

Damn y'all. Where did the year go? I mean, I get that on some levels, 2020 has seemed like the longest decade ever—but then, on the flip side, it also seems kind of crazy that it's time to pull out our sweaters and winterize our house so that our electricity bill doesn't skyrocket. And then there's our skin. Fall and winter seasons are the time of year when it can be a little more challenging than usual to keep it moisturized and feeling super soft to the touch.
That's where today's beauty article comes in. If you want to give your skin the kind of TLC that, deep down, you know that it truly deserves, I've got some all-natural approaches that will make you happy that fall is officially here—no matter how much cold weather it brings right along with it.
1. Don’t Use Soap. At All.
Off the rip, you would think that soap would actually be a good thing, right? Well, when it comes to washing your hands during a pandemic, it is. But when it comes to using it to clean your body overall, it's absolutely not. For starters, soap not only kills bad bacteria but also the good kind that protects your skin from microbes that are unhealthy. On top of that, soap also strips away the lipids that help to keep your skin soft while providing a protective layer on it. And third, soap is loaded with chemicals (like carcinogens), and since your pores absorb what you put into your skin, you can probably see why that is highly problematic too.
OK, but not washing is nasty, so what should you do? Cleansing oils are a great alternative. They're basically cleaning agents that have an oil base to them so that your skin doesn't end up dry and irritated (Allure has a list of some of the top commercial oil cleansers here). Something that I've been a personal fan of for years is Dr. Bronner's Pure Castile Soap because it lacks unhealthy ingredients and it's got essential oils in it. Or, you can always step out and make your own body wash. When it comes to washing your body, you can get some tips on how to make a cleansing wash by checking out this video. As far as washing your vaginal area, check out "Love On Yourself With These 7 All-Natural DIY Vaginal Washes".
2. Exfoliate with a Homemade Coffee Scrub
You end up shedding somewhere between 30,000-40,000 skin cells a day! Aside from that being a good enough reason to change your bedding on a weekly basis, it's also why you should incorporate dry brushing into your body maintenance route. It's also why you should exfoliate your body with a scrub as well. After all, the less dead skin you've got, the easier it will be for your newer layers to show—and to glow.
While a brown sugar scrub is a favorite of mine because brown sugar is a humectant that is able to pull moisture into your skin, today I wanna shout out coffee scrubs instead. They're dope because coffee helps to increase blood circulation throughout your system, reduces the appearance of cellulite, contains properties that are anti-aging and is proven to even help to improve your skin's tone over time. This means that no matter how harsh the weather may be outside, your skin can still look amazing if you add a little bit of coffee to it.
If this is something that you'd like to try, all you've gotta do is combine one cup of coffee with a ½ cup of brown sugar, a cup of virgin olive oil (it's loaded with antioxidants), and two teaspoons of vanilla essential oil (it's loaded with anti-inflammatory properties). Mix well, apply to damp skin, massage gently, let it sit for five minutes, and rinse thoroughly. Your skin will immediately feel super smooth and smell out of this world too.
3. “Seal” Your Skin After Stepping Out of the Shower
A lot of times, in the area of beauty, whenever the topic of "sealing" comes up, it's usually in the context of sealing our hair's ends. But I'll tell you what—when I started "sealing my body", my skin started to feel next level! This process is extremely simple. All you've gotta do is make sure to have oil like sweet almond, coconut, grapeseed, avocado, or argan oil (all light oils that are packed with nutrients) nearby so that, once you step out of the bath or shower, the water that is on your skin will get "sealed in" by a layer of oil that you put on top of it. Just allow the oil to sit for a couple of minutes and then dry off like usual. Your skin will remain silky smooth until the next time you step into your bathtub.
4. Treat Your Face to Some Honey, Figs and Coconut Milk
From what I've read, figs are at their best in two seasons—June and then August through October. Since they're such a good source of vitamins A and K, along with potassium, calcium, magnesium, iron, and copper, that already makes them something that is good for you to eat. But as far as your skin goes, fig oil's got omega-3, omega-6, and omega-9 in it which are fatty acids that can have your face and neck feeling off-the-charts soft and smooth. If you add to the fig oil some honey, its antibacterial and antiseptic properties will remove deeply embedded bacteria as its antioxidants will encourage the production of collagen. Finally, bringing coconut milk into the mix is smart because its Vitamin C will improve your skin's elasticity while its copper will help to keep your skin from sagging as it fades age spots and discoloration too.
A half-cup of coconut milk, two tablespoons of honey, and a teaspoon of fig oil will create a mixture that you can apply to your skin with a cotton ball after washing your face. Let it sit for 10 minutes and then rinse with cool water (to close up your pores); your face will be ready for whatever the outdoor weather has awaiting it.
5. Do an Herbal Tea Steam Treatment
Speaking of giving your face an at-home spa treatment, when was the last time you steamed it? Steaming not only feels super soothing but it can also open up your pores so that anything that's clogged up in them will easily dislodge itself. Some other perks to face steaming are it increases blood circulation, hydrates your skin, and also promotes the production of collagen and elastin. While you'll already be doing your face (and neck; don't forget your neck!) a big favor by using water alone, you'll be giving it an extra treat if you add 2-3 herbal tea bags to the water too.
Some herbal teas that are excellent for your skin include rose (it contains lots of antioxidants); hibiscus (it fights off free radicals); dandelion (it's a great detoxifier); chamomile (it contains anti-inflammatory, antiseptic, and antimicrobial properties); licorice root (it has amino acids that deeply moisturize your skin); Burdock root (it contains phenolic acid, luteolin, and quercetin that helps to prevent wrinkles), and green tea (its micronutrients will keep your skin looking young and fresh).
Matter of fact, if you want to give your entire body the herbal tea treatment, steep a combo of these bags and let them cool. Then pour them into your bathwater. Every inch of your skin will thank you for it.
6. Make a DIY a Scented Moisturizer
Aside from the fact that fall already dips in humidity which means that your skin is subjected to being drier than usual, you need to moisturize your skin on a daily basis because it helps to keep your new cells healthy and thriving. While some dermatologists actually frown upon moisturizers, I'd venture to say that they take issue with actual lotion because of how thick it is and all of the chemicals that the commercial brands contain. But honestly, if you simply blend one cup of whipped shea butter, four tablespoons of virgin olive oil, two tablespoons of coconut oil and 15 drops of an essential oil, you've got all that you need to give your skin the additional moisture that it longs for during this time of the year.
As far as the essential oils go, if you want to smell like the autumn season, add some apple, pomegranate, sandalwood, patchouli or pumpkin. Pumpkin is really the lick because, studies have revealed, that combining it with lavender essential oil can speed up a man's erection by as much as 40 percent. (Exactly.)
7. Create a Lavender, Avocado and Jojoba Oil Blend (for Your Hands)
Other than when you've got your gloves or mittens on, there's probably no other part of your skin that will take a beating from the fall and winter weather more than your hands. "Baby" them by applying a mixture of lavender, avocado, and jojoba oil to them. Lavender essential oil is wonderful because it has antibacterial properties that will help to keep your hands clean, along with anti-inflammatory properties that will soothe your skin after you come in from the bitter cold.
Something else that's cool about lavender oil is it's able to properly balance your skin's moisture so that your hands won't be too oily or too dry. Avocado oil is wonderful because it's high in Vitamin E, potassium, linoleic acid, oleic acid, and other monounsaturated fatty acids that are ideal for treating and healing chapped skin. And jojoba oil is a great source of vitamins B and E, as well as antioxidants and anti-inflammatory properties that will pamper your skin. Plus, jojoba oil is really good for our nails and cuticles too.
Just combine a half cup of avocado oil with a half cup of jojoba oil and add 10 drops of lavender oil. Then apply it to your hands in the morning and evening. They'll feel baby-soft and have a nice relaxing scent to them as well.
8. Massage Orange Oil onto Your Feet
One of the reasons why I make sure to get a professional pedicure, year-round, is because the heels of my feet get all dried and cracked if they don't receive some extra special lovin' on a consistent basis. If you can totally relate but your budget is currently a little tight, I wrote an article on how you can do some DIY pedicuring that you can check out right here. Or, if you simply want something that will provide your feet with a little extra moisture, how about applying some orange oil to them?
It has antimicrobial properties that help to detoxify your system and pores; it deeply nourishes dry and/or irritated skin; it contains anti-inflammatory properties (if your feet happen have to be slightly swollen from being on them all day) and, it's got anti-fungal properties if your feet are susceptible to fungal infections. Not to mention the fact that orange oil has an invigorating scent to put you in a great mood if seasonal depression has you feeling a little on the lower side.
9. Restore Your Skin's pH Balance with Extra Virgin Olive Oil
Did you know that the normal pH level balance of our skin is between 4.7 and 5.75? The reason why this is relevant is that, oftentimes, we apply things on our skin that are either way too high (above 7 is alkaline) or much too low (below 7 is acidic). So say, for instance, you purchase a product with a pH level of 9. If you continually use it, it can end up totally drying your skin out and stripping it of its natural moisture. While this is never good, it's especially not beneficial during the fall and winter seasons.
Something that you've probably already got in your kitchen cabinet that is great when it comes to keeping your skin's pH balance right where it should be is olive oil. It is brimming over with antioxidants that help to keep your skin healthy. Olive oil also has omega-3 and polyphenols that are able to deeply moisturize your skin without clogging up your pores in the process. It contains natural anti-inflammatory and anti-microbial properties if you happen to have skin conditions like eczema or psoriasis.
And yes, it helps to keep your skin levels well-balanced too. The reason why I mentioned extra virgin olive oil specifically is that it's made from pure olives and not a blend of cold-pressed and processed oils (like regular olive oil is). The purer your olive oil is, skin-wise, the better.
10. Sleep with Shea Butter on Your Lips
I don't know about y'all but, personally, I don't know if there are too many things more irritating during the colder part of the year than freakin' chapped lips. And although I am definitely a lip gloss junkie, I have honestly not found a better moisturizer, lip protectant, or even lip primer for lipstick than shea butter. Between its high concentration of vitamins A, E, and F, antioxidants, and fatty acids, shea butter really does provide all that you need for your lips to be kissable, soft, and smooth. Apply a layer of it to your lips before turning in every night and they'll remain moisturized whether you've got a humidifier (which is also a good idea during the fall and winter because it will keep dry heat from drying you out) or not.
Welcome to the colder part of the year, everybody!
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Laterras R. Whitfield On What He Wants In A 'Future Wifey' & Redefining Masculinity
In this week's episode of the xoMAN podcast, host Kiara Walker chopped it up with Laterras R. Whitfield, host of the Dear Future Wifey podcast, for a raw and revealing conversation about personal growth, faith, and the search for love in a way that resonates.
Laterras Whitfield Believes Men Should Pursue, Not Persuade
“Let me know you exist, and I’ll do the rest”
Whitfield is a big advocate of a man’s role in going confidently for the woman he wants. “Men should pursue, not persuade, and women should present, not pursue,” he said. He’s open to meeting women on social media but isn’t a fan of bold approaches. “Don’t shoot your shot at me. … Let me know you exist, and I’ll do the rest.”
His ideal woman?
“She has to be a woman of God… I judge a woman by how her friends see her… and most importantly, how she treats my kids.”
Infidelity, Redemption, and the Power of Self-Control
“Being disciplined is the most beautiful thing you can offer”
Once unfaithful in his previous marriage, Whitfield has since transformed his perspective on masculinity. “Being disciplined is the most beautiful thing you can offer. That’s what true masculinity is to me now.” He has also committed to abstinence, choosing self-control as a defining trait of manhood.
Whitfield’s journey is one of redemption, purpose, and faith—something that speaks to women who value emotional intelligence, accountability, and the power of transformation.
Rewriting the Narrative Around Black Masculinity
What masculinity, legacy, and healing mean to Whitfield today
“My dad taught me what not to be [as a man] and my mom taught me what she needed [in a man],” Whitfield said. While his father wasn’t abusive, he wasn’t emotionally or affectionately present. “Since I didn’t see it, I never got it either… I would look at my dad and say, ‘I want to be a better father.’ ”
Adoption had always been on his spirit, influenced by TV shows like Different Strokes and Punky Brewster. This mindset led him to take in his nephew as his son after a powerful dream confirmed what he already felt in his heart.
Want more real talk from xoMAN? Catch the full audio episodes every Tuesday on Spotify and Apple Podcasts, and don’t miss the full video drops every Wednesday on YouTube. Hit follow, subscribe, and stay tapped in.
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Secret Lovers: 10 Women Tell Me Why They Just Can't Seem To Let Their Sneaky Link Go
A few days ago, I was talking to someone who is younger than I am yet has a very old mind when it comes to music (and true music appreciation) about which 90s year had the best R&B (don’t attempt this conversation at home unless you really know what you are talking about, by the way).
Although I have a deep affinity for 1995 (thanks to songs like Groove Theory’s “Tell Me”, Faith Evans’s “Soon As I Get Home”, D’Angelo’s “Lady”, Jon B’s “Someone to Love” and LL Cool J’s “Hey Lover” whether the LP or single dropped that year — don’t play with me — LOL), my friend brought up a valid point about 1997: “Nice & Slow” (Usher), “Butta Love” (Next), "All the Things (Your Man Won't Do)" (Joe), “I Gotta Be” (Jagged Edge) and a song that gets a special shout-out in this piece all came out that year.
What Is a Sneaky Link?
Xscape’s “My Little Secret” gets a true honorable mention here because, when it comes to the topic of sneaky links, it damn near could be the theme song. And I say that because, as pretty much all of us know, a sneaky link is a hook-up and/or romantic relationship that is kept on the extreme low.
Why? There are a billion reasons — today, though, I’m going to share 10. And because I agree with what a wise man once said when he stated that once more than one person knows a particular secret, it ceases to be one, this time, I’m not even using middle names. Nah, I’m going to define these ladies and their “sneaky link stories” another way since they were nice enough to share with the world what their hook-up hush-hush is…and why it happens to be that way for them.
Push play to the Xscape song and dive in.
10 Women Share Their Sneaky Link Stories
1. “Married to One Man. Sprung on Another.” 42.
“I’m going to sound like a hypocrite here but sometimes we go through things to help other people — and if you are going through something with your husband, never forget that you aren’t ‘single’ until you are divorced. Back when my husband and I were having some serious issues, we separated for almost a year and barely even spoke beyond bills. I met a man then who was the best sex that I ever had in my entire life. I didn’t expect my husband and myself to consider reconciling but we’re in counseling now — and I am still sleeping with the other guy. I wish I could tell you that I have intentions of stopping but I can’t.
"One reason is because the sex really is just that good and I didn’t realize how much I had been missing out on. Another reason is because I’m not sure if my husband and I are getting back together; we seem to have the same issues over and over. I do regret being in a commitment with one man and totally strung out on another. I don’t recommend it. It will keep you up at night — one way or another, girl.”
“Broke Up with My Ex. Except Sexually.” 37.
“My semi-toxic confession is my ex and I don’t get along anywhere else BUT the bedroom. In there? You would think that we were soulmates for life! It’s passionate and nasty and lasts for hours — I’m not exaggerating! The wildest thing about it is, we’ve been having sex, off and on now, since college.
"Even when I’m seeing someone or he’s seeing someone, we find a way to have sex. It would be a lot worse if we lived in the same city but we don’t. All these years later, we still try to see each other 4-7 times a year — pretty much once a season and then for a real long weekend or even a week in the summer if we can pull it off…and I don’t see it ending any time soon.”
3. “I Lost My Virginity Two Years Ago. Only ‘He’ Knows It, Though.” 25.
“My virginity is kind of my ‘brand’. I didn’t mean for that to happen but virgins kind of stick out like a sore thumb these days and since I never kept it a secret — my family, my church and even my friends see me as a Black Mother Teresa. That’s why I haven’t told anyone that I lost my virginity a little over two years ago and I’m still sleeping with that person. It’s not just a ‘sex thing’ but I choose to keep our relationship private because if people knew that I’ve been seeing someone for a long time, either they are going to pressure me into marriage or start asking if I’m a virgin still. Keeping it all a secret just makes my life easier.”
4. “I Shouldn’t Be Sleeping with My Boss…BUT…” 38.
“I’m sleeping with my boss, so it goes without saying why it’s a secret. Let me explain how it happened: When we first started having sex, we both had the same position. We used to joke at our desks and then meet up for drinks after work. One night, we had dinner and probably too much to drink and that led to us getting a hotel room. Girl, that man. About six months later, he got a promotion and since neither of us wanted to stop having sex with each other…we haven’t. A part of the thrill is the sex. Another part is sneaking around. I think that’s what lures most people into having a sneaky link, if you ask me.”
5. “My Friends Have Been Trying to Set Me Up for Years…” 46.
“I am a very private person; I always have been. There is no one in my life who knows how many people I’ve been with and the partners who they assume about, I’ve never shared any sexual details. My last serious relationship ended when I was about 41 and my friends have been trying to set me up ever since because they don’t want me to be ‘lonely’ or ‘dry.’ Little do they know, I am neither! I’ve been having sex with a friend of mine since the break-up and I don’t see it ending any time soon — mostly because he thinks the same way that I do. Ladies, if you don’t want a relationship, find a monogamous sex partner. It’s one of the best things that has ever happened to me!”
6. “Folks Think I’m Abstinent…but I’m Not.” 26.
“I made the announcement three years ago that I was going to take a break from sex — and I did…for about 14 months. I’ve been having sex ever since but I haven’t let anyone know that. It hasn’t been just one guy either. I have a ‘steady two’ because they both are good at different things. It’s not like I’m lying about it or anything. Whenever the subject of me and having sex come up, folks say something like, ‘She’s abstinent, she doesn’t count’ — and I just don’t correct them. Private sex is the best sex. I should’ve learned that lesson a long time ago.”
7. “If It’s Mostly Head, Does That Count?” 44.
“My sneaky link situation is a little odd…I guess. It’s a guy who I had sex with a few years ago. The sex was okay but, GIRL, his head game?!
"It’s kind of funny that he feels the same way about me and so, we do have sex sometimes but we mostly meet up for oral purposes. It’s like an addiction at this point because we try to link up no less than a few times a month. It doesn’t matter what else we have going on, we’re going to get that head in. And no, no one knows about it. I don’t see why they ever should.”
8. “My Friend’s Ex Has Been My Next…” 27.
“Shellie, you’d better not say my name. I’m not playing! Yes, I have been having sex with a friend’s ex — but it’s not an ex-husband or fiancé; it’s someone from many years ago and that’s all I’m going to say about that because I don’t want anyone to piece it together. And before anyone reading about this starts, she actually knows — she’s the only one who does, though. She’s married now and couldn’t care less. She said that the sex was her deal-breaker with him and I think the sex is amazing. You know what they say about one man’s junk…”
9. “No Matter What, It Always Comes Back to Him…in the Bedroom.” 33.
“I would think we all get that when a woman says that a man has some good d-ck, she’s not just talking about his penis. The insane thing about my sneaky link is he’s the smallest I’ve been with and still the best sex that I’ve had in my entire life! He takes his time, his dirty talk game is on-point, his stamina is crazy and he’s a master at getting that thing right back up. We started having sex five years ago, been dating for three and have been still gettin’ that thing in since because no man knows me like he does. Keeping it private isn’t behind a scandal or anything. I just think that adds to the allure of it all.”
10. “Why Is My Sex Life ANY of Your Business?” 40.
“’Sneaky link’. That’s cute. These kids. I never saw it as ‘sneaking’ so much as ‘Why is my sex life anyone’s damn business?’ I guess when you’re in a relationship, people assume that you’re sexually active. For me, a lot of the men I’ve dated, I’ve never had sex with them and some of the people you’d least expect, we have sexual history. So, based on that, I technically have a sneaky link. You never see us out but we spend plenty of quality time together. It’s a sexy secret. I like it that way.”
___
Oh, sneaky links. As someone who has had my fair share of ‘em back in the day, they definitely aren’t a monolith — as you can very well see.
My advice? Secrets are seductive — there is no doubt about that. You’re grown, so just make sure that your why overrides the risks involved. Because a secret exposed can be a secret that costs.
Be safe. Be realistic. Be careful. Rinse and repeat.
If you’re gonna be sneaky, be smart. Amen? Exactly.
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