For as long as I can remember the words, "Oh. You're still young, you've got time," and any variation of this failed attempt at advising the young, have driven me beyond insanity.
Foremost, it's almost always condescending. Followed by that is the reality that the advice is also false.
If there's one thing you learn quickly in life, is that time is not endless and on a deeper note, tomorrow is never promised. Furthermore, it comes and goes at lightning speed. The old adage "time flies when you're having fun" has likely been confused with "time flies when self-medicating with bottomless mimosas and wine nights" by decades of adults. And that's where I'm at with it.
So when you tell me I have all this time in the world before I settle into a career, start a family, or whatever, I have to wonder where this time is that you speak of. I imagine that the next 25 years will come and go just as quickly as the first. And, with 30 knocking on my door, what will you tell me then? That I still have time?
I watched my life unravel after being laid off just days before my 24th birthday. Feeling the relief that came with knowing a higher power gave me an easy out from a job I hated and yet the stress of being uncertain that this higher power would catch me during this freefall, weirdly made me feel depressed and more pressed for time than ever.
I knew all of my interests and didn't know how to spin that into a career I could love for the rest of my life.
Watching your friends thrive in a seemingly effortless manner, all the while feeling like your direction is unclear or that you're not doing enough in the pursuit of your success (whatever that should mean to you) can feel a lot like going into crisis mode -- or, better yet, Quarter Life Crisis mode. And if you're currently in the throes of a quarter-life crisis it can feel like a downward spiral.
So, how do you ensure that you don't fall prey to one "make or break" moment with the rest of your life ahead of you? What is one to do if and when you find yourself questioning everything you've done up until now, and everything you want to do do moving forward? Well, I spoke with self-care experts to best offer some helpful tips on using this stage as a time to flourish instead of crumble under the pressures of growing up in the digital age where everyone's moves are so visible.
Learn more about what these experts had to say by clicking through the gallery below:
Bring the focus back to you.
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"Step away from social media or other places people will be tempted to compare themselves to others. Also, remember that peers usually post the good things they accomplish, not the full complexity of how difficult life is. Clarify your values."
"What is important to you? What do you want to strive for? What kind of person do you want to be?"
"Define goals. Maybe the old goals don't make sense any more. Maybe they need to be adjusted for what life is like now. And maybe they've been accomplished and it's time to find new ones. Cultivate appreciation for how far you've come and everything you've done, whether or not your challenges were expected."
- Stephanie Bloodworth, a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist
Let go of control.
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"When our lives are not going exactly as planned, sit back and ask ourselves, 'What can I learn from this situation?' Then express to the universe, and say, 'Thank you for the lessons learned, I am ready to move on now.' Releasing the need to control the outcome, and accepting each life experience as a beautiful learning experience."
- Stacee McGee, certified life coach and energy healer
Be the master of your life.
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"Create a plan of action of what you truly want to do in life. Don't conform to societal or parental pressures of what you should be doing. Live your life with joy and purpose. A life with meaning is more fulfilling than a life with money."
- Avni Parekh, author of self-help book Be The Bigger Person: Scenarios & Solutions to Better Yourself
Practice mindfulness.
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"Remember to be kind to yourself. We tend to over-judge ourselves and overlook our successes. Another thing that helps to deal with it is to be in the moment. This is hard for many because we always want to change the past or predict the future, so we are scared of letting go in the moment. Often we future trip and don't enjoy where we are because we are already on to the next thing. We are busy being busy."
"Often, we future trip and don't enjoy where we are."
"So when you are in the future or past, come back to the moment by focusing on your breathing, breaking state or focusing on what you are grateful for. Think about what you want to do now and how to get it. Do one thing at a time and avoid distractions. Most importantly, focus on being the best version of you in the present moment."
- Ruth Kudzi, a qualified mindfulness and business coach for female entrepreneurs
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It's imperative that we take advantage of the newfound opportunities we've been presented with. Thus, we must relish in the moment, frustration and all. Immerse ourselves in these changes and create a life that we want. A life to call our own.
Want more stories like this? Check out these related xoNecole reads:
5 Ways To Push Through A Quarter Life Crisis
These People & Places Help Me Find Inspiration When I'm Feeling Stuck
12 Podcasts For Women Trying To Glow Up This Year
How To Use Social Media To Manifest Your Dreams
Featured image by Getty Images
- Encountering a Quarter-life Crisis? You're Not Alone… | Official ... ›
- More than half of millennials going through 'quarter-life crisis ... ›
- Powering Through Your Quarter-Life Crisis ›
- Urban Dictionary: quarter life crisis ›
- Why Millennials Need Quarter-Life Crises | Psychology Today ›
- Millennials, This Is What Your Quarter-Life Crisis Is Telling You ›
- 25 Signs You're Having a Quarter Life Crisis ›
- How to Overcome Your Quarter-Life Crisis ›
RELATED
As we transition from summer to fall, there’s no need to spend too many coins curating a brand new seasonal wardrobe, especially in this economy. Instead of shopping targeted ads, we interviewed fashion-forward influencers to spark our imagination and gather insight on what they’re already wearing leading into the upcoming season. Keep scrolling to get the scoop on essential items these fashion-forward women are looking forward to wearing this fall.
Helecia Williams, Houston
Comfort
Helecia’s style in three words: “Structured, bold, and explorative.”
Helecia’s outfit inspiration: “I am most interested in comfort as a trend. I am truly enjoying the mix of flats with elevated outfits and the incorporation of street-style elements into the looks. I have seen so much juxtaposition that makes the outfits interesting and intriguing. I love the pairing of fitted caps with [suits] and ballet flats. That mashup is impeccable, and we saw some of that peeking through last fall, and now it's taken on a life of its own.
"As a sneaker lover and comfort sneakers, bringing back flats is just a reimagination of past trends with a fresh twist.”
What color(s) is on Helecia’s fall mood board: “Hands down, red! It's such a bold and bossy color. Now, we see it becoming much more accessible in fashion and realize how easy it is to style and incorporate into a look for that extra pop. It also pairs well with so many other shades and tones. Some of my favorite combos are red and burgundy, red and yellow, and red and brown. Even if you aren't fully convinced that it's the color of the season and still have reservations about it, you can go classic and incorporate it in an accessory or makeup like a red lip.”
Are you bringing anything back from your 2023 fall wardrobe? “I will be returning and recycling all of my 2023 fall wardrobe and just styling it differently or giving it new life. Despite my love for trends, I've curated a wardrobe that I love so I will mix the old in with the new. And not to toot my own horn but a lot of my fashion moments are ahead of the times and still very relevant for this upcoming fall. Expect to see tons of texture, juxtaposition, unexpected color combos, and street style.”
How Helecia is accessorizing this season: “I hate to admit it, but the one trend that has me in a chokehold this fall is bold jewelry, particularly in gold. I've realized that accessories can do wonders, and the Schiaparelli era has me shook. I am a ‘Stan’ of Shop Khoi, a Black-owned jewelry brand that creates some of the most amazing, high-quality fashion jewelry. It just sets off any outfit no matter how simple it may be and easily becomes a conversation piece.”
Courtney Blackwell, New York City
Courtney’s style in three words: “Vintage, oversize, and sexy.”
Courtney’s most anticipated fall fashion items: “The fashion item I am anticipating wearing is vintage leather in all colors!”
Courtney's color picks for fall: “Cherry reds, forest greens, and different shades of gray.”
The trend that has Courtney in a chokehold this season: “Skirts! I’ve never been a skirt girly, well mini skirts girly, but I think I’m going to step it up with the minis this fall.”
Shaniqua Jordan, New York City
Timeless
Shaniqua’s personal styling tip for fall: “I hate to admit it, but the one trend that has me in a chokehold this fall is any oversized outerwear piece, especially oversized blazers. And as basic as it may sound, I can't get enough of them. They instantly elevate any look, and they're so versatile, whether I'm going for a polished vibe or something more casual. Plus, they are perfect for layering as the weather cools down.
"I know most people wouldn't typically opt for suede, but if you've been following my style, you know I'm all about my outerwear. I love adding texture to my looks, even if it's subtle, and a good suede jacket does that for me. The soft texture and rich hues of suede add that cherry on top for any fall look. Whether I'm rocking a bomber style in a jewel tone or a tailored trench in a neutral shade, a suede jacket is one piece I'm looking forward to wearing to elevate my fall wardrobe.”
These colors are all over Shaniqua’s fall mood board: “The colors on my fall mood board are rich earth tones like deep browns and olive greens paired with classic neutrals like camel and cream. I'd like to throw in a pop of butter yellow. I know it might seem more spring-like, but I love how it pairs with deep browns, oxblood, and even grays. It's the perfect way to brighten up those cozy, moody fall vibes. I'm also loving pops of bold jewel tones like emerald and burgundy to add a bit of luxe to the season. These shades give that cozy yet elevated feel I'm always aiming for in my fall wardrobe.”
Shaniqua describes her fall wardrobe in three words: “If I describe my fall wardrobe in three words, they would be chic, layered, and timeless. I love combining unique pieces with a classic touch, creating looks that stand out without trying too hard. It's all about finding that perfect balance between staying true to timeless fashion and adding my own signature flair.”
Are you bringing anything back from your 2023 fall wardrobe? "I am definitely an outfit repeater, so not only will I bring back pieces from my 2023 fall wardrobe, but I also have so many oldies but goodies that I’ll be incorporating into my fall 2024 looks. I think that's what really helps convey my personal style; buying pieces I genuinely love and being able to work them into my style season after season. It's all about longevity and staying true to what I love."
Alasia Allen, Los Angeles
Provocative
Alasia describes her style in three words: “Opulent, sleek, provocative.”
The fashion item Alasia anticipates wearing the most this fall: “I’m really into gloves this season. Whether it’s biker style or long, sleek, leather gloves, they add an interesting take to a fall look.”
The fall colors catching Alasia’s eye: “I’m loving navy or a super deep purple this season so I’ll be adding those into my wardrobe. They’re both so sophisticated and a good alternative to black.”
The fall staple Alaisa plans to bring back from her 2023 wardrobe: “Every year, I wear a shearling coat. It’s timeless, it’s warm, it’s my thing. There’s something very elevating about shearlings that have drawn to me year after year, and that’s what makes them my favorite style of outwear.”
The accessory that has Alasia in a chokehold this season: “Boots. I love a good boot as my go-to accessory for the fall/winter season. My favorites are boots that have a little flair to them and an interesting shape.”
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