Ciara Opens Up About Manifesting Her Reality: "No Dream Is Too Big"
When I think about my life, I often think about all the sacrifices I've made thus far just to make it another day.
I've given up relationships, jobs, and even a bit of comfort in the pursuit of what I visualize as my dreams. A lot of times, it's easier to focus on what you don't have. However, when we're able to, instead, focus on what we do have, we grant ourselves permission to manifest additional greatness into our lives.
In a lot of ways, singer and model Ciara is a glowing example of what a lot of us strive to be: the mother, the wife, and the career woman, doing it all in a seemingly effortless way. In the past, the 32-year-old has spoken about manifesting her dream husband, quarterback Russell Wilson, and why her intentional focus on positive affirmations have led her to lead the life of her dreams. But that's not the only blessing she spoke into existence.
Recently, Ciara linked up with Cosmopolitan to shoot her first cover for the magazine and also dropped some gems about her ambition, her goals, and why she will never entertain an online troll.
On the heels of the release of her seventh album, Ciara is on a mission. While this mission definitely includes continuing her successful career as a recording artist and eventually becoming a billionaire, Ciara also realizes that long after the records stop spinning and the accolades no longer roll in, it will be her legacy as a wife and mother that will remain.
The singer says that in 10 years, her idea of success will be based on her family life, regardless of her creative endeavors. She tells Cosmo:
"I never thought, 'I can't be because of the color of my skin, I can't be because of my gender.' No dream is too big. I want to be a billionaire. The more resources, the more you can do. But I think my greatest accomplishment 10 years from now is that I would have a successful life as it pertains to my marriage and being a mom. It's cool to want to do all these creative things, but it's no good to gain the world if you lose your soul."
In fact, Ciara has been using the idea of positive mantras and writing down goals long before she manifested her beau. The singer, who is currently on tour with Bruno Mars, says she knew exactly what she wanted to do the first time she saw Destiny's Child on TV.
And just like that, she wrote it down.
She also wrote down how many records she wanted to sell (3-4 million, but as of 2015, she has sold over 23 million). And seeing that she's been in the spotlight since 2004, her goals have definitely become reality. She says:
"They [Destiny's Child] were killing it, and I just went, 'This is what I want to do. I'm gonna be an entertainer…' The first goal I wrote down was to get discovered. The second was to sell 3 to 4 million records. Third, have longevity."
When you're in the spotlight, there is no doubt that you'll have to battle the negative forces designed to wreak havoc on your self-esteem, and in 2018, we call them "trolls". The trolling phenomenon has taken on a life of its own with the advent of social media, and if you don't have a strong foundation in your own self-worth, one, ten, or a million negative comments could likely destroy you.
But for Ciara, rather than focus on the naysayers, she instead turns her focus on new opportunities and her mission. She reveals:
"When someone comes for you and you didn't send for them, you keep your eye on the prize. I know what my mission is. I know what I'm hoping for and working hard for every day. And that's my focus. I'm not going to let people steal my joy. I move on. New day, new opportunity, new energy, let's go."
And if you were wondering what her secret is for that banging post-baby body, be ready for three-a-day training sessions. Her rigorous schedule--between training her body and breastfeeding her baby--may be more than most have time for, but Ciara's message of challenging yourself is something that anyone can do.
She says that taking care of herself makes her feel "really good" and she wanted to make sure she preserved her sexy for herself more than anyone else. We're sure that Russell approves of this challenge, too. She says:
"It was kind of like, wake up in the morning, breastfeed, eat a small meal, go train, come back in, breastfeed, eat another meal, go train, then come back, have another meal, and then a third training session at night. It was a good challenge, one I set for myself, not for anyone else. Taking care of myself makes me feel really good. And I want to keep it sexy too, you know."
From what I'm gathering, Ciara's positive mentality, willingness to write down her vision, and to persevere regardless of what others have to say are the major takeaways that I or anyone else can apply to our daily lives. The measure of success is different for everyone, but if we challenge ourselves to put pen to paper and write down our goals, and then have the tenacity to follow through on our vision, no dream is too big.
Thank you for these reminders, Ciara.
For the full cover story, check out the feature here.
Michelle Schmitz is a writer and editor based in Washington, DC originally from Ft Lauderdale, FL. A self-described ambivert, you can find her figuring out ways to read more than her monthly limit of The New York Times, attending concerts, and being a badass, multi-tasking supermom. She also runs her own blog MichelleSasha.com. Keep up with her latest moves on IG: @michellesashawrites and Twitter: @michellesashas
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for daily love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
When discussing the topic of raising children, discipline is often the first thing that comes to mind. Children need discipline. Full stop. But what is discipline? And how do we draw the line between discipline and revenge?
The origin of the word "discipline" can be traced back to the Latin word "disciplina," which means "instruction" or "teaching." Over time, however, discipline has come to be synonymous with punishment, with parents relying on shame, fear, and/or physical pain to curb undesirable behavior.
Teaching takes time, so nipping it in the bud in whatever fashion parents deem necessary (within reason) has become the norm. But is this what’s best for children? And when does it become less about curbing undesirable behavior and more about getting our licks back for offenses we feel our children should know better to do?
In my work as a parenting coach, I’ve often heard parents say, “I asked him nicely three times before spanking him. He didn’t stop doing it until I did, so clearly talking doesn’t work.”
And the parent isn’t wrong. Talking often doesn’t work the first, the third, or the even the 10th time. And the reason is directly tied to brain development.
Children cannot and do not process information the way an adult can. Auditory processing is not fully developed until a child is 14 or 15 years old. And even then, if a child has auditory processing delays or Auditory Processing Disorder (APD), they may always struggle with processing auditory commands. According to Susie S. Loraine, MA, CCC-SLP, the term auditory processing refers to how the brain perceives and interprets sound information. Several skills determine auditory processing ability—or listening success. They develop in a general four-step hierarchy, but all work together and are essential for daily listening.
Without this understanding, discipline can easily become revenge because parents will then view their child’s misdeeds as a personal slight. Instead of teaching them to do better, parents now want to show them the consequences of not doing better. This is why it's imperative for parents to discern between discipline and revenge to maintain healthy relationships with their children.
5 WAYS TO DISTINGUISH BETWEEN PARENTAL GUIDANCE AND RETALIATION:
Understanding The Intent
Discipline is rooted in love and concern for the child's well-being. It focuses on teaching lessons and helping children understand the consequences of their actions. Conversely, revenge-driven actions stem from a desire to inflict pain or punishment as payback for perceived slights or disobedience. Parents should reflect on their motives before taking disciplinary actions. Ask yourself whether your intention is to help your child learn or to make them suffer for upsetting you.
Example: If a child accidentally breaks a valuable item, a disciplinary response would involve discussing the importance of being careful and working with the child to come up with a way to replace or fix what they’ve broken. On the other hand, a vengeful reaction might involve yelling, harsh punishment, or bringing up past mistakes to intensify guilt.
Maintaining Emotional Regulation
Effective discipline requires parents to remain calm and composed, even in challenging situations. It's natural to feel upset or frustrated when children misbehave, but responding with anger or resentment can escalate the situation and blur the line between discipline and revenge. Before addressing the issue, take a moment to breathe and collect your thoughts.
Example: If a child cannot follow instructions, a disciplined response would involve calmly explaining why their cooperation is necessary in working with the child to accomplish the goal. Conversely, a retaliatory response might involve shouting, name-calling, or resorting to physical punishment out of anger.
Promoting Growth and Learning
Discipline should always aim to promote growth and learning. It involves guiding children toward making better choices and understanding the impact of their actions on themselves and others. Effective discipline strategies include positive reinforcement, setting clear expectations, and providing opportunities for reflection and growth.
Example: If a child repeatedly forgets to complete their chores, a disciplinary approach would involve discussing the importance of responsibility and finding solutions together, such as creating a chore chart or setting reminders with Siri or Alexa. In contrast, a revenge-driven response might involve imposing overly harsh punishments or belittling the child, which can undermine their self-esteem and hinder their ability to learn from their mistakes.
Momo Productions/Getty
Building Trust and Communication
Trust and open communication are essential components of a healthy parent-child relationship. Discipline should strengthen this bond by fostering trust and encouraging children to confide in their parents without fear of judgment or retaliation. When children feel safe and supported, they're more likely to accept discipline as a form of guidance rather than punishment.
Example: If a child admits to breaking a rule or making a mistake, a disciplined response would involve listening to their perspective, discussing the consequences of their actions, and working together to find a solution. Conversely, a retaliatory response might involve accusations, blame, or shutting down communication, which can erode trust and damage the parent-child relationship.
Seeking Professional Guidance
Parenting is a learning journey, and, disciplining children is a delicate balance between guiding them toward responsible behavior and nurturing their growth. By understanding the intent behind our actions, maintaining emotional regulation, promoting growth and learning, building trust and communication, and seeking professional guidance when needed, as parents we can help our children built on love, respect, and understanding.
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
Featured image by Courtney Hale/Getty Images