You know what's a trip? The more intentional I become about setting healthy boundaries, releasing toxic people, tapping into my Black femininity and protecting my inner peace, the more I'm all about pampering myself. I mean, budgeting out money, every single month, to treat my body to some much-needed TLC. Lately, what I've been getting into are facials. Recently, I had my first back facial. It was divine. There is no better word for it. Anyway, as I was getting a "face facial" a couple of weeks ago, my skincare specialist told me that while I don't really need to get a professional facial more than once a season (four times a year), it can never hurt to give myself one at home around every four weeks or so. And so, that is exactly what I am going to start implementing into my DIY beauty regimen.
As for you sis, whether it's because time and money are tight or because you want to learn how to do more at-home pampering and you think that giving yourself a facial would be a good start (and I would agree), here are eight reasons that hopefully will inspire you to check out five videos (here, here, here, here and here) on how to give yourself an at-home facial, so that you will be fully inspired to treat yourself before the week's end.
1. It Deep-Cleanses Your Pores
Last summer, I wrote an article for the platform entitled, "10 All-Natural Ways To Make Your Pores Appear Smaller" because I'm someone who has larger pores on certain parts of my body. A part of it is genetic. Another reason is because I wasn't always the most diligent about deep cleaning them and, when you're not, that can cause oil, dirt and make-up build-up to stretch and enlarge your pores overtime. That's one of the reasons why a facial can be so helpful. It will help to pull all of the "gunk" out of your pores, so that they can stay smaller and you will encounter less breakouts.
Pore Cleansing Facial Recipe: Combine ½ cup of manuka honey (it's an amazing humectant) with three tablespoons of fresh-squeezed orange juice (it's loaded with antioxidants), one tablespoon of sea salt (the perfect exfoliant) and one teaspoon of Aloe vera (it's loaded with healing properties). Mix all of the ingredients together, apply to freshly washed skin and leave on for 10-15 minutes before rinsing with warm and then cool water (as a heads up, this part of the instruction applies to just about every recipe in this piece). The combination of these ingredients will deeply exfoliate your skin while triggering collagen production at the same time.
2. It Treats Acne
If you're someone who is prone to breakouts, this is another reason to consider giving at-home facials a try. Not only do facials help to clear out your pores as I just mentioned, they can get rid of dead skin cells, remove excess oil and also soothe your skin, if there are areas that happen to be inflamed. With all of these things being less of an issue, it's a lot harder for pimples to literally rear their ugly heads.
Acne Facial Recipe: Mix two tablespoons of manuka honey with one teaspoon of turmeric. The properties in the turmeric will reduce inflammation as the antibacterial and antimicrobial properties in the honey will help to get rid of the bacteria that causes breakouts in the first place.
3. It Evens Out Your Skin Tone
Whenever I get a facial, something that I notice, pretty much immediately, is how bright and even my skin looks.
Due to things like UV damage (which can happen to us too), hormonal shifts, acne marks, slow collagen production and/or the overproduction of melanin, our skin can end up having some discoloration here and there. Two things that can remedy this is getting to personally know what your skin type is (more on that later) and yep, you guessed it, having facials.
In this lane, facials are dope because they can smooth and even out your skin tone over time. The key here is to go with a facial recipe that is loaded with antioxidants.
Skin Tone Facial Recipe: Blend the pulp of one papaya with two tablespoons of goat milk. The antioxidants along with the enzyme papain in the papaya will break down dead skin cells while the milk will soften the skin and unevenness. Oh, it should go on record that because papaya can be pretty potent, you'll probably only need to keep this particular mask on your face for no more than 5-7 minutes.
4. It Increases Blood Circulation
You might not have ever thought about getting a facial for the specific purpose of increasing blood circulation to your face, yet it is another benefit that comes with having one. The reality is poor circulation to your face (and neck) can play a significant role in your skin aging faster than it ever should. The way to head this off is to give yourself a facial that contains a form of Vitamin A known as retinoids; they increase blood circulation and even have a reputation for creating new blood vessels over time. Dope.
Blood Circulation Facial Recipe: Combine one egg with two tablespoons of plain whole milk yogurt. Both are loaded with retinoids and, as a bonus, will make your skin feel baby soft smooth.
5. It Slows Down the Signs of Aging
Don't get triggered but I once wrote "Yes, Black CAN Crack. Here's What To Do About It, Tho." for this platform for a reason and a purpose.
While the extra melanin in our skin is indeed a blessing, that doesn't mean that we should take it for granted or not be proactive about making sure that we keep our youthful glow for as long as possible. One way to do that? You already know — give yourself a facial. Another benefit that comes from this kind of beauty treatment is it can help to increase your skin's elasticity, thicken your skin and remove toxins that may be embedded in your pores while improving your skin's texture and super-hydrating your pores in the process.
Anti-Aging Facial Recipe: Put one tablespoon of shea butter, two teaspoons of Aloe vera gel, ¼ of a ripe avocado and ½ ripe apricot in a blender until everything is super smooth. The shea butter's antioxidants have anti-aging properties. The Aloe vera will help to improve your skin's elasticity. Avocados hydrate and also add to your skin's elasticity. Apricots are rich in fatty acids to help make your skin soft and supple.
6. It’s a Skin Hydrator
All of your body needs moisture. Your face is certainly no exception. When it fails to get the adequate amount that it needs, that can lead to dryness, irritation, acne, environmental damage and premature signs of aging. That's why it's important to consume lots of water and to consider giving yourself a facial that specifically treats dry skin from time to time.
Skin Hydration Facial Recipe: Put four ripe strawberries into a blender along with two teaspoons of Greek yogurt and a tablespoon of coconut milk. Strawberries are high in antioxidants. The lactic acid from the yogurt will brighten your skin. The coconut milk is extremely moisturizing.
7. It Teaches You More About Your Skin
The reason why a lot of us don't end up with the flawless glowing skin that we desire is because we don't know enough about our skin type to give it, just what it needs. One thing that can help with this is to take an online quiz (like the one on the Ask the Scientists website that you can check out here). Another is to give yourself a facial to see which one your skin responds to best. If you want to "ease into" giving yourself one, vegetable glycerin and Vitamin E are two ingredients that are great for sensitive skin.
Beginner's Facial Recipe: Add three Vitamin E capsules to one tablespoon of vegetable glycerin. Glycerin adds lots of moisture while Vitamin offers anti-inflammatory and healing properties.
8. It Reduces Your Stress Levels
If you really want to take your DIY facial up a notch, devote 5-10 minutes massaging your face first. Make sure your hands and face are clean and then use your fingertips to create small circles all over your face and neck. Not only will it help to increase blood circulation, it is extremely relaxing too. Then, once you're done, give yourself a stress-releasing facial. Not only will it help to activate your sympathetic nervous system, it will also reduce your anxiety levels and uplift your spirits. Definitely a win when it comes to DIY skincare.
Stress-Reducing Facial Recipe: Mix two tablespoons of sweet almond oil (improves complexion, fights breakouts), with a teaspoon of honey and four drops of lavender (it's soothing to the skin as it gets rid of bacteria and calms your spirits at the same time). It's the perfect skin treatment at night before turning in, so that you can wake up with beautiful skin. Enjoy!
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It's kinda wild that, in 2025, my byline will have appeared on this platform for (what?!) seven years. And yeah, when I'm not waxing poetic on here about sex, relationships and then...more sex and relationships, I am working as a certified marriage life coach, helping to birth babies (as a doula) or penning for other places (oftentimes under pen names).
As some of you know, something that I've been "threatening" to do for a few years now is write another book. Welp, October 2024 was the month that I "gave birth" to my third one: 'Inside of Me 2.0: My Story. With a 20-Year Lens'. It's fitting considering I hit a milestone during the same year.
Beyond that, Pumas and lip gloss are still my faves along with sweatshirts and tees that have a pro-Black message on them. I've also started really getting into big ass unique handbags and I'm always gonna have a signature scent that ain't nobody's business but my own.
As far as where to find me, I continue to be MIA on the social media front and I honestly don't know if that will ever change. Still, if you need to hit me up about something *that has nothing to do with pitching on the site (I'm gonna start ignoring those emails because...boundaries)*, hit me up at missnosipho@gmail.com. I'll do what I can. ;)
For Us, By Us: How HBCU Alumni Are Building Legacies Through Entrepreneurship
Homecoming season is here, and alumni are returning to the yard to celebrate with their friends and family at the historically Black colleges and universities (HBCUs) that have changed their lives forever.
No matter where their life journeys have taken them, for HBCU students from near and far, returning to where it all started can invoke feelings of nostalgia, appreciation for the past, and inspiration for the future.
The seeds for these entrepreneurs were planted during their time as students at schools like Spelman, North Carolina A&T, and more, which is why xoNecole caught up with Look Good Live Well’s Ariane Turner, HBCU Buzz’s Luke Lawal and Morehouse Senior Director of Marketing and Comms and Press Secretary Jasmine Gurley to highlight the role their HBCU roots play in their work as entrepreneurs, the legacy they aim to leave behind through the work that they do, and more as a part of Hyundai’s Best In Class initiative.
On Honoring HBCU Roots To Create Something That Is For Us, By Us
Ariane Turner
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When Ariane Turner launched Look Good, Live Well, she created it with Black and brown people in mind, especially those with sensitive skin more prone to dryness and skin conditions like acne and eczema.
The Florida A&M University graduate launched her business to create something that addressed topical skin care needs and was intentional about its approach without negative terminology.
Turner shared that it is important to steer clear of language often adopted by more prominent brands, such as “banishing breakouts” or “correcting the skin,” because, in reality, Turner says there is nothing wrong with the way that our skin and bodies react to various life changes.
“I think what I have taken with me regarding my HBCU experience and translated to my entrepreneurial experience is the importance of not just networking,” Turner, the founder and CEO of Look Good, Live Well, tellls xoNecole.
“We hear that in business all the time, your network is your net worth, but family, there’s a thing at FAMU that we call FAMU-lee instead of family, and it’s very much a thing. What that taught me is the importance of not just making relationships and not just making that connection, but truly working on deepening them, and so being intentional about connecting with people initially, but staying connected and building and deepening those relationships, and that has served me tremendously in business, whether it’s being able to reach back to other classmates who I went to school with, or just networking in general.”
She adds, “I don’t come from a business background. As soon as I finished school, I continued with my entrepreneurial journey, and so there’s a lot of that traditional business act and the networking, those soft skills that I just don’t have, but I will say that just understanding how to leverage and network community and to build intentional relationships is something that has taken me far and I definitely got those roots while attending FAMU.”
On Solving A Very Specific Need For The Community
Luke Lawal Jr.
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When Luke Lawal Jr. launched HBCU Buzz, his main focus was to represent his community, using the platform to lift as they climbed by creating an outlet dedicated to celebrating the achievements and positive news affecting the 107 historically HBCUs nationwide.
By spotlighting the wonderful things that come from the HBCU community and coupling it with what he learned during his time at Bowie State University, Lawal used that knowledge to propel himself as an entrepreneur while also providing his people with accurate representation across the internet.
“The specific problem in 2011 when I started HBCU Buzz was more so around the fact that mainstream media always depict HBCUs as negative,” Lawal says. “You would only see HBCUs in the mainstream media when someone died, or the university president or someone was stepping down. It was always bad news, but they never shed light on all the wonderful things from our community."
So, I started HBCU Buzz to ensure the world saw the good things that come from our space. And they knew that HBCUs grew some of the brightest people in the world, and just trying to figure out ways to make sure our platform was a pedestal for all the students that come through our institutions.”
“The biggest goal is to continue to solve problems, continue to create brands that solve the problems of our communities, and make sure that our products, our brands, our companies, and institutions are of value and they’re helping our community,” he continues. “That they’re solving problems that propel our space forward.”
On How Being An HBCU Alum Impacts The Way One Shows Up In The World
Jasmine Gurley
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Jasmine Gurley is a proud North Carolina Agricultural and Technical State University alum. She is even more delighted with her current role, which enables her to give back to current HBCU students as the Senior Director of Brand Marketing and Communications and official press secretary at Morehouse College.
“It was a formative experience where I really was able to come into my own and say yes to all the opportunities that were presented to me, and because of that, it’s been able to open the doors later in life too,” says Gurley of her experience at North Carolina A&T. “One thing I love about many HBCUs is that we are required to learn way more about African American history than you do in your typical K through 12 or even at the higher ed level."
She adds, “It allowed us to have a better understanding of where we came from, and so for me, because I’m a storyteller, I’m a history person, I’m very sensitive to life in general, being able to listen to the stories and the trials that our ancestors overcame, put the battery pack in my back to say, ‘Oh nothing can stop me. Absolutely nothing can stop me. I know where I came from, so I can overcome something and try anything. And I have an obligation to be my ancestors’ wildest dreams. Simultaneously, I also have a responsibility to help others realize that greatness.
Gurley does not take her position at an HBCU, now as a leader, lightly.
“People think I’m joking when I say I’m living the dream, but I really am,” she notes. “So I wake up every day and know that the work that I do matters, no matter how hard it might be, how frustrating it may be, and challenging it. I know the ripple effect of my work, my team, and what this institution does also matter. The trajectory of Black male experiences, community, history, and then just American advancement just in general.”
On the other hand, through her business, Sankofa Public Relations, Gurley is also on a mission to uplift brands in their quest to help their respective communities. Since its inception in 2017, Sankofa PR has been on a mission to “reach back and reclaim local, national, and global communities by helping those actively working to move” various areas of the world, focusing on pushing things forward for the better.
“Through Sankofa, we’ve worked with all different types of organizational brands and individuals in several different industries, but I would think of them as mission-based,” says Gurley.
“So with that, it’s an opportunity to help people who are trying to do good in the world, and they are passionate about what they’re doing. They just need help with marketing issues, storytelling, and branding, and that’s when my expertise can come into play. Help them get to that moment where they can tell their story through me or another platform, and that’s been super fulfilling.”
Join us in celebrating HBCU excellence! Check out our Best In Class hub for inspiring stories, empowering resources, and everything you need to embrace the HBCU experience.
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There is definitely a particular client who inspired this piece. I’ve been working with her for a while now, and so I’m used to her basically complaining about how she isn’t experiencing the kind of sex that she longs for. Thing is, I pretty much always ask her some variation of the same question: “How can a man give you what you want if you don’t know exactly what that is?” to which she pretty much always sighs and then deflects.
Y’all, soap operas, rom-coms, romance novels, social media, and porn have done an excellent (or horrific, depending on how you look at it) job of causing people to think that a great lover should be a mind reader or that they should be willing to do more work to please their partner than their partner is willing to do to learn what actually does please themselves. And to that, I say, goodness, how do you expect a man to “know your body” when you barely even do? And no, I’m not talking about masturbation. There are many other ways to bond with yourself than that.
Today, I’m going to share eight ways to do it. Because, if you want to sexually connect with your partner in a truly pleasurable and fulfilling way, it’s always a good idea to become a student of your own self first — so that you can be the best kind of teacher (if you know what I mean).
1. Meditate
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There are literally countless reasons why you should implement meditating into your self-care routine. When it comes to sex, specifically, because it helps to reduce stress, relieve anxiety, keep you in the moment, and make you more self-aware — this is why meditation tops the list for today, especially since deep and controlled breathing is a big part of what meditating is all about.
And since taking more oxygen into your system helps to make climaxing easier, increase blood circulation (which can intensify orgasms), and relax your pelvic floor muscles (so that sex is ultimately more pleasurable) —yeah, if you want to have better sex, you’ve got to consider meditating more often.
2. Figure Out Your Favorite Erogenous Zone. Then Find a New One.
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I’m pretty sure you know what an erogenous zone is; however, just to be sure, it’s the parts of your body that are the most easily aroused as far as sexual stimulation goes. Although it’s assumed that places like our breasts and genitalia are the peak ones, the reason why I once wrote “So, What If 'Typical Erogenous Zones' Annoy TF Outta You?” for the site is because it can’t be assumed that “predictable spots” will work for everyone. In fact, some health experts believe that there are at least 30 different potential erogenous zones on our bodies, including our scalp, ears, palms, the lower part of our back, the back of our knees, and others.
That said, next time you are in the bathtub, use your fingertips to gently touch various parts of your body. Pay close attention to which ones feel the most pleasurable or even potentially turn you on; then take note so that you can share it with your partner the next time the two of you are together. Because listen, even when it comes to masturbation, if all you focus on is “her,” you are seriously limiting how truly gratifying sex can be by now…branching out to other parts of your body.
3. Dance. Naked.
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Even if you don’t like to dance in public, do you at least dance alone sometimes? If not, you definitely should because not only is dancing good for your heart and bones, but it’s also a fun way to burn a few calories, plus it can do wonders for your sex life. Why do I say that? It’s because dancing has also been proven to decrease stress (remember, the less stressed you are, the easier it will be for you to get aroused), build up your core (so that you can increase your stamina), make you more flexible and help you to feel more connected whenever you are around other people.
And if you dance naked, that can help to increase your sexual self-confidence (check out “10 Sensuous Ways To Boost Your Sexual Self-Esteem”) because the more comfortable you are with your body, the more comfortable you will be to share it with your partner.
4. Massage Yourself. Also Naked.
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Speaking of getting more comfortable with your body, when was the last time you indulged in a sensual self-massage? No, I’m not using that as another term for masturbation; I mean a literal body massage that you give yourself.
If you never have before, the next time you get out of the shower or bath, wrap yourself up in a towel, warm up a carrier oil (check out “So, Here Are The Carrier Oils That Will Take Your Sex Life To A Whole 'Nother Level”) with an aphrodisiac essential oil (check out “Ultimate Climax Hack? 10 Scents That Make It So Much Easier To Orgasm”) and then use your fingers or a set of massaging tools to massage your body, starting with your scalp and going all the way down to your feet.
Not only will this help to relax you, improve blood circulation, and bring more flexibility to your joints, self-massages are an effective way to give parts of your body that may not get a lot of TLC, the type of attention that they deserve — so that you can guide your own partner’s hands, lips, etc. to those very same spots…later on.
5. Make Sexy Sounds to Discover (More of) Your Sensuality
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If you’ve heard somewhere that most people hate to hear the sound of their own voice, there is actually some truth to that (by the way, if you turn your palms backward, push them behind your ears to move your ears forward and then say something, that is how others hear you on the phone, etc.). The science behind it is your voice travels through the air, which is known as air conduction. However, the way you hear the results vs. how others do can be very different — annoying even because it tends to translate as thinner and higher to your system.
This is a part of the reason why some people can be self-conscious about the sounds that they make during sex. Here’s the thing, though: Did you know that sounds like moaning can actually help to enhance your sexual experience, and panting can convey desire for your partner (check out “Ever Wonder What The Sounds You Make During Sex Mean?”)? There’s nothing wrong with making sex-related sounds by yourself so that you can get more comfortable with the sound of your own voice.
Let me tell it, a part of the reason why it may be awkward during sex is your “sex sounds” are unfamiliar to even you…because you’re not used to making (and hearing) them (enough).
6. Get into Some Naval Play
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Belly buttons are sexy — hell, at least, to me, they are. That’s why, when I did some reading up on navel play, it made all of the sense in the world that it should be added to this article. For starters, there are a lot of nerve endings around that part of your body; so much, in fact, that some women even say that their clitoris is stimulated whenever their belly button/navel is touched, sometimes to the point where they are even able to have an orgasm.
So, even if it’s common for you to have your stomach touched or even kissed during foreplay with your partner, spend some time, alone, playing with your belly button too. Use fingers, feathers, ice, hot wax, sex toys — anything that feels pleasurable in that area to see what feels the most amazing to/for you. You never know — the orgasm that you’ve been waiting for all of this time may just be where your belly piercing is (because yes, there is such a thing as a belly button orgasm). Straight up.
7. Experiment with Tastes and Textures
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What do you feel sexier in: silk, satin, or lace? What’s your favorite “sex condiment”: honey, fudge, or whipped cream? When a silicone sex toy touches you, how does it make you feel? When it comes to foods that are considered to be aphrodisiacs, do you prefer red wine or coconut water? Have you ever slept alone on a bed that is filled with rose petals? If so, did it turn you on? What’s your favorite sex cocktail or mocktail? Have you ever even tried one before (check out “Sexy Sips: 8 Fall-Themed Mocktails That Are Aphrodisiacs Too”)?
Before you decide to really get to know someone sexually, it’s important that you know yourself, so set up a solo sex date where you experiment with some of the things that I just mentioned. In the article, “How To Incorporate All Five Senses To Have The Best Sex Ever,” I address different things to try as far as taste and touch because what might turn someone else on could be entirely different for you. The more you know about what arouses your senses, the better you’ll be at creating an atmosphere that is truly satisfying.
8. Put Yourself into Some Sex Positions (Alone)
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If you’ve ever wondered how many sex positions there are in the world, according to some Kama Sutra writers, there are well over 200. And even if you don’t believe that to be true, there are plenty of articles out in cyberspace (like these here, here, and here) that profess more than 50 exist. You know, I once checked out a sex survey that said that somewhere around 30 percent of people prefer the missionary position while another 30 percent prefer to go the cowgirl (you know, the woman on top) route and that couples tend to do that same position 60 percent of the time that they had sex.
Listen, although there is something to be said for, “If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it,” if you are bored in the bedroom, always applying that sex mantra could be why.
So, as I close this out, click on the link to one of those articles and practice getting into some of the sex positions that you’ve never tried before (also naked and, yes, alone). It’s another way to increase your flexibility and make you feel more at ease in your own skin — plus, it can make you confident enough to suggest something new next time. Something that you don’t have to stumble and fumble around doing because you’ve already practiced it. Your partner will be no less than impressed. #wink
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