In xoNecole's Dope Abodes, we tour the living spaces of millennial women, where they dwell, how they live, and the things they choose to adorn and share their spaces with.
The stay-at-home struggle isn't nearly as stressful when you actually like where you live, which is exactly why Atlanta-based plant mom Domonique Shante has carefully curated a simple sanctuary that meets her needs in all the best ways.
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Before the pandemic, Domonique invited xoNecole into her dope abode for an exclusive home tour where she gave us all the details on how to make your home a hub for creativity, which, according to this marketing manager starts with making your space your own. "I wanted to slowly put together a more eclectic feel. Because when I first moved in, it was very minimalistic and everything was cream. I liked that but it's not super practical to keep that up and it just got kind of boring after a while."
"I started l switching things up and putting things in different random places," Dominique explained, "Like my 'Brainstorm Boulevard' sign––I found that a marketing trade show––and I just threw that in there."
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As the creator of the Livre Cafe, an online book club community with a focus on Black literature and art, the budding horticulturist says that she often retreats to her creative corner whenever she's feeling inspired. A dedicated plant mom, artist, and book enthusiast, Domonique shared that because she wears so many creative hats, it was important that her dwelling keep that same energy. She told xoNecole, "It's a very open space, like a blank canvas. I get to do whatever I want with it."
We talked more with Domonique about her museum of books, why every home needs a creative corner, and how she keeps more than 15 house plants alive and thriving at the same damn time. Here's what we learned:
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Book Club
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Reading represents a large part of Domonique's identity. As an avid reader, she has a goal to read at least 30 books a year. That passion was partially what led to her founding her company, Livre Cafe. The other part? A lack of representation. "I've always been a reader. I've always loved reading. And it got to the point where I would go out, I would buy books, I would see what's popular, what should I read next. And it was all either white artists or white writers or white adjacent. So I was like, you know what, I'm gonna just put it put together a blog so everybody can have at least a syllabus or somewhere to refer to you if they want it to read Black stories by Black people."
Her love of Black literature also lends itself to a lot of her apartment's decor choices. "I like to use my favorite things as decorations. I like plants as decorations. I love to even use books as decorations, and I change things around a lot. So, I strategically placed certain books in certain places just as representations of who I think I am."
Nature Feels
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The 29-year-old considers her 15 plants her babies and named them all, sometimes after writers she loves. From the fiddle-leaf fig named Malachi to the snake plant and pearl plant named Audre Lorde and James Baldwin respectively, her creativity drips even from the leaves of the unique decorations that line her place.
For anyone who desires to hone their green thumb, Domonique offered this sage advice: "The easiest way to become a plant mom is to buy two plants, learn what your plants are, and learn how to take care of them. Once you master the plant that you have, or the plants if you want two––I always say get two to start––but once you master the ones you have, then you become more comfortable and you can get more."
Around The Globe
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Domonique incorporates tangible memories she brings back from her travels into her space as well. She noted an eclectic cushion she got from Morocco as well as bookends she brought from her time in Wales and Amsterdam as standout decor pieces that add color and texture to her home while adding a one-of-kind piece of history.
The Creative Nook
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The living room of Domonique's two-bedroom apartment is one of her favorite spaces for a couple of reasons. Not only is it the focal point of her plant haven and extensive book sanctuary, it also doubles as her own creative space. "When I tell you this is my favorite spot in the house, this is my favorite spot," Domonique explained. "I haven't painted in a long time but I used to, that used to be part of my routine. I would come home, sit down for a minute, read, and then try to finish a painting. I still have three unfinished paintings over there that I haven't touched."
The Connecticut native's weapon of choice is acrylic on canvas, something she fell into because of the matriarch of her family. "My grandmother was an artist, so I used to paint with her and then I stopped. I don't really know why. She would buy me all these supplies and I just didn't do it. And it wasn't until actually after she died and she left me a bunch of her supplies, I brought them back home from Connecticut and I was like, 'I want to paint something.' And I just started painting after that."
Tuned-In
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"My newest thing is my record player. I love it. My first record is a comedy record by Jimmy Walker. I'm a huge Good Times fan. So that's like one of my favorite things in my house right now other than my plants."
Click through the gallery below to tour her dope abode, as well as some of the intimate details that make her apartment feel like home:
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For more of Domonique, follow her here!
Featured image by Terrence Porter for xoNecole.
Now masterdating? Even though it’s not even close to being a “real” word, it’s something that also brought a laugh outta me — although it was then followed by a genuine smile. The laugh because I almost immediately caught the play-on-words. The smile was due to the intention behind it all.
If you’re not familiar with what masterdating is and you’re curious about why you should even care, take a few moments to at least skim through what it’s about and why I think participating, as a single person, is a pretty cool (and effective) concept.
@knotlukas Masturdate: a date w oneself
What’s Masterdating All About?
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Masterdating. Okay, so let the word marinate for just a moment. What does it sound like? Yeah…exactly. And since a huge part of masturbation centers around self-pleasure, it’s cool to explore how “self-dating” could produce similar (as far as pleasure is concerned in a broader sense) results. Because masterdating is all about spending quality time with yourself, pampering yourself, treating yourself— and yes, taking yourself out on dates.
Any of you who may think that masterdating is a consolation prize — and a pitiful one at that — for not being able to go out with another human being or get that dream $200 first date that social media was all in a tizzy about last year (bookmark that) — personally, I think that you’re the demographic who needs to try out masterdating first and the most. Why? Off top, I’ll share my three good reasons.
3 Reasons To Strongly Consider Masterdating
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1. It’s an intimate way to get to know yourself better. I’ve been working with couples for a pretty long time at this point and if there’s a pattern that I see arise, OFTEN, it’s that two people are oftentimes so busy trying to “find their person” that they didn’t even know who they were. As a direct result, they found themselves in a relationship with someone who only complemented the “kiddie pool version” of who they were.
That’s why it can be so beneficial to spend time getting to know yourself on the “deep end” of things: what makes you tick, what your passions are, what you want most out of life, what are your interests beyond obvious things — and masterdating can help you to discover all of this. Whether it’s traveling alone or taking out a weekend to drink some wine and journal, the more you get to know yourself, the clearer you’ll be about who complements you on a romantic and friendship level.
2. It will definitely help to boost your confidence levels. I guess since I’m an ambivert, I don’t really get why people freak out at the mere thought of going to a restaurant or movie alone. Personally, I think it requires a helluva lot more energy and gumption to wait around and plan stuff with other people (#Elmoshrug). However, whether you’re an introvert, extrovert, or ambivert, there’s no way around the fact that the more comfortable you get with doing things alone, the more your confidence levels will increase — no, soar — because of it.
One article that I read on the topic said that doing things alone can make you more creative, improve your mental health, and help you to be totally okay with being alone (so that you’re not “needy” for other people’s attention). A psychotherapist from a New York Times article on the benefits of spending time alone said, “Getting better at identifying moments when we need solitude to recharge and reflect can help us better handle negative emotions and experiences, like stress and burnout.” And when you’re able to stare negativity in its face without flinching, how could that not make you bolder, more self-secure, and hopeful about your life?
3. It will teach you to value your time more effectively. In every facet of your world, you’re gonna operate from a healthier place if you’re operating from a “full cup” rather than an empty one. When it comes to this topic, think about it — if you’re constantly waiting on someone to call you to go out or wishing for a dream date with some guy, all you’re doing is wasting precious time that you could be spending taking a cooking class or hell, hiring a chef to make you dinner at your own home.
Indeed, waiting has two sides to it: when it’s in the form of patience, it is indeed a virtue, yet when it’s wrapped up in the notion that you’re not really living life unless you have an audience…it is totally working against you. Choose wisely.
10 Solo Date Ideas To Help You To “Master” Masterdating
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So, what if you’re someone who has either never considered actually masterdating before or you don’t really know what to do beyond dinner and the movies? Here are a few ideas to consider:
1. Attend a workshop or masterclass that you’re interested in. If there’s something that you’ve always wanted to learn, sign up for a workshop or masterclass. The cool thing about this option is there are probably some in your city, as well as some that you can find online (like here) that are convenient and affordable.
2. Binge-read at a local coffee shop. Aside from their coziness and oftentimes inviting scents, I once read that a lot of us gravitate to coffee shops because we can be around people without having to actually socialize with them. So, if you want to “hang out” while still being able to enjoy a bit of solitude, take a book that you’ve been trying to finish to a local coffee shop, order your favorite latte, and sit in a big-ass comfy chair. Usually, you can sit there for hours, and the staff will be just fine with it (another bonus).
3. Have a spa day in the next town. You can never go wrong with a spa day. And while going with a friend can be fun, sometimes there’s too much talking transpiring to be able to fully chill out and relax. So, go off of the grid, get a change of scenery, and hit up a spa in the next city (or town). There are lots of studies out here supporting that day trips or “daycations” can actually be really good for your long-term health and well-being.
4. See a community play. Some of the best solo dates that I’ve ever been on consisted of taking in some of the local arts in my city. What’s really cool about this particular option is, oftentimes, they are extremely inexpensive, if not totally free of charge (in exchange for making a donation or putting money into a tip jar).
5. Plan a trip. Whenever people say something along the lines of, “If you don’t expect anything, you won’t be disappointed,” I know that they low-key have some (additional) healing to do from past disappointments. There’s simply too much intel out here to support that anticipation (of good stuff) makes us more motivated and optimistic, keeps our dopamine levels up, and makes life more exciting overall.
Since traveling alone is more cost-effective, gives you the freedom to do whatever you want (when you want), and increases the possibility of meeting new people and having new experiences on your journey — why not devote a day this weekend to planning a solo trip? All the way around, it’s good for you.
6. Try your hand at your own “$200 date.” Uh-huh. Roll your eyes if you want to, but it’s real easy to talk left about how a man should be able to just drop $200 like it’s nothing…until you actually try to do it. So yes, while taking yourself out on this type of date could serve as a bit of a reality check, it can also “scratch the itch” of waiting on some dude to do it for you. It’s also way less emotionally draining because, at least when you’re taking your own self out, it’s guaranteed that you’ll enjoy the company…right?
7. DIY some pampering. When you get a chance, check out “5 Reasons You Should Unapologetically Pamper Yourself,” “Want To Love On Yourself? Try These 10 Things At Home.,” “I’ve Got Some Ways For You To Start Pampering Your Soul,” and “When's The Last Time You Actually Pampered Your Vagina?” The bottom line here is pampering is all about, not mere self-maintenance; it’s all about treating yourself to levels of EXTREME SELF-INDULGENCE. So, if nothing else tickles your fancy on this list, at least consider doing that, chile.
8. Feed your creativity. Something that I used to be really good at is art. That said, one of my goddaughters is insanely talented, so she has reminded me to tap back into it. Also, a big part of what got me into the writing world is poetry; I actually used to be a house poet at a local spot. Sometimes, my best quality time moments with myself have been revisiting these creative sides of me — and this is definitely easier to do (and enjoy) alone.
9. Try some stargazing. When’s the last time you took a blanket into your backyard, laid down on it, and just stared at the stars for hours on end? While some say that stargazing can teach you to be mindful, others say that being in that form of nature reduces stress, while others believe that looking up at the universe at night can increase your attention span. All solid reasons to give it a shot, if you ask me.
10. DO. ABSOLUTELY. NOTHING. Let me tell you something that nobody will ever be able to make me feel bad about: doing absolutely nothing. I’ve got data to back me up. Good Housekeeping shares that doing nothing can help you decide how you want to respond or react to certain things. I like howThe Guardian says that taking this approach helps you to regain control of what you give your attention to.
TIME magazine says that it can ultimately make you more productive.BBC offers up that it can help you tap into your ingenuity.Henry Ford Health says that it can make you kinder and a better problem-solver. So, if you want to invest in yourself, do nothing sometimes.
Closing Thoughts from the Lovely Javicia Leslie
While some of y'all may know Javicia Leslie from being the former Batwoman, I discovered her back in the day from the indie series Chef Julian (and yes, "Julian" was right to say that "Mo" looks like Tatyana Ali...the real ones know). Sometimes I'll hop on her IG to see what she's got going on and this story popped up within a few hours of me penning this...so, I took it as hella confirmation.
TREAT YO SELF. WAIT FOR NO ONE.
WAIT FOR NO ONE. TREAT YO SELF.
RINSE AND REPEAT.
_____
Sooo…what kind of masterdating plans do you have for this coming weekend? While going out with others has its perks, hanging out with yourself has a ton of ‘em too. Enjoy!
No…for real. ENJOY!
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