Your Quarter Life Crisis Is Just One Stop On The Way To Living Your Best Life
For as long as I can remember the words, "Oh. You're still young, you've got time," and any variation of this failed attempt at advising the young, have driven me beyond insanity.
Foremost, it's almost always condescending. Followed by that is the reality that the advice is also false.
If there's one thing you learn quickly in life, is that time is not endless and on a deeper note, tomorrow is never promised. Furthermore, it comes and goes at lightning speed. The old adage "time flies when you're having fun" has likely been confused with "time flies when self-medicating with bottomless mimosas and wine nights" by decades of adults. And that's where I'm at with it.
So when you tell me I have all this time in the world before I settle into a career, start a family, or whatever, I have to wonder where this time is that you speak of. I imagine that the next 25 years will come and go just as quickly as the first. And, with 30 knocking on my door, what will you tell me then? That I still have time?
I watched my life unravel after being laid off just days before my 24th birthday. Feeling the relief that came with knowing a higher power gave me an easy out from a job I hated and yet the stress of being uncertain that this higher power would catch me during this freefall, weirdly made me feel depressed and more pressed for time than ever.
I knew all of my interests and didn't know how to spin that into a career I could love for the rest of my life.
Watching your friends thrive in a seemingly effortless manner, all the while feeling like your direction is unclear or that you're not doing enough in the pursuit of your success (whatever that should mean to you) can feel a lot like going into crisis mode -- or, better yet, Quarter Life Crisis mode. And if you're currently in the throes of a quarter-life crisis it can feel like a downward spiral.
So, how do you ensure that you don't fall prey to one "make or break" moment with the rest of your life ahead of you? What is one to do if and when you find yourself questioning everything you've done up until now, and everything you want to do do moving forward? Well, I spoke with self-care experts to best offer some helpful tips on using this stage as a time to flourish instead of crumble under the pressures of growing up in the digital age where everyone's moves are so visible.
Learn more about what these experts had to say by clicking through the gallery below:
Bring the focus back to you.
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"Step away from social media or other places people will be tempted to compare themselves to others. Also, remember that peers usually post the good things they accomplish, not the full complexity of how difficult life is. Clarify your values."
"What is important to you? What do you want to strive for? What kind of person do you want to be?"
"Define goals. Maybe the old goals don't make sense any more. Maybe they need to be adjusted for what life is like now. And maybe they've been accomplished and it's time to find new ones. Cultivate appreciation for how far you've come and everything you've done, whether or not your challenges were expected."
- Stephanie Bloodworth, a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist
Let go of control.
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"When our lives are not going exactly as planned, sit back and ask ourselves, 'What can I learn from this situation?' Then express to the universe, and say, 'Thank you for the lessons learned, I am ready to move on now.' Releasing the need to control the outcome, and accepting each life experience as a beautiful learning experience."
- Stacee McGee, certified life coach and energy healer
Be the master of your life.
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"Create a plan of action of what you truly want to do in life. Don't conform to societal or parental pressures of what you should be doing. Live your life with joy and purpose. A life with meaning is more fulfilling than a life with money."
- Avni Parekh, author of self-help book Be The Bigger Person: Scenarios & Solutions to Better Yourself
Practice mindfulness.
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"Remember to be kind to yourself. We tend to over-judge ourselves and overlook our successes. Another thing that helps to deal with it is to be in the moment. This is hard for many because we always want to change the past or predict the future, so we are scared of letting go in the moment. Often we future trip and don't enjoy where we are because we are already on to the next thing. We are busy being busy."
"Often, we future trip and don't enjoy where we are."
"So when you are in the future or past, come back to the moment by focusing on your breathing, breaking state or focusing on what you are grateful for. Think about what you want to do now and how to get it. Do one thing at a time and avoid distractions. Most importantly, focus on being the best version of you in the present moment."
- Ruth Kudzi, a qualified mindfulness and business coach for female entrepreneurs
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It's imperative that we take advantage of the newfound opportunities we've been presented with. Thus, we must relish in the moment, frustration and all. Immerse ourselves in these changes and create a life that we want. A life to call our own.
Want more stories like this? Check out these related xoNecole reads:
5 Ways To Push Through A Quarter Life Crisis
These People & Places Help Me Find Inspiration When I'm Feeling Stuck
12 Podcasts For Women Trying To Glow Up This Year
How To Use Social Media To Manifest Your Dreams
Featured image by Getty Images
- Encountering a Quarter-life Crisis? You're Not Alone… | Official ... ›
- More than half of millennials going through 'quarter-life crisis ... ›
- Powering Through Your Quarter-Life Crisis ›
- Urban Dictionary: quarter life crisis ›
- Why Millennials Need Quarter-Life Crises | Psychology Today ›
- Millennials, This Is What Your Quarter-Life Crisis Is Telling You ›
- 25 Signs You're Having a Quarter Life Crisis ›
- How to Overcome Your Quarter-Life Crisis ›
Motor City native, Atlanta living. Sagittarius. Writer. Sexpert. Into all things magical, mystical, and unknown. I'll try anything at least once but you knew that the moment I revealed that I was a Sag.
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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Rihanna Talks Shedding Expectations And Finding Balance As A Mother
Since becoming a mother in 2022, Rihanna has defined parenthood by her terms and hopes to pass that sense of autonomy on to her children.
For Vogue China’s April cover story, Rihanna shared her perspective on raising her two sons with A$AP Rocky, and how she hopes to preserve her children’s uniqueness, devoid of societal expectations.
"The most beautiful thing...is that [children] come into the world with their own individuality and sincerity, without any logic or conformity,” she told the publication. “Which usually makes you feel that you must fit into a certain group."
The “Work” artist, known for her trendsetting style and captivating persona, expressed her desire to support children in fully embracing their individuality and encouraging them to be whoever they want to be. "It's really beautiful to see and I want to continue to help them navigate that and make sure that they know they can be whoever they want to be,” she says.
She continues, “They should embrace it completely, because it's beautiful, and it's unique. I love them just that way."
From shattering music charts to shaking up the beauty industry, Rihanna has forged a path that has since created the “dream” life we see today. One that she says has made her parents proud of.
“I’m living my dream,” she continued. “My parents were very proud of that because they just wanted me to be happy and successful. So, I think the key thing is to find some kind of balance. Yes, balance is important. Do this and you get the best of both worlds. You can write your own life the way you want, and it will be beautiful. Sometimes, you just need to let go of everyone’s expectations and start living your own story.”
Rihanna, who shares sons, RZA, 23 months, and Riot, 8 months, with rapper A$AP Rocky, recently shared her vision for expanding her family in the future in Interview Magazine.
When stylist Mel Ottenberg asked about the number of additional children she hoped to have, Rihanna replied, "As many as God wants me to have.”
"I don't know what God wants, but I would go for more than two. I would try for my girl,” she adds. “But of course, if it's another boy, it's another boy."
Featured image by Neil MockfordWireImage