Recently, while having a conversation with a 50-something-year-old friend of mine, she brought up something that somewhat inspired me to write this piece. As we were discussing subtle (and not-so-subtle) changes that we were noticing about our bodies, because she knows that I am pretty much a research addict, she asked me (almost in a blaming tone of voice), "So, how come you didn't tell me that as we get older, we lose our body hair? I haven't needed to shave my legs in a couple of months now and…" Right when "and" came out, she pointed down to her vaginal area and opened her mouth into a wide "o" position.
Yes, ladies, it is indeed true. As we go through menopause, keeping our bikini line clean becomes less and less of an issue or necessity. In fact, as we age and experience different things in life, our vaginas can go through all sorts of changes. Birth control and menopause tend to produce less lubrication. Pregnancy can cause vericose veins on our vulva. Rises and dips and weight (along with the loss of collagen over time) can result in the vulva (the outer part of our vagina) sagging. Constant shaving can alter the pigment and texture of our vulva too.
Believe you me, I'm not sharing all of this with you to totally stress you out. I'm sharing it because, all of these facts of life, are a blaring reminder that our vagina (and vulva) deserve just as much TLC as the rest of our body does. I also brought up this info because, as much as we may not want to think about it, vaginas age like the rest of us does. That's the "bad" news. The good news is there are all sorts of things that you can do, starting today, that will make your vagina both look and feel like a fountain of youth. Yes, literally.
1. Stay Hydrated
They say that 75 percent of Americans are not only dehydrated but chronically dehydrated. Considering that we're made up of about 60-65 percent water, it's easy to see why dehydration causes all sorts of health issues. Not only does not having enough water make you thirsty, it can cause toxins to build up in your system, affect your mood, mess with your attention span and can even cause your brain to become depleted of the fluid that it needs. Another problem with dehydration is it can cause your blood to become more concentrated which can do a real number on your kidneys.
As far as your vagina is concerned, the more water you have, the healthier your discharge will be, the more lubrication your body will be able to produce and, the more moisturized and yes, youthful-looking your vulva will appear.
So, what are you waiting for? Drink up!
2. Swap Out Your Office Chair for a Fitness Ball
Something that could be making your vagina "lazy" is that office chair of yours. Before getting into why I say that, although not all scientists agree with the saying "sitting is the new smoking", what they and medical professionals can get on one page about is constant sitting without taking breaks isn't good for your health. For this reason alone, it's a good idea to get up every 30 minutes or so to stand at your desk or walk around the office for a couple of minutes, just to get your legs moving and your heart rate up a bit.
Another smart thing to do is ask your boss if they are cool with you bringing a fitness ball to sit on. Even if you don't sit on it all day long, a good 30 minutes or so will help to strengthen your core, improve your posture and also give your vagina a bit of a workout, without you even noticing.
3. Cycle Differently
It might sound weird, but if you like to ride your bicycle a lot or you take a regular spin class, while it's doing wonders for your heart, it is actually working against your vagina; at least it is if your bike's seat doesn't have enough cushion on it.
A hard seat not only causes extra friction and can cut off your blood's circulation down there, it can stretch your labia majora and labia minora (your vulva's inner and outer lips) over time too.
So yeah, it's important to look for a seat that has as much cushion as possible, and to position your handlebars up higher than your bike's seat. That will result in less pressure being placed on your body's lower region.
4. Try Some Salvia Sclarea and Ghee Butter
What the heck is Salvia sclarea? It's basically another word for clary sage. If you get clary sage in the form of an essential oil, it contains antibacterial properties that can help to fight off vaginal infections. It's also the type of oil that balances hormones, increases blood circulation (which means intensified orgasms), decreases menstrual cramp pain, reduces hot flashes and improves the appearance of your vulva skin overall. If you add a few drops of it to some ghee butter, the fatty acids in the ghee will deeply penetrate your skin, making this the ultimate anti-aging combo. Even for your va-jay-jay.
5. Or Apply a Little Vulva Lipstick
I know, right? Who woulda ever thought that there was such a thing as vulva lipstick, but indeed there is! Although I never really thought about it until I read what the manufacturers said, it is true that sometimes my vulva lips look and feel a bit dryer than other times. And dry skin? It always looks older than it should.
If you can relate and you want to try something that's a little outside of the box, a company named VMagic makes a literal vulva lipstick that is 100 percent organic. It comes in a lipstick tube and everything. It definitely serves as my "something new" for the day. How about you?
6. Do More Than Kegels
You've probably read at least a dozen articles before that talk about how kegels can help to strengthen your pelvic floor which can also weaken as we age. A strong "floor" can prevent incontinence and also keep orgasms going strong. But it's not only kegels that will keep your vagina in good shape. Investing in a pair of Ben Wa balls (or a Yoni egg or vaginal cone) and/or doing squats and vertical scissors (also known as scissor lifts) are also ways to give your vaginal area the total workout that it needs.
7. Dye “Her” Hair
As far as my vagina (the "inner tube" that leads to my uterus) and vulva (the outer part of my vagina) go, I think what I've had to adjust to the most are the grey hairs that are popping up more and more, with every passing year. I keep things trimmed pretty low down there, so dyeing it hasn't been something that I've felt the need to do. But if you've also got some greys and you (and/or your man) like your hair to be on the fuller side, coloring it is an option. While I wouldn't recommend you going the traditional box brand route, there is a dye called Black (or Brown) Betty that is specifically designed to color your pubic hair. It's got pretty good customer reviews too so, hey, it's worth a shot.
8. Do the "Cowgirl Position" (Be on Top) More
They say that if you want your breasts to naturally remain firmer for longer, you should sleep on your stomach as little as possible. The reason why is doing that can stretch your breast tissue and that can lead to mild drooping over time. I thought about that when I also discovered that while the missionary position is great on so many levels, it's not always the kindest to your lower lady parts. Constantly being on your back during sex can result in your vaginal walls getting stretched out.
You can counteract that by riding cowgirl more often. It will give you more hip control and, it's actually the kind of sex position that will make it easier to do your kegels while you're having intercourse; something that both of you will benefit from, no doubt!
9. Get Your Nutrients In
A few weeks ago, I wrote an article on here about some of the foods that will make your vagina especially happy. But even if you don't prefer the ones on the list, it is important to get in lots of Vitamin C (it's loaded with antioxidants); Vitamin E (it's great for your libido); some fresh rosemary (it fights bacteria and infections); probiotics (it keeps your digestive tract and vaginal health on track) and ginger (it contains potent anti-inflammatory properties).
There's no way around the fact that a healthy diet is another key to keeping your vagina looking, smelling and even tasting good. Don't skimp on this.
10. Climax. Often.
All you have to do is click on the "love" and then "sex" portion of our site to know that there is no way that I could pen a piece on how to keep your vagina young without mentioning that orgasms will always work in your favor. Whether you get them via penetration or clitoral stimulation, every time that you climax, blood rushes to your vagina which gives its tissue the nutrients that it needs. Plus, orgasms are one of the most effective (and enjoyable) ways to develop the muscles in your vaginal area too.
So, if you want your vagina to be a fountain of youth—by the way, I say "fountain" because your lubrication is proven to be the ultimate probiotic for your partner—for years to come, have sex and a lot of it! "She"—and all of the rest of you for that matter—will be oh so grateful that you did.
Want more stories like this? Sign up for our newsletter here and check out the related reads below:
15 Things I Bet You Didn't Know About Your Own Vagina
10 Things Your Vagina Wishes You Would Do More Often
Foods That Keep Your Vagina Smelling Right (And The Ones That Don't)
Feature image by Getty Images
Originally published August 14, 2019
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It's kinda wild that, in 2025, my byline will have appeared on this platform for (what?!) seven years. And yeah, when I'm not waxing poetic on here about sex, relationships and then...more sex and relationships, I am working as a certified marriage life coach, helping to birth babies (as a doula) or penning for other places (oftentimes under pen names).
As some of you know, something that I've been "threatening" to do for a few years now is write another book. Welp, October 2024 was the month that I "gave birth" to my third one: 'Inside of Me 2.0: My Story. With a 20-Year Lens'. It's fitting considering I hit a milestone during the same year.
Beyond that, Pumas and lip gloss are still my faves along with sweatshirts and tees that have a pro-Black message on them. I've also started really getting into big ass unique handbags and I'm always gonna have a signature scent that ain't nobody's business but my own.
As far as where to find me, I continue to be MIA on the social media front and I honestly don't know if that will ever change. Still, if you need to hit me up about something *that has nothing to do with pitching on the site (I'm gonna start ignoring those emails because...boundaries)*, hit me up at missnosipho@gmail.com. I'll do what I can. ;)
Reset Your Relationship: How To Start 2025 Strong With Your Partner
As the calendar turns and a new year unfolds, many of us are laser-focused on our career goals, fitness resolutions, and vision boards that outline the journey to our best selves. But amidst all the planning and self-improvement, have you made room for another important part of your life? Your relationship.
It's easy for couples to fall into a routine, going through the motions and letting their connection sit on autopilot. While comfort is natural in a long-term relationship, it’s important to remember: that what you don’t nurture, eventually fades. So, why not make 2025 the year you reset your relationship? Here’s how to start the year with a renewed bond, reigniting the spark that brought you together.
Step 1: Schedule Your Reset Meeting
The first step to hitting the reset button is a State of the Union meeting with your partner. This is your chance to take a pulse on the relationship, discuss what's working, and identify areas that need attention. It’s all about creating space to reflect, without distractions.
Grab a pen and paper (or open a shared note on your phone) and come prepared to share your top 2-3 desires for your relationship.
What do you both want to feel more of in 2025? Maybe it’s feeling more appreciated, or perhaps you want to reignite the passion you had when you first started dating. Whatever it is, get clear about it, and make sure both of you are on the same page.
This isn’t just about listing your own wants, it’s also about discussing ways to nurture each other’s needs. Relationship goals should be focused on fostering deeper intimacy, trust, and mutual respect. Use this time to check in, not only with each other but with your individual feelings and expectations. Set the foundation for a fulfilling year ahead.
Step 2: Set A Date (Or Multiple!)
Having the meeting is only the first step. Now, it’s time to take action. One of the simplest ways to breathe new life into a relationship is by reintroducing consistent, intentional time spent together. For many couples, life gets busy, and date nights fall by the wayside. But dating doesn’t stop when you say "I do"—in fact, it’s even more essential.
During your reset meeting, lock in a regular date night that works for both of your schedules. This could be a weekly dinner date or an every-other-week adventure—whatever keeps things fresh. The goal is consistency. It’s easy to push date nights aside when life gets hectic, but if you set a specific date each week or month, you’re making your relationship a priority.
If you’re unsure what to do for your date nights, don’t worry! The key is creating new experiences together. This is what sparks excitement and brings you closer as a couple. Whether it’s cooking a new recipe together, trying a dance class, or exploring a nearby town, it’s about creating shared memories that build your connection.
Step 3: Find an Accountability Partner
Just like you might have a personal trainer to help you crush your fitness goals, an accountability partner for your relationship can do wonders for keeping both of you on track. Consider hiring a marriage coach or therapist—someone who can meet you where you are and guide you in strengthening your relationship.
When selecting a professional, it’s important to choose someone who truly wants the best for your marriage and can provide actionable advice.
Don’t be afraid to set high standards for your relationship, and seek guidance on how to keep it thriving for the long haul. In your reset meeting, discuss your commitment to growth, and be honest about areas where you may need support.
Marriage isn’t a set-it-and-forget-it endeavor—it’s an ongoing process. Regular check-ins with a professional can help keep your relationship in tip-top shape and “divorce-proof” by addressing issues before they become insurmountable.
Step 4: Try Something New Together
Stale routines can easily make a relationship feel monotonous. Spice things up by trying something new! Couples that explore new activities and create new memories together have stronger, more fulfilling bonds.
My husband and I host one of the top luxury marriage retreats, A Weekend For Love, designed to help couples experience new things together. From couples' workshops to outdoor adventures, the retreat provides a platform to rediscover each other and reconnect on a deeper level.
The element of surprise can reignite your connection. It’s exciting, fresh, and shows your partner that you’re committed to growing together. This doesn’t have to be a huge commitment—it could be as simple as trying a new hobby or planning an impromptu weekend getaway.
Your Relationship Should Be A Priority
As you start the year with personal goals in mind, don’t forget the importance of nurturing your relationship. It’s easy to get caught up in work, fitness, and family obligations, but your bond with your partner deserves to be at the top of your list. Resetting your relationship offers an opportunity to reignite that spark and remind each other why you fell in love in the first place.
In 2025, make a commitment to prioritize your partnership, to nurture it daily, and to invest in its growth. Take time to celebrate each other’s victories, support one another’s dreams, and build a foundation of love and respect. When you start the year with a clear focus on your relationship, you’re setting it up for success.
So, before you start mapping out your new workout plan or work goals, do yourself a favor: put your relationship at the top of that list. Your love story deserves a fresh start, too.
Happy New Year, and here’s to a love-filled 2025!
Couples, if you are ready to do the work and invest in your relationship register for A Weekend For Love: Heart Retreat Feb 21-23, 2025.
Featured image by zamrznutitonovi/Getty Images
TikTok Says To Put Diaper Rash Cream On Your Face. Is That Good Advice?
Geeze, by the time this article actually runs, there could easily be 15 more updates on what’s happening with TikTok. Hey, I’m not exaggerating either because you’d literally have to be living under 10 tons of rocks to not be aware of all of the controversy surrounding it; especially when it comes to its impending ban.
And even though I’m not personally a social media (account) user, I must say that two things that I find to be pretty sad about where TikTok is headed (should it truly and finally come to an end) are one, all of the money that it’s going to cost its creators (I actually read that it will be close to a whopping $1.3 billion in the first month of a ban) and two, the fact that when it comes to researching things to write about, TikTok is so much better and easier than Facebook or Instagram (Mark Zuckerberg is a real trip right now; keep checking up on him too…SMDH).
A great example of this: learning about the diaper rash face cream trend that everyone seems to be raving about these days; especially on TikTok. Yeah, it all might sound crazy on the surface, but I’ve actually got some intel, along with videos from Black women who don’t regret putting something that was made for a baby’s butt (relatively speaking) all over their face.
Are you ready to see if it’s something that just might work for you as well?
Video credit: @_nvrseeme via TikTok
Diaper Rash on Your Face Even Has a Name: Face Basting
GiphyYou learn something new every day, chile. Personally, I think a big reason is because something new is made up all of the time. LOL. Take skin or face basting, for example. Now, unless you are someone who already puts diaper rash cream on your face, I’d be close to shocked if you know what that term means. If you’re like me — someone who just found out while conducting research for this piece — and you’re curious, skin basting is what happens when you want to do an overnight treatment on your skin with the help of diaper rash cream (face basting is when you apply it to your face only).
And just why would you do something like this? Well, for one thing, diaper rash cream tends to have a good amount of an ingredient called zinc oxide in it. It’s beneficial for your skin in a myriad of ways including the fact that it 1) helps to create a protective barrier on it; 2) can shield your skin from damaging UV rays; 3) locks moisture into dry skin; 4) helps to heal damaged skin tissue; 5) can help to prevent bacterial infections from occurring (or spreading); 6) increases the production of collagen; 7) slows down the signs of skin aging, and 9) can even treat dandruff.
If you add to that the fact that the lanolin and dimethicone (which are also skin protectants) are also in many diaper rash creams — hell, why wouldn’t you consider putting at least a dab or two of the stuff onto your face to see if it helps at all? I mean, GOODNESS.
Video credit: @staria_brantley via TikTok
Why Face Basting Is Better than Face Slugging
GiphyAnd what if you’re reading all of this and you’re thinking that face basting sounds a lot like something else that you’ve casually come across: face slugging? If that is the case, you may be wondering if there is a difference between the two. There is.
Face basting is about letting diaper rash cream soak into your skin for a significant amount of time. Face slugging is when you substitute the cream for a thick ointment like Vaseline or Aquaphor.
The method behind the madness of “slugging” is it could possibly help to heal dry skin and keep it soft for a longer period of time — although, to me, it seems like a surefire way to clog up your pores (so please report back, if you’ve tried this before). Plus, I can only imagine what your pillowcases and sheets end up looking and feeling like the next morning. Yeah, on the slugging tip, I’ll pass.
Video credit: @that.calliegirl via TikTok
Who Shouldn’t Attempt to “Baste Their Face”
GiphyAs you can see from the TikTok videos that I’ve interwoven throughout this article, some women are real fans of face basting. Still, that doesn’t mean it should be the go-to remedy for everyone. For one thing, if diaper rash cream only had zinc oxide, lanolin, and dimethicone, you might be all good; however, that isn’t the case. Mineral oil, fragrance, and other ingredients that are oftentimes in diaper rash cream could potentially irritate your skin.
Another thing to keep in mind is because diaper rash cream is also thick (like Vaseline), there is a chance that your breakouts could get worse due to potential pore clogs. Same goes for if you have oily skin or super sensitive skin (because a baby’s bottom has “tougher” skin than the skin that is on your face).
In all of these instances, if you want to see if diaper rash cream could be the skin remedy that you’ve been looking for, avoid the full-on basting and just apply a bit on your face. Wait a few days to see if there are any unwanted side effects and go from there — although it’s also a good idea to keep in mind that you can always purchase some plain zinc oxide ointment or speak with a dermatologist about what would ultimately be best for you.
Other Practical Uses for Diaper Rash Cream
GiphyWhew, chile. Now that you know what diaper rash can do for your face, you’d be more than warranted to be curious about if it can benefit you in other ways. The answer is actually…yes. Hangnails. If you “baste your nail cuticles” with it a couple of nights a week, it will help to keep your cuticles well-moisturized (since hangnails pretty much come from dry cuticles).
Vulvovaginitis. Vulvovaginitis is a technical term for irritation of the vulva. So long as you apply the ointment to your vulva only, it can help to bring temporary relief to itchiness or irritation (it’s good for girls as well as women, by the way).
Thigh chafing. If thigh chafing is something that you deal with,the zinc oxide that’s in diaper rash cream can serve as a barrier for your skin, so that it’s not as much of an issue.
___
Personally, I’ve got a pretty good skin regimen going right now, so I’m not sure if I’ll be doing the face basting thing any time soon. Now nail basting? Diaper rash cream just might have me sold there. Because when you stop to think about the fact that you can get so much from a (roughly) $10 container or tube — why not?
Y’all, who knows if TikTok will be done this year. Just in case, let’s use this article as an opportunity to thank it for the hacks that sometimes do actually work.
Well done, TikTok. This time. LOL.
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Featured image by Delmaine Donson/Getty Images