When I think of femininity, I think of all the things my mother raised me to be as a young girl, a young woman, and now as a whole grown woman. Clean. Elegant and eloquent. Respectful, disciplined, and tactful. Poised, proper, and presentable. As I am writing this, it reminds me of Daphne Bridgerton in the Netflix series Bridgerton. While I am still all of the things I mentioned, I am naturally casual, organized, independent, strong, focused, righteous, adventurous, analytical, and linear. And because of all of these things, I am accomplished. I have to be these things – this is how I succeed in a gender-biased society. But because of all these things, I am masculine. Sometimes, I even curse like a sailor and walk out of the house looking like a hot mess too.
And – nothing about that is feminine. At least not in the traditional sense of the word.
When it comes to tapping into your divine feminine, there are levels to this shit. I never knew I leaned masculine, let alone what masculine or feminine energy truly was until I started my own spiritual journey. But in this moment, I am not here to share that story with you. I am here to tell you becoming more feminine is a level of consciousness, self-care, and inner work that you must be open to doing. It's layers of learning, unlearning, and shedding.
Question – Unlearn what though? Answer – thoughts, patterns, behaviors, and more.
So, sit with me as I break this down for you.
What Does It Mean to Be More Feminine?
We're told being feminine is in a woman's presentation. It is how we appeal to society physically and how we present ourselves. It's about our hair, skin, and the shape of our bodies. It involves our choices in make-up, clothing styles, and color choices. Let's stop right here – this idea of femininity is all surface level and a societal standard told to us by men. I'm starting to sound a little feminist, but I don't mean to be and that's beside the point. Feminine energy is more than just physical. We are also told that femininity is behavioral. It is soft, modest, submissive, gentle, nurturing, and warm. Again, a societal standard that still scratches the surface of what it means to be feminine.
This definition of feminine energy is old, historical, traditional, and biased. Divine Feminine Energy is so much more than what we are told.
It is purely magical.
What Is Divine Feminine Energy?
Divine feminine energy has always existed. It is a concept that stems from spirituality. A Bustle article states that consciousness is divided into two sides – masculine and feminine. Both sides are needed to become our highest selves. The Divine Feminine is concerned with a sense of self. It's a powerful energy that is associated with creativity, intuition, community, sensuality, and collaboration.
When you tap into your feminine energy, it helps build stronger relationships with friends, significant others, and colleagues. According to an article from mindbodygreen.com, feminine energy refers to how you move with the flow of life, embrace your creative energy, dance, play, and attune to your internal process. Divine feminine energy is not associated with or tied to gender. Both men and women equally possess feminine energy.
Tapping Into Your Divine Feminine Energy
There are several ways to tap into your feminine energy. It involves a level of self-awareness, consistency, and commitment to daily practices. Here are some ways you can tap into your feminine energy below.
Put Some Orange In Your Life
Orange is the color of our sacral chakra. It is located below the navel and centered in the womb. Our sacral chakra carries our feminine energy. It's where our creativity and sexuality live. You can eat foods like oranges, cantaloupes, tangerines, carrots, and sweet potatoes to help keep the sacral chakra balanced.
Co-Create Your Life
Get creative – we are on this earth to live and experience but also to create. Women have been given the gift and power to create human life through our bodies. But why should it stop here? We can create through artistic expression. This means writing, painting, singing, poetry, music, and dance. I have said this before, but I'll say it again – author your own life. Create the life you want to live with all the elements you desire in it.
Feel The Shit Out of Everything
Honor your feelings – but not just the good ones, feel the bad ones too. Cry, scream, yell, or smile. Do all of it. Your feelings are a thousand percent valid. Part of divine feminine energy is allowing yourself to feel every single emotion. And to reflect and understand why these feelings are brought about. Allow yourself to process your feelings and listen to how you feel. Ask yourself what this person, situation, or event is trying to tell you or teach you. Trust your intuition – let your feelings make your decisions rather than your thoughts. Your body will feel the answer before your mind starts to think of an answer.
Indulge In Pleasure
Do more of whatever brings you joy. This could look like enjoying food, wine, candles, or a bubble bath. This can also look like a walk in the park, hiking, rollerblading, or an impromptu beach day. It's your responsibility to be the love and light in your life. It's only when you have found your happiness that you're able to bring happiness into other people's lives. We often mistake pleasure for an event we enjoy with a person or a group of people. Sometimes it is, and other times it doesn't have to be. It's OK to enjoy moments alone. And If you enjoy sex, there is nothing wrong with self-pleasure. By all means, explore your body and give yourself that orgasm. You need it.
Be Open to Receiving
It is true – what we put out into the universe is what we receive. So, be aware of your thoughts, actions, and how you move through life. Being open to receive also means when you ask for something, you will receive an abundance of it. There is nothing wrong with asking for help, favors, or support when it's needed. Equally, there is nothing wrong with receiving compliments either. Embrace the love and light that comes your way, and then return it tenfold. It'll come back to you in ways you didn't imagine before.
Watch Your Divine Feminine Transform Your Life
When you tap into your feminine energy, it enables life transformation. I am a living example, like many other women who have tapped into their feminine energy. It's a type of energy that is restorative, inspirational, and vibrant. It is gentle, warm, and playful.
Connecting with your divine feminine is a powerful journey that will help you discover your superpower, soul's purpose, and become more aligned with who you are. And once you learn these things and start to live in your purpose – consider yourself unstoppable.
You begin to thrive. Your dreams start to manifest. Your life unfolds the way it was meant to. The process of transformation is scary but necessary to shed the old to create the new in our lives.
We all have feminine energy, but we tend to let our masculine energy dominate. And balancing both energies is not easy. You have to constantly check in with yourself. Sometimes you have to put yourself in check too. Feminine energy requires you to build a relationship with yourself. And if you haven't heard this already, your relationship with yourself is the greatest relationship you will ever have.
So, are you ready to tap in?
I invite you to reawaken your divine feminine. I invite you to step into this journey of self-exploration.
I promise you won't regret it.
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Anyway, I personally think that the less shallow folks out here may contemplate calling things “quits” or they at least distance themselves a bit from their partner (and what I’m referring to is serious relationships) due to all of the stress and strain that oftentimes comes with the holidays whether it be financial, familial, due to their tight schedules or something else.
Listen, I would hate for you and your man to miss the fun and happiness of experiencing this time of year, all because you are so overwhelmed or irritated that you can’t really enjoy it. That’s why I have a few practical tips for how to avoid allowing the typical holiday season stress from INFECTING your relationship.
Manage Your Expectations
GiphyUnmanaged expectations. If there is a main reason why the holiday season tends to be so stress-filled for so many people, I’d bet good money that this is the cause. And when you’re in a long-term relationship, expectations can manifest themselves in all sorts of cryptic and/or unexpected ways. You might have relatives who assume that you are going to be with them for Thanksgiving or Christmas when you have other plans in mind. You might be thinking that you are going to spend one amount for presents while your man is thinking something totally different. When it comes to scheduling, your signals may be crossed.
And you know what? To all of these scenarios, this is where clear and consistent communication come in. Don’t assume anything. Don’t dictate anything either. From now until New Year’s, mutually decide to check in once a week, just to make sure that you are both on the same page as it relates to the holidays and what you both are thinking will come along with it. The less blindsided you both feel, the less stressed out you will be. Trust me on this.
Set (and Keep) a Budget
GiphyOkay, so I read that last year, 36 percent of Americans incurred some type of holiday-related debt. Hmph. Last year, there was still some sense of normalcy in this country, chile, so I can only imagine what finances are gonna look like over the next several weeks. That said, since I don’t know a lot of people who don’t find being broke stressful, make sure that you and your bae set a budget and then stick to it this year — no ifs, ands or buts.
Because really, y’all — it doesn’t make sense to deplete savings and/or max out credit cards for a few days of giggles only to be damn near losing your mind because you don’t know how to make ends meet come Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. Day.
And by the way, this tip doesn’t just speak to things like food and gifts; I also mean travel. If it doesn’t make a ton of sense (or cents) to be all over the place this year — DON’T BE.
Keep Matthew 5:37 at the Forefront
GiphyIf off the top of your head, you don’t know what Matthew 5:37 says, no worries, here ya go: “But let your ‘Yes’ be ‘Yes,’ and your ‘No,’ ‘No.’ For whatever is more than these is from the evil one.” That verse right there? Oh, it’s a boundaries lifesaver! I say that because do you see “maybe” or “I’ll think about it” in there? Nope. LOL. It says that you should tell people “yes” or “no” and leave it at that — and that complements Anne Lamott’s quote, “’No’ is a complete sentence” impeccably well. Yeah, you’ve got to remember that anything beyond a yes or no to a request is privileged information; you don’t owe anyone details or an explanation.
Besides, if you are really honest with yourself, when someone asks you something and you give a “Umm, let me think about it” kind of reply, more times than not, you already know what your answer is going to be — so why not let you both off of the hook? Give your response. Commit to that. And let everyone (including yourself) get on with their lives and schedules.
I promise you that when it comes to those holiday parties, you are pissing more folks off by not RSVP’ing or doing so and not showing up than just saying, “Thank you but not this year” off the rip.
Remember That Your Personal Space Is Privilege Not a Right
GiphyA friend of mine recently bought a new house and invited me over to come see it. He’s a single man with no children, so as I was taking in all of the space that he had, especially as I walked through his finished basement, I joked about relatives coming to live with him. “Hell no” and “absolutely not” were pretty much his immediate responses as he went on to say that some folks even had the nerve to be offended when he told them that he had no intentions on taking DNA in.
Ain’t it wild how people think that your stuff is their right? And yes, that brings me to my next point. Your home is your sanctuary space. If you want to host folks this year — cool. If not, ALSO COOL. Please don’t let folks (family included) guilt you into how they want you to act or even into what they would do if the shoe was on the other foot. You are not them — and as one of my favorite quotes states, “If two people were exactly alike, one of them would be unnecessary.” (A man by the name Larry Dixon said that.)
Hell, my friends? They know that I am good for sending them random things that they need or even want all throughout the year. Coming over to hang out at my pace, though. Uh-uh. Chalk it up to being a card-carrying member of the ambivert club yet I like keeping my living space personal — and I sleep like a baby, each and every night, for feeling that way.
Always remember that your space, your time, your resources, your energy and shoot, yourself period (including your relationship), are all things that are your own. You get to choose how, when and why you want to share them. The holiday season is certainly no exception.
Cultivate Some “You Two Only” Traditions
GiphyIt’s not uncommon for some couples to hit me up after the holiday season to “detox.” Sometimes it’s due to the financial drama (and sometimes trauma) that they experienced. Sometimes it’s because they allowed their relatives (especially in-laws) to get more into their personal business than they should’ve. More than anything, though, it tends to be because they didn’t get enough quality time together and so ended up feeling “disconnected.”
Please don’t let that happen. Listen, I’m not even a holidays kind of woman and yet, I will absolutely sit myself down with some hot chocolate and chocolate chip cookies to enjoy a Hallmark holiday film or two. Aside from the fact that most of them are lighthearted and sweet, I also like that they usually focus on couples loving on each other amidst all of the holiday beauty and ambiance — which is something that all couples should set aside some time to do.
Maybe it’s a vacation. Maybe it’s a staycation. Or maybe it’s my personal favorite, A SEXCATION. Whether it’s for a few days, the weekend or even overnight — don’t you let the holidays go by without setting aside time for you and your man to celebrate one another. Don’t you dare (check out “Are You Ready To Have Some Very Merry 'Christmas Sex'?”).
GET. SOME. REST.
GiphyI once read that 8 out of 10 people get stressed out over the holidays and 3 out of 10 lose sleep during to it — and when you’re stress-filled and sleep-deprived, that can absolutely lead to hypersensitivity, making mountains out of molehills and even not being in the mood for sex.
Your relationship can’t afford to go through any of this, so definitely make sure to prioritize rest. I don’t care how unrealistic it might seem during this time, sleep should never be seen as a luxury; it will always and forever be a great necessity.
That said, try to get no less than six hours of shut-eye in (check out “6 Fascinating Ways Sex And Sleep Definitely Go Hand In Hand”) and even ask your bae to take a nap with you sometimes (check out “Wanna Have Some Next-Level Sex? Take A Nap, Sis.”). Not only will sleep help to restore your mind, body and spirit but, when it’s with your partner, it’s an act of intimacy that can make you both feel super connected, even in the midst of what might feel like chaos.
___
Holiday season stress is real. Still, never give it the permission or power to throw your relationship off. Put you and your man first and let the holidays be what they are gonna be, chile.
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And so, since this is the time of year when catching a cold (and/or the flu) is common, let’s talk about the impact that sleep (and again, a lack thereof) has on your immune system. That way, you can remain as healthy as possible during the fall and winter seasons.
1. Less Sleep Means More Colds
GiphyLike I stated in the intro, I’m pretty sure you’ve heard somewhere that the fall and winter are the seasons when people are most susceptible to catching a cold or coming down with the flu. And that’s exactly why I thought I would start this all off by sharing the fact that some studies reveal that if you get less than six hours of sleep, on a consistent basis, you end up making yourself more vulnerable to coming down with both. In fact, some research says that only 18 percent of people who get six-plus hours of rest caught a cold while almost 40 percent who got less than that did.
The logic behind it all is sleep gives your body time to build up the proteins and cells (like cytokines and T-cells) that you need to fight off certain viruses. So, if nothing bothers you more than having a stuffy nose or stubborn cough when it’s cold outside, getting more sleep is one way to prevent that from happening to you.
2. Less Sleep Means More Allergy Symptoms
GiphyAt the end of the day, an allergy is basically what transpires whenever your immune system “overreacts” to something that other people’s systems do not. And since sleep is what helps to keep your immune system nice and strong — well, I’m sure you get how less allergy-related symptoms and more sleep go hand in hand. Also, since sleep helps to decrease bodily inflammation (more on that in a bit) and inflammation can also intensify allergy symptoms, that’s just one more reason to get as much shut-eye as possible.
3. Less Sleep Means Potential Diabetes and Heart Disease
GiphyDid you know that in 2024, Black women were diagnosed with diabetes 24 percent more than any other adult demographic. Also, it continues to be a reality that heart disease is the leading cause of death for Black women. These two sobering statistics alone should be enough of an incentive to do whatever you can to keep the risk of diabetes and heart disease way down.
One way to do that is by getting more sleep. Aside from the fact that sleep strengthens your immune system to where it is easier for you to fight off illness and diseases, sleep can keep your blood sugar levels in a healthy space; plus, when it comes to your heart, it gives it, along with your arteries and blood vessels a break.
4. Less Sleep Means Less Time for Your Body to Push “Reset”
GiphyIf you really stopped to consider all that your body goes through during the day (you can read some about that here), you definitely would respect it enough to do your best to thank it by giving it no less than six hours of sleep, each and every night. Sleep is what helps to slow your brain and body down so they are able to “refuel” for the next day. After all, how can your body prevent you from getting sick if your immune system is too worn out to fight ailments off? Exactly.
5. More Sleep Helps You to Fight Off Infections
GiphySpeaking of, in order for your body to fight off infections, there are certain cells and antibodies within you that need to be healthy and strong — one way that they get and stay that way is by you getting a good amount of sleep. For instance, remember when I touched on cytokines earlier? Well, the same way that they help to prevent colds, they also help to prevent infections too. And since sleep lowers your cortisol (stress) levels, rest gives your body the time and space to build up an army that can fight off free radicals and other health-related challenges while you are awake.
6. More Sleep Lowers Bodily Inflammation
GiphyWhenever a health-related issue is mentioned on this platform, inflammation is something that is mentioned quite a bit. Probably the easiest way to explain inflammation is it’s how your body responds/reacts whenever something is happening to your body that shouldn’t be, whether it’s an illness, an injury, a germ or something that you may be allergic to.
If you happen to have chronic inflammation, some symptoms that are associated with that include fatigue, stiff joints, skin rashes, weight gain and moodiness.
The interesting thing about all of this is if you aren’t getting enough rest, you could be triggering inflammation in your body. That’s because studies reveal that a lack of sleep can elevate molecules that are associated with inflammation. So, if you don’t want inflammation to increase within your system, you should definitely catch more zzz’s.
7. More Sleep Regulates Hormones
GiphyWhen it comes to hormones like serotonin, estrogen and cortisol, believe it or not, they play a role in how your immune system acts and overreacts. That’s because, if your hormones are out of balance, that can cause your immune system to work harder than it actually should and that can make you more vulnerable to sickness. One way to keep your hormones leveled out? SLEEP.
That’s because sleep gives your body the opportunity to rest, repair and restore your hormone levels. On the other hand, when you are sleep deprived, that can put/keep your hormones on the ultimate roller coaster ride. #notgood
8. More Sleep Strengthens Vaccines
flu shot GIF - Find & Share on GIPHYGiphyIf you’re someone who is good for getting some sort of vaccine around this time of the year, make sure that you rest up before and after getting your shots. Not only does adequate rest before a vaccination help your immune system to be better receptive to your shots but sleep also helps your body to build up enough antibodies to make your vaccinations effective after getting them. Because if you’re gonna get pricked, shouldn’t it be worth it? My thoughts exactly.
Get some freakin’ sleep! Your immune system depends on it.
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