Your September Horoscopes Are All About Operating At Your Highest Self
The Sun travels through meticulous Virgo for most of September before moving into charming Libra on the 23rd. On the 14th, the Full Moon in Pisces has us deep in our feels while Mercury and Venus cozy up in the sky, helping us to harmonize areas of our lives that have been in distress. Saturn, Lord of Karma, goes direct on the 18th, lending positive results to those that have been putting in the work.
Things get a little hazy around the 21st, so be mindful of unrealistic expectations. Remember that faith without work is dead. Tensions are rising around the 28th between what is expected of you and what your soul is calling you to do. The New Moon at the end of the month helps you find the balance between the two.
Check out your monthly horoscope below to see what September has in store for you!
Aries
Laci Jordan/xoNecole
Most of your month is spent prioritizing your work-life balance, with the Sun transiting through hard-working Virgo. On the 14th, the Full Moon in Pisces has your spidey-senses tingling. Intuition is heightened and your dreams provide vivid insight into past life karma that has reached its expiration date. Surrender is the name of the game and this Full Moon is meant to test how far you've come in your self-mastery, challenging you to relinquish control. Mercury moves into Libra on the same day and you're focused on bringing more balance into your close relationships. Venus, planet of love and money, also moves into this part of your chart which helps you attract good fortune through the relationships you build. Business deals are solidified and harmony is restored within your significant relationships.
On the 18th, Saturn goes direct, helping you achieve some forward momentum in your career field. If you've been putting in the work, the recognition will slowly start rolling in. Leading up to the 21st, be mindful of unrealistic expectations of others—especially those you look up to for spiritual guidance. You don't need a middle man to validate your connection to God and the cosmos. Around the 28th, tensions are rising due to the demands of your home life, relationships, and career but peace can be found by being honest about your personal limits. The New Moon on the 28th invites you to increase the quality of your relationships by taking on a win-win approach for both parties. This time could also indicate the start of a new job, business partnership, or significant relationship with someone that has long-term potential.
Taurus
Laci Jordan/xoNecole
The month begins with most of your attention going towards creative projects, children (or your inner child), and romance. The Full Moon on the 14th illuminates your social circle, making it glaringly clear who's on #TeamTaurus and who's not. Mercury and Venus move into Libra on the same day, helping you find a better flow in your work-life balance over the next month. This is a good time to schedule your annual health screening and finally try out that detox you've been holding off on. Health is wealth and it's well worth sacrificing that extra glass of wine you have for dinner every day.
On the 18th, Saturn goes direct, pushing forward any international travel plans. Over the next several months, you've got the opportunity to flex what you've been learning behind the scenes. It's time to publish that book, teach that class, or share your wisdom as a mentor for someone following in your footsteps. Be mindful of wishful thinking around the 21st. Your deep desire to be a part of a community may have you settling for connections that aren't an accurate reflection of your values and expectations of your social circle. Around the 28th, you may experience some inner, or outer, conflict pertaining to different belief systems. Be respectful of others' sovereignty and avoid getting into any drama with people more intent on proving a point than gaining understanding. The month wraps up with a New Moon inviting you to plant the seeds for long-lasting results for your overall health and well-being.
Gemini
Laci Jordan/xoNecole
Most of the attention is on home and family this month, as the Sun transits through analytical Virgo. Cut your folks some slack and ease up on being too demanding of your loved ones. On the 14th, the Full Moon gives you some insight into something that's been holding up your career progression. This revelation could result in you ditching one career path and transitioning into a new opportunity more suited for your long-term goals. Mercury and Venus move into this same part of your sky highlighting creativity, children, and romance. Your charm is at its peak so if you're open to love; the next month favors your efforts. Inspiration will also be at a high, so make it work to your advantage to get back into some of those projects you've put on the back-burner.
On the 18th, Saturn goes direct and you are finally ready to come out of your cocoon after doing some much-needed, and often uncomfortable, soul-searching related to intimacy and sexual expression. Try not to have your head caught up in the clouds around the 21st. Your expectations in career and relationship aren't necessarily unrealistic but it's best that you be as logical as possible, especially when it comes to timing! Around the 28th, tension is rising and you're feeling pulled in opposing directions—specifically as it pertains to the resources you've accumulated and what you may feel obligated to share with others. An outstanding debt may also need your attention at this time. Do your best to be proactive instead of avoiding your responsibility. The month ends with a New Moon inviting you to lay the groundwork for that creative project or meet someone new if you're open to dating.
Cancer
Laci Jordan/xoNecole
Communication and learning is your top priority for most of the month as the Sun travels through meticulous Virgo. On the 14th, the Full Moon in your sister sign grants you the spotlight to share your knowledge or to complete a course you've been taking. If you've been having any issues with immigration or foreign affairs, your resolution is here. Mercury and Venus move into Libra on the same day, putting your focus on home and family. If you're partnered up, you may talk about moving in together or starting a family depending on the stage of your relationship. Love matters take on a more secluded energy during this time of year and your best moments will be spent in the comfort of your sanctuary with your lover.
On the 18th, Saturn goes direct and your relationship is getting even more serious. If you're single, a solid commitment is definitely on the brain and if love isn't a priority right now, there's a solid business partnership in the works. Around the 21st, try to stay realistic when it comes to any new routines you're trying to implement into your life as well as new knowledge you're absorbing. These things take time, and practice, for these new habits and concepts to truly establish themselves. Give yourself credit for even the smallest bit of progress to avoid the disappointment of not meeting extremely high expectations that you're setting for yourself. Watch out for tension between you and a significant other (lover, business partner, or close friend) around the 28th. Try to find a compromise between your needs and those of the other. The month closes with a New Moon, inviting you to move residence or plant the seed if you're ready to add a new addition to your family.
Leo
Laci Jordan/xoNecole
You're in your bag this month as the Sun transits through hard-working Virgo throughout most of the month. On the 14th, Mercury and Venus are making you the center of attention when it comes to communication. Check those junk mail folders and stay on top of your DMs. You could have some dope opportunities come your way, given the extra charm that you're exuding over the next month. The Full Moon on the same day can get pretty emo for you but hey, you've gotta feel it to heal it. Might as well be the bold babe that you are and dive right into the shadows of your pain. You may even be able to pull some inspiration from the depths to work to your benefit.
On the 18th, Saturn goes direct and you're getting extremely disciplined with your fitness, health, and daily routines. You may not be training for the olympics but you've definitely got your eyes on the gold medal. Be mindful of over-inflated expectations around the 21st when it comes to romance. It's best to take things slow and just have some fun at this time. Keep in mind that intimacy takes time to build and spilling your guts about all of your childhood trauma and fears on the first date isn't the best approach to this. September winds down with a New Moon encouraging you to start that new writing project, share your thoughts, or launch that vlog as a means of self-expression.
Virgo
Laci Jordan/xoNecole
Happy birthday, Goddess! The spotlight is on you for most of the month and it's time to reintroduce yourself as the wiser, sexier, and more successful woman that you've become over the past year. Mercury and Venus are blessing your finances right out the gate. Whether you're blowing out birthday candles or not, don't forget to make a wish. The cosmos are working overtime for you this month. You've got the potential to land some major business deals, sponsorships, or extra support for your amazing talents. Shoot your shot and apply for those loans, grants, and scholarships if you need some extra financial assistance. On the 14th, the Full Moon in your opposite sign can illuminate some imbalances within an existing partnership or business collaboration. Try to find a middle ground and if necessary, part ways in peace to create space for a connection that is more in alignment with you. On the 18th, Saturn goes direct in your sister sign and you're getting serious about those creative ideas that have been brewing underneath the surface since April. It's time to put those plans into action!
Try your best to stay grounded around the 21st when it comes to your expectations of others and your family. You may not be feeling as supported as you'd like but it's nothing personal. Keep in mind that people have lives just like you do. Ask for help when you need it and be open to receiving it in the way that people can offer it to you. It's up to you to do the rest. Tensions are rising around the 28th between your creative ideas and the input of a group that you collaborate with. Teamwork makes the dream work. Make sure everyone's ideas are taken into consideration—even if it's just bits and pieces that will ultimately lend to the bigger picture. The month winds down with a New Moon, bringing in a renewed sense of belief in yourself that is possibly accompanied by an amazing opportunity that increases your finances.
Libra
Laci Jordan/xoNecole
The first part of the month will be a bit more quiet for you as your prepare for your birthday season. Take some time to reflect over the growth that you've experienced in the past year and the plans for your future. On the 14th, the Full Moon illuminates some habits that you may need to clean up, particularly related to your health and wellness. Mercury and Venus move into your sign on the same day, amping up the charm factor and enchanting your life with magical opportunities. Don't be afraid to shine and express the truth of who you are. Your authenticity will make you a magnet for good fortune and maybe even some love and romance.
Saturn goes direct on the 18th and you're planting your roots in a new home, or restructuring your current abode. Family planning may be on the brain for some of you in the months to come. As magical as the energy is this month, do your best to stay grounded around the 21st particularly when it comes to any new habits you're implementing or projects you're starting. In most cases, slow and steady wins the race. The Sun enters your sign on the 23rd, bringing in your birthday season. Tension may be rising around the 28th between your home life and career aspirations. Try to find a balance between the two. The month ends with a New Moon in your sign and maybe a new wardrobe or hairstyle, too. It's time to reintroduce the world to the new and improved you!
Scorpio
Laci Jordan/xoNecole
Most of your focus this month is on your friends, social networking, and your long-term vision for your life while the Sun transits through Virgo. On the 14th, the Full Moon in your sister sign illuminates your creativity and inner child. It's time to express yourself more freely and maybe reveal that new masterpiece you've been working on behind the scenes. Mercury and Venus move into Libra on the same day, making you even more receptive to all of the tea. Be mindful of getting too caught up in the drama. This energy is best utilized for laying low and reconnecting with your spiritual practice. Make an effort to record your dreams as they'll bring you tons of guidance and insight into what needs to be healed throughout the month ahead.
Saturn goes direct on on the 18th, helping you to take a more thoughtful approach to your communication style moving ahead. This is a good time to revamp your social media strategy or sign up for that course to refine your public speaking or writing skills. Be mindful of having your head in the clouds around the 21st when it comes to your spending habits and romance. You may be tempted to splurge on a date around this time. Get creative to spare yourself the big bill. Watch out for tension between you and a mentor figure around the 23rd. It's not what you say. It's how you say it. September winds down with the Sun and New Moon in Libra, encouraging you to close out those karmic contracts just in time for your birthday season next month.
Sagittarius
Laci Jordan/xoNecole
While the Sun transits through Virgo in the first part of the month, your attention is on leveling up in career and social status. On the 14th, Mercury and Venus move into Libra, helping you work out any kinks within your friendships while also making you super popular amongst your community. This is primetime for networking. As they say, "It's all about who you know." However, this time around, people will be more drawn towards you without you having to make as much effort. Any issues within your home and family may come to a head with the Full Moon amping up the energy. People will be more sensitive than usual on the 14th, so lay low, if possible. This energy may also have you ready to relocate if you've outgrown your current environment.
Saturn goes direct on the 18th and you're ready to take action towards establishing some long-term wealth for yourself. Keep in mind that your legacy takes time to build but you're well on your way to financial freedom. Be mindful of unrealistic expectations around the 21st when it comes to family matters or buying that new home. Preparation is key if you want to invest in property or expand your family. Watch out for tension around the 28th when it comes to your resources and what you share with others. An outstanding debt may need to be paid or you need to compromise if you share funds within a partnership. The month ends with a New Moon, inviting you to expand your social circle and your vision for life. Dream big, Saggie! The world is yours for the taking.
Capricorn
Laci Jordan/xoNecole
The first part of the month brings your focus to higher learning and spiritual development, sprinkled in with some foreign affairs. It's time to plan for that Eat, Pray, Love adventure you've been daydreaming about. On the 14th, the Full Moon lends you the spotlight on social media, helping you to express yourself in a more vulnerable way. If you're not ready for IG fame quite yet, this is the perfect time to explore some written or verbal outlets to express your feelings. Mercury and Venus form a lovely conjunction on the same day, gifting you with the gift of gab in your professional environment. If you've been wanting that promotion or raise, now is the time to have that meeting with your boss.
Your ruling planet, Saturn, goes direct on the 18th, helping you catch a little bit of a break (with an emphasis on "little bit"). Okay, so this transit has probably been kicking your ass, but for good reason. Remember, it takes pressure to make diamonds, my love. Stay grounded around the 21st as this energy has the potential to carry you off into la la land. There's a fine line between faith and delusion. Back up your dreams with consistent action and make sure other people's promises are consistent with their actions as well. There may be some tension brewing around the 28th between you and a significant other or business partner. Sometimes it's just best to take some space and reconvene at a later time. The month ends on a high note with the New Moon, blessing you with a new job, promotion, or increased social standing through an achievement of yours. It's about damn time the G.O.A.T. gets the recognition she deserves.
Aquarius
Laci Jordan/xoNecole
The beginning of September brings your focus to your inner transformation, helping you make amends with your voice of criticism. The Full Moon on the 14th serves to liberate you from emotional wounds, contributing to low self-esteem that inhibit you from sharing your gifts with the world (and monetizing them as well). Mercury and Venus create a harmonious aspect on the same day, elevating you into a position of a guide for others that wish to follow in your footsteps. Don't be afraid to share your wealth of wisdom. This transit can also bring in some sudden opportunities to travel with bae or line you up to meet someone special during your excursion.
Saturn goes direct on the 18th, giving you the push to get more grounded when it comes to your spiritual practices. It's time to get back into that mediation routine or reconnect with your sacred community that holds you accountable for your spiritual growth. Stay grounded around the 21st as there's a tendency to overspend on your friends. It's okay to be generous but make sure you're not trying to prove your worth in social settings by being the big spender. You've got other great qualities that people value when you simply show up. Tensions may be rising around the 28th between your daily responsibilities and your desire to drift off into your dreamworld. This aspect can also reveal a hidden hater in your midst. Avoid getting sucked into anyone's drama and leave them to beef with themselves. The month winds down with a New Moon inspiring you to go back to school, take a course, or dive deeper into personal study that will elevate your mind and spirit.
Pisces
Laci Jordan/xoNecole
Relationships are your top priority with the Sun transiting through your opposite sign, helping you bring balance into your key connections. Don't be afraid to set boundaries where necessary. The Full Moon on the 14th helps you clear out the old narratives, and emotions, that have held you back from asserting your individuality. Both Mercury and Venus move into Libra the same day, strengthening your ability to verbalize those feelings you often hide. Fear of intimacy, along with any psychological trauma, can be seen with a clearer perspective during this transit. Saturn, the ruler of karma, goes direct on the 18th, granting you some momentum towards those big hopes and dreams of yours while also providing you with the support from your tribe to motivate you along the way. Try not to shy away from networking in the months to come. Remember, it's not what you know. It's who you know.
Do your best to stay grounded around the 21st when it comes to your expectations in career. Slow and steady wins the race and all of this Capricorn energy is helping you develop some much-needed discipline. Be mindful of tension within a team setting around the 28th. Ideas may be clashing but do your best to find a middle ground. You're all working towards a common goal but just have different ways of going about it. Be flexible! September closes with a New Moon, inviting you to share your wealth, whether that be financially or spiritually. Your willingness to connect with others on a deeper level provides you a sense of being understood—something you've always been seeking.
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ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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These 11 Married Couples Share Their Keys To Long-Term Marital Success
The late actor Audrey Hepburn once said something that I think a lot of married couples who have at least 10 years under their belt will agree with: “If I get married, I want to be very married.” In my mind, this means very committed, very complementary, and very willing to go the distance — otherwise, what’s the point?
Really, what’s the point?
Thing is, with the divorce rate still being higher than it ever should be (for the record, a husband is not a boyfriend, and a wife is not a girlfriend; a marriage is serious business, y’all) and acting married being praised (or at least acknowledged) more than actually being married seems to be — folks who 1) are married and are looking for some hacks that will help with relational longevity or 2) want to be married someday and want insight on how to make their future marriage last are constantly seeking truly beneficial material.
Can you Google articles with random bullet points? Sure. And I’m not discouraging it. Every little bit of wisdom that you can pull, I fully support. However, the reason why I like to do articles like this one from time to time is there is something to be said from hearing real talk from multiple sources on the same topic who have some solid wisdom and knowledge on a particular topic.
Today? 11 married couples who were willing to talk about how they’ve been able to make it to several wedding anniversaries with a smile on their face and no regrets for choosing who they chose. Let’s all sit at their feet for just a moment.
*Middle names are always used in my content that’s like this so that people can speak freely*
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1. Kyle and Adrienne. Married 12 Years.
Kyle: “Some of your readers aren’t going to want to hear this but it’s worked for my marriage: people need to lower their expectations sometimes; I mean, men and women. We go into marriage with stuff that movies told us, social media told us, friends who are always single told us about what we should expect from someone, and then want to fault the person when they’re not what we made up in our head. Everyone should have standards but if you’re expecting your spouse to be some living version of a fairy tale character, you’re going to be disappointed almost every day of your life. Drop those expectations some and watch your relationship be a lot less stressful.”
Adrienne: “Talk to people who respect your man about your marriage. I’ve never believed that you shouldn’t ever go to anyone when you need some support. Even the Bible says that there is safety in wise counsel [Proverbs 11:4]. Too many women talk to women who don’t respect men, in general, let alone their husbands, and so that’s where things go left. Sometimes, you need an ‘outside in’ perspective. But if that woman is always taking shots at men, doesn’t respect marriage, or isn’t someone who holds your man in high regard, don’t ask her for advice. Really, you should ask yourself why you’re friends with her at all.”
Shellie here: I’m big on engaged and married couples having a “village” of sorts for their relationship, too. Check out “Why Every Engaged Couple Needs A 'Marriage Registry'” to get a good idea of what I mean.
2. Levi and Paulette. Married for 15 Years.
Levi: “Some of you have probably heard of the 7-7-7 rule. It’s where couples go on a date every seven days, have a weekend getaway every seven weeks, and go on a romantic trip of some sort every seven months. My wife and I do the 2-2-2 rule instead because sometimes our schedule and budget make ‘7’ difficult. It has gotten easier since Shellie told us about the sex jar. Bottom line, if you’re waiting for time to just open up to be with your spouse, that ain’t gonna happen. Schedule intimacy, including sex. Prioritizing it is better than saying you’re gonna be spontaneous and…never are.”
Paulette: “Initiate sex, dammit. When Shellie told us that men initiate sex most of the time, and then I thought about how often I used to push my husband away whenever he did it — I never really thought about how that made him feel until I put myself in his shoes. We’ve got to stop having all of this understanding for why women cheat when it comes to them not feeling desired or not getting attention when we’re the same way to our husbands. Your marriage isn’t ‘Young and the Restless’, where you’re just supposed to wait for your man to make the move. If you want to feel wanted, do the same thing for him.”
Shellie here: What’s a sex jar, you ask? You can read more about it via “5 Reasons Why Every Married Couple Needs A Sex Jar.”
3. Matthew and Gaia. Married for 17 Years.
Matthew: “Reenact some of your favorite times together. My wife and I do that semi-often. We’ll go back to where we had our first date, or we’ll go back to the hotel where we had some of the best sex before. Bringing back memories of when you felt the best together can give you the motivation to stay together to create some new memories to ‘play out’ later on.”
Gaia: “If you want to ‘mom your husband,’ you need to have kids — or at least get a dog! I didn’t realize how bossy I was until I got married. It’s because I saw my mom be that way with my dad. In my eyes, I thought that’s what love looked like until I watched how my in-laws were. They don’t try to change each other, and they definitely don’t make any demands. They’re very polite. I think a lot of married people are rude to their partner. Don’t be that.”
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4. Joseph and Carletta. Married for 10 Years.
Joseph: “Go to therapy for your childhood. I’m dead serious. No one is going to show you yourself like your wife will, and I realized that a lot of my hang-ups came from unhealed childhood stuff. It’s hard to be an adult in your marriage when you’re still emotionally a kid in a lot of ways. If you’re at the point where you think therapy is needed, go alone and deal with your childhood first. It did miracles for me and mine.”
"No one is going to show you yourself like your wife will, and I realized that a lot of my hang-ups came from unhealed childhood stuff. It’s hard to be an adult in your marriage when you’re still emotionally a kid in a lot of ways."
Carletta: “Meditate together once a day. Even if it’s just for 5-10 minutes, you need to carve out a moment to be mindful, focus on each other, and slow the world down. [Joseph and I] have been doing it for a couple of years now; it’s totally changed the way we communicate. Meditation reminds us to put each other first; that if we’re focused on each other, we can take on…whatever.”
5. Zeke and Rachelle. Married for 12 Years.
Zeke: “An argument is not a fight and a debate is not an argument. Learn that and you’re home-free. That’s all I got.”
Rachelle: “That advice that you just got? That sums up what it’s like to live with my husband. He’s very cut-and-dry, direct, and not wordy. That used to bug the hell out of me until I realized how wordy I was and then accepted that I wouldn’t want ‘two of me’ in the house [LOL]. He’s right. You can have a difference of opinion, and it be a debate. You can not find a middle ground on something and it turns into an argument. Neither of those is a red flag. It just comes with being with someone who is as much of an individual as you are.”
6. Taurus and Madison. Married for 22 Years.
Taurus: “Be prepared for your partner to change — not a couple of times, quite a bit. And when they change, that alters the relationship because now it’s not the person you stood with on your wedding day; it’s someone else. People get divorced so much because they are inflexible; they expect their spouse to never switch up and that’s just not how life is. If you’re rigid, controlling, or don’t know how to adjust, you don’t need to marry anybody. You’re gonna be miserable, and so will they.”
Madison: “Pray before sex. Before my husband and I got married, we had quite a bit of sexual history that caused us to do some comparing, and that led to resentment. In marriage, we had to adjust to how it’s more than just what we’re getting from another person. Married sex comes with so much more spirituality and responsibility. Prayer before sex reminds us to see it from a spiritual lens — and that makes the experience more intense and sacred. It might sound weird at first. Just try it. I don’t think you’ll regret it at all.”
"Married sex comes with so much more spirituality and responsibility. Prayer before sex reminds us to see it from a spiritual lens — and that makes the experience more intense and sacred."
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7. Karl and LaTasha. Married for 9 Years.
Karl: “Check in with your partner twice a day. In the morning before leaving the house and at night before going to sleep. If you work outside of the home, a lot can happen during the course of one day, so you shouldn’t assume that the person you left in the morning is who you are coming home to. I don’t mean sharing each other’s schedules or to-do lists. I mean, asking your spouse, ‘How are you doing? How are you really doing?’. It’s a smart way to take note of their mood and needs so that you are never blindsided.”
LaTasha: “Give each other some privacy. I have never been the kind of woman to go through a man’s phone, and I won’t start. If you think that you have to be a detective in your relationship, why are you in it in the first place? I know that Karl would give me codes and passwords if I wanted them because we’ve talked about it all before. Knowing that he would is enough for me. Marriage is an institution, but damn, it shouldn’t feel like jail.”
8. Thomas and Wynter. Married for 15 Years.
Thomas: “Ask your partner what their sexual needs are. Never assume that they haven’t changed because if we all agree that we are constantly growing and evolving as people, why would sex be exempt? Don’t personalize what they say about it either. All of us have sexual fantasies and interests that we keep to ourselves because we don’t know what our partner will think or ‘cause we think that they will create stories in their head about what made us think that way. I’ve learned that intimacy is feeling okay with sharing the deep stuff. The more comfortable a man, especially, is with doing that, the better the sex will be for everyone because talking about stuff like that is like taking down some walls.”
Wynter: “It’s okay to take one vacation a year with your girls and one by yourself. Just don’t go with people who don’t have the same standards as you, and as far as your solo venture, it doesn’t need to be longer than a long weekend. One thing that they don’t tell you about marriage is how there are times when you will feel like it is monotonous because of the routine of everything. A girls’ trip reminds you to get back to you outside of being someone’s wife or mom, and the trip alone is when you can sit around and do whatever you have to negotiate most of them. And yes, your man should be given the same courtesy.”
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9. Allen and Yvette. Married for 11 Years.
Allen: “STOP. BRINGING. UP. OLD. SH-T. SH-T. Nothing creates walls in a marriage more than you telling someone that you forgave them, and then the minute something else happens, here you go with the rap sheet of wrongs. Forgiving someone means that you are pardoning them, and that’s not what you’re doing if you’re constantly holding stuff over their head. One thing that marriage will show you is how bad of a forgiver you are. Most people suck at it, if we’re gonna be real about it.”
Yvette: “I already know that some women are going to assume that my man must’ve done something to say all of that (LOL). He’s a much better forgiver than I am, believe it or not. The real plot twist is, what gets on his nerves more than anything, is when I bring up stuff that he’s forgiven me for. Allen is the kind of man [who] hates to live in the past. I’ve grown a lot because of that. I think my advice would be to stay focused on solutions and tomorrow instead of problems and yesterday.”
Allen: “Sh- t, that’s bars, babe!”
Shellie here: INDEED.
10. Brennton and Danyelle. Married for 16 Years.
Brennton: “Why anyone who is trash at forgiving would get married is beyond me. It’s delusional to the nth degree to think that you are worthy of forgiveness and others aren’t — or that what you do isn’t ‘as bad,’ and that’s why you deserve forgiveness and others don’t. My wife and I have a lot of time under our belts. I’m here to tell you that there will be something, daily, that you will need to forgive your partner for on some level. If you can’t see yourself being open to that, marriage simply isn’t for you.”
Danyelle: “I don’t know who taught so many of us that being passive-aggressive will get us what we want, but it’s a damn lie. If something is wrong, stop saying ‘nothing’ when your man asks you what’s up because, if you’ve got a man like mine, he’s gonna say ‘Okay’ and go on about his day. Brennton often says that my refusing to speak isn’t his responsibility, it’s mine. That used to piss me off because, deep down, I knew that he was right. Oh, and chill on the grudge-holding too. With guys, that’s not going to get you anywhere either.”
11. Christopher and Yvonne. Married for 26 Years.
Christopher: “Have more loyalty for your spouse than you do your closest friend. Too many people don’t think like that. If you’ve got a friend since college, you’ve been through some things and you’ve learned to forgive and move past it. If you can’t see your wife or husband in this way, why did you get married? You should never have more grace for someone who you didn’t take vows with; that’s ludicrous. Before anyone else, I’m going to prioritize reconciling with my wife. It’s because I value her more than anyone. That’s what marriage is.”
"Before anyone else, I'm going to prioritize reconciling with my wife. It's because I value her more than anyone. That's what marriage is."
Yvonne: “Even if you’re not about ‘traditional gender roles,’ discuss what the expectations are for the home. People don’t divorce over cheating as much as getting sick of beard clippings in the bathroom sink or cars that look like pocketbooks. When you sign up for marriage, you are doing daily life with another person. Articulate your expectations. Listen to theirs. Be flexible until you both can make it work. Do that, and you’ll look up, and it’s been 20 years already.”
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Gems. Pure gems, y’all.
You know, popular consultant Barbara De Angelis once said, “Marriage is not a noun; it’s a verb. It isn’t something you get. It’s something you do. It’s the way you love your partner every day.” And love? Love is a choice.
And so, whether you’re married, engaged, or simply desire marriage in the future, hopefully, these tips will help you to choose how you love your spouse (or future spouse)…better.
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