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Your March 2020 Horoscopes Are All About Resets & Renewal
March begins with us at the tail end of Mercury Retrograde which is ending just in time for the Spring. Venus is bringing in the blessings this month as she returns home to Taurus on the 4th. The Full Moon in Virgo on the 9th helps us let go of the crap that is holding us back from actualizing our greatest potential. The astrological new year kicks off when the Sun enters Aries on the 19th restoring us with more vitality, longer days, and warmer weather. Saturn finally shifts gears this month after spending the past couple of years in Capricorn. Towards the end of the month, the New Moon lifts our spirits and Mars inspires us to work towards a better tomorrow.
Check out what's in store for your zodiac sign this month:
Aries
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The month begins with Mercury dipping back into Aquarius giving you the opportunity to reconnect with your friends and social allies. During this time, you'll become even more clear about who will play a key role in helping you achieve your big hopes and dreams. On the same day, Venus moves into Taurus blessing your finances and self-esteem over the next few weeks. Just be mindful of overspending at Ulta Beauty or your favorite boutique. On the 9th, the Full Moon in Virgo encourages you to cut Netflix off and get your lazy ass in the gym. You're encouraged to release some bad habits to prioritize a healthier lifestyle. Messy Mercury finally goes direct on the same day moving back into Pisces. Dejavu, much? Give yourself a couple more weeks to recalibrate from the retrograde weirdness.
Your birthday season officially begins on the 19th and all eyes are on you, making it a perfect time to reveal your new and improved appearance. On the 21st, Saturn finally leaves his home sign of Capricorn to begin his transit through progressive Aquarius. During this transit, you're encouraged to get innovative when it comes to the vision and the impact you want to make on your community. The New Moon on the 24th invites you to set the intention for something you'd like to manifest by the Harvest Full Moon later this fall. March comes to a close with energetic Mars moving into Aquarius amping up the genius content for your social media while also reminding you of the power in numbers. There's no need to do it all alone, Aries. Remember—teamwork makes the dream work.
Taurus
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The beginning of the month gives you a chance to review your strategy when it comes to climbing up the ranks in your career. An important conversation with your supervisor or an influential person can provide you with key information for achieving your goals. On the 4th, your ruling planet, Venus, moves into your sign making you a magnet for money and love. You've got the Midas touch so make the most of these next few weeks. The Full Moon on the 9th is the perfect time to reveal that project or that cute little baby bump you're growing. On the same day, Mercury goes direct and moves into Pisces on the 16th, reviving your mission to make the world a better, and more beautiful, place.
Your world gets a little more private when the Sun moves into Aries on the 19th. Over the next month, prioritize rest and moments of solitude to reflect on your past year. Make an attempt to tie up any loose ends before your birthday season. On the 21st, Saturn moves into Aquarius requiring you to put in a little more effort than usual when it comes to your career advancement. Try to stay 10 steps ahead of the game to rise above the competition. The New Moon on the 24th initiates you into the next phase of your spiritual evolution, reminding you just how powerful your divinity is. On the 30th, Mars moves into Aquarius and gives you extra motivation to expand your professional network, making this a perfect time to create that LinkedIn account.
Gemini
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March kicks off with a quarter moon in your sign on the 2nd, making this your most productive week of the month. On the 4th, your ruling planet dips back into Aquarius, giving you the chance to brush up on your knowledge of a topic of interest. This is also a favorable time to work out any issues with immigration or international affairs. Venus, planet of love and money, moves into Taurus on the same day giving you extra support from the non-physical world. Ask and ye shall receive. On the 9th, a Full Moon in Virgo could bring family matters to a head. Avoid being overly critical of your loved ones (and try not to take it personally if someone is sharing their unsolicited advice). Channel your attention to detail to organizing and cleaning your home instead. On the same day, Mercury goes direct and moves back into Pisces on the 16th and an important conversation at work could give you a promising glimpse into your rise up the career ladder.
The Sun moves into Aries on the 19th making you the center of attention amongst your friends and also inspiring you to reconnect with the bigger vision of your life. This transit encourages you to be a leader in a world full of followers. On the 21st, Saturn leaves behind a grueling two-and-a-half year transit in Capricorn and moves into Aquarius inviting you to expand your knowledge and spiritual awareness. Going back to school, enrolling in a course, or even connecting with a mentor can do wonders for your growth over the next couple of years. The New Moon on the 24th motivates you to take a stand for a cause that is near to your heart. Focus on defining what your mission is to align with your purpose and your soul tribe. The month comes to a close with Mars moving into Aquarius reminding you that there's little truth to everyone's beliefs. Seek to find common ground instead of discrediting other people's experiences.
Cancer
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The first half of the month brings your attention to your inner world and your closest relationships with Mercury going retro in Aquarius. This is a good time to revisit any conversations about shared assets and income. If you've been avoiding Sallie Mae, this may be a good time to arrange a plan to start paying off those student loans. On the same day, Venus moves into Taurus and you're feeling the love from your tribe and maybe even some romance from a secret admirer who wants to be more than friends. The Full Moon on the 9th encourages you to share those beautiful thoughts of yours with the world. Maybe it's time to finally go live on IG or launch that blog. Mercury goes direct on the same day and moves back into Pisces on the 16th. You've got a lot of wisdom to share and some wide-eyed followers that are pining for you to drop some gems.
On the 19th, the Sun moves into Aries, lighting the fire beneath your ass to make some major moves on the career front. As a cardinal sign, you're a natural born leader (even though that may not be the most comfortable role for you). With that being said, taking a leadership development class could win you some brownie points on the job. After spending the past couple of years in Capricorn, Saturn finally enters Aquarius on the 21st, giving you the chance to transform and heal from some karma that's affected your ability to connect with others more intimately. The New Moon on the 24th could land you a new job or promotion that you rightfully deserve. Just get ready for the extra responsibility that comes with this new role. The month ends on a high note with Mars moving into Aquarius helping you understand the bigger picture when it comes to some of your most painful experiences.
Leo
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March kicks off with Mercury dipping back into Aquarius on the 4th giving you the chance to revisit some important plans you and a significant other are making. Renegotiating existing contracts is also favorable during this time. On the same day, Venus moves into Taurus, helping you receive the praise you love so much from your supervisor or someone you look up to professionally. The Full Moon on the 9th helps you push past a mental hang-up that's been wreaking havoc on your self-esteem and possibly your finances as well. Mercury finally goes direct on the same day, moving back into Pisces on the 16th, inviting you to delve deeper into your connections.
It's time to let those guards down to receive the love and healing you deserve.
The Sun enters your sister sign Aries on the 19th, motivating you to expand your awareness. Take a pilgrimage to a place, check out a seminar, or go back to school to enhance your wisdom. You may even consider teaching others about a topic of expertise. On the 21st, Saturn begins its transit through Aquarius giving you a chance to clear up some relationship karma. *cues Erykah Badu's "Next Lifetime"* The New Moon on the 24th inspires you to pave your own lane when it comes to your spiritual evolution. Recognize the guru within you. Towards the end of the month, you're feeling motivated to secure a more solid relationship or business partnership with someone that shares your vision.
Virgo
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The beginning of the month draws your attention towards your physical and mental wellness. It's time to revamp your daily routine so it's more supportive of your health. On the same day, Venus moves into Taurus, bringing you fortune and blessings in the form of a much-needed vacation. You could also receive opportunities to share your expertise on a bigger platform. On the 9th, the Full Moon in your sign encourages you to show the world what you've got. Your ruling planet Mercury goes direct on the same day then moves into Pisces on the 16th, giving you the chance to renegotiate the terms of a contract or to heal a significant relationship.
On the 19th, the Sun moves into Aries helping you feel empowered and ready to overcome any psychological obstacles that stand in the way of your success. This is also a good time to resolve your fears of stepping into a role of leadership. After spending the past couple years in Capricorn, Saturn finally shifts into Aquarius on the 21st, helping you get more innovative in your approach to your physical wellness. Over the next couple of years, you may be challenged to release some bad habits that aren't supportive of your health, wealth, or happiness. On the 24th, the lively New Moon could align you with some much-needed financial support, making this the perfect time to apply for that business loan. The month comes to a close with Mars moving into Aquarius, motivating you to devote more energy to acts of service and making the world a better place.
Libra
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March begins with Mercury dipping back into Aquarius, inviting you to reconnect with a creative project or hobby. Your ruling planet, Venus, moves into Taurus on the same day, helping you attract financial support from people that value your expertise and drive. When it comes to romance, you'll be spending plenty of time indulging in the sensual pleasures of life. The Full Moon on the 9th helps you resolve the battle with your own inner critic. Pay close attention to your dreams for signs and synchronicities around this time. On the same day, Mercury goes direct then moves into Pisces on the 16th, making this a good time to schedule your annual health screening.
On the 19th, the Sun moves into Aries making your relationships the top priority over the next month. This is a promising time to establish a more solid commitment or to business partnership. Saturn, Lord of Karma, moves into Aquarius on the 21st, helping you clear out some creative and romantic blockages. On the 24th, the New Moon lands you an opportunity to connect with someone that supports your mission and wants to play a role in helping you accomplish your goals. With spring finally here, you'll likely be restless for some adventure once Mars moves into Aquarius on the 30th. Now that Mercury is finally direct, this would be the perfect time to gather your girls for a road trip.
Scorpio
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Family matters are your top priority in the first part of the month and you may be asked to play mediator in an ongoing conflict (unless you're the one in the middle of it). On the same day, Venus moves into Taurus giving you the grace you need to bring harmony to the situation. The Full Moon on the 9th encourages you to reassess your social circle and detox where necessary. Mercury goes direct on the same day and you're even more clear about who you're no longer in alignment with. On the 16th, Mercury moves into Pisces helping you tap into the infinite source of creativity. If you've got an audition around this time, you're sure to stand out amongst the competition.
The Sun moves into Aries on the 19th shifting your attention to your health. It's time to whip that Winter body into shape for the Summer. You're feeling more motivated than you have in a while making this an ideal time to make those lifestyle changes that will improve your overall well-being. On the 21st, Saturn moves into Aquarius getting you tapped into the wisdom & guidance of your ancestors. Over the next couple of years, you'll experience major breakthroughs in generational karma as you establish a more authentic way of existing in the world. Family planning and property investment may also be a big focus. On the 24th, the New Moon motivates you to be of service to the collective which requires you to step into your own unique style of leadership. On the 30th, Mars moves into Aquarius reminding you to see the bigger picture as you create your family's legacy through the impact you make on the world.
Sagittarius
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March starts off quietly on the tail end of Mercury retrograde drawing your attention towards your inner world. You may feel more inclined to focus on a personal project or dive into some research about a social cause of interest. On the 4th, Venus enters Taurus, helping you attract good fortune in the workplace. This placement is notorious for overindulging so be mindful of backtracking on your New Year resolution to lay off the sweets or the wine. The Full Moon on the 9th is fit for celebrating your latest career achievement. If you're feeling stuck in your professional development, this energy can illuminate how you're potentially sabotaging yourself. On the same day, Mercury goes direct then moves into Pisces to help you smooth out friction amongst the household or family members.
On the 19th, the Sun moves into Aries inviting you to indulge in more romance, creativity, and play, making this a great time to start a new project or reconnect with a childhood hobby. After spending the past couple of years in Capricorn, Saturn transitions into Aquarius on the 21st. During this transit, you're invited to restructure the way you communicate and connect with others. Building a social media presence may be one of your top priorities and the easiest way to get your voice heard. The New Moon on the 24th encourages you to put yourself out there when it comes to love. Don't be afraid to seize the moment! March comes to a close with energetic Mars moving into Aquarius, making it the perfect time for some Spring Break fun.
Capricorn
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March kicks off with you renegotiating your contract with your employer or adjusting your rates for your services. Either way it goes, your prices are going up. On the 4th, Venus moves into Taurus, bringing you good fortune and lots of romance. Pluto and Saturn have been giving you enough shit, so enjoy the blessings of this transit. The Full Moon on the 9th encourages you to always be curious and open to change which could result in you parting ways with some old beliefs that don't support the direction you're going in. Trust yourself, Cappie. There is no guru outside of you. On the same day, Mercury goes direct in Aquarius before moving forward into Pisces on the 16th which has you deep in your feels. Channel your emotions into your art instead of your Twitter timeline, please.
On the 19th, the Sun moves into Aries which brings your attention to home and family. This energy can be impatient and ready to pop off, so practice a little extra patience with your loved ones over the next few weeks. Your ruling planet, and the thorn in everyone's side, finally moves out of your sign and into Aquarius on the 21st. This next Saturn transit gives you the opportunity to clear up karma related to your self-worth and finances which is ultimately aligning you with greater prosperity to come over the next couple of years. On the 24th, the New Moon invites you to be a pioneer in your family. Don't be afraid to live the wildest dreams your ancestors only imagined. The month comes to an end with Mars getting you focused on increasing your flow of income and impacting the world for the greater good.
Aquarius
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The month begins with Mercury dipping back into your sign mid-retrograde. If anyone is getting random texts from their ex(es), it'll be you. On the 4th, Venus moves into Taurus and love matters take on a more private approach. You'll likely just want to cuddle up with bae in the comfort of your own home. On the 9th, the Full Moon liberates you from the torment of your inner critic and maybe even the nightmares of that overbearing, judgmental person that you never felt good enough for. Mercury goes direct on the same day then transitions into Pisces on the 16th making this an ideal time to partake in some money magic or listen to your fav prosperity affirmations.
On the 19th, the Sun moves into Aries and your social media presence is getting a boost thanks to your bold approach in communication. Stop playing modest and flex that genius mind, and mouthpiece, of yours. Saturn, Lord of Karma, moves into your sign on the 21st restructuring the way you express yourself and engage with the world around you. By the end of this transit, you'll feel like a totally new, and much wiser, person. The New Moon on the 24th encourages you to launch that blog or podcast. All inhibitions go out the window when Mars moves into your sign on the 30th granting you just the courage you need stand proudly in your truth.
Pisces
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March begins with Mercury briefly visiting Aquarius before moving back into your sign on the 16th. On the 4th, Venus moves into Taurus, landing you a lot of attention via social media and dating apps. The Full Moon on the 9th can illuminate how you sabotage your relationships, and yourself, by constantly playing the role of captain save-a-hoe. Boundaries are your saving grace. Don't be afraid to say "no" to a person or opportunity that needs too much fixing. On the same day, Mercury goes direct and you're feeling more comfortable expressing some of the insights you gained during your brief hiatus. On the 16th, people are hanging on your every word and you've got the power to heal the masses, or at least the people that value your wisdom.
On the 19th, the Sun moves into Aries which is a nice boost for your self-esteem. Stop playing humble and recognize just how talented you are. There are so many ways for you to make money and it's time for you to boldly pursue a secret dream of yours. On the 21st, Saturn moves into Aquarius where it'll spend the next couple of years dissolving subconscious patterns and karmic contracts that are blocking you from fully stepping into your destined path. The New Moon on the 24th instills the courage that you need to go for it. March comes to a close with Mars moving into Aquarius, giving you a chance to reconnect with your vision and your conviction more than ever before.
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This article is sponsored by Hulu.
UnPrisonedhas returned for its highly anticipated second season, delving deeper into the complex dynamics of the Alexander family.
The series premiere comes a year after its debut season garnered rave reviews from fans and critics and earned record-breaking ratings for Hulu's Onyx Collective brand. UnPrisoned's success can be attributed to its raw, relatable themes and comedic appeal.
Inspired by creator Tracy McMillan's life, the show follows Paige (Kerry Washington), a therapist and single mother whose life takes an unexpected turn when her father, Edwin (Delroy Lindo) --who was released from prison-- moves in with her and her teenage son, Finn (Faly Rakotohavana).
Throughout UnPrisoned's first season, viewers witnessed how Edwin's incarceration deeply affected Paige's life and relationships. In the series, Paige unpacks her trauma through interactions with her inner child and her online followers. Meanwhile, Edwin is overcoming specific struggles with his own past that led to his life of crime, including a dysfunctional upbringing and his mother's arrest. As the Alexanders attempt to reconcile, new challenges arise.
This new season promises to further explore their unconventional family dynamic. Here are several compelling reasons why season two of UnPrisoned should be on everyone's watchlist.
The Alexander Family Life Is Still In Shambles
UnPrisoned's second season resumes where the series left off, with Paige grappling with the fallout from her troubled therapy practice and Edwin navigating life independently after moving out. Meanwhile, Finn faces his own challenges. The teenager is battling anxiety and seeking information about his father—a topic Paige avoids discussing.
The Alexander Family Are Attending Therapy To Resolve Their Underlying Issues
Amid the chaos in their lives, the Alexander family decides to mend their bond by confronting their past traumas. They seek professional help and attend therapy sessions with a “family radical healing coach,” played by John Stamos, a new cast member. This collective effort aims to unravel the complexities of their shared history and strengthen their relationships.
The process of unraveling each character's internal conflicts and their potential impact on future relationships may clash with Paige's textbook therapy approach. While Paige is used to being in the therapist's seat in both career and family, this forces her into the unfamiliar role of a patient during therapy sessions. This shift would compel her to look in the mirror and try a radically different approach.
The Alexander Family Learned A Big Lesson During A Therapy Session
In therapy, the Alexanders are tasked with addressing their individual traumas to salvage their remaining relationships. One of the family therapist’s eccentric suggestions was an exercise involving a family wrestling match. During this session, Paige faces tough questions about her refusal to share information about Finn's father.
While it's unclear whether this scene is reality or fantasy, the image of the family duking it out in the ring certainly makes for hilarious yet compelling television.
Paige Tries Dating Again Following Failed Relationships
Amid her life's chaos, Paige decides to step back into the dating field. However, her many attempts have left her with mixed results. The dating apps have turned out to be a fail, and an outing with her ex Mal (Marque Richardson), who is also her father's parole officer, doesn’t go quite as expected after he brings an unexpected guest – his new girlfriend.
The situation takes an awkward turn when Mal's new partner learns why the former couple split, partly due to Paige's self-sabotage.
UnPrisoned Is A Perfect Balance Of Comedy And Drama
As a dramedy, UnPrisoned takes a comedic approach to its heavy subjects. The show takes us on a ride with Paige's dating misadventures and navigating a friendship with her ex.
Other lighthearted moments include Edwin's attempts at CPR based on online videos and, of course, the antics of the Alexander family's unconventional new healing coach.
The second season of UnPrisoned is now available on Hulu.
UnPrisoned | Season 2 Trailer | Hulu
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The Common Denominator Is You. So, Why Do You Keep Choosing The Wrong Men?
Everywhere you go, there you are. It’s one of those popular sayings (kind of like “It is what it is”) that I find myself using a lot, especially when I’m in sessions with my clients. Why? Well, it’s kind of likean article that I once read that pretty much said our culture likes to play the toxic game of blaming other people because it’s an easy way to deflect from personal accountability (check out “What It Actually Means To 'Hold Yourself Accountable'”). So true, so true,
Well, another way of saying “everywhere you go, there you are” is using the math term “common denominator” — and today, what we’re going to attempt to tackle is, why is it that some of us, if we stepped back a moment to take a very real and honest assessment of our dating life, do we always end up with the same kind of guy? One who really isn’t the best for us; sometimes, not even close.
Before getting into some questions that I think can help you get to the answer, let me just say that this is definitely one of the kinds of pieces that may step on at least your pinky toe before it’s all said and done. At the same time, although this might not be the most comfortable of reads, keep in mind what the late poet, singer, and publisher Tuli Kupferberg once said, “When patterns are broken, new worlds emerge.”
And so, if when it comes to the caliber of men you’ve dated, what you’ve been doing is revealing that your pattern is not really working for your ultimate good, spend a bit of time trying to unpack just why that could be the case — why, at the end of the day, you truly are the common denominator in it all.
How Self-Aware Are You?
About five years ago, I penned an article for the site entitled “These Are The Things Self-Aware People Do Daily.” You know, of all of the things to be in this life, prioritizing self-awareness is king because self-aware people do things like hold themselves accountable, know their strengths and weaknesses, identify their triggers, have good boundaries, self-reflect, pay attention to their own “blind spots” — and they can — eh hem — take feedback and constructive criticism pretty well.
That last one? If you’re constantly in a hamster wheel or even a cul-de-sac when it comes to men, be honest with yourself: did your family, friends, hell, even your co-workers warn you about some of the guys you dated, and you found yourself either defending, deflecting or getting offended? Yeah, self-aware people don’t get down like that because they would rather have peace and be wrong than act like they are always right and remain in chaos.
So yeah, if you’re always in some foolishness or even in relationships that are simply a counterproductive waste of time, pondering how self-aware you actually are is a really good place to start. Self-reflect. Know your weaknesses. Listen to what others have to say about your tendencies. All of this can do you a whole lot of good.
How Humble Are You?
Society is a wild place, boy. The reason why I say that is because, while it’s out here acting like humility is a bad thing, Scripture says, “By humility and the fear of the Lord are riches and honor and life.” (Proverbs 22:4) And why is humility such a vital spiritual attribute? Because, when you’re humble — you’re grateful; you’re teachable; you’re open to seeing things outside of your own perspective; you’re compassionate and empathetic; you’re flexible; you’re forgiving, and you’re able to release your ego so that you can accept what you need over what you want.
What you need over what you want. Chile, if that doesn’t keep some people in cyclic stuff, I honestly don’t know what does. There’s a client that I have right now who only contacts me when she’s basically blown up her life because she constantly gets caught up in a man’s looks and bedroom performance. When I tell her that she needs to stop making that #1 and #2 of things to look for in a relationship, she “uh-huh's” me and then does what she wants to do anyway — only for it to end up wreaking all sorts of havoc…again.
It’s another message for another time about how some of us could stand to look within to see if wanting a fine man above all else is more about validating some deep-rooted insecurities that we have about our own looks (ouch). For now, I’ll just say that if your ego is out here telling you that looks and sexual performance should trump things like character and consistency, it is LYING to you. If you chose to heed the humble side of yourself, you would know that.
And this actually brings me to my next question.
How Stuck Are You in Your “Type”?
The reason why I wrote “According To Experts, We All Have A ‘Type’” back in the day is because it’s true — pretty much all of us have a type which is pretty much a preference; there’s absolutely nothing wrong with that either. At the same time, I’m advising, from very up close and personal experience, that it’s a good idea to spend some time pondering “the origin story” of where your type came from.
Me? I’m always gonna be down for a very tall, hella chocolate, basketball (or soccer) build Black man. However, I’m a sexual abuse survivor and my molester looked a lot like that, so during the healing process of what he did to me, I had to factor in his influence. Plus, my first love also fits the physical mold and he definitely had quite an impact on my life. So…see what I mean? My type didn’t just come out of nowhere. Yes, sometimes your type may have some trauma or drama attached to it. And yes, that might be really uncomfortable to think about; still, that doesn’t mean it’s not true.
Now my late fiancé? He was right at about 6’ and, complexion-wise, he was lighter than I am. He treated me better than most of the men of my past, though — and even though he definitely pursued me for a while to get me to consider us beyond being friends, because I took a risk outside of my type, I learned what it was like to be loved in a healthy way. And what that did for me was it taught me to remain open outside of my standard type. I still like a tall-ass Godiva man, chile (and don’t let him have a beard and be in a tailored suit!). I don’t limit myself to that package, though. To do so would be severely limiting — potentially tragic even.
How Healed Are You?
“Healed” is a word that comes up A LOT in the social media space. When it comes to relationships, specifically, it’s important to ask yourself if you are healed from your past because, if you aren’t, you very well could be reliving it over and over…and over again, whether you realize it (or choose to accept it) or not.
Just so that we’re all on the same page, the word “heal” means things like healthy, sound, and whole. Synonyms for the word include improve, restore, mend, soothe, and rehabilitate. Signs that you have healed from past hurts of a relationship (or a series of relationships) include you don’t think of them with anger or bitterness; you can see the silver linings from the experience; you’ve forgiven them for things that they did wrong (or that simply hurt you — and no, that’s not always one and the same), and you don’t pick (or avoid) other people to be in your life solely based on what someone else did to you.
What I mean by that last one is an unhealed woman may say something like, “I don’t want to do [such and such] for a first date. That’s what my ex liked to do.” The new guy isn’t him, so why does he have to be beholden to your past? Or, “I don’t trust men who won’t let me go through their phone. That’s how I found out my ex was cheating.” You know, for all of the women who like to play a non-animated form ofInspector Gadget (the real ones know), they sure don’t want their phones inspected as much as they like to do all of the inspecting. SMDH. Anyway, I don’t go through phones. For what? I don’t pay the bill and I’m not anyone’s parent. And so, your next guy not preferring it either? That doesn’t automatically mean that he’s up to no good — he may just want his boundaries respected. An unhealed person may not accept that. A healed one tends to, though.
And how can being unhealed play a direct role in you choosing the same guys over and over again? It’s weird because, sometimes you will go back to what’s familiar to you — because the new guy is such a risk, you’d prefer to “stick to the devil you know” than take a chance on someone who rolls very differently. It’s a cryptic way of remaining the common denominator in your dating dynamics. Oh, but it happens all of the time, chile.
What Makes a Man WRONG for You? Specifically?
Okay, with a lot of the inner work out of the way, how do you even come to the conclusion that someone (or several people) is wrong for you? Because you know what? Once you’ve done some real healing (and serious maturing), you can oftentimes find yourself accepting the fact that just because someone may not be right for you, that doesn’t automatically or necessarily make them a bad person. No, not at all.
Although the word “wrong” can mean that something or someone isn’t morally right, wrong also means things like erroneous, not suitable or appropriate, not in accordance with certain requirements, or — and please catch it — out of order (which sometimes consists of the right thing happening at the wrong time). So, if it does seem like you keep choosing (because it is always a choice; that is also where accountability comes in) men who aren’t appropriate, aren’t in accordance with your needs or standards, or who aren’t what you need at the time — why is that? Is it rooted in fear? Impatience? Settling? What?
I have had enough clients go through this to know that it’s not good enough to be abstract about someone being “wrong” for you. You need to set aside one weekend, get some wine and a fresh journal, and really get into what wrong looks like. For instance, if you keep lowering your standards (which is the wrong thing to do, by definition), why is that? Because no matter how wrong the guy may ultimately turn out to be, what you have to be willing to accept is — again — you chose him. Why do you choose what’s wrong? Because, more times than not, some red (or at least orange) flags were waving long before the relationship came crashing down; oftentimes, they reveal themselves within the first couple of dates. You just chose to ignore them.
One more.
Do You Know a Good Man When You See One? You Sure?
As we close all of this out, when you get a chance, please check out “Question: Is The Man In Your Life Good 'TO' You? Good 'FOR' You? Or...Both?” Learning the difference between “to” and “for” took my own relational processing to an entirely new and freeing level. And you know what? Back to the healing point, another way to know that you’ve healed is you don’t generalize men. Meaning, that if you’re out here declaring that there aren’t any good ones, that’s not true; you’re just jaded (I mean, it’s the truth), and that head and energy space is affecting your judgment and perspective.
That said, if you’re constantly selecting the wrong men, ask yourself if you even know what a good man looks like (cue India.Arie’s “Good Man”). Again, by definition, good means things like morally excellent, right, kind, friendly, benevolent, educated, financially sound (not rich, stable and responsible…goodness), genuine, reliable, dependable, responsible, attractive, warm, intimate — satisfactory to the purpose (yes, that’s a literal definition).
For a man to be good for you, you need to know what purpose he is to serve at this particular point in your life because if, for example, all men seem to do, in your eyes, is use you for sex, why are you prioritizing sex over an emotional connection if the latter is the purpose that you seek right now? A lot of women can stop being the common denominator when it comes to choosing the wrong man if they 1) become the good that they seek and 2) do not betray the purpose behind why they even desire a relationship in the first place.
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I know. When things aren’t going your way when it comes to matters of the heart, it can be easy to always say it’s the man’s fault. If there’s a pattern, though, please be a bit more self-reflective than that.
Once you do, you’d be amazed by how much about you shifts — to where the wrong guys can’t even get close to you, in the way that they used to, anymore.
Because you cease to be the “common denominator” you once were.
And how wonderful is that?
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