

It Might Be Time To Find A Third Place
In this digital-focused, post-COVID era that we’re living in, isolation has become the normality.
According to recent studies, more than 50% of Americans are currently grappling with feelings of loneliness, calling our lack (and need) for social connection a “loneliness crisis.”
With so much of our lives revolving around our connection to our phones, work schedules, and the comfort of staying home, it’s resurfaced a need for spaces that act as neutral ground to form new human connections. A space best known as a “third place.”
What Is a Third Place?
"Third places" refer to social environments that are separate from our homes (first place) and workplaces (second place). The concept of third places was popularized by sociologist Ray Oldenburg in his 1989 book, The Great Good Place,and are defined as informal gathering spots where people can relax, socialize, and build community connections.
“These are often coffee shops, cafes, gyms, hair/nail salons, dog parks, co-working spaces, workout classes, or bookstores,” Melody Warnick, author of This Is Where You Belong: Finding Home Wherever You Are, tells xoNecole. “The thing that defines third places is that they have regulars; people who show up every single day, or once a week, are in community together, and are engaging in conversations.”
Imagining a third place may take you back to episodes of Moesha where the characters met at The Den, hearing your mother and aunties recall stories from their beauty shop appointments and even college days where times in between classes were spent at the student center.
Third places have always been around us, but the key to finding these spaces today is to go where Warnick says, “Everyone is agreeing to have this social experience.”
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How To Find a Third Place
When looking for a third place, Warnick shares that there are a few factors to consider in order to find a space that best suits you.
Neighborhood-Friendly: “It needs to be someplace that is already in your neighborhood or on your daily route,” Warnick says.
A Gathering Spot: Warnick says to look for “someplace where people are already gathering, where you see people hanging out, and are spending a good chunk of their time.”
Loud and Small: Finding a place that has a little bit of casual chatter is a good sign because “that means people are talking together, it's not a silent workspace where you're gonna get dirty looks if you say something.”
Welcoming Regulars: “You want to go to a place that is accepting of newcomers. You want a place where you can go as the new person, and over time, you can start to break into the crowd as a regular.”
Benefits of Having a Third Place
Gathering, socializing, and forming new and lasting bonds not only benefit us on an individual level but also contributes to the forward motion of our collective experience. And with the structures of our days being centered around work and going straight home, it’s made our lives seem small and insular.
However, Warnicks shares that third places expand our world by becoming more community-focused and connecting with “familiar strangers.”
“Finding a third place can introduce you to people whose paths you might not normally cross. Like people who are older than you, from different backgrounds or jobs. It creates this sort of neutral space for being together with other people,” she shares.
“A huge part of how we feel like we're members of a community is by being a part of something that’s bigger than us. When you feel like a place is your own, all of a sudden, you feel engaged, like this place matters to you, and that makes you feel responsible for it and makes you want to make your place better.”
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Breaking the Ice
While it does take time, consistency, and intention to find a third place that feels welcoming, Warnick shares that finding community in real life starts with the individuals you’ve grown acquainted with online.
“Finding people in your city who have a social media presence can give you an entry point for meeting new people and your community,” Warnick says. She also recommends going on tech-free walks and outings to truly open yourself up to having conversations and meeting new people.
“It’s kind of a leap of faith because we're used to using our devices as a security blanket. You know, [you] don't know anyone, and we're in an unfamiliar situation. But you have to tell yourself, ‘Hey, it’s going to be awkward, but I’m opening myself up to noticing the people around me and starting a conversation with someone that I wouldn't have met otherwise.'"
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Aley Arion is a writer and digital storyteller from the South, currently living in sunny Los Angeles. Her site, yagirlaley.com, serves as a digital diary to document personal essays, cultural commentary, and her insights into the Black Millennial experience. Follow her at @yagirlaley on all platforms!
Smile, Sis! These Five Improvements Can Upgrade Your Oral Hygiene Instantly
This article is in partnership with Sensodyne.
Our teeth are connected to so many things - our nutrition, our confidence, and our overall mood. We often take for granted how important healthy teeth are, until issues like tooth sensitivity or gum recession come to remind us. Like most things related to our bodies, prevention is the best medicine. Here are five things you can do immediately to improve your oral hygiene, prevent tooth sensitivity, and avoid dental issues down the road.
1) Go Easy On the Rough Brushing: Brushing your teeth is and always will be priority number one in the oral hygiene department. No surprises there! However, there is such a thing as applying too much pressure when brushing…and that can lead to problems over time. Use a toothbrush with soft bristles and brush in smooth, circular motions. It may seem counterintuitive, but a gentle approach to brushing is the most effective way to clean those pearly whites without wearing away enamel and exposing sensitive areas of the teeth.
2) Use A Desensitizing Toothpaste: As everyone knows, mouth pain can be highly uncomfortable; but tooth sensitivity is a whole different beast. Hot weather favorites like ice cream and popsicles have the ability to trigger tooth sensitivity, which might make you want to stay away from icy foods altogether. But as always, prevention is the best medicine here. Switching to a toothpaste like Sensodyne’s Sensitivity & Gum toothpaste specifically designed for sensitive teeth will help build a protective layer over sensitive areas of the tooth. Over time, those sharp sensations that occur with extremely cold foods will subside, and you’ll be back to treating yourself to your icy faves like this one!
3) Floss, Rinse, Brush. (And In That Order!): Have you ever heard the saying, “It’s not what you do, but how you do it”? Well, the same thing applies to taking care of your teeth. Even if you are flossing and brushing religiously, you could be missing out on some of the benefits simply because you aren’t doing so in the right order. Flossing is best to do before brushing because it removes food particles and plaque from places your toothbrush can’t reach. After a proper flossing sesh, it is important to rinse out your mouth with water after. Finally, you can whip out your toothbrush and get to brushing. Though many of us commonly rinse with water after brushing to remove excess toothpaste, it may not be the best thing for our teeth. That’s because fluoride, the active ingredient in toothpaste that protects your enamel, works best when it gets to sit on the teeth and continue working its magic. Rinsing with water after brushing doesn’t let the toothpaste go to work like it really can. Changing up your order may take some getting used to, but over time, you’ll see the difference.
4) Stay Hydrated: Upping your water supply is a no-fail way to level up your health overall, and your teeth are no exception to this rule. Drinking water not only helps maintain a healthy pH balance in your mouth, but it also washes away residue and acids that can cause enamel erosion. It also helps you steer clear of dry mouth, which is a gateway to bad breath. And who needs that?
5) Show Your Gums Some Love: When it comes to improving your smile, you may be laser-focused on getting your teeth whiter, straighter, and overall healthier. Rightfully so, as these are all attributes of a megawatt smile; but you certainly don’t want to leave gum health out of the equation. If you neglect your gums, you’ll start to notice the effects of plaque buildup, which can irritate the gums and cause gingivitis, the earliest stage of gum disease. Seeing blood while brushing and flossing is a tell-tale sign that your gums are suffering. You may also experience gum recession — a condition where the gum tissue surrounding your teeth pulls back, exposing more of your tooth. Brushing at least twice a day with a gum-protecting toothpaste like Sensodyne Sensitivity and Gum, coupled with regular dentist visits, will keep your gums shining as bright as those pearly whites.
Traveling in general brings out a sense of excitement for everyone, but for me, solo travel takes it to a new level. Every once in a while, it’s worth disconnecting from your everyday routines and spending time with yourself in a new place. Being able to wake up when I feel like it, eat what I want, and only do the things that I like is a level of enjoyment that I love. Solo travel doesn't always have to be about relaxing and self-care, either. Sometimes you just wanna meet new people and have some fun adventures in a city that you don't live in.
There are many benefits to taking that leap and experiencing your first solo trip, it’s just a matter of booking the trip and going. But how do you choose where to go and what to do if you’ve never traveled alone? Or what if safety and fear are holding you back? This is where research and considering your own interests come to mind.
Visiting another U.S. city for your first solo trip is a great way to ease into solo travel and find out if it’s really for you. Choosing a domestic location before jumping to an international country allows you to get your feet wet while staying close to home.
One way to choose is by selecting a destination that mimics the city you're from so that it feels more familiar and comfortable. Another thing you might consider is a city with easy-to-navigate public transportation so that you can get around without issue. Whatever it is that you need, there are plenty of places within the United States that make for fun and memorable solo trips.
To help you make a decision, I’ve highlighted six domestic cities that are perfect for your first solo trip.
Houston
Being the city that gave us Beyoncé should be enough reason for you to run to Houston. But if that’s not enough, Houston has a lot more to offer. This bustling Texas city is filled with rich culture, delicious food, and the kind of vibes that most places can’t replicate. I recommend Houston for the fun traveler who likes good music and a good time. If you want to tap into true tourist form, you can check out the NASA Space Museum, shop in The Galleria, and take a stroll in Emancipation Park.
But if you are looking to turn up and have a good time, go to brunch at the Breakfast Klub, explore downtown Houston, and then experience the lituation that is an H-town Day Party. I hope them Meg knees are ready!
Chicago
Chicago holds a special place in my heart because it was the city I chose for my first solo trip back in 2016, and it changed me. If you’re from a major city and are used to a busy and fast-paced environment, Chicago is the city to pop your solo travel cherry. Book a river tour and learn some city history, take a food tour, and then go have a drink with views of Millennium Park and the Bean from Cindy’s Rooftop.
If you stay anywhere near downtown, many places are walkable from each other or just a short drive away. If you’re around for Sunday Funday, check out brunch at The Whit for the culture. And yes, trying deep-dish pizza from an authentic Chicago pizza shop is a must.
Tampa, FL
If you’re looking for fun in the sun but want to stay stateside, Tampa has it. This is the perfect solo destination for someone who likes warm weather and beaches. If safety is a major concern for you, rest easy knowing that Tampa has been called one of the safest cities in the U.S. Tampa also has a more relaxed and slower pace than some bigger cities, which may alleviate some of your nerves.
Spend your morning soaking in the sun and relaxing at the beach, and follow up with lunch somewhere along the Riverwalk. Take a small tripod, and don’t be afraid to get some cute pictures along the water.
New York City
New York is the perfect first solo destination for anyone because there’s great food, an art scene, theater, culture, and a plethora of different things to do based on your interests. I often hear people say that they don't want to travel solo because it’ll feel weird, or they don’t want people to know that they are alone. Well, the great thing about NYC is that at any given point in the year, there will be thousands of other tourists walking the streets, and you won’t stick out like a sore thumb.
New York gives you options for just about everything you might want to check off your list. Go visit the MoMa, take a cruise around the Statue of Liberty, walk the Brooklyn Bridge, or just chill out in Central Park. The options are unlimited.
Phoenix
Phoenix is such an underrated city, in my opinion, and should definitely be on your radar for a solo trip. Phoenix is called the Valley of the Sun for good reason because you can expect warm temperatures year round. So, this may be an ideal first solo trip for someone trying to escape the winter cold. Visit the desert botanical garden, take a hot air balloon ride, or treat yourself to a relaxing few days at one of the luxury resort and spa locations just outside of the city.
For the adventure and nature lovers, a day trip to Sedona will provide you with outdoor activities and beautiful scenery. And if you need a more fast-paced adventure, take a short drive over to Scottsdale for good eats and a fun party scene.
Nashville
Music City has art, food, culture, and, you guessed it, a great music scene. Nashville usually doesn’t get a lot of shine when it comes to vacation destinations, but it should. It’s here you can visit the National Museum of African American History, which celebrates the music genres that were created and influenced by African Americans. You can’t visit Music City without seeing the live music firsthand, so throw on some dancing boots and hit the Broadway strip, which is filled with “Honky Tonk” bars that you can go in for singing, dancing, and good music.
If you’re up for a short trip outside of the city, visiting the Nearest Green Distillery is a must to learn all about the Black man who taught Jack Daniels how to make whiskey. And if art is your thing, grab a scooter and ride around the city, checking out the many art murals that are spread out all over Nashville.
Which of these cities would you travel to?
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