December is about creating magic in your life. Things are coming full circle as we close out the year, and there is a lot of love to tend to, priorities to maintain, and success to obtain. We have a few planets going direct this month signaling a moving forward and an overcoming of obstacles. December is typically the month to wind down and prepare for the new year, but there is work to do this month and intentions to manifest.
On the first day of the month, we have a New Moon in Sagittarius, and hope is high right now. This is a great time to think of your future, and to plant the seeds for the successes you want to see this month. Sagittarius is all about taking risks, owning what is authentic to them, and creating abundance in their lives through their open-minded perspectives. Mercury is currently retrograde in Sagittarius until mid-month, and this New Moon is a good opportunity and opening for some more clarity and grace during challenging times within communication.
December 2024 Monthly Horoscope Insights
Mars goes retrograde on Dec. 6, a transit that only occurs every few years. Mars will be retrograde in Leo until Jan. 6, 2024, and then will be retrograde in Cancer from then until going direct on Feb. 23, 2024. This retrograde transit is a time of redirecting your passion, and energy and taking more time for intentional actions rather than rushed or impulsive ones. Mars retrograde in Leo heightens the ego, and some power struggles could play out.
Venus going direct in Leo opposite sign the following day until Jan. 2, will help balance this energy out a lot, and the key over the next few months is to consider other’s heart and perspective as well as your own.
We have a Full Moon in Gemini on Dec. 15 and Mercury goes direct the same day, and this is when things start to get interesting this month. Breakthroughs are occurring, old chapters are disappearing, and gratitude is strong. Capricorn Season officially begins on Dec. 21, and we are able to ground the energy we have been developing this month. Capricorn Season highlights your ambitions, successes, and sense of abundance and tradition. This is a beautiful time to work on the things that matter to you and to feel some more support in your life.
Chiron goes direct in Aries on Dec. 29 after being retrograde here since the end of July, and old wounds are healing. With Chiron now direct in this fire sign, something is empowering about the lessons we have learned this year and a sense of personal growth that is heartening. Before December ends, we have another New Moon, highlighting the new paths we are walking into right now.
The New Moon in Capricorn is on Dec. 30, and it is the second Capricorn New Moon of the year, and dreams are becoming a reality. Think back to January of this year and what you were intending for yourself and your life, as these same themes are manifesting for you again, but this time, you have more wisdom, support, and stability to receive them.
Read for your sun and rising sign below to see what December has in store for you.
AriesKyra Jay for xoNecoleARIES
December is an adventurous month for you, and you are feeling the self-empowerment in your life, Aries. Things are moving forward for you right now and with the Sun in your 9th house of adventure for most of December and a New Moon here on the first day of the month, you are seeking more freedom and personal development right now. You are expanding your world, having fun, and doing what makes sense for you.
Your ruling planet Mars goes retrograde on Dec. 6 for the next couple of months, and you are learning more about your passions, direction, and where you want to put more energy into your life. This is the time to be more patient with creative and romantic experiences and to trust the process more. Chiron goes direct in your sign before the month ends on Dec. 29, and your heart is healing. With Chiron now direct you are feeling emotionally enlivened and transformed as you end the year.
TaurusKyra Jay for xoNecoleTAURUS
This month is a coming together in love, and a new beginning for you within your close relationships, Taurus. Venus enters your 10th house of success, recognition, and reputation on Dec. 7, and you are feeling the connection and support in your life. Your efforts are being encouraged, and you are being well-received exactly as you are showing up today. With the Sun also in an area of your life that has to do with love, intimacy, and resources, you are gaining a lot of clarity on the different relationship dynamics in your life, and feeling a lot of growth here.
Before the month ends, we have a New Moon in fellow earth sign, Capricorn, and you are ending the year on a high note. This New Moon is a great time to set your intentions and manifest your dreams for the next year and you are feeling especially hopeful as you end 2024. Don’t be afraid to take calculated risks during this time, as it’s about thinking big right now and expanding your horizons.
GeminiKyra Jay for xoNecoleGEMINI
We enter the month we have a New Moon in your opposite sign, meaning love is being activated for you this month. This is a good time to think about the new paths your heart is walking on right now, and to know that your perspective on it all is going to determine how things play out for you. Gratitude is the attitude this month, and it’s all about focusing on the things you can control, rather than what you can’t.
Mid-December is an important time for you, Gemini. There is a Full Moon in Gemini happening on this day, and Mercury goes direct. You are feeling more in tune and balanced with what is happening in your life and around you, and are feeling a new sense of security between your personal goals and your relationship needs. You are getting the closure you have needed and it’s helping you let go of what has not been serving you or your heart.
CancerKyra Jay for xoNecoleCANCER
Things are picking up for you this month, Cancer. You are moving forward freely, taking new opportunities into your hands, and feeling courageous. With the Sun in your 6th house of health, work life, lifestyle, and daily routine, and a New Moon here on the first day of the month, your responsibilities may be heightened this month but you have the energy and passion within you to get things done right now. You are feeling encouraged to succeed, and are moving into a time of success in December.
Mercury goes direct on Dec. 15, and this will bring more ease and communication within your work life, and you will feel more heard and seen than you may have been these past few weeks while Mercury was in retrograde. On Dec. 30, a New Moon in Capricorn is happening, and you are leaving the year feeling a breakthrough occur for you in love. A lot of this month and this year you have needed to focus more on yourself and your dreams, but as you close out 2024, you are ready to let some more people into your world.
LeoKyra Jay for xoNecoleLEO
This month is all about balancing your priorities, Leo. Only take on what you feel you can handle right now, and don’t burn yourself out before your dreams come to fruition. Mars goes retrograde in your sign from Dec. 6 until Jan. 6, and there is a lot to process emotionally and personally right now. You may be feeling some power struggles in your life during this time, and it’s about owning your power without trying to force or control outcomes.
With Venus entering your house of love on Dec. 7 until 2025, don’t forget that you have support in your life, and lean on people when you need to. It’s okay to ask for help, and this month, you may need to reach out. The Full Moon in Gemini on Dec. 15, is a great time to be with friends, and your community, and to take note of the dreams that have come to fruition for you this year. There is a lot to be grateful for as the year ends, remember to focus on the gifts of that.
VirgoKyra Jay for xoNecoleVIRGO
December is a new beginning for you, Virgo. You have found your stability, and are feeling confident on the ground you are walking on right now. New beginnings, experiences, and opportunities are more likely for you in the home, and there is a lot of excitement in your world right now. The New Moon on the 1st is a great time to set your intentions for your home life, foundations, family, and inner well-being.
Neptune goes direct in your 7th house of love after being retrograde here since the summer, and your relationships are receiving more understanding, clarity, and hope. You are experiencing a coming together in your life that is making you feel more self-secure and stable as you walk into the new year. Your ruling planet Mercury goes direct on Dec. 15 as well after being in retrograde these past few weeks, and the seeds you have planted are ready to bloom. The feeling of uneasiness or uncertainty is leaving your life this month, as things clear up for you in your private and personal life.
LibraKyra Jay for xoNecoleLIBRA
You are feeling all the feels this month, Libra. Emotions are heightened, but so is your intuition, and you are seeking truths. This is a great month for communication matters, for figuring things out, and for connecting through the heart. On Dec. 7, Venus enters your 5th house of romance, and you are ready for some more fun in love. Your love life is an area of your life where you feel more confident and emotionally in tune as you end the year, and there is a lot to look forward to here this month.
On Dec. 15, we have a Full Moon in fellow air sign, Gemini, and culminations are occurring and helping you see things in a new light. This Full Moon is bringing things full circle within the mind, and this is a good time to gain some guidance, renew, and mentally heal. The New Moon before the month ends on Dec. 30 is about creating breakthroughs in the home and with your close loved ones, and your focus should be on what you want to manifest in this area of your life for the next year.
ScorpioKyra Jay for xoNecoleSCORPIO
December is all about patience, Scorpio. This is the time of the year when you should focus on rest, letting things come to you, and trusting the divine timing of your life. With the Sun in your 2nd house of income for most of the month, and a New Moon here on the 1st, new developments are happening for you financially, but you may need some time to fully accept, grasp, and understand them. It’s about nurturing your dreams, and not doubting them right now.
Mars, one of your ruling planets, goes retrograde mid-month, and this is bringing things to a head within career matters. This is your time to refocus your ambitions, redefine how you want to show up and what you want to be known for, and let opportunities come to you. Mercury goes direct a week later, and this is even further clearing things up for you when it comes to your security in life, and you can attain more success, wealth, and assets moving forward. Overall, December is a big month for you financially, and a key moment in understanding the importance of patience and trust.
SagittariusKyra Jay for xoNecoleSAGITTARIUS
Trust your intuition this month. It’s your season, beautiful, Sag, and you are feeling the synergy and fulfillment in your life. You have grown in so many ways this year and your wisdom and knowledge are inspiring others. This month is all about standing in your empowerment, owning what you know, and moving yourself forward. The light is shining on you, and you are manifesting success and beauty in your world.
Mercury has been retrograde in your sign since Nov. 25, and will finally go direct on the 15th. This is doing wonders for your soul, your goals, and the new beginnings you are seeking, and you are mentally feeling a lot more clear-headed now. A Full Moon in Gemini is happening on the same day, activating your heart space, and it’s all about balancing what you know with what you feel. Trust that what is blooming in your life is meant for you and that what isn’t meant for you, won’t become.
CapricornKyra Jay for xoNecoleCAPRICORN
Things are getting exciting for you in December, Capricorn. You are one of the stars of the show this month, and you are overcoming the past in major ways. Venus enters Aquarius on Dec. 7, and this is bringing love and protection into your finances, values, and self-confidence in life. This is a great time for seeing manifestations bloom for you in love as well, and also for investing in yourself more. Mercury goes direct in your 7th house of romance and partnership mid-month, and this is even further helping you feel a lot more supported and in harmony than you have been feeling recently.
Capricorn Season officially begins on Dec. 21, and it’s your time to shine and move forward, beautiful! You have fewer restrictions and obstacles towards your new beginnings and are entering 2025 at full speed. Before we close out the year the second New Moon in Capricorn occurs on Dec. 30, and you are proving to yourself the power of your mind and what you have created for yourself. This is a great month for feeling empowered, independent, and successful overall.
AquariusKyra Jay for xoNecoleAQUARIUS
Life is coming to fruition for you in magnificent ways this month, Aquarius. You are feeling fulfilled, loved, and accomplished and you have risen above the mess. The Sun is in your 11th house of friendship for most of this month, and this is a good time to connect with the people who understand and support you and to take the time to feel gratitude for this area of your life. Mars goes retrograde in your 7th house of love on Dec. 6, and dynamics will be changing for you within your relationships over the next few months, so having balance here and trying to focus more on what does work rather than what doesn’t, is needed.
Venus enters Aquarius on the 7th, and this is when you are going to feel a lot more of the sweetness that this month is bringing into your life. Support is coming in, and you are being reminded how loved you are. On Dec. 15, there is a Full Moon in your house of romance happening as well, and your heart is the focus. The closures and conclusions you have been seeking are coming to the forefront, and you can see the light at the end of the tunnel. Remember that you deserve good love, Aquarius.
PiscesKyra Jay for xoNecolePISCES
December is all about being hopeful, Pisces. Gifts and opportunities come to you when you need them, and finding your stability and self-assurance amid change is needed right now. Right as the month begins, there is a New Moon in your 10th house of career and aspirations, and there is a lot to look forward to. This is a good time to set your intentions for your professional world and social life and to seek new opportunities and connections here.
Neptune, one of your ruling planets, goes direct on the 7th after being retrograde in Pisces since this summer, and your heart can breathe a little better now. Any confusion you have been feeling regarding what you want for yourself and your life is clearing up for you now, and your hope for it all is healing. On Dec. 15, a Full Moon in your 4th house of stability occurs, and this is going to help you feel more grounded through the midst of change that you are currently in in your life.
Remind yourself often this month, that all is well, and everything is working in your favor.
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Featured image by Kyra Jay for xoNecole
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While speaking to xoNecole, Eva shares that she’s a lot like the beloved 1994 character in many ways. “Lyric is so me. She's the odd flower. A flower nonetheless, but definitely not a peony,” she tells us.
“She's not the average flower you see presented, and so she reminds me of myself. I'm a sunflower, beautiful, but different. And what I loved about her character then, and even more so now, is that she was very sure of herself.
"Sure of what she wanted in life and okay to sacrifice her moments right now, to get what she knew she deserved later. And that is me. I'm not an instant gratification kind of a person. I am a long game. I'm not a sprinter, I'm a marathon.
America first fell in love with Eva when she graced our screens on cycle 3 of America’s Next Top Model in 2004, which she emerged as the winner. Since then, she's ventured into different avenues, from acting on various TV series like House of Payne to starring on Real Housewives of Atlanta.
Je-Caryous Johnson Entertainment
Eva praises her castmates and the play’s producer, Je’Caryous for her positive experience. “You know what? Je’Caryous fuels my audacity car daily, ‘cause I consider myself an extremely audacious woman, and I believe in what I know, even if no one else knows it, because God gave it to me. So I know what I know. That is who Je’Caryous is.”
But the mom of three isn’t the only one in the family who enjoys acting. Eva reveals her daughter Marley has also caught the acting bug.
“It is the most adorable thing you can ever see. She’s got a part in her school play. She's in her chorus, and she loves it,” she says. “I don't know if she loves it, because it's like, mommy does it, so maybe I should do it, but there is something about her.”
Overall, Eva hopes that her contribution to the role and the play as a whole serves as motivation for others to reach for the stars.
“I want them to walk out with hope. I want them to re-vision their dreams. Whatever they were. Whatever they are. To re-see them and then have that thing inside of them say, ‘You know what? I'm going to do that. Whatever dream you put on the back burner, go pick it up.
"Whatever dream you've accomplished, make a new dream, but continue to reach for the stars. Continue to reach for what is beyond what people say we can do, especially as [a] Black collective but especially as Black women. When it comes to us and who we are and what we accept and what we're worth, it's not about having seen it before. It's about knowing that I deserve it.”
This interview has been edited for length and clarity.
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Feature image by Leon Bennett/WireImage
Thinking about them kinda-sorta inspired this piece because they caused me to reflect on the times when some of my clients have come to me, semi-freaking out, and it was because their thoughts about someone had gone beyond “Hey, she’s pretty” or “Hey, he looks good.” Instead, they were starting to fantasize about certain folks, and they weren’t sure what to do about it, especially when some of those fantasies were transpiring while they were engaging in sex with someone else.
You know, it’s been reported that somewhere around 50 percent of people do indeed have fantasies about other people while having sex with another person. And that is definitely a high enough number to tackle some things about the topic here.
If you’re someone who fantasizes about other individuals, especially sexually, here’s some intel into why that could be the case, along with when it gets to the point and place where you might want to consider actually doing something about it.
What’s a Fantasy and What Exactly Causes Them?
GiphyWhenever you think of the word “fantasy,” what immediately comes to your mind?
Personally, what I find to be interesting is the fact that the dictionary says that there are actually a lot of things that can be considered a fantasy: your imagination, hallucinations, visions, ingenious inventions, illusions — I mean, there is even a genre of fiction that falls into the fantasy category. However, when it comes to what we’re going to discuss today, a psychological term for fantasy is “an imagined or conjured up sequence fulfilling a psychological need; daydream.”
And yes, before we get to the end of all of this, that definition is going to answer quite a few questions as it pertains to the topic of this particular piece. But first, more about the origin story of fantasies.
Apparently famed neurologist, Sigmund Freud spent some time analyzing fantasies and came to the conclusion that, more than anything else, a fantasy represents something that is either a suppressed urge or desire and when you stop to think about what you imagine, what your visions are, what you may long to invent — that certainly tracks. However, something that you should also keep in mind about fantasies is that, oftentimes, they are rooted in few boundaries and can even go well beyond what is considered to be reality (which is something that is based on facts and truth).
Oh, something else that needs to be kept in mind about fantasies is that they are typically relied on as a mental form of escape from something or someone (bookmark that).
And now that fantasies are more clearly defined, if your immediate question is, “Is it wrong to fantasize?” — no, I certainly don’t think that. What I do believe, based on what a fantasy is, though, is if you are fantasizing a lot about a particular person, place, thing or idea, it would be a good idea to ponder why that is the case — why is that a suppressed desire for you, why are you using that as a mental escape and perhaps, the most important question of all, does your fantasy come with any limits?
Now let’s build on top of this…
Now What Causes Folks to Fantasize About Other People?
GiphyAs I was doing more research on the topic of fantasies, I came across an article entitled, “What Happens In Our Brains When We Fantasize About Someone.” The author of it started the piece out by talking about a cool connection that she made with someone on a plane, only for her to find herself fantasizing about him once they parted ways. As she went deeper into her story, she mentioned a word that definitely needs to be shared here: heuristics.
If you’re not familiar with it, heuristics is simply a mental shortcut. For instance, if you find yourself needing to make a quick decision (check out “Before You Make A Life-Altering Decision, Read This.”), you may rely on heuristics to do it (even if it’s subconsciously). The challenge with that is oftentimes heuristics will only provide you with a limited amount of data and information, and relying only on that could cause you to not make the best choice, if you’re not careful. And boy, when heuristics jump into your fantasy space — well, something that immediately comes to my mind is celebrity culture.
Ain’t it wild how people will be on social media, speaking so confidently, about someone—or someone’s relationship—as if they personally know them (when they absolutely don’t)? I mean, just because someone is attractive or you’ve seen them carry themselves well in an interview or two, that doesn’t automatically mean that they are the ideal person or that they are someone to set your own dating standards by. If you’re not careful, though, heuristics and fantasies may encourage you to think otherwise.
That’s because the combo will try and get your brain to jump to all sorts of conclusions and, if you don’t keep that in check, it could result in you making premature, counterproductive, or even straight-up reckless decisions — because remember, a fantasy tends to be about suppressing an urge or desire.
Honestly, whether you are in a relationship or not, if you are fantasizing about a particular individual, understanding why you are doing that should definitely be explored.
However, if you are with someone and you’re fantasizing about someone else, you really shouldn’t ignore what is transpiring because, although by definition, there’s a good chance that whatever and whomever you are fantasizing about will never come to pass, the fact that it’s taking up some of your mental and emotional space, that needs to be acknowledged. Because if there is something that you want or need, and you seem to believe that your fantasies are better at supplying that for you than the reality of your relationship, why is that?
Let’s keep going…
What Does (or Could) It Mean If You Fantasize About Someone Else During Sex?
GiphyIt’s pretty common that a random song will come to mind whenever I’m writing an article. Today? It was Guy’s “My Fantasy.” Then a sitcom did — King of Queens, and the episode when Doug and Carrie were talking about his sexual fantasies. The song is about images that the fellas randomly have about beautiful women. The episode was about Carrie wanting to dictate to Doug what and whom he could fantasize about because some of his sexual fantasies made her feel uncomfortable or intimidated.
And both of these are a pretty solid intro into whether there is something wrong with sexually fantasizing about someone, especially while having sex with someone else. Well, before getting into all of that, I think another article that I read on the topic brings up a pretty good point — that it’s important to think about where your fantasies are coming from: your imagination, things you see on social media, porn that you may have watched, people who you actually know…and if it’s the latter, is it someone from your past or someone from your present?
Yeah, knowing the source of your fantasies can definitely help you to understand how “deep” into your fantasies you might be.
What I mean by that is, seeing a beautiful man one time and randomly thinking about what it would be like to have sex with him on some beach vacation is quite different than constantly thinking about your ex, the sex you used to have with him and then fantasizing about it For one thing, the beautiful guy, you will probably never have access to. That ex, though? Well, at the very least, that is a bit more realistic, right?
Then there’s the fact that, again, a fantasy is a suppressed urge or desire. When it comes to the beautiful man, is it his looks that you long for, or is it something deeper? And that ex of yours? Lawd, now why, when you have your own man in your own bed, is your ex “scratching some sort of itch”? Because we all know what they say — “he’s your ex for a reason,” so why is he creeping up into your intimacy space now that the relationship is over? Is something unresolved?
Are there sexual needs that he met that your current partner isn’t (check out “You Love Him. You Prefer Sex With Your Ex. What Should You Do?”)? Is something currently transpiring in your current relationship that you are using fantasies about your ex to escape from?
You see, although when it comes to the topic of fantasizing about others when you’re having sex with someone else might seem like the a cut-and-dried, “Don’t do it, end of discussion” — as someone who works with couples for a living, I think the bigger concern isn’t if another guy comes into your mind during sex with your partner…it’s more about WHY is that happening to begin with. Because if you need to escape from where you are, if you can’t be present with your partner, something is definitely up.
When Should You Be Concerned About the Fantasies You Are Having?
GiphyDuring the last several months of breaking up (because we all know that sometimes breaking up is a process) with the last boyfriend whom I will have in this lifetime, I recall fantasizing about other people while having sex with him. It’s because I really wasn’t attracted to or interested in him, sexually, anymore — but I was a bit fearful of what it would mean to let the entire relationship go.
And boy, is that a huge red flag because I wasn’t fantasizing about some random famous person one time during sex — I was relying on images, my imagination, and previous experiences with other people to literally get me through the act. NOT. GOOD.
Y’all, one of the greatest and most profound forms of communication and connection between two people is sexual intimacy, and so, when it transpires, it really should only be about the two of them. That said, should you freak out over a thought about someone who creeps up into your mind every once in a while? Chile, more people have that happen than they will ever admit out loud.
On the other hand, should you worry if you’re like I was? I’ll put it this way — you should definitely be concerned because the last thing that you should be feeling during sex with someone is like you are suppressing what you need and/or that you want to escape from the moments that you are experiencing with them.
And yet, if that is indeed the case, though, what should you do?
Start with doing some sex journaling. Write down your fantasies, the sources of them, and why you are leaning on them in this season (check out “The Art Of Sex Journaling (And Why You Should Do It)”). If they are tied to unrealistic situations, be real with yourself about that. If they are rooted in potential possibilities, do some journaling about how much you are “feeding into” that reality and what you think would be the wisest way to move forward, both for your sake as well as your relationship.
Talk to your partner. Each relationship is different, and so, while I’m not going to recommend that everyone just blurt out that they’ve been thinking about having sex with their co-worker or college sweetheart while having sex with their partner, I do think that the suppressed urges and desires (in general) should be mentioned. Sometimes, fantasies are birthed out of boredom (check out “If You're Not Having Great Sex, This Is (Probably) Why” and “Common Sex Problems Couples Have (& How To Fix 'Em)”) and doing something like creating a sex bucket list (check out “This Is How To Create The Best Kind Of ‘Sex Bucket List’”) can breathe new life into your bedroom.
Plus, sharing some of your deepest thoughts, feelings, and needs (in a kind, thoughtful, and mature way) can cultivate more emotional intimacy with your partner, and that can definitely be a good thing.
Consider seeing a sex therapist. If, after doing both of these things, the fantasies seem to be getting stronger and louder, you might need to make an appointment with a reputable sex therapist (check out “Have You Ever Wondered If You Should See A Sex Therapist?”). They may be able to help you to “connect some dots” about what’s going on that you wouldn’t have considered without their help, because sex therapists are trained in helping individuals sort out the mental and emotional sides of intimacy, not just the physical ones.
____
Are fantasies bad? They aren’t. However, when it comes to sexual ones, a quote by Benjamin Franklin absolutely comes to mind: “If passion drives you, let reason hold the reins.”
And that, right there, should be a guiding message for how you should process the fantasies that you do have.
Amen? Sho’ you right.
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Featured image by Giphy