

6 Career Women On The Biggest Lessons Learned In Their Respective Fields
Last year, a Fast Company article addressed the lack of diversity in the millennial wave of networking conferences. Thankfully, many women are rising to meet this need in the community and churning out incredible events that leave attendees motivated to pursue their passions across fickle industries. We all know representation is nothing short of everything, so it's amazing to see these conferences grow and deliver impactful content.
I recently attended a panel discussion hosted by Every Stylish Girl, a space for stylish women of color to break barriers and empower future bosses. The networking Sip N' Slay brunch and panel event featured prominent women of color from music, fashion, public relations and even television. A vibrant energy filled the room and everyone whipped out their trendiest pieces for a celebratory day of workin' women of color. How could you NOT stan?! The spirit of embracing your success while also owning the trials along the way was the relatable representation I didn't know I needed.
Here's a recap of a few motivational gems from amazing women of color paving the way and driving impact in their respective fields.
Ashley Blaine Featherson, Actress
Ashley Blaine Featherson is the actress behind a key character, Joelle, in the original Netflix comedy-drama series Dear White People. Ashley joined the discussion determined to relay the trials behind the great triumphs of her journey.
She affirmed to a crowd of 20-somethings that you WILL make it to the other side of your quarter-life crisis:
"I was feeling so down and out at 26, but when you wake up at 31, life is going to be so different and you are going to be so grateful for the trials and tribulations you are going through right now."
I admire her radical transparency and her desire for everyone to know the true journey of her career. She mentioned the success she's experiencing now came at a price: over a decade of hard work and dedication.
"I've been here for almost 10 years, so know that there have been more trials than triumphs in my life, particularly in my career. That's why I'm very transparent about my age because I don't want anyone to think that I just got here. No, I've been grinding for a decade."
Literally counting down until she releases her podcast titled "Trials & Tribulations". Stay tuned.
Sarissa Thrower, Communications Manager at Instagram
As I mentioned earlier, relatable representation is everything. Being a black woman in the corporate entertainment world at the beginning of her career and hearing an accomplished black woman affirm the underlying micro-aggressions behind comments about your "tone" is the reason why these events are so important.
Amongst the gems Sarissa Thrower happened to toss our way, my favorite were her thoughts on the importance of identifying the privilege you do have in the workplace and leveraging it to create opportunities for others who would not have had said opportunity. She mentioned in her current position, she is constantly mindful of her ability to provide a platform for other people and the ripple effects that opportunity could have in the community. Sis, you are appreciated!
Kamie Crawford, Host, Model, Content Creator
Kamie Crawford is the connector you need in your circle. Not only did she help her friend land a role as Anna Wintour's assistant, but her determination to see all her friends win definitely gave her the good karma she deserved. Kamie spoke in great length about her career and how she consistently pushed herself to go after the things she knew she enjoyed and was passionate about. She continues to grind while landing big gigs, such as her recurring stint as co-host on MTV's Catfish.
When asked about getting a foot in the door in the LA broadcast industry, she mentioned the importance of stalking. Don't be afraid to track down a host/producer on the show you want and pitch segment ideas. Get creative!
Melissa Victor, Senior Vice President at Sony Music
I applaud Melissa Victor's gracious grit and her transparency about her path to becoming a Senior Vice President at Sony Music. Melissa's current role sounds like the career you achieve in your dreams where you're planning marketing campaigns for iconic artists like Janet Jackson and Lenny Kravitz. The steps she took to get there are where the true lessons lie.
Not only was Melissa on the path to law school, she was also working at a law firm after graduating. Once realizing her dream of pursuing a career in music, she dropped the legal job, moved back in with the parents and got an entertainment internship for a small weekly stipend. In hindsight, this career choice definitely paid off but it's such a lesson on the necessary sacrifices for pursuing a dream in a tough industry like entertainment. Who better to invest in than yourself?
Ade Samuel, Celebrity Stylist
Ade Samuel joined the panel and equipped us with everything we needed through her fun, relatable personality and strong work ethic. Ade has a celebrity roster that includes favorites like zaddy Big Sean and our favorite activist/actress Yara Shahidi.
What most resonated with me was her confidence in her seat at the table:
"For me what was most important was finding my seat at the table and making sure that I was seen. Even though I was one of four black people, I would always find myself going into those meetings and making sure my opinion was stated; regardless of how others may have felt about it."
This really hit home because after getting into a room, it's so easy for impostor syndrome to take over and feel like you do not belong. Ade affirmed you indeed belong at that table and the table actually benefits from what you contribute to it. Speak up, girl!
Samira Ibrahim, Director of Base Communications
Samira Ibrahim contributed the entrepreneurial perspective of quitting a stable 9 to 5, and embarking on a journey full of great risk but also huge rewards. She admits the greatest risk she took was betting on herself. Samira was confident she could create the work and lifestyle she wanted without relying on a corporate gig to provide that. With that, she stepped beyond the bubble of security and established Base Communications. Hearing the journey of a young entrepreneur firsthand is something that everyone can relate to in their career journeys.
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Featured image by Ade Samuel/Instagram
Exclusive: Gabrielle Union On Radical Transparency, Being Diagnosed With Perimenopause And Embracing What’s Next
Whenever Gabrielle Union graces the movie screen, she immediately commands attention. From her unforgettable scenes in films like Bring It On and Two Can Play That Game to her most recent film, in which she stars and produces Netflix’s The Perfect Find, there’s no denying that she is that girl.
Off-screen, she uses that power for good by sharing her trials and tribulations with other women in hopes of helping those who may be going through the same things or preventing them from experiencing them altogether. Recently, the Flawless by Gabrielle Union founder partnered with Clearblue to speak at the launch of their Menopause Stage Indicator, where she also shared her experience with being perimenopausal.
In a xoNecoleexclusive, the iconic actress opens up about embracing this season of her life, new projects, and overall being a “bad motherfucker.” Gabrielle reveals that she was 37 years old when she was diagnosed with perimenopause and is still going through it at 51 years old. Mayo Clinic says perimenopause “refers to the time during which your body makes the natural transition to menopause, marking the end of the reproductive years.”
“I haven't crossed over the next phase just yet, but I think part of it is when you hear any form of menopause, you automatically think of your mother or grandmother. It feels like an old-person thing, but for me, I was 37 and like not understanding what that really meant for me. And I don't think we focus so much on the word menopause without understanding that perimenopause is just the time before menopause,” she tells us.
Gabrielle Union
Photo by Brian Thomas
"But you can experience a lot of the same things during that period that people talk about, that they experienced during menopause. So you could get a hot flash, you could get the weight gain, the hair loss, depression, anxiety, like all of it, mental health challenges, all of that can come, you know, at any stage of the menopausal journey and like for me, I've been in perimenopause like 13, 14 years. When you know, most doctors are like, ‘Oh, but it's usually about ten years, and I'm like, ‘Uhh, I’m still going (laughs).’”
Conversations about perimenopause, fibroids, and all the things that are associated with women’s bodies have often been considered taboo and thus not discussed publicly. However, times are changing, and thanks to the Gabrielle’s and the Tia Mowry’s, more women are having an authentic discourse about women’s health. These open discussions lead to the creation of more safe spaces and support for one another.
“I want to be in community with folks. I don't ever want to feel like I'm on an island about anything. So, if I can help create community where we are lacking, I want to be a part of that,” she says. “So, it's like there's no harm in talking about it. You know what I mean? Like, I was a bad motherfucker before perimenopause. I’m a bad motherfucker now, and I'll be a bad motherfucker after menopause. Know what I’m saying? None of that has to change. How I’m a bad motherfucker, I welcome that part of the change. I'm just getting better and stronger and more intelligent, more wise, more patient, more compassionate, more empathetic. All of that is very, very welcomed, and none of it should be scary.”
The Being Mary Jane star hasn’t been shy about her stance on therapy. If you don’t know, here’s a hint: she’s all for it, and she encourages others to try it as well. She likens therapy to dating by suggesting that you keep looking for the right therapist to match your needs. Two other essential keys to her growth are radical transparency and radical acceptance (though she admits she is still working on the latter).
"I was a bad motherfucker before perimenopause. I’m a bad motherfucker now, and I'll be a bad motherfucker after menopause. Know what I’m saying? None of that has to change. How I’m a bad motherfucker, I welcome that part of the change."
Gabrielle Union and Kaavia Union-Wade
Photo by Monica Schipper/Getty Images
“I hope that a.) you recognize that you're not alone. Seek out help and know that it's okay to be honest about what the hell is happening in your life. That's the only way that you know you can get help, and that's also the only other way that people know that you are in need if there's something going on,” she says, “because we have all these big, very wild, high expectations of people, but if they don't know what they're actually dealing with, they're always going to be failing, and you will always be disappointed. So how about just tell the truth, be transparent, and let people know where you are. So they can be of service, they can be compassionate.”
Gabrielle’s transparency is what makes her so relatable, and has so many people root for her. Whether through her TV and film projects, her memoirs, or her social media, the actress has a knack for making you feel like she’s your homegirl. Scrolling through her Instagram, you see the special moments with her family, exciting new business ventures, and jaw-dropping fashion moments. Throughout her life and career, we’ve seen her evolve in a multitude of ways. From producing films to starting a haircare line to marriage and motherhood, her journey is a story of courage and triumph. And right now, in this season, she’s asking, “What’s next?”
“This is a season of discovery and change. In a billion ways,” says the NAACP Image Award winner. “The notion of like, ‘Oh, so and so changed. They got brand new.’ I want you to be brand new. I want me to be brand new. I want us to be always constantly growing, evolving. Having more clarity, moving with different purpose, like, and all of that is for me very, very welcomed."
"I want you to be brand new. I want me to be brand new. I want us to be always constantly growing, evolving. Having more clarity, moving with different purpose, like, and all of that is for me very, very welcomed."
She continues, “So I'm just trying to figure out what's next. You know what I mean? I'm jumping into what's next. I'm excited going into what's next and new. I'm just sort of embracing all of what life has to offer.”
Look out for Gabrielle in the upcoming indie film Riff Raff, which is a crime comedy starring her and Jennifer Coolidge, and she will also produce The Idea of You, which stars Anne Hathaway.
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Feature image by Mike Lawrie/Getty Images
I didn’t think much could get better about the blissful high that comes with oral. That was until I came across the Kivin Method.
As someone who was never a huge fan of oral sex and could largely take it or leave it, I must admit that I have started to come around in recent years. With my head thrown back, hands gripping sheets and hair, and toes curling from the intense sensations of the work my partner is putting in at my center, I now give myself over to the pleasurable act wholly and unapologetically.
When I came across a way to maximize the pleasure I receive from cunnilingus (already), I had no choice but to tap in. Who knew the key to taking oral sex to new heights was giving it a sideways twist? For those of you who might also be interested in ways to spice up the way you do oral, experience faster and stronger orgasms, or simply want to indulge in something new with your partner, the Kivin Method could definitely be the oral sex technique for you, too.
Keep reading to learn about the method that is sure to have you writhing in ecstasy in no time at all.
What Is The Kivin Method?
For the uninitiated, the Kivin Method is an oral sex technique that focuses on stimulating the clitoris from a different angle. Dubbed “sideways oral” by some, this method involves the action of giving head from a side-to-side movement as opposed to the up-and-down motion that people typically perform when giving head. (If you need a visual, this illustration is helpful.)
The difference in approach as you’re receiving head can be a game-changer in how you receive pleasure. Not only does the giving partner have access to the clitoris, but they can also access more easily the vulva and the labia, which are objectively a bigger focus in this version of cunnilingus. More access means wider coverage, and that, plus the new sensation of oral from a different angle, can heighten the way you experience oral sex that much more.
Where more pleasure flows, intense orgasms are sure to follow.
Getty Images
How To Do The Kivin Method
If you want to know how to do the Kivin Method, it’s actually pretty straightforward. The receiver lays on their back while the giver positions themselves perpendicular to the receiver. Their head will be facing the vulva, but instead of vertical, their face will be horizontal to the vulva.
From there, the giver can get to business, ensuring that they keep their head perpendicular to the receiver’s vulva while working on their craft. Because this technique can be more intense for some receivers, start slowly by stroking the vulva and clitoris sideways with the tongue, and allow sensations and communication from the receiver to be a guide of what you need more or less of with the Kivin Method.
Ultimately, the Kivin Method allows experimentation and unlocking what pressure, rhythm, and tricks work best for the giver and the receiver. Try implementing a finger or two, or adding a sex toy to the mix to intensify the act even further.
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Featured image by Delmaine Donson/Getty Images