Quantcast

Your October Monthly Horoscopes Are All About Intimacy & Healing

As fall enters the picture, so does the element of balance.

Horoscopes

Fall is officially here to restore the balance between night and day as well as our relationships with much of the energy focused on Libra.

Power struggles within our connections, and even within ourselves, will be eased as Pluto goes direct, assisting us in harmonizing our lives. As we move along into the month, the focus shifts to matters of intimacy, healing, and psychological rebirth as more of the inner planets transit through Scorpio.

Check out your horoscope below to see what October has in store for you.

Aries

Laci Jordan/xoNecole

The Sun spends most of the month in your opposite sign, Libra, encouraging you to balance out your relationships and revise any contractual agreements. On the 3rd, Pluto goes direct, helping you get more clear about how to wield your authority, particularly within the workplace. This is a good time to put the lessons you've been learning about authentic power into practice. Mercury moves into Scorpio the same day and you're yearning for more deep interactions during this transit. Topics ranging from psychology, healing, and even the occult will pique your interest during this transit. Your ruling planet, Mars, moves into Libra on the 4th, inviting you to take a win-win approach when it comes to your key connections.

On the 8th, Venus moves into sultry Scorpio and love matters get even more intimate for you with a little sexual healing on the top of your to-do list. Your Full Moon takes place on the 13th, illuminating parts of your identity that you no longer resonate with. Just like the leaves fall from the trees during Autumn, you're shedding old layers of yourself to make space for the new. On the 23rd, the Sun moves into Scorpio with a New Moon following shortly behind, initiating you into a deeply transformative time that will give birth to a more healed, whole, and integrated version of yourself. The month winds down with Mercury going retrograde on Halloween, giving you a chance to revisit an important conversation you had earlier this month or to delve even deeper into your psychological metamorphosis.

Taurus

Laci Jordan/xoNecole

Most of October has you focused on getting more organized in your daily routine and enhancing your health while the Sun transits through Libra. On the 3rd, Pluto goes direct in Capricorn, giving you the opportunity to share your personal experiences to benefit the growth of others; keep in mind that with great power comes great responsibility. On the same day, Mercury moves into your opposite sign and your conversations with others take on more depth than usual. Mars moves into Libra on the 4th, giving you even more energy to get back into your fitness regimen.

Venus, your ruling planet, moves into sexy Scorpio on the 8th, setting you up for an erotic exchange with your lover. Be careful of mixing business with pleasure during this transit. On the 13th, the Full Moon in Aries gives you the push to clean out karmic residue lingering in your life. On the 23rd, the Sun moves into Scorpio followed by a New Moon, which has the potential to bring a new connection, romantic or professional, in your life that has more lasting potential. This is also a good time to take your existing relationship even deeper. October winds down with Mercury going retrograde on the 31st giving you a chance to work out any kinks in the contracts or agreements you've made earlier this month.

Gemini

Laci Jordan/xoNecole

The Sun spends most of the month in Libra amping up the charm factor for you. If you're open to romance, make sure you get yourself out there. Prince Charming isn't just going to show up at your doorstep. On the 3rd, Pluto goes direct after dragging you through a season of transforming your relationship with power. In what ways have you misused, abused, or abandoned your sense of power? Moving forward, it's time to harness this energy from a more healed and integrated space. Mars moves into Libra on the same day and you're feeling motivated to create, play, and date! It's time to let your hair down and have some fun, Gemmie.

Venus, planet of love and money, moves into Scorpio on the 8th; be mindful of workplace romances. If you're open to meeting someone, try the gym or a wellness seminar. This is also a great time for you and bae to get fit together. The Full Moon in Aries on the 13th makes you the center of attention amongst your social group making this a great night to celebrate any accomplishments or just life itself. The Sun moves into Scorpio on the 23rd, with the New Moon trailing behind on the 27th, inviting you to create some new routines and habits for yourself that will lend to a greater sense of overall wellbeing. The month wraps up with Mercury going retrograde, encouraging you to get into the details of your new health regimen and solidify those new habits you're creating.

Cancer

Laci Jordan/xoNecole

Home and family matters have most of your attention while the Sun transits through Libra. On the 3rd, Pluto goes direct and you're taking on a more empowered approach to your relationships moving forward. No more playing the doormat or mommy for other people (especially adults). You've got needs as well, so make sure you're voicing them. Mercury moves into Scorpio on the same day making you even more alluring than usual. You'll be feeling very romantic and creative around this time. Who knows? Maybe your current love affair will be the inspiration for your next masterpiece (or a baby).

Mars moves into Libra on the 4th and you're focused on getting your house in order or closing a deal on that property you're investing in. This is also a good time to smooth out any family drama. On the 8th, Venus moves into Scorpio and you could be bringing in some extra cash from your latest creative projects. When it comes to romance, you'll be attracting people that have more depth, and even an air of mystery, to them. The Full Moon in Aries on the 13th places the spotlight on you in matters of career and achievements. It's time to level up to bigger and better opportunities. On the 23rd, the Sun moves into Scorpio with the New Moon following shortly behind, inviting you to express your deepest sentiments through some form of artistic expression. If you're ready to add a new addition to your family, this could be a potent time to seal the deal. The month ends with Mercury going retrograde on the 31st giving you the chance to get into the details of that project you're working on or for fertility planning as well.

Leo

Laci Jordan/xoNecole

The month begins with your focus on learning new skills and expanding your social reach with the Sun transiting through Libra. Pluto, planet of transformation, goes direct on the 3rd granting you the wherewithal to overcome any bad habits and even addictions that have had their way with you. It's time to get back in the driver's seat and take control of your life. Mercury moves into Scorpio on the same day setting you and your family up for some Iyanla Vanzant-style breakthroughs, and breakdowns, over the month to come. Keep in mind that healing is on the other side of the chaos.

On the 4th, Mars enters Libra, and you're in overdrive when it comes to your studies and social networking. This is a good time to take a short, weekend vacay to help you avoid burnout (try to make your plans before Mercury goes retrograde at the end of the month). On the 8th, Venus moves into Scorpio and you and bae will likely want to cuddle up at home during this transit. There could be talks of moving in together or planning the expansion of your family. The Full Moon in Aries on the 13th could put you in the spotlight as a teacher or mentor figure. Publishing any written work is favorable around this time. The Sun moves into Scorpio on the 23rd with the New Moon taking place just a few days after. Relocating or planning a trip home for the holidays may be on your brain. Once Mercury goes retrograde on the 31st, you'll have some time to work out the details before executing your plans.

Virgo

Laci Jordan/xoNecole

October begins with the Sun transiting through Libra bringing your attention to finances, assets, and the things you value most. On the 3rd, Pluto goes direct, giving you some much-needed oomph when it comes to your creativity and approach to dating. It's time to take back control from the powers that be that inhibit the flow of your authentic expression. Mercury moves into Scorpio on the 3rd and you're feeling more raw when it comes to communicating your truth. This could also be a time in which you're interested in delving into topics like psychology, healing, and the occult.

On the 4th, Mars enters Libra helping you to balance out your budget. It's time to reel it in on the spending. How much have you been saving and investing? Venus moves into Scorpio on the 8th and convos may run deep with someone you meet online. Just make sure they're not a catfish before you become too emotionally attached.

The Full Moon in Aries on the 13th helps you break through some heavy psychological muck that's been holding back a more fearless expression of your individuality. On the 23rd, the Sun moves into Scorpio coupled with a New Moon on the 27th. It's time to set those intentions for a new project you want to start—whether it's writing that book, starting that blog, or launching that YouTube channel. October winds down with Mercury going retrograde, giving you a chance to tweak the details before making your big debut.

Libra

Laci Jordan/xoNecole

Happy birthday, babe! The spotlight is on you for most of the month as the Sun transits through your sign. On the 3rd, Pluto goes direct, helping you reclaim your power within family dynamics and also giving you a renewed perspective regarding generational trauma within your lineage. Mercury moves into Scorpio on the same day and money is the topic of discussion for you. Shortly after, Mars begins its transit through your sign, amping up your energy. Be mindful of overexerting yourself or being too aggressive. Try burning off some of the excess adrenaline in the gym. On the 8th, Venus moves into Scorpio inviting you to reevaluate whether you're getting paid what you're worth.

The Full Moon in Aries on the 13th can bring up some tension between your needs and those of a significant other or business partner. As thoughtful of others as you usually are, make sure your needs are being considered as well. On the 23rd, the Sun enters seductive Scorpio with a New Moon taking place shortly after on the 27th. Set some intentions for cultivating new money-making opportunities and make sure to re-evaluate any beliefs that trigger low self-esteem or feelings of unworthiness. The month comes to a close with Mercury going retrograde, giving you the nudge to revise any existing contracts and to raise your prices to match the value of your skills and expertise.

Scorpio

Laci Jordan/xoNecole

The first part of the month is a bit more introspective for you as you clear your life of things that you can't drag into the new year. On the 3rd, your ruling planet, Pluto, goes direct and you're feeling like the Phoenix rising from the ashes. It's time to move forward in a more bold, authentic expression of your personal power through your communication. On the same day, Mercury enters your sign and you're craving more intimate, meaningful interactions with the people you encounter. Mars, the warrior, enters Libra helping you to take on a different aspect of this volatile energy by embracing the peaceful warrior archetype instead. It's time to be a little more flexible and open-minded in your relationships.

Venus moves into your sign on the 8th, amping up your sex appeal to mega-hottie status. Blessings abound for you in love, and money, during this transit. On the 13th, the Full Moon in Aries helps you conquer a bad habit, addiction, or even a secret obsession. Health matters could also come to the surface to remind you to take better care of your body. Your season officially takes off on the 23rd with a New Moon following shortly behind on the 27th. It's time to make a wish or even get a makeover that matches the new and improved version of yourself. The month winds down with a delectably spooky Mercury retrograde starting on Halloween, invoking the ghosts of the past to ultimately help you tie up loose ends before your next chapter begins.

Sagittarius

Laci Jordan/xoNecole

Social networking and pushing towards those big-picture goals are top priorities during the first part of the month. On the 3rd, Pluto finally goes direct and you're feeling more confident about charging what you're truly worth after releasing some distorted beliefs based around your sense of worthiness and value; it's time to ditch the impostor syndrome once and for all. Mercury enters Scorpio on the same day and your connection to the Spirit world becomes all the more visceral. Keep a dream journal around this time to unravel the messages that your subconscious is communicating to you. On the 4th, Mars moves into Libra and you're hyper-focused on restoring balance within friendships and any organizations you're a part of.

Venus moves into Scorpio on the 8th and your sex appeal takes on a more subtle, yet undeniably powerful, tone. On the 13th, the Full Moon in Aries encourages you to create, play, and indulge in some romance! This is a perfect night to get out with bae or go dancing with your friends. Later in the month, the Sun enters Scorpio on the 23rd and the New Moon follows right behind on the 27th. The next few weeks encourage you to prioritize more time for rest and reflection as you release the baggage that you can't drag into your new year with you. On the 31st, Mercury goes into retrograde, giving you even more of a reason to lay low and enjoy some solitude right before your busy birthday season.

Capricorn

Laci Jordan/xoNecole

The first part of October brings your attention to leveling up in your career and striving towards those professional achievements you want to make. On the 3rd, Pluto goes direct in your sign, setting wind in your sails after a grueling summer with Saturn retrograde as well. You're feeling your power and on top of your game like never before. Mercury moves into Scorpio on the same day and you're more inclined to connect with the friends that you can be your weirdest, most vulnerable self with. On the 4th, Mars moves into Libra, encouraging you to keep a level head, especially with your higher-ups or even your worker bees. Diplomacy will take you far during this transit.

Venus moves into Scorpio on the 8th and you may be developing a crush on a long-term friend, or vice versa. If you're open to meeting someone, try joining an organization that interests you. The Full Moon in Aries on the 13th may bring a conclusion to you in the home sector. You could be moving or a roommate could be transitioning elsewhere. This is also a potent time to clear the air with a mother figure or address any family drama. Two words: KEEP. CALM. Later in the month, the Sun moves into Scorpio on the 23rd coupled with a New Moon on the 27th. It's time to dream big and maybe call in your troops as well. Remember, teamwork makes the dream work. The month winds down with Mercury going retrograde on the 31st, giving you the chance to review and revise your strategy for bringing your long-term vision to life.

Aquarius

Laci Jordan/xoNecole

Spiritual development, school, and teaching are your top priorities at the beginning of the month while the Sun transits Libra. On the 3rd, Pluto, the planet of transformation, goes direct helping you push past some self-limiting beliefs regarding your personal power. The inner work you've been doing over the past several months has cleared out stagnant energy from many lifetimes so give yourself a pat on the back. On the same day, Mercury moves into Scorpio and a workplace scandal may be brewing. It's best to just play the fly on the wall while you watch your own live-action version of some janky ass reality T.V. show. On the 4th, Mars enters Libra and you're motivated to soak up as much knowledge as possible. There may also be a sudden desire to travel to some distant land. Sometimes life and experience is our greatest teacher.

On the 8th, Venus moves into Scorpio cautioning you to be mindful of workplace romances. You may be attracting, or attracted to, someone in a position of great power and influence. Just make sure you move wisely; there could even be a secret benefactor offering to assist you financially. On the 13th, the Full Moon in Aries gives you the courage you need to express your individuality with greater ease, making this an opportune time to launch that blog or start your YouTube channel. On the 23rd, the Sun enters Scorpio followed by the New Moon on the 27th. Set some intentions for how you'd like to level up in the workplace. Mercury goes retrograde on the 31st helping you strategize your way to the top.

Pisces

Laci Jordan/xoNecole

The beginning of the month gets pretty deep for you as the Sun transits through Libra. You're in your quiet space of inner-transformation during the first few weeks of October. On the 3rd, Pluto goes direct, helping to ease any power struggles you've been experiencing in your friendships or social groups. Mercury enters Scorpio and you're immersed in studying spirituality and esoteric concepts during this transit. You may even have a knack for sharing your wisdom with others in an intimate setting. On the 4th, Mars moves into Libra helping you to balance out the light and the dark within yourself. It's best you acknowledge some of your repressed emotions instead of allowing them to lash out at the wrong time. Venus moves into Scorpio on the 8th and you are falling in love with the Divine all over again. Your connection to your Higher Self is restored and you're feeling way more in tune with your destined path in life.

On the 13th, the Full Moon in Aries can bring in a sudden windfall of cash or a new opportunity to make some extra income that is bestowed upon you for being your quirky, weird, true self. This is also a time to release any old ways of earning money that just don't align with who you are anymore. Scorpio season officially begins on the 23rd with a New Moon following shortly behind on the 27th. It's time to plant the seeds for that new project, book, or course you're creating that will help others in their own spiritual expansion. October ends with a perfectly aligned Mercury retrograde, giving you the chance to get into the details of your newest creation.

Want more stories like this? Sign up for our newsletter here to receive our latest articles and news straight to your inbox.

ACLU By ACLUSponsored

Over the past four years, we grew accustomed to a regular barrage of blatant, segregationist-style racism from the White House. Donald Trump tweeted that “the Squad," four Democratic Congresswomen who are Black, Latinx, and South Asian, should “go back" to the “corrupt" countries they came from; that same year, he called Elizabeth Warren “Pocahontas," mocking her belief that she might be descended from Native American ancestors.

But as outrageous as the racist comments Trump regularly spewed were, the racially unjust governmental actions his administration took and, in the case of COVID-19, didn't take, impacted millions more — especially Black and Brown people.

To begin to heal and move toward real racial justice, we must address not only the harms of the past four years, but also the harms tracing back to this country's origins. Racism has played an active role in the creation of our systems of education, health care, ownership, and employment, and virtually every other facet of life since this nation's founding.

Our history has shown us that it's not enough to take racist policies off the books if we are going to achieve true justice. Those past policies have structured our society and created deeply-rooted patterns and practices that can only be disrupted and reformed with new policies of similar strength and efficacy. In short, a systemic problem requires a systemic solution. To combat systemic racism, we must pursue systemic equality.

What is Systemic Racism?

A system is a collection of elements that are organized for a common purpose. Racism in America is a system that combines economic, political, and social components. That system specifically disempowers and disenfranchises Black people, while maintaining and expanding implicit and explicit advantages for white people, leading to better opportunities in jobs, education, and housing, and discrimination in the criminal legal system. For example, the country's voting systems empower white voters at the expense of voters of color, resulting in an unequal system of governance in which those communities have little voice and representation, even in policies that directly impact them.

Systemic Equality is a Systemic Solution

In the years ahead, the ACLU will pursue administrative and legislative campaigns targeting the Biden-Harris administration and Congress. We will leverage legal advocacy to dismantle systemic barriers, and will work with our affiliates to change policies nearer to the communities most harmed by these legacies. The goal is to build a nation where every person can achieve their highest potential, unhampered by structural and institutional racism.

To begin, in 2021, we believe the Biden administration and Congress should take the following crucial steps to advance systemic equality:

Voting Rights

The administration must issue an executive order creating a Justice Department lead staff position on voting rights violations in every U.S. Attorney office. We are seeing a flood of unlawful restrictions on voting across the country, and at every level of state and local government. This nationwide problem requires nationwide investigatory and enforcement resources. Even if it requires new training and approval protocols, a new voting rights enforcement program with the participation of all 93 U.S. Attorney offices is the best way to help ensure nationwide enforcement of voting rights laws.

These assistant U.S. attorneys should begin by ensuring that every American in the custody of the Bureau of Prisons who is eligible to vote can vote, and monitor the Census and redistricting process to fight the dilution of voting power in communities of color.

We are also calling on Congress to pass the John Lewis Voting Rights Advancement Act to finally create a fair and equal national voting system, the cause for which John Lewis devoted his life.

Student Debt

Black borrowers pay more than other students for the same degrees, and graduate with an average of $7,400 more in debt than their white peers. In the years following graduation, the debt gap more than triples. Nearly half of Black borrowers will default within 12 years. In other words, for Black Americans, the American dream costs more. Last week, Majority Leader Chuck Schumer and Sen. Elizabeth Warren, along with House Reps. Ayanna Pressley, Maxine Waters, and others, called on President Biden to cancel up to $50,000 in federal student loan debt per borrower.

We couldn't agree more. By forgiving $50,000 of student debt, President Biden can unleash pent up economic potential in Black communities, while relieving them of a burden that forestalls so many hopes and dreams. Black women in particular will benefit from this executive action, as they are proportionately the most indebted group of all Americans.

Postal Banking

In both low and high income majority-Black communities, traditional bank branches are 50 percent more likely to close than in white communities. The result is that nearly 50 percent of Black Americans are unbanked or underbanked, and many pay more than $2,000 in fees associated with subprime financial institutions. Over their lifetime, those fees can add up to as much as two years of annual income for the average Black family.

The U.S. Postal Service can and should meet this crisis by providing competitive, low-cost financial services to help advance economic equality. We call on President Biden to appoint new members to the Postal Board of Governors so that the Post Office can do the work of providing essential services to every American.

Fair Housing

Across the country, millions of people are living in communities of concentrated poverty, including 26 percent of all Black children. The Biden administration should again implement the 2015 Affirmatively Furthering Fair Housing rule, which required localities that receive federal funds for housing to investigate and address barriers to fair housing and patterns or practices that promote bias. In 1980, the average Black person lived in a neighborhood that was 62 percent Black and 31 percent white. By 2010, the average Black person's neighborhood was 48 percent Black and 34 percent white. Reinstating the Obama-era Fair Housing Rule will combat this ongoing segregation and set us on a path to true integration.

Congress should also pass the American Housing and Economic Mobility Act, or a similar measure, to finally redress the legacy of redlining and break down the walls of segregation once and for all.

Broadband Access

To realize broadband's potential to benefit our democracy and connect us to one another, all people in the United States must have equal access and broadband must be made affordable for the most vulnerable. Yet today, 15 percent of American households with school-age children do not have subscriptions to any form of broadband, including one-quarter of Black households (an additional 23 percent of African Americans are “smartphone-only" internet users, meaning they lack traditional home broadband service but do own a smartphone, which is insufficient to attend class, do homework, or apply for a job). The Biden administration, Federal Communications Commission, and Congress must develop and implement plans to increase funding for broadband to expand universal access.

Enhanced, Refundable Child Tax Credits

The United States faces a crisis of child poverty. Seventeen percent of all American children are impoverished — a rate higher than not just peer nations like Canada and the U.K., but Mexico and Russia as well. Currently, more than 50 percent of Black and Latinx children in the U.S. do not qualify for the full benefit, compared to 23 percent of white children, and nearly one in five Black children do not receive any credit at all.

To combat this crisis, President Biden and Congress should enhance the child tax credit and make it fully refundable. If we enhance the child tax credit, we can cut child poverty by 40 percent and instantly lift over 50 percent of Black children out of poverty.

Reparations

We cannot repair harms that we have not fully diagnosed. We must commit to a thorough examination of the impact of the legacy of chattel slavery on racial inequality today. In 2021, Congress must pass H.R. 40, which would establish a commission to study reparations and make recommendations for Black Americans.

The Long View

For the past century, the ACLU has fought for racial justice in legislatures and in courts, including through several landmark Supreme Court cases. While the court has not always ruled in favor of racial justice, incremental wins throughout history have helped to chip away at different forms of racism such as school segregation ( Brown v. Board), racial bias in the criminal legal system (Powell v. Alabama, i.e. the Scottsboro Boys), and marriage inequality (Loving v. Virginia). While these landmark victories initiated necessary reforms, they were only a starting point.

Systemic racism continues to pervade the lives of Black people through voter suppression, lack of financial services, housing discrimination, and other areas. More than anything, doing this work has taught the ACLU that we must fight on every front in order to overcome our country's legacies of racism. That is what our Systemic Equality agenda is all about.

In the weeks ahead, we will both expand on our views of why these campaigns are crucial to systemic equality and signal the path this country must take. We will also dive into our work to build organizing, advocacy, and legal power in the South — a region with a unique history of racial oppression and violence alongside a rich history of antiracist organizing and advocacy. We are committed to four principles throughout this campaign: reconciliation, access, prosperity, and empowerment. We hope that our actions can meet our ambition to, as Dr. King said, lead this nation to live out the true meaning of its creed.

What you can do:
Take the pledge: Systemic Equality Agenda
Sign up

Featured image by Shutterstock

When Ngozi Opara Sea started Heatfree Hair almost a decade ago, curly and kinky extensions weren't the norm on the market as they seem to be today, especially if you wanted those textures in quality human hair. Beauty supply stores mainly sold synthetic curly hair, and there was a surge of renewal for women who were just beginning to embrace natural styles, taking to YouTube to experiment with new techniques and styles.

Keep reading... Show less
The daily empowerment fix you need.
Make things inbox official.

No one is excited about paying taxes, but for the most part, they're unavoidable for the working woman. Yet, not everyone has to pay quarterly taxes. You may have to get acquainted with quarterly taxes depending on how you earn money and who signs your paychecks. Not only is it essential to know if you should pay quarterly tax payments, but you need to know what your tax liability is and the deadline to submit your taxes — unless you want the IRS visiting.

Keep reading... Show less

This article is in partnership with Staples.

As a Black woman slaying in business, you're more than likely focused on the bottom line: Serving your customers and making sure the bag doesn't stop coming in. Well, there's obviously more to running a business than just making boss moves, but as the CEO or founder, you might not have the time, energy, or resources to fill in the blanks.

Keep reading... Show less

In xoNecole's Our First Year series, we take an in-depth look at love and relationships between couples with an emphasis on what their first year of marriage was like.

It was a cold winter night in Chicago, more than a year ago. Your girl was scrolling through the fifty-eleven million options on Netflix to find something interesting to watch. I spotted this new show, The Circle, and have not looked away since. Produced by Studio Lambert and Motion Content Group, it premiered in January 2020 and has become my new favorite type of game show. Hosted by Michelle Buteau, The Circle is about contestants who are isolated in their own apartments and can only communicate with others via an online social media platform.

On season 2 of The Circle, the world fell in love with DeLeesa, the contestant who would eventually be crowned winner of the cash prize. She won the game by playing as a single dad named Trevor, who is actually her husband. As a true fan of the series, I figured it was only right to sit down with DeLeesa and Trevor to get the deets on how marriage has been for them IRL. So, let me take y'all back into time real quick, to the beginning of their love story.

It was 2007, and DeLeesa was starting her first day of school as a college freshman. She was getting adjusted to her new dorm and was introduced to her new resident assistant, *drum roll please* Trevor St. Agathe. They quickly became friends and Trevor helped DeLeesa find different activities around campus. After a year, they decided to take things to the next level.

Now, 14 years and two beautiful children later, the married couple have been focusing on doing whatever it takes to create the best life for their children. Since college, the power of commitment and open communication is what has kept DeLeesa and Trevor by each other's side.

One thing that we can all learn from The Circle and social media in general is that everything is not what it seems. When I connected with the couple, DeLeesa wanted to get the story straight about her and Trevor's love story. "I feel like people look at couples on social media and they think that things are perfect when that's not true. We went through stuff, too. We just figured out how to overcome it and move together as a unit."

In this installment of xoNecole's Our First Year, Deleesa and Trevor share how marriage is about work, navigating through the ups and downs, and prioritizing family. Here's their story:

How We Met

DeLeesa: I got to school early because I was starting [college] a semester late. I met him, we became friends, and I developed a little crush on him. One day, we were hanging out in his room and he just didn't want me to leave (laughs). So we were messing around for about a year. Exactly one year later, I told Trevor that I am not going to keep doing this unless he becomes my man. If he didn't make me his girl, then we were done. (Laughs)

Trevor: I tried to ride it out as long as I could (laughs). At the time, I was thinking, since I'm still in college, I shouldn't be tied down. But I knew that if I didn't make it official, she was going to leave. So, she was right, and we took it to the next level.

First Impressions

Trevor: I thought she was absolutely beautiful. She was pretty and the new girl on campus. So I knew she was going to get lots of attention. But I didn't want to be on that with her, so I continued to just be a stand-up guy. At first, it was the normal student-and-RA relationship. She would ask me what activities she could do on campus and I gave her a few suggestions. For a few days, we continued to hang out and I started to realize the chemistry we had between us.

DeLeesa: When I first met Trevor, I wasn't even thinking about going that [relationship] route with him. I was new to the school and I just wanted to be his friend. But because we shared bathrooms in the dorm, this man would just walk around in his towel sometimes. I couldn't help but notice him more after that. I just thought 'He is fine!' (Laughs) He was so nice and he never pressured me into anything, but, he knew what he was doing.

Favorite Things

DeLeesa: I love that he has unconditional love for me. I feel like that no matter what I do or no matter how mad he gets, he is still always going to be by my side for anything that I need. We have been together for a long time. Even though we had breaks in between, he has always been there for me.

Trevor: It's not just one thing for me, but I can sum it up: DeLeesa is everything that I wish I was. She is very much not afraid of what other people think and she is very determined to go after what she wants. She has that go-getter mentality and it is so attractive to me.

"DeLeesa is everything that I wish I was. She is very much not afraid of what other people think and she is very determined to go after what she wants. She has that go-getter mentality and it is so attractive to me."

Wedding Day

Trevor: On our wedding day, I was crying like a baby when I finally saw her. That is my fondest memory of that day: seeing my wife-to-be from a distance and instant water works. (Laughs)

DeLeesa: I really enjoyed our first dance. Our wedding was pretty big, and I planned the whole thing. I was very hands-on and it was hard for me to just have a moment and be present. But when we had our first dance, that was our time to just be with each other and not worry about anything else. It really hit me that we were married at that point.

The One

DeLeesa: Well, the thing with Trevor and I is that we broke up a lot. We reached nine years of being on and off. By that time, we said to each other that this would be the last time we were going to break up. We were going to try our best to do everything that we could to stay together. And if we didn't work out, we were going to go our separate ways. For me, I really wanted us to work because I did see him as my future husband and my children's father. So it was the conversation we had to not break up that was my "you are the one for me" moment.

Trevor: It was something that I always knew. Young Trevor would say, "If I had to get married, this is who I want to marry." When I knew it was time to take things more seriously with her, it was after we had that conversation. Another confirmation that DeLeesa was the one was when we had to move to Canada from New York. I thought to myself that this woman must really love me to pack up and move to another country for me. This woman trusts me so much and she is my forever.

"The thing with Trevor and I is that we broke up a lot. We reached 9 years of being on and off. By that time, we said to each other that this would be the last time we were going to break up. We were going to try our best to do everything that we could to stay together."

Biggest Fears

Trevor: The questions that popped into my head were, "Can I do it?"; "Can I be a good husband to her?"; or "Was I truly husband material?" You can't take a test for that or study to get those answers. You have to just do it, apply your morals and values, and do the best you can. What has helped me with this is continuing to reaffirm how we feel about one another—affirmations that let me know that she is happy and I am doing a good job. Marriage isn't that much different from what we have already been doing this entire time. We just wear rings.

DeLeesa: My biggest fear [is related to the fact that] I am a very independent person, [so] if I do not like something, I can be out, quick! So with me, I questioned if I could stay put and fight through the bad times within a marriage. I would question if it is worth sticking it out since this is a lifelong commitment. What has helped me get through that is reminding myself that I can still be independent within my own marriage. I can still do things on my own and still share my life with someone I really care about.

Early Challenges

DeLeesa: I feel like I have been really good at keeping my relationship with my friends balanced with my partnership with Trevor. So when we first got married, my personal challenge was me trying to juggle between being a good wife and still making time for my girls. I really didn't want to lose sight of who I was in the process of marriage.

Trevor: My work at the time forced me to travel a lot. So when you are in that honeymoon phase, it's important to have quality time together. It was hard with my job to enjoy life together as a married couple in the beginning. Yes, we have been together for a long time. But this was different. Not being around my wife as much as I wanted to was really hard for me and the both of us. Our communication started slacking and we definitely struggled during that time.

Love Lessons

Trevor: There's two lessons that I have. One lesson is that I am a husband first. I have spent a lot of time not being a husband so it can be easy for me or anyone to continue to behave that way. But my wife always has to come first, no matter what is going on in life. When you're married, you have to reinforce that. My second lesson that has helped in our marriage is making sure I do things in order to make her life easier. It can be the simplest thing, but for me, it is a huge priority.

DeLeesa: My biggest lesson is being able to learn from each other. For example, if he is doing simple things to make life easier for me, I am learning from him how to show up for him to make him happy. It can be easy to just receive everything he is putting forth, but it has to be give and take for us.

"I am a husband first. I have spent a lot of time not being a husband so it can be easy for me or anyone to continue to behave that way. But my wife always has to come first, no matter what is going on in life. When you're married, you have to reinforce that."

Common Goal

Trevor: To do everything in our power to ensure that our girls have the best possible life. Everything that we do at this point is for them. Before children, I may have moved slower working toward certain things, but there is definitely an added fire on how we approach things because of them.

DeLeesa: I agree. The number one goal is to be the best parents we can be. We want to set up generational wealth and we want them to be culturally aware. We want them to grow up and be proud of everything we have done for them.

Best Advice

DeLeesa: My advice would be don't go looking for advice, honestly. A lot of people are going to have an opinion about your life and sometimes that may not be the best for you. People can have different intentions and may give you the wrong advice. So I feel that if you need to vent, then yes, have someone to confide in. But don't take their word as facts. Try to figure out your marriage for yourself. Stick to your intuition and what you want to do, no matter if you are being judged for it.

Trevor: The things that matter are to be patient, listen close, choose to be happy, and love hard. I also think when people come to terms with the fact that marriage is work, then it is more possible for people. There are honestly more things to be happy about with the person that you marry. You have to keep all the things that you love about that person at the forefront to get you through. Once you do that, you will be fine.

Follow Deleesa and Trevor on Instagram @leesaunique and @trev_saint and their family page @itsthesaints.

Featured image via Instagram/Leesaunique

Since 2000, Black buying power has increased a whopping 114 percent. According to Business of Fashion, we brandish $1.3 trillion in annual spending power. It's also no secret that Black women move culture like no other, making us one of the largest assets to the U.S. economy. However, for some odd but obvious reason, society tends to question Black women when they level up and revel in luxury.

Keep reading... Show less
Exclusive Interviews

Exclusive: Find Confidence With This Summer Workout Created By A Black Woman For Black Women

Tone & Sculpt trainer Danyele Wilson makes fitness goals attainable.

Latest Posts