
May kicks off with a transformational Full Moon in Scorpio leading us into retrograde season. With Saturn and Jupiter helping up redefine our boundaries and Venus reminding us of the importance of communication—we're being equipped with the tools to create better relationship dynamics with ourselves and others. With Mars moving into Pisces, we're feeling the love and compassion for humanity. Once the Sun and Moon join the Gemini party, we're encouraged to connect and collaborate (even if that's just online for now).
Check out your horoscope for the month ahead below!
Aries

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The beginning of the month invites you to slay the metaphorical dragon in your life that makes you want to hide your truth. It's time to show up more boldly than ever before. On the 11th, Saturn goes retro for the next six months, making this the perfect time to redefine what success means to you and to restructure your approach towards that career win. Getting more acquainted with social media marketing may be an important piece to the puzzle.
The energy slows down mid-month, encouraging you to recognize the importance that rest plays in your creative process. Who knows? Your dreams could reveal your next big move. On the 14th, Jupiter goes retro, encouraging you to get into the details of mapping out your legacy. Keep in mind that people matter and the interactions you have over the next month can make or break your winning streak.
Taurus

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It's "mask off" season for you as the Full Moon reveals the true intentions of those around you. Whether you've got a secret admirer or a shady business acquaintance, all cards are finally on the table. Over the next six months, the Saturn retrograde encourages you to reassess your spiritual beliefs and practices. Are they serving you on the path towards greater personal power or are they a constant reminder that suffering is required for you to earn what you desire?
On the 13th, Mars enters Pisces, inviting you to lead with your heart—especially amongst your social circle. Don't dismiss the impact that an inspirational IG post can have on some of your followers at this time. Your personal experiences are a gold mine and once Jupiter goes retro, you'll have the attention span to finally get to work on writing that novel or creating those spiritual workshops. Near the end of the month, much of the action takes place in your money house, granting you the curiosity to explore a new lane and expand your sources of income.
Gemini

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The #StayAtHome agenda may seem like a good excuse to not exercise but the Full Moon this month says otherwise. Put the potato chips down and opt for some carrot sticks instead. On the 11th, Saturn goes retrograde, helping you understand the power dynamics within yourself and in your relationships. It's time to get real about how you're misusing your power or not owning it at all. When Mars moves into Pisces, you'll be put to the test as you gain more authority and influence in your career.
Your self-love journey comes into greater focus on the 13th when Venus goes retrograde in your sign. How have you been nurturing (or neglecting) your curiosity, your ideas, and your throat chakra? On the 14th, Jupiter follows suit, inviting you into the fold for some much-needed soul-searching. This is also a supportive time to invest in your mental and emotional health, whether that's through therapy, self-help books, or your connection to the Divine. Your birthday season officially begins on the 20th and the New Moon on the 22nd encourages you to set some intentions for the year ahead. Stay on the look-out for an important conversation or financial opportunity that presents while Mercury transits through Cancer for the next couple of months.
Cancer

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The weather is heating up and so are you, thanks to a sexy Full Moon in Scorpio at the beginning of the month. Your sacral chakra is overflowing with creativity right now. Whether you're channeling that energy into making art or making babies, you've got the magic touch. On the 11th, Saturn goes retro and this four-month period requires you to make some adjustments in your close, one-to-one relationships. Remember, babe—asserting your boundaries doesn't make you the bad guy.
Around mid-May, take is easy on yourself. Mercury moving into Gemini has your spidey-senses more sensitive than usual. If your insomnia is keeping you up late at night, try to put your phone away an hour before bedtime. On the 13th, Mars enters Pisces, inspiring you to deepen your understanding of your spiritual beliefs and your connection to a higher power. Towards the end of the month, you're invited to tie up loose ends in preparation for your solar return. You don't have to feel guilty about outgrowing your past. With Mercury moving into your sign, communicating your feelings will come a little bit easier.
Leo

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Tensions in the household are high during the week leading up to the Full Moon. All cards are on the table and there's no going back, so make sure you don't say something you'll regret. If you're tired of choosing the high road, it's time to make some preparations to move elsewhere. On the 11th, Saturn begins its retrograde and over the next four months you're given the opportunity to redefine your approach to wellness. What boundaries do you need to assert to protect your peace of mind and physical health?
Towards the middle of the month, things are getting steamy, making this a perfect time to deepen your bond with a significant other or get a little more acquainted with self-pleasure. On the 14th, Jupiter goes retro, helping you get into the details of organizing a more efficient approach towards your goals. Watch out for pushing yourself too hard! Success takes time. Your social life is buzzing towards the end of the month, making it a perfect time to host that private Zoom party so you can fill your friends in on the latest tea. The month ends on a quiet note, inviting you to kick up your feet for a stay-at-home spa day—complimentary champagne included.
Virgo

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The secret is out—whether it's that weird habit you have of saving your toenail clippings, that book you've been writing behind the scenes, or even some hidden feelings you have for your virtual personal trainer. On the 11th, you'll begin a four-month journey of revamping your approach to romance. What power struggles do you often find yourself getting pulled into? Look to your inner child for more understanding. Your one-on-one relationships with others come into focus when Mars moves into Pisces. A healthy connection requires that both parties' boundaries be honored.
It's time to get into the details when Jupiter goes retro on the 14th. If you want to have a baby, this is the perfect time to strategize your fertility plan.This is also a supportive time to revisit an old project or idea that could use a little more TLC. Towards the end of the month, most of your attention is directed towards your career goals. Steer clear of gossip and channel that chatty energy into a podcast instead. An opportunity to flex your gift of gab or the pen may present itself around the New Moon on the 22nd. The month comes to a close, reminding you of the importance of having a soft place to land amongst your tribe.
Libra

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The start of the month sets you up for a much-needed breakthrough related to an experience that had you questioning your self-worth. Recognize how you've given your power away by prioritizing other people's opinion about you over your own. When Saturn goes retrograde on the 11th, you're invited to redefine what family and home means to you. As easy-going as you are, it's important that you assert boundaries when necessary—even when it comes to your Mom calling you every day at the crack of dawn. You've got more important things to focus on like leading a COVID-19 relief fundraiser for low-income families.
Around the middle of the month, Jupiter begins its retrograde and for the next four months, you're encouraged to connect with your ancestors for the wisdom that you seek. Who knows? You could end up receiving a secret recipe for a top-selling product like our good sis Beatrice Dixon—founder of the widely loved Honey Pot brand. On the 20th, the Sun enters Gemini and is shortly followed by a New Moon. You're on a pursuit of higher knowledge whether you're starting up school again or teaching yourself a new language. Towards the end of the month, your kindness and compassion elevates you on the path to greater success and influence.
Scorpio

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All eyes are on you leading up to your Full Moon on the 7th, making this the perfect time to reveal something you've been working on behind the scenes, whether it's that cooking blog or your new protective hairstyle. When Saturn goes retrograde, you'll be spending the next few months on redefining the way you communicate with others. If you're a writer or public speaker, this transit supports you in rolling up your sleeves and getting down to business. On the 13th, Mars enters Pisces whisking you away into romantic fantasies that you plan on making your reality (maybe after the Rona makes her exit).
On the 14th, Jupiter goes retrograde and you're curious about taking your knowledge to the next level, making this a good time to crack one, or a few, of those books accumulating dust on your shelf. Gemini season officially begins on the 22nd with the New Moon following shortly behind. Over the next month, your interest in psychology, self-help, and esoteric studies is heightened. When it comes to your relationships, it's time to go deep and you just might find yourself enjoying some intriguing late night convos with your friend or romantic interest. The month comes to a close bringing news of [delayed] travel and opportunities overseas that you can act on this summer.
Sagittarius

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The beginning of the month can be quite revealing as we lead up to the Full Moon in Scorpio. Pay close attention to your dreams and you just might find out who's been sending the evil eye your way. Never fret, though. Lean on your spiritual support team for discernment to weed out the real from the fake. At this point, you know your worth and Saturn retrograde will help you understand that more deeply. Experiences of the past may have attempted to mark you as damaged goods, but the wisdom you've gained from them empowers you to make choices that reflect your worth moving forward.
Around mid-month, Mars brings your attention to home and family matters, making this a perfect time to smooth out any drama. Connecting with your ancestors through the dream realm, meditation, and prayer is also encouraged for bringing healing to your bloodline. On the 20th, the Sun enters Gemini, your relationship house. With Venus already retrograde in this part of your chart, and a New Moon on the 22nd, this is a supportive time for improving communication with bae or a business colleague. Towards the end of the month, life gets a little more private when Mercury enters Cancer, encouraging a level of emotional transparency in you that may make you squeamish. Surrender to the feels, my love.
Capricorn

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Right out of the gate, you're getting clear on where your loyalties lie as the Full Moon places a spotlight on your friends and social network. Let go of shady folks and invest your energy into people that you know are 100% team Cappie. Your ruling planet begins its retrograde on the 11th and for most of this transit you'll be redefining the boundaries between you and others. This is also a good time to switch up your appearance or revisit that old fitness routine. Just imagine where four months of consistent effort can get you.
Around the middle of the month, you're softening up when Mars enters Pisces. Cat got your tongue? You may have difficulty expressing deep emotions at this time. Journal it out, make a song, or write a poem. Whatever you do—please spare us the sappy subliminal tweets towards that person you've been crushing on secretly for a year. Towards the end of the month, your attention is on improving your mental and physical health. Remember, wellness is a lifestyle. It's not just something you prioritize on occasion. A big part of your well-being has to do with your relationships as well and when Mercury moves into Cancer, you're encouraged to focus on the nurturing connections that bring you good vibes.
Aquarius

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Your life path could be going through some changes at the top of the month. Around the Full Moon, you may decided that a current career path is no longer in alignment with you. If you've been working on a project, this is a favorable time to reveal the final results. When Saturn begins its four-month-long retrograde, you'll be encouraged to face some of the ghosts of your past. Examining your subconscious beliefs and past-life karma is the key for breaking free of limitations. On the 13th, Mars enters Pisces and you've got the magic touch when it comes to making money.
When Jupiter goes retrograde around the middle of the month, you'll be soaking up all of the gems through the Akashic Records, your dream time, and even messages from your ancestors. Gemini season officially begins on the 20th, which has you feeling flirtatious, creative, and adventurous. With a New Moon following shortly behind, you're invited to plant the seeds for a new endeavor that will bring your inner child to life (or even help you procreate if you want to have a baby). The month winds down with Mercury entering Cancer. In what ways do you need to nurture your mental and physical well-being? Instead of high-intensity workouts, opt for dancing or yoga to soothe your sensitive nerves.
Pisces

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We've got a Full Moon in Scorpio early on in the month, making it the perfect time to reveal that new online course or e-book you've been working on. Your intuitive abilities are heightened around this time. Do your best to stay grounded to avoid feelings of paranoia or anxiety. When Saturn goes retrograde, you may be required to adjust your boundaries when it comes to friends or your social media engagement. On the 13th, Mars enters your sign and you're encouraged to embrace your anger instead of suppressing it. Feeling upset doesn't make you any less of a good person. It just makes you human.
When Jupiter goes retrograde, you're gaining the insight you need to take your dreams to the next level. Gemini season begins on the 20th, bringing your attention to home and family. A New Moon on the 22nd can present some communication that gives you the go-ahead for that home loan or apartment lease. If you're interested in investing into property, now is the time to learn all of the ins and outs of the industry. Near the end of the month, Mercury enters Cancer bringing a sweet, nurturing vibe to your life making this a supportive time to create art (or babies).
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Your October 2025 Monthly Horoscopes Are All About Magnetic Love & Divine Timing
October is about the power of attraction. This is the month to set your intentions, create space for a new beginning, and find your balance between the past, present, and future. There aren’t many astrological transits this month, signaling more possibilities in the air and an opportunity to create that which you desire.
We begin the month in Libra Season, and Libra Season is always the time of year when love is the highlight. With Juno also entering Sagittarius on October 1, right as we begin the month, it’s about committing yourself to a new adventure, to the gifts of love, and to perspectives that heal and bring you closer to another.
October 2025 Astrology: An Overview
Mercury enters Scorpio on October 6, and Mercury in Scorpio only knows depth. The conversations being had this month are inspiring, transformative, and a little more blunt than usual. This energy is good for the power of persuasion and for asking for what you want, especially within business and financial matters. On the same day, we have a Supermoon in Aries, and this is a powerful Full Moon for reflection, owning your power, and letting go of the insecurities that don’t resonate with what you want for yourself and your future.
Venus, the planet of love, moves into Libra on October 13 after being in Virgo for the past month, and after some time of healing and clarity in love, Libra is here to bring in the romance. Venus loves being in Libra, and this energy creates new beginnings within relationships and provides a little extra magic in this area of life. With Pluto going direct in Aquarius on the same day after being retrograde since May, life and love move forward mid-October, helping provide more stable and nurturing foundations in your personal life and community as well.
The New Moon of the month occurs in Libra on October 21, making it a beautiful time for manifesting romance, balance, and harmony in your world.
This New Moon aligns with the Sun in Libra, and it’s all about letting a new beginning transform your world and the love in your life for the better. Scorpio Season officially begins on October 22, and Neptune retrograde enters Pisces on the same day, bringing in some water sign energy into the mix. As we close out the month, it’s time to renew, honor the transformations occurring, and know that your dreams aren’t as far out of reach as they may seem at times.
Read for your sun and rising sign below to see what October 2025 has in store for you.
What October 2025 Has In Store For Your Zodiac Sign
ARIES
AriesKyra Jay for xoNecoleOctober is all about perspective, Aries. This is the month to trust the divine timing of your life, and not let the what-ifs overwhelm you. With the Sun in Libra, your sister sign, for most of the month, October is about building connections, finding your balance in love, and knowing that you are worthy of what your heart is seeking right now. We have a Supermoon in your sign on October 6, and emotions are a little heavier this month, but also healing. Give yourself grace, and let go of what isn’t working for you.
Venus is in your house of love from October 13 until November 6, and there is a lot to look forward to when it comes to romance and the relationship dynamics in your life as you move through the month. It’s about being confident in your power of attraction and letting love come to you right now. Before October comes to an end, we have a New Moon in your 7th house of love as well, and with all this energy in your relationship zone, life changes for you in love for the better in October.
TAURUS
TaurusKyra Jay for xoNecoleOctober is a spiritual month for you, Taurus. You are thinking a lot about your next steps ahead, and are getting organized, focused, and aligned. The Supermoon on October 6 is a time of reflection for you, and you are entering the month ready to let go of the past, heal, and create space for something new in your life. This month is all about trusting your intuition and letting your wisdom guide you in your personal growth and evolution.
You are more than where you have been, and this month is a reminder of that.
With Mars in Scorpio and in your 7th house of love all month, you are motivated by the partnerships in your life right now. Your love life and relationships are where the action is for you this month, and you are honoring your passion and direction here. Venus, your planetary ruler, moves into your house of health mid-month and into November, and you are leaving October seeking healthier habits, daily routines, and relationships. Overall, this month is helping you align with your vision.
GEMINI
GeminiKyra Jay for xoNecoleThis month is a fresh start for you, Gemini. Your heart is free, love is beaming, and you are feeling larger than life. This month is about taking a leap of faith in yourself, honoring your confidence in life, and being your biggest advocate. With the Sun in your 5th house of self-expression, romance, and happiness, and with Venus entering this same area of your chart mid-October, there is a lot to look forward to right now, and things are looking up for you.
On October 21, we have a New Moon in a fellow air sign, and this is a good time to set your intentions for creative projects, hobbies, romance, and your overall happiness in life. There are a lot of little moments of magic unfolding for you this month, and this New Moon is one of them. Before October comes to an end, Mercury, your ruling planet, enters Sagittarius, and this brings open communication into your relationships, and you are having lively conversations and insights.
CANCER
CancerKyra Jay for xoNecoleThis is a transformative month for you, Cancer. You are moving through closure, healing, and depth as you navigate the opportunities that are coming into your life, with the stability you are seeking. With the Sun in your 4th house of home and family in October, this is the month to spend more time in your safe spaces, connect with your loved ones, and get grounded. You are also more focused on your financial world right now, and this is a good time for building new foundations for yourself and looking at the bigger picture when it comes to your career and life goals.
Mars is in your house of romance and happiness for the entire month, and this is one of the highlights of your life right now. You are passionate about your joy and all the things that light you up inside, and you are protecting your peace and giving more of your energy to your pleasure. Before the month ends, we have a New Moon in Libra, highlighting your home life, and some Cancers may be moving at the end of the month or getting the opportunity to turn a page here. Overall, this is your month to reflect, go within, and make sense of what has been restricting you from feeling stable.
LEO
LeoKyra Jay for xoNecoleOctober is about taking things one day at a time and being patient with what is presenting itself to you, Leo. This month, you are getting your ducks in a row and gaining the clarity needed to create a new beginning in your life. The month begins with a Supermoon in a fellow fire sign on October 6, aligning in harmony with you and fueling your need for adventure. You are going over the wisdom you have gained as of late and how it has shifted the way you navigate your life and see the world around you.
On October 13, Pluto goes direct in your 7th house of love, after being retrograde here since May. This is bringing in more balance, empowerment, and passion into your love life, and this is a positive change of energy for you after a time of some power struggles within your relationships. Before the month comes to an end, we have a New Moon in Libra, and this New Moon is the best time to set intentions for clarity, communication, and connection. October is about taking your time with things and knowing that everything is working out in your favor at the end of the day.
VIRGO
VirgoKyra Jay for xoNecoleThis October is about finding your balance, Virgo. There is a lot of energy when it comes to your finances this month, but you may be overworking or overcommitting yourself in the process. Honor the opportunities and responsibilities in your life, but make sure you are equally taking care of your health and prioritizing your time and energy so that you don’t burn out. Venus, the planet of love, is in your sign until October 13; use this energy to your benefit and let things come to you.
You are a magnet for abundance, romance, and support if you allow yourself to receive it.
On October 13, Venus moves into your 2nd house of income, and your relationships are a supportive place for you to lean on right now. Your love life and partnerships are where your financial world is evolving this month, and this is a good time to ask for what you want; you never know what may happen. At the end of the month, Neptune goes retrograde in your sister sign, Pisces, and you are taking a step back and reassessing what love means for you right now. Overall, October is about remembering that you don’t have to do it all alone, Virgo.
LIBRA
LibraKyra Jay for xoNecoleLibra Season is here, and it’s your time to shine and thrive! This Libra Season changes everything for you, and October is when you really begin to feel this shift in your life. The Sun is in your sign until October 22, and it’s time to put yourself first. With a Supermoon in Aries as we begin the month as well, you are letting go of any unhealthy attachments or relationship dynamics that take you away from yourself, and are moving into deeper clarity.
On October 13, Venus, your planetary ruler, enters your sign, where it loves to be the most. With Venus in your sign for the rest of the month, love takes on a new tone, and you are feeling more love for yourself and where life is taking you right now. To end the month, we have a New Moon in Libra, and it’s time to set your intentions for where you want life to grow for you over the next year. This is a month of embarking on a new journey of self, and allowing what is inspiring you right now to build your confidence in yourself and your relationships.
SCORPIO
ScorpioKyra Jay for xoNecoleOctober is about honoring your freedom and your power to decide, Scorpio. A lot is going on for you this month, and you have the passion and energy to see things through. Mercury, the planet of communication, moves into your sign at the beginning of the month on October 6, and this is going to help you get your ideas across, making it a good month for business matters, networking, and getting inspired. With Mars also in your sign for the entire month, life moves forward for you in transformative ways in October, and you are a force to be reckoned with.
On October 13, Venus moves into your house of closure, healing, and endings, and you are ready to close one chapter of love and create space for a new one. You are in a contemplative space when it comes to matters of the heart, and you are ready to let go of any heaviness you have been feeling here. Scorpio Season officially begins on October 22, and you are ready to begin again. This Scorpio Season is about owning your confidence in life while letting go of insecurities or self-doubts that have been getting in the way of that.
SAGITTARIUS
SagittariusKyra Jay for xoNecoleEverything unfolds for you in a beautiful way this month, Sagittarius. You are flowing well with the energy of October, and life opens up to you. With the Sun in your 11th house of aspirations, dreams, manifestations, and community, you are feeling in balance with your desires and your reality, and are bridging the gap here. This is a month of friendship, believing in your dreams, and creating space for love. With Juno also entering your sign at the beginning of the month until the end of the year, you are attracting soulmates into your life.
On October 6, we have a Supermoon in a fellow fire sign, allowing you some closure in love and a chance at healing. Your heart is feeling renewed, and you are owning your power in creating happiness in your life. Before the month ends, Mercury moves into Sagittarius, where it will be until mid-November, and inspiration is heightened. Pay attention to the guidance you are receiving this month, the conversations you are having, and the light bulb moments that are going off for you right now.
CAPRICORN
CapricornKyra Jay for xoNecoleOctober is about going within and connecting with the guidance of your soul, Capricorn. You are taking more time for yourself this month, and rightly so, as you need time to fully process what has happened so far this year. Pluto goes direct in your 2nd house of income, and this moves things forward when it comes to your earning potential, abundance, and values.
The key this month is in valuing yourself, your perspective, and what you are building in your life right now.
On October 21, we have a New Moon happening in your career zone, and this is a good time to manifest your goals within your professional world. Put yourself out there, show up, and know that you are worthy of success and that your dreams aren’t too big for you. As we close out the month, Mercury moves into your house of closure, even further facilitating your desire for contemplation and alone time this month. Overall, October is about taking care of your mental health, owning your successes, and finding your peace.
AQUARIUS
AquariusKyra Jay for xoNecoleOctober is a new beginning for you in love and in life, Aquarius. Your heart is feeling inspired, and there is a lot to look forward to right now. The Supermoon at the beginning of the month will be occurring in your 3rd house of communication, giving you the answers you have been looking for and helping you close the door on a chapter in your life that left you feeling misunderstood or misdirected. You are ready for a change of pace this month, and you are receiving that as we begin October.
Mid-October, Pluto goes direct in your sign after being retrograde since May, and this is a huge breath of fresh air for you and your path ahead. You may have been a little harder on yourself while Pluto was retrograde this year, and now you feel ready to forgive, move on, and own your power. Before the month comes to an end, we have a New Moon in Libra, and you are embarking on a new adventure. The end of the month is a good time for traveling, exploring, and gaining a new perspective.
PISCES
PiscesKyra Jay for xoNecoleThis month is giving you the guidance, perspective, and passion to see yourself with clear, loving eyes, Pisces. There is a sense of feeling more overwhelmed with life lately, and October is allowing you to gain the insight needed to move on from this energy, or at least see more of the gifts of what has occurred. On October 6, we have a Supermoon in an area of your chart having to do with self-worth, values, and income, and it’s time to see the gifts of what you have been investing in and valuing in your life, including yourself.
Let go of the need to play it small or count yourself out of important conversations, and know that you deserve a seat at the table.
With Pluto going direct in your 12th house of healing as we end the month, you are finally getting the answers you have been looking for emotionally, and it’s changing your perspective on your commitments in life and making you feel empowered. Before the month ends, Neptune goes retrograde in Pisces, and you are going to be moving through a personal revolution as we close out the year. You are inspired by change right now, and this month is what kicks starts this metamorphosis within you.
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Question: Are You People's 'Battery Charger' Or 'Battery Drainer'?
A battery in the back. Sometimes, when I’m talking to a client about a destructive pattern that they are in with someone else, that is the phrase that I will use — “You’re acting like they have a battery in your back or something.” We all pretty much know what this means: Sometimes people give other individuals too much control over their lives.
On the heels of this, I really do wish that I could give proper credit to whatever show I was watching when someone was also talking about batteries as it relates to human interactions. What they said was that, when it comes to how we deal with folks, at the end of the day, we are either a battery charger or a battery drainer — and lawd, is that not the freakin’ truth?
In a way, it makes me think of a quote by one of my favorite poets, Rumi: “Be a lamp, or a lifeboat, or a ladder. Help someone's soul heal. Walk out of your house like a shepherd.” Lamps shed light. Lifeboats save lives (and/or transition people from one spot to another). Ladders help to lift people up. And y’all, if it’s not our life’s mission to want to do one or more of these things for at least one individual on a daily basis — what the heck are we doing out here? Truly.
And yet, spend just one hour on social media and you will see more folks yapping about how to get something out of someone than to “be a shepherd” to someone else — and when all a person wants to do is take…how absolutely draining is that?
So yeah, let’s take a moment to more thoroughly explore the concept of what a human “charger” vs. a “drainer” is — not just as a gut check to make sure that you are where you should be when it comes to how you prioritize your interactions with others but also to confirm whether or not you are surrounding yourself with — pardon the pun — positive charges or…negative ones.
Energy Is a Very Real Thing
GiphyIt really is purely fascinating, the things that you can discover, if you choose to intentionally look for information. Take something that I recently learned: Did you know there are certain types of transmitters that, when they are placed on top of human skin, they send a frequency of 40 MHz into a person’s system? As a result, their body becomes conductors of energy that can actually be transferred to other devices (so long as they have the kind of receiver that can process human energy in this way).
My greatest takeaway from this? Human energy is a very real thing. Not only does it provide us with the ability and power to do various things, it’s also what can be exchanged between two individuals. In fact, many mental health experts believe that it is more than possible for people to exchange energy via things like their attraction to one either, sharing thoughts and emotions and even through one another’s body language.
And since that is indeed the case, this is just one more reason why I will forever stand 10 toes down that sex shouldn’t be handled flippantly or dismissively — because if someone has a body part of theirs inside of yours…how much energy is being exchanged from that? Geeze. And so, since you need energy in order to literally function (and to be mentally and emotionally functional) — let’s look at how a human battery charger moves and then how a human battery drainer does as well.
Ready?
5 Signs That You “Fuel” People
GiphyFuel your fueler. It’s something that I am known for saying to some of my clients whenever someone in the relationship feels like the other isn’t meeting their needs. Basically, what it means is, if an individual is giving you some of what you need in order to function and even thrive, why wouldn’t you want that same type of energy to be reciprocated to them in return? Fueling your fueler helps to equip them to keep providing what you need from them. Simple math.
And here are five ways you can do it:
1. Bring positive insights and/or wisdom. One of my favorite quotes is always going to be by the writer Jorge Luis Borges. He once said, “Don’t speak unless you can improve upon the silence” — and that is a solid gold resolve to have. In a world that is filled with so much…noise, a fueler/battery charger is someone who radiates positivity and/or offers up insights that help you to see things from another perspective and/or gives you the kind of wisdom that challenges you to grow. How often do people say that you do at least one of these things for them?
2. Create more calm than chaos. Confusion is chaos — by definition. You know some of the things that cause confusion? Unclear communication. Passive aggressiveness. Inconsistency. Gossip. Being unnecessarily dramatic. And all of this is just for starters. Meanwhile, a calm individual? They bring peace and tranquility with their words and even simply their presence — and a big cause of this is that they are at peace within themselves. This is why I think it’s a red flag whenever someone is triggered by hearing “Be my peace.”
It is actually HIGH PRAISE when someone can say that when you come around, they feel relaxed instead of…stressed out. Not wanting peace to be associated with your name? Problematic, my dear.
3. You allow “Shalom” to define you. I say often that Hebrew culture is totally my thing — and this includes the Hebrew language. And although most people know that shalom means peace, the word is far more vast than that. Shalom also means to be whole and complete. It’s also a word that speaks to things like health and prosperity. Keeping this in mind, if you are someone who “charges instead of drains,” this means that when you come to mind to other individuals, they think of how much of a blessing that you are in their lives — and you know this because they tell you so. You have a spirit of “shalom” on you and it doesn’t get much better than that.
4. You choose to be a spiritual light. Oh, please believe that when it comes to this one, I am not speaking of church folks — some of them can be the most draining (and I wrote an entire book about it!). At the end of the day, being spiritual is about knowing that there is something out here that is bigger than you (which means you act like you know that life isn’t all about you).
Being spiritual is about fulfilling purpose. Being spiritual is about focusing on the immaterial rather than the material. And when you are a fueler and charger, you do this by motivating others to become more spiritual too.
For me, I have a friend who calls me her “idea doula” and I adore everything about that. She is saying that I help her to come up with ways to grow her business and brand and that ultimately helps her to manifest her own purpose. When it comes to what people can say about what you bring into their world…how do you spiritually benefit them?
5. You are also a muse or inspiration. Pretty much, a muse is a source of inspiration for a creative (check out “10 Habits Of Successful Creatives”) and when you inspire someone, it means that you produce or arouse something within them. It could be to try something new. It could be to finish something they started. It could be to look at a person, place, thing or idea from a different perspective. Or it could be that you inspire them to be a better version of themselves — and it might just be simply by them watching how you move. Remember that a battery charge provides power. When you are around others, what do your words and actions empower them to do — and are those things for the better?
5 Signs That You Actually Wear People Out
GiphyOkay, so it would appear that singer-songwriter Peter Hammill once said that a violinist friend by the name of Graham Smith came up with the term “energy vampire” back in the 70s. Apparently it was in reference to some of Hammill’s over the top fans (the more you know). These days, energy vampires are quite simply individuals who are draining to be around because they require so much of your mental and emotional energy whenever they are in your space.
And what are five ways that these types of people can wear you all the way out?
1. They take more than they give. I’ve been known to say it often: “Where there is no reciprocity, someone is out here being a liability.” Listen, when you’re in a relationship with a person, because you both are individuals, you may not (always) need the same things (especially at the same time) and/or your requirements and expectations may be different. That’s fine. However, don’t find yourself out here being the only one who is proactive and intentional — because if you are important to someone, they should want to give and not just take. Drainers don’t care about this. Chargers absolutely do.
2. They speak in monologues more than dialogues. Something else that I have told clients before is that a lot of people don’t want a PARTNER; they want an AUDIENCE. What I mean by that is, they just want someone to give them attention, to be engrossed in what they have to say, to put them on some sort of pedestal. That’s why they don’t know how to clap for others, they suck at listening, and they may even seem more envious than excited when others win. Back in the day, I used to have relationships where I barely couldn’t get a word in edgewise; it’s because all they really wanted to do, consistently so, is wax poetic in the forms of endless streams of consciousness. LOL.
Sometimes folks need an ear to get things off of their chest; understood — yet if that is ALL that someone is doing…they aren’t wanting to connect with you…they just want some attention from you.
3. Their problems/issues are redundant and cyclic. One of my favorite people on the planet is the poster child for this point. She dates the same kinds of men, she never listens to the 50-11 folks who tell her that they are the same kind of men and then — surprise, surprise — things end up the same way…over and over…and over with these same kinds of men. We’re talking decades’ worth of this nonsense too. And as much as I love her, over the past couple of years, we’ve had to have some hard conversations about how it can be challenging dealing with her sometimes because she stays in the hamster wheel of bullshishery.
Listen, that “we listen and don’t judge” nonsense that was all over the internet several months back (or was that last year? Time is moving weird right through here)? That is some of the dumbest ish that I’ve ever heard! Discernment literally means “acute judgment” and, as my mom used to say, “Discernment prevents experience from being your teacher.” Use discernment when deciding how deeply you should get involved with people’s stuff. Also, use discernment to decide when it’s time to shift your energy. Before they drain it all.
4. They compete instead of congratulate. I don’t know about y’all but, over the course of my life, I’ve had some real doozies of narcissists in my world — and one way that they tend to show up is low-key competing with me whenever I accomplish certain things instead of rather than just sitting back and congratulating my efforts. I’ve had people look at me crazy about becoming a doula and life coach — only to become one later. When my first book came out, someone literally said, OUT LOUD, “If you can do it, I know I can then.” DRAIN.ING.
A part of the reason why science says that GOOD FRIENDSHIPS keep us healthy is because support and encouragement help to keep our stress and anxiety levels down. Competing is (typically) stressful. Being celebrated isn’t. ‘Nuf said.
5. They are full of negativity. Constantly complaining. Always looking at things through a dark/negative lens. Never seeming to be in a good mood (or expecting you to get them out of their moods). Acting apathetic instead of/more than empathetic. Being hypercritical. Playing the victim. These are just some examples of what it means to be a negative type of person. The reason why research says that these kinds of folks can drain us is, since we already are prone to act on our natural negativity bias, whenever we’re surrounded with someone who is already caught up in theirs…that energy can be quite contagious.
And since negativity is bad for your cognitive function, immune system, emotional stability and so much more — the less negativity, the better. Yep, spend as little time with this kind of “drainer” as you possibly can.
Giphy____
Like I said earlier, our batteries are basically our energy — and when it comes to wise words on energy:
“Energy is contagious: either you affect people or you infect people.” (T. Harv Eker)
“Energy speaks what you don’t.” (Drishti Bablani)
“When the energy in the room doesn't feel right, probably, it's not right. But sometimes it's also because of you.” (Mitta Xinindlu)
And when it comes to that last quote, specifically — umm, well, …see how I presented the chargers part of the article with a “you” and the drainers with a “they”? LOL. Yeah, that was so you would take the medicine down easier — oh, but definitely take in ALL of this piece, just to make sure that you don’t only have “wear me outs” in your world but that others aren’t actually thinking or saying this about you too.
Being a battery charger or a battery drainer. At least once a week, this is something that we should self-evaluate because energy is precious — and so is what we choose to do with it.
You can fuel or wear people out, y’all.
Please, for the sake of your energy levels as well as theirs…choose wisely.
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