If you read the title of this and were like, “Damn sis, we’re not even officially into spring yet” — yes, you would be correct. Actually what inspired this piece has nothing to do with bikini weather but a conversation I was having with a woman about how she’s super subconscious about oral action with her boo and it’s mostly because she doesn’t like how her bikini line looks.
Our day-one readers and supporters know that we do our best to cover as many “It’s not talked about publicly, so let’s talk about it” topics as possible. Plus, in the spirit of wanting as many women as possible to enjoy cunnilingus fully (just sayin’) while also getting their line right for the summer season, here are 12 things that you can do yourself to get your bikini line exactly how you want it to be.
1. Buy Panties That Actually Fit
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It’s wild how we’re always talking about how many women wear bras that don’t fit them properly (which is reportedly STILL holding at 80 percent; I know that I thought I was a DDD for years and I’m actually an H) yet it never seems to come up, just how many of us don’t want panties that fit as well as they should too.
Case in point, when I went for my latest waxing, I asked my waxer if a bump that I could feel right in the crease of one of my butt cheeks was an ingrown hair. She told me that it looked like a build-up of keratin from the elastic of my panties. She also said it happens often, especially if our panties are too tight or we sleep in them.
Welp, that is definitely a sign to keep sleeping naked (more on that later).
As far as knowing if your panties are too snug for your own good — if they leave marks; if they cause the skin around your hips to bulge out; if you’re getting wedgies often — you need to go up a size. For the sake of your bikini line and comfort, make sure that you do.
2. Exfoliate That Area
Ever since I’ve been going to either waxing or sugaring appointments, shaving is a thing of the past. However, my waxer (and when I go, sugar-er) tells me that I still need to exfoliate my bikini line after my appointment with her; then at least 3-4 times in between our next appointment. After the appointment, so that I can remove any tiny bits of wax that might be left behind that could potentially clog up my pores/hair follicles. In between appointments, in order to remove dead skin that could result in tiny bumps and ingrown hairs, if I’m not careful.
So, whether you are a shaver and need to do this in order to prep your skin for removing hair or you need to do it for the reasons I just said, make exfoliating your bikini line an absolute must. As far as what you should exfoliate with, a homemade sugar scrub like the ones YouTuber Whole Elise features in this video here should suit you just fine.
3. Attempt Some DIY Sugaring
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Speaking of sugaring, I’m actually a big fan of it (I just go to my waxer more because she’s more…accurate in removing all of the hair that I want to get rid of than my particular sugar-er is; plus, sugaring is oftentimes more expensive). Since the paste is made up of (usually) nothing other than sugar, lemon juice, and water, it contains no chemicals. It’s easier to make at home. And, since sugaring “sticks” to the hair and dead skin cells alone, it tends to be less painful than waxing (and leaves less skin irritation). Finally, a real plus is, if you’re looking for a method that leads to permanent hair removal over time, sugaring is that one.
4. Never Shave Against the Grain
Back in my shaving days, no matter how much I heard that I wasn’t supposed to cut against the grain of how my hair naturally grew, I stayed being hard-headed because I liked how close the shave was whenever I did it that way. When it comes to my legs (because I still shave those), ingrown hairs have never been an issue — oh, but when it comes to my bikini line? Yeah, that was a hot ass mess.
So, even if you know this rule already, because it is one of the greatest causes of razor-related mayhem, it really is a good idea to remember the cut in the direction that your hair actually grows. Also, as far as your razor itself goes, believe it or not, you are supposed to replace it with another one no less than every seven shaves. So yeah, the one that’s been holding on for dear life in your shower? I’ve got a really strong feeling that it’s beyond time to give that up — stat.
5. Use Deodorant After Shaving
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Hmm. Now here’s something that might be your “something new” for the day. Were you aware of the fact that deodorant can be an awesome addition to shaving your bikini line? How in the world does that work? Good question. The aluminum that’s in deodorant contains astringent, antibacterial, and anti-sweating properties. So, if you swipe some deodorant onto freshly-shaven skin, it can help to keep the bacteria from your razor and the irritation that your bikini line might experience down to a minimum.
6. Put Witch Hazel on Razor Burns or Razor Bumps
If there’s one thing that I think everyone should have at least two bottles of, it’s witch hazel. It’s cheap (you should be able to easily find a bottle for under five bucks). It’s easy to find (local drug and grocery stores carry it). And the skin benefits are totally off the charts! The properties in witch hazel are potent when it comes to reducing inflammation, soothing skin irritation, providing the top layers of your skin with antioxidants, and, thanks to the tannins that are in witch hazel, it can help to protect your skin from long-term surface-related damage too. All of this is why witch hazel is top-tier when it comes to using it as a skin astringent should you happen to notice any razor burns or razor bumps.
7. Soak in Some Apple Cider Vinegar Bathwater
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Okay, so there are powerful antimicrobial properties in apple cider vinegar that make it ideal if you’re looking for a way to bring relief to irritated skin or to restore the pH balance of your skin. This is why apple cider vinegar bath soaks are ideal if you’re fighting a yeast infection and why it’s also ideal if you want to speed up the healing process of razor burns or bumps that are around your bikini line. As a bonus, apple cider vinegar serves as a pretty effective exfoliant that’s able to remove the dead skin that may be clogging up your hair follicles; this too can also keep razor bumps from forming.
All you need to do is fill up your bath with really warm (but not super-hot) water. Pour in two cups of apple cider vinegar and soak for 20-30 minutes. A word of caution, though — if you’re tempted to dab some onto a cotton ball and apply it directly to your skin, words cannot express the kind of stinging that you’re in for. Moral of the story: apple cider vinegar should ALWAYS be diluted before applying it.
8. Try Silicone Gel Sheets on Other Scars
If you’re not familiar with what a silicone gel sheet is, probably the best way to explain it is it’s an adhesive, made out of silicone, that you can apply directly to any scars that you have. Over time, the silicone will remove much of the irritation that’s associated with the scar as well as soften its appearance.
The cool thing about this option is silicone gel sheets are pretty easy to find. Two examples are the ones that Walgreens sells here and Walmart sells here.
9. Add Onion Extract Gel to Keloid Scars
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Something else that has been getting a lot of thumbs up lately, as far as scars are concerned, is onion extract gel. From what I’ve read and researched, the properties in onions help to kill bacteria, reduce inflammation and even lighten dark marks over time. All of this is why some experts say that it’s an effectively all-natural way to treat keloid scars if you’ve got any around your bikini line region.
For the record, it won’t happen overnight (some keloids can take years to fully heal, if they ever do at all) but it is something to keep in mind if you’d prefer to take a holistic approach to them.
10. Apply a Combo of Shea Butter and Tea Tree Oil Every Night
Whether you’re looking to heal razor bumps, even out the skin tone of your bikini line, or just keep that part of your body smooth and youthful-looking, I can personally vouch for the fact that a mixture of shea butter and tea tree oil will get you what you need.
The fatty acids, vitamins A, E, and F, antioxidants, and emollient (moisturizers that deeply hydrate your skin) properties of shea butter are great at soothing your skin as well as healing it and improving the appearance of your bikini line’s complexion.
As far as tea tree oil goes, the properties in it help to soothe inflammation (it’s pretty much an overnight solution for reducing the appearance of zits), kill bacteria, and help to heal dry skin and eczema-related symptoms.
I tend to mix a half teaspoon of shea butter with 1-2 drops of tea tree oil (a little goes a long way) and rub it on my bikini line. It’s been keeping it looking amazing ever since.
11. Get a Professional Vajacial
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Even with all of the at-home tips that I provided, I ain’t gonna lie to you — there is nothing like having a professional tend to your lady parts and this includes treating it to a facial (which is commonly called a “vajacial”) about once a season.
Typically what happens with a vajacial is an esthetician will apply a cleanser that’s specifically made for that area of your body. Then they will deeply exfoliate, remove any ingrown hairs, apply a mask that will help to tighten up the pores, and do a treatment that will help to even out your skin tone. Sometimes, they may recommend a chemical peel too.
My two cents? Take a picture of “her” before a vajacial and then take another one after it’s been done. When I tell you that it’s damn near like a day and night difference? I am absolutely NOT exaggerating.
12. Sleep Naked
We touched on this earlier but just because repetition can always be beneficial for memory’s sake — please sleep naked. Not only will your nether regions be thankful for a break from the underwear that you have on for hours on end, but there are also a bunch of other health-related benefits that come from doing it too including a regulation of hormones, a stabilization of body temperature, and a reduction of stress.
Do all of this and you’ll be well on your way to a fabulous bikini line — whatever you, umm, want/need it for. #wink
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While speaking to xoNecole, Eva shares that she’s a lot like the beloved 1994 character in many ways. “Lyric is so me. She's the odd flower. A flower nonetheless, but definitely not a peony,” she tells us.
“She's not the average flower you see presented, and so she reminds me of myself. I'm a sunflower, beautiful, but different. And what I loved about her character then, and even more so now, is that she was very sure of herself.
"Sure of what she wanted in life and okay to sacrifice her moments right now, to get what she knew she deserved later. And that is me. I'm not an instant gratification kind of a person. I am a long game. I'm not a sprinter, I'm a marathon.
America first fell in love with Eva when she graced our screens on cycle 3 of America’s Next Top Model in 2004, which she emerged as the winner. Since then, she's ventured into different avenues, from acting on various TV series like House of Payne to starring on Real Housewives of Atlanta.
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Eva praises her castmates and the play’s producer, Je’Caryous for her positive experience. “You know what? Je’Caryous fuels my audacity car daily, ‘cause I consider myself an extremely audacious woman, and I believe in what I know, even if no one else knows it, because God gave it to me. So I know what I know. That is who Je’Caryous is.”
But the mom of three isn’t the only one in the family who enjoys acting. Eva reveals her daughter Marley has also caught the acting bug.
“It is the most adorable thing you can ever see. She’s got a part in her school play. She's in her chorus, and she loves it,” she says. “I don't know if she loves it, because it's like, mommy does it, so maybe I should do it, but there is something about her.”
Overall, Eva hopes that her contribution to the role and the play as a whole serves as motivation for others to reach for the stars.
“I want them to walk out with hope. I want them to re-vision their dreams. Whatever they were. Whatever they are. To re-see them and then have that thing inside of them say, ‘You know what? I'm going to do that. Whatever dream you put on the back burner, go pick it up.
"Whatever dream you've accomplished, make a new dream, but continue to reach for the stars. Continue to reach for what is beyond what people say we can do, especially as [a] Black collective but especially as Black women. When it comes to us and who we are and what we accept and what we're worth, it's not about having seen it before. It's about knowing that I deserve it.”
This interview has been edited for length and clarity.
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You know, sometimes, when I go back and look at some of the articles that I’ve penned for the platform before, I truly can’t believe how fast time flies. Take the piece, “What's The Difference Between Being 'Religious' And Being 'Spiritual', Anyway?” — now, how in the world did it turn five this year? I can’t even begin to wrap my mind around it. And although the piece does address some key points — like the fact that there is somewhat of a difference between being spiritual and being religious (although more people should read James 1:27 in order to understand how the Bible defines religion to be…it just might surprise them) — I want to explore a deeper angle of our spirituality, along with what we should require of it.
Today, let’s look at spirituality from the perspective of “the quality of being concerned with the human spirit or soul as opposed to material or physical things,” “a quality that goes beyond religious affiliation, that strives for inspiration, reverence, awe, meaning and purpose…” (Murray and Zentner) and, perhaps, more than anything else, “the relationship between ourselves and something larger."
You know, it’s a woman by the name of Dr. Maya Spencer who once said, “Spirituality means knowing that our lives have significance in a context beyond a mundane everyday existence at the level of biological needs that drive selfishness and aggression. It means knowing that we are a significant part of a purposeful unfolding of Life in our universe.” Indeed.
And while keeping that in mind, if this is a time of your life when you would like to “clean or cleanse your spirituality” by doing things like removing negative energy, getting rid of old or counterproductive patterns and/or by stepping into an elevated space as far as your human spirit and soul are concerned, you might be pleasantly surprised by how easy and even fun that can be for you to do.
To effectively clean/cleanse your spirit, start by asking — and answering — the following five spirituality-focused questions:
What Inspires You?
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Remember how, in the intro, I shared that one definition of spirituality is “a quality that goes beyond religious affiliation, that strives for inspiration, reverence, awe, meaning and purpose…”? That is actually where I am pulling a lot of these questions from because, the reality is that focusing on things that inspire you, intentionally pondering your purpose, and also by encouraging yourself to become an overall better human being — these things definitely tie into your spiritual side whether you are “traditionally religious” or not.
And so, when it comes to cleansing your spirituality in this season, a great question to start off with is what actually inspires you? And listen, believe it or not, inspire is a pretty layered word. I say that because, while one definition is “to produce or arouse (a feeling, thought, etc.),” another is “to communicate or suggest by a divine or supernatural influence,” while synonyms of the word include excite, affect, cause, motivate, provoke, and instill. This means that if you truly want to say or do things from a place of inspiration, you need to produce things from a divine or supernatural space (interesting, right?).
The reason why it’s so important to “spring clean” in this department is, oftentimes you can be motivated or provoked by things that aren’t really all that good, healthy and/or beneficial for you (social media fast, anyone?) — things that take your mind off of what’s divine — sacred, godly and extremely good. As a result, you find yourself producing out of a mind and heart space that is compromised when it comes to your core standards, values, and even goals.
So yes, in the effort to cleanse your spirituality, begin by really reflecting on what you claim inspires you — then revisit what the word actually means…just to be sure that you are being honest with yourself about whether something or one is truly inspiring you…or not.
What Amplifies Your Purpose?
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Purpose is always something that is going to be a pretty big deal to me. That’s why I’ve written articles for the platform like “What Does It Mean To Have 'Purposeful Relationships'?,” “Please Stop Picking People Who Don't 'Fit' Your Purpose,” “The Conversation You Need To Have With Yourself Before The New Year Begins,” “How To Handle 'Purpose Fatigue'” and “5 Signs You Are Living Your True Purpose.” It’s because really, if you’re not focused, most of all, on the reason why you exist in the first place, nothing else is going to be fully, truly, and authentically fulfilling for you.
So, when it comes to this part of your spirituality, first take some time to make sure that you know what your purpose is. If you have no clue and you’re ready to find out, as a wise person once said, wisdom comes in the questions, even more than the answers, and Rockwood Leadership Institute has a whopping 132 questions that you can ask yourself in order to get to the root of what your purpose is here. On the flip side, if you do know and you’re just not feeling completely satisfied in what you are currently doing as it relates to executing your purpose, it sounds to me like you are going through a bit of a “purpose growth spurt,” and yes, there is such a thing.
For instance, I am very clear on what my purpose in life is — I am here to teach what I study and research about when it comes to the topics of covenant marriage, sex, and the biblical Sabbath. All are covenant principles that have been unbelievably compromised in a thousand different ways. However, as I evolve, transform, and mature, my understanding of what I know does as well, and that “upgrades” how I approach and share my purpose with others. You see, purpose is never supposed to be stagnant…it is ever-shifting as far as how you accomplish things within it.
And that’s why, spiritually, it’s so important that you make sure that you are AMPLIFYING YOUR PURPOSE. To amplify is “to make larger, greater, or stronger; enlarge; extend.” If you are not putting forth the effort to do just this, there is some spiritual cleansing that must be done because, if there is one thing about a person’s purpose, it’s the fact that it’s HUGE which means that there will always be plenty to do within it until their time on this earth ends.
What Makes You Love Better…and More?
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I believe I’ve mentioned before that a show that I loathe with every fiber of my being (and there really is so much to choose from these days — SMDH) is TV One’s For My Man. Not only is it a program that discourages full-level accountability, but it irks me to no end every time that it says that a woman did some heinous crime in the name of love. According to Scripture, GOD IS LOVE (I John 4:8&16). Not only that, but the Love Chapter in Scripture has a very healthy, sane, and mature take on how we should love and require love in return (I’m going to share two translations of I Corinthians 13:4-8 for expanded context):
“Love never gives up. Love cares more for others than for self. Love doesn’t want what it doesn’t have. Love doesn’t strut, doesn’t have a swelled head, doesn’t force itself on others, isn’t always ‘me first,’ doesn’t fly off the handle, doesn’t keep score of the sins of others, doesn’t revel when others grovel, takes pleasure in the flowering of truth, puts up with anything, trusts God always, always looks for the best, never looks back, but keeps going to the end. Love never dies.” (I Corinthians 13 — Message)
“Love endures long and is patient and kind; love never is envious nor boils over with jealousy, is not boastful or vainglorious, does not display itself haughtily. It is not conceited (arrogant and inflated with pride); it is not rude (unmannerly) and does not act unbecomingly. Love (God’s love in us) does not insist on its own rights or its own way, for it is not self-seeking; it is not touchy or fretful or resentful; it takes no account of the evil done to it [it pays no attention to a suffered wrong]. It does not rejoice at injustice and unrighteousness, but rejoices when right and truth prevail. Love bears up under anything and everything that comes, is ever ready to believe the best of every person, its hopes are fadeless under all circumstances, and it endures everything [without weakening]. Love never fails [never fades out or becomes obsolete or comes to an end].” (I Corinthians 13 — AMPC)
Now, think about what you see displayed on television when it comes to relationships. Based on these verses, is it love? Is it really? Ponder all of the relationship content that’s on social media. Does it sound like this kind of love? Does it really? The times when you’ve done things that you know were purely rooted in selfishness, impatience, and/or refusing to do for others what you would want them to do for you — how can any of that be loving? If you do believe in God and you also believe that you were made in his image (Genesis 1:26-28), this means that a part of your own spiritual DNA is love. This also means that if you know that your love has been tainted by material or physical things (which, by definition, is the opposite of spirituality), it’s time to make some real adjustments.
That said, take some time, think about the people and things that you profess to love, and ask yourself if it’s really love or is it lust or entitlement or immaturity. Then ask yourself what you can do to love those individuals and items better.
Remember, since you are made from Love, it’s important that you love like you are.
How Effective Are You When It Comes to Compassion?
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Personally, I think that whenever someone does something reckless and then follows up with the Bible says not to judge, I find it to be a supreme level of gaslighting. The context of that verse is saying that in the way that you judge, you will be judged and that you should make sure that you are right in the area that you are judging before you judge someone else (Matthew 7:1-5); however, be clear that judgment is a form of accountability which is why there are also verses like “Do not judge according to appearance, but judge with righteous judgment” (John 7:24 — NKJV) that exist — not to mention the fact that discernment literally means “keen judgment” and the Good Book supremely promotes that: “Strike a scoffer, and the simple will become wary; rebuke one who has understanding, and hewill discern knowledge.” (Proverbs 19:25 — NKJV)
And that’s why, any time the topic of “don’t judge” comes up, I am known for saying something along the lines of, “PUH-LEEZE. If I say ‘You’re cute,’ I just judged you. Humans don’t have a problem with judgment; they don’t like criticism or accountability.” And gee, is that unfortunate because it’s hard to grow without both of those things. However, the key that comes with being on the giving end of criticism or holding someone accountable is applying a quote by author Anne McCaffrey: “Make no judgments where you have no compassion.”
This world has a lot of…stuff going on, stuff that needs to be addressed and stuff that needs compassion applied while it is. By definition, compassion is about having concern for others, especially if what you see them going through, they have either told you or you can discern is tied to some level of internal suffering. And that’s why, in the spirit of spiritual cleansing, something else to ask is if you are holding others and even yourself accountable while operating from a place of genuine care and concern or is your ego just wanting to elevate itself or prove that it’s right?
You know, we’re living in a time when, more and more, people are frowning on humility which is unfortunate because a definite quality that comes with being a compassionate person is absolutely that — “By humility and the fear of the Lord are riches and honor and life.” (Proverbs 22:4 — NKJV)
It really is almost impossible to be profoundly spiritual without being a compassionate person. Is this an area that needs some “cleaning up”? If so, there is no time like the present.
What Encourages You to Be Wiser and Full of More Truth?
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Musician Jimi Hendrix once said, “Knowledge speaks, wisdom listens.” Aristotle once said, “Knowing yourself is the beginning of all wisdom.” Confucius once said, “By three methods we may learn wisdom: first, by reflection, which is the noblest; second, by imitation, which is the easiest; and third, by experience, which is the bitterest." Thomas Jefferson once said, “The wisest men know their weakness.” Author Gift Gugu Mona once said, “A woman of peace is a wise woman who understands that peace is more powerful than trying to prove a point.”
And what does it mean to be wise?
People who can regulate their emotions are wise. People who actually learn from their experiences (and the experiences of others, so that they don’t have to experience everything) are wise. People who know how to tame their ego are wise. People who are flexible/adaptable, non-materialistic, are self-aware, can be relied upon for great perspectives and insights, and are teachable are wise. The self-disciplined are wise. The patient are wise. The non-entitled are wise. Those who prioritize well are wise.
Those who do not live above their means (across the board), they are also wise. And there is no way that you can be wise without being willing to be completely honest, yes truthful with yourself about where you could stand to gain more wisdom and what must be done — and sometimes sacrificed — in order to get it.
And so, as I close this piece out, when it comes to spring cleaning your spirituality, ask yourself who and what encourages and enables you to become a wiser individual — AND who and what hinders that from transpiring. Then be honest with yourself about what is challenging you for the better and what, frankly, is only dumbing you down. Indeed, in order to live out the full potential of your spirituality, wisdom must come into play. However, it’s important to keep in mind that, for wisdom to truly flourish, it is a conscious choice — a daily decision.
And it will never come so long as you are making up excuses, justifying poor behavior (check out “Accountability Time: Let's Stop Calling It A 'Mistake' When It Was A 'Choice'”) or lying to yourself about what needs to be done. Taking those approaches to life is literally the opposite of being wise.
A French priest by the name of Pierre Teilhard de Chardin once said, “We are not human beings having a spiritual experience. We are spiritual beings having a human experience.” I can only imagine how much the quality of our lives would improve if we took that in on a very serious level.
The good news is you can choose to do it — right here and right now.
See yourself as a spiritual being.
Clean/cleanse whatever hinders that reality.
And watch how you begin to soar, supernaturally, by design, because of it, sis.
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