4 Ways To Modify Your Resolutions To Manifest Greatness In 2019
As a writer, I believe in the power of words. As a woman of faith, I believe that we manifest what we speak and do the most. I apply both principles to the way I set goals and resolutions. I take time to truly understand what I feel and what I want, then I work to speak those very things into existence, and onto my vision board. It's the difference between wanting a boyfriend and wanting a husband. Anyone can be a boyfriend, but sis, I want a husband; I want my husband. That is what I speak. And in doing so, I call into existence the very thing I desire: my husband.
See where I'm going with this?
This same idea should be applied to your New Year's resolutions. While it's easier to set standard resolutions each year, it's important (and far more beneficial) to set resolutions that honor your true desires. This way, you declare and work toward what you truly want.
To manifest your heart's desires, it's important to speak to the depths of what they really are. Below are the most common resolutions with new suggested language. The point of this isn't to hijack your resolutions, but to encourage you to think critically about how to ask for – and manifest – what you truly want for the new year.
Common Resolution: I want to lose weight.
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Suggested Resolution: I want to be healthier.
Rationale: Losing weight is a great goal but it's often created under superficial pretenses. If you want to lose weight for you, go for it! But if you want to lose weight to emulate the people you see online and in magazines, then you'll always fall short. Losing weight will always be a challenge when your desire to do so is for inauthentic reasons. Instead, opt for something more beneficial to you in the long-term.
"I want to be healthy" is rooted more in self-love and -care, as opposed to "losing weight" which is often a desire rooted in self-loathing. Through self-love and body positivity, you're more likely to make the changes necessary to yield the results you're looking for. You'll eat better, establish healthier habits, and dedicate yourself to discipline – not because you hate your weight, but because you love yourself. Changing this language takes the thought off of the dissatisfaction we usually have for our weight and puts an emphasis on what matters most: our health. Opt for this resolution rooted in self-love and you'll begin to see the weight loss results you've always longed for.
Common Resolution: I want to learn a new trade.
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Suggested Resolution: I want to sharpen my gifts.
Rationale: Growth is a beautiful thing and finding interest in a new trade is wonderful. But, sometimes we let knowing how to do many things steer us from doing the right things. Instead of trying to learn something completely new – and possibly unrelated to your life's purpose – focus on sharpening your gifts.
Your gifts were provided to you, divinely, for a reason. They are what you've been provided to live a purposeful life and carry out God's assignment. Many times, the new talents we're looking to establish are just our gifts that haven't been developed yet. Desiring to sharpen your gifts will not only ensure you're learning new things, but that those new things are relevant to the work you were put here to do. Remaining intentional about what new skills you establish helps position you for a life rooted in purpose.
Current Resolution: I want new/more friends.
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Suggested Resolution: I want better/more quality friendships.
Rationale: I said this one plenty of times. I wanted more friends for the different things I wanted to do, and the different areas of life I needed companionship in. I felt that having more friends – particularly, professional friends, creative friends, going out friends, friends who give good advice – would fill those various voids. It didn't; in fact, it made it harder, for an introvert like me, to keep up with and nurture those many friendships.
While I don't think there's anything wrong with having different friends for different things, I think there's a missed opportunity in not understanding why. Sometimes we say we want new friends when what we really want is a different presence in our friendships. Instead of rushing off to make new ones, expecting voids to be filled, work on cultivating better more quality friendships.
Current Resolution: I want a new job.
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Suggested Resolution: I want my dream job, or I want a job in my career.
Rationale: Sometimes you do just want a new job to get out of your current one. But a lot of times, our cry for a new job, is really a cry for work that we're passionate about. The more we ask for a new job, the more new jobs we'll get; but at some point, we must switch gears and work to manifest what we truly desire: a fulfilling career. Being clear about our desire for meaningful work, rather than a new job, will get us to be more intentional about our pursuit throughout the new year. It can also open you up to opportunities at your current job that you never thought to consider.
The more critically we think about our 2019 goals, the more intentional we become when proclaiming them. The clearer we are about our desires, the more likely we are to work to manifest them. So as you prepare for the new year, do so with reflection, self-discovery, and clear, intentional resolutions.
Featured image by Getty Images.
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Zoe Hunter is the writer, speaker, and creator behind the women empowerment brand DEAR QUEENS. She uses vulnerability, storytelling, and spiritual development to empower women toward healthy decision-making. Stay connected to Zoe's work by visiting DEARQUEENS.com or following her on Twitter @zDEARQUEENS.
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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Stress Awareness Month: Sneaky Workplace Triggers Affecting Black Women, And How To Cope
We all know about the major stress triggers of everyday life, from relationship woes to monthly bills to unexpected emergencies, but there are small, subtle triggers that impact Black women in a big way, especially when it comes to work. It’s good to be aware of these sneaky stressors in order to maximize your day and find ways to incorporate solutions into your self-care routines.
Since it’s Stress Awareness Month, we caught up with Keanne Owens, LCSW, founder of Journey To Harmony Therapy Center, to talk about these triggers and what Black women can do to manage and cope.
Owens is an experienced South Florida-based counselor and social worker who offers her services via Grow Therapy, a therapy and medication management platform. She has worked with Black women professionals to unpack issues related to workplace stressors. “One is the pressure to perform–having to meet deadlines and deliverables. And a lot of times, these subtle stressors from performance are put upon ourselves as Black women. We want to make sure we’re doing our best. We don’t want to be critiqued in certain ways.”
Excessive micromanagement leading to fear of overly critical bosses is another subtle trigger that can negatively impact Black women in the workplace.
“Whenever something is done wrong, or we experience some type of injustice and have to report it, it’s the fear of retaliation–[fear that] we won’t be taken seriously or [our words] will be taken out of context because of being deemed as the ‘angry Black woman,’” she said.
Black Women And Workplace Stress Triggers
Her sentiments are backed by research. A recent report by Coqual found that 28% of Black women (compared to 17% of White men) say their supervisor uses “excessive control or attention to detail” when managing them. There’s more: A survey by the National Employment Law Project found that Black workers were “more likely to have concerns (80 percent) and twice as likely as white workers (18 percent) to have unresolved concerns at work, with 39 percent reporting they were “not satisfied with the employer’s response or did not raise concerns for fear of retaliation.”
The survey also found that 14 percent of Black respondents said they “avoided raising concerns to their employer for fear of retaliation—more than twice the average rate of 6 percent for all survey respondents.”
Owens pointed to the fact that these subtle stress triggers can negatively impact our physical health and our career advancement. “A lot of time it’ll affect our productivity,” Owens added. “We start to have negative thoughts of ourselves. The stressors can also cause fatigue. We’re no longer meeting or working up to our desired potential.” Other challenges as a result include insomnia and increased insolation, withdrawal, and lack of motivation to apply for jobs or promotions even when qualified.
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How To Manage Subtle Stress Triggers
While there are systemic issues at play for Black women at work that has less to do with us and more to do with major overhauls that must be addressed by the powers that be, there are steps we can take for the betterment of ourselves and our mental health. Owens offered the following tips:
Tap into a support system, whether it’s a coworker you trust, a family member, an organization, or an outlet like a hobby.
Create a good work-life balance before burnout even starts. “Having certain boundaries [is the goal] such as, for example, if you get off at 5, you get off at 5. If your job description is this, you don’t go above and beyond because that brings you to a lot of burnout,” Owens said.
Prioritize self-care, whatever that means for you. “If you don’t have a routine, create one. Practice mindfulness and even some meditation,” she added.
Create structure in your life outside of work. “Even if you have a family, applying some structure in your routine helps relieve stress,” she said.
Get into grounding techniques. “Do a real quick square breathing exercise, that’s literally 30 seconds, or you can do a grounding technique that’s less than two minutes, right there where you are. You don’t need any other materials. That’s something you can do with just yourself and your body.”
Ask for help. “As Black women, we don’t ask for help enough,” she said. “Find where you need to ask for help. A lot of times, people think that’s indicative of weakness, but we need to rewrite that narrative. It’s okay to ask for help where you see fit. [If] you’re a mom, [it could be] every Wednesday from 5 to 6, your children are with the dad. You have to carve out that time.”
For more information on Grow Therapy, visit their website. You can also find out more about Keanne Owens, LCSW, via BeginYourJourneyToHarmony.com.
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Featured image by Charday Penn/Getty Images