Keep Your Vagina Like A (Literal) Fountain Of Youth
Recently, while having a conversation with a 50-something-year-old friend of mine, she brought up something that somewhat inspired me to write this piece. As we were discussing subtle (and not-so-subtle) changes that we were noticing about our bodies, because she knows that I am pretty much a research addict, she asked me (almost in a blaming tone of voice), "So, how come you didn't tell me that as we get older, we lose our body hair? I haven't needed to shave my legs in a couple of months now and…" Right when "and" came out, she pointed down to her vaginal area and opened her mouth into a wide "o" position.
Yes, ladies, it is indeed true. As we go through menopause, keeping our bikini line clean becomes less and less of an issue or necessity. In fact, as we age and experience different things in life, our vaginas can go through all sorts of changes. Birth control and menopause tend to produce less lubrication. Pregnancy can cause vericose veins on our vulva. Rises and dips and weight (along with the loss of collagen over time) can result in the vulva (the outer part of our vagina) sagging. Constant shaving can alter the pigment and texture of our vulva too.
Believe you me, I'm not sharing all of this with you to totally stress you out. I'm sharing it because, all of these facts of life, are a blaring reminder that our vagina (and vulva) deserve just as much TLC as the rest of our body does. I also brought up this info because, as much as we may not want to think about it, vaginas age like the rest of us does. That's the "bad" news. The good news is there are all sorts of things that you can do, starting today, that will make your vagina both look and feel like a fountain of youth. Yes, literally.
1. Stay Hydrated
They say that 75 percent of Americans are not only dehydrated but chronically dehydrated. Considering that we're made up of about 60-65 percent water, it's easy to see why dehydration causes all sorts of health issues. Not only does not having enough water make you thirsty, it can cause toxins to build up in your system, affect your mood, mess with your attention span and can even cause your brain to become depleted of the fluid that it needs. Another problem with dehydration is it can cause your blood to become more concentrated which can do a real number on your kidneys.
As far as your vagina is concerned, the more water you have, the healthier your discharge will be, the more lubrication your body will be able to produce and, the more moisturized and yes, youthful-looking your vulva will appear.
So, what are you waiting for? Drink up!
2. Swap Out Your Office Chair for a Fitness Ball
Something that could be making your vagina "lazy" is that office chair of yours. Before getting into why I say that, although not all scientists agree with the saying "sitting is the new smoking", what they and medical professionals can get on one page about is constant sitting without taking breaks isn't good for your health. For this reason alone, it's a good idea to get up every 30 minutes or so to stand at your desk or walk around the office for a couple of minutes, just to get your legs moving and your heart rate up a bit.
Another smart thing to do is ask your boss if they are cool with you bringing a fitness ball to sit on. Even if you don't sit on it all day long, a good 30 minutes or so will help to strengthen your core, improve your posture and also give your vagina a bit of a workout, without you even noticing.
3. Cycle Differently
It might sound weird, but if you like to ride your bicycle a lot or you take a regular spin class, while it's doing wonders for your heart, it is actually working against your vagina; at least it is if your bike's seat doesn't have enough cushion on it.
A hard seat not only causes extra friction and can cut off your blood's circulation down there, it can stretch your labia majora and labia minora (your vulva's inner and outer lips) over time too.
So yeah, it's important to look for a seat that has as much cushion as possible, and to position your handlebars up higher than your bike's seat. That will result in less pressure being placed on your body's lower region.
4. Try Some Salvia Sclarea and Ghee Butter
What the heck is Salvia sclarea? It's basically another word for clary sage. If you get clary sage in the form of an essential oil, it contains antibacterial properties that can help to fight off vaginal infections. It's also the type of oil that balances hormones, increases blood circulation (which means intensified orgasms), decreases menstrual cramp pain, reduces hot flashes and improves the appearance of your vulva skin overall. If you add a few drops of it to some ghee butter, the fatty acids in the ghee will deeply penetrate your skin, making this the ultimate anti-aging combo. Even for your va-jay-jay.
5. Or Apply a Little Vulva Lipstick
I know, right? Who woulda ever thought that there was such a thing as vulva lipstick, but indeed there is! Although I never really thought about it until I read what the manufacturers said, it is true that sometimes my vulva lips look and feel a bit dryer than other times. And dry skin? It always looks older than it should.
If you can relate and you want to try something that's a little outside of the box, a company named VMagic makes a literal vulva lipstick that is 100 percent organic. It comes in a lipstick tube and everything. It definitely serves as my "something new" for the day. How about you?
6. Do More Than Kegels
You've probably read at least a dozen articles before that talk about how kegels can help to strengthen your pelvic floor which can also weaken as we age. A strong "floor" can prevent incontinence and also keep orgasms going strong. But it's not only kegels that will keep your vagina in good shape. Investing in a pair of Ben Wa balls (or a Yoni egg or vaginal cone) and/or doing squats and vertical scissors (also known as scissor lifts) are also ways to give your vaginal area the total workout that it needs.
7. Dye “Her” Hair
As far as my vagina (the "inner tube" that leads to my uterus) and vulva (the outer part of my vagina) go, I think what I've had to adjust to the most are the grey hairs that are popping up more and more, with every passing year. I keep things trimmed pretty low down there, so dyeing it hasn't been something that I've felt the need to do. But if you've also got some greys and you (and/or your man) like your hair to be on the fuller side, coloring it is an option. While I wouldn't recommend you going the traditional box brand route, there is a dye called Black (or Brown) Betty that is specifically designed to color your pubic hair. It's got pretty good customer reviews too so, hey, it's worth a shot.
8. Do the "Cowgirl Position" (Be on Top) More
They say that if you want your breasts to naturally remain firmer for longer, you should sleep on your stomach as little as possible. The reason why is doing that can stretch your breast tissue and that can lead to mild drooping over time. I thought about that when I also discovered that while the missionary position is great on so many levels, it's not always the kindest to your lower lady parts. Constantly being on your back during sex can result in your vaginal walls getting stretched out.
You can counteract that by riding cowgirl more often. It will give you more hip control and, it's actually the kind of sex position that will make it easier to do your kegels while you're having intercourse; something that both of you will benefit from, no doubt!
9. Get Your Nutrients In
A few weeks ago, I wrote an article on here about some of the foods that will make your vagina especially happy. But even if you don't prefer the ones on the list, it is important to get in lots of Vitamin C (it's loaded with antioxidants); Vitamin E (it's great for your libido); some fresh rosemary (it fights bacteria and infections); probiotics (it keeps your digestive tract and vaginal health on track) and ginger (it contains potent anti-inflammatory properties).
There's no way around the fact that a healthy diet is another key to keeping your vagina looking, smelling and even tasting good. Don't skimp on this.
10. Climax. Often.
All you have to do is click on the "love" and then "sex" portion of our site to know that there is no way that I could pen a piece on how to keep your vagina young without mentioning that orgasms will always work in your favor. Whether you get them via penetration or clitoral stimulation, every time that you climax, blood rushes to your vagina which gives its tissue the nutrients that it needs. Plus, orgasms are one of the most effective (and enjoyable) ways to develop the muscles in your vaginal area too.
So, if you want your vagina to be a fountain of youth—by the way, I say "fountain" because your lubrication is proven to be the ultimate probiotic for your partner—for years to come, have sex and a lot of it! "She"—and all of the rest of you for that matter—will be oh so grateful that you did.
Want more stories like this? Sign up for our newsletter here and check out the related reads below:
15 Things I Bet You Didn't Know About Your Own Vagina
10 Things Your Vagina Wishes You Would Do More Often
Foods That Keep Your Vagina Smelling Right (And The Ones That Don't)
Feature image by Getty Images
Originally published August 14, 2019
- How To "Ease Into Sex" After Having A Baby - xoNecole: Women's ... ›
- I Detoxed My Uterus - xoNecole: Women's Interest, Love, Wellness ... ›
- I Tried A Vagina Personal Training Device And I Am Having The ... ›
- How To Care For Your Vagina AFTER Sex - xoNecole: Women's ... ›
- These Common Habits Are Actually BAD For Your Vagina ... ›
- What Is A Hydrogen Peroxide Douche? BV, Infections - xoNecole ... ›
- How To Make Your Vagina Taste Sweeter - xoNecole: Women's ... ›
- How To Increase Vaginal Lubrication Naturally - xoNecole: Women's Interest, Love, Wellness, Beauty ›
- These Women Say It's Okay to Rock Pubic Hair - xoNecole: Women's Interest, Love, Wellness, Beauty ›
- How To Take Care Of Your Bikini Line & Make It Smooth - xoNecole: Women's Interest, Love, Wellness, Beauty ›
- 12 Ways To Cool Down Your Vagina - xoNecole: Lifestyle, Culture, Love, Wellness ›
Different puzzle pieces are creating bigger pictures these days. 2024 will mark a milestone on a few different levels, including the release of my third book next June (yay!).
I am also a Professional Certified Coach. My main mission for attaining that particular goal is to use my formal credentials to help people navigate through the sometimes tumultuous waters, both on and offline, when it comes to information about marriage, sex and relationships that is oftentimes misinformation (because "coach" is a word that gets thrown around a lot, oftentimes quite poorly).
I am also still super devoted to helping to bring life into this world as a doula, marriage life coaching will always be my first love (next to writing, of course), a platform that advocates for good Black men is currently in the works and my keystrokes continue to be devoted to HEALTHY over HAPPY in the areas of holistic intimacy, spiritual evolution, purpose manifestation and self-love...because maturity teaches that it's impossible to be happy all of the time when it comes to reaching goals yet healthy is a choice that can be made on a daily basis (amen?).
If you have any PERSONAL QUESTIONS (please do not contact me with any story pitches; that is an *editorial* need), feel free to reach out at missnosipho@gmail.com. A sistah will certainly do what she can. ;)
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for daily love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
You're Catching Feelings For Your Guy Friend. Now What?
Let me just start this all off by saying that I will never be the kind of person who thinks that men and women can’t be friends (or that single people and married people can’t be friends). Choosing friends is about looking into someone’s character and how they complement your life; it should never be about their gender or relational status. Don’t get it twisted, though — in order to properly navigate the dynamic between a man and a woman, there are some things that should be pondered and then discussed.
For instance, is the relationship truly platonic? Even though our culture has reduced that word to simply mean that two people are friends and nothing more, the actual definition is that BOTH individuals do not have any type of sexual interest or attraction at all; that only a spiritual kind of love exists. Is that possible? I have a few male friends where that word applies. I won’t lie, though — most of my (unmarried) male friends are more in the lane of, “You could get it. We just value the friendship too much to explore it”…and no, it hasn’t been “game” whenever they’ve brought it up.
Contrary to the notoriously toxic belief of so many folks out here, not every man has coochie on the brain 24/7 and/or lacks self-control and/or is willing to risk it all in order to get some. In fact, not one man in my life is even remotely that shallow.
Now, that doesn’t mean that I don’t get that the line between just friends and possibly more isn’t a tightrope for some friendships from time to time. Like, what happens if the person who ends up “with a little extra,” as far as emotions go for a friend, ends up being you? Even further, what if that question isn’t even close to being rhetorical because it’s something that you’re experiencing right at this very moment, and you’re not exactly sure what you should do about it?
If that’s the case, have no fear. I think I might be able to offer up a bit of insight that can get you through the (potential) internal stress of what happens when you look up one day and it really does seem like, out of nowhere, you suddenly want your guy friend to become something…more.
What Kind of Friendship Is It?
GiphySo before we talk about anything else, the first thing that you should get clear on is the type of friendship that you’re in. What I mean by that is, although we tend to use “friend” to cover all of the bases of someone who we’re not romantically involved with (or isn’t a relative or we can’t stand — and chile,don’t even get me started on frenemies), the reality is that friendships definitely have levels to them (check out “Always Remember That Friendships Have 'Levels' To Them”).
Like,is he a work friend? Is he a church friend? Is he someone you’ve recently gotten to know over the past couple of months? Is he an online friend? Or is it deeper, like a guy who you’ve been friends with for a couple of years now or someone who you used to have in the friend zone (check out “Before You 'Friend Zone' Someone, Read This.”)? Or — and lawd have mercy, if so — is he your best friend, and you’re starting to see him in a completely different light?
Do you see how, just breaking down some of these friendship dynamics, the situations are quite different? For instance, if you have feelings for a co-worker friend, you’ve got to take into consideration what your work environment will be like if the two of you date and it ultimately doesn’t work out. If he’s an online friend (especially if he’s in another city, state, or country), the risk of potential rejection probably won’t be as impactful as if you have to see him every weekend at church.
If he’s someone you already put into the friend zone, I’m gonna tell you right now that if he has any sort of self-esteem, you’re gonna have to eat a few slices of humble pie to get him to entertain being more than friends (because guys tend to move on once they find out that they fall into that space). And if he’s your best friend? Well, while it probably won’t cost you your friendship, it could make things awkward for a while at best or shift the relationship a bit at worst.
That’s why I definitely think that getting real about the kind of friendship you have with the guy is what you should get mentally cleared up first. Then, we can move on to the next thing.
What Do You Want to Come from the Matter?
GiphyAnyway, because I do have a nice circle of male friends, many of whom are single or divorced, I get asked often if it’s hard to be just friends with them. It’s not because I really like what we have as being friends only. There is a type of intimacy and balance of energies that come from a male-female friendship that you can never get from same-sex ones. I value it all too much to risk it. What I want from my male friends — a certain level of protection (because I’m single), insight from a male perspective, doing things that my female friends may not want to do, etc. — I get…and that’s worth more than seeing if the sex would be bomb or if we should try something more and it end up being a bad decision that we can’t come back from.
That’s me, though. That doesn’t have to be you and your guy friend. For example, what if what you want is to explore a sexual relationship (check out “5 Things You Should Ask Yourself Before Having Sex with A Friend”) because you can’t seem to get sex with him out of your head? For better or for worse, chile, back when I was out in these sex streets, that was pretty much my pattern: sex with close friends (check out “14 Lessons I've Learned From 14 Sex Partners”), and it’s not an impossible feat.
You’ve just got to be real with yourself about whether that’s truly all that you want and if you can handle it gracefully if things don’t go as planned (check out “How To Preserve Your Friendship After BAD Casual Sex”) or the sex is so good that now you can’t decide if you’re into him or just into…it. Oh, and don’t even get me started on if he’s seeing other people (because all you wanted was sex…right?). Yeah, a movie that I like calledSleeping with Other People has a scene where a woman is mad that her casual sex partner is sleeping around. His response was on-point: “Keeping our arrangement doesn’t make me an as-hole, but it does make you a liar.” #checkmate
That’s just one example to emphasize the point that, yes, you need to figure out what you want to come from your more-than-just-friends feelings. Do you just want to get it off of your chest and you’re not sure if you want or need to do anything more than that? Do you want just sex? Would you like to go on a few dates to see ifthe chemistry is mutual? Are you “deeply in” and you’re hoping that he feels the same way so that you two can have a full-blown relationship?
Listen, I have watched enough relationships in my lifetime to know that when it comes to something that needs to be as thoughtfully approached as this, it’s not fair to share your feelings with someone and then expect them to know what you want to come from doing so. You need to know…first. So before bringing it to him, figure it out on your own.
Tell Him the Deal. No Hinting Around.
GiphyAlthough timing and delivery matter, I don’t know one man who isn’t a “straight no-chaser” type of individual. This means no hinting around. No guessing games. No 50 million questions to try and see if he likes you first. I promise you that all of these approaches are off-putting to guys and will get them to mentally and emotionally tap out before you get around to making your point. Besides, if he’s a FRIEND friend, you should be able to express your genuine feelings — and honestly, this is a huge plus to telling him: you will be able to see how mature he is when it comes to handling matters of the heart.
Can there be a reason to not tell your guy friend how you feel? I mean, honestly, if you’re avoiding it, I’m assuming that it’s mostly due to fear, and trying to maintain anything with fear as your “fuel,” ultimately, isn’t going to get you anywhere. Plus, the more that you suppress what is going on inside of you, the more it’s going to alter the energy between the two of you, and that could cause unnecessary stress and strain to where either you start unnecessarily projecting things onto him, or he wants to spend less time around you because you’re making him feel as uncomfortable as you are.
Are there any exceptions to this? Eh. If you’re more like good acquaintances than actual friends, perhaps. Personally, though, I think that solid friendships are rooted in honesty — and how can you claim that you’ve got a healthy friendship with someone if you’re holding something as big back as having feelings for them away from them? Logically, it just doesn’t make much sense.
Prepare Yourself for His Response. And Don’t Penalize the Friendship If He Doesn’t Feel the Same Way.
GiphyOnce you tell him, for the most part, there are three ways that telling him can go: he can like you back, he can want some time and space to consider the possibilities, or he can not be interested. Let’s briefly unpack all three.
Liking you back...
So, what if you tell him how you feel, and he feels the same way (or something close)? My two cents would be for the two of you to still go slowly. Where I’ve seen many mess up is they think that they can go from friend to more-than-friends in two days or less, and that’s super unrealistic. Meaning, someone having feelings for you, too doesn't mean that they can, should, or will automatically stop seeing other people or that you two can or should immediately start becoming intimate.
Take some time to really discuss each other’s feelings, thoughts, and expectations — and what you guys should do trying to move into a different relational space ultimately proves to not be the best thing for one or both of you. If anything should take the “ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure” approach, it’s friends who are transitioning into something more — or else.
Wanting time and space...
Going from friends to potentially something different is a lot like shifting gears in a car — and if you move too fast, you can strip them. That said, just because you’ve been sitting with your feelings for a while, it’s not fair to want to rush him after he finds out. Whether he wants time and space to figure out how he feels about your feelings or time and space from you altogether — both are warranted.
Should it be for weeks with no contact? Not if he’s a good friend. On the other hand, should you pressure him into making you feel at ease about what he’s just now learning? Eh. You might want to go to another friend to help you out with that. I mean, how would you feel if the shoe was on the other foot? Right…exactly.
He's not interested...
No one likes rejection; that’s real. At the same time, though, it’s not fair to penalize him if he doesn’t feel the same way that you do. Clearly, if he’s your friend (especially a close friend), he adores and values you on some level. However, if that’s not romantically, try and be emotionally mature enough to know and then accept that not wanting all of what you desire from the relationship doesn’t mean that he doesn’t want you in his life at all.
At the end of the day, if it’s too hard to be his friend when you want something else, you’ve got to do what’s best for you. Just make sure that you’re not going to lose a great person in your life because your ego got bruised or your pride couldn’t handle him not reciprocating what you were offering. It’s not fair, and it could end up costing you…A LOT. Take the kind of space you need to redirect your focus. If he loves you, he’ll be there when you get…back.
___
I’ve developed feelings for a friend before; more than once. Was it always easy to work through? Not always. My friendships always survived it, though — whether the feelings were reciprocated or not. And it was because we valued the friendship too much to lose it.
And honestly, I think that is one of the best things to come out of having feelings for a friend: you end up finding out just how solid the bond actually is. And in a world where really good friends are hard to come by…that can never not be a good thing.
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for daily love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
Featured image by FG Trade/Getty Images