While I personally can't think of one thing that I don't like about the season that is right upon us, I must admit that a mistake I used to make, beauty-wise, was not properly caring for my skin (and hair) as the temperatures began to shift. Especially when it came to feeling extra dry, I could certainly tell that I wasn't handling my business.
Something tells me that I'm not the only one who's been guilty of this lil' faux pas, so as we're just days away from what I think is the absolute best season of the year, here are 12 beauty hacks that are affordable, all-natural and a truly wonderful way to welcome autumn in.
1. Exfoliate from Head to Toe
While I'm pretty sure you know what the general concept of exfoliating is all about, if you needed a basic definition, it's removing dead skin cells from the surface layer of your skin. And since we all shed somewhere around 30-40,000 of them every minute, I'm sure you get why that's such a good idea to do. Exfoliating not only gets rid of dead skin cells, it unclogs your pores, helps to prevent ingrown hairs, reduces breakouts, evens skin tone and even makes it easier for your skin to absorb your favorite moisturizer. So, I'm pretty sure you can see why exfoliating, not just your face and neck but your entire body, is a great "fall prep" practice. Since the cold weather can do rough on your skin, exfoliating can help it to absorb whatever you plan on putting on it to keep it soft, supple and smooth. That's why it's a good idea to do it around twice a month.
By the way, coffee scrubs help to reduce inflammation (a recipe is here), brown sugar scrubs are a humectant that can draw moisture in from the air (a recipe for that is here) and charcoal scrubs are great at detoxifying your skin (a recipe for that is right here). So, if you want to customize your body exfoliation process, there's a good starting point to go with.
2. Bathe in Rosewater and Lavender Oil
If you like nothing more than coming in from the chilly air and soaking in a hot bath, two things. First, it's best if you wait for your skin to get down to your normal body temperature (going from one extreme to another can put your body into shock or even cause a heart attack; wow, right?) and secondly, try and avoid the "hot as possible" approach. One thing that you want to make sure that you do is not zap your skin of the natural moisture that it already has; hot water will do that which is why warm water is best.
Speaking of caring for your skin, treat it by pouring some rosewater and a few drops of lavender essential oil into your bathwater. Rosewater contains anti-inflammatory properties that will help to reduce redness. It also contains antiseptic properties that can help to soothe any skin infections or surface wounds that you may have. Rosewater is full of antioxidants that can repair any cell damage that you may have experienced. Plus, it's known to improve moods and even bring relief to headaches. Lavender oil is great for your skin because it also contains anti-inflammatory properties that can speed up the healing of breakouts, soothe skin conditions that cold weather may irritate such as eczema, help to remove toxins from your skin and, thanks to its scent, it's really effective when it comes to helping you to relax before bedtime.
3. “Seal” Your Skin
Something that I definitely make sure that I do when I get out of the shower is "seal my skin". Basically, that consists of not immediately drying off, putting some homemade whipped shea butter or sweet almond oil on my skin, letting it sit for a few minutes and then blot-drying my skin. All of this helps to "lock" the moisture in to where I don't need to apply any lotion or anything else once I'm done. Plus, my skin feels silky smooth, pretty much until the next time I take a bath.
4. Steam Your Hair
If it seems kinda weird that cold wet weather could actually cause your hair to dry out, here's why it's so problematic. When temps are cold and/or the air is dry, that can result in the cuticles of your hair lifting which can keep moisture from staying in your hair. And when there's no moisture, the dryness can ultimately lead to breakage. A remedy? Well, aside from deep conditioning your locks, it can never hurt to steam your tresses too.
Steam adds moisture. Steam makes it easier for the products that you put into your hair to be absorbed into it. Steam encourages elasticity so that your hair doesn't break as easily when it's being styled. Steam also helps to keep the pores of your scalp unclogged so that your hair follicles can grow freely.
As far as how often you should steam your hair, some folks do it as much as a couple of times a week while others reserve the practice for wash day. Either way, if this is something you'd like to try, Natural Hair Products has a list of some of the best steamers for natural hair here. Also, Melissa Denise is a YouTuber who has some tips on how to steam your hair without a steamer that you can check out here.
5. Line Your Hats
At this point, I can't even tell you how many hats I have. Back when I was wearing really short hair, this particular tip didn't matter all that much to me; however, now that I have some length, I am intentional about lining my hats with satin. Since my golf caps and brims are mostly made of wool, between the way that fabric has a tendency to dry my hair, cause friction and even has the potential for snagging on my ends, making sure my hats are lined is how I keep my hair protected while I'm out here looking fly. If you want to learn how to line your own hats, check out this video and this video.
6. Make a Castor/Argan/Vitamin E Oil Solution for Your Eyelashes
If you want to have longer and thicker eyelashes without having to buy any (so that you can have a few extra coins saved up for the holiday season), make your own serum that consists of Jamaican black castor oil, coconut oil and vitamin E oil. The Jamaican black castor oil contains properties that will help to thicken your lashes and make them appear fuller. Argan oil is packed with fatty acids and antioxidants that will help your lashes to grow longer. Vitamin E is awesome because it stimulates hair growth. If you apply this combo with a mascara wand every night before turning in, you should see some progress with your lashes within 3-4 weeks.
7. Apply Some Shea Butter and Cinnamon to Your Lips
I can't tell you the last time I went to bed without putting some raw shea butter on my lips. Since it's an emollient (which means it creates a barrier between your lips and the atmosphere around you), it's an excellent "base" for lip gloss or lipstick before heading out into the chilly air. Since shea butter is also loaded with antioxidants and vitamins A and E, it can help to soothe and heal your lips if they experience any chapping during the fall and winter seasons. As far as cinnamon goes, if you apply cinnamon oil, it's a natural lip plumper. On the other hand, if you go with its powder (or ground cinnamon) form, it can gently exfoliate while also providing a soft natural sun-kissed glow. Yep, even in the fall. Just add a sprinkle or two of it to a lip container of shea butter and you're all set.
8. DIY a Hand and Foot Cream
I'm thinking it's a given that you should amp up how much you moisturize your hands and feet as you head into the cooler seasons of the year. All I want to say here is try and avoid commercial brands that are heavy on the perfumes and ingredients you can't pronounce. One, because our skin definitely absorbs some of what we put onto it and two, some of those harsh items can strip our skin of the moisture that it so desperately needs; especially when it's cold.
That's why I'm all about you making your own hand and foot cream. That way, you know exactly what goes into it. The YouTube channel Yaya DIY Creations has a hand cream recipe worth checking out here. paskiiLuv has an easy-to-make foot cream recipe here.
9. Cop Some Bamboo Socks
Speaking of feet, just because you're about to swap out sandals for boots, please don't use that as an excuse to slack off when it comes to getting pedicures. That said, since we're all going to be wearing socks a lot more often, did you know that cotton ones can sometimes cause blisters? The "science" behind it is, since cotton is a fabric that absorbs moisture, the longer your feet are damp, the easier it is for a blister to form. That's why wool, synthetic or even bamboo socks are a better route when you're planning to spend a lot of time in inclement weather.
Bamboo socks are cool because they contain antibacterial properties, they're pretty soft, they hold less odor, they are thermo-regulating (which means they help to keep your feet cool in the summer and warm in the winter) and they're sustainable.
Bamboo Comfort is a website that features some of the best bamboo sock brands this year. You can see the list here.
10. Take a Fish Oil Supplement
If it seems like you can't stop scratching words with your nails onto your skin (due to how dry it is) no matter how hard you try, you might want to take a fish oil supplement. Fish oil contains anti-inflammatory and healing properties that help to keep your skin hydrated from the inside out. Some other benefits include the fact that it's able to help to heal symptoms associated with psoriasis, decrease the appearance of pimples and also protect your skin from sun damage (and yes, you can experience sun damage any time of the year because, well, the sun is out all 12 months).
11. Invest in Some Local Honey
First up, if your allergies are known to kick up during the fall, local honey is what you should look into because it contains similar allergens to what are in the air around you. Taking a teaspoon or so a day can serve as a natural antibiotic, so that your system can develop a resistance to allergens and allergy-related symptoms. Not only that but honey is a powerful humectant as well. This means that if you put a couple of teaspoons into your hair conditioner, it can help to moisturize your hair or if you make a face mask out of it, it can deeply condition your skin. Honey is bomb on a ton of levels. In fact, when it comes to honey in general, check out "Manuka Honey Is The Ultimate Beauty Find".
12. Get Yourself a Pumpkin (or Two)
The signature fruit for fall is undoubtedly the pumpkin.
As far as all-natural beauty benefits go, it's great for you because pumpkins are high in vitamins A and C, zinc, antioxidants, fruit enzymes and even alpha hydroxy acids. All of this works together to trigger collagen production in your body, brighten your skin tone, improve your skin's texture, help to reverse UV damage and hinder free radicals from damaging and aging your skin.
So, the next time you're at your local grocery store, pick up a pumpkin or two. Then, when you get home, treat yourself to a pumpkin face mask (recipe is here); a body scrub (recipe is here); a foot scrub (recipe is here); a body butter (which is made with pumpkin spice and recipe is here), or a lip exfoliant (which is also made with pumpkin spice and the recipe is here). You'll feel good. It smells great. And it's one of the best all-natural beauty treatments to officially welcome your skin into this, what I'm sure will be, beautiful upcoming fall season.
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While speaking to xoNecole, Eva shares that she’s a lot like the beloved 1994 character in many ways. “Lyric is so me. She's the odd flower. A flower nonetheless, but definitely not a peony,” she tells us.
“She's not the average flower you see presented, and so she reminds me of myself. I'm a sunflower, beautiful, but different. And what I loved about her character then, and even more so now, is that she was very sure of herself.
"Sure of what she wanted in life and okay to sacrifice her moments right now, to get what she knew she deserved later. And that is me. I'm not an instant gratification kind of a person. I am a long game. I'm not a sprinter, I'm a marathon.
America first fell in love with Eva when she graced our screens on cycle 3 of America’s Next Top Model in 2004, which she emerged as the winner. Since then, she's ventured into different avenues, from acting on various TV series like House of Payne to starring on Real Housewives of Atlanta.
Je-Caryous Johnson Entertainment
Eva praises her castmates and the play’s producer, Je’Caryous for her positive experience. “You know what? Je’Caryous fuels my audacity car daily, ‘cause I consider myself an extremely audacious woman, and I believe in what I know, even if no one else knows it, because God gave it to me. So I know what I know. That is who Je’Caryous is.”
But the mom of three isn’t the only one in the family who enjoys acting. Eva reveals her daughter Marley has also caught the acting bug.
“It is the most adorable thing you can ever see. She’s got a part in her school play. She's in her chorus, and she loves it,” she says. “I don't know if she loves it, because it's like, mommy does it, so maybe I should do it, but there is something about her.”
Overall, Eva hopes that her contribution to the role and the play as a whole serves as motivation for others to reach for the stars.
“I want them to walk out with hope. I want them to re-vision their dreams. Whatever they were. Whatever they are. To re-see them and then have that thing inside of them say, ‘You know what? I'm going to do that. Whatever dream you put on the back burner, go pick it up.
"Whatever dream you've accomplished, make a new dream, but continue to reach for the stars. Continue to reach for what is beyond what people say we can do, especially as [a] Black collective but especially as Black women. When it comes to us and who we are and what we accept and what we're worth, it's not about having seen it before. It's about knowing that I deserve it.”
This interview has been edited for length and clarity.
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Thinking about them kinda-sorta inspired this piece because they caused me to reflect on the times when some of my clients have come to me, semi-freaking out, and it was because their thoughts about someone had gone beyond “Hey, she’s pretty” or “Hey, he looks good.” Instead, they were starting to fantasize about certain folks, and they weren’t sure what to do about it, especially when some of those fantasies were transpiring while they were engaging in sex with someone else.
You know, it’s been reported that somewhere around 50 percent of people do indeed have fantasies about other people while having sex with another person. And that is definitely a high enough number to tackle some things about the topic here.
If you’re someone who fantasizes about other individuals, especially sexually, here’s some intel into why that could be the case, along with when it gets to the point and place where you might want to consider actually doing something about it.
What’s a Fantasy and What Exactly Causes Them?
GiphyWhenever you think of the word “fantasy,” what immediately comes to your mind?
Personally, what I find to be interesting is the fact that the dictionary says that there are actually a lot of things that can be considered a fantasy: your imagination, hallucinations, visions, ingenious inventions, illusions — I mean, there is even a genre of fiction that falls into the fantasy category. However, when it comes to what we’re going to discuss today, a psychological term for fantasy is “an imagined or conjured up sequence fulfilling a psychological need; daydream.”
And yes, before we get to the end of all of this, that definition is going to answer quite a few questions as it pertains to the topic of this particular piece. But first, more about the origin story of fantasies.
Apparently famed neurologist, Sigmund Freud spent some time analyzing fantasies and came to the conclusion that, more than anything else, a fantasy represents something that is either a suppressed urge or desire and when you stop to think about what you imagine, what your visions are, what you may long to invent — that certainly tracks. However, something that you should also keep in mind about fantasies is that, oftentimes, they are rooted in few boundaries and can even go well beyond what is considered to be reality (which is something that is based on facts and truth).
Oh, something else that needs to be kept in mind about fantasies is that they are typically relied on as a mental form of escape from something or someone (bookmark that).
And now that fantasies are more clearly defined, if your immediate question is, “Is it wrong to fantasize?” — no, I certainly don’t think that. What I do believe, based on what a fantasy is, though, is if you are fantasizing a lot about a particular person, place, thing or idea, it would be a good idea to ponder why that is the case — why is that a suppressed desire for you, why are you using that as a mental escape and perhaps, the most important question of all, does your fantasy come with any limits?
Now let’s build on top of this…
Now What Causes Folks to Fantasize About Other People?
GiphyAs I was doing more research on the topic of fantasies, I came across an article entitled, “What Happens In Our Brains When We Fantasize About Someone.” The author of it started the piece out by talking about a cool connection that she made with someone on a plane, only for her to find herself fantasizing about him once they parted ways. As she went deeper into her story, she mentioned a word that definitely needs to be shared here: heuristics.
If you’re not familiar with it, heuristics is simply a mental shortcut. For instance, if you find yourself needing to make a quick decision (check out “Before You Make A Life-Altering Decision, Read This.”), you may rely on heuristics to do it (even if it’s subconsciously). The challenge with that is oftentimes heuristics will only provide you with a limited amount of data and information, and relying only on that could cause you to not make the best choice, if you’re not careful. And boy, when heuristics jump into your fantasy space — well, something that immediately comes to my mind is celebrity culture.
Ain’t it wild how people will be on social media, speaking so confidently, about someone—or someone’s relationship—as if they personally know them (when they absolutely don’t)? I mean, just because someone is attractive or you’ve seen them carry themselves well in an interview or two, that doesn’t automatically mean that they are the ideal person or that they are someone to set your own dating standards by. If you’re not careful, though, heuristics and fantasies may encourage you to think otherwise.
That’s because the combo will try and get your brain to jump to all sorts of conclusions and, if you don’t keep that in check, it could result in you making premature, counterproductive, or even straight-up reckless decisions — because remember, a fantasy tends to be about suppressing an urge or desire.
Honestly, whether you are in a relationship or not, if you are fantasizing about a particular individual, understanding why you are doing that should definitely be explored.
However, if you are with someone and you’re fantasizing about someone else, you really shouldn’t ignore what is transpiring because, although by definition, there’s a good chance that whatever and whomever you are fantasizing about will never come to pass, the fact that it’s taking up some of your mental and emotional space, that needs to be acknowledged. Because if there is something that you want or need, and you seem to believe that your fantasies are better at supplying that for you than the reality of your relationship, why is that?
Let’s keep going…
What Does (or Could) It Mean If You Fantasize About Someone Else During Sex?
GiphyIt’s pretty common that a random song will come to mind whenever I’m writing an article. Today? It was Guy’s “My Fantasy.” Then a sitcom did — King of Queens, and the episode when Doug and Carrie were talking about his sexual fantasies. The song is about images that the fellas randomly have about beautiful women. The episode was about Carrie wanting to dictate to Doug what and whom he could fantasize about because some of his sexual fantasies made her feel uncomfortable or intimidated.
And both of these are a pretty solid intro into whether there is something wrong with sexually fantasizing about someone, especially while having sex with someone else. Well, before getting into all of that, I think another article that I read on the topic brings up a pretty good point — that it’s important to think about where your fantasies are coming from: your imagination, things you see on social media, porn that you may have watched, people who you actually know…and if it’s the latter, is it someone from your past or someone from your present?
Yeah, knowing the source of your fantasies can definitely help you to understand how “deep” into your fantasies you might be.
What I mean by that is, seeing a beautiful man one time and randomly thinking about what it would be like to have sex with him on some beach vacation is quite different than constantly thinking about your ex, the sex you used to have with him and then fantasizing about it For one thing, the beautiful guy, you will probably never have access to. That ex, though? Well, at the very least, that is a bit more realistic, right?
Then there’s the fact that, again, a fantasy is a suppressed urge or desire. When it comes to the beautiful man, is it his looks that you long for, or is it something deeper? And that ex of yours? Lawd, now why, when you have your own man in your own bed, is your ex “scratching some sort of itch”? Because we all know what they say — “he’s your ex for a reason,” so why is he creeping up into your intimacy space now that the relationship is over? Is something unresolved?
Are there sexual needs that he met that your current partner isn’t (check out “You Love Him. You Prefer Sex With Your Ex. What Should You Do?”)? Is something currently transpiring in your current relationship that you are using fantasies about your ex to escape from?
You see, although when it comes to the topic of fantasizing about others when you’re having sex with someone else might seem like the a cut-and-dried, “Don’t do it, end of discussion” — as someone who works with couples for a living, I think the bigger concern isn’t if another guy comes into your mind during sex with your partner…it’s more about WHY is that happening to begin with. Because if you need to escape from where you are, if you can’t be present with your partner, something is definitely up.
When Should You Be Concerned About the Fantasies You Are Having?
GiphyDuring the last several months of breaking up (because we all know that sometimes breaking up is a process) with the last boyfriend whom I will have in this lifetime, I recall fantasizing about other people while having sex with him. It’s because I really wasn’t attracted to or interested in him, sexually, anymore — but I was a bit fearful of what it would mean to let the entire relationship go.
And boy, is that a huge red flag because I wasn’t fantasizing about some random famous person one time during sex — I was relying on images, my imagination, and previous experiences with other people to literally get me through the act. NOT. GOOD.
Y’all, one of the greatest and most profound forms of communication and connection between two people is sexual intimacy, and so, when it transpires, it really should only be about the two of them. That said, should you freak out over a thought about someone who creeps up into your mind every once in a while? Chile, more people have that happen than they will ever admit out loud.
On the other hand, should you worry if you’re like I was? I’ll put it this way — you should definitely be concerned because the last thing that you should be feeling during sex with someone is like you are suppressing what you need and/or that you want to escape from the moments that you are experiencing with them.
And yet, if that is indeed the case, though, what should you do?
Start with doing some sex journaling. Write down your fantasies, the sources of them, and why you are leaning on them in this season (check out “The Art Of Sex Journaling (And Why You Should Do It)”). If they are tied to unrealistic situations, be real with yourself about that. If they are rooted in potential possibilities, do some journaling about how much you are “feeding into” that reality and what you think would be the wisest way to move forward, both for your sake as well as your relationship.
Talk to your partner. Each relationship is different, and so, while I’m not going to recommend that everyone just blurt out that they’ve been thinking about having sex with their co-worker or college sweetheart while having sex with their partner, I do think that the suppressed urges and desires (in general) should be mentioned. Sometimes, fantasies are birthed out of boredom (check out “If You're Not Having Great Sex, This Is (Probably) Why” and “Common Sex Problems Couples Have (& How To Fix 'Em)”) and doing something like creating a sex bucket list (check out “This Is How To Create The Best Kind Of ‘Sex Bucket List’”) can breathe new life into your bedroom.
Plus, sharing some of your deepest thoughts, feelings, and needs (in a kind, thoughtful, and mature way) can cultivate more emotional intimacy with your partner, and that can definitely be a good thing.
Consider seeing a sex therapist. If, after doing both of these things, the fantasies seem to be getting stronger and louder, you might need to make an appointment with a reputable sex therapist (check out “Have You Ever Wondered If You Should See A Sex Therapist?”). They may be able to help you to “connect some dots” about what’s going on that you wouldn’t have considered without their help, because sex therapists are trained in helping individuals sort out the mental and emotional sides of intimacy, not just the physical ones.
____
Are fantasies bad? They aren’t. However, when it comes to sexual ones, a quote by Benjamin Franklin absolutely comes to mind: “If passion drives you, let reason hold the reins.”
And that, right there, should be a guiding message for how you should process the fantasies that you do have.
Amen? Sho’ you right.
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