It wasn’t too long ago that someone asked me how I was able to come up with so many different topics when it comes to vaginas. That’s kind of a funny story for another time. What I will say, as it relates to this particular one, is I find it to be quite fascinating that with the amount of vaginas that will be putting in some serious work over Valentine’s Day, there aren’t more articles like this out in cyberspace. I mean, because with as active as so many of them will be, shouldn’t they get some special V-Day treatment? I would certainly think so.
So, there goes my main motivation for today. Although I will say that even if you are gonna be riding it solo or abstinent this year, there are still several things down below that you can do to show your vagina some extra love — since Valentine’s Day is supposed to be honoring those who you love most.
And you do love your vagina, right? RIGHT? #wink
1. Make a Sugaring Appointment
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During the pandemic (well, more like when we were more cautious about the pandemic, because COVID is still out here, y’all), I got into sugaring because my favorite waxer went MIA for a season. Even though we’re back reunited, I’ve been trying to convince her to train to sugar because two things that I liked about that form of hair removal are the ingredients are all-natural and, after time, it can permanently remove unwanted body hair faster than waxing does. Plus, I personally find it to be a less painful process.
Anyway, the reason why I’m mentioning it here is, that since Valentine’s Day tends to have a lot of sweets associated with it, in following along with that theme, sugaring is a sweet way to get your vulva ready for any plans that you might have in store that day.
2. Write Your Vagina a Love Letter
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Last summer, I wrote an article entitled, “12 Men Told Me What They Love So Much About Vaginas.” When you get a chance, check it out because it’s always nice to hear praise about different parts of us — vaginas included. And since men have no problem affirming that very special part of a woman, why shouldn’t we do the same by also declaring, to ourselves, what we appreciate and adore so much about what does so much for us?
So yeah, consider writing your vagina a love letter. It doesn’t have to be super long or deep. Just take a moment to jot down why it’s so precious to you. You’d be amazed at what it can do for your self-esteem, including your sexual self-esteem, and how it will remind you to treasure “her” (yes, I oftentimes refer to vaginas in that way) always.
3. Buy Her Some Pink or Red Panties
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If it’s been more than 12 months since you’ve treated yourself to some new panties, there is absolutely no time like the present. If you’re not sure what to get, check out “These Are The Kinds Of Panties Your Vagina Actually Prefers,” and then, in honor of V-Day, make sure that at least a couple of them are pink or red. On the color psychology tip, pink represents things like femininity, peace, playfulness, healing, and warmth, while red is all about love, passion, sex, energy, and stimulation.
4. Treat Her to Some Jewelry Too
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If you’re looking for a surefire way to intensify your orgasms this year, why not invest in a clit clamp? If you’re curious about how much pleasure they are able to provide, yet you’d prefer to tiptoe into the idea, something that you might prefer (at least for now) is a clit clip. They are faux piercings that tend to not be as long as clamps and can be worn like…earrings on your clitoris. A pretty one that I recently saw on Etsy (that site is so my jam!) is a hoop with a Swarovski crystal (here). There are also simple pearl clips like this one here.
5. Try a Tube of Vaginal Lipstick
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Kissing tends to happen a lot on Valentine’s Day. Well, in honor of Kelly Rowland’s throwback “Kisses Down Low” (receiving) and Usher’s “Good Kisser” (giving), if you want to get your lips down below ready for a few kisses of its own, Medicine Mama is a brand that carries something known as VMAGIC Lips Stick. It’s an all-natural vulva moisturizer that contains ingredients like honey, beeswax, olive oil, avocado oil, and sea buckthorn (which is a great vaginal lubricator). Soft and smooth lips (up top and down below) are always a Valentine’s Day delight…right? If you’re interested, you can get it here.
6. Sip on Some Red Wine
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Does nothing make you happier than sipping on a glass of red wine? If so, and you’ve got a significant other this year, red wine has a solid reputation for being a pretty reliable aphrodisiac. Some of the reasons why is it stimulates arousal, increases (natural) vaginal lubrication, and can help to intensify your sexual experience overall. Plus, red wine contains antioxidants that can keep your vagina healthy on a myriad of different levels.
7. Enjoy Some Dark Chocolate
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Next to red roses, probably the first thing that comes to people’s minds as it relates to Valentine’s Day gifts is chocolate. Well, if you like dark chocolate, your vagina will certainly thank you for it. Not only does it also have a lot of antioxidants in it, the magnesium that it contains will also help to keep your libido high as well as help to stimulate blood flow down to your vagina — and that helps to bring orgasms abundant into your direction.
8. Apply a Hydrating Mask to Your Pubic Hair
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A part of the reason why I penned the article, “Here Are The Pros And Cons About Different Types Of Pubic Hair Maintenance” last summer is because it is my personal opinion that, for a lot of us, pubic hair does not get the kind of TLC that it truly deserves. Case in point: when’s the last time you’ve given yours a hydrating mask? Yeah, exactly. I mean, if the hair on our head could use a conditioner to keep it soft and manageable, why wouldn’t our pubic hair as well? You can apply a hair conditioner to it for five minutes and rinse.
You can create a hydrating mask of plain yogurt, some aloe vera gel, and vitamin E, leave it on for 5-7 minutes and rinse. You can also combine an egg white, a teaspoon of shea butter, and a few drops of lavender oil, leave it on for 10 minutes, and rinse.
All of these moisturizing recipes will soften your hair down below. Just make sure that you focus on the outside of your vulva so that your vagina doesn’t get irritated by any of these ingredients in any way.
9. Bathe Her in Some Rosewater and Rose Petals
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Rosewater contains antioxidants and anti-inflammatory properties that help to soothe eczema and psoriasis, speed up the healing process of wounds, help to bring relief to headaches, bring you out of a sober mood as well and strengthen your immunity. And since it’s so good for your skin and it contains anti-aging properties (and yes, vulvas and vaginas do indeed age; check out “Vaginas Age Just Like Everything Else. You Can Slow It Down, Though.”), soaking in some homemade rosewater can be a great way to pamper “her” — as well as the rest of you.
While you’re at it, since roses are the signature flower for Valentine’s Day, why not toss some rose petals into your bathwater while you’re at it? Just make sure to thoroughly rinse the petals beforehand in the skin in order to remove any pesticides, dirt, or dust particles that may be on them.
By the way, a recipe for how to make rosewater is located right here.
10. Speak Your Vagina’s Love Language
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Words of affirmation. Physical touch. Acts of service. Quality Time. Gifts. When it comes to these love languages, how do you prefer love to be expressed to you the most? Whatever that is, why not give that same kind of lovin’ to your vagina? I’m dead serious.
- For words of affirmation, we covered writing a love letter to your vagina.
- Physical touch? How about doing a self-exam or some vaginal mapping?
- Acts of service, schedule a professional vaginal facial appointment.
- Quality time? Make a meal out of some foods that are proven to be good for your vagina.
- Gifts? If a clit clip isn’t your thing and panties aren’t what you need, perhaps indulge with a bottle of Fur Oil.
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Again, with all that vaginas do for us and with all of the “work” that it will be puttin’ in for so many on Valentine’s Day, I thought it was imperative to give our girls a special shout-out.
Show her some extra lovin’ on V-Day. How could you not agree that she’s earned it?
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Anyway, I personally think that the less shallow folks out here may contemplate calling things “quits” or they at least distance themselves a bit from their partner (and what I’m referring to is serious relationships) due to all of the stress and strain that oftentimes comes with the holidays whether it be financial, familial, due to their tight schedules or something else.
Listen, I would hate for you and your man to miss the fun and happiness of experiencing this time of year, all because you are so overwhelmed or irritated that you can’t really enjoy it. That’s why I have a few practical tips for how to avoid allowing the typical holiday season stress from INFECTING your relationship.
Manage Your Expectations
GiphyUnmanaged expectations. If there is a main reason why the holiday season tends to be so stress-filled for so many people, I’d bet good money that this is the cause. And when you’re in a long-term relationship, expectations can manifest themselves in all sorts of cryptic and/or unexpected ways. You might have relatives who assume that you are going to be with them for Thanksgiving or Christmas when you have other plans in mind. You might be thinking that you are going to spend one amount for presents while your man is thinking something totally different. When it comes to scheduling, your signals may be crossed.
And you know what? To all of these scenarios, this is where clear and consistent communication come in. Don’t assume anything. Don’t dictate anything either. From now until New Year’s, mutually decide to check in once a week, just to make sure that you are both on the same page as it relates to the holidays and what you both are thinking will come along with it. The less blindsided you both feel, the less stressed out you will be. Trust me on this.
Set (and Keep) a Budget
GiphyOkay, so I read that last year, 36 percent of Americans incurred some type of holiday-related debt. Hmph. Last year, there was still some sense of normalcy in this country, chile, so I can only imagine what finances are gonna look like over the next several weeks. That said, since I don’t know a lot of people who don’t find being broke stressful, make sure that you and your bae set a budget and then stick to it this year — no ifs, ands or buts.
Because really, y’all — it doesn’t make sense to deplete savings and/or max out credit cards for a few days of giggles only to be damn near losing your mind because you don’t know how to make ends meet come Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. Day.
And by the way, this tip doesn’t just speak to things like food and gifts; I also mean travel. If it doesn’t make a ton of sense (or cents) to be all over the place this year — DON’T BE.
Keep Matthew 5:37 at the Forefront
GiphyIf off the top of your head, you don’t know what Matthew 5:37 says, no worries, here ya go: “But let your ‘Yes’ be ‘Yes,’ and your ‘No,’ ‘No.’ For whatever is more than these is from the evil one.” That verse right there? Oh, it’s a boundaries lifesaver! I say that because do you see “maybe” or “I’ll think about it” in there? Nope. LOL. It says that you should tell people “yes” or “no” and leave it at that — and that complements Anne Lamott’s quote, “’No’ is a complete sentence” impeccably well. Yeah, you’ve got to remember that anything beyond a yes or no to a request is privileged information; you don’t owe anyone details or an explanation.
Besides, if you are really honest with yourself, when someone asks you something and you give a “Umm, let me think about it” kind of reply, more times than not, you already know what your answer is going to be — so why not let you both off of the hook? Give your response. Commit to that. And let everyone (including yourself) get on with their lives and schedules.
I promise you that when it comes to those holiday parties, you are pissing more folks off by not RSVP’ing or doing so and not showing up than just saying, “Thank you but not this year” off the rip.
Remember That Your Personal Space Is Privilege Not a Right
GiphyA friend of mine recently bought a new house and invited me over to come see it. He’s a single man with no children, so as I was taking in all of the space that he had, especially as I walked through his finished basement, I joked about relatives coming to live with him. “Hell no” and “absolutely not” were pretty much his immediate responses as he went on to say that some folks even had the nerve to be offended when he told them that he had no intentions on taking DNA in.
Ain’t it wild how people think that your stuff is their right? And yes, that brings me to my next point. Your home is your sanctuary space. If you want to host folks this year — cool. If not, ALSO COOL. Please don’t let folks (family included) guilt you into how they want you to act or even into what they would do if the shoe was on the other foot. You are not them — and as one of my favorite quotes states, “If two people were exactly alike, one of them would be unnecessary.” (A man by the name Larry Dixon said that.)
Hell, my friends? They know that I am good for sending them random things that they need or even want all throughout the year. Coming over to hang out at my pace, though. Uh-uh. Chalk it up to being a card-carrying member of the ambivert club yet I like keeping my living space personal — and I sleep like a baby, each and every night, for feeling that way.
Always remember that your space, your time, your resources, your energy and shoot, yourself period (including your relationship), are all things that are your own. You get to choose how, when and why you want to share them. The holiday season is certainly no exception.
Cultivate Some “You Two Only” Traditions
GiphyIt’s not uncommon for some couples to hit me up after the holiday season to “detox.” Sometimes it’s due to the financial drama (and sometimes trauma) that they experienced. Sometimes it’s because they allowed their relatives (especially in-laws) to get more into their personal business than they should’ve. More than anything, though, it tends to be because they didn’t get enough quality time together and so ended up feeling “disconnected.”
Please don’t let that happen. Listen, I’m not even a holidays kind of woman and yet, I will absolutely sit myself down with some hot chocolate and chocolate chip cookies to enjoy a Hallmark holiday film or two. Aside from the fact that most of them are lighthearted and sweet, I also like that they usually focus on couples loving on each other amidst all of the holiday beauty and ambiance — which is something that all couples should set aside some time to do.
Maybe it’s a vacation. Maybe it’s a staycation. Or maybe it’s my personal favorite, A SEXCATION. Whether it’s for a few days, the weekend or even overnight — don’t you let the holidays go by without setting aside time for you and your man to celebrate one another. Don’t you dare (check out “Are You Ready To Have Some Very Merry 'Christmas Sex'?”).
GET. SOME. REST.
GiphyI once read that 8 out of 10 people get stressed out over the holidays and 3 out of 10 lose sleep during to it — and when you’re stress-filled and sleep-deprived, that can absolutely lead to hypersensitivity, making mountains out of molehills and even not being in the mood for sex.
Your relationship can’t afford to go through any of this, so definitely make sure to prioritize rest. I don’t care how unrealistic it might seem during this time, sleep should never be seen as a luxury; it will always and forever be a great necessity.
That said, try to get no less than six hours of shut-eye in (check out “6 Fascinating Ways Sex And Sleep Definitely Go Hand In Hand”) and even ask your bae to take a nap with you sometimes (check out “Wanna Have Some Next-Level Sex? Take A Nap, Sis.”). Not only will sleep help to restore your mind, body and spirit but, when it’s with your partner, it’s an act of intimacy that can make you both feel super connected, even in the midst of what might feel like chaos.
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Holiday season stress is real. Still, never give it the permission or power to throw your relationship off. Put you and your man first and let the holidays be what they are gonna be, chile.
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