Explore your sign’s 2024 horoscope predictions to learn what is in store for you this year in love, career, and more. Check out the love compatibility of each sign to learn more about zodiac pairings and all things compatibility.
July is a month of connection, hope, planning, and rejuvenation. The energy begins to settle more this month after a somewhat dramatic June. This is when new relationship developments will be taking place, and when the power of love, understanding, and connectivity prevails. We enter July in Cancer Season, and when the Sun is in Cancer emotions are high, but so is the love. There is more nurturing and caring energy flowing through the world this month and you will feel it strongly as you move through it.
The month begins with Neptune going retrograde in Pisces from July 2 until December 7. Neptune retrograde makes things a little foggy for now, and inner clarity may feel more challenging to grab ahold of. Overall, Neptune moving into retrograde motion tells us our dreams have the power to become a reality, but make sure you balance your realistic goals with the hope you have for it all. Mercury moves into Leo on the same day, and Mercury in this fire sign brings the heat into communication matters. Mercury in Leo wants to perform. Conversations are more drastic and intense for the time being, and this transit will allow you to feel more confident in what you have to say while giving space for others to do so as well.
The Month Ahead: Your July 2024 Horoscopes
On July 5, the New Moon of the month occurs. This New Moon will be in Cancer, joining the Sun. This is a good New Moon to set your intentions for your emotional world and to not only visualize what you want in your life right now but to take the time to truly feel into it. Take a relaxing bath, go to the beach, light a candle of intention, and do what feels soothing and nurturing to your life during this time.
On July 11, Venus moves into Leo, and Venus in Leo is a proud lover. Venus, the planet of love, being in this bold fire sign brings passion to romantic and relationship matters. Don’t be afraid to put yourself first right now and to go after the love you want, while knowing you deserve the best for yourself. This is a time of recognizing your desires in love.
Mars leaves Taurus and enters Gemini on July 20, and this is bringing a little chaos to the emotional waters of Cancer Season. Mars in Gemini is proactive but can also be reactive, and we are being asked to think things through before acting on them. The day after, there is a Full Moon in Capricorn, and this is the Strawberry Moon of the year. This Full Moon is all about letting go of self-sabotage and recognizing the growth, skills, and achievements you have created in your life thus far.
This Full Moon is about checking in, doing the work, and letting go of old belief systems that don’t serve you. Don’t underestimate yourself right now.
Leo Season officially begins on July 22 this year, and this Leo Season will be interesting as Mercury will be going retrograde later in August. On July 25, Mercury moves out of Leo and enters Virgo, and Mercury feels more powerful here. Mercury will be in Virgo until August 14, and communication is more clear, direct, and thoughtful. Mercury in Virgo asks all the right questions, and your power is in the details right now.
Before July comes to an end, Chiron goes retrograde in Aries from July 26 until December 29, and healing takes priority right now. While Chiron is retrograde, this is a good time to be proactive with your healing and the things that matter to you and to focus on renewing your inner power and living a confident life. Overall, July is about doing what is best for you, your heart, and your peace of mind.
What July 2024 Has In Store For Your Zodiac Sign
Read for your sun sign and rising sign below to see what the month has in store for you.
ARIES
AriesKyra Jay for xoNecoleYour guidance for the month is to take your time with what you are developing and to consider all options, Aries. The Sun is in your 4th house of home and family for most of the month, and you need more time to decompress right now. You are moving through July with a sense of purpose but also with more of a need to emotionally regulate and understand your inner world better. Venus will be entering a more romantic area of your birth chart on July 11, and this is going to be spicing things up for you in life and love.
On July 21, there is a Full Moon occurring in your 10th house of career, reputation, and achievement, and this is a good time to take a look at how far you have come. Work matters are culminating and some important projects are seeing completion now. Before the month ends, Chiron goes retrograde in your sign until the end of the year, and you are going to be learning more about what it means to love yourself, heal, and ask the tough questions.
TAURUS
TaurusKyra Jay for xoNecoleThis month is all about getting the right head space and heart space, Taurus. A lot is developing for you right now, but it may be hard to notice your progress because things are moving as quickly as you have hoped. With a New Moon happening on July 5, in the area of the birth chart having to do with communication, you are receiving some important divine guidance as the month begins.
Set your intentions for mental clarity and allow yourself to be heard right now as you never know what may spark the right conversations that need to be had.
Venus, your ruling planet, enters Leo and moves into your 4th house on July 11. This transit for you will be all about bringing love and compassion into the home and feeling a stronger support system in your life. Find your people and connect more with the people you resonate with and feel safe with. Before the month ends there is a Full Moon happening in an adventurous area of your birth chart, and the things you took a leap of faith on over the past month, are coming full circle for you now.
GEMINI
GeminiKyra Jay for xoNecoleThis month is about creating boundaries and putting your well-being first, Gemini. Gemini Season is over, but there is still a lot on your plate as your responsibilities accumulate. With the Sun in your 2nd house of income for most of the month, you are focused on your financial world right now and are creating new plans for your growth here. The New Moon on July 5, will be helping you set the right intentions for your abundance and will be showing you what has been blocking your flow here.
Venus enters your 3rd house of communication on July 11, and this is bringing in more connection and understanding in your life. Mid-July you are feeling more of the coming together with others that you have been looking for this month. On July 20, Mars enters your sign where it will be until September 4, and you have more energy, charisma, and direction with you now. This summer is going to be very active for you, and you are going to be having a lot of fun.
CANCER
CancerKyra Jay for xoNecoleJuly is all about opportunity, Cancer. It’s officially Cancer Season, and it’s your time to be bold, be confident, and go after your heart’s desires. The month begins with a New Moon in your sign on July 5, and this is a good time to set intentions for your personal goals, self-love, and self-care. This New Moon is all about getting back to you and giving yourself the love and nurturing you so often give to others.
On July 21, there is a Full Moon in your opposite sign, Capricorn, and this Full Moon is bringing things full circle when it comes to love and finances.
You have been working on your personal development this month and have been putting yourself first more, and towards the end of July, you are seeing the benefits this has brought to your close relationships and your financial reality. Cancer Season ends on July 22, the Sun moves into your house of income, and you are putting your financial goals more to the forefront. While the Sun is in Leo, your abundance increases and you are going to be seeing growth here over the next month.
LEO
LeoKyra Jay for xoNecoleJuly is a healing month for you, Leo. You are learning more about your heart this month, and are healing through understanding and acknowledging your past. The month begins with Mercury moving into your sign on July 2, and more clarity and understanding are coming in for you now. Mercury in Leo makes matters of the mind more prominent for you, and you are coming up with some good ideas and perspectives right now that are helping you through what is thrown your way this month.
On July 11, Venus enters Leo and love takes a turn for the better. There may have been some challenges of feeling the love in support in your life recently, and you are moving away from this energy now as you recognize the need to give yourself the love you have been seeking. Leo Season officially begins on July 22, and it’s time to shine in your truth. This Leo Season will have some ups and downs as Mercury will be going retrograde in your sign for two weeks so overall, this is your month to renew, and gain clarity.
VIRGO
VirgoKyra Jay for xoNecoleJuly is all about having fun, Virgo. You are in high spirits this month, and there is a lot to celebrate in your life. You are feeling more friendship, connection, and overall joy this month, and this energy is more prevalent for you with the Sun in your 11th house of hopes, dreams, and manifestations for most of July. Mercury will be in your house of closure and endings as we enter the month, however, and you are experiencing a big letting go in your life as well.
The Full Moon of July is happening in a fellow earth sign, Capricorn, and romance is high for you during this time.
This Full Moon is giving you clarity on matters of the heart, and love feels more stable and secure right now. On July 25, Mercury enters your sign where it will be until August 14, and Mercury is your ruling planet and loves being in your sign. You are going to be learning a lot through communication matters over the next few weeks and will be taking more time to consider how you want to communicate and come across.
LIBRA
LibraKyra Jay for xoNecoleJuly is about creating abundance in your life, Libra. This is an active month for you as you take on new opportunities and thrive in what you are working towards. With the Sun in your 10th house of career for most of July, you are focused on making your goals a reality and taking on more responsibilities here. Venus moves into your 11th house of hopes, dreams, and friendship on July 11th, and this is going to help you navigate the new direction this part of your life is headed in this month.
The Full Moon of the month is a fortunate time for you and will be occurring on July 21st. This Full Moon is bringing things full circle for you in the home, and creating an emotional clarity that makes you feel safer with where you are in life and who is by your side. Before July ends, Chiron goes Retrograde in your sister sign Aries, and your love life is going to be moving through a transformation for the rest of the year. Chiron Retrograde is going to be helping you overcome any issues with codependency.
SCORPIO
ScorpioKyra Jay for xoNecoleThis month is all about patience and communicating effectively Scorpio. The Sun is in an adventurous and transformative area of your birth chart for most of the month, and this is a good time to travel or to think about the things you want to do in life. There is a New Moon in this same area of your chart on July 5, and it’s all about setting your intentions for adventure, inspiration, and spirituality as you start the month.
On July 11, Venus enters your 10th house of career, and you are going to be receiving more recognition, love, and support on the job.
How you are coming across to others is being received more favorably during this time, and it’s your time to show up and show out. There is a Full Moon occurring at the end of the month on July 21, and this Full Moon will be giving you some significant divine guidance. Important messages are coming in as you end the month, and you are making your voice heard.
SAGITTARIUS
SagittariusKyra Jay for xoNecoleYou are moving through a personal awakening this month, Sagittarius. The month begins with a New Moon in your 8th house of transformation on July 5, and this New Moon is all about setting intentions for your path in life and your important commitments. Look at where you are and where you want to be, and if you are receiving the same type of energy you want to be given. You are finding your balance as you enter the month overall, and you are going to be moving through a lot of changes this month as you find your way and gain some clarity.
Venus moves into a fellow Fire Sign, Leo from July 11 until August 4, and love is a source of happiness and adventure for you during this time. You are going to be feeling the love when you step out of your comfort zone more, approach things with confidence, and keep an open mind. On July 26, Chiron goes Retrograde in Aries, and this is going to change the pace for you romantically. While Chiron is retrograde in your 5th house, you are going to be defining and redefining your happiness in life.
CAPRICORN
CapricornKyra Jay for xoNecoleThis month is all about moving on and moving forward Capricorn. You are moving through a time of clarity, love, and also personal healing, as you recognize what is no longer serving you or your heart anymore. The New Moon happening on July 5, will be a good time for you to set your intentions for the heart, and for the relationships that feel right for you and that you want to continue to develop over the next month.
The Full Moon of the month will be happening in your sign on July 21, and all eyes are on you right now. This Full Moon is bringing all things to do with your personal goals, health, and self-image, to the forefront. Let go of perceiving yourself with anything less than love, confidence, and support during this time. Before the month ends, Chiron goes retrograde in your 4th house of home, foundations, and inner world, and you are going to be moving through a time of deep healing and emotional renewal for the rest of the year.
AQUARIUS
AquariusKyra Jay for xoNecoleJuly is a big month of growth for you, Aquarius. You are feeling courageous and energized when it comes to your goals, daily life, and the progress you are making right now. The Sun is in your 6th house of work and health for most of the month, and you are really working hard in July and taking care of some important responsibilities and duties. Venus moves into your opposite sign on July 11th, and you are receiving more support mid-month, and are feeling the love in your life.
There is a Full Moon happening on July 21, and this Full Moon is a time of closure and endings for you. You are letting go of what once was, and creating space for the new to enter your life. You have been through a journey of self-growth this month and you are bringing this energy into your inner world and inner harmony as well. On July 22, the Sun moves into Leo and enters a romantic and loving area of your birth chart. You are ending the month in high spirits and with love on your side.
PISCES
PiscesKyra Jay for xoNecoleJuly is an eye-opening month for you, Pisces. You are moving through a lot of transformations this month and are focused on creating more clarity in your life. Neptune goes retrograde in your sign from July 2 until the end of the year, and you are entering a time of taking the rose-colored glasses off and seeing the truth of what’s been hidden. On July 5, there is a New Moon in your 5th house of romance, and it’s time to set your intentions for love, but also for what will make you personally happy in life and make you feel like you are living in your authentic truth.
On July 21, the Full Moon in Capricorn brings clarity regarding your hopes and dreams in life and your community. You are recognizing more of a need to be around like-minded souls and people who have similar goals as you, and you are going to be seeing new ways how to get there. Overall, there are a lot of growth moments happening for you in July, and you are learning through the inner awakening that is taking place for you now.
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Featured image by Kyra Jay for xoNecole
Tayler Barakat is a Mystic who has studied Astrology for over a decade. She does intuitive astrology and tarot readings for people all over the world, and her work focuses on healing and empowering individuals. Follow her on Instagram @taylerbarakat_ and check out her website www.listentothevirgo.com.
There’s just something about HBCU Homecoming that just hits different. Whether it’s your first time stepping onto the yard since graduation or you’re a regular at every Homecoming tailgate, HBCU pride is undeniable. It’s a vibrant celebration that unites the legacy of excellence and tradition with the energy and resilience of Black culture.
The experience goes beyond a typical college reunion; HBCU Homecoming is a family reunion, a fashion show, a cultural festival, and a week-long turn-up that embodies what it means to be unapologetically Black and educated. For HBCU alumni, the journey back to the yard each year is rooted in a love and pride that’s hard to put into words but impossible to deny.
From statement pieces to tech must-haves, every item represents the intersection of Black pride and HBCU love, ensuring that you show up to the yard in style and with intention. So whether you’re repping your alma mater for the first time since graduation or looking for fresh pieces to express your HBCU pride, these essentials will have you standing out, because, at HBCU Homecoming, it’s not just about showing up—it’s about showing out.
Thread Goals
diarrablu Jant Pants in Alia Noir
High-waisted, wide-legged, and ready to shut down the yard, the Jant Pants by diarrablu bring a whole new meaning to campus chic. Handcrafted in Dakar, Senegal, these free-flowing jacquard pants are perfect for stepping onto the yard with style and ease—making them a must-have for any HBCU alum’s closet.
Silver & Riley Convertible Executive Leather Bag Classic Size in Olive
This all-in-one luxury bag isn’t a bestseller for nothing. The Silver & Riley essential is made of Italian calfskin leather and thoughtfully designed, as it can be worn in four different ways: a shoulder bag, crossbody, a top handle, and a backpack. Chic and elegant, the Convertible Executive Leather bag is “the bag that every woman needs in her collection.”
Renowned Women's Intuition Cotton Graphic T-Shirt
Renowned
Renowned’s Women’s Intuition Cotton Graphic T-shirt features a bold graphic print inspired by the power and essence of women’s intuition. With its striking design, this all-cotton tee is a vibrant thing, making it a statement piece that celebrates feminine energy.
Mifland Million M Mesh Crop Shirt
Talk about bold, the Million M Mesh Crop Shirt combines edgy style with comfort, featuring Mifland’s signature print on a semi-see-through mesh fabric. Show up and show out in sophisticated flair.
HBCU Love FUBU
Melanin Is Life Melanated & Educated - I Love My HBCU Hoodie
Show off your HBCU love with this piece that represents everything you gained from your alma mater: a top-tier education, a community that lifts you up, and a deep sense of esteem for yourself and your culture. Wear it loud and proud, because being melanated and educated isn’t just a flex—it’s a legacy.
HBCU Culture Spelmanite Sweatshirt in Navy
Spelmanites, rep your Spelman pride with this unisex crewneck sweatshirt, designed for ultimate comfort and a relaxed fit. Made from a cozy cotton/polyester blend, this classic sweatshirt is as durable as it is stylish—making it an ideal piece for any Spelmanite showing love for their alma mater.
HBCU Culture Howard Is The Culture T-Shirt
Rock the ultimate flex by showcasing your Howard U love with HBCU Culture’s Howard Is The Culture t-shirt. This unisex tee offers a comfortable, relaxed fit that’s perfect for celebrating your HBCU spirit without sacrificing style or comfort.
DungeonForward FAMU - Strike Bucket - Reversible
DungeonForward’s Strike Bucket Hat brings versatility and style to the FAMU Crown collection with its reversible design, giving you two looks in one. Featuring a sleek black snakeskin-embossed brim lining and a bold outline Rattler emblem, this hat is all about repping your Rattler pride in style.
DungeonForward Savannah State University - HBCU Hat - TheYard
The Savannah State University HBCU Hat by DungeonForward is more than just a hat—it’s a symbol of Tiger pride and a nod to the culture. Perfect for gamedays, tailgates, or just showing off your HBCU love, this hat lets you carry a piece of the yard wherever you go.
Tech the Halls
Anker iPhone 16 Portable Charger, Nano Power Bank
Stay charged up with the Anker Nano Power Bank, which features dual USB-C ports, a foldable connector, and a compact design, making it perfect for those HBCU tailgates and late-night parties you pull up to.
Drip Check
Wisdom Frame 14 Square Sunglasses
Elevate your look with these angular square-frame sunglasses by Wisdom, bringing an ultramodern edge to any outfit. The sleek design makes them perfect for blocking out the haters while you stunt on the yard.
Coco and Breezy Eyewear Fortune in Gray Turquoise
The Fortune Glasses in Grey Turquoise is a bold statement piece to any Homecoming weekend ‘fit that “embody our fearless and outspoken DNA.” With their color and edgy design, these frames by Coco and Breezy are perfect for anyone looking to stand out and express their unapologetic confidence.
Howard U Lapel Pin
Rep your Bison pride wherever you go with this Howard U Lapel Pin from Pretty AmbVision. Whether adding it to your jacket, shirt, or bag, this pin is the perfect way to showcase your love for your alma mater while rocking your HBCU love with honor and distinction.
Mifland Standard Rucksack Mini
The Standard Rucksack is designed to evolve like that HBCU pride—getting richer, bolder, and better with time. Durable, stylish, and built to last, this Rucksack by Mifland is a timeless piece equipped with versatile carrying options and fully adjustable back straps for ultimate comfort.
Stay Fresh, Stay Blessed
Slip Pure Silk Sleep Mask in Pink
Keeping it cute starts with beauty sleep. This luxurious silk mask is an essential for a reason. If protecting your skin and waking up refreshed is your priority, look no further than this Homecoming essential.
Liquid I.V.® Hydration Multiplier Lemon Lime - Hydration Powder Packets
Stay hydrated and energized throughout Homecoming weekend with this Liquid I.V.® Hydration Multiplier in Lemon Lime. Just add a packet to your water bottle, and bless your body with 2-3 times more hydration than water with every packet. Because staying hydrated is the key to popping up and showing out all weekend long!
Loop Experience Plus Earplugs High Fidelity Hearing Protection
Designed for your hearing protection, these sleek earplugs reduce noise without compromising sound quality—perfect for enjoying the band’s halftime show, late-night parties, and DJ sets. Whether you’re front row at the step show or hitting the yard, your ears deserve to be protected in style!
Black Girl Magic Glass Cup
Sip in style and celebrate your melanin with the Black Girl Magic Glass Cup. Perfect for morning coffee, your favorite iced drink, or showing off your HBCU pride on the yard—this cup is all about keeping it cute while radiating your endless supply of Black Girl Magic.
Glow Up & Show Out
Black Girl Sunscreen SPF 30
What Homecoming weekend can be complete without an assist from this beauty find? Formulated to blend seamlessly into melanin-rich skin (no white-cast), protect your glow while you turn up with the Black Girl Sunscreen SPF 30.
Sienna Naturals Issa Rae's Wash Day Ritual Set
Issa Rae’s Wash Day Ritual Set from Sienna Naturals includes the H.A.PI. Shampoo, the Plant Power Repair Mask, Dew Magic, and Lock and Seal to get your crown right. Whether you’re repping your coils or rocking a new color on the yard, these products restore and nourish your strands, keeping your hair healthy, strong, and Homecoming-ready!
54 Thrones Ivorian Cocoa + Ghanaian Coconut Beauty Butter
Stay glowing from the tailgate to the after-party with the 54 Thrones Ivorian Cocoa + Ghanaian Coconut Beauty Butter. Infused with African-sourced ingredients, this rich, multi-purpose butter is the answer to keeping your skin soft and radiant through all the festivities all Homecoming long.
Saie Glossybounce Hydrating Lip Oil
Keep your lips looking luscious and nourished with the Saie Glossybounce Hydrating Lip Oil. Perfect for adding an extra pop to your pout before hitting the yard or freshening up between events, this lip oil is a beauty essential for staying camera-ready all weekend.
Join us in celebrating HBCU excellence! Check out our Best In Class hub for inspiring stories, empowering resources, and everything you need to embrace the HBCU experience.
Featured image by Visual Vic/Getty Images
So…apparently, there was once a Parade survey of 1,001 married Americans concerning sex.
Surprisingly (at least, to me), 88 percent of them said that their sex lives made them happy or they were at least “reasonably content” with it. The reason why that surprises me is because 1) I’m aware that somewhere around 15 percent of marriages are currently sexless; 2) only about half of people have sex on a weekly basis, and 3) if that many folks are indeed that satisfied in the bedroom, why do so many of us who work with long-term couples always hear otherwise?
Then, I paused and pondered on the “reasonably content” part. I don’t know about you, but to me, that doesn’t sound like hanging-off-of-the-chandeliers kind of sex. That’s more like, “I’ll take it however and whenever I can get it” sex — and, in my eyes, that’s just not good enough. To me, sex is a beautifully wondrous thing that should reach the peak of pleasure as much as possible.
Fortunately, I do know a few couples who profess to have great (awesome, fabulous, and tremendous) sex pretty much every time that they have it. Even though most of them aren’t familiar with each other, interestingly enough, they all agree that while skill and technique play a role in amazing coitus, there are other factors that can prevent great sex from transpiring, too.
I did some researching, interviewing, and reviewing of past sessions that I’ve had with couples, and here are the 10 things that continue to come up, as far as being barriers to the kind of sex that every single person deserves — sex that doesn’t just leave you feeling “reasonably content” (goodness, let’s raise that bar, please).
1. You’re Not the Best of Friends
GiphyBefore getting into this one, let me just say that I’m not referring to a “friends with benefits” dynamic. Although some of those do end up transitioning from being sex buddies to a full-blown relationship, some studies say that only about 15 percent of them do, and that’s not the greatest odds on the planet (for the record, around 28 percent are able to go back to being just friends as well).
No, what I’m referring to here is it’s wise to experience physical intimacy with someone who has the qualities of being one of your absolute closest friends: they’re honest, supportive, compassionate, loyal, communicate well, and they definitely are someone who you consider to be a safe space. When you’re in a relationship with someone who you also consider to be one of your dearest (if not dearest) friends, there is an incomparable level of trust and peace that makes intimacy that much easier — and special.
2. You Need to Get a Check-Up
GiphyIf you were to ask a group of people if they should get an annual check-up, they would probably say “yes.” Hmph, problem is, only about one-fifth of us actually do it, and when it comes to our libidos, that can be (potentially) problematic as hell. The reason why I say that is sometimes “not being in the mood” has very little to do with anything emotional, psychological, or relational; it’s actually a result of not taking the best care of your health.
Things like obesity, hormonal imbalances (including perimenopause and menopause), certain medications, stress, and good old-fashioned aging can be the underlying culprits, and if that is indeed the issue, as much as you might think that Google can cure everything, you actually need a medical professional to confirm what is going on — and what you need to do in order to rectify the situation.
3. You’re Not Affirming and Affectionate on a Daily Basis
GiphyQuestion: When was the last time that you gave your partner a sincere compliment? Believe it or not, there are studies that support the fact that complimenting others not only boosts their self-esteem and confidence levels but it also creates an atmosphere for clearer communication while motivating and causing the individual on the receiving end to feel valued. Not only that, but the person who gives the compliments ends up feeling happier and more grateful, too.
As far as affection goes, aside from the fact that it helps you to feel emotionally closer to your partner, there are health benefits to consider as well. Kissing, cuddling, and even holding hands can help to decrease stress levels, lower blood pressure, and even strengthen your immune system. The way I like to look at this is affirmations are a verbal form of foreplay, while affection is a PG version of it — and when it comes to experiencing great sex, foreplay should always be in the mix.
4. You Don’t Plan Dates (and Then Actually Go on Them)
GiphyI’ve got a girlfriend who’s been married for several decades and hardly ever gets taken out on dates by her husband. In his mind, it’s kind of a waste of money; he’d rather be a “great provider” than a romantic kind of dude. Problem is, her top love language is quality time, and so, not dating frustrates her more than most. You know what, though? Their story isn’t rare. In fact, some studies indicate that over half of the married couples in this country never go out on dates. SMDH.
There are dozens of reasons why this is not a good idea as far as “divorce-proofing” your marriage goes; however, since this article is about sex, specifically, quality time strengthens emotional intimacy, and emotional intimacy improves the quality of one’s sex life. So, if you’re in a long-term relationship, your sex life is ho-hum, and you can’t remember the last time you and your partner actually went out together — perhaps it’s time to connect those dots.
5. Your Relationship Is Not Your Top Priority
GiphyIf I had to choose one main issue that keeps me in business (as far as marriage life coaching is concerned), it’s that one or both spouses in a marriage “forget” (I put that in quotes because sometimes they literally forget and sometimes it’s more of a passive-aggressive choice) to make their partner their very top priority (under God, that is). When it comes to this particular topic, a priority is defined as being “the right to precede others in order, rank, privilege, etc.; precedence” and when you say “I do” to someone, that is a part of what you are publicly declaring — that they are going to take precedence over everyone else in your world.
And what are some indications that your partner is your top priority? You are proactive rather than reactive when it comes to their needs. You are quick to want to resolve problems while being slow to create them. You consistently want them to feel heard, validated, and safe. You make them aware that they are a part of both your short and long-term plans. Empathy is a foundational part of the relationship. And honey, when two people do this for each other outside of the bedroom, how can there not be fireworks inside of it? Straight up.
6. Your Kids Are Taking Over
GiphyI always find it interesting whenever people get triggered by my saying that children should never come before marriage. For one thing, the marriage existed first. Secondly, kids aren’t adults; they don’t have the mental or emotional capacity to find balance in their needs or demands; adults need to be the ones to regulate both. And third, have you read how divorce affects/impacts kids even well into their adulthood?
At the end of the day, children want happy parents and there’s a greater chance that will happen when husbands and wives put their relationship first. Unfortunately, even with all of the data that supports my points, a lot of people still let their kids take over their entire lives — including their bedroom and that can lead to, not only a “less than” sex life but a completely ruined one, if you’re not careful.
That’s why I think it’s important for parents to read articles like HuffPost’s “We Decided To Tell Our Kids When We’re Having Sex. Here’s Why — And What Happened After.” and also ones that I’ve penned for the platform like, “Married Couples, Here's How To Make (More) Time For Sex,” “How To Make Sex Easier (& More Fun) When You've Got Kids” and even “10 New Moms Share What They Wish They Knew About Sex Post-Delivery.” The takeaway here is kids are to be a part of your life — not all of it.
7. The Chemistry Is Off
GiphyChemistry is an interesting thing because, although it is pretty necessary when it comes to having a fulfilling sex life, science is still trying to figure out just how to narrow it down. According to a particular article that I read, a featured sex therapist said that sexual chemistry is a combination of attraction, hormones, and even a combination of pleasant memories and/or nostalgia. Another article said that the level of brain chemicals like dopamine and norepinephrine that naturally arise when we’re around certain people (vs. others) cannot be underestimated either.
To me, when it comes to (sexual) chemistry, I think my biggest takeaway is if there is something that you can’t really fake, that would be it, and so, while you shouldn’t rely on chemistry alone when it comes to cultivating a healthy and long-lasting relationship, if, after about three dates or so, there is no “spark,” don’t play that down. Sex is an essential part of a committed relationship, which means that chemistry, on some level, absolutely needs to be present and accounted for.
8. There Is Sexual Frustration
GiphyWhenever I hear someone say, “I’m not angry; I’m frustrated,” I always appreciate that level of self-awareness because being frustrated isn’t about being resentful so much as it’s about being disappointed — and sexual disappointment can happen in a billion different ways. Maybe the quality of sex has decreased. Perhaps you’re not having as much sex as you would like. Could it be that you want more spontaneity or romance, and your partner rarely, if ever, seems to rise to the occasion? Or shoot, maybe your sexual wants and needs have changed, and your partner doesn’t want to make the necessary adjustments.
A part of the reason why I’ve penned articles for the platform like “7 Questions You Should Ask Your Partner Before Giving Them Some” and “9 Sex-Related Questions You & Your Partner Should Ask Each Other. Tonight.” is because the only way that you can ensure that your partner is truly satisfied as far as sex goes is if you ask. When it comes to great sex, there is no room for ego, assumptions, or taking the “if it always worked, it still should” approach. People who move like that? One way or another, they are going to disappoint their bae as far as sexual satisfaction goes (whether their bae actually tells them that or just…fakes through it instead).
9. Or Sexual Repression
GiphyOn the heels of the last point, one of the reasons why sex is considered to be an ultimate form of communication is that when it’s good — and I mean, really, really good — all five senses (sight, hearing, taste, touch, and sound) are involved (check out “How To Incorporate All Five Senses To Have The Best Sex Ever”). Another reason is that when you can trust your partner to share your deepest sexual desires and perhaps even a sex-themed bucket list or entries from your sex journal, that can open the door to all types of sexual pleasure…and close the door to what’s known as sexual repression.
Probably the easiest way to define sexual repression is it’s what happens whenever you’re holding back feelings and longings as far as sex is concerned. There are several things that can cause this to transpire. It could be fear of rejection, suppressed childhood or religion-related issues, guilt or shame surrounding certain sex acts, or even physical pain during sex.
For instance, I know a wife who was raped in college and never told her husband. For years, they had sex-related issues because it’s almost as if she was stoic during the act, which led him to not find sex enjoyable at all because he felt like he was unwanted. I also know a wife who, because she is a first lady (you know, a pastor’s wife), has suppressed a lot of her sexual fantasies because she’s afraid that her husband will find them to be “inappropriate.”
In both of these instances, a sex therapist could do a lot of good (check out “Have You Ever Wondered If You Should See A Sex Therapist?”) because they are professionally trained to deal with all levels of sexual repression — something that is very real, even if it’s not openly discussed very often.
10. Orgasms Consume You
GiphyDo you need to experience orgasms in order to have good sex? No. You don’t. Can it be magnificent whenever you experience them, though? Of course. That said, when it comes to having great sex, although orgasms are literally defined as being the peak of sexual arousal, it is important to take the pressure off of both you and your partner. Contrary to whatever you’ve heard (or told yourself), sex can be pleasurable whether you reach a climax or not, together or not.
However, if you want to have more orgasms, don’t make them the goal so much as heightening your intimacy, taking your time, relishing in each other’s erogenous zones, doing some dirty talking, and being in the moment. When you’re “great” at these things, one way or another, great sex — and possibly a few orgasms along the way — is sure to follow. #wink
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Featured image by Giphy