In xoNecole's Dope Abodes, we tour the living spaces of millennial women, where they dwell, how they live, and the things they choose to adorn and share their spaces with.
The best things in life are simple and sometimes the most exciting part of waking up is knowing that you're at home. While jet-setting the world and securing a bag may be a whole mood, you also need a peaceful landing strip to recollect and recharge. According to Atlanta native and professional wellness savage, Ashley Marietta, your home should be a place that heals you from the inside out.
The work-from-home creative and her boyfriend, Forte, who is a producer, share a two-bedroom apartment in the Lindbergh area of Atlanta that is abundant with foliage, crystals, and a whole lot of zen. While one room of the house acts as Forte's in-house studio, the rest is adorned with plant life and vintage finds found at thrift stores and estate sales.
The creative says that she inherited a love of plants from her mother, who Ashley hails as a "master gardener", and is now working to cultivate a mini-conservatory of her own while she pursues an education in herbalism. She told xoNecole, "I'm just really in the wellness field. I'm an herbalism student. I love anything that has to do with herbs and nature, natural remedies."
To Ashley, her plants are not only a hub of medicinal properties, but they also hold a great deal of sentimental value. Aside from her aloe vera, majesty palm, and bamboo plants, Ashley says that there is one very special piece of greenery that will forever hold a place in her heart. She shared that when she was fired from the last 9 to 5 she ever had, she left with nothing but a shrub and a dream. She explained, "I love this plant because I got fired from this job and that's the last job I ever had. And when I left I had a piece that was [very small] and I took it with me. And I grew it from there, so that's my baby. We came up out the mud together, literally."
We got a glimpse into this herbal hottie's simple sanctuary on an exclusive tour, where Ashley gives us the details on what she looks for in a home and how to make minimalist magic on a budget:
Manifest & Chill
Photo by Sanniyah Sloan for xoNecole
"I'm not playing about my energy, I sage once a week," she told xoNecole sternly. "I don't even know if the whole crystal vibe is real, but mentally, it makes me feel better, so I keep my crystals on deck. I have crystals everywhere, in the bathroom, on the bookshelf. At the very least, they claim that they deflect cell phone waves, allegedly."
Frugal Finds
Photo by Sanniyah Sloan for xoNecole
"I try to treasure hunt because I'm just now starting to make stable money. So before this point, I had to really hunt for things that were nice but affordable. Even Ross for me was expensive. So I would say thrift stores and estate sales are really cool. Because it's stuff you can't find anywhere else or people are just basically trying to get rid of it."
Vanity Fit For A Queen
Photo by Sanniyah Sloan for xoNecole
"I'm not gonna lie, this is why we even ended up here. This is what sold us on [our home] because we were like, 'Eh, it's okay, whatever.' Then we saw the bathroom, we were like, 'Okay cool.' 'Cause he and I, we used to fight to get ready in the morning to get ready. So it definitely was a selling point," Ashley laughed. "I could stay in here forever. I really take pride in it. When I get ready to go, it's my time to kind of pause and meditate and just take a breather. And then I start getting ready and just zen out instead of rushing like I used to."
Comfy Corner
Photo by Sanniyah Sloan for xoNecole
"My boyfriend and I are both antisocial and we both like to just chill and relax. So even though we're like together in one space, it's not invasive because we're able to do our thing. We'll kind of congregate here which is is why I love this couch."
Vision Boards & Views
Photo by Sanniyah Sloan for xoNecole
In regards to her vision board and its very bold writing of the word "no", Ashley shares a sentiment a lot of us feel about the powerful boundary-setting word. "I just felt like I need to say 'no' more and not out of like negativity, but just out of respect for myself. This is like the year of me focusing on me. I think I was like really considerate of everyone else and helping other people build their brand. So I said, this the year I want to focus on my health, my wealth, be more of an entrepreneur. Just feeling like I don't have to be tethered to people, family and doing what I gotta do for myself and knowing that my wealth will overflow into them. I know that's like complicated but that's literally what I'm thinking when I did this."
Click through the gallery below to tour her dope abode, as well as some of the intimate details that make her apartment feel like home:
Photo by Sanniyah Sloan for xoNecole
Keep up with Ashley by following her on Instagram @AshleyMarietta!
Featured image by Sanniyah Sloan for xoNecole
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Ding. Ding. DING.
A life coach by the name of Thomas Leonard once said that “Clarity affords focus” and, believe you me, when it comes to dealing with other human beings, if you don’t get clear on where you stand when it comes to your interactions with them, you can very easily find yourself “focusing too much” on those who don’t deserve it and too little on those who absolutely do. And y’all, this lil’ PSA couldn’t be more relevant than when it comes to what I call “casual friendships.”
Let’s dig — and for some of us, dig our way out of — what it means to have a casual friend, so that you can get clear on if you really need those in your life…and if so…why?
Article continues after the video.
It Can’t Be Said Enough: Always Remember What “Casual” Means
GiphyThere’s a reason why I decided to share two videos by mental health coach Isaiah Frizzle at the top and bottom of this article. It’s because a lot of what he shares in both of them complements a piece that I wrote for the platform last year entitled, “This Is Just What Purposeful Relationships Look Like.”
It’s the author M. Scott Peck who once said, “Until you value yourself, you won't value your time. Until you value your time, you will not do anything with it” and please believe that the older (and hopefully more mature) you get, the more you tend to see just how valuable — and fleeting — time is; and that is what plays a huge role in motivating you want to only involve yourself with people, places, things and ideas that will honor your time — and when something is casual? In my opinion, it’s highly debatable that it’s worth much of your months, days, hours, or even too many of your minutes.
The main reason why is addressed in an article that I wrote back in the day entitled, “We Should Really Rethink The Term 'Casual Sex.'” The gist? When it comes to relationships, “casual” is certainly not a favorite word of mine because I know what it means. Have mercy — why would you want to invest your time, energy, and emotions into something that is, by definition, apathetic, indifferent, careless, lacking emotional intimacy, and/or is without purpose?
I don’t know about y’all but that sounds like a complete and total crap shoot to me — especially if you are going to go so far as to consider this type of dynamic a true friendship (check out “Ever Wonder If A Friend Is Just...Not That Into You?,” “6 Signs You're About To Make A Huge Mistake In Making Them A Close Friend,” “5 Signs Of A Toxic Friendship That Is Secretly Poisoning Your Life,” “12 Friend Facts That Might Cause You To Rethink (Some Of) Your Own,” and “Less & Less Of Us Have Close Friends These Days. Why Is That?” ).
To me, when you decide to call someone “friend,” it means that they are loyal, reliable, consistent, trustworthy and willing to be there to support you to the very best of their ability — even if it’s inconvenient to do so sometimes (check out “Life Taught Me That True Friendships Are 'Inconvenient'”). How in the world can you expect that from something that has the word “casual” in it?
And you know what? That actually segues into my next point about casual friendships pretty darn well.
Ponder the Purpose “Casual Friends” Serve in Your Life
GiphyA couple of years ago, Verywell Mind published an article entitled, “How the 4 Types of Friendship Fit Into Your Life.” The four that it listed were acquaintances (which I actually don’t consider to be friends; check out “6 Differences Between A Close Acquaintance And An Actual Friend”), casual friends, close friends, and lifelong friends. After reading the piece, I think they consider casual friends to be the “pleasure” friends that I mentioned in the article, “According To Aristotle, We Need ‘Utility’, ‘Pleasure’ & ‘Good’ Friends.”
And although I certainly get that, I think my “cause for pause” is calling those people “friends” when they probably should be called something like an associate or possibly even a buddy instead. Why do I feel this way? Well, I’ve shared in other articles that I think social media has jacked up vocabulary words and their true meaning on a billion different levels.
Take “friend,” for example. Facebook had us out here calling everyone we connected to on their platform “friends” when some of them, we’ve never even spoken to before — and I personally think that influenced, affected and perhaps even infected our psyche to the point where we will call folks, both online and off, “friend” even when they haven’t earned it and/or who possibly don’t deserve it.
That said, do I think that we all could use lighthearted interactions that don’t go very deep and are filled with not much more than fun? Sure. However, if we were to move this over into a sexual thing — those types of people would probably be called a sneaky link, and there is nothing significant or substantial about ‘em. In fact, if anything pretty much automatically comes with an expiration date, sneaky links would have to be it.
And that’s kind of the point that I’m trying to make about a casual friend — so long as you know that the word “casual” is being used to describe them, while you may enjoy the people who fit that bill, they aren’t really anything that you can or even should fully rely on. Instead, take them for what they are and don’t really expect much more than that. Otherwise, you could be in for some profound levels of disappointment. And who wants that?
Final point.
How a Casual Friend Can Become a Huge Red Flag
GiphyI’m telling you, y’all gonna quit clowning Tubi. LOL. To me, the best way to describe it is it’s the Cricket of current streaming apps. What I mean by that is, back when Cricket (the cell phone service) first came out, people, like me, who used it service got incessantly clowned because it was seen as a bootleg provider. Now it’s owned by AT&T, and as someone who has rocked with them since I was in my 20s, I don’t have one regret for doing so. Cricket has always been good to me, chile.
And Tubi? Well, when you get a chance, check out CNBC’s article, “CEO at 33, Tubi’s Anjali Sud on success hacks she learned at Amazon, IAC on way to top of Fox streaming” — take note of the moves the streaming app is making and the quality of programming that is transpiring in real time.
Anyway, I find myself bringing up Tubi more and more in my content because it helps to amplify some of the points that I like to make. This time, it’s a movie that’s (currently) on there calledRight Man, Wrong Woman. If you haven’t seen it before, I don’t want to give too much of the film away. What I will say is that the main female character, she had a casual friend and then she had a close friend.
That casual friend—the one who liked to kick it all of the time—was a lot of fun; however, dealing with her came with a ton of semi-unforeseen consequences. Meanwhile, the close friend? She’s what the Aristotle article (that I mentioned earlier) would call the “good friend” because she tried her best to hold her friend accountable.
And really, it shouldn’t be a shock that the casual friend turned out to be a plum trip because if someone is loads of entertainment and pleasure and yet they are indifferent towards you, they make careless decisions around you and/or they don’t really make known the purpose for you being in their life other than to pass some time — where really do you and that person have to go past drinks after work or dinner on a rooftop restaurant from time to time? And if that is all that the two of you are doing, again, why are they deserving of the word “friend”?
Hmph and don’t get me started on the lack of reciprocity that typically transpires when it comes to dealing with people like this because, while they won’t mind you spending your coins on them, taking their calls in the middle of the night or listening to all of their issues — when it comes time for them to show up for you, they very well may gaslight you into thinking that you are being dramatic, clingy or “doing the most.” Why? Well, it’s mostly because the two of you never really established what the hell the both of you are to one another.
And so, while you’re somewhere taking them seriously, they are out here seeing you casually, and as much as it might hurt to hear, that doesn’t automatically or necessarily make them a bad person. You shouldn’t expect much where no clarity is involved. After all, casual is just that: CASUAL.
____
I’m hoping that you can now see why I entitled this piece in the way that I did. It’s because a red flag is pretty much a warning, and to me, a casual friend is about as big of an oxymoron (again, to me) as casual sex is. Friends and sex are both too intimate to be seen or treated casually. Oh, but if you step out and take that risk, you could find yourself getting far more involved than the other individual ever wanted to go, because casual is how things have always been. “Friend” was simply to get you more mentally and emotionally invested. SMDH.
American columnist Walter Winchell once said, “A real friend is one who walks in when the rest of the world walks out.” A wise person once said, “One good friendship will outlive forty average loves." Former President Ulysses S. Grant once said, “The friend in my adversity I shall always cherish most. I can better trust those who helped to relieve the gloom of my dark hours than those who are so ready to enjoy with me the sunshine of my prosperity.” Does any of this sound casual to you? Yeah, me neither.
Again, I’m not saying that you shouldn’t have people in your life who aren’t on deep levels. I’m just saying that you might want to consider putting them into another category than friend, because what friends do for people? There ain’t nothin’ even remotely casual about it, sis. Not even a lil’ bit.
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