One day, I randomly — or maybe not so “randomly” — stumbled upon some information about our bodies and how they age. If you want to check the article out for yourself, you can read ithere.
The gist was addressing the fact that while some people think that our bodies “turnover” every seven years or so (as far as cell renewal goes), the reality is that parts like our skin and gut renew themselves (again, cell-wise) every few months while our heart and skeletal system typically take more than seven years to “flip.”
That got me thinking about the number seven, in general — which sent me down a bit of an online research rabbit hole. For instance, another article that I read came via Harper's BAZAAR’s website: “Have you checked in with your seven-year cycle?”
It was published a couple of years ago and touched on the fact that since “7” is a number that is reflected in things like nature, religion, and even art, why shouldn’t we look at holistic aging as a cycle of sevens, too?
I mean, since sevenbiblically represents completion, theangel number 7 means things like introspection and hidden truths, and even certain things about nature revolve around seven (likethe rainbow has seven colors — Genesis 9:12-13) — imagine if we did actually look at our lives (along with the things that happen in it) in cycles of seven?
And that got me looking for some intel on relationships (as far as the number goes). When it comes to marriage, most of you have probably heard of the seven-year itch before; it’s the belief that around the seven-year mark, one or both spouses will find themselves becoming either restless or dissatisfied to the point where they may consider splitting up during that time, more than any other, in their marriage. Okay, but what about friendships? Does seven mean anything in those types of dynamics?
Good question and actually, I did find something rather fascinating when it comes to that specifically. Check it out, and then hop in the comments to let me know what you think. Apparently, seven years may hold more weight with your homies (or former homies) than you might think.
What “7” Does to Friendships (According to Science)
GiphyBack when I was in my 20s and the early part of my 30s, I’ve got to admit that I encountered some semi-devastating shifts in some of my friendships. And listen, if you think that I’m exaggerating on the devastating tip, you should read articles like TIME’s “Why Ending a Friendship Can Be Worse Than a Breakup,” HuffPost UK’s “Why Friendship Breakups Can Be More Devastating Than Romantic Ones," or xoNecole's "My Female Friendships Were The Most Heartbreaking & Loving Relationships Of My Twenties."
Depending on how long you’ve been friends with someone, what causes the friendship to end, and/or how the friendship ended, the experience can damn near take your breath away.
I think a part of the reason is that most of us don’t see our friendships having an expiration date; in our minds, if we decide to let our guard down and call you “friend,” we expect you to be around for the long haul. However, when that doesn’t happen, sometimes we simply aren’t prepared for that, and so it ends up feeling like a punch to the gut (check out “How To Heal From A Broken Friendship” and “What It Takes To Heal A Broken Friendship.”)
As far as what was going on with me and my friendships personally, I think my (biggest) issue was I had a pattern of picking people who reflected some of the dynamics that I had with certain relatives. Therefore, so-called friends would suck attaking personal accountability and oftentimes would get ghost (check out “I Was 'Ghosted' By My Best Friend”). I also had friends who appeared self-confident (because most of them were physically beautiful) and yet either had really low self-esteem or low-key jealousy issues (check out “5 Signs Your Closest Friends Are The Most Envious Of You” and “Your Friends Are Thriving. You? Not So Much. How To Deal.”).
Not to mention that many of them liked to play the victim a lot (check out “It's Time To Get Out Of The 'Drama Triangles' In Your Relationships” and “Are You Being Manipulated? Are You Manipulative? Here's The Breakdown.”). Yet again, I get why I gravitated towards a lot of that because I was used to that type of energy being in my space; it was familiar to me even though it wasn’t right.
Once I recognized all of this for what it was, I switched up how I moved in friendships, and honestly, I haven’t had any friendship drama in quite some time (praise the Lord!). Come to think of it, the last time (and that was because I “took a hit” to protect a friend), ironically, was probably about seven or so years ago.
SEVEN. YEARS. AGO. Hmm. Is that a coincidence? Not according to science. For instance,one study that was conducted between individuals aged 18-65 shared that while 30 percent of individuals still had the same friends, 48 percent did not. Over what span of time? Seven years.
For the record,these findings pretty much stated that the seven-year change was mostly due to convenience and opportunity more than anything else.
In other words, if people change jobs, move, or even enter into a relational status where they are around a different group of folks (like goingfrom being single to being married), and that happens to be within a seven-year cycle, then their intimate interactions with people may shift based on that. Makes sense.
However, if seven symbolizes completion, hidden truths, and introspection, and if, like aging, we chose to look at friendships from a seven-cycle standpoint, could our relational transitions be about a helluva lot more than that too? I think so.
It’s Okay If Your Friendships Shift As You Do. It Really Is.
GiphyIt’s another message for another time, just how problematic it is in our culture that we’re less bothered by ending a marriage than a friendship. Vows are taken in marriage, sacred promises are made before God, one another, and loved ones — that isn’t usually the case with friends.
And honestly, from that point alone, we really need to give ourselves more grace when it comes to transitions that are made in friendships. For one thing, sometimes we become friends with people who we never should’ve in the first place — however, our trauma (or drama) or lack of understanding of self and what we actually need may have caused us to choose unwisely.
Beyond that, though, if personal evolution can cause us to change careers, life desires, or even our personal style, why can’t it also result in us having different wants in our relationships with other individuals? And if the ones who we are currently friends with cannot or aren’t willing to give us what we need, based on who we are now, why is it a bad thing to move from friendship into something else?
Because, as I say often to some of my clients, “There is a lot of space between ‘friend’ and ‘enemy’” — meaning that just because someone may no longer be a friend (especially a close friend), that doesn’t mean that y’all can’t ever enjoy a drink after work or that you have to roll your eyes at each other in the mall. You can be at peace with someone who you no longer consider to be a friend, mutually so. Trust me, I would know.
Because really, what are friends designed to do in the first place? Have you ever really thought about that before?
- A friend should encourage, support, and celebrate you.
- A friend should hold you accountable.
- A friend should be a safe space for your feelings and secrets.
- A friend should be trustworthy and reliable.
- A friend should help you to grow and evolve.
- A friend should be honest with you and help you to be honest with yourself.
- A friend should respect your thoughts, values, and boundaries — and, in many ways, complement them.
- A friend should give as much as they take (one way or another).
- A friend should not tell you what you want to hear but what you need to know.
- A friend should help to make you a better person, just by knowing them.
And to tell you the truth, based on where you are in life and the certain types of hidden truths and times of introspection that are revealed to you over time, friends may change; friends may need to change. Know what else? Based on how aggressive you are about your self-evolution, your friendships may shift more often than other people’s tend to do.
Yeah, I can speak to that as well because, as my mother used to tell me, “You are very violent about your peace and your growth.” Violent would be correct. And so, the more that I want to grow, heal, and move out of certain things, sometimes that has come at the risk or cost of certain folks no longer being in the “inner temple” of my life because they are simply focused on being somewhere else — and you know what?
I’m not being a friend to myself if I slow my own progress down just so I can continue to walk at the same pace as others. Sometimes, you’ve gotta say, “Thanks for bringing me to this point and place in my life,” and then keep moving forward…even if that means leaving them behind or that the two of you have simply hit a fork in the road and you’re going in two different directions.
Now what would be super fascinating is if coming to this point and place in your life happens on a seven-year cycle. Hey, but now that this has been (formally) introduced into your space, it’s definitely worth pondering, right? Is it that you don’t have friendships that last? Or is it more that you tend to become a different version of yourself around every seven years, and your social circles tend to reflect that? Hmm.
Just imagine if our goal in our friendships was to do our part to help individuals “complete” something in their lives as they did the same thing for us. And if that completion means that we don’t need them in the same way (and they don’t need us in the same way either), we’re not angry, embarrassed, or overthinking it — we simply accept that for what it is: the lesson was learned, the evolution transpired, the revelation was had…friend, I thank you.
Some friendships?They were always toxic.
Some friendships? Woundedness happened, andsome healing needs to take place.
Others? It could just be that they completed their purpose. We should honor that with love and light and simply move on. Whether that’s every few years, every seven, or decades up the pike — so be it. As long as both people got what they ultimately needed — it’s all good. Literally.
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Now, I’ll be honest: as an avid TV-lover, I was well-prepared to hop on Zoom and jump into all the chatter around Bel-Air and her characters’ decisions. But after listening to her new EP Identity Crisis, I knew there was a lot more to talk about as well. During this exclusive conversation with xoNecole, Jazlyn Martin delved into the challenging journey she’s faced surrounding her identity, newfound fame, and family influence, and how it all plays a part in her art. Check it out!
xoNecole: So I know that your father is in the entertainment world, but when did you realize you shared the same passion?
Jazlyn Martin: I think it was very early on. I was a child who was full of attitude and fearlessness that would go after anything I wanted. I believe seeing my dad pursue music made me realize it was possible. I just had this hunger and fire, and my parents consciously fed and nurtured that - they are always all super supportive of whatever I do. So very, very early on, I was like, I'm meant to do this. And I just was like, I'm a star, and I know I'm a star.
xoN: Actually, let's talk about your family. What are some of your most important values, and how have your family and heritage played a part in shaping those values?
Jazlyn: I mean, my mom is like an angel; she's so graceful and kind, and I've had to work hard to get there. When I was young, I was very abrasive, headstrong, and stubborn. Whereas my mom gives an immense amount of grace in the way she carries herself. I had to learn that.
I think being strong is something I’ve always had. My parents always joke that they don't know where my personality came from. Because my dad is shy and timid and my mom is kind, and I'm a fireball. But my Dad always asked the important industry questions like, “Why do you want to do this?” And that instilled some purpose into me. It really carried me to keep going because it's so easy to be discouraged in this field, but that drive has helped me push through all of the challenges.
xoN: I bet. I have such a respect for actors and the way you all navigate the industry. Speaking of, let’s dig into “Bel-Air.” Were you a fan of the show? Did you have to go back and watch the episodes?
Jazlyn: So I actually did watch the show which is crazy because sometimes I don’t. I saw it was a reboot and was like, ‘Oh no, not another one.’ But I watched the first three episodes, realized how good it was, and ended up watching the whole season. I became a fan, and then a few months later, I booked the role!
I think the imagination is such a beautiful and powerful tool, and I feel like if you create something in your mind, it happens. It's a crazy thing, but I really just created Jackie's world - the house she grew up in, her parents leaving her, and everything. I created why she fell in love with dance. I really came at it from a human approach. If I see it, then the audience can see it.
xoN: Yeah, background plays into so much of how we deal with things, how we interact with people, and everything. And I feel like Jackie gets a lot of backlash. Like, we’ve all had a “Jackie Moment” to be real.
Jazlyn: She gets so much backlash! I just encourage people to give her grace and see the God in her because I do think she tells a lot of Black and brown girls' stories. People project on her, saying she’s too ratchet or hood, and I’m like does that mean she’s not loveable?
We have to be careful of what’s said and put out because Jackie has gone through things that I've never had to go through. The fact that she's alive and still highly functioning is a blessing. So what if she gets a little messy? I love her. Because she’s helped me extend empathy to people I don't necessarily want to or don't think deserve to have it. But she's 17, she's figuring it out, and she doesn't have parents. Like, that's such a huge factor.
"We have to be careful of what’s said and put out because Jackie has gone through things that I've never had to go through. The fact that she's alive and still highly functioning is a blessing. So what if she gets a little messy? I love her."
xoN: You mentioned how your character is viewed, which digs a bit into identity. So I want to talk a little bit about some of the emotional songs on your EP “Identity Crisis.” What inspired the track “Perfect?”
Jazlyn: When I was creating “Perfect,” I already had the EP title. So I kind of mapped out, like, the different conflicts I had in my head and categorized them into seven songs, and so one of my identity crises was being perfect. Because I feel like a lot of men tend to put women on pedestals. They're expected to be perfect - especially when you’re in the limelight. You know, you can't slip up. You can't say the wrong thing. Cancel culture is such a huge thing. And I just wanted to encourage people to give people grace to be themselves because that's not an easy thing to do.
I just wanted to take down this facade that I’m perfect because I never pretended to be. I never wanted to be. I think that's something people have placed on me, that I have it all figured out, I think I just carry it well, but that doesn't mean it's not heavy. I just wanted to be very vulnerable and honest. I think people think “perfect” is a compliment, but I think it's a cage because it doesn't allow room for error. It doesn't allow for you to be human and mess up and fail and take risks. So I just wanted to encourage grace.
xoN: Do you ever feel like you went through an identity crisis?
Jazlyn: I go through one constantly. Growing up, I didn't really have one. But I think as you get older and more aware and cognitive, you know how the world goes, and the world starts telling you who you are, instead of you deciding who you are. And I feel like being mixed played a big role in that, not feeling Black or Mexican enough. I wanted to belong to both worlds but didn’t so I was just “other.” That was an identity crisis in itself.
Also, being introduced to a level of fame has been interesting, too. I think we all go through identity crises all the time because we’re evolving and changing. It’s beautiful, but it’s also scary; you see yourself this one way, and then something happens, and there’s a shift. So yeah, I think it’s something we all go through but no one talks about.
"I think as you get older and more aware and cognitive, you know how the world goes, and the world starts telling you who you are, instead of you deciding who you are. And I feel like being mixed played a big role in that, not feeling Black or Mexican enough. I wanted to belong to both worlds but didn’t so I was just 'other.'"
xoN: I love that. And I know Hispanic Heritage Month is coming up, and you'll be speaking at the New York Latino Film Festival. Talk to me about what that moment means to you and what you hope to bring to the event. *Editor’s note: The interview was conducted before Hispanic Heritage Month began.
Jazlyn: I’m bringing some Afro-Latino-ness! I always grew up seeing Latinos being represented in a very specific way—very Spanish, not very Indigenous looking. So I'm really excited to bring the Black experience, with the Latino experience, to the stage because that's something a lot of people don't know exists.
People are always like, “Are you Black or Latina?” Well, I'm both! We were just dropped off in different parts. I’m excited to speak on that and highlight how prevalent anti-Blackness is within Latino communities. A lot of Afro-Latinos have faced an identity crisis because of it, including myself. It sometimes feels like you’re supposed to hate the other half of who you are.
For me, I held onto that little Black girl inside. I refused to let her go. And that’s what I want to represent when I speak—resilience and acceptance of our full selves. I’m also looking forward to meeting fellow Latino people, especially Afro-Latinos, and sharing our stories. It’s not a narrative that gets much attention, and I’m excited to represent.
xoN: I’m excited for you! Finally, with all the praise and recognition you’re receiving now, what has it been like to transition from working in music, dance, and acting to now being in the spotlight? How have you embraced this new level of fame?
Jazlyn: Um, it's overwhelming. I think that's the best word. Sometimes, I'm joyful, because I'm giving back to the community. People resonate with Jackie's stories and see themselves in her, which I think is the biggest compliment to me. But then sometimes, you know, I feel sad because I'm like, ‘Damn, I'm not doing enough,’ like I should be doing more. It's crazy, the industry is so fast-paced that you don't really try to celebrate wins. It's just a transition, an identity crisis of the like.
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Her influence extends far beyond the realm of clothing, encompassing everything from her rigorous Pilates routine to her meticulously curated skincare regimen.
Let’s keep it 1000— her words carry weight, and her recommendations are highly sought after. The fashion industry hangs on her every word, eager to know what trends she will embrace next. Her Instagram account, with its millions of followers, serves as a virtual runway, showcasing the latest must-have items and coveted accessories.
Recently, she sat down with StyleCaster to share what’s in her Hermès bag and there were a couple of items that grabbed our attention so let’s run them back.
YSL Sunglasses
Every girl needs a pair of sunnies at the ready. You never know who you need to avoid or when you wanna have a legit no-makeup day. Lori believes, “They just are the vibe.”
Chanel Hand Cream
“One thing you’ll never find me is ashy,” the star boasts. Of course, her hand cream of choice is Chanel which deeply hydrates, protects, and delicately scents your hands. Quickly absorbed, it leaves skin soft, supple, and long-lasting comfort. Best of all, your nails and cuticles are enhanced for a flawless manicure.
Rhode Peptide Lip Treatment
Apparently the Rhode hype is real. Lori shared that she likes to indulge in this nourishing delight that transforms her lips on the go so much so that she has one in every bag. According to the girlies, this ethereal formula glides on effortlessly, leaving your lips with a glossy sheen. It works diligently to deeply nourish and quench the thirst of dry lips, ensuring they remain hydrated and supple.
Baby Hair Brush
“The baby hair queen” herself has over 100 baby hair brushes because you gotta keep those edges slayed and laid. This Red by Kiss Ultimate Edge Fixer Professional Boar Hair Brush is a 3-in-1 baddie that features natural and gentle boar bristles that provide a massaging sensation on the scalp, improving blood flow and making it perfect for sculpting short, unruly baby hairs and taming flyaways. It also offers two types of ends for versatile use, including edge control gel application.
SKN by LH White Tea Toner
This toner serves as a good refresher for the model on the go. “It’s very fresh and keeps the skin hydrated. Any time I need a pick me up for my skin, I am whipping her out.”
During the sit-down, the multi-hyphenate also emphasized her strong work ethic and involvement in all aspects of her skincare brand, SKN by LH, from creative product development to Instagram curation. Lori debunks misconceptions about her not working, proudly stating that she earns everything she has and is deeply invested in her brand's success.
Honorable Mentions: Birth Control & Fan
We just had to add Lori's birth control must-have moment from the vid to the list, “Because you know… no babies,” as Lori said.
Additionally, whether folks know it or not, having a fan handy is key to maintaining a sweat-free beat and not appearing too glowy. No matter the season, keep a handheld fan, motorized or old-school, in your bag to quite literally keep cool. It’s the Lori Harvey-approved way to keep it cute.
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