

The G Spot: Activating Your Inner Sex Goddess With Crystal Wands
'Tis the season of sensuality, pleasure, and self-indulgence with hella planets in Taurus right now, placing an emphasis on our physical, earthly experience. This energy encourages us to get embodied by enjoying the sensory experience of life like basking in mother nature, enjoying your favorite comfort foods and having a whole lot of sex (cues Megan Thee Stallion's Fever).
When most people think of sex, they likely imagine a passionate exchange between two people; however, we can't overlook the importance of practicing acts of self-pleasure, which can be equally beneficial as a shared experience with a partner.
As taboo as masturbation is, for whatever reason, there are many benefits to being more intentional about including this practice in your self-care routine. According to Planned Parenthood, "Masturbation can release sexual tension, reduce stress, help you sleep better, improve your self-esteem and body image, help treat sexual problems, relieve menstrual cramps, etc…" Not only is masturbation good for your physical health but it can also help you strengthen your relationship with self by giving you the chance to explore yourself, what you like, and don't like.
Developing greater body awareness can make it easier for you to communicate your needs with your sexual partner.
Now there are many ways to do the do—some like the old-fashioned finger or two, others are more into the bells and whistles that come with a five-speed vibrator, and then there's the exceptionally innovative cucumber crew. My personal preference is the traditional method but every now and then I may opt for my toy. After working with Yoni eggs for a couple of years and completing a coaching program last summer, I was gifted my first crystal wand—a girthy, 7-inch, spiraled Rose Quartz wand that I've infrequently referred to as "Mandingo".
Vanessa Cuccia, the mastermind behind the renowned Chakrubs, created her own line of crystal sex toys in hopes of dismantling the stigma around sexual expression. After spending time working in a Los Angeles sex toy shop, Cuccia knew that she had something else to offer the self-pleasure industry. In a 2018 interview with Refinery29, she said:
"I came up with the concept of Chakrubs in 2011 when I was working in an adult shop and living with a spiritual teacher who deepened my understanding of crystal healing. I wanted to create a mindful practice that sensitises you to subtle energetic vibrations, creating a more emotional connection. This is what I needed when I created the concept – a great orgasm, plus a way to connect to myself on a deeper level."
Read on to learn more about how to access the healing power of crystal dildos in your self-love, self-healing, and self-pleasure practices.
Types of Crystal Wands: Rose Quartz, Obsidian, and Amethyst—Oh My!
When it comes to investing in your first crystal, there are a few things to consider—the first being the energy you'd like to cultivate (or release).
Each crystal has its own special components that can offer a variety of experiences unique to the individual using it. As it pertains to crystal wands, the most popular go-to's include Rose Quartz, Black Obsidian, and Amethyst. If you're focused on amplifying self-love and soothing emotional distress, Rose Quartz is your best bet. Black Obsidian is more of a heavy hitter with its potential to unlock repressed sexual trauma and shame surrounding your sexuality. For those of you trying to get your third eye popping, Amethyst is your friend and this crystal is also good for alleviating anxiety.
There are a few other crystals to consider that may better suit your intentions so make sure to do your research prior to making your purchase. You may even wish to simply follow your intuition, as your spirit will be drawn to the energy that you can benefit from the most.
Crystal Wands: Length or Width?
Now it's time to get choosy. Crystal wands come in different sizes and shapes for those of you ladies that prefer the curve ;) A standard wand is about 7 inches long and 1 and a half inches wide. The slim wand is the same length but only a little over an inch wide. The curved wand featuring a bulbous end is perfect for stimulating your G-spot measuring about 6.75 inches long and 1.25 inches wide. Some wands feature enhancements such as the gentle ridges featured on the spiral wands.
It's also imperative that you purchase your crystal sex toy from an ethical source to keep your coochie safe and sound. A reputable provider will often have their crystals go through a gemstone report analysis by the GIA (Gemological Institute of America) and you're more than welcome to request this information prior to making your purchase. A very reputable brand to look into for crystal dildos and sex toys is called Chakrubs, a company founded by Vanessa Cuccia.
How to Clean Your Crystal Wand
So you finally made the leap and purchased your crystal wand. What next?
The first thing you want to do is energetically cleanse your wand just as you would for any any of your personal crystals. There are a few ways to go about this. My go-to method is burning a stick of Sage around my crystal wand while affirming that it be cleansed of any energies that came into contact with it prior to me receiving it. If you're not into Sage, you can burn your favorite incense or some Palo Santo.
Using the power of a Full Moon is also a great way to dispel unwanted energies from your crystal sex toy. On the night of the Full Moon, or during the waning phase, place your crystal wand in a glass container with fresh water and a little bit of salt. Avoid tap water unless you've boiled it and wait until the water cools down before you put your crystal in it. If you can, set your container out on the night of the Full Moon, as this energy is perfect for cleansing rituals. Keep in mind that your intention is powerful and even a simple prayer can do the job.
Now that you've energetically cleansed your crystal wand, it's time for a physical cleanse as well. I typically opt for a solution of warm water and Apple Cider Vinegar. You can also replace the ACV with Lemon instead. Mild soap or your favorite feminine wash can also be used. Check out the piece I wrote about Yoni eggs for a more detailed synopsis of the cleansing method.
Using Crystal Wands: The Initiation
After I energetically and physically cleanse my crystal wand, I like to partake in a self-care ritual to initiate it. I've been big on spiritual baths for the past few years as they're perfect for energetic clearing and enhancing sensuality. Have fun and use your intuition when it comes to what you include in your bath. Before preparing your bath, make sure you have an intention in mind. This will be different for each person and may include something along the lines of "getting over an ex", "enhancing self-esteem", "healing sexual shame/trauma", "attracting new love", etc.
After you've spent some time reflecting on this, it's time to brew your spiritual bath. Sea salt is an absolute must for me in every single bath that I take due to my work as a spiritual practitioner (but you don't have to be a Tarot reader to benefit from a salt bath). We come into contact with so many energies throughout our day making the aura muddled and discordant. Not only does the salt help remove toxins from your body but it also dispels foreign energies that may latch onto you throughout your day. Relax, sis. You're not hosting dark forces but you may be carrying around your bestie's break up blues or your boss's irritability.
Soaking in a salt bath can actually neutralize your aura back to its home state by clearing out the energy that is not yours.
As you prepare your bath, you may like to play some music that gets you in the mood or some self-love affirmations. The element of water has the ability to take on the energy of anything around it and the effects of sound can actually alter the frequency of the water you'll be bathing in. If you've got a Singing Bowl or Bells, you can use those as well. So we've got the water and earth elements taken care of for the spiritual bath and now all we're missing is air and fire. Burning pink, red, or white candles can add to the ambiance while also helping you focus on the intention you set for your spiritual bath.
Now that your bath is intricately and lovingly prepared, it's time to actually enjoy it. Give yourself a minimum of 30 minutes to one hour maximum to soak in the water. It's during this time that I initiate my crystal wand. During my first go-around with this, I was hella apprehensive given the size of my crystal wand. If you're a bit scary like myself, that's totally okay. There's no need to rush right into insertion (which I mistakenly assumed was the right way to go about it). Instead of going all the way, I found myself seductively gliding my crystal wand across my body as I soaked in my bath. Before I knew it, my wand had found a hot spot that it wanted to give extra attention to, which resulted in me gliding the crystal in a circular motion around my womb area for about 10-15 minutes.
The primary focus of both my Yoni egg and crystal wand practices has been about healing childhood sexual trauma, which is often stored in the womb so I was pleased to witness how my spirit was guiding this whole process, knowing exactly what I needed. As I continued with the foreplay process, I slowly began feeling ready to go all the way by starting off with just the tip for a few minutes. At this point, all inhibition went out the door, I drained my bath water, and went to my bedroom to finish the deed (you can definitely do this in the bathtub, if that's your preference).
Afterwards, I felt a rush of euphoria and an expansiveness in my heart that wasn't quite there before. Whenever I use Rose Quartz, I feel a sense of innocence restored, which is necessary for the inner child work that I've been doing the past few years. And to think, this was just my first time using my crystal wand and it was already proving to be another integral, cathartic tool for my healing journey.
10/10, would definitely recommend.
Featured image by Giphy
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Paradise + Vibe Founders Talk The Power Of Black Women Tapping Into Enjoyment And Play
It's so interesting how many essential aspects of our self-care, wellness, and personal development as adults are linked to our childhood. And as much as I sometimes hate the whole cliche of tapping into an inner child (a concept of which I've struggled with because, after a few years of therapy, I've wished that metaphoric version of me would actually grow up and stop constantly instigating battles with old triggers), there are so many positives to embracing the positive aspects of child-like wonder, creativity, and fun as a very grown-ass woman.
That's where play comes in, especially in reference to the importance of enjoying life. Research has shown that adults who explore their favorite activities or hobbies from childhood and deliberately seek activities of joy can increase feelings of happiness, support, comfort, and creativity. And it's no secret that those feelings are the key to success behind many of the successful, fly Black women in business we all admire or want to emulate.
Two enterprising acquaintances-turned-friendpreneurs know just how empowering the pursuit of enjoyment can be, and they've seen the benefits —in their careers, friendships, and within the community of Black women they've built via their platform Paradise + Vibe.
Founders Iana Edwards, CEO, and Kasondra McConnell, CFO, launched the platform in 2020, offering retreats, pop-up events, and other ways for women to connect, relax, release, and, of course, have fun. Friends since 2014, they'd been on the pulse of the intersection between wellness and play in their own respective lives before teaming up for Paradise + Vibe.
"In 2019, Iana became a yoga instructor, and her career just took off in the yoga space to the point where hotels were asking her to teach," Kasondra said. "Later, we went to Jamaica for her birthday, and the last day we were there, we were just in the ocean, talking, and I said, ‘I really think you could do something where you bring people together—because you’re the attraction for the yoga—so why not use your own platform to better yourself?' From there, we came up with a name and launched with the intention to provide a space for wellness for people of color to feel safe and connected and in tune with all of the things that make you feel well and whole."
"With our retreats, we are bringing people together where they can connect in a place where they can play, be present, and get back to what they need at their core—just to feel good."
Even outside of the retreats and other events they host, Iana and Kasondra make sure they infuse play into their everyday lives, and reiterate that the activities don't have to be super-strenuous or structured. Many of the things they love to do for enjoyment in adulthood tie directly into fond memories of their childhood. Kassondra loved watching Legends of the Hidden Temple, a '90s action-adventure game show and used to create backyard obstacle courses in the backyard with her family. Today, she still loves being out in nature, enjoying the mental clarity of walking or hiking. "I oftentimes have to use my brain a lot, but with hiking, you don't. You're just putting one foot in front of the other. I live near a trail, and so I'll go walk there. And anytime I'm engulfed in water, I love it," she said.
One of Iana's favorite childhood memories of fun is going with her schoolmates to a dinosaur exhibit at Fernbank Museum in Atlanta. "We had peanut butter sandwiches, and I was just enamored with the surroundings, getting out of the classroom setting and being with my classmates. It was then that I realized joy is simple, and it's sometimes just a choice."
Iana and Kasondra pride themselves on embodying a different take on wellness, especially for Black women. "We bonded over that before I went to yoga training, and we just saw, inadvertently, a need for something that wasn't there," Iana said. "We have always been very rogue when it comes to wellness. We've given pushback on the whole [idea that] you have to eat a certain way, you have to be a vegan, you have to eat raw foods, [or] you can't eat this, you can't eat that— this trope of, to be a yogi, you have to look and identify as a certain type."
"We love to dance. We love to go out. We love to listen to ratchet music. We do yoga. We do move our bodies. But we're also people, human, and women, and we are a little bit of everything. We approached it like, 'You know what? We're going to take a true holistic approach to wellness and encompass it all and not leave out the turn-up aspect.'"
Iana, who has been practicing yoga for almost a decade (and has been trained by the best to teach it), and Kasondra, a serial entrepreneur who has worked in real estate, retail, and events, merged their talents, skills, and experiences in order to provide something to the market they felt was missing.
Courtesy of Paradise + Vibe
Both agree that wellness is all about intention and energy, not just what you put into your body. And when Black women are able to truly enjoy the things that lead to laughter, comradery, amusement, and pleasure, innovative, life-changing, and culture-shifting things happen. "One day, Kasondra said, 'Friend, wellness is about connection. It's not about whether we're eating a salad. It's so much deeper than that,'" Iana recalled.
"When you think about [when we were] children, in our most pure form as humans, we were a little more connected then," Kasondra added. "When you were playing, you were outside, taking in Vitamin D from the sun, energy from the Earth. You were connecting with other people. Play takes you out of being so heady and into the present moment. You're not so worried and anxious about what you have going on and more so connected to being present."
With Paradise + Vibe retreats, women are supported in participating in group activities and yoga, with the backdrop of paradise in global locales—including South Africa, Brazil, Mexico, and Indonesia—that truly facilitate freedom, leisure, and bliss. "There's proof that, if you look at what depression is, it's essentially being stuck in the past, and anxiety is being occupied with the future and what's to come," Kasondra said.
"So if you can do things like Bikram yoga, which Iana teaches, it's so hot and so intense but so rewarding. It gets you into the present moment. [With] play [it's] the exact same thing, so we took these ideas, and we injected it into our retreats. We select activities that allow people to do things that will take them out of their comfort zones, especially for our audience, which is predominantly Black women. We're talking about in Costa Rica, where we're white-water rafting. In Jamaica, we hiked Mayfield Falls. There's parts of the water where you have to swim, and [that took] people out of their head and got them into the present moment."
Changing the narrative on wellness, enjoyment, and self-care for Black women is vital, especially when choosing a holistic approach that's both considerate of one's personal experience and passions and pushes them to break boundaries. That's what connected Kasondra and Iana in the first place. "We love a hot spring, a body of water. Let’s get on an ATV. Let’s go to an elephant sanctuary—any kind of activity that breaks our adult avatar," Kasondra said. "When you are engaged in some sort of play, you’re the closest you’ve ever been to your childhood version of yourself."
For more on Kasondra, Iana, and Paradise + Vibe events, visit them on Instagram or their website.
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Featured image courtesy of Paradise + Vibe