December is about creating magic in your life. Things are coming full circle as we close out the year, and there is a lot of love to tend to, priorities to maintain, and success to obtain. We have a few planets going direct this month signaling a moving forward and an overcoming of obstacles. December is typically the month to wind down and prepare for the new year, but there is work to do this month and intentions to manifest.
On the first day of the month, we have a New Moon in Sagittarius, and hope is high right now. This is a great time to think of your future, and to plant the seeds for the successes you want to see this month. Sagittarius is all about taking risks, owning what is authentic to them, and creating abundance in their lives through their open-minded perspectives. Mercury is currently retrograde in Sagittarius until mid-month, and this New Moon is a good opportunity and opening for some more clarity and grace during challenging times within communication.
December 2024 Monthly Horoscope Insights
Mars goes retrograde on Dec. 6, a transit that only occurs every few years. Mars will be retrograde in Leo until Jan. 6, 2024, and then will be retrograde in Cancer from then until going direct on Feb. 23, 2024. This retrograde transit is a time of redirecting your passion, and energy and taking more time for intentional actions rather than rushed or impulsive ones. Mars retrograde in Leo heightens the ego, and some power struggles could play out.
Venus going direct in Leo opposite sign the following day until Jan. 2, will help balance this energy out a lot, and the key over the next few months is to consider other’s heart and perspective as well as your own.
We have a Full Moon in Gemini on Dec. 15 and Mercury goes direct the same day, and this is when things start to get interesting this month. Breakthroughs are occurring, old chapters are disappearing, and gratitude is strong. Capricorn Season officially begins on Dec. 21, and we are able to ground the energy we have been developing this month. Capricorn Season highlights your ambitions, successes, and sense of abundance and tradition. This is a beautiful time to work on the things that matter to you and to feel some more support in your life.
Chiron goes direct in Aries on Dec. 29 after being retrograde here since the end of July, and old wounds are healing. With Chiron now direct in this fire sign, something is empowering about the lessons we have learned this year and a sense of personal growth that is heartening. Before December ends, we have another New Moon, highlighting the new paths we are walking into right now.
The New Moon in Capricorn is on Dec. 30, and it is the second Capricorn New Moon of the year, and dreams are becoming a reality. Think back to January of this year and what you were intending for yourself and your life, as these same themes are manifesting for you again, but this time, you have more wisdom, support, and stability to receive them.
Read for your sun and rising sign below to see what December has in store for you.
AriesKyra Jay for xoNecoleARIES
December is an adventurous month for you, and you are feeling the self-empowerment in your life, Aries. Things are moving forward for you right now and with the Sun in your 9th house of adventure for most of December and a New Moon here on the first day of the month, you are seeking more freedom and personal development right now. You are expanding your world, having fun, and doing what makes sense for you.
Your ruling planet Mars goes retrograde on Dec. 6 for the next couple of months, and you are learning more about your passions, direction, and where you want to put more energy into your life. This is the time to be more patient with creative and romantic experiences and to trust the process more. Chiron goes direct in your sign before the month ends on Dec. 29, and your heart is healing. With Chiron now direct you are feeling emotionally enlivened and transformed as you end the year.
TaurusKyra Jay for xoNecoleTAURUS
This month is a coming together in love, and a new beginning for you within your close relationships, Taurus. Venus enters your 10th house of success, recognition, and reputation on Dec. 7, and you are feeling the connection and support in your life. Your efforts are being encouraged, and you are being well-received exactly as you are showing up today. With the Sun also in an area of your life that has to do with love, intimacy, and resources, you are gaining a lot of clarity on the different relationship dynamics in your life, and feeling a lot of growth here.
Before the month ends, we have a New Moon in fellow earth sign, Capricorn, and you are ending the year on a high note. This New Moon is a great time to set your intentions and manifest your dreams for the next year and you are feeling especially hopeful as you end 2024. Don’t be afraid to take calculated risks during this time, as it’s about thinking big right now and expanding your horizons.
GeminiKyra Jay for xoNecoleGEMINI
We enter the month we have a New Moon in your opposite sign, meaning love is being activated for you this month. This is a good time to think about the new paths your heart is walking on right now, and to know that your perspective on it all is going to determine how things play out for you. Gratitude is the attitude this month, and it’s all about focusing on the things you can control, rather than what you can’t.
Mid-December is an important time for you, Gemini. There is a Full Moon in Gemini happening on this day, and Mercury goes direct. You are feeling more in tune and balanced with what is happening in your life and around you, and are feeling a new sense of security between your personal goals and your relationship needs. You are getting the closure you have needed and it’s helping you let go of what has not been serving you or your heart.
CancerKyra Jay for xoNecoleCANCER
Things are picking up for you this month, Cancer. You are moving forward freely, taking new opportunities into your hands, and feeling courageous. With the Sun in your 6th house of health, work life, lifestyle, and daily routine, and a New Moon here on the first day of the month, your responsibilities may be heightened this month but you have the energy and passion within you to get things done right now. You are feeling encouraged to succeed, and are moving into a time of success in December.
Mercury goes direct on Dec. 15, and this will bring more ease and communication within your work life, and you will feel more heard and seen than you may have been these past few weeks while Mercury was in retrograde. On Dec. 30, a New Moon in Capricorn is happening, and you are leaving the year feeling a breakthrough occur for you in love. A lot of this month and this year you have needed to focus more on yourself and your dreams, but as you close out 2024, you are ready to let some more people into your world.
LeoKyra Jay for xoNecoleLEO
This month is all about balancing your priorities, Leo. Only take on what you feel you can handle right now, and don’t burn yourself out before your dreams come to fruition. Mars goes retrograde in your sign from Dec. 6 until Jan. 6, and there is a lot to process emotionally and personally right now. You may be feeling some power struggles in your life during this time, and it’s about owning your power without trying to force or control outcomes.
With Venus entering your house of love on Dec. 7 until 2025, don’t forget that you have support in your life, and lean on people when you need to. It’s okay to ask for help, and this month, you may need to reach out. The Full Moon in Gemini on Dec. 15, is a great time to be with friends, and your community, and to take note of the dreams that have come to fruition for you this year. There is a lot to be grateful for as the year ends, remember to focus on the gifts of that.
VirgoKyra Jay for xoNecoleVIRGO
December is a new beginning for you, Virgo. You have found your stability, and are feeling confident on the ground you are walking on right now. New beginnings, experiences, and opportunities are more likely for you in the home, and there is a lot of excitement in your world right now. The New Moon on the 1st is a great time to set your intentions for your home life, foundations, family, and inner well-being.
Neptune goes direct in your 7th house of love after being retrograde here since the summer, and your relationships are receiving more understanding, clarity, and hope. You are experiencing a coming together in your life that is making you feel more self-secure and stable as you walk into the new year. Your ruling planet Mercury goes direct on Dec. 15 as well after being in retrograde these past few weeks, and the seeds you have planted are ready to bloom. The feeling of uneasiness or uncertainty is leaving your life this month, as things clear up for you in your private and personal life.
LibraKyra Jay for xoNecoleLIBRA
You are feeling all the feels this month, Libra. Emotions are heightened, but so is your intuition, and you are seeking truths. This is a great month for communication matters, for figuring things out, and for connecting through the heart. On Dec. 7, Venus enters your 5th house of romance, and you are ready for some more fun in love. Your love life is an area of your life where you feel more confident and emotionally in tune as you end the year, and there is a lot to look forward to here this month.
On Dec. 15, we have a Full Moon in fellow air sign, Gemini, and culminations are occurring and helping you see things in a new light. This Full Moon is bringing things full circle within the mind, and this is a good time to gain some guidance, renew, and mentally heal. The New Moon before the month ends on Dec. 30 is about creating breakthroughs in the home and with your close loved ones, and your focus should be on what you want to manifest in this area of your life for the next year.
ScorpioKyra Jay for xoNecoleSCORPIO
December is all about patience, Scorpio. This is the time of the year when you should focus on rest, letting things come to you, and trusting the divine timing of your life. With the Sun in your 2nd house of income for most of the month, and a New Moon here on the 1st, new developments are happening for you financially, but you may need some time to fully accept, grasp, and understand them. It’s about nurturing your dreams, and not doubting them right now.
Mars, one of your ruling planets, goes retrograde mid-month, and this is bringing things to a head within career matters. This is your time to refocus your ambitions, redefine how you want to show up and what you want to be known for, and let opportunities come to you. Mercury goes direct a week later, and this is even further clearing things up for you when it comes to your security in life, and you can attain more success, wealth, and assets moving forward. Overall, December is a big month for you financially, and a key moment in understanding the importance of patience and trust.
SagittariusKyra Jay for xoNecoleSAGITTARIUS
Trust your intuition this month. It’s your season, beautiful, Sag, and you are feeling the synergy and fulfillment in your life. You have grown in so many ways this year and your wisdom and knowledge are inspiring others. This month is all about standing in your empowerment, owning what you know, and moving yourself forward. The light is shining on you, and you are manifesting success and beauty in your world.
Mercury has been retrograde in your sign since Nov. 25, and will finally go direct on the 15th. This is doing wonders for your soul, your goals, and the new beginnings you are seeking, and you are mentally feeling a lot more clear-headed now. A Full Moon in Gemini is happening on the same day, activating your heart space, and it’s all about balancing what you know with what you feel. Trust that what is blooming in your life is meant for you and that what isn’t meant for you, won’t become.
CapricornKyra Jay for xoNecoleCAPRICORN
Things are getting exciting for you in December, Capricorn. You are one of the stars of the show this month, and you are overcoming the past in major ways. Venus enters Aquarius on Dec. 7, and this is bringing love and protection into your finances, values, and self-confidence in life. This is a great time for seeing manifestations bloom for you in love as well, and also for investing in yourself more. Mercury goes direct in your 7th house of romance and partnership mid-month, and this is even further helping you feel a lot more supported and in harmony than you have been feeling recently.
Capricorn Season officially begins on Dec. 21, and it’s your time to shine and move forward, beautiful! You have fewer restrictions and obstacles towards your new beginnings and are entering 2025 at full speed. Before we close out the year the second New Moon in Capricorn occurs on Dec. 30, and you are proving to yourself the power of your mind and what you have created for yourself. This is a great month for feeling empowered, independent, and successful overall.
AquariusKyra Jay for xoNecoleAQUARIUS
Life is coming to fruition for you in magnificent ways this month, Aquarius. You are feeling fulfilled, loved, and accomplished and you have risen above the mess. The Sun is in your 11th house of friendship for most of this month, and this is a good time to connect with the people who understand and support you and to take the time to feel gratitude for this area of your life. Mars goes retrograde in your 7th house of love on Dec. 6, and dynamics will be changing for you within your relationships over the next few months, so having balance here and trying to focus more on what does work rather than what doesn’t, is needed.
Venus enters Aquarius on the 7th, and this is when you are going to feel a lot more of the sweetness that this month is bringing into your life. Support is coming in, and you are being reminded how loved you are. On Dec. 15, there is a Full Moon in your house of romance happening as well, and your heart is the focus. The closures and conclusions you have been seeking are coming to the forefront, and you can see the light at the end of the tunnel. Remember that you deserve good love, Aquarius.
PiscesKyra Jay for xoNecolePISCES
December is all about being hopeful, Pisces. Gifts and opportunities come to you when you need them, and finding your stability and self-assurance amid change is needed right now. Right as the month begins, there is a New Moon in your 10th house of career and aspirations, and there is a lot to look forward to. This is a good time to set your intentions for your professional world and social life and to seek new opportunities and connections here.
Neptune, one of your ruling planets, goes direct on the 7th after being retrograde in Pisces since this summer, and your heart can breathe a little better now. Any confusion you have been feeling regarding what you want for yourself and your life is clearing up for you now, and your hope for it all is healing. On Dec. 15, a Full Moon in your 4th house of stability occurs, and this is going to help you feel more grounded through the midst of change that you are currently in in your life.
Remind yourself often this month, that all is well, and everything is working in your favor.
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Featured image by Kyra Jay for xoNecole
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A big part of the clarity that is coming through this month is due to Neptune going direct in Pisces on December 10, after being retrograde here since July. With Neptune now direct, we are able to see our inspiration and creativity a little more clearly, providing the perfect energy for dreams and manifestation to be built upon. The smoke is clearing, and it’s up to you to decide what you want to do with this newfound clarity that this transit is bringing. Mercury also moves back into Sagittarius on December 11, which is great for communication and clarity, and the adventures you were trying to see through at the beginning of November come around for you again with greater purpose and support.
On December 15, Mars enters Capricorn until the end of January 2026, and this is the extra push we need to make important changes and to be on the path towards greater abundance, stability, and prosperity. Mars in Capricorn takes care of business, and we have extra energy at our disposal during this time to do so. This transit is an ideal time to focus on your career or financial goals for next year and to start putting some of these plans into motion now. A few days later, we have the New Moon of the month, which will be in Sagittarius on December 19, and this is the perfect New Moon to manifest.
The energy is high, magic is in the air, and it’s all about moving forward with the new beginnings that are inspiring you and bringing you joy to think about right now.
Capricorn Season officially begins on December 21, and this earth sign energy is how we heal, gain closure, and build new foundations in our world. With Venus also moving into a Capricorn a few days later, there is something about peace, prosperity, and security that we are gaining in life and in love as we close out the year, and this is what we need right now. This month is about reflecting on what was, letting go of old hurt, and renewing. December is an ending and a new beginning in one, and there is magic in this space to be created.
Read for your sun and rising sign below to see what December 2025 has in store for you.
AriesKyra Jay for xoNecoleARIES
December is a full-circle moment for you, Aries. You are seeing the gifts in your world and have a lot of gratitude for the way things have come about for you as of late. There are culminations in your world that are providing you with more abundance, stability, and community, and you are exactly where you are meant to be this month. With the Sun in a fellow fire sign and in your 9th house of travel for most of the month, December is a good time to get out of your comfort zone, explore the world around you, and get your body moving.
Mars, your ruling planet, also makes a change and moves into Capricorn on December 15, which will fuel your inspiration and power in your career space. You are making a lot of professional progress as we close out the year; however, make sure to be more mindful of your competitive drive right now. The New Moon on December 19 is the perfect opportunity for you to create some new plans and goals when it comes to traveling, education, and where you want to gain some new inspiration in your world. Overall, this is a month of things coming together for you serendipitously.
TaurusKyra Jay for xoNecoleTAURUS
December is about trusting your intuition, Taurus. You have a lot on your mind this month, and it’s best to delegate, communicate, and allow yourself some relief by opening up to someone and not feeling like you have to hold everything in. As we begin the month, we have a Supermoon in Gemini happening in your house of income, and the plans and projects you have been building here come to fruition for you now. This is the time to gain clarity on your financial world and to take a look at what spending habits you want to let go of here as well.
With Venus in your 8th house of shared resources for most of the month, you are doing a cleanse on your commitments, partnerships, and business ventures. You are taking a look at what you want to dedicate yourself to in the future, and what commitments you may need to let go of now in order to be in the space you truly want to be, both financially and within some of your relationship dynamics. Before we end the month, we have a New Moon in this same area of your chart, and it’s time to look at the opportunities that are presenting themselves and to trust your internal guidance system to lead you forward.
GeminiKyra Jay for xoNecoleGEMINI
You are moving forward fearlessly this month, Gemini. December is your month of love, passion, and dignity, and you are owning the light that you shine. We begin the month with the last Supermoon of the year, happening in your sign, and you are stepping up to the plate. You are showing up, owning how much you have grown this year, and allowing yourself to heal while also acknowledging that you have done your best and you deserve to have fun in the midst of the changes you are creating.
Mercury, your ruling planet, is officially out of retrograde, and you can use this energy to the fullest potential now. With Mercury in your 7th house of love, it’s time to speak from the heart and to talk about the things that matter and that are inspiring you right now to your loved ones. You never know what kind of epiphanies you may have when you open up the conversation to others. Before the month ends, you have a New Moon in this same love area of your chart, and this New Moon is all about manifesting romance, commitment, and abundance in your world.
CancerKyra Jay for xoNecoleCANCER
December is an opening for more love, more joy, and more freedom in your life, Cancer. You have come to a place where you hold so much gratitude in your heart for where you are today and where your heart is shining, and things come together for you with more ease right now. With the Sun in your 6th house of health, work, and daily routines for most of the month, you are getting your ducks in a row while also putting more energy and effort into taking care of yourself, your priorities, and your well-being. This month surprises you in many ways, and it’s because you are showing up.
Mars and Venus both move into your house of love, relationships, marriage, and abundance this month, and you are making strides in your love life. You have both of these opposing forces on your side and are being recognized for the love you are while also receiving the love you want. This month, overall, is about focusing more on the positives in your world and letting your heart have its joy. Before December comes to an end, there is a New Moon in Sagittarius, and this is the perfect opportunity to create the plans you want to see through next year, especially when it comes to your work life, colleagues, business ventures, and health.
LeoKyra Jay for xoNecoleLEO
The scales of karma are balancing, and they are balancing in your favor this month, Leo. December is your month of truth, and of seeing it clearly in your world. The Sun is in your house of romance, pleasure, and happiness for most of the month, and it’s time to relax, be in the present moment, and allow what is meant to be, to be. With a Supermoon in your 11th house of manifestation as December begins, this is a powerful month for seeing your dreams come to fruition, and for feeling like the intentions you have set this year are finally here for you now.
Mars also moves into your 6th house mid-month, and this is the perfect energy to have to move into the new year. You have extra energy at your disposal right now and are feeling fearless with what is possible for you and your daily routine. Before the month ends, we also have a New Moon in a fellow fire sign, Sagittarius, and this is a breakthrough moment for you and your heart. December, overall, wants to show you how loved and supported you are and will be doing so in magical, unexpected, and concrete ways.
VirgoKyra Jay for xoNecoleVIRGO
December is a month of victory, Virgo. You are showing up and experiencing some new successes in your world that move you forward on your path in life. With a Supermoon in your 10th house of career as we begin the month, the effort and intentions you have made this year come into full bloom, and you are being recognized for who you are and the good work you have done. This month is all about showing up and allowing yourself to be seen and loved, knowing that you deserve the support and opportunities you are receiving.
Mars moves into Capricorn on December 15, which brings the passion and excitement into your love life, hobbies, and little pleasures in life that light you up. You want to have fun this month and are going to be walking into the new year with this fearless, happy, and spontaneous energy within you. Before the month ends, Venus also enters Capricorn, and in this same area of your chart, you have a lot to look forward to and believe in right now. Overall, December wants you to be happy and will be doing everything possible to make that happen for you. This is your month to shine, Virgo.
LibraKyra Jay for xoNecoleLIBRA
December is a month of opportunity for you, Libra. New doors open, and you are financially making breakthroughs this month because of it. December begins with a Supermoon in your 9th house, and you are getting a clearer view of where you have been making strides in your life and how it has all brought you here to this present moment of freedom. This month is showing you what happens when you are fearless with your purpose and when you believe in yourself and what you are worthy of.
Moving further into December, Mars moves into your 4th house of home and family mid-month, and you are closing out the year in your safe spaces. You are spending more time with your loved ones and taking the time to quiet your mind and listen to what your heart has been telling you. Before the month ends, we have a New Moon in Sagittarius, happening in an area of your life that deals with communication. This is a great time for getting the answers you have been looking for and for feeling more clear-headed and confident about the decisions you are making as you move into the new year.
ScorpioKyra Jay for xoNecoleSCORPIO
Patience is a virtue this month, Scorpio. December is all about remaining patient and vigilant with what you are creating in your world, and knowing that the universe has your back. It’s time to be reminded of the power of hope, and this month is an opening to greater clarity in your life. There is a lot of energy in your financial zones right now, and this is providing you with new opportunities and new insight; however, the speed at which things come about for you may feel daunting. Keep your head up and eyes focused on what you want and know that you are more than worthy of receiving it.
With Mercury in your 2nd house of income this month, December is a good time to plant new seeds and to think about where you want to be financially a month from now or even a year. This month is asking you to think bigger and to think more long-term so that you can set the appropriate plans into motion now. We also have a New Moon in your house of income before the month ends, and this is when you will see more of your dreams come to fruition in this area of your life, and have more opportunities to build. Overall, December will be teaching you a lot, Scorpio.
SagittariusKyra Jay for xoNecoleSAGITTARIUS
Sagittarius Season is here, and there is a lot in store for you this month, Sag. December is all about what you are dedicating yourself to. It’s about setting your intentions and putting the work in to back up your dreams, and about getting things in order so that when the new beginnings come, you are ready for them. The Sun and Venus are in your sign for most of this month, and there are a lot of eyes on you right now. You have the potential to create a new beginning for yourself, and it’s time to invest in yourself, your love life, and your dreams.
Mercury moves into Sagittarius on December 11, and this is giving you another opportunity to see through some of the plans that you had initiated in November. Mercury was retrograde in your sign last month, and there may have been some disruptions to your vision and plans for the future, and now this energy is turning around for you. Before the month ends, we also have a New Moon in Sagittarius, and you are walking through new doors fearlessly. You are catching others by surprise by your growth this month, and you are thinking a lot about your purpose, future, and plans for the new year.
CapricornKyra Jay for xoNecoleCAPRICORN
December is all about the vision, Capricorn. You are moving through a lot of changes and transformations this month, yet they are giving you a chance at a new beginning in the process. You are focused more on the future and what goals you want to manifest for yourself right now, and are ready to let go of what hasn’t been working for you. With the Sun in your 12th house of closure for most of December, this is your time for healing, but remember, healing doesn’t have to be isolating or boring; you can thrive while you renew, and you are this month.
Mid-month, the excitement picks up for you, and you are feeling more energized than you have in a while. Mars moves into Capricorn until the end of January 2026, and you are being proactive with your goals, intentions, and passions. You are a force to be reckoned with this month, and you are making things happen for yourself with confidence. Capricorn Season officially begins on December 21 this year, and this is definitely speeding up your healing process. You are breaking free from what was, and with Venus also moving into Capricorn before the month ends, you are leaving this year in high spirits and with love opening a new door for you.
AquariusKyra Jay for xoNecoleAQUARIUS
December is all about community, creativity, and manifestation, Aquarius. This is the month to work together with others to help bring your dreams to life. You are in a space of inspiration, empowerment, and beauty, and are creating more of this energy around you and in your world. Look out for what support comes your way this month and know that you don’t have to do everything alone to succeed. With the Sun in your 11th house of manifestation and friendship, your intentions are coming to fruition, and it’s time to celebrate with the people you love and to own how far you have come this year.
On December 19, we have a New Moon in Sagittarius, lighting up your life in all of the best ways possible. This is your New Moon of freedom, victory, and magic, and you are seeing new beginnings appear that you were once just hoping for. Before the month comes to an end, Venus moves into your 12th house of closure, and after an active and successful month, you are ready to relax, heal, and give your heart some of the attention it has been asking for. You are moving into the new year with the need to release and renew what hasn’t been working in your relationships, and you are finally ready to.
PiscesKyra Jay for xoNecolePISCES
December is a big month for you, Pisces. You are making some huge accomplishments this month, and are feeling like everything you have been through this year has been worth it for these moments that are coming to fruition for you now. The Sun is in your 10th house of career and reputation for most of the month, and this is where a lot of your focus is right now. You are claiming your successes and putting yourself out there in ways that not only serve you, but that inspire others as well.
Neptune officially goes direct on December 10, after being retrograde in your sign since July, and you are finally seeing things a little more clearly. You are feeling renewed inspiration and passion in your life, and your intuition is your strongest asset right now. Before December comes to an end, we also have a New Moon in your 10th house of career, and what happens now not only changes things for you in the present, but it also opens new doors and what is possible for you in the new year as well. Overall, you are on top of your game this month and are owning the joy and empowerment you feel.
Featured image by Kyra Jay for xoNecole
Things like what exactly? So glad that you asked.
How Serious Is the Relationship?
GiphyOkay, so if you’ve never heard of the “10-date rule” before, it’s basically the belief that after 10 consecutive dates with someone, it’s time to come to the conclusion that you are officially in a relationship with them. Personally, I have lived, observed and counseled enough people to say that when it comes to knowing where you stand with another person, you shouldn’t assume one damn thing — you should 1000 percent communicate your thoughts and listen to theirs in return.
That said, it is a bit different (wouldn’t you say?) if you’ve been out on a couple of dates with someone vs. if you’ve been with them for almost a year. So yeah, the first thing to ponder is how serious the dynamic is. Because honestly, if things are new and fairly casual, I don’t see how ending things, whether it’s the holiday season or not, is going to matter much — one way or another.
Remember, the holidays tend to be a very emotional time; however, if there isn’t a huge emotional investment going on, I don’t think anyone in a casual situation is going to look back and think that you are a villain (or Grinch), just because you’d prefer not to go on a third date with them. Good lord.
Next point.
Do You Want to Slow Down or End Things Entirely?
GiphyAre you totally over him or is it more like there are some things about the situation that you want to step back and ponder before making any major decisions about the future? If the answer is “B,” I recommend talking it over ASAP; especially if the two of you have been seeing each other for a while at this point. I say this because, whether you all are at the “meet the family” (or have already met the family) stage or not, when people are in a relationship, they tend to factor one another into their holiday plans — and it’s hella inconsiderate to not take this into account when it comes to the guy who you are seeing.
That said, I will say this: It’s mighty interesting that you are choosing this time of the year for this type of relational self-reflection — so, while you’re on this break, think about what it symbolizes.
For instance, are you slowing things down right now because you’re not sure if you want to go into a new year with him or are you doing it because spending the holidays together tends to represent that a relationship is far deeper than you want yours to be right now? Because really, you could’ve gone with the summertime (for example) not the holiday season to make this type of move…so, if your “pump the brakes” time is now, chances are, there is some subconscious subtext going on that you really should get to the root of.
Actual Holidays Are a DEFINITE No-No
GiphyYou would think that this wouldn’t need to be said yet since I once experienced a guy who decided to be a complete a*shole on my birthday some years back — yeah, let’s address it. Isn’t it interesting that one study revealed that during the first week of December, searches for how to break-up with someone go up by a whopping 60 percent? Then, if you add to that the fact that the holidays can sometimes be pretty stressful — well, while most folks with a heart and a conscience wouldn’t dream of breaking up with someone on an actual holiday, sometimes the pressure of everything can create the perfect storm for it to happen anyway.
That said, a super-duper throwback song by Neil Sedaka entitled, “Breaking Up Is Hard to Do” — and it absolutely is. Know what makes it worse: It happening on a holiday, so that every time the day rolls around, it’s bittersweet because you remember that someone broke up with you then.
Listen, just because you may not love or even like someone (in that way) anymore, that doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t treat them with some common decency and respect. Besides, don’t you also want your own Thanksgiving, Christmas Eve, Christmas Day, New Year’s Eve and New Year’s Day to be as unscathed and drama-less as possible?
Whatever you’re gonna do, you’re grown, chile. If you want my advice, though — put good energy into your future holiday seasons and avoid breaking up (or even having deep decisions) on actual holidays.
Definitely Keep the Golden Rule in Mind
GiphyProbably, until the end of time, there are going to be debates about whether karma is real (in the sense of it being scientifically proven). While quite a bit of data says that it isn’t and that it tends to be adapted and promoted by certain faiths more than anything — if you do believe that you reap what you sow (Galatians 6:7-8), at the end of the day, that is pretty much what karma is all about and, as I oftentimes say, karma (or sowing and reaping) don’t have expiration dates. In other words, what you have said and done can manifest in ways and at times that you never saw coming. A cautionary tale, indeed.
So yeah — even if you’ve been with ole’ boy for a while now, you’ve tried to make it work and you just don’t see a future for the two of you anymore, however you decide to end it, definitely keep the golden rule of doing unto others as you would want them to do unto you in mind.
Be as kind as you are honest. Be as empathetic (putting yourself in his shoes) as much as you possibly can. Avoid gaslighting him about how he feels about your decision. Be clear about how you’d like things to be moving forward (for instance, if you actually DON’T want to be friends afterwards, there’s no need to say it). And try not to do anything that will make him feel used — like waiting until after receiving a Christmas gift to end it (you’d be amazed by how many people do exactly that. SMDH).
The thing about break-ups is, live long enough, and you’re probably going to be on the giving and receiving end of one. So, even if you’re not really emotionally invested in your relationship anymore, be kind to your future self and be as respectful as possible throughout your…relational transition. Because even if you don’t feel like he deserves it, your feelings up the road, with someone else who may do the same thing to you…absolutely do.
Timing Is Everything
GiphyA bishop by the name of Fulton J. Sheen once said, “Patience is power. Patience is not an absence of action; rather it is ‘timing’ it waits on the right time to act, for the right principles and in the right way.” And while it might seem really challenging to figure out when the RIGHT time to break up with someone is — “right” is about using good judgment, right is about conforming to certain principles (like integrity and fairness), right is about doing things in order. Now with that in mind, is the RIGHT TIMING now or should it be later?
Only you can really answer that yet what I will say is if your mind, body and spirit aren’t on the same page — figure out why before making any moves. Oh, and if it’s simply about fear — girl, whether it’s November 30, December 9 or January 14…break-ups are always going to be uncomfortable. It’s about knowing what’s best for you and then ending things in a way that is as respectful, timing-wise, as possible (again, due to the whole karma thing).
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‘Tis the season and sometimes “out with the old” means leaving a relationship behind. Just make sure that you move with wisdom and discernment and not hypersensitivity and knee-jerking.
That way, you can look back on every holiday season with as little regret as possible.
Due to how you handled things. Including a (potential) break-up.
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