

Whether you’re someone who happens to be big on making New Year’s resolutions or not, if there is one thing that I definitely think every single reader on our platform should commit to doing in 2022, it’s getting some sound sleep on a consistent basis. Between all of these variants of COVID that are creeping up, the emotional roller coaster rides that keep on coming politically, professionally and financially, compounded with the everyday stress that comes from, shoot, just being a human on planet earth, now, more than ever, sleep has to be treated like it always should have been — an absolutely essential thing to do. Not some of the time but every single day of our lives.
So, how about doing your health and well-being a solid by making the following 10 sleep-related promises to yourself? Without question, being well-rested is one of the surefire ways to handle all that will come your way. That’s pretty much a guarantee. Anyway, on to the promises.
1. “I Will Get No Less Than Six Hours Each Night”
According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, 1 in 3 of us do not get enough sleep. And how much should that be? Believe it or not, even as an adult, you should be getting somewhere between 7-9 hours, each and every night for the sake of “recharging” your system. If you don’t, it could eventually lead to things like mood swings; stress; low productivity; poor decision-making; weak immunity; weight gain; lack of balance; a low libido; a higher risk of heart disease and diabetes, and even shortened longevity.
Listen, I know that hectic work schedules, kids, and whatever else you’ve got going on can make being in bed for nine hours seem like a real stretch; that’s why I said “six” in the title. That said, if you’re currently out here getting any less than that, that’s not good and the older you get, the more you’re going to notice it. Again, sleep is not a luxury; it’s a priority. Go into this year making sure that you treat it as such. Everything about you absolutely depends on it. Straight up.
2. “I Will Not Eat or Drink Two Hours Before Bedtime”
If you’re someone who struggles with acid reflux, you can’t account for some of the pounds that you’ve been packing on and/or it drives you crazy that you have to keep getting up in the middle of the night to use the bathroom (especially since sometimes that can make falling back asleep seem damn near impossible), it could be because you are eating too close to bedtime. Consuming foods and drinks less than 2-3 hours before retiring for the night can cause your metabolism to slow down which can make it harder for you to digest your food (which can sometimes trigger heartburn).
Not only that but midnight snacking typically leads to eating foods that are full of sugar (which can keep you up). Plus, it’s pretty much a guarantee that drinking right before bed is going to result in you needing to empty your bladder at some point. So, if you want to sleep more soundly, stay out of the kitchen two hours before bedtime. If you don’t…prepare to deal with the consequences. Literally.
3. “I Will Also Be Intentional About What I Snack on After Dinner”
And what if you’re not prepared to stop snacking before bedtime? You’re grown, chile. Just make sure that you are more intentional about what you put into your mouth. Almonds are high in magnesium which can help to settle your nerves. Kiwi can boost your serotonin levels so that you’re able to fall asleep faster. Cheese and sunflower seeds both have tryptophan in them; this is a good thing because it’s an amino acid that can increase your melatonin levels which is a hormone that helps to regulate your sleeping patterns.
Sweet potatoes are dope because potassium, magnesium, and calcium can lower your blood pressure. Popcorn is a healthy carb that can help to produce more tryptophan in your system. Dark chocolate is loaded with magnesium (which can also keep your circadian rhythms in check). Pineapple is able to boost your melatonin levels too. And while you really should watch the drinking thing, if you must, tart cherry juice has a good amount of melatonin in it, oat milk contains tryptophan, and chamomile tea is great at relaxing you.
4. “I Will Create a Regular Sleep Schedule”
One definition of schedule is “a plan of procedure, usually written, for a proposed objective…”. When it comes to sleep if your “proposed objective” is to get all of the rest that your mind, body, and spirit require, you need to put a plan into action. This includes deciding what time you are going to retire every night, what your “wind down routine” will require and what time you want to wake up the following morning. For instance, if you want to turn in at 10 p.m. each night and get up at 6 a.m. (eight hours), you should give yourself 1-1 ½ hours to get ready.
This can include taking a shower or bath; reading a couple of chapters of your favorite book or listening to a podcast episode; doing some meditating and/or praying; listening to some soothing music; journaling; relaxing with an essential oil diffuser on; having sex (more on that in a bit) — whatever will de-stress you and relax you is ideal. Just keep in mind that the key to making a sleep schedule/routine work for you is that you do it, as consistently as possible, without fail, each and every night…until it becomes a natural habit.
5. “I Will Give Myself a Foot Massage at Least Three Times a Week”
It’s kinda crazy how many people ignore their feet when it comes to getting a good night’s rest. The reason why I say that is because a good foot massage can do everything from increasing blood circulation and easing pain to reducing anxiety and encouraging relaxation. The key to a successful foot massage at night is to apply an essential oil or even some CBD oil to (especially) your soles. The reason why is because there are thousands of pores on your feet (some say as much as 2,000) and they contain some of the largest pores on your entire body; this means that the oils that you put there will absorb into your system faster.
And just what kind of oils are best? Lavender will calm you. Ylang-ylang will slow down your heart rate. Bergamot reduces stress levels. Sandalwood will help to balance out your moods. And peppermint can reduce seasonal allergies so that you can rest more soundly. As far as CBD oil goes (something I’ve been using for my own feet for most of this year), it helps to relieve aches and pains and it works like a sedative which is always a good thing once you’re ready to catch some zzz’s.
For tips on how to give you (or your partner) a proper foot massage, click here and here.
6. “I Will NOT Have Deep Convos Prior to Bedtime”
A few years ago, Elite Daily published an article that said the best time for people to have deep conversations is during the evening hours. The logic is when you are more relaxed, you’re better at listening and communicating. While I understand the logic, my two cents are that “evening” should be no later than dinnertime. Yes, I am a huge fan of pillow talk between couples; still, I don’t think that should mean discussing bills, relationship stresses, or even sexual critiques. Although some people can compartmentalize these types of discussions to the point where they can have them, roll over and then sleep like a baby, most of us (especially people who are overthinkers) cannot.
Bottom line, when it comes to the really deep discussions that tend to take a lot out of you mentally, schedule times, preferably outside of the bedroom to have those. Inside of it, discuss things that create positive vibes and will make the two of you feel closer and safer. It can’t be said enough that a lot of interior decorators believe that bedrooms should ONLY be for sex and sleep; definitely not low-key business meetings or draining debates. Personally, I couldn’t agree more.
7. “I Will Not Use My Phone As a Way to Fall Asleep”
I’ve got a girlfriend who is a literal insomniac. She’s not really helping matters either because she is pretty much glued to her phone. She falls asleep looking at it and if she happens to get up in the middle of the night, she won’t go back to bed without peeking at the screen first. Yeah, that’s a real problem because not only does whatever intel she may see on her phone increase her chances of becoming preoccupied as her mind gets to racing but the blue light that comes from her phone screen can actually disrupt the melatonin production within her system.
I promise you that whatever is happening on your phone will be right there, waiting for you, come morning. So, unless you’ve got some folks within your home who are traveling or there’s a sick person who you are checking on and you want to leave the phone on in case of emergencies, there’s no need for your ringer to be on. Shoot, here’s a novel concept — how about turning it completely off until morning? (Close your mouth, it is indeed possible. LOL.)
8. “I Will Incorporate More ASMR”
If you’ve ever wondered what ASMR stands for, it’s Autonomous Sensory Meridian Response. And what the heck does that mean? Well, a nickname for ASMR that might make more sense is “brain massage.” Yep, when you watch or listen to an ASMR video, it literally massages your brain in a way that activates the production of hormones like dopamine, oxytocin, and endorphins — all of which are beneficial to you getting a good night’s rest.
For the past couple of years, I’ve been sleeping to the sound of rain falling and it has only taken my quality of sleep to another level. So, even if it’s not in your budget to cop an ASMR machine, at least hop onto YouTube to listen to the rain, wind, fans, ocean waves, or some other nature sound that can calm you, drown out outside noise, and take your quality of sleep to an entirely new level. (Just go to YouTube and put ASMR and the sound you are looking for into the search field. A lot of them will run for 7-10 hours without any commercial breaks.)
9. “I Will Sleep Naked More Often”
For many years, I’ve slept without any panties on, just so that my vagina can “breathe” (check out “What Your Vagina Wishes You Would Do More Often”). But it’s only been the past few years or so that I’ve been sleeping completely naked and boy — I really wish I’d been doing it for all of my adult life! On this platform, we’re such a fan of it that an entire article has been devoted to why it’s such a smart thing to do (check out “Yes, Sleeping Naked Could Help Your Anxiety & Sleep Pattern”).
Some of the perks that aren’t mentioned in this piece include the fact that sleeping in the nude can put you in a better mood, boost your metabolism, help you to maintain healthy skin, improve infertility (for both men and women) and most definitely increase your chances of gettin’ a lil’ sumthin’ sumthin’ if you happen to have someone in the bed with you. When you sit and think about all of the ways that sleeping naked can benefit you, it’s kinda crazy that only roughly 29 percent of people do it with only around 17 percent who do it every night. Still, if there is ever a time when you should want to be the exception and not the rule, sleeping in your birthday suit should most definitely top the list.
10. “Sex Will Become More of a Constant at Nighttime”
If you’re currently practicing abstinence or there isn’t a “contender” in your life right now, I’ll just say that this is a promise that you should make to yourself whenever the time is right. For the rest of you, though, definitely check out “Why Couples Should Engage In ‘Midnight Sex’ More Often” and seriously consider taking it to heart. The reason why I say that is because, if there is one act that can relax your body, calm your senses and make you feel safe and sound all night long, it’s sex — sex right before going to sleep.
For men, it increases their prolactin levels which can make them super drowsy, and for us, after sex, our estrogen levels tend to get a boost which can result in our REM cycle enhancing which can definitely help us to sleep so much better. Hmph. Not like any of us should need another reason to get it in more often, but if more sleep is what you’re after, more sex can certainly help you out. Happy New Year, y’all!
Featured image by Getty Images
It's kinda wild that, in 2025, my byline will have appeared on this platform for (what?!) seven years. And yeah, when I'm not waxing poetic on here about sex, relationships and then...more sex and relationships, I am working as a certified marriage life coach, helping to birth babies (as a doula) or penning for other places (oftentimes under pen names).
As some of you know, something that I've been "threatening" to do for a few years now is write another book. Welp, October 2024 was the month that I "gave birth" to my third one: 'Inside of Me 2.0: My Story. With a 20-Year Lens'. It's fitting considering I hit a milestone during the same year.
Beyond that, Pumas and lip gloss are still my faves along with sweatshirts and tees that have a pro-Black message on them. I've also started really getting into big ass unique handbags and I'm always gonna have a signature scent that ain't nobody's business but my own.
As far as where to find me, I continue to be MIA on the social media front and I honestly don't know if that will ever change. Still, if you need to hit me up about something *that has nothing to do with pitching on the site (I'm gonna start ignoring those emails because...boundaries)*, hit me up at missnosipho@gmail.com. I'll do what I can. ;)
On her debut album,CTRL,SZA crooned about her desire to be a “Normal Girl.” Now, nearly eight years since its release, her Not Beauty line represents her commitment to existing outside of traditional beauty norms.
The singer whose real name is Solána Imani Rowe first teased the idea of a lip gloss line during Super Bowl LIX in February, noting that the release would be happening “very shortly.” Not Beauty debuted simultaneously with the Grand National Tour, which she co-headlines with Kendrick Lamar, in Minneapolis on April 19.
Each Not Beauty pop-up would offer fans the opportunity to purchase the glosses, learn more about the brand, and have the opportunity to meet the superstar in the flesh regardless of their ticket status.
During the Los Angeles tour stop, which spanned three dates on May 21, May 23, with the finale on May 24, xoNecole had the opportunity to test out the glosses included in this soft launch, as SZA revealed in a statement that "this is just the start of other lip products, including plans to launch stains, liners, and creams all inspired by SZA's “infamous layered lip combinations.”
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So, what is included in the first Not Beauty launch?
The current Not Beauty products available are lip glosses that come in three shades: In the Flesh, Strawberry Jelly, and Quartz.
During my visit to the first LA Not Beauty pop-up activation, I not only had the chance to purchase all three glosses but also took a peek inside the blow-up log tent. Inside, fans got to experience SZA’s love for nature and her fascination with bugs, which are prominently featured in her performances for this tour. At one point, she even had human preying mantis prancing across the stage y'all.
There were blow-up photos of the beauty that is SZA for fans (myself included) to take photos, but in wooden-like tree trunks were a deeper dive into some of the ingredients featured in her products and their benefits.
For example, the glosses feature Hi-Shine Lip Jelly and Shea Butter as key ingredients and some of the listed benefits included are:
- Shea Butter - “A powerhouse ingredient, offering both functional and nourishing benefits.”
- Hi-Shine Lip Jelly (featured in the In the Flesh shade) - “Formula glides on with perfect adhesion to the lips without stickiness).
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What are in the products?
Featured in an orange package, with images of a bug and flower on the side, the back of the box reads: “It’s NOT BEAUTY, it just works. Developed by Solána “SZA” Rowe.
As someone who never leaves home without a good lip gloss, I loved how compact the wood panel packaging is. Perfect to slip into my purse, or in the case of the show at SoFi Stadium, into my pocket when I’m not carrying a bag.
Because I’m a sucker for a good black and brown lip liner and clear gloss combo, I decided to wear the Quartz flavor on night one of the Grand National Tour LA stop, and it did not disappoint. I’ll admit, it’s light weight feel made me nervous because it felt like there was nothing on my lips. However, when I checked my lips in my compact mirror several times throughout the night, I was shocked to find that my gloss was still intact. I only reapplied once out of the habit of looking cute and applying my gloss, but not necessity.
Here are some of the ingredients featured, but not limited to, in the Quartz flavor.
- Polyisoubutene
- Butyrospermum Parkii (Shea)Butter
- Ricinus Communis (Castor) Seed Oil
- Mentha Piperita (Peppermint) Oil
- Tocopherol
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Lip prep
I’m a simple girl who loves to stay true to her roots. So ahead of the show, I stopped by a local Inglewood Beauty Supply store and grabbed a Black and Brown shade lip pencil for just under $2 a piece.
Shading the outline of my lips with the black pencil first, I used the brown to lightly fill the inside of my lips before applying my Quartz Not Beauty shade gloss.
How to apply
There’s truly no right or wrong way to apply lip gloss (in my opinion), with this being a brush applicator sort of product, I simply untwisted the top and swiped the gloss around my top and bottom lip generously.
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Results
Again, my Not Beauty Quartz product stayed on my lips from the start of the show, which began with a fire DJ set from LA’s very own, Mustard, to the conclusion when Kendrick and SZA reunited on stage to send us home to their duet, “luther,” featured on the rapper's GNX album.
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The millennial in me is nostalgic at best...and at worst, deeply, deeply yearning. I’d be lying if I said I didn’t miss the past.
In the days of old, community was never hard to find. It was a knock on the door from a neighborhood friend who needed no invitation. It was trading jokes over lunch and lingering strolls after the final bell. It was choir practice on Saturdays and giggling in the pews on Sundays.
The love was free and plentiful, and my cup runneth over.
But there was a certain rhythm to the ’90s and early 2000s. People were ever-present in the most ordinary ways, and fortunately, this followed me well into adulthood. The door knocks have since turned into tequila shots, and brunch on Sundays became my new sanctuary, but you know...same thing!
However, life has changed drastically, and with it, so have we. Sometimes by force (2020..no other words needed, amirite), and other times by the natural, inevitable flow of growing up.
As we age, our identities become more defined. And while the people we’ve always loved still matter deeply, we start to crave new connections and experiences that reflect who we’re becoming.
When COVID reared its ugly head, not only did it disrupt the lives we knew, it pushed us to reevaluate the lives we want… and the people we want in them. For many, it exposed a loneliness that had already been there beneath the surface. It made space for questions we hadn’t slowed down to ask: What do I truly enjoy? Who do I feel most myself around?
After months of quarantine and isolation, we were left craving connection in a deeper, more intentional way. This sparked a renewed interest in “the third space.”
Coined by sociologist Ray Oldenburg, the term refers to those places beyond home (first space) and work (second space) where people gather, build relationships, and foster community. Think coffee shops, libraries, dance studios, run clubs, and other environments that offer connection outside of our daily obligations.
My own desire to find like-minded folks has only intensified over the past few years. And as a self-proclaimed medicine woman and wellness enthusiast, I went looking for spaces that felt good, and found more than a few.
So if you're in NYC and searching for places that feed your spirit (and tend to your interests), consider this your starter guide. Whether it's a wellness club, a run group, or a kickball league, these third spaces might just feel like home.
A Safe Space Mentor
My Shaylaaa.
What started out as a simple offering from founder Teya Knapp has grown into one of the most intentional, heartfelt communities I’ve had the privilege to be part of. Together with COO Jasmine Dayze, they have cultivated more than a collective—it’s a movement rooted in community care, softness, and restoration.
A nonprofit centered on mental health advocacy and equity, A Safe Space Mentor has redefined the possibilities of communal healing. With over 22 fully funded retreats to date (yes, free), monthly programs ranging from support groups and hikes to pottery classes, free therapy, and now a physical home at A Safe Place Studios, they’ve built an ecosystem where people can show up fully and be accepted just as they are.
I came across them by chance, but as fate would have it, it allowed me to bloom in ways I never saw coming, surrounded by women who affirm and love me in ways I didn’t know I needed. I’m serious, ya’ll. Even at the risk of sounding dramatic: expect to be changed, to find friends, possibly even family, and maybe a group chat, too.
Beyond their no-cost offerings, they also host weekly yoga and meditation classes, massages, and more. Learn more about this beautiful space here, and keep an eye out for their upcoming Juneteenth gathering.
NARC
Who needs Hinge when there’s a run club? (Kidding... kind of.)
NARC, short for Not a Run Club, is technically a run club but with a twist. Co-founded by Omari Ross and Noah Hutchins, NARC takes a holistic approach to fitness and community. Picture track workouts, dynamic circuits, core finishers, followed by a post-workout brunch with the crew. Sure, the occasional match may be made, but at its core, NARC is about connection, movement, and showing up for yourself and others.
It’s the kind of space where most people arrive solo but rarely leave without a new friend or a new perspective. And personally? I never tire of seeing Black men love on one another out loud.
If you’re looking for a solid sweat (not gonna lie, it gives Olympic training at times), laughs, and folks that show up rain or shine, they’ve got you. Beyond the track, they also host boxing classes, hot yoga sessions, social mixers, and a number of other events. NARC meets every Saturday at McCarren Park at 10 a.m. unless otherwise noted. Learn more here.
The Music Nerds
My favorite part about The Music Nerds? The DJ. Scene Serene, a former music journalist turned vibe curator, created this club out of pure love for music and the Black people who create it. And that love is felt in every detail.
Past functions have celebrated Kendrick Lamar, Black women in music, and Virginia legends, each thoughtfully crafted to tell a story through sound. Here, you’re not just dancing, you’re feeling, remembering, and reflecting, too. Additionally, she kicks off each event with icebreaker quote cards to spark conversation, because the vibe isn’t just in the music; it’s also in the people.
That sense of connection comes full circle in her choice of venues, which are always Black-owned spaces that feel safe and inclusive for all Black folk. After all, if we don’t support each other, who will?
This isn’t just a party. It’s a celebration of culture, connection, and Black joy…and yes, it’s free! She’s cooking up some magic for the summer, so follow her here to stay in the loop.
SociaLight Social Club
For the anti-social socialite or the extrovert who wants a little more intimate play, the SociaLight Club might be your sweet spot.
Nayah, the founder, is all about curating intimate, low-pressure gatherings that bring people together through random yet delightful activities, all while supporting Black-owned businesses in the process.
From coworking days to supper clubs and nights building LEGOs, it’s the kind of space where you can show up as you are and end up discovering new people and new passions. It’s chill, it’s intentional, and very much a vibe. Keep up with her events here.
Recess Kickball League
Black folks deserve to frolic, dilly-dally, and straight-up play. And that’s the spirit behind Recess Kickball League. Though kickball is the anchor, it’s really about reclaiming joy through movement and connection.
Founded by five friends during the lockdowns of 2020 (Emmanuel Maduakolam, Christopher Thomas, Cris Jones, Daemon “Tubbs” Krueger, and Ermias Tessema), the club started as a way to get outside and let loose, and now it’s blossomed into a thriving community with leagues in both LA and Brooklyn.
If you’ve been looking for field day vibes and opportunities to love on your inner child, keep up with them here.
The Free Black Women’s Library
Tucked in the heart of Bed-Stuy, The Free Black Women’s Library is a cozy nook that centers Black women and holds space for book lovers, creatives, and community-builders alike.
Founded by OlaRonke Akinmowo, it functions as more than a library but a cultural hub. While every book is written by a Black woman or non-binary author, she also hosts grief workshops, writing circles, and curated events that honor both healing and imagination, too. Their monthly calendar is packed with offerings that meet you where you are, celebrating who we are and who we’re becoming.
And the best part? You don’t have to buy a book, you can swap one. Bring something you’ve read, and leave with something new. Keep up with them here.
Peak & Pace
This one’s for the runners and the lovers. If you’re looking to meet your future bae who’s into fitness and a good Sunday reset, Peak & Pace might just be your new favorite link.
Founded by London native Owen Akhibi after relocating to NYC, the club was born out of something a lot of us know too well: feeling a little lonely in a big city. So he created a space that brings people together who just so happen to run.
Every meetup ends with a social, and some runs come with fun themes like wearing flags repping your country to wristbands signaling your relationship status (lovers tap in!). Off the track, they host yoga, comedy nights, parties, and other events to build real connections. They meet every Saturday at Prospect Park at 10 a.m. Tap in with them here.
Free Peace Meditation Club
Free Peace Meditation Club offers a rare pause in the middle of NYC’s bustling Lower East Side, encouraging folks to be still in the midst of chaos while finding beauty in it, too. What began as a simple conversation between Kenji Summers and Angelo Baque has blossomed into a welcoming sanctuary where New Yorkers gather to unplug, recenter, and recharge.
Hosted monthly at the artfully decorated Awake NY, this community-driven experience invites participants to reconnect through guided reflection, mindful breathwork, and thoughtfully curated music that features the rich sounds of New York’s rap, R&B, and jazz artists. FPANYMC stands as a powerful affirmation that stillness is not a luxury but an essential practice. Keep up with them here.
Knot Okay Club
This one’s for the soft girls, the creatives, and anyone who’s ever needed to crochet their stress away.
Knot Okay Club brings Black women and non-binary folks together through fiber arts. It’s about slowing down, making something with your hands, and feeling held while you do it. The work might be small and intentional, but the connection? That’s the magic. Learn more about them here.
Girls That Gather
Lauren Franco started Girls That Gather after moving to NYC and realizing just how hard it can be to find genuine connections as an adult.
What began as a way to bring women together has grown into a go-to space for meaningful conversation and real friendship. From curated dinner parties to small, cozy events, everything is designed to feel easy and intentional. No awkward networking energy, just good vibes and even better people. Learn more about them here.
Adanne Bookshop
Adanne is one of those places that makes you want to linger.
Tucked away in Brooklyn and owned by educator Darlene Okpo, this Black woman-owned bookshop is as intentional as it is inviting. The books are curated with care, the energy is warm, and the events, from author talks to community gatherings to incense-making, always leave you a little more full than when you walked in.
It’s not just a bookstore; it’s a cultural anchor. Check out their events here.
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Featured image by Clarke Sanders on Unsplash