Are You Keeping Your “Denial Length”? Here’s Why You Should Trim Your Hair
Cut it, cut it, cut it, cut it… yo split ends way too long you need to cut itttt.
Like many ladies, there were few things I used to hate more than cutting my hair. Prior to transitioning, I would spend what felt like all year growing my hair out 2-3 inches just to lose what little new growth I gained after my bi-annual trim. I would go back and forth with my hairstylist, asking her just to "dust the ends" or to "keep as much length as possible," but in reality, those ends needed to go. Period.
As DeeJa B mentions in her Instagram video, many of us are trying to keep our "denial length" – barely trimming our hair and keeping dead length because we are in "denial" that our ends are damaged and that trimming them will truly lead to healthier hair. You know who you are. Let those ends go, sis.
Per collaboration with Houston-based stylist and owner of Shay BeYOUty, Shayna Matthews, most ladies pursuing healthy hair should trim their ends every 4-6 weeks depending on heat and color damage, protective styling frequency, chemical treatment, natural hair product usage, thickness, and overall growth speed. Note: these trims do not need to be drastic, a snip here and a snip there. But split ends become progressively worse the longer you wait to trim them off. For some, lightly trimming your hair earlier on and more consistently can help you keep the length that would need to be all cut off by stalling your trim for 10+ months.
To combat damage, Shay recommends that "trims and treatments should go hand in hand. Often what is causing your ends to split is the overall lack of moisture and resulting dryness that comes from daily manipulation – especially if you're using chemicals and heat."
Whether you are all natural or rocking a relaxer, Shay recommends that ladies are religious about their deep conditioning to replenish the moisture our hair desperately needs.
I, for one, can say that I've traditionally been pretty bad about keeping up with my trims – maybe 1 or 2 times a year. But I can now say that I have seen a noticeable progression in my hair health and length over the last year since working to keep my ends clipped and hair moisturized. After making excuses at my last few appointments, I promised myself that at my next visit, I would get a trim all the way up to the green line (as illustrated in the picture above) and not slide by with a trim only to the red or yellow line.
And this time around, I did. Although seeing my new growth was so satisfying, I knew that my dead ends had to go. Healthy hair is trimmed hair.
Are you waiting too long to trim your dead ends? Chances are that you might be. Check out the tips below for different hair textures and treatment levels in order to keep your hair trimmed and healthy.
Color-Treated Hair
Dyed hair is particularly fragile and the chemicals can be harsh, both on your ends and roots. When highlighting hair, it strips a layer off the hair strand, the lipid layer, which is responsible for lubricating the membrane, ultimately causing more porous hair, texture changes, and increased breakage and dryness if color is applied too frequently and without moisture replacement. To keep your hair from getting to the point of breakage, aim for a trim every 4-6 weeks and frequent conditioning treatments.
Relaxed & Chemical-Treated Hair
Like dyed hair, relaxed and chemical treated hair are also very fragile. To keep your hair from getting too damaged, which happens easily with relaxed hair, try to trim every 4-6 weeks depending on your hair texture and growth speed. If you are combining chemical treatments, like a relaxer and color, frequent moisturizing should be your top priority to avoid damage.
Natural Hair (with semi-frequent heat usage)
From blow-outs to silk presses, semi-frequent heat usage on your natural hair isn't inherently a bad thing but should always follow with the use of a good heat protectant (my favorite is Redken Smooth Lock Heat Glide!) Since heat can weaken the ends of our hair and cause dryness if heat is applied too frequently, it is recommended that ladies with natural hair also get more frequent trims and stay moisturized. Depending on your hair length, density, and growth speed, trims every 4-6 weeks might be a good option. If your hair grows more slowly, opt for every 2-3 months.
Natural Hair (without heat usage)
Trimming natural hair comes down to knowing your texture and overall hair growth speed. Some ladies will only gain 2 inches all year and it will be completely healthy, while others gain 4+ inches a year but are manipulating it a lot with a number of products and high-tension hairstyles. Even natural hair styling can be rough on your ends if you are constantly doing twist-outs, and some products are so thick that they can suffocate your hair. That being said, for some, trimming every 3-4 months may help maintain length and health, while for others, trimming every 1-2 months is a better option.
Protective Styles
Whether you consistently rock braids or wigs, your hair underneath still needs a trim or it can get damaged despite the new growth. High tension styles like cornrows and weaves can be rough on your ends and edges, so don't put off your trims for too long. Like natural hair with less frequent heat usage, depending on your hair length, density, and growth speed, try to trim your hair every 4-8 weeks. If your hair grows more slowly, trim your hair every 2-3 months.
All images provided by Lydia Anglin; Featured image via Giphy
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Lydia is a recent Ivy League graduate who is passionate about using her voice to enact change in minority and female communities. Dubbed the "Intern Queen," she has worked 8+ internships in diverse industries, including Wall Street firms and the Obama White House, and is now bringing her career and lifestyle tips to you! Meet Lydia on Instagram @queen_of_anglin and Twitter @its_lit_dia.
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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When discussing the topic of raising children, discipline is often the first thing that comes to mind. Children need discipline. Full stop. But what is discipline? And how do we draw the line between discipline and revenge?
The origin of the word "discipline" can be traced back to the Latin word "disciplina," which means "instruction" or "teaching." Over time, however, discipline has come to be synonymous with punishment, with parents relying on shame, fear, and/or physical pain to curb undesirable behavior.
Teaching takes time, so nipping it in the bud in whatever fashion parents deem necessary (within reason) has become the norm. But is this what’s best for children? And when does it become less about curbing undesirable behavior and more about getting our licks back for offenses we feel our children should know better to do?
In my work as a parenting coach, I’ve often heard parents say, “I asked him nicely three times before spanking him. He didn’t stop doing it until I did, so clearly talking doesn’t work.”
And the parent isn’t wrong. Talking often doesn’t work the first, the third, or the even the 10th time. And the reason is directly tied to brain development.
Children cannot and do not process information the way an adult can. Auditory processing is not fully developed until a child is 14 or 15 years old. And even then, if a child has auditory processing delays or Auditory Processing Disorder (APD), they may always struggle with processing auditory commands. According to Susie S. Loraine, MA, CCC-SLP, the term auditory processing refers to how the brain perceives and interprets sound information. Several skills determine auditory processing ability—or listening success. They develop in a general four-step hierarchy, but all work together and are essential for daily listening.
Without this understanding, discipline can easily become revenge because parents will then view their child’s misdeeds as a personal slight. Instead of teaching them to do better, parents now want to show them the consequences of not doing better. This is why it's imperative for parents to discern between discipline and revenge to maintain healthy relationships with their children.
5 WAYS TO DISTINGUISH BETWEEN PARENTAL GUIDANCE AND RETALIATION:
Understanding The Intent
Discipline is rooted in love and concern for the child's well-being. It focuses on teaching lessons and helping children understand the consequences of their actions. Conversely, revenge-driven actions stem from a desire to inflict pain or punishment as payback for perceived slights or disobedience. Parents should reflect on their motives before taking disciplinary actions. Ask yourself whether your intention is to help your child learn or to make them suffer for upsetting you.
Example: If a child accidentally breaks a valuable item, a disciplinary response would involve discussing the importance of being careful and working with the child to come up with a way to replace or fix what they’ve broken. On the other hand, a vengeful reaction might involve yelling, harsh punishment, or bringing up past mistakes to intensify guilt.
Maintaining Emotional Regulation
Effective discipline requires parents to remain calm and composed, even in challenging situations. It's natural to feel upset or frustrated when children misbehave, but responding with anger or resentment can escalate the situation and blur the line between discipline and revenge. Before addressing the issue, take a moment to breathe and collect your thoughts.
Example: If a child cannot follow instructions, a disciplined response would involve calmly explaining why their cooperation is necessary in working with the child to accomplish the goal. Conversely, a retaliatory response might involve shouting, name-calling, or resorting to physical punishment out of anger.
Promoting Growth and Learning
Discipline should always aim to promote growth and learning. It involves guiding children toward making better choices and understanding the impact of their actions on themselves and others. Effective discipline strategies include positive reinforcement, setting clear expectations, and providing opportunities for reflection and growth.
Example: If a child repeatedly forgets to complete their chores, a disciplinary approach would involve discussing the importance of responsibility and finding solutions together, such as creating a chore chart or setting reminders with Siri or Alexa. In contrast, a revenge-driven response might involve imposing overly harsh punishments or belittling the child, which can undermine their self-esteem and hinder their ability to learn from their mistakes.
Momo Productions/Getty
Building Trust and Communication
Trust and open communication are essential components of a healthy parent-child relationship. Discipline should strengthen this bond by fostering trust and encouraging children to confide in their parents without fear of judgment or retaliation. When children feel safe and supported, they're more likely to accept discipline as a form of guidance rather than punishment.
Example: If a child admits to breaking a rule or making a mistake, a disciplined response would involve listening to their perspective, discussing the consequences of their actions, and working together to find a solution. Conversely, a retaliatory response might involve accusations, blame, or shutting down communication, which can erode trust and damage the parent-child relationship.
Seeking Professional Guidance
Parenting is a learning journey, and, disciplining children is a delicate balance between guiding them toward responsible behavior and nurturing their growth. By understanding the intent behind our actions, maintaining emotional regulation, promoting growth and learning, building trust and communication, and seeking professional guidance when needed, as parents we can help our children built on love, respect, and understanding.
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Featured image by Courtney Hale/Getty Images