

Here's How To Care For Your Vagina AFTER Sex
Although I'm typically not a fan of phrases like "tear it up" or "beat it down" in references to sex, let's be real—when sex is good and longer than a couple of minutes, our vagina really does take a bit of a beating (in the best way possible, of course), doesn't it? All of that penetration, all of that friction, all of that moving around—especially if you and yours decide to go a few rounds—can totally wear "her" out. And, for most of us, instead of checking in to make sure that ole' girl is alright, we might do the first sexual-aftercare thing that's on this list that I'm about to share but then…we'll just roll over and…fall asleep.
Our vagina is good to us. That's why, we've got to be more intentional about being good to it in return (check out "What Your Vagina Wishes You Would Do More Often"). One way to do that is to offer up a little bit of TLC following sexual activity. These eight tips will totally show you how.
Pee After Sex
Even if you don't engage in anal sex, the reality is your rectum and your vagina are pretty darn close together and yes, bacteria from your backside can easily flow into your "frontside". Something that you can do to prevent that, umm, transference from turning into an all-out urinary tract infection (UTI) is to make sure that you pee right after you have sex; that way, your urine can wash that bacteria out. And what if you don't have to go at the moment? Things like turning on your faucet, washing your hands in cold water and—get this—getting a whiff of peppermint essential oil are all things that can trigger your bladder to cooperate with you.
Wash Your Hands After Sex
Hopefully, if you're gonna urinate right after sex, you're going to follow that up with washing your hands (…right?). But even if you decide not to pee, still make a point and practice to wash your hands anyway. If you want to read more about how sex and bacteria are so closely connected, there is a very detailed scientific definition here. For those who just want the Cliff's Notes, chances are, there was also some bacteria on your hands before you even started having sex and then, when the "juices got to flowing", there's an abundance more. If you don't want to spread bacteria even further, especially to your vaginal region, washing your hands can stop it in its tracks. Regular soap is fine. Just make sure that you lather up well, that you get in between your fingers, and that you do this for no less than 20-30 seconds. If you follow these tips, you should be all good.
Take a Bath After Sex
If the sex was so good that it totally wore you and your vagina out (kudos, if so, sis), then you might need to take a bit of a soak in the bathtub.
Warm water has a way of soothing irritated tissue and, if you add a few drops of virgin olive oil into the mix, not only will it deeply hydrate your vaginal skin but the antioxidants in the oil will help to heal your vulva and vagina too.
Just make sure that you bathe with olive oil only. The last thing that your vagina needs right after sex is bubble bath products or heavy perfumes. This brings me to my next point.
Leave Scented Stuff Alone After Sex
Over here, in xoNecole world, we're big fans of taking bathing experiences to the next level. But since penetration oftentimes leaves tiny tears around our vagina and vulva, that means our genital region is more vulnerable than usual. That means strong perfumes, body washes and body sprays can upset the pH balance of our vagina which can result in burning or even trigger a yeast infection. If you don't feel right with simply allowing good old-fashioned H2O to cleanse your vagina, something that I use (and really like) is Pangea Wash. Or, if you're a DIY kinda gal, I wrote an article on vaginal washes that you can make yourself. You can check it out here.
Eat Some Probiotics After Sex
I once heard a woman talk about describing sex to her child as being an amusement park and toxic waste dump rolled into one. When you really stop to think about it, that's a pretty spot-on explanation. While there is probably no better—and by "better", I mean more fun—way to spread bacteria around than participating in coitus, it's still important to "feed your vagina" with foods that will replenish it with good bacteria so that things like yeast infections won't occur. One way to do that is to eat foods that are high in probiotics. While yogurt traditionally leads the list, if you're curious about what some other foods are, check out our article, "The Foods Your Vagina's Been Craving".
Drink Water and/or Pure Cranberry Juice After Sex
Did you know that sex can dehydrate your va-jay-jay? It might sound crazy but if you ever notice that, once you're done with round one and about to go into round two that your vagina isn't as wet as before, a part of that could be due to the fluids your body lost from the first session. One way to replenish your system is to drink a couple of glasses of water. Oh, and if you are UTI-prone, substitute one of those glasses for pure cranberry juice. Its acidic level has a way of knocking out any bacteria that may try to irritate you and your vagina up the pike.
Clean Your Sex Toys After Sex
While a lot of the bacteria that comes from our bodies will die on a sex toy once the bacteria dries up, there are things like Gardnerella vaginalis (the bacteria that causes bacterial vaginosis) that can linger on one for up to 48 hours (yuck).
That's why it is imperative that you thoroughly wash your sex toys after using them. For tips on how to do that effectively, feel free to check out Health's "The Essential Guide to Cleaning Your Sex Toys (Yes, There's a Right Way to Do It!)". Your vagina will thank you later.
Sleep Naked After Sex
While I know some people who are quick to put some sort of clothes on after gettin' it in, it really is best to stay naked instead. From a health and wellness perspective, going commando while you sleep does everything from reduce your stress levels and give your skin a chance to breathe to help you to sleep faster (and better) and even keep your blood sugar levels balanced. Since we're specifically talking about vaginal health today, let me share why your vagina would be thrilled if you didn't cover it up either. All of us naturally produce yeast in our vaginal area. Well, when we're wearing confining items, that can cause yeast—yeast that is already in a warm, wet and dark environment—to multiply which can also cause a yeast infection. If you'd still prefer to have something on at night, at least make sure it's not nylon panties, a thong or anything that's tight (like lingerie). Organic cotton would be your best bet. But again, naked is really what would make your vagina extra happy; especially right after you have sex.
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Different puzzle pieces are creating bigger pictures these days. 2024 will mark a milestone on a few different levels, including the release of my third book next June (yay!).
I am also a Professional Certified Coach. My main mission for attaining that particular goal is to use my formal credentials to help people navigate through the sometimes tumultuous waters, both on and offline, when it comes to information about marriage, sex and relationships that is oftentimes misinformation (because "coach" is a word that gets thrown around a lot, oftentimes quite poorly).
I am also still super devoted to helping to bring life into this world as a doula, marriage life coaching will always be my first love (next to writing, of course), a platform that advocates for good Black men is currently in the works and my keystrokes continue to be devoted to HEALTHY over HAPPY in the areas of holistic intimacy, spiritual evolution, purpose manifestation and self-love...because maturity teaches that it's impossible to be happy all of the time when it comes to reaching goals yet healthy is a choice that can be made on a daily basis (amen?).
If you have any PERSONAL QUESTIONS (please do not contact me with any story pitches; that is an *editorial* need), feel free to reach out at missnosipho@gmail.com. A sistah will certainly do what she can. ;)
Exclusive: Gabrielle Union On Radical Transparency, Being Diagnosed With Perimenopause And Embracing What’s Next
Whenever Gabrielle Union graces the movie screen, she immediately commands attention. From her unforgettable scenes in films like Bring It On and Two Can Play That Game to her most recent film, in which she stars and produces Netflix’s The Perfect Find, there’s no denying that she is that girl.
Off-screen, she uses that power for good by sharing her trials and tribulations with other women in hopes of helping those who may be going through the same things or preventing them from experiencing them altogether. Recently, the Flawless by Gabrielle Union founder partnered with Clearblue to speak at the launch of their Menopause Stage Indicator, where she also shared her experience with being perimenopausal.
In a xoNecole exclusive, the iconic actress opens up about embracing this season of her life, new projects, and overall being a “bad motherfucker.” Gabrielle reveals that she was 37 years old when she was diagnosed with perimenopause and is still going through it at 51 years old. Mayo Clinic says perimenopause “refers to the time during which your body makes the natural transition to menopause, marking the end of the reproductive years.”
“I haven't crossed over the next phase just yet, but I think part of it is when you hear any form of menopause, you automatically think of your mother or grandmother. It feels like an old-person thing, but for me, I was 37 and like not understanding what that really meant for me. And I don't think we focus so much on the word menopause without understanding that perimenopause is just the time before menopause,” she tells us.
Gabrielle Union
Photo by Brian Thomas
"But you can experience a lot of the same things during that period that people talk about, that they experienced during menopause. So you could get a hot flash, you could get the weight gain, the hair loss, depression, anxiety, like all of it, mental health challenges, all of that can come, you know, at any stage of the menopausal journey and like for me, I've been in perimenopause like 13, 14 years. When you know, most doctors are like, ‘Oh, but it's usually about ten years, and I'm like, ‘Uhh, I’m still going (laughs).’”
Conversations about perimenopause, fibroids, and all the things that are associated with women’s bodies have often been considered taboo and thus not discussed publicly. However, times are changing, and thanks to the Gabrielle’s and the Tia Mowry’s, more women are having an authentic discourse about women’s health. These open discussions lead to the creation of more safe spaces and support for one another.
“I want to be in community with folks. I don't ever want to feel like I'm on an island about anything. So, if I can help create community where we are lacking, I want to be a part of that,” she says. “So, it's like there's no harm in talking about it. You know what I mean? Like, I was a bad motherfucker before perimenopause. I’m a bad motherfucker now, and I'll be a bad motherfucker after menopause. Know what I’m saying? None of that has to change. How I’m a bad motherfucker, I welcome that part of the change. I'm just getting better and stronger and more intelligent, more wise, more patient, more compassionate, more empathetic. All of that is very, very welcomed, and none of it should be scary.”
The Being Mary Jane star hasn’t been shy about her stance on therapy. If you don’t know, here’s a hint: she’s all for it, and she encourages others to try it as well. She likens therapy to dating by suggesting that you keep looking for the right therapist to match your needs. Two other essential keys to her growth are radical transparency and radical acceptance (though she admits she is still working on the latter).
"I was a bad motherfucker before perimenopause. I’m a bad motherfucker now, and I'll be a bad motherfucker after menopause. Know what I’m saying? None of that has to change. How I’m a bad motherfucker, I welcome that part of the change."
Gabrielle Union and Kaavia Union-Wade
Photo by Monica Schipper/Getty Images
“I hope that a.) you recognize that you're not alone. Seek out help and know that it's okay to be honest about what the hell is happening in your life. That's the only way that you know you can get help, and that's also the only other way that people know that you are in need if there's something going on,” she says, “because we have all these big, very wild, high expectations of people, but if they don't know what they're actually dealing with, they're always going to be failing, and you will always be disappointed. So how about just tell the truth, be transparent, and let people know where you are. So they can be of service, they can be compassionate.”
Gabrielle’s transparency is what makes her so relatable, and has so many people root for her. Whether through her TV and film projects, her memoirs, or her social media, the actress has a knack for making you feel like she’s your homegirl. Scrolling through her Instagram, you see the special moments with her family, exciting new business ventures, and jaw-dropping fashion moments. Throughout her life and career, we’ve seen her evolve in a multitude of ways. From producing films to starting a haircare line to marriage and motherhood, her journey is a story of courage and triumph. And right now, in this season, she’s asking, “What’s next?”
“This is a season of discovery and change. In a billion ways,” says the NAACP Image Award winner. “The notion of like, ‘Oh, so and so changed. They got brand new.’ I want you to be brand new. I want me to be brand new. I want us to be always constantly growing, evolving. Having more clarity, moving with different purpose, like, and all of that is for me very, very welcomed."
"I want you to be brand new. I want me to be brand new. I want us to be always constantly growing, evolving. Having more clarity, moving with different purpose, like, and all of that is for me very, very welcomed."
She continues, “So I'm just trying to figure out what's next. You know what I mean? I'm jumping into what's next. I'm excited going into what's next and new. I'm just sort of embracing all of what life has to offer.”
Look out for Gabrielle in the upcoming indie film Riff Raff, which is a crime comedy starring her and Jennifer Coolidge, and she will also produce The Idea of You, which stars Anne Hathaway.
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Feature image by Mike Lawrie/Getty Images
Victoria Monét Opens Up About Feeling ‘Validated’ Months After VMAs Turned Her Down To Perform
Victoria Monét has had an incredible year. Thanks to the success of the widely popular “On My Mama” that went viral, the singer/ songwriter’s Jaguar II album debuted in the top 10 of Billboard’s Top R&B Albums chart. She also went on to headline her own sold-out tour. So, when the MTV VMAs happened in September, everyone was surprised to learn that Victoria’s team was told that it was “too early” for the “Smoke” artist to perform at the award show. However, a couple of months later, the mom of one received seven Grammy nominations, including “Best R&B Album” and “Record Of The Year.”
Victoria is currently in London and stopped by The Dotty Show on Apple Music and shared how she feels “validated” after being dismissed by the VMAs.
“It really does feel nice and validating because, in my head, the reason why I wanted to be a performer at the VMAs or award ceremonies like that is because I felt like I am at the place where I should. I would work really hard to put on the best show that I could, and I was excited to do so,” she said.
“And I guess the best way to describe it for me is like when you're like on a sports team, and the coach is like, ‘No, you gotta sit this one out.’ When they finally put you in, and then you score all these points, and it feels like that feeling. You're like, yes, I knew it wasn't tripping, but I knew I worked hard for this, and so it's been super validating to just have these accolades come after a moment like that, and I know the fans feel vindicated for me.
While her fans called the VMAs out on their decision, the “Moment” singer kept it cute and is still open to performing at the iconic award show. “I feel no ill towards them because it's just maybe that's just truly how they felt at the time, but I hope their mind has changed,” she admitted.
Aside from recognition from the Grammys, she has also received praise from legendary artists such as Janet Jackson, Kelly Rowland, and Usher.
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Feature image by Amy Sussman/WireImage for Parkwood