

12 Vagina Hacks That You (And Your Vagina) Will Love
Something that really is a trip to me is, back when I was putting my va-jay-jay to all sorts of use (check out "14 Lessons I've Learned From 14 Sex Partners"), other than the orgasms I was trying to have, I didn't really give my nether regions much thought. Now that January 9 puts me at (lawd!) 14 years of abstinence, I must say that I'm more attentive to my vagina than I've ever been.
I think a big part of the reason is because the time apart from sex has taught me that it isn't just a sexual organ or the part of the body where children are birthed. It is a part of what makes me a woman and I adore being that. That's why I'm all about sharing as much info as I can about ways that all of us can take better care of our vaginas. If you're constantly looking for some tips on this area, I've actually got 12 for you today.
1. Download a Vagina App
Back when I used to mentor teen girls on the topic of sex, whenever they would ask me why they seemed to be more focused on wanting sex at a particular time of the month, I let them know that it was because they were ovulating. Whew, the body (and the Creator of it) is something else that it is so intricate as to make us hornier during the time when we are most able to conceive. Ovulation also changes our discharge and can sometimes make us wetter and more sensitive as far as our genitalia is concerned. Then there's PMS and our period. Our bodies tend to go through all kinds of changes then too. That's why I think it can be helpful to download a vagina app. If you're able to keep up with what is going on, as it relates to "her", you can better prepare so that you and your vagina can feel more confident. A popular app is Clue. You can read more about it here.
2. Eat More Probiotics
"Probiotic" is a word that comes up a lot in the health-conscious world. It's basically microorganisms that help your body to maintain a level of good bacteria; especially in your gut (where 80 percent of your immune system resides). By consuming fermented foods (or taking a probiotic supplement), your digestive system will be healthier; your heart will be stronger; if you have allergies or eczema, you'll probably notice less symptoms (after about a month or so); your moods will be lighter, and your vagina will be in better shape too.
A big part of the reason why probiotics are good when it comes to your vagina specifically is it helps to keep the bad bacteria in your vagina from overtaking the good. As a bonus, it can help your vagina to maintain its pH balance (4.0-4.5) as well. So, definitely eat things like Greek yogurt, cheese, pickles, sourdough bread, miso and green olives. Oh, and if you'd prefer to take a supplement, you can see a list of some of the best probiotics for women (according to The Healthy) here.
3. Eat Less “Sweaty Foods”
A topic that may not get discussed a lot yet, at the same time, is a reality for many women is a sweaty vagina. It's what happens when you're not really doing anything strenuous yet there still seems to be a lot of moisture down below. While it is certainly nothing to be embarrassed (or even overly concerned) about, the reason why you should be intentional about avoiding it is too much moisture in your genital region can lead to a yeast infection, if you're not careful.
One way to reduce your chances of sweating so much is to consume less foods that trigger perspiration. Some of those include spicy foods; hot peppers (both of these contain the compound capsaicin which heats up your system); carbs (your body has to work harder to break the sugar down); caffeine (it triggers your sweat glands); salty foods (salt increases your body's need to get rid of urine and sweat), and fast food (processed foods make your system go into overdrive to remove excess fat).
4. Drink Some Echinacea Tea
Personally, I'm an herbal tea fan. If you can totally relate, do you have some echinacea tea in your stash? If not, you should definitely consider getting some. Echinacea tea not only helps to boost your immunity, it's also great when it comes to helping to heal your joints; reducing anxiety-related symptoms; decreasing pain that causes headaches as well as toothaches; calming your stomach; lessening the symptoms related to eczema and psoriasis and yep—it's good for your vaginal health too. That's because the properties in this particular kind of tea are awesome if you're looking for an all-natural way to treat yeast infections or urinary tract infections (UTIs). Just make sure to use honey instead of sugar and only a little bit of it. In order to get the most out of herbal teas, they need to steep for 20 minutes and have as little sweetener in them as possible. Otherwise, you're preventing the herbs from being their most potent.
5. Pat Dry Your Vulva
I'm thinking that you already know it's a good idea to not use perfumed soaps or any kind of body wash that has a lot of chemicals in it (check out "Love On Yourself With These 7 All-Natural DIY Vaginal Washes" and "Are You Washing Your Vagina Correctly? You Sure?"); they will only irritate your vagina and vulva (the part of your vagina that you can actually see; the part that includes and surrounds your clitoris). However, once you're getting out of the bathtub, avoid rubbing the mess out of that area of your body with your towel too. Your skin down there is pretty fragile, so gently patting it dry is all that's necessary. Oh, and if your vulva is irritated, nix the towel altogether and set your blow drying on a low cool setting. That can help to soothe that area while removing excess moisture at the same time.
6. Prep Your Pubic Hair Before Shaving
All things have trends; including pubic hair (check out "Yep. Pubic Hair Has Trends (And Specific Needs) Too."). That said, no matter how you prefer your hair to be down there, if you're prone to getting those irritating looking (and feeling ingrown) hair bumps, it's probably because you're either using a dirty or dull razor or you're not properly prepping that area of your body. As far as prepping goes, simply dampen your pubic region and then use a loofah or exfoliating sponge to remove any dead skin cells. Or, if you prefer, you can apply a brown sugar scrub and gently massage that space for five minutes. Then after rinsing and shaving (towards the grain, not against it), put some witch hazel on a cotton ball and dab the area. It will help to heal any nicks and also shrink your pores which can make ingrown hairs less of an issue in the long run.
7. Use Organic Pads and Tampons
When I was growing up, I wasn't allowed to wear tampons. My mom said, "That waste is meant to flow out." When I got to college, I took the "I'm grown approach" and started using them and, I must be honest—I had more "vagina issues" with tampons than I ever did with pads. These days, I'm rocking hard with a menstrual cup but if you are team tampon or team pads, just make sure to go with an organic brand. Not only are they made without any chemicals (which can ultimately mean less health risks and even lighter periods if you're using a tampon), they are better for the environment as well because they are fully biodegradable. If you're not sure which brands to go with, Greatist did a feature entitled, "12 Best Organic Pads Your Vag Will Thank You For" and The Good Trade published, "7 Top Reviewed Natural & Organic Tampon Brands" to help you figure out what is best for you.
8. Take Your Vagina (Panty) Shopping
Whether you deal with a sweaty va-jay-jay or not, your natural vaginal discharge and daily activities like working out can still cause your genital region to get pretty moist which can ultimately trigger infections. For these reasons, it's super important to wear organic cotton panties as much as possible. They are a breathable fabric. They contain no chemicals that will irritate your vulva or vagina. They reduce bacterial growth. They are typically more comfortable. They are better for the environment.
Speaking of working out, if you're looking for some panties that will absorb moisture, almost immediately, go with some sweat-wicking ones. Not only are they great at zapping wetness, they can also absorb odor and regulate your body temperature better than "regular drawers" will. Women's Health Mag has a list of sweat-wicking suggestions here. While we're on this topic, it's best to cop some new panties even six months or so. You can read about why by checking out "When Should You Replace Underwear, Make-Up, Bedding, Washcloths & Towels?".
9. Get Up Close and Personal
I honestly can't tell you how many women have told me that they have never looked at their vagina before. To make matters worse, their faces turn up when they say it. Y'all, just like a plant flourishes more when its owner gives it attention beyond simply watering it, the same thing applies to your vagina. That's why I'm a huge fan of practices like vagina mapping (check out "Why 'Vaginal Mapping' Needs To Be Part Of Your Healing Journey") and vaginal self-exams (check out "Why You Should Give Yourself A 'Vaginal Self-Exam'"). When it comes to increasing your body image, being more comfortable during your doctor visits and also having better sexual experiences, getting clique tight with your vagina—including your vulva and your clitoris and clitoral hood—it's something that you will never regret doing.
10. Consume More Vitamin C
The reason why it's a good idea to consume a daily amount of Vitamin C is because it's an antioxidant that helps to keep your immune system healthy and strong. Some of its other health benefits are it can keep your blood pressure balanced, help to keep you from being iron deficient, is necessary for your system to produce collagen and, Vitamin C fights off free radicals too. The reason why your vagina needs this nutrient is because it can raise the acidic levels in your genitalia region and fight off bacterial overgrowth. You can always take a Vitamin C supplement, or you can consume foods that are high in it. Some of those foods include citrus fruits, berries, chili peppers, thyme, parsley, kale, broccoli, kiwi, tomatoes and potatoes.
11. Try a Vaginal Gel
Something that took me a long time to learn (yet I'm glad I finally did) is how maintaining the pH level of my vagina is what can help to keep infections at bay. Because things like antibiotics, our menstrual cycle, douching (please don't do that), semen and even stress can cause it to be imbalanced, it's important to keep in mind that a healthy pH is 4-4.5 (if you're pre-menopausal) and 4.5 (if you're menopausal or post menopause). If it feels like your vagina is slightly irritated, smells a little fishy or your discharge has shifted in color (from white or off-white), you might want to take an at-home pH test to see what your levels are. If they are high, it's best to make an appointment with your physician as soon as possible. If they are pretty much in their normal range, something like a vaginal gel may help to get things back on track. A popular brand worth looking into is RepHresh Vaginal Gel. It's gynecologist-recommended and can help to relieve minor symptoms within a couple of days.
12. DE-STRESS
Stress affects everything about us. EVERYTHING. That's why I wrote, "Ever Wonder If Your Vagina Is Stressed TF Out?". The (sad) reality is some of us have such a high threshold for stress that we don't even get that when our vagina isn't feeling quite right, it simply could be telling us to slow down and chill TF out. Taking some things off of your to-do list. Going for a walk outside. Turning in a couple of hours early (and sleeping naked when you do). Having more sex. Detoxing your system. Getting a massage. Simple things like this can cause your cortisol (your natural stress hormone) levels to drop and your vagina to feel like its old self again.
I'm always learning more and more about the vagina, so don't be surprised if I roll up with some more to say sooner than later. For now, though, try and add some of these things to your daily routine (if you're not doing so already). Your vagina will love you for it—and you'll feel so much better because it does.
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After being a regular contributor for about four years and being (eh hem) MIA in 2022, Shellie is back penning for the platform (did you miss her? LOL).
In some ways, nothing has changed and in others, everything has. For now, she'll just say that she's working on the 20th anniversary edition of her first book, she's in school to take life coaching to another level and she's putting together a platform that supports and encourages Black men because she loves them from head to toe.
Other than that, she still works with couples, she's still a doula, she's still not on social media and her email contact (missnosipho@gmail.com) still hasn't changed (neither has her request to contact her ONLY for personal reasons; pitch to the platform if you have story ideas).
Life is a funny thing but if you stay calm, moments can come full circle and this is one of them. No doubt about it.
Black women are not a monolith. We all are deserving of healing and wholeness despite what we've been through, how much money we have in the bank, or what we look like. Most importantly, we are enough—even when we are not working, earning, or serving.
Welcome to Black Girl Whole, your space to find the wellness routine that aligns with you! This brand-new marketplace by xoNecole is a safe space for Black women to activate their healing, find the inspiration to rest, and receive reassurance that we are one small act away from finding our happiness.
Want to discover where you are on your wellness journey? You don't have to look far. In partnership with European Wax Center, we're bringing you a customized wellness quiz to help you up your wellness game. Answer our short series of questions to figure out which type of wellness lover you are, what you need to bring more balance into your life, and then go deeper by shopping products geared towards clearing your mind, healing your body, and soothing your spirit.
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Here's Why Very Few Relationships Can Actually Be 'Platonic'
Recently, while in an interview, someone asked me if I think that men and women can be just friends. I didn’t even hesitate to answer; my response was immediate, “Absolutely.” What I followed that up with is what intrigued them — “Life has taught me that not a lot of male/female dynamics are ‘platonic,’ though.” When they asked me to expound, the interview ended up taking a whole ‘nother turn.
As a writer who really pays attention to word meanings, something that can be a bit frustrating about our culture is the fact that based on whatever is popular at the time, folks will just up and change the original definitions of words to suit a particular agenda or whim — and the word “platonic” 1000 percent fits into this category. And perhaps that’s why we seem to continue to go in circles about whether or not people of the opposite sex can (and should) be friends and what that even can (and should) look like.
Let’s talk about it for a bit. Because as a word-literal type of individual, while again, I absolutely believe that men and women can be friends, at the same time, I think it’s about as rare as a red diamond to truly find yourself in a friendship that is…platonic.
It’s Time (More) Folks Knew What ‘Platonic’ LITERALLY Means

So, let's do first things first — let's define what it literally means for something to be platonic. If you go to your favorite search engine and put something along the lines of "What does platonic mean?", the first thing that you're (probably) going to see is a ton of dictionary definitions that say something along the lines of "of, relating to, or being a relationship marked by the absence of romance or sex" (Merriam-Webster), "designating or of a relationship, or love, between a man and a woman that is purely spiritual or intellectual and without sexual activity" (Your Dictionary) and, my personal favorite, "purely spiritual; free from sensual desire, especially in a relationship between two persons of different sexes" (Dictionary). Yeah, bookmark that last one; I'll be circling back.
Keeping this in mind (and please do), where does the word "platonic" actually come from? From what I've researched, the philosopher Plato once penned something entitled "Symposium." In it, he addressed the topic of two people sharing the kind of love that is free of any type of sensual desire, one that is based on divine love alone. An author from the 1800s broke it down this way: "Platonic love meant ideal sympathy; it now means the love of a sentimental young gentleman for a woman he cannot or will not marry." A write-up on Merriam-Webster's site stated that "The term platonic was initially used to mock non-sexual relationships, as it was considered ridiculous to separate love and sex, but eventually this connotation faded away leaving us with today's notion of close friendships." Yeah, we used to live in a culture where love and sex were not separated. Hmph, that's another article for another time, though (check out "We Should Really Rethink The Term' Casual Sex'").
Anyway, as with many things (especially in our culture), the word "platonic" is kind of used in "broad strokes" these days (bromances, female friendships, etc.). However, because there continues to be this forever discussion — and oftentimes debate — about whether or not men and women can be "just friends," I'm going to tackle this topic strictly from that angle — from the place where platonic actually originated.
You ready?
Yes, Men and Women Can Be Just Friends. But…

At this stage in my life, I'm pretty sure that I have more male friends than female ones. There are layers of reasons why, yet I think a huge one is because I like the balance that masculinity brings to my femininity (especially as I'm learning to embrace different aspects of my femininity, intentionally even more). And while every single one of my male friends is respectful and is a super safe space in my world on every single level that I can imagine (and have been for years now), there are probably only a couple who I would say 100 percent qualify as being…trulyplatonic.
Why would I say that? Well, I'll illustrate this point with something that one of my male friends once said to me. He's super cute. He can sing his ass off (and definitely has one of my favorite speaking voices). People see us out together often, and some have told us that they assume that we've had something going on at some point. Anyway, after hearing someone share their theory about us, I told it to him.
Me: "I told him, 'He's my brother. We would never mess around.'"
My Friend: "Correction, you are like a sister. You are not my sister, though. Under the right conditions, you could still get it."
When I shared that exchange with another male friend of mine, he basically cosigned on the sentiment: "Shellie, I have never approached you like that because I really respect you. I want to be good for you for the rest of our lives." (That reminds me: check out "Question: Is The Man In Your Life Good 'TO' You? Good 'FOR' You? Or...Both?" when you get a chance.)
Then I went to one more guy homie and ran both statements by him: "Girl, yeah. If I didn't want to keep you in my life long-term, I would've tried to holla a long time ago!" And he and I have been friends for almost 20 years at this point. When did he get around to telling me this? Eh, maybe two years ago. LOL.
So, my takeaway from all of these "for real?!" exchanges is even though men and women can be just friends, there is a certain level of intention, self-control, and ability to see into the future (on some level) that must go into account — because, just because something more-than-friends-like may not have gone down, that doesn't mean there isn't a "dormant seed" lying around somewhere…whether it's one-sided or on both sides of the friendship dynamic.
As you can see, I just provided you with three instances where the male friends in my life; we've had nothing sexual or even physically intimate beyond a hug when we greet each other in nature — although things aren't exactly platonic if there is some sort of attraction or sexual/romantic curiosity that simply never got explored. Because again, according to Plato, a platonic relationship is free from all of that kind of…tension — or possibilities. Zero. Nada. Zilch.
And now you probably get why I entitled this article in the way that I did…right? I mean, just think about it — out of your male friendships, where is there NO sensual desire or dormant romantic interest…on your side and/or on his? If you're not sure about "his"…have you ever asked him? Or them? Because again, once I really let the definition of platonic sink in, I think maybe two guys in my life totally fit the bill.
This brings me to my next point.
Are You Platonic? Or Are You Friend-Zoning?

Now that you know that probably 70 percent of the people you know (both online and off) have been using the true meaning of platonic all the way wrong, let’s go about deeper: when it comes to your friendships with men, are they genuinely platonic or…is it more like you’re friend-zoning them?
A few years ago, I penned an article on the topic entitled, “Before You 'Friend Zone' Someone, Read This.” If you’re skimming this on your lunch break, I’ll summarize friend-zoning as knowing that a guy has so-much-more-than-platonic feelings for you, yet because you basically want to keep the benefits of the friendship or even his emotions around, you will string him along on some level.
Personally, I can’t stand friend-zoning. I think it’s selfish, with some sprinkles of manipulation and wasting someone’s time. Don’t agree? How would you feel if a guy was friend-zoning you? (Yeah…exactly.)
This all needs to go on record because, knowing that a guy wants to “take it there” with you (whether sexually or romantically), you not full-on addressing it and/or giving him just enough hope to take you out, listen to all of your stories about other men and give you the attention that you need knowing that he doesn’t have a shot in hell — that is NOT a platonic friendship and honestly, you’re not being a good friend at all. Friends protect each other’s hearts, not abuse them.
A platonic friendship means that you both have no interest in each other, and, as Plato put it, while you may have a strong and solid bond, it’s spiritual love that connects you. And what exactly does that mean? Spiritual love also deserves its own article, yet the gist would be that you recognize there is a purpose in your friendship, yet it’s about wanting what’s best for one another and even helping each other to get there.
For instance, a platonic friend of yours may know that you desire to be married one day, so he has no problem setting you up with a good guy in his life. And if things go well, he would have no problem standing up as your own best man (without feeling like he’s dying inside) because he never saw you beyond anything but a friend. A guy in the friend zone doesn’t move like this; he likes you too much to help you move on with someone else. See the difference?
Why Relationships Should Start Off As NON-PLATONIC Friendships

Before I end this with some tips on how to properly care for the few platonic friendships you may actually have, since the use of the word may require a bit of mental reprogramming, I do think we should also address that if you've got a good guy in your life, who right now is a friend and either you've never thought of him in that way or the topic has never come up — he's someone that you may not want to brush off.
What I mean by that is, it's one thing for there to be absolutely no interest in someone vs. never considering it before — and the reason why you might want to give it some thought is because, ask any healthy married couple who's been together for more than five years and I'll bet you my next rent check that they will say that the best relationships are birthed out of friendship (check out "Are You Sure You're Actually FRIENDS With Your Spouse?").
Yeah, just because you've filed someone in the "I see him as a good guy" category, that doesn't automatically mean that y'all's friendship is platonic. For instance, I have a male friend who is fine and I adore on many levels, yet the reason why it would never work on my end is because there are certain relational standards that I have that he does not meet. However, don't get it twisted — I've considered him because, on so many levels, we "fit." So, the mere fact that I ever seriously thought about him on that level means that we are "good friends," yet it's not exactly platonic.
I'm not free of potential sensual desire…I just choose not to act on it. Yet because I get the value of having friendship as the foundation for my own future marriage (should life play out that way), I am wise enough to know that I would've been a fool to not at least…ponder him and the possibilities.
So yeah, if there is a male friend in your life that the thought of dating or having sex with him doesn't make you want to throw up in your mouth, there's a pretty good chance that it's not a classic platonic dynamic — and you might want to consider if it could/should go to the next level — if not immediately, eventually. Because there's a pretty good chance that if you are thinking that way, he probably is as well.
Protect Your Genuine Platonic Friendship(s) At All Costs

Let me end this with how one of my platonic friendships rolls. We both think that the other is attractive, yet neither of us is attracted. We both give each other opposite-sex insights. We both have said that the mere thought of dating each other makes our noses turn up like there’s an odor in the air. And even when I try to imagine us together, my mind goes blank. I love, love, LOVE this man — oh, but it is absolutely nothing more than platonic — and he feels the same way. It’s as close to familial love without being blood relationships. It’s a rare dynamic, and that is what makes it so special. There is definitely a spiritual type of love there; no more, no less.
If you’ve got someone in your life who you feel the same way about (again, it’s got to be mutual; he must feel that way, too), you’ve got a gem of a situation going on because there is nothing like having the kind of friendship where you and a guy can hang out, exchange perspectives and thoroughly enjoy each other’s company, knowing that’s all it is and will ever be. Things will never get weird. No one’s feelings are gonna get hurt (from the whole friend-zoning thing). You don’t have to walk on eggshells. You can just be.
And that’s why I’m all for platonic friendships. And listen, if you’re blessed enough to have even one in your lifetime, be fiercely protective of it. Don’t take it for granted. Nurture it in a way that your male friend needs (because it probably won’t be the exact same as your female friendships). Y’all, platonic friendships are so bomb because, if it’s honored and protected correctly, it’s the one male friend that you can probably keep for life because even your romantic partner will not find it to be a (true) threat — hell, they honestly could probably end up becoming (some level of) friends with your platonic homie as well.
______
I hope that I broke this all down enough to where, when you decide to use a word to describe your opposite-sex friendships, perhaps you will pause and ask yourself, “Wait, is this a platonic friend or a good or close friend?” Because the clearer you are on the differences, the easier it will be to know how to maintain your friendship — and feel about your friend. Feel me? Cool.
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