12 Vagina Hacks That You (And Your Vagina) Will Love
Something that really is a trip to me is, back when I was putting my va-jay-jay to all sorts of use (check out "14 Lessons I've Learned From 14 Sex Partners"), other than the orgasms I was trying to have, I didn't really give my nether regions much thought. Now that January 9 puts me at (lawd!) 14 years of abstinence, I must say that I'm more attentive to my vagina than I've ever been.
I think a big part of the reason is because the time apart from sex has taught me that it isn't just a sexual organ or the part of the body where children are birthed. It is a part of what makes me a woman and I adore being that. That's why I'm all about sharing as much info as I can about ways that all of us can take better care of our vaginas. If you're constantly looking for some tips on this area, I've actually got 12 for you today.
1. Download a Vagina App
Back when I used to mentor teen girls on the topic of sex, whenever they would ask me why they seemed to be more focused on wanting sex at a particular time of the month, I let them know that it was because they were ovulating. Whew, the body (and the Creator of it) is something else that it is so intricate as to make us hornier during the time when we are most able to conceive. Ovulation also changes our discharge and can sometimes make us wetter and more sensitive as far as our genitalia is concerned. Then there's PMS and our period. Our bodies tend to go through all kinds of changes then too. That's why I think it can be helpful to download a vagina app. If you're able to keep up with what is going on, as it relates to "her", you can better prepare so that you and your vagina can feel more confident. A popular app is Clue. You can read more about it here.
2. Eat More Probiotics
"Probiotic" is a word that comes up a lot in the health-conscious world. It's basically microorganisms that help your body to maintain a level of good bacteria; especially in your gut (where 80 percent of your immune system resides). By consuming fermented foods (or taking a probiotic supplement), your digestive system will be healthier; your heart will be stronger; if you have allergies or eczema, you'll probably notice less symptoms (after about a month or so); your moods will be lighter, and your vagina will be in better shape too.
A big part of the reason why probiotics are good when it comes to your vagina specifically is it helps to keep the bad bacteria in your vagina from overtaking the good. As a bonus, it can help your vagina to maintain its pH balance (4.0-4.5) as well. So, definitely eat things like Greek yogurt, cheese, pickles, sourdough bread, miso and green olives. Oh, and if you'd prefer to take a supplement, you can see a list of some of the best probiotics for women (according to The Healthy) here.
3. Eat Less “Sweaty Foods”
A topic that may not get discussed a lot yet, at the same time, is a reality for many women is a sweaty vagina. It's what happens when you're not really doing anything strenuous yet there still seems to be a lot of moisture down below. While it is certainly nothing to be embarrassed (or even overly concerned) about, the reason why you should be intentional about avoiding it is too much moisture in your genital region can lead to a yeast infection, if you're not careful.
One way to reduce your chances of sweating so much is to consume less foods that trigger perspiration. Some of those include spicy foods; hot peppers (both of these contain the compound capsaicin which heats up your system); carbs (your body has to work harder to break the sugar down); caffeine (it triggers your sweat glands); salty foods (salt increases your body's need to get rid of urine and sweat), and fast food (processed foods make your system go into overdrive to remove excess fat).
4. Drink Some Echinacea Tea
Personally, I'm an herbal tea fan. If you can totally relate, do you have some echinacea tea in your stash? If not, you should definitely consider getting some. Echinacea tea not only helps to boost your immunity, it's also great when it comes to helping to heal your joints; reducing anxiety-related symptoms; decreasing pain that causes headaches as well as toothaches; calming your stomach; lessening the symptoms related to eczema and psoriasis and yep—it's good for your vaginal health too. That's because the properties in this particular kind of tea are awesome if you're looking for an all-natural way to treat yeast infections or urinary tract infections (UTIs). Just make sure to use honey instead of sugar and only a little bit of it. In order to get the most out of herbal teas, they need to steep for 20 minutes and have as little sweetener in them as possible. Otherwise, you're preventing the herbs from being their most potent.
5. Pat Dry Your Vulva
I'm thinking that you already know it's a good idea to not use perfumed soaps or any kind of body wash that has a lot of chemicals in it (check out "Love On Yourself With These 7 All-Natural DIY Vaginal Washes" and "Are You Washing Your Vagina Correctly? You Sure?"); they will only irritate your vagina and vulva (the part of your vagina that you can actually see; the part that includes and surrounds your clitoris). However, once you're getting out of the bathtub, avoid rubbing the mess out of that area of your body with your towel too. Your skin down there is pretty fragile, so gently patting it dry is all that's necessary. Oh, and if your vulva is irritated, nix the towel altogether and set your blow drying on a low cool setting. That can help to soothe that area while removing excess moisture at the same time.
6. Prep Your Pubic Hair Before Shaving
All things have trends; including pubic hair (check out "Yep. Pubic Hair Has Trends (And Specific Needs) Too."). That said, no matter how you prefer your hair to be down there, if you're prone to getting those irritating looking (and feeling ingrown) hair bumps, it's probably because you're either using a dirty or dull razor or you're not properly prepping that area of your body. As far as prepping goes, simply dampen your pubic region and then use a loofah or exfoliating sponge to remove any dead skin cells. Or, if you prefer, you can apply a brown sugar scrub and gently massage that space for five minutes. Then after rinsing and shaving (towards the grain, not against it), put some witch hazel on a cotton ball and dab the area. It will help to heal any nicks and also shrink your pores which can make ingrown hairs less of an issue in the long run.
7. Use Organic Pads and Tampons
When I was growing up, I wasn't allowed to wear tampons. My mom said, "That waste is meant to flow out." When I got to college, I took the "I'm grown approach" and started using them and, I must be honest—I had more "vagina issues" with tampons than I ever did with pads. These days, I'm rocking hard with a menstrual cup but if you are team tampon or team pads, just make sure to go with an organic brand. Not only are they made without any chemicals (which can ultimately mean less health risks and even lighter periods if you're using a tampon), they are better for the environment as well because they are fully biodegradable. If you're not sure which brands to go with, Greatist did a feature entitled, "12 Best Organic Pads Your Vag Will Thank You For" and The Good Trade published, "7 Top Reviewed Natural & Organic Tampon Brands" to help you figure out what is best for you.
8. Take Your Vagina (Panty) Shopping
Whether you deal with a sweaty va-jay-jay or not, your natural vaginal discharge and daily activities like working out can still cause your genital region to get pretty moist which can ultimately trigger infections. For these reasons, it's super important to wear organic cotton panties as much as possible. They are a breathable fabric. They contain no chemicals that will irritate your vulva or vagina. They reduce bacterial growth. They are typically more comfortable. They are better for the environment.
Speaking of working out, if you're looking for some panties that will absorb moisture, almost immediately, go with some sweat-wicking ones. Not only are they great at zapping wetness, they can also absorb odor and regulate your body temperature better than "regular drawers" will. Women's Health Mag has a list of sweat-wicking suggestions here. While we're on this topic, it's best to cop some new panties even six months or so. You can read about why by checking out "When Should You Replace Underwear, Make-Up, Bedding, Washcloths & Towels?".
9. Get Up Close and Personal
I honestly can't tell you how many women have told me that they have never looked at their vagina before. To make matters worse, their faces turn up when they say it. Y'all, just like a plant flourishes more when its owner gives it attention beyond simply watering it, the same thing applies to your vagina. That's why I'm a huge fan of practices like vagina mapping (check out "Why 'Vaginal Mapping' Needs To Be Part Of Your Healing Journey") and vaginal self-exams (check out "Why You Should Give Yourself A 'Vaginal Self-Exam'"). When it comes to increasing your body image, being more comfortable during your doctor visits and also having better sexual experiences, getting clique tight with your vagina—including your vulva and your clitoris and clitoral hood—it's something that you will never regret doing.
10. Consume More Vitamin C
The reason why it's a good idea to consume a daily amount of Vitamin C is because it's an antioxidant that helps to keep your immune system healthy and strong. Some of its other health benefits are it can keep your blood pressure balanced, help to keep you from being iron deficient, is necessary for your system to produce collagen and, Vitamin C fights off free radicals too. The reason why your vagina needs this nutrient is because it can raise the acidic levels in your genitalia region and fight off bacterial overgrowth. You can always take a Vitamin C supplement, or you can consume foods that are high in it. Some of those foods include citrus fruits, berries, chili peppers, thyme, parsley, kale, broccoli, kiwi, tomatoes and potatoes.
11. Try a Vaginal Gel
Something that took me a long time to learn (yet I'm glad I finally did) is how maintaining the pH level of my vagina is what can help to keep infections at bay. Because things like antibiotics, our menstrual cycle, douching (please don't do that), semen and even stress can cause it to be imbalanced, it's important to keep in mind that a healthy pH is 4-4.5 (if you're pre-menopausal) and 4.5 (if you're menopausal or post menopause). If it feels like your vagina is slightly irritated, smells a little fishy or your discharge has shifted in color (from white or off-white), you might want to take an at-home pH test to see what your levels are. If they are high, it's best to make an appointment with your physician as soon as possible. If they are pretty much in their normal range, something like a vaginal gel may help to get things back on track. A popular brand worth looking into is RepHresh Vaginal Gel. It's gynecologist-recommended and can help to relieve minor symptoms within a couple of days.
12. DE-STRESS
Stress affects everything about us. EVERYTHING. That's why I wrote, "Ever Wonder If Your Vagina Is Stressed TF Out?". The (sad) reality is some of us have such a high threshold for stress that we don't even get that when our vagina isn't feeling quite right, it simply could be telling us to slow down and chill TF out. Taking some things off of your to-do list. Going for a walk outside. Turning in a couple of hours early (and sleeping naked when you do). Having more sex. Detoxing your system. Getting a massage. Simple things like this can cause your cortisol (your natural stress hormone) levels to drop and your vagina to feel like its old self again.
I'm always learning more and more about the vagina, so don't be surprised if I roll up with some more to say sooner than later. For now, though, try and add some of these things to your daily routine (if you're not doing so already). Your vagina will love you for it—and you'll feel so much better because it does.
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Different puzzle pieces are creating bigger pictures these days. 2024 will mark a milestone on a few different levels, including the release of my third book next June (yay!).
I am also a Professional Certified Coach. My main mission for attaining that particular goal is to use my formal credentials to help people navigate through the sometimes tumultuous waters, both on and offline, when it comes to information about marriage, sex and relationships that is oftentimes misinformation (because "coach" is a word that gets thrown around a lot, oftentimes quite poorly).
I am also still super devoted to helping to bring life into this world as a doula, marriage life coaching will always be my first love (next to writing, of course), a platform that advocates for good Black men is currently in the works and my keystrokes continue to be devoted to HEALTHY over HAPPY in the areas of holistic intimacy, spiritual evolution, purpose manifestation and self-love...because maturity teaches that it's impossible to be happy all of the time when it comes to reaching goals yet healthy is a choice that can be made on a daily basis (amen?).
If you have any PERSONAL QUESTIONS (please do not contact me with any story pitches; that is an *editorial* need), feel free to reach out at missnosipho@gmail.com. A sistah will certainly do what she can. ;)
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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Do You Want To Be A Wife? Or Do You Just Want To Have A Wedding?
Even though it’s my life, sometimes I look at it and totally trip out over certain things.
For instance, even though I am aware that both Hebrew and African cultures put a lot of stock in the name of a child (because they believe it speaks to their purpose; so do I) and I know that my name is pretty much Hebrew for divine covenant, it’s still wild that in a couple of years, I will have been working with married couples for a whopping two decades — and boy, is it an honor when they will say something like, “Shellie, we’ve seen [professionally] multiple people and no one has been nearly as effective as you have been.”
Yep, me. Little ole’ never-been-married-before me. Yeah, y’all better quit letting people tell you what you’re called to do in this world. That is between you and the One who made you.
Okay, but let me stay on track. When it comes to the engaged couples specifically, who have crossed my path, something that I believe I’ve said to each and every one of them (especially the bride-to-be) is — “You better enjoy every single minute of your wedding day because you deserve a big ‘ole party for all of the work that you’re about to do.” And then I look at the woman as intensely as I can and say, “And you? Remember, you are a bride for a day. You are a wife for the rest of your life.”
Why do I emphasize that point so much? It’s because those two things are not one and the same. Hmph. Let me tell it, a huge reason why 70 percent of divorces are initiated by women, however, is because a lot of them think that it is. And so, in the effort to do my part to help make marriages last longer and cause the divorce rate to go down, I think it’s important for more women to ponder if they really want to be a wife — or if they just want to throw a big party (a wedding), go on a trip (a honeymoon) and not much more than that.
Buckle in. This one might be a bit of a ride (for some, at least).
It’s Time to Stop “Living for the Fairy Tale”
GiphyIf you’ve been reading my content for a while (and if so, thank you), it will not shock you in the least that I’ve spent many years studying the origins of things as they directly relate to marriage. I know that the engagement ring is not about love but about a jewelry company that was about to go bust. So, they came up with the slogan “A diamond is forever” and then made some serious bank from it (you can read about that here).
I know that white wedding dresses have nothing to do with purity and virtue; in fact, women in the Bible often wore lots of bright colors during their more-than-one-day wedding celebrations. Actually, white comes from Queen Victoria making it famous back in the 1840s. I also know that a lot of people were pretty obsessed with evil spirits back in the day because things like wearing a wedding veil and bridesmaids wearing the same dresses were all about hiding from said spirits. Another pretty popular wedding day tradition? Well, I’ll just let you read Insider’s “Here's the horrifying truth about why grooms carry brides across the threshold,” if you’re interested.
And as far as marriage goes, don’t even get me started on the whole “I’m living for the fairy tale” narrative that gets pushed incessantly. I’ve said in other articles before that "fairy tale" literally means “a story, usually for children, about elves, hobgoblins, dragons, fairies, or other magical creatures” and “an incredible or misleading statement, account, or belief.” Who wants to live for childish stories that are incredibly misleading? And the ones that have a character like Prince Charming in it? The Bible literally says that “charm is deceitful” (Proverbs 31:30).
Know what else the Bible says? It states that death and life are in the power of the tongue (Proverbs 18:21). So, what’s up with all of this wedding/marriage rhetoric that’s so popular and also, so… “silly” is the first word that comes to mind, “unrealistic” is the second and “unnecessary” is the third?
Why are there so many expectations, especially when it comes to the wedding day, that push folks to the point where a whopping 49 percent of couples end up going into debt right after jumping the broom — all because they wanted to live for the fairy tale and throw a big party that they basically couldn’t afford? SMDH.
It really is wild, just how much human nature tends to do things without even really knowing WHY it does it — even when it comes to marriage. And so, if you are someone who desires this type of union, be honest with yourself: what is your “why”?
When it comes to becoming a wife someday, WHY do you want to do that?
A man needing to spend three times his salary on an engagement ring, WHY?
When it comes to having a big traditional wedding, WHY is it necessary?
Marriage is a goal for you (and don’t get me wrong, marriage is a beautiful thing) — WHY is that the case?
When it comes to being married, WHY do you think it will better serve you than your single state?
Motivational speaker Eric Thomas once said, “When you find your ‘why’, you will find a way to make it happen.” And when it comes to something as big (and supposed to be lifetime lasting) as marriage, perhaps a big part of the reason WHY so many of them do not go the distance is because there aren’t enough “why” questions, on the front end, that are asked (which is why you should partake in premarital counseling before your wedding day). Oh, but there should be.
Because saying “why” you want a huge wedding is nothing more than “because I want to” or “why” you chose the man that you did is simply “I love him” — I’ve been doing this couples work thing long enough to assure you that those answers simply aren’t good enough. You need to know what it means to be a wife and why a marriage and a wedding are not the same thing…not by the longest country mile that you can imagine.
What It Means to Be a Wife
GiphyIf you’ve been reading my content for a while now, you know that I’m good for throwing some Scripture in; it’s a part of my foundation and I make no apologies for it. And so, when it comes to what it means to be a wife, the first word that’s used to define it in the Bible is “helpmate” (Genesis 2:18). A helpmate is a companion, a helper and someone who assists another individual — in this case, a husband.
While we’re here, a helper is not helping unless the help is actually needed and it’s good. Lawd, I can’t tell you how many wife clients I’ve had who have totally missed that part. So, what does “good help” look like?
- A good helper ASKS the person they are assisting what they need.
- A good helper does not try to control another person or make them do what they want.
- A good helper gets that needs can shift based on what is transpiring at any given time.
- A good helper makes things easier and less stressful.
- A good helper learns how to master good listening, effective communication, and wise timing.
And yes, in many ways, this is what it means to be a good wife. So, if you are someone who desires marriage, when it comes to what is required to be not just a wife but a GOOD WIFE, how much have you factored helping your man into the dynamic?
Not mothering him. Not bossing him around. Not trying to manipulate him into being a version of a husband that you would prefer. No, how much thought have you put into “Am I equipped to help another person be their best self? Am I ready to be supportive, encouraging, and nurturing? Was it even modeled to me, while growing up, to know what a proper helpmate looks like? Have I realized how much sacrifice goes into that type of role? Am I even selfless enough to be a consistent helper?”
I know this is probably gonna ruffle some feathers yet, you know something that I’m not big on? Women saying that their man should give them the “princess treatment.” Every time I hear that, the first thought that comes to my mind is “Fathers make their daughters princesses while men make their wives a queen” — and little girls are treated differently than grown women. And to that, Proverbs 12:4(NKJV) says, “An excellent wife is the crown of her husband, but she who causes shame is like rottenness in his bones.”
My point? There is a MATURITY that is to come from going from princess to queen. A queen does have more privileges, yet, at the same time, she also has way more responsibility. It’s not about sitting around and being catered to all day long. Queens have work to do — and it’s not always comfortable or pretty. Same thing goes for being a wife.
Y’all, I could go on and on (and on and on and on) about what it means to be a wife in a marriage. For now, I’ll just end this part of the article with, “If you’re not ready to help, each and every day of your relationship, you’re not ready to be a wife.” Plain and simple.
Weddings Are Not Marriages (and Vice Versa)
GiphySo, why do so many people jump brooms (I’m writing this with Black folks in mind first; jumping brooms is for us only), only to turn around and get divorced a few years later? Oh, I could go on and on as well about how a lot of people don’t have much integrity when it comes to the promises that they make. Listen singles, when you’re dating someone, pay very close attention to whether the person you’re seeing keeps their word — and if you do the same.
It makes absolutely no sense to keep letting someone slide when it comes to reneging now, only to act shocked when they do the same thing after saying “I do.” And while we’re here, being a man or woman of your word is a character issue. Maybe folks are not strong in character when it comes to this.
Yet another reason why folks will get all dolled up, stand before God, family, and friends, look someone straight in the eye, and promise to never leave, only to do just that, is because many people honestly don’t see past their wedding (and maybe their newlywed years). That is why you will hear so many people describe their perfect wedding day, down to the last detail, and yet, if you ask what their five-year plan for their marriage is, they have absolutely not one clue.
I mean, I get it — to a certain extent. A wedding is a big party where you get to dress to the nines, have people come to celebrate you and you get to have everything go your way — down to the font on the programs and reception napkins. Oh, but what a “trick” that can be if you think that your marriage is going to move like that, all of the time, moving forward. I liken it to The Bachelor franchise. Who wouldn’t feel like they are falling for someone when they’re able to live in a mansion with no bills, have fantasy dates that cost thousands of dollars, and a big ole’ rock that a famed jeweler donates?
Meanwhile, folks should watchUnREAL (the television series from several years back where some former producers of the franchise talk about what really happens behind the scenes) to get a reality check. To a certain extent, the same thing goes for marriage: while weddings produce this belief that marriage will be one big party where everyone focuses on you and everything goes your way, that isn’t even close to being the reality of being married.
Honestly, the real deal is 1) if you don’t want to learn how to love on a supernatural level; 2) if you don’t want your strengths to be refined and your weaknesses to be challenged; 3) if you don’t want to be held accountable in ways that you would never be if you remained single; 4) if you don’t want to compromise on a daily basis and, 5) if you don’t want to be challenged to become a truly selfless individual — marriage isn’t for you.
You’d be far better off just throwing a big ass party for yourself, just because (and no, I don’t mean marry yourself; you are already “one” with you; no need for that), and call it a day. Spare yourself and another person the heartache of divorce because…divorce is A LOT to go through.
Lawd, I can only imagine how much drama could be spared if folks simply took into their spirit that weddings ARE NOT marriages and marriages ARE NOT weddings. Weddings are a party to celebrate your union — yet your union? That requires daily energy, effort, and time. It’s not a party. It’s a relationship. BIG DIFFERENCE.
Please Don’t Get Married Until You’re Sure That You Want…BOTH
GiphyAnd this is why, whenever someone tells me that they are going to get married, I don’t immediately respond with, “Congrats! That’s awesome.” NOPE. The very first thing that comes out of my mouth is something along the lines of, “For real. Why?” WHY? Because, it never fails that, about 7.5 times outta 10, folks will be caught off guard and say, “What do you mean ‘why’?” and then follow that up with, “Because I’m in love” or…they don’t really know what to say at all.
Is being in love a good answer? I mean, it explains why you picked the person that you did; it doesn’t really explain why you are choosing to commit to them for the rest of your life, on a marital level, though. Are you getting married because you know that the two of you will make each other better people? Are you getting married because you want to raise your children in a two-parent dynamic? Are you getting married for biblical reasons like wanting to love like Christ loves his bride (the Church and the Church sent him through A LOT — Ephesians 5)?
Are you getting married because you think you’ve gone as far as you can in your evolution as an individual without the assistance of another? Are you getting married because you want to serve another person as they do the same for you (perhaps not in the same ways because you’re both different people)?
Is that asking the most? Chile, that’s not asking enough. I don’t care how much people mock marriage in the media by changing partners like they change cars or homes. I don’t care how much divorce has been normalized. I don’t care how much folks like to act like a husband is a 2.0 boyfriend (it’s not) and having a wife is a 2.0 girlfriend (it’s not) — marriage is special, sacred, and needs to be honored as such. A wedding should be seen as a happy occasion where two people publicly acknowledge what I just said…not simply a time to get a lot of attention and presents only to come home and go from heaven to hell in six months.
And honestly, that’s a bit part of the reason why I do what I do: it’s because I actually think the covenant of marriage is SO MAGNIFICENT that I want to make sure that people know, as much as possible, what they are signing up for — not an endless wedding; a very real relationship that will challenge them and mature them like nothing else ever will in this lifetime.
____
This was a lot. I already know. Still, it beats spending thousands of dollars on a wedding to stand before a chaplain only to spend thousands of more dollars several years later on a divorce lawyer and therapy while standing before a judge.
Weddings are awesome; you’ll get no argument from me there. Still, I think if I was to narrow all of this down into one statement, it would simply be this: “When it comes to marriage, if the thought of being a wife doesn’t excite you more than being a bride — wait. You’re not ready yet.”
Thank me later, sis. YOU WILL.
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