7 Ways To Establish A Mental Connection Long Before You Enter The Bedroom
I am not a casual sex type of person. I love dick but I love an emotional connection more. Now, don’t get me wrong, I’ve tried it once or twice but ultimately sex is better when I have a connection–the penis just feels better. However, pop culture would have you believe that when you meet someone, it’s automatic lust at first sight. You’re supposed to not be able to keep your hands off of each other due to all the sexual tension. Well in reality, especially in my life, that’s not how it works. I need a little more than physical attraction to get my juices flowing.
As a sex expert, I’ve found that most women, more often than not need a connection before penetration. It’s just how we are hardwired. The sexual response cycle for men and women is totally different. Generally, before a woman can get aroused, she has to experience desire. For most men, all it takes is a little visual stimulation, and boom. In fact, most men don’t need to feel an emotional connection at all in order to have sex; all they need is a warm hole. Do with that information what you will. But, women on the other hand tend to feel sexual desire once the emotional connection is formed.
Building an emotional connection can lead to better sexual experiences. Emotional intimacy helps stimulate oxytocin, the love hormone, which creates trust and vulnerability. A study published in American Sociological Review found that heterosexual college women have orgasms more often in relationships than in hookups. Most women value safety, in all aspects of their lives. When I feel safe and comfortable with someone, I’m more likely to take risks and explore new things. I'm also more willing to share my inner thoughts, desires, and fantasies within a safe space.
Knowing one another on an emotional level can help build mutual respect. Having mutual respect means you value your partner and consider their thoughts and feelings. Being shown respect l builds appreciation and appreciation builds connection. It’s important to keep in mind that building emotional intimacy takes time and work.
Being vulnerable can be scary and uncomfortable. But here are some helpful tips you can use to help deepen the bond with your partner while making it less awkward.
1.Open and Honest Communication To Build Trust
Communication is the key to all levels of intimacy. Most women like to communicate, especially about feelings. Sharing about each other’s day and about what’s happening in each other’s life helps women feel more emotionally connected. Try having a conversation before sex. If you want to relate to each other on a deeper level, you'll need to open up and let your partner experience your hopes, fears, dreams, and vulnerabilities.
Also, pillow talk sessions are a great way to build emotional connections after sex. Researchers found that people who spend more time on post-sex affection—like cuddling, kissing, caressing, spooning, or expressing their love for each other—are more satisfied in their relationships and feel more sexually satisfied.
2.Learn Each Other's Love Language
Gary Chapman the author of the popular book, The 5 Love Languages came up with five general ways that romantic partners express and experience love. The five ways we experience love are through Words of Affirmation, Acts of Service, Receiving Gifts, Quality Time, and Physical Touch. Oftentimes we assume that our partner wants to receive love in the same way that we do, and this can lead to frustration and disappointment.
If your partner’s love language is quality time but you are too busy working and keep buying them expensive gifts instead, they aren’t going to feel connected to you. Learning how our partner receives love builds connection.
3.Kisses, Kisses and More Kisses
A 2013 study in the Archives of Sexual Behavior reported that frequent kissing is correlated with a couple’s perception of the quality of their relationship and specifically, the more kissing there is, the higher levels of happiness that are reported. Kissing usually is the first thing to take place before engaging in other sexual activity. It helps you decide your sexual compatibility and desire for this person before sex and gives you more time to build up that sexual anticipation.
However, kissing can start fading the longer a relationship goes. One study found that 1 in 5 couples don’t even kiss at all. So, try to incorporate kissing throughout the day and during sex as a way to build a connection.
4.Explore Sensuality Without the Goal of Orgasm
Take time to explore each other’s bodies and fantasies without orgasm being the only goal. By taking your time, you will learn to appreciate each other more on both an emotional and physical level. Good communication will come in handy when discussing what ways you like to engage in foreplay and what ways don’t get you as turned on. Think about and enjoy what you are experiencing and how you might give pleasure to your partner in return.
5.Be Friends First
Friendship is at the core of any strong relationship. Research has shown that friendship in a relationship is an important indicator of both romantic and physical satisfaction. Couples who are friends report higher levels of happiness in their relationships than couples who aren’t. Get back to being friends by having fun and being playful. Having fun can be as simple as laughing at each other's jokes or leaving each other silly notes.
6.Share Experiences
Doing things…together…is important. Even if it’s just binging on Netflix next to each other on the couch, have shared experiences in your week. Whatever it is that you and your partner like to do, do it together as a simple way to build a stronger connection in a relationship. If you live completely separate lives you’re not going to be very connected with each other. Shared experiences bring partners closer.
7.Show Empathy and Sympathy
One of the most important things partners can do for each other provides empathy and understanding. Empathy means relating to your partner's feelings and making them feel understood, which helps validate your partner's feelings and gives comfort. When things are tough, expressing empathy or sympathy helps your partner understand how valuable the bond is that they share with you. They learn to appreciate your feelings and often reciprocate too.
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Smile, Sis! These Five Improvements Can Upgrade Your Oral Hygiene Instantly
This article is in partnership with Sensodyne.
Our teeth are connected to so many things - our nutrition, our confidence, and our overall mood. We often take for granted how important healthy teeth are, until issues like tooth sensitivity or gum recession come to remind us. Like most things related to our bodies, prevention is the best medicine. Here are five things you can do immediately to improve your oral hygiene, prevent tooth sensitivity, and avoid dental issues down the road.
1) Go Easy On the Rough Brushing: Brushing your teeth is and always will be priority number one in the oral hygiene department. No surprises there! However, there is such a thing as applying too much pressure when brushing…and that can lead to problems over time. Use a toothbrush with soft bristles and brush in smooth, circular motions. It may seem counterintuitive, but a gentle approach to brushing is the most effective way to clean those pearly whites without wearing away enamel and exposing sensitive areas of the teeth.
2) Use A Desensitizing Toothpaste: As everyone knows, mouth pain can be highly uncomfortable; but tooth sensitivity is a whole different beast. Hot weather favorites like ice cream and popsicles have the ability to trigger tooth sensitivity, which might make you want to stay away from icy foods altogether. But as always, prevention is the best medicine here. Switching to a toothpaste like Sensodyne’s Sensitivity & Gum toothpaste specifically designed for sensitive teeth will help build a protective layer over sensitive areas of the tooth. Over time, those sharp sensations that occur with extremely cold foods will subside, and you’ll be back to treating yourself to your icy faves like this one!
3) Floss, Rinse, Brush. (And In That Order!): Have you ever heard the saying, “It’s not what you do, but how you do it”? Well, the same thing applies to taking care of your teeth. Even if you are flossing and brushing religiously, you could be missing out on some of the benefits simply because you aren’t doing so in the right order. Flossing is best to do before brushing because it removes food particles and plaque from places your toothbrush can’t reach. After a proper flossing sesh, it is important to rinse out your mouth with water after. Finally, you can whip out your toothbrush and get to brushing. Though many of us commonly rinse with water after brushing to remove excess toothpaste, it may not be the best thing for our teeth. That’s because fluoride, the active ingredient in toothpaste that protects your enamel, works best when it gets to sit on the teeth and continue working its magic. Rinsing with water after brushing doesn’t let the toothpaste go to work like it really can. Changing up your order may take some getting used to, but over time, you’ll see the difference.
4) Stay Hydrated: Upping your water supply is a no-fail way to level up your health overall, and your teeth are no exception to this rule. Drinking water not only helps maintain a healthy pH balance in your mouth, but it also washes away residue and acids that can cause enamel erosion. It also helps you steer clear of dry mouth, which is a gateway to bad breath. And who needs that?
5) Show Your Gums Some Love: When it comes to improving your smile, you may be laser-focused on getting your teeth whiter, straighter, and overall healthier. Rightfully so, as these are all attributes of a megawatt smile; but you certainly don’t want to leave gum health out of the equation. If you neglect your gums, you’ll start to notice the effects of plaque buildup, which can irritate the gums and cause gingivitis, the earliest stage of gum disease. Seeing blood while brushing and flossing is a tell-tale sign that your gums are suffering. You may also experience gum recession — a condition where the gum tissue surrounding your teeth pulls back, exposing more of your tooth. Brushing at least twice a day with a gum-protecting toothpaste like Sensodyne Sensitivity and Gum, coupled with regular dentist visits, will keep your gums shining as bright as those pearly whites.
Victoria Monét's 'The Jaguar Tour' Is A Lesson In The Art Of Performing
There’s people who perform songs, and then there’s performers, and let me tell you something: Victoria Monét is a PERFORMER. I first fell in love with her as an artist after hearing her hit song “Moment,” and then when her album JAGUAR was released in 2020, I was hooked. JAGUAR was one of those albums that I kept on repeat as I and the rest of the world were going through the motions of being in a pandemic. I remember watching her perform her single “Jaguar” from the album on her YouTube channel, and the way she performed so effortlessly with such confidence, I knew I had to see her live.
Luckily, I got the opportunity. Along with dropping JAGUAR II, which features the viral single “On My Mama,” Victoria also announced The Jaguar Tour, and as soon as the tickets dropped, it quickly sold out. I attended her Atlanta show at the Buckhead Theatre, and besides being met with a sea of concertgoers from wall to wall, my ears were immediately hit with a beautiful voice from none other than Alex Vaughn, who opened for the mother of one. Once Alex finished her set, it was time for the main event.
Victoria Monét
Photo by Paras Griffin/Getty Images
As soon as Victoria stepped on stage, it was hers. She commanded the room with her sultry voice and hypnotic dance moves, performing songs from albums JAGUAR I and II and previous projects such as Life After Love, Pt. 1. Fans were singing her songs word for word to the point where, at times, you no longer heard her singing. However, it was clear that she was in a room filled with love and support, and she also showed it back on stage. The singer rarely took breaks in between songs and dazzled fans with her smooth moves that is reminiscent of the legendary Janet Jackson.
One of my favorite moments was when she performed “Cadillac (A Pimp’s Anthem).” She dressed in a trench coat and fedora, complete with her pimp cane, and another big moment was when she performed “Stop (Askin’ Me 4Shyt)”. Overall, it was nice to vibe out to live performances of some of my personal faves like “Ass Like That,” “How Does It Make You Feel,” “Alright,” and “Big Boss.” In a recent cover story for Galore, Victoria revealed what she hopes concert attendees walk away with.
“On tour, I really wanna give people the best version of Victoria on stage, better than I’ve ever been before. I’m hoping people have the time of their life at the show,” she said. After working behind the scenes as a songwriter for so long, the California native now has all eyes on her, and it’s clear she was ready for this moment.
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