

If you asked me that "who would you have dinner with, dead or alive" question, Oprah is definitely at the top of my list.
When she accepted her Cecile B DeMille Award at the Golden Globes, not only did I watch it at least three times, I marveled at the way she was able to express the thoughts and feelings of so many while spreading an impactful and important message all in 8 minutes or less. And when Twitter erupted with #Oprah2020, I was ready to sign up for her campaign squad.
To me, Oprah is that motherlike figure that the world needs, whether or not we deserve her. Some of us want to be like her, and even more of us want to learn from her. The media mogul dropped some gems in her an interview with InStyle Magazinethat will help us along this journey we call life, whether we are just getting started out in life or we're looking for more clarity, discernment, and ways to continue to flourish.
We all know how overwhelming the current news cycle can be. Here is what Oprah does to manage the real stress of keeping up with the news.
I don't get up and turn on the TV first thing in the morning. I spend quiet time. I try to center myself, and I'm conscious of what I allow in because there's so much all day long. I have the app that has all the news stories, so I scroll through the 5 Things You Need to Know Today and then choose which of those things I want to explore more. I try not to lean into the hysteria. I've heard a lot of Twitter chatter where people have said, "Where are you? You should be speaking up on these things!" But it makes no sense to speak when you cannot be heard. One hundred and forty characters—that is not how you want to make your mark in the world.
Many of us want to know how Oprah got to where she is in life. Obviously a lot of vision, hard work, and determination were a part of the equation, but she says that finding the lesson in each moment, good or bad, is one of the ways she approaches everything that shows up in her life.
She also finds ways to just be thankful for the little things and not just the material ones. It reminds us that when we have a dream, it takes time a patience to finally see it come to fruition.
I think back to the time in 1985 when I was away shooting The Color Purple and my dream was to have a beautiful home and be surrounded by things that matter to me. So I'm really thrilled that I've been able to create that life, the one I was dreaming of in 1985. I get a lot of comfort from that.
One of the major takeaways from this interview that we all can begin to apply in our daily lives is now my new favorite Oprah quote: "Take no sh*t."
She reveals that the older you get, the more truth and authenticity become what's important. We may not realize how much sh*t we actually take on a daily basis, and maybe if we all learn to take a little less and instead focus on what is truly authentic, we can get on a better trajectory towards our goals and dreams.
You take no sh*t. None. Not a bit. In your 40s you want to say you take no shit, but you still do. In your 60s, you take none. There's both a quickening and a calming—there's a sense that you don't have as much time on earth as you once did. For me, there's also a sense of calming about that. People coming with anything less than what is the truth or authentic? Don't even try.
What I loved most about these gems is that we can all take them in and apply them to our own lives.
Here's to taking less sh*t, focusing on the good and learning how to speak so you will actually be heard.
Read her full feature with InStyle here.
Featured image by Getty
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Michelle Schmitz is a writer and editor based in Washington, DC originally from Ft Lauderdale, FL. A self-described ambivert, you can find her figuring out ways to read more than her monthly limit of The New York Times, attending concerts, and being a badass, multi-tasking supermom. She also runs her own blog MichelleSasha.com. Keep up with her latest moves on IG: @michellesashawrites and Twitter: @michellesashas
Devale Ellis On Being A Provider, Marriage Growth & Redefining Fatherhood
In this candid episode of the xoMAN podcast, host Kiara Walker talked with Devale Ellis, actor, social media personality, and star of Zatima, about modern masculinity, learning to be a better husband, emotional presence in marriage, fatherhood for Black men, and leading by example.
“I Wasn’t Present Emotionally”: Devale Ellis on Marriage Growth
Devale Ellis On Learning He Was a ‘Bad Husband’
Ellis grew up believing that a man should prioritize providing for his family. “I know this may come off as misogynistic, but I feel like it’s my responsibility as a man to pay for everything,” he said, emphasizing the wise guidance passed down by his father. However, five years into his marriage to long-time partner Khadeen Ellis, he realized provision wasn’t just financial.
“I was a bad husband because I wasn’t present emotionally… I wasn’t concerned about what she needed outside of the resources.”
Once he shifted his mindset, his marriage improved. “In me trying to be of service to her, I learned that me being of service created a woman who is now willing to be of service to me.”
On Redefining Masculinity and Fatherhood
For Ellis, “being a man is about being consistent.” As a father of four, he sees parenthood as a chance to reshape the future.
“Children give you another chance at life. I have four different opportunities right now to do my life all over again.”
He also works to uplift young Black men, reinforcing their worth in a world that often undermines them. His values extend to his career—Ellis refuses to play roles that involve domestic violence or sexual assault.
On Marriage, Family Planning, and Writing His Story
After his wife’s postpartum preeclampsia, Ellis chose a vasectomy over her taking hormonal birth control, further proving his commitment to their partnership. He and Khadeen share their journey in We Over Me, and his next book, Raising Kings: How Fatherhood Saved Me From Myself, is on the way.
Through honesty and growth, Devale Ellis challenges traditional ideas of masculinity, making his story one that resonates deeply with millennial women.
For the xoMAN podcast, host Kiara Walker peels back the layers of masculinity with candid conversations that challenge stereotypes and celebrate vulnerability. Real men. Real stories. Real talk.
Want more real talk from xoMAN? Catch the full audio episodes every Tuesday on Spotify and Apple Podcasts, and don’t miss the full video drops every Wednesday on YouTube. Hit follow, subscribe, and stay tapped in.
Featured image by YouTube/xoNecole
Devale Ellis On Being A Provider, Marriage Growth & Redefining Fatherhood
In this candid episode of the xoMAN podcast, host Kiara Walker talked with Devale Ellis, actor, social media personality, and star of Zatima, about modern masculinity, learning to be a better husband, emotional presence in marriage, fatherhood for Black men, and leading by example.
“I Wasn’t Present Emotionally”: Devale Ellis on Marriage Growth
Devale Ellis On Learning He Was a ‘Bad Husband’
Ellis grew up believing that a man should prioritize providing for his family. “I know this may come off as misogynistic, but I feel like it’s my responsibility as a man to pay for everything,” he said, emphasizing the wise guidance passed down by his father. However, five years into his marriage to long-time partner Khadeen Ellis, he realized provision wasn’t just financial.
“I was a bad husband because I wasn’t present emotionally… I wasn’t concerned about what she needed outside of the resources.”
Once he shifted his mindset, his marriage improved. “In me trying to be of service to her, I learned that me being of service created a woman who is now willing to be of service to me.”
On Redefining Masculinity and Fatherhood
For Ellis, “being a man is about being consistent.” As a father of four, he sees parenthood as a chance to reshape the future.
“Children give you another chance at life. I have four different opportunities right now to do my life all over again.”
He also works to uplift young Black men, reinforcing their worth in a world that often undermines them. His values extend to his career—Ellis refuses to play roles that involve domestic violence or sexual assault.
On Marriage, Family Planning, and Writing His Story
After his wife’s postpartum preeclampsia, Ellis chose a vasectomy over her taking hormonal birth control, further proving his commitment to their partnership. He and Khadeen share their journey in We Over Me, and his next book, Raising Kings: How Fatherhood Saved Me From Myself, is on the way.
Through honesty and growth, Devale Ellis challenges traditional ideas of masculinity, making his story one that resonates deeply with millennial women.
For the xoMAN podcast, host Kiara Walker peels back the layers of masculinity with candid conversations that challenge stereotypes and celebrate vulnerability. Real men. Real stories. Real talk.
Want more real talk from xoMAN? Catch the full audio episodes every Tuesday on Spotify and Apple Podcasts, and don’t miss the full video drops every Wednesday on YouTube. Hit follow, subscribe, and stay tapped in.
Featured image by YouTube/xoNecole